[Carillon]

Time seems to be moving very slowly right now. We claimed Rhiannon’s head. Connor and I preserved it, mostly through abjuration magic. It will keep until the rest of her remains can be recovered, or until the other children are found and can attend a burial. Connor seemed happy to give it over unto my keeping, so after we had worked the preservation magics to keep it from rotting or decaying, I wrapped it in cloth.

It was so surreal, to look into those dead eyes and touch the waxen skin. It was her, and yet it was not. The shell in death does not resemble what it was in life. I have seen so many dead bodies in my lifetime ... thousands at least. I looked into the unseeing eyes of my own mother as I burned her flesh on a pyre. And yet, somehow this one still touches me. Perhaps it is because she is a child. I have not yet seen thousands of dead children, I think. Or perhaps it was that I knew her, and cared for her.

After I wrapped the head in cloth I put it in a carved wooden box I bought in a market long ago. The box is very beautiful, and it will serve as a temporary resting place for this child. A magelock, coupled with more conventional means, secured it. I do not want Anna or Finn or one of the others to stumble upon it. I do not think they would be quite so cavalier about a severed head as Connor and I seem to be. The head and the box now rest beneath my bed, until a more permanent resting place can be found for Rhiannon.

I still have trouble making it through a day. I feel like I am sleepwalking, or what I imagine sleepwalking might feel like. My body goes through the motions of life but I am somehow absent from it. I sense this and wish to spare Aislin from this strange absence on her mother’s part. Ironically, my solution is to absent myself from her altogether some days, leaving her in the care of friends as I wander and try to deal with things as best I can. I practice the violin every day by the ocean. I have become very competent, technically speaking, but something is missing. Something is wrong with the music, just as something is wrong with the world. I just cannot put my finger on it.