[Hellblazer]

Time has flown by at an alarming rate. Since I stepped foot off that boat, sick as an old dog, I have met many new faces, but most I don't trust. There is a few I do however. Maran for one, even if we banter a lot, mostly for fun in my case, I still trust the fact that he is a nature lover. Mirren, a sweet lady, but sadden and hurt from something her past that she doesn't remember. Rose, that is still so quiet, but now I know that something horrible happened to her with a demon. And finally but none the very least, Bellethiel. I can't explain it, it just clicked I guess. We have been getting closer to one an other for the past few months. She likes going into reverie, her head on my lap that is for sure and it seems that she is interested in me. I CAN'T hide the fact that I am, even more after the treasure hunt marathon I have made for her through Mistone and Alindor. She did tell me then that I did something that really meant something for her. That she loved to see in a man. Although I think it has brought us maybe closer, at least I know she knows how I feel, I have to say that I am unsure of what she feels at all. There is time she seems interested and other times she flirts with others.

One things for sure, each night that she was with me, I have not had any nightmares. She has a calming effect on my spirit, but it's not constant. There is time I get angry.. Idoran is presently feeling some of it, but because she is always there, it forces me to keep it under wrap. But the nights that she is not there, I dream. Savage dreams, dreams of people I have never seen, of some I have seen. Battles, eternal fire, exterminations. And since I have met Belle, the dreams includes her now, and it is freaking me out.

Why does it do that? because I care.. can I not care about someone, something without having to pay the price for it? Can I not have a semi normal life, with someone to care for, to bring joy to? Or am I doomed to be the pariah of the world because of my blood? Sometimes.. living alone in the woods with the animals as company is much, much simpler.

With all of that I am still looking for that man with blue skin. I have spent entire days in Leringard looking for him. But I hate cities to the outmost, and city folks distrust me at the outmost too seeing my red eyes. Not a good mix to maximize my search.