[Hellblazer]

//This page has been cleanly cut out of the journal//

Did I do the right thing? I have no clue. My heart screams to me no, my soul cruses me no either. But I just can't shake the feeling of her slipping away, and before I would get hurt again, I did the unthinkable. I left.

I realize today that I am not strong, that I am not brave like some thinks. I realize today that, even if my heart and my soul will always be for her, that I had made vows to be there with her for the better and worse, until death parted us, in front of Marcus on the little isle in the lake that is our fishing and our spot. That all of these are lies. I am weak, and I am afraid. I am afraid of losing her to the abyss that I saw in the eyes of my brother. In the changes that I saw in Ella the last time I saw her. I am afraid that what I had came to love, would simply vanish and be replaced by the cold and sinister darkness that is like the shadows.

She how ever promised me it would never be, that her love would always be there and that she would never leave. But behind it all, I could feel the distance growing. And as the scared one I always was, deed down inside of me. I simply left. Running away from things that would hurt me, running away from the only one that has mattered for me for years, more than my family, more than myself. And for what? because I am not strong enough to be able to stand by her.

I am so sorry my love, you never deserved the failure I have became, the fragile woman behind a fraudulous act. You deserve so much more, so much more than I could never give.

With a heavy heart today I have left her the gifts she had made me, and the key to our beautiful home. Home that could have been a dark whole into a cave filled with water, that because of her presence, I would have loved living there with her.

But I am too scared to be hurt again. Too scare to lose the one I love, for things that is out of my control.

I am so sorry my love.