Chracter Submission ~ Jewel Magnius

[Jewel]

Name: Jewel Magnius
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Age: 40
Class: Fighter \ Ranger
Alignment: NG
Deity: Prunilla
Language: Common
Height: 5'7
Eyes: Blue-Green
Hair: Her hair could be either in a long pony tail or falling Longley over her back, red color

Description: A lean 5.7 red hair with blue green eyes. Beautiful and well shaped. She does not look as a fighter at first glance due to her beauty and how she holds herself. She has slight freckles on her visage.



Bio: I grew up on a farm in the outskirts of Paro on Corsain. I was taught how to read as a child, by Eslars' Mother Mara, until she died a short while after the great darkness had settled. I always loved to laugh and play tricks on my older brother, Daniel, who would then try to retaliate with his own little tricks. I can say I had a happy up bringing, even if the country had been ravaged by war, the love of my parents and brother, ensured that. Our farm was a small one, out of harms way in a small valley two days walk away from Paro. It was mainly for our own needs, and for me tending to the few animals I had was a real treat. However, never the less, the stories of the people suffering or dying, reached our little setlement. I don't remember how old I was, I only know that for a certain time, my father and brother had the most precious of our belognings pack by the door. I was to young to understand why that was at the time, but when I was old enough my mother explained to me that the island had been invaded by a tyrant name Bloodstone. The invasion force had also killed some of my relative in the west gate, but being so young I have no memories of them.

As I grew up my brother decided to enlist in the town militia. He was often gone for a few days sometimes a week as he was out on patrol. However when he would be back we would spent a lot of time together. I love my family greatly and when things were tough I could always go to my big brother to speak to him. For my thirteenth birthday, Daniel offered me a sword he had bought with his meager wager. At first, it was heavy and he laughed at me when I was trying to swing it clumsily. With the years though, and showing me how he was taught to fight in the militia, I became quiet adept at it. I have always loved how he looked in his armor when he used to go to his mission. It was often sad and worrisome, but still being a warrior had something to it. It became very useful too, when it came to protect the farm animals from the local wildlife.

My father on the other hand, before he took over the farm, was a ranger for the militia. He's the one who taught me every thing I know about the wild, the animals, the plants. He also taught me how to use the bow and where to shoot effectively when I had to hunt. I guess when he was forced to retire from the militia, his love for the animals pushed him to change the farm, from the cornfield we had, to the cows and chickens and sheep's that we were herding. I always loved spending my time with them, and the more I did, the more I was able to see that I could understand them, sometime even talk to them it seems. It is not like I would talk to a human for say, but still we understood each others.

He used to bring me in the nearby forests, where he would teach me about the plants, and the animals. He would often talk about how the animals lived and ate, how to approach them to calm them, or even if needed to sneak up on them, to have a better shot, and always never to take more than what was needed. Our walks were always fun and I very much appreciated the time he took away from the farm to teach me his old skills. We often picked a different spot to sit and eat a little meal my mother would have prepared for our trip, and there he would gently let some animals come to us, calming them, and reassuring them that we meant them no harm. I was fascinated by how he could communicate with them. However, like anything in life, if you apply to it, you can succeed, and this is something I got to learn from him. I always loved the forest because of my father, always comforting when not in danger. The sound of the birds, the light breezes having the treeleaves dance.

There was, however, those times where in our walks my father had to hide us both hastily. Anything was good for those times; a hole in the ground, the hallowed trunk of a tree, even sometimes the den of wolves or caverns with bears in them. He always managed to calm them, so we were in safety within their mist. However, even then, he would always make sure I would not see what was happening. When we were in the tree lug or in the dens, I remember the ground shaking as I could hear big things walks near us and I remember clearly how the animals were scared at those precice moments, but he always sheltered me so I would not see what he was protecting me from. After a few years, our belongings started to return to their places and my father and brother became much more calmer and less on their toes at night.

Then one day, like any other girls I think, I started to get interested in boys. And boy was I served. Just beside our farm were three other farms, with a few boys in each of them. However, there was always one who could make me laugh more than the others and he was also a lot cuter and bright, Eslar, is his name. We spent a lot of time together as we could, and it was always good times. He would make me laugh about how he talked of the dwarves and the elves. We met at school, his mother being the tutor there. It didn't take long for us to see that we were made for one an other, but sadly the sun one day disappeared and not to long after that both his parents died. Still, he was an honorful man and took care of his brother and his farm as best he could and I helped him with it. Then one day in the fields while he was signing... he may be cute... but he's no singer at all... he asked me to marry him. It was the most beautiful day of my life. We had a small ceremony and from that day we spent our days together.

It's actually by spending so much time with him and watching him and his family tend to their farm that I got interested in Prunilla. Whenever he would go to the temple to make the offerings, I would go with them if my parents allowed me, I even sneaked out at times if they didn't. There at the temple I would listen to the priest talk and offer his blessings to their farm. It was an other thing I found comforting, knowing that the lady of comfort was looking over them, their families and their lands. I understood how ever that even if she was looking over them, nature had its own ways too. Therefore when, the great darnkness slowly starved our famrs to death, I never blamed her for what was happening.

One night Eslar woke up in a jump and woke me up then I just saw him run outside yelling wolves. I got up as fast as I could took my sword and my shield and went out side with his two brothers only to see the wolves running away, and one on the floor twitching still fizzling with sparks of electricity. I remember clearly the expression of aw we all had on our face. For years after that, he practiced a lot to master his newfound power and I just loved it when he was making his hand glow, so we could read together at night. Me on the other hand, when I could, I kept practicing the ways of the fighter, and what my father taught me of being a ranger. It came in handy too, when we had to leave the farm behind and our brothers to my family. We just couldn't meet ends, and his farm was dying off from the lack of sun. Even his animals were dying from the lack of food, and so were the ones from my father's farm. In addition, