[jrizz]

As deeply as I have tried to find the discipline to master the long sword I continue to fail to adhere to that training in battle. When I train alone, in my mind I can keep a calm resolution about myself. But when the heat of true battle is upon me the blood rage takes hold all too often. I fear I will never have the will to hold discipline of the weapon in the heat of battle. My instincts in battle are strong I can keep focused on the enemy and not lose myself so completely that I attack my comrades. And I am even able to keep in mind preservation of my life. Although there have been more then one time when I have lost that mindfulness and have come close to being sent to the void. I recall a time in a cave filled with giants where I lost myself so completely that the young mage with me became so frightened that I thought she was going to flee out fear that I would attack her. I could see it in her eyes. I was not proud of that moment. But I must accept that as part of who I am, perhaps I need to embrace the rage and turn it into a weapon that I can have some control over.
I remember in my youth the time I spent among the mountain bears watching and learning from them. Never is the spirit of the bear far from me but it has been clouded over. In my travels I have had to kill many bears and always I felt as if I was striking down a brother. Yes it was they or I so I did what I had to. I made sure that their meat and skin went to good use. I see myself in their rage when they attack.