[Alatriel]

I guess it's been a long time since I've written in here... not a whole lot of time I suppose. And after what happened at the prison... well... My heart still aches. None of them could be raised. They were all lost to us. I only hope that their souls... I don't know what happened to them.

I keep trying to find answers, and I keep getting no response. I'll continue to press the Shining Hand for information until I receive word back, but it's kept me occupied. I've felt my strength growing, as Toran has continued to fortify me against my enemies... but am I hurting the ones I love as I am pulled more and more along my path in my Calling?

Chaynce found me on one of my normal stops when I am on Mistone, clearing out some of the undead in Krandor. It's been a while since I've seen him... not since... well, everything went well and even though he looked fairly bad off at one point, he and I both made it out safely thanks to Toran's protection and blessings. At least Chaynce has learned strategic retreats now when he's hurt.

Though... perhaps he is starting to think he needs to strategically withdraw from me completely? We tried to patch things up a bit. I told him we could take things one day at a time... But the look in his eyes tonight as we parted... I never meant to cause him that much pain. My heart aches just in the memory of that look.

He's right though. He's never asked for anything. I asked him something years ago. He said yes. And now I cannot even follow through on that. I know that if he chose to leave me it would be completely right for him to do so. It's not fair to him, he didn't know what he was agreeing to. I know that I have always been up front with him about everything, Toran, my duty, my path, my life. I've never lied to him. I would never... and yet, I don't think he believes me when I tell him that I do love him. I do love him. More than any man I have ever known... and yet, I still cannot compare that love to the love of Toran. If Chaynce were to leave me, it would hurt me more than I care to know. My heart breaks to think that he should... for his own good. I don't want to live without him, without knowing that he is there, someone who cares about me, here, in this world, to fight beside me sword and shield and blood and sweat, and someone to care for, to love in return.

And yet, if he were to leave... I would survive. If Toran were to leave me... I don't think I could. And if I could... I wouldn't want to.