New Character Submission: Undrin Kalos

[Xhenosfrost]

Name: Undrin Kalos
Age: 25
Deity: Mist
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class:Cleric
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Domains: Air , Water

Appearance :

Mouse brown hair
blue eyes
5'9
always wears his diety holy symbol
scrawny as a kid but as he aged became more and more stocky

Biography:
Childhood (0-12):

Growing up at the sea port of hurm i spent my childhood near the wharf. i used to watch in awe as the storms whipped at the coast. it always used to fascinate me seeing the unpredictable raw power of the lightning and rain on the land and against the ships. my father was a merchant sailor and used to sail from the port of hurm to the port of hempstead trading local trade goods found locally in hurm. often my mother was left alone to raise and discipline me but unfortunely due to my rebellious nature i would sneak out and spend time sitting at the end of the docks watching the sea.

Adolescence(13-19):

My parents thought it was important that i learnt the value of hard work so
i spent my adolescence working at one of the local tarvens helping with mundane chores that the owner would give me but i didnt really care for the work so often i wouldnt show up and when i did only really worked when the barkeeper was watching me. one night when i was out at the docks watching the ocean i noticed a pirate ship anchor. i wasnt the most stout of boys so i decided to hide until they left. when i came out of hiding i noticed fire and smoke near where i live, i raced as fast as i could to see where the fire was
as approached i saw that it was my house that was on fire i rushed in to see what had happened to my mother. i found her dead upstairs laying on her bed. i quickly rushed out before the fire consumed the house. and ran to the wharf to avenge my mother. but when i got to the wharf the pirates had already started to row towards their anchored ship. i tried to enter the water to swim after them but tired a few metres in, i remember screaming into the cold night for justice i then noticed the weather turning bad and a storm start to approach, so i ran to the coastline angerly watching the pirates sail away,
a lightning bolt hits the mast of the pirate and the ship smashes against the rocks and the pirates drown. i remember feeling the storms had had righted a wrong that night.

Adulthood(20-present):

After waiting years for my father to return, i decided to set out to see what has happened to him. after traveling to the city of hempstead. I spent many months searching for my father. trying to gather as much information i could from the docked ships and local merchants. In my quest to find my father it brought me to a strange light blue building near the docks. Inside there was a gathering of men and women dressed up in the same light blue colours. I approached one of them and began to ask about my father and began to tell her my story on how i ended up here. she told me that the pirates that were killed in the storm are often favoured by mist due to their tenacious and cunning behaviours although these pirates did not gain the favour of mist for reasons unknown. I didnt realise mist wasnt the true cause of the justice that was served to those pirates that night although i am thankful for her storms. I was very interested into learning more about mist so the priestess started teaching me her teachings. after many sessions of being taught the ways of mist i realised that the chaos that mist brings is not only essential but a beautiful gift to mankind and one can only truely be at peace amongst pure chaos. It was at that moment i took peace from the anguish of my mothers death in the chaos and simplicity of the storm. after spending many months worshipping mist at the temple, i felt that it wasnt enough for the justice i perceived mist to bring, so i asked the highpriestess whether i could be initiated into the ranks of the mist temple. unfortunately for me it wasnt as simple as wanting to join, she told me i would have to proove my devotion to mist in all her glory and i was to wait till a storm approached and row out into into it and proove to mist that i was worthy enough to devote my life to her,
A storm did hit the coastline of hempstead a few weeks later so i rowed out into the middle of it to proove myself, it only took a couple of hours before my boat was completely wrecked in the squall, my body was getting dragged under the water but i continued to fight until eventually i lost consciousness. I woke up on the beach a few miles down from the town of hempstead. I could barely stand so i dragged myself further inland and rested for the day. when i returned back to the temple the priestess said i was worthy to become an initiate so i decided to join the church. I spent many years learning about mist and her storms, although many of the priests and priestess believe she is wild and unpredictable i actually believe there's method to her madness. and good things can come from her destructive and whimsical actions due to my stout physical nature i learnt to fight well in heavy armour and focused using the morning star/flail and shield.
I never did end up finding what happened to my father.


Numbered Dogma Statements:
1. I acknowledge, have read and understood the dogma and expectations of my character and its chosen deity and agree to follow these rules to the best of my ability.

2. I will respect any storms i come across in homage of mist. i believe good can come from mist's unpredictable destructive nature. I will lend my services to only those that have proven themselves to be resourceful and cunning to overcome any natural obstacles. i will only pray for my spells outside and when possible i will seek storms and high wind/rain to pray in. I will consider any man or woman trying to control mist's beautiful fury as an enemy to the church and will try to stop them from succeeding in taming the storms to the best of my abilities. I will try to strengthen the church and spreading word of the of lady of the sea and try to further myself and rank within the church to a tide.

3. I see myself as a battle cleric so i will be using full plate in combat with the colours of my diety (blue) Also i will be using my diety favoured weapon with is the morning star. enchanted with electrical or frost damage to mimic the storms of the ocean.

[Acacea]

Hello, welcome to Layo - there are a few problems with the submission that could use some clarification before this is approved. The class, domains, and alignment are missing from the usual stuff at the top. I assume from the dogma statements that you're going cleric, but what domains will he be taking, and what is his alignment? I'm guessing CG because of the mention there, but would appreciate the information filled out.

