New Character Submission - Elbereth Est'aclyn

[Cambo]

Character: Elb'ren Est'aclyn
Age: 125
Gender: Male
Classes: Fighter/Wizard
Race: Elf
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Deity: Rofirein


Biography:

75 years old, Elbereth is the equivalent of a teenager, and is out with his father...

As Elbereth takes a seat on the log closest to him, he embeds the tip of his training sword into the ground and catches the towel his father tosses to him. "Hmm... not good enough Elbereth, you don't have the makings of a warrior if you continue to fight like this!" Sighing heavily, the older elf strolls to the trunk of the large tree they've been practicing under and leans onto it with arms crossed, sword at his feet. "Get up. We're trying again, I'm not wasting my time with you if you won't get serious." Springing to his feet, Elbereth cracks his knuckles and grins wickedly to his teacher. "Fine. I'll get serious for you, just watch me."

"Hyugh!" Rushing in headlong to meet his waiting adversary, he feints a wide swing and rolls under the counterattack, leaping up with slash upwards. Against any other of the elven teenagers his age, that would have been a blow to finish the match but the instructor, spry as he was, evaded effortlessly and whacked Elbereth in the back of the knees with perfect precision.

"BOOOOOM! THWWSHHHHH!" Just as Elbereth stood up, he was quickly thrown into the air and against the tree. For what seemed like an eternity of trying to open his eyes and focus his vision, he finally saw. As soon as he did, he wished he hadn't. The village in the distance, that they lived in, was green and thriving no longer. It was black. Burnt, smoking, gone... just about. Charred bodies lay strewn about and his body seemed unable to move. He heard a grunt to his left and flickered his horrified gaze to his bloody and battered father standing up and grabbing the fallen sword. "Pyr...tech..." Grunted the seasoned elf, before his sword was thrown from his hands and he disappeared in a fiery blaze. With tears now forming in Elbereth's eyes he turned his gaze, vision hazed with distraught, to the direction in which the ball of fire had come from. The man, standing clad in a fiery red full plate of armor and a staff with a glowing angry red orb at the tip, laughed evilly, the basalt necklace with ruby gem dust jiggling back and forth on his chest. "So... that fool of a warrior had a grunt... what a surprise. I think I'll have my fun with you." Chuckling darkly, he pointed his fingers in Elbereth's direction....

The screams could be heard from miles around as the unknown figure in red tortured the young elven lad with a whip of fire and danced flames around his feet. Strangely enough, he never touched Elbereth's face.. only the rest of his body. "I've had my fun. I'm leaving now, but I think I'll keep you alive. Living the rest of your life with the gift of fire will show you just how all-mighty and all-powerful the God Pyrtechon really is!!" Taking up the sword of Elb'ren's father, the wizard muttered something fiercely and flames appeared, licking the sword's edge and enchanting the blade with fire. Grunting with effort, he slashed Elb'ren's face, and the little elf screamed in agony. Cackling with glee he conjured a long snake of flames that encircled him and when they subsided into ash the man was nowhere to be found, leaving Elbereth Est'aclyn on his own, the slash-mark scar burnt into his skin from his upper left brow across the top of the bridge of his nose and a little into his right cheek. Crying himself to sleep he eventually slid into a black, dreamless slumber, the last words in his head being those of an angry vow... I will find that sorceror... that wizard, of flames. I will slay him with my own hands, with my father's sword. I swear this, and will not die until it is fulfilled. I swear....

Pulling his sword out from the chest of the creature in front of him, Elb'ren wipes the blade clean with silent thanks to Rofirein, the God he found comfort in after that incident... With a stone-faced visage Elb'ren moves on, job after job, doing various things people hire him to do. This is done for a living, travelling from town to town accepting various tasks that troubled citizens set for him as long as they were in reason and do not cross his morals. After all, this kind of lifestyle was all Elb'ren needed, and he knew that somewhere up there Rofirein looked down with a smile at his deeds. Having closed his heart to the rest of the world, though, Elb'ren has become gruff.. somewhat setting off his graceful demeanor and purposeful stride. He never talks much, only saying what is needed and being silent or letting body language talk when he feels speaking is obsolete. His last job has ended with him in Port Hempstead, walking to the port down the road he hears only the "Clink.. Clank.. Clink" of his metal greaves and thinks to himself about how he found that wizard, the wizard that slayed his entire village, mauled by bears on the side of the road during his travels, what he now labeled as 'The incident'. Chuckling sadly to himself, for he rarely displayed emotions around others, he shook his head. "After that happened.. everything I lived for, to kill him, everything I had trained for, to kill him, disappeared. And then I heard teachings of Rofirein..."

He still hated Pyrtechon with a passion. After his father, his village, everything around him was burned down he set himself to researching just what this 'Pyrtechon' really was. After gaining the knowledge of this evil deity he set himself to doing the exact opposite of whatever that God stood for, hence his current lifestyle. Rubbing his forehead absently, feeling the scar across the middle of his face and running his hand through the golden red hair that now flowed to his shoulders, he walked on in silence.

Reaching the port's gates he surveyed his surroundings... he had never seen anything so enormous, but remembered as always to keep his emotions in and his words to himself. Striding through the gates reflecting on his inner thoughts, all he heard was the familiar rhythmic "Clink, Clank, Clink, Clank."

[jrizz]

Hello and welcome to Layonara. Great story! there are a few things that have to be looked at before we can get you going. While we do that I have to ask you to change the first name as I believe that Elbereth is from LOTR, we have a policy about not using names of famous fantasy figures.

[Cambo]

Elbereth is in LOTR, for real? I just thought of it and thought it sounded pretty cool... hmm... how is Elb'ren

[jrizz]

Elb'ren should be good, thanks.

[jrizz]

OK after looking at this and getting some feedback we have to deal with a few issues.

The vendetta against the evil cleric (or mage) would likely go unfulfilled, as he is likely very old or dead by now.

I think if you can expand the Sub covering the unfulfilled vendetta but leaving in its wake a deep hate of Pyrtechon that might do the trick.

What do you think?

[Cambo]

Ok... edited. Take a look at it now

[jrizz]

Looks great thanks for the extra work. The last change needed just so it makes sense is the make the city he is in no Port Hempstead as that will be his starting city. I am approving this now with the caveat that you will change the starting city.

Your character has been approved.

Server address is west.layonara.com
Password is layoplayer

Some final notes on character creation:

• Please note that racial adjustments for players with subraces are skin based and thus get applied after getting in game.
• Only two ability scores can be less than 10 and only one can be less than 8 after racial adjustments
• Brownies, when selecting a head, the head you choose on the halfling selection will correspond to that numbered head for elves (for example, clicking right 6 times on the head selection during character creation will take the 6th head when clicking right on the elf creation)
• Half-giants and ogres, please ask for a GM (type /dm Anyone here?) if you would like to change to a custom skin.

Have Fun!

[Cambo]

Ok, so instead of Pranzis you just want me to put in Port Hempstead? Done. thanks a bunch!

[EdTheKet]

First of all, it looks to me that jrizz's post is in reply to another submission that this one, as you're not submitting a subrace.

In any case, the red tear on the forehead needs to go. Battle scars and things like that are fine, but this clear a mark (and the magically transformed hair color) that somehow relates to a deity can too easily be construed as some "divine" mark.

Thanks!

[Acacea]

(Just a note, to correct the first impression, the subrace note is part of the approve stamp, to make things easier on the approvers. It's automatic. We bow to the Loremaster on the second, though!)

[Cambo]

ehmm... I already made him and gave him red hair... as for the tear drop I won't rp it so it's not really there but I did put it in his description at character creation. I'm sorry but no one said anything before about it till after I made my character. But can he keep the red hair, since I've already made him?

[darkstorme]

Just have him born with the red hair, rather than induced by a deity, and it should be fine.

[Cambo]

Alright then, it's done. But I already made my bio, is there any way to change that? it mentions his red teardrop :O

[Rowana]

Please post here with the appropriate format, and include the new biography you would like to have in there. Point back to this tread as well, and we shall get you taken care of as quickly as we are able.

~row