[Pseudonym]

Is anyone that plays Layo here very wealthy in RL?? If so, I have composed a list of things that you could buy for me if you happened upon a great sum of money.

(a) A full-time nanny to look after the kids. Preferably one with either David Beckham or Jude Law as their previous employer.

(b) A Jaguar XJ220 in cherry red and a fully decked out Hummer in black. The hummer to have those shiny rims that spin independently of the movement of the wheel. I'm not sure if it is a requirement or merely a recommendation to have my name changed to M.Diddy or Em-Z or Grandmaster M in order to take possession of the Hummer?

(c) A large calibre semi-automatic sniper rifle for that day when I ascend the stairs of the nearest shot tower. (Sometimes here at Melbourne that fateful day rushes towards me with ever increasing rapidity and certainty).

(d) The employ of a professional hitman to take out;
1. People that drive poorly.
2. People that repeatedly send unsolicited chain e-mails promising me good luck if I send it on to nine other people.
3. People that engage in violence against women and children.

(e) A plasma screen TV sooooo-oooo big it becomes only the 2nd man-made object on Earth's surface visible from outer space.

(f) A Louis Vuitton pooch carry case with a small trophy dog inside.

(g) A really, really, really, REALLY big drill. I don't know why and would probably have very little use for it beyond what my little cordless can deliver, however I still want one. (I don't want to know what Freud would have to say about this)

(h) A tub of Homer Hudson Chocolate Rock ice cream. A tube of sour cream & onion Pringles. A bag of honey baked ham Kettle chips. A McDonalds apple and custard pie. A big block of King Island Camembert cheese. A plate of fajitas, A packet of (chilled) teddy Bear biscuits. A bowl of macaroni cheese.

(i) Persuade Hugh Hefner to hand over his velvet smoking jackets and sell the fully stocked (with bunnies) Playboy Mansion to you, for me.

(j) A private island in the Bahamas all to myself. All to myself but for two supermodels to be hired who would do nothing but dress up like lions and sit outside the gates of my fortified mansion.

(k) A choose-your-own-adventure book published where I am the hero. Although the reader (by definition) will get to choose their path through the novel, each adventure should end with me getting the treasure and the girl.

(l) A pristine white cowboy suit. All inclusive. Chaps, vest, pointy cowboy boots with spurs, badge, string tie and a 10 gallon stetson hat. I also would like a palamino horse that I shall name Winifred.

(m) I'd like a room purpose built and outfitted for me exactly like the sunken sitting room of Connor MacLeod in the movie Highlander. Walls lined with ancient weaponry and artifacts. Circular leather couches. And while we're on the subject of Highlander, i'd also like voice coaching so I could do a really impressive Sean Connery accent. (Was there any more evidence you required that I am a big geek?)

(n) A NFL franchise. Don't know why, I don't even like gridiron. Just seems in a lot of films the really powerful and ruthless oil magnates to whom everyone grovels all own NFL franchises.

(o) A one way ticket to one of the following destinations;
Tahiti, the Marquesas, Maui, Bahamas, Maldives, anything in Thailand beginning with Kho, actually any island destination where the median temperature is above 30˚ all year round, etc, etc.
or;
A return ticket to one of the following destinations;
Tanzania, Turkey, Italy, Brazil, Cuba, Germany, Antarctica, North-East or South-West USA, Spain, China, France, Peru, Alaska, Kenya, Sweden & Norway, Ireland, Nepal, Amsterdam, Japan, Argentina, Russia, Czech Republic, Greece. Actually, pretty much anywhere that is NOT Melbourne (or Afghanistan).

(q) An orchard with some stone and citrus fruit. Ideally, a babbling creek would flow through the middle of my new orchard whereupon you and I might have some grand and fabulous adventures.

(r) Some custom-made leather underpants. I don't wish to explain the why of this want, however it is very important.

(s) A walled and guarded compound to keep out the undesirable element, ie. wife. HA! Just kidding. (Am I just kidding?) *raises pinkie to the corner of his mouth Dr Evil style*