[Hellblazer]

Why is it that things always have to go wrong? Simply talking to Shrowd behind the merchant house near Fort Llast, out of ear shot of the pawnshop dealer and those that might walk by, not out of sight though, just out of hearing. And yet there she comes with the bandages I had asked her to purchase for me, so I wouldn't have to enter that dragon lair of Toranites. But since it was the only temple in reach, and we wanted to go hunt undeads, we needed the blasted bandages. When she reached us we had done talking and were heading back out on the road. I felt an itch up my leg, so I shifted my pants around a bit, thinking it was just the fabric running off a scab. But right there and then, her face changed, she dropped all the healing kits on the ground and cast invisibility before I could tell her what was happening. As I shifted my garb again before she disappeared, I saw ants falling down from on of the sleeve. I must have been standing on an anthill or something, because they were trying to eat me alive.. I just can imagine what she must have thought. First she asks me if I know her that well, when I let slip that Shrowd and I are the same, and now this. For sure I understand how she could get the wrong impression, but she didn't even give me a chance to explain.

So we searched, and searched, and search, the silkwood forest, the kitchens inn in Hlint, Hempstead, Krandor, Vhel. I even went on to search Mariners hold, again.. being sick on the voyage, but my mind was elsewhere and I didn't give a rat arse that I painted the boat with my previous lunches. But she was no where to be found.

If that was the only thing, fine, maybe she wouldn't have reacted that way. But down in Haven a few hours before, her and Ni'Haer almost came to a battle of the Al'noth. Screaming at each others in front of every one, him even threatening to kill her. It didn't take me much more to get in between him and her, my blade at his throat, sending him a clear message. I gave both of them my trues at that moment, it was thoughtless on their part. Sure Ni, is the type that stays unseen and cast spells to slow the enemy down, makes us stronger and warded. He will even cast offensive spells here and there, but he could do more. Sure, she screamed at him and revealed to the whole party who he is, but in no way should he even consider threatening her, with me present to make things worse. All of that made him leave the group. I don't know if they had the sight or if he lost his concentration and got spotted. But going up we were ambushed right out of the climb up. It was only me and Ke'kay at that point and I couldn't fend them all off. I fell and I felt the soul freak tug at my soul for the second time.

I don't know. I'm lost in this situation and it is making me crazy, love or friendship, friendship or love?

And to think of it, for one that said her feelings were not at that stage yet, why the heck did she overreact that way? throwing my stuff on the ground, running away, and even leaving the bouquet I had given her that night on the road in the gobos land?

I AM GOING CRAZZZZYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that day had started well too. A job that took me back through my homeland to fort homestead. I had not seen Caran in so long, and he was pleased to see me too. It gave me the perfect opportunity to give him a letter for Colin. We chatted much, and he seems in good health.


Really, really reallyreallyreally.. Maybe I should just bury myself under a mountain somewhere... they are going to be my death... my death I tell you. WHY OH WHY didn't I stay in the forest.

Wellllll, tomorrow is an other day.. I hope.. I doubt it.. well maybe not.. gah I need to drink something.. something strong. Drown myself into numbness, forgetness.. if only for the night.