After you've added these things, it will be formally reviewed, but I will add my first impression just to get a clarification right away, to save you extra waiting time. The first thing that jumps out at me is the concept of the divine justice of Mist, the storm righting a wrong by disposing of pirates.

Mist is a CN goddess - fickle, chaotic, deadly, beautiful. She doesn't care for good or evil, right or wrong, though some of her clerics might. The makeup of her church is ever-changing and very survival-of-the-fittest, which applies to the view of the rest of the world, as well. If a group of pirates were quick, clever, and strong, why should they be disposed of? A storm of any kind is a challenge and a chance to overcome. If anything, pirates that outrun the winds and defy the laws of the land may well be loved by Mist ... until they aren't, anyway. So I think it just sounds odd that a cleric should claim that the pirates were killed by a divine retribution of Mist for their crimes or such things.

[Xhenosfrost]

Originally Posted by Acacea

The first thing that jumps out at me is the concept of the divine justice of Mist, the storm righting a wrong by disposing of pirates.

Mist is a CN goddess - fickle, chaotic, deadly, beautiful. She doesn't care for good or evil, right or wrong,.

I didnt mean to imply that there was divine intervention by mist herself, just the character interupts the bad luck of the pirates in the storm as a sign from mist although in reality that it was just an unfortunate event.

[darkstorme]

What Acacea meant (I believe) is that any follower of Mist would never interpret such an event as justice. That Mist destroyed the pirates is a sign of Mist's power, to be sure - the fury of the storm... but not justice, as Lady Doom doesn't really subscribe (as Acacea said) to the concept. If the pirates could have outrun the storm, then they deserved to live. If they couldn't, they deserved to die. Simple as that. So while Undrin can believe whatever he wants, the cleric he meets wouldn't share that view.

Along those lines, I'd like to see a bit of expansion in Dogma Point #2, as oulined in Cleric, Paladin, and Champion Submissions.

Originally Posted by LORE - Cleric, Paladin, and Champion Submissions

How this particular character sees and interprets their deity's dogma in the past, and how they will, in the future, reflect that interpretation. This does not mean that your character may not change how they interpret the dogma or how they embody that interpretation as they are influenced by world events and RP. Treat this section as more of a description of how your character currently plans to embody their interpretation of the dogma.

While respecting storms is all well and good, we also need to see how Undrin interprets his deity's dogma.

Finally, along the same lines, I'd like to see his adulthood expanded. As it stands, he met a cleric of Mist, he felt some draw because of the justice he perceived in Mist's storm (a concept he'd swiftly be dissuaded of, of course), liked her, and then decided to join the church. It is, however, a long jump from worshiper to initiate... I'd like a little more elaboration on how he came to decide to devote his life to his deity.

Once you've updated your biography in accordance with the above points, post again to this thread and your submission will be reviewed again.

Thanks!

[Xhenosfrost]

Originally Posted by darkstorme

Once you've updated your biography in accordance with the above points, post again to this thread and your submission will be reviewed again.

I have updated my Bio, I hope this is along the lines that you guys were trying to suggest. Im quite happy to work with you guys to fix up undrin and his beliefs so it makes sense and fits well into your world

thanks
Aaron

[darkstorme]

This is just about ready, but I think you need to read Mist's dogma over once more and elaborate a bit further on Undrin's devotion.

While thankfulness is all well and good, if a cleric of Mist took him under her wing (doubtless as an ally, at least in the short term), he would be dissuaded of the notion that any justice was done that day. He might feel that he owes Mist a debt of gratitude regardless, but he would know that She would not have meant the storm as any sort of retribution for ill deeds done. Likewise, the only "method" to Mist's chaos is that - chaos. Reveling in the tempest. There is order, even in chaos, but in Mist's case, this is more purpose than method.

I'd also like to see a little more expansion on his faith. Besides thankfulness, something of Lady Doom has to "connect" to something in Undrin's psyche. Something of the chaos of the storm has to appeal to him. Otherwise, where does the devotion that a true cleric manifests come from?

Just a little bit more detail and amendment and you should be ready to go.

Post again to this thread when you've made your adjustments.

Thanks!

[Xhenosfrost]

I have edited the bio, Im not sure if it is enough. Ive added changes to each point mentioned .

Aaron

[darkstorme]

Alright, thank you for your extra work. I recommend talking to a devotee of Mist in-game (but out-of-character, as rivalries between Mistites tend to be fierce), to better understand the dogma.

Also, just to avoid future confusion - it's Hempstead, not Hemstead. While I'm sure you'd figure that out soon enough, your repeated use of the latter name in your bio lead me to believe that you were confused about the name of the city.

That being said...

Your character has been approved.

Server address is west.layonara.com
Password is layoplayer

Some final notes on character creation:

• Please note that racial adjustments for players with subraces are skin based and thus get applied after getting in game.
• Only two ability scores can be less than 10 and only one can be less than 8 after racial adjustments
• Brownies, when selecting a head, the head you choose on the halfling selection will correspond to that numbered head for elves (for example, clicking right 6 times on the head selection during character creation will take the 6th head when clicking right on the elf creation)
• Half-giants and ogres, please ask for a GM (type /dm Anyone here?) if you would like to change to a custom skin.

Have fun!

[Xhenosfrost]

Cool thanks, I fixed up the name of the town

Look forward to playing and rp'ing on the server