[Pseudonym]

1) Layo Forum Addiction.

2) Look at other sites on the net - with an expression I have perfected over the years that relays the impression that I am perplexing over some weighty work related issue instead of what I am really viewing (trying hard not to tilt my head to one side).

3) Age of Empires.

4) Practice sucking in my tummy and tensing every muscle in my body in an oh-so casual pose when THE girl from the hairdressers two shops down walks past my storefront.

5) Whittling down my account on Sportsbet.

6) Plan quests.

7) Write CDT entries (putting this at number 7 means this list is no longer in any sort of order).

8 ) Chat on the phone, again with an expression of studied indifference..

9) Receive phone calls from Polak76 and listen to how good a build he had been contemplating would be at level 40. Explain (again) all classes are pretty decent at level 40.

10) Email.


A typical Day in the life of Pseudonym

If the old lady had been the first, or the second, or even anywhere in the single figures of the people to come up to the counter with a gift card expecting it to be for sale at $1.00, despite it being clearly marked at $3.95, I might have reacted differently. However, as she was the 47th person of an elderly persuasion that day who had approached the register WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING THE PRICE, I must confess to acting first and thinking about consequences later.

Anyway, as it was, I patiently explained the situation to this lady who seemed to find it incomprehensible that prices had increased ever so marginally from 1936. When this dear old lady (hereafter referred to as Mabel) reacted in a manner similar to the 46 aged customers preceding her, ie. with shocked indignation at my temerity in charging the Recommended Retail Price, instead of a humble apology for not reading the price label I just snapped.

Twelve years of stifled retorts and suppressed smart-alek comments exploded from me in an instant. In a blur defying focus from mortal vision my right fist was cocked and then lashed out with crushing velocity. Mabel's skull imploded in a fountain of bone and ambiguous grey matter. Before she even had a chance to fall to the shop floor (now covered in skull confetti) my left hand also struck out. My fingers tore through Mabel's paper-thin skin. Her ribs shattered like matchsticks. I plucked the still beating heart from the crimson cavity that had been Mabel's chest and raised the grisly trophy over my head in an overdue display of primal and visceral triumph.

Still not entirely satisfied I leapt the counter-top and landed on Mabel's corpse with the full weight of my misspent late 20s and early 30s. Her organs spilt from the hiking boot shaped rent in her midriff like a hyperbolic multitude of writhing serpents. The blood-red mist clouding my vision I believe was most probably a combination of my berserk fury and actual agitated entrail vapour. As I jumped and pounded, pounded and jumped, a laugh from the depths of my being erupted forth. I laughed and laughed and laughed ...

No, not really. I smiled and bid her a good afternoon as she harrumphed out of the store without completing the transaction.

Me: "It is the quality of the eyepieces and the aperture of the scope that are the primary factors in determining the clarity of your image with any telescope. That, above all else, is what would explain price discrepancies between different models. Too much compromise on the quality of the eyepieces in order to save say $20-30 can really mean the difference between encouraging a hobby and discouraging it."

Typical dumb-**** Customer: "Yeh, but K-Mart (translation: Walmart?) have got a telescope I fink is real good for $39.95"

Assuming a bland and nonchalant expression for the purpose of putting the dopey, ignorant, bogan (translation: Redneck?) customer (hereafter referred to as Barry) off his guard, I reached behind my back to where I had previously scabbarded the 18" hunting knife. Figuring Barry did not deserve an easy death was decided with preternatural swiftness and without further ado I plunged the blade deep. Leaving the knife inserted to ensure he didn't bleed out too quickly I followed up with a nose-flattening head butt. Were Barry's death not imminent anyway from the knife attack he probably would not have had a great quality of life given the damage my Liverpool Kiss had just delivered.

Doubled over from the pain and shock of my attack, Barry made an easy target for insertion of the display telescope. Barry, I think, finally realised the importance of a telescope's aperture. How he managed to cling to consciousness during this ordeal I know not but I didn't question my luck to be given more opportunity to inflict further punishment. Perhaps the maniacal gleam in my eye revealed my intent as I extracted from my pocket a pair of needle-nose pliers. Much like my capacity for reasoned thought, the pliers descended, descended, descended . . .

No, not really. I smiled and said "Ok, sure. If you've got any more queries about telescopes, whether ours or any others, you're more than welcome to come and ask. Cheers, mate, have a good afternoon!"

*goes back to checking out forums*