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02-29-08, 04:45 PM
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#1 | | Adamantium Golem Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Michigan
Posts: 163
Thanks: 49
Thanked 78 Times in 57 Posts
| New Sub Name: Hedessa Tanario
Race: Human
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Class: Cleric
Deity: Xeen
Alignment: N
Domains: Animal Plant
Conceived during the Night of Flesh and Magic, or so her mother tells her, Hedessa was born into a world devoid of any constant father. But many father figures. While her mother, Alavia, was not a avid worshiper of Xeen, she could often be heard to counsel Hedessa with phrases such as "If it feels good dear, enjoy the moment." or "Do what you will that makes you happy, sweets." As Hedessa grew, her mother took the opportunity of Hedessa's growing independence and left her more to her own vises so she herself could entertain other guests who would frequent the hovel in Katherian, in which they lived. Having little supervision and less guidance, nearing the age of ten Hedessa occupied most of her time caring for a tiny garden, while trying to rid it of the vermin and insects that threatened her meager plants. As the insects and rodents failed to cease their assault on her plants, she began to create stories in her mind for the invaders. Some she would poke at or capture, some she would shoo away without any repercussions, others she would let sample that which they came for before gently moving them to a new weed to feast on. Those captured would entertain her, as she poked and prodded them. At times she would squish them, others she would set free after their captivity. There were no deliberations or justifications behind which received which fate, it was merely her whims and moods that determined the 'lucky' ones as to what made her happy at the time.
As she neared her twelfth birthday, Hedessa began to use her tactics with the insects on the local boys. Luring some behind her hovel of a home with the promise of a kiss, only to be bound and 'tortured' with a feather or slight scratches of her nails. She relished every moment, as well as the reactions of the boys. Ranging from uncontrollable laughter from the tickling to the looks of shock when scratched, then utter happiness when released.
One day, unknown to Hedessa, as she lured yet boy behind her home, a lady of the streets observed. Engrossed in her activities, Hedessa did not hear the woman approach. As both the boy and Hedessa squealed with pleasure as she tickled him, the woman intervened. "Child, why do ya torment that lad like so?" Jumping up, Hedessa quickly tried to regain her composure as her eyes sparkled with delight. "Ma'am...I do it, 'cause it's fun." As their conversation continued on and the boy still lay bound and squirming, the woman extended an offer to take Hedessa to the temple of Xeen, where she may find others of her persuasion.
Accepting the woman's offer, if for no other reason than a new experience, Hedessa was soon to find others of a like mind...and occasionally her mother. Finding a comforting place within the temple, Hedessa was soon to spend her days there. Finding that one can find pleasure in the most unusual of things, even pain, she opened herself to the teachings of Xeen. Spending every waking moment in the temple, Hedessa became fascinated with the whip and all that it could elicit in others, as well as herself from their reactions. As Hedessa quickly soaked up the teachings from the Katherian temple, she relished the revelry that was accompanied with a heavy flow of Xeen's exquisite wine on a nightly basis. Although tending to her duties the following mornings was a most unpleasant experience with the ill effects of the previous night weighing heavily on her. She grew to appreciate those mornings as well, realizing that without the lingering effects of to much wine, she could not fully appreciate the pleasure experienced from the first sip of wine that would signal another night of pleasure awaits.
Throughout her training in the temple, Hedessa was often shown various uses for the whip. While attempting a subtly stroke with her whip, Hedessa caused it to strike her teacher leaving a bloody welt. She quickly rushed to him as she mouthed a silent prayer to Xeen, as she reached out to touch the lash mark, Hedessa felt a enlightenment that she had never experienced. Standing in awe, feeling pride in herself as she watched the bloody mark close slightly and cease the trickle of blood. Her teacher's expression slowly changed from that of tempered tolerance to slight approval as he felt the warmth of Xeen's blessing pass from Hedessa to his wound. While nothing more than a minor blessing of healing, both he and Hedessa realized that her faith had taken a major advancement forward, that of the her prayers being answered.
On The Night of Flesh and Magic before her eighteenth birthday, Hedessa enjoyed so many pleasured she never thought possible, she began making preparations to leave the comforts and pleasures of the temple and spread the glories of Xeen to all she could.
1. I have read and understand the dogma and expectations of Xeen and intend to follow them.
2. Hedessa looks for pleasure in everything. Her fancy may dictate that she cause no pain or cause minimal pain so those inflicted may realize the pleasure they are missing from their mundane lives. She also realizes that without pain there can be no pleasure, one must know pain to know pleasure. While it is not her tendency to inflict pain, at times it must be done so pleasure can be found.
3. Hedessa favors the whip for it's universal usefulness. Having learned the various uses for the whip, she now cherishes it as both a weapon and tool to bring pleasure to those on the receiving end(if used properly) and the wielder. For her armor she favors leathers, as she can tailor them to bring pleausre to others. When not on an excursion she does dress as immodest as possible in an attempt to pleasure others seeing her. (While still keeping this in accordance with the server) As there are no specified colors for Xeen, she will choose her colors as to her fancy and what flatters her the most.
While she doesn't know who her father is, it is understood that he is not of nobility or any other high rank.
Last edited by thedagda : 03-01-08 at 03:15 PM.
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03-01-08, 12:59 PM
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#2 | | Game Master Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 3,676
Thanks: 131
Thanked 921 Times in 651 Posts
| Re: New Sub Hi there!
This is well-written, and will only require a few minor additions before it is approvable.
I'd like to know where she grew up - give a location to both her childhood and her training.
Also, the garden, while a lovely indicator of her future inclinations, would be difficult in her early childhood - until she was 9, the Dark Ages would have held sway over the skies, and growing a garden would have been difficult, verging on impossible. Keeping the pests away would have been the least of her problems.
I'd like to see a little more balance to her, since you've chosen TN instead of CN, which leads me into my next point:
You could expand a bit (no more than a paragraph or so would be necessary) on her inductance into the church. This might reflect her teachings at the temple, an anecdote outlining when first Xeen answered her pray, or some other such thing. Just a little more to flesh out the space between the ages of 12 and 18.
Once you've made your alterations, post again to this thread.
Thanks!
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03-01-08, 01:28 PM
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#3 | | Administrator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ThunderBay,Ontario, Canada
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| Re: New Sub Could you also alter the surname to something different please.
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher
I like to keep an open mind...just not so open my brain falls out.... I can't cure stupid and the law prevents me from trying to slap it outta folks. | | | | The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to minerva For This Useful Post: | |
03-01-08, 03:16 PM
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#4 | | Adamantium Golem Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Michigan
Posts: 163
Thanks: 49
Thanked 78 Times in 57 Posts
| Re: New Sub Thanks for the feedback and alterations made, hopefully I covered everything. | | |
03-01-08, 04:57 PM
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#5 | | Game Master Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 3,676
Thanks: 131
Thanked 921 Times in 651 Posts
| Re: New Sub This looks good. Your character has been approved.
Server address is west.layonara.com
Password is layoplayer
Some final notes on character creation:
- Please note that racial adjustments for players with subraces are skin based and thus get applied after getting in game.
- Only two ability scores can be less than 10 and only one can be less than 8 after racial adjustments
- Brownies, when selecting a head, the head you choose on the halfling selection will correspond to that numbered head for elves (for example, clicking right 6 times on the head selection during character creation will take the 6th head when clicking right on the elf creation)
- Ogres, please ask for a GM (type /dm Anyone here?) if you would like to change to a custom skin.
Have fun!
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“When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes.”
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