Chilo

[Taislin]

Name: Chilo
Age:20
Race:Human
Subrace:Tiefling
Classes: Rogue(14)/Fighter(6)
Alignment: CG
Deity: None


Bio:


Chilo's father was human and his mother tiefling. After getting pregnant his father left his mother and was never seen. Has for the mother she had to take care of a comming baby. That fiend int he family is far behind, not even her knows where it comes from. Her family has been trying to intregrate in the human society but all in the family have little horns on the head that shows their heritage. She worked at the local inn but when the owner found out she was pregnant he sent her away. When the baby was comming she went to an Aeridin's temple where Chilo was born. Has the rest of the family he had little horns. Her mother couldnt take care of him and like so he left him in the orphanage.
Chilo's childhood was not easy.He was raised in a port town in the local orphanage. He didnt had friends on the orphanage, the oposite, the other children didnt like him, they called him "devil" and "monster". Not having friends made him grow up alone, only with himself and his thoughts. When they all grew, around the age of 10, Chilo was still alone, but now the other kids were more agressive, and Chilo was not a strong build. Althought the kids didnt like him, the women of the orphanage always tried to show him their love. Hugging him when he cried.

With the time Chilo learned to evade the other kids, hiding, and he was kinda good in that. One day while he was walking in the street 4 kids apeard from no where. He started running away by the streets but the other kids were faster. He got to a dead end. Then the fight started. He made all he could to evade and defend himself but it was useless. Punches and kicks, ones after the others. A final blow and he fell downed hiting the hard street's ground with his head. A "crack" sound was heard. He fainted. He woke up what it seemed to be 30 mins later. His head hurted. After shaking her a few times and blinking his eyes. He remembered what hapened. He was still in the dead end. Has he went to the street almost everybody looked at him because of his horns. He went back to the dead end. He wasnt going back to the orphanage. They could look where they wanted, but they would never find him.

The 3 days he passed stealing food for own survivance, he didnt like to do this but he had to, he felt sorry for the ones he was stealing, he decided to do a donation to the temple of Rofirein so he was forgiven for his acts. Sometimes he almost got caught but he was quick and could ran if he needed. It was not the life he wanted, he didnt wanted to be a theif but each time he tried to help some one people just ran away from him. "Stupid horns!" he said to himself. Why he had to be cursed like that, why could he be a normal child? Hiding in the shadows and hungry he saw a stranger entering the town. He followed him silently and tried to reach the stranger's pockets even before touching them a quick hand grabbed him. The stranger looked to him with a smile on his face.

-So a little theif we have?
*Chilo tried to released himself, but it was useless*
-And you are a Tiefling... A renegade from the society.
-And you look hungry. Come with me, I will help you surviving, hidding and fighting. And we can work on a new outfit to hide that heritage of yours.
*Chilo nodded still scared*

He didnt knew why but he trusted the man. He had a warm smile. The following days were spent on the fields, walking the day and resting in tents at night. They used those nights to know each other better. During those days the man whose name was Aurum made im a new outfit with a hood to hide his horns. When they reached a town called Leringard Chilo was afraid that everyone would look at him, but that didnt happen. He entered Aurum's house. A nice house, big and confortable he started exploring it. He found a combat room with dummies and wepons. Aurum told him it was there where he used to train when he was youger. It seemed that Aurum was an old adventurer now retired.

Aurum asked Chilo what he wanted to do on his life and Chilo asked with his eyes glowing, "Aventurer just like you!". Aurum smiled to him and awnsered that they had a long work in front of them. First of all he had to chose a weapon. He saw many diferent swords, axes, etc but the kukri called his atention. It had a strange shape but it was easy to use and it wasnt heavy. In the beggining only the basics of fighting which resumed to few words: "If you want to impress fools make your weapons dance, if you want to survive keep you weapons still and atack when you have a chance". Chilo nodded. He strated training basic tecniques with the dummies, trying to make some combinations. At his side Aurum was giving instructions like "Dont forget your left hand!". After some hard months of work Chilo started training with Aurum himself. He was really good in fighting, Chilo couldnt even hit him once. Aurum seemed to fight with a grace, he moved his sword like it was part of his own body.

The years passed and Chilo learned how to use the kukri somewhat well. He was now 20 years old. Around 1.70 meters a big smile under his hood. THe people in the town of Leringard were now used to him. They thought he was human and Chilo didnt want them to find his heritage. When he saw people in the street asking for moey he would give 1 or 2 trues, it remembered his 3 days in the streets, stealing from others. At least he was able to help them. His fighting improved very much with the help of Aurum. He was very gratefull but Aurum said it was time to leave the nest and fly away. It was time for him to find his path in life of adventurer. Aurum told Chilo to head to the big port town of Hempstead. He would find there very good adventurers that could teach him much more then he did. After a night drinking and remembered the time they passed together Chilo left hiding a tear behind his hood. And there he goes to Hempstead!

[darkstorme]

Hi there - a few items to deal with in this submission.

• First, although he was left in an orphanage, we'll need to know a) who his parents are, and b) where the tiefling blood came from. (After all, it's a bit odd that his parents abandoned him, since, in order to have tiefling blood, at least one of them would have to be Planetouched as well.)
• Second, tieflings are a powerful special subrace, so I'd like to see at least twice as much description on his time after the orphanage - particularly for support of the fighter class. Rogue I can see, but his fighter training seems a bit lax.
• Third, where was Chilo born/raised? Upon which city's streets did he receive the memory-destroying crack on the head? And why did no one help the bleeding, abandoned child for an entire month? The orphanage didn't look for him?

Once these are resolved, we'll re-evaluate the submission.

Thanks!

[Taislin]

Edited has asked

[darkstorme]

Hi again.

The length is good, but a few more small issues:

• Hastur is an existing creature in several mythos - while I'm sure this was unintentional, a quick change in names would be apropos.
• His mother simply gave him up because she couldn't care for him? Surely she would have known how a young Tiefling would have been treated... this is up to you, it's not at all a showstopper, but it still rings false to me.
• Finally, what makes him Chaotic Good? I see resentment, and fondness towards his teacher, but nothing that really indicates Chilo's personality.

Once these are addressed, you should be ready to roll.

Thanks!

[Taislin]

1) Hastur name changed to Aurum

2) Like all mothers (at least non-evil ones) Chilo mother would have prefered to have raised him. But she had no way of doing it she didnt had a job and getting one being a Tiefling and having a baby would be nearly impossile so she made what she had to do to keep Chilo alive.

3)Well what makes him CG. Well chaotic is easy, he stole from people during those 3 days in the streets and he "ran" or didnt go back to the orphanage. Good, he only stole for own survivance, not getting anything more then he needed. Althought people hate/dont like tieflings he doesnt hate the other people. He is able to understand them, he is strange for them.


I hope this answers to your questions

[darkstorme]

One more, and then we're done.

Chaotic is clearly evident - and he's a Tiefling, so part of it is inbuilt. The problem is with Good.

"Stealing only what one needs to survive." means that you're practicing sustainable theft (that is, theft that won't get you hunted down, and theft that leaves more to steal later), but it doesn't mean that you're good. Good characters have to show SOME compassion - and I don't really see compassion reflected in the bio. If you were to add a paragraph on his personality, that would likely do the trick, but I'd like to see it integrated with his character, rather than an after thought.

Other than that, looks very good!

Thanks!

[Taislin]

Edited

[darkstorme]

Alright.

Approved

The usual:
Server Address: west.layonara.com
Password: layoplayer

N.B. - since you indicated that your character has visible horns, you must choose a head that has this feature.

Have fun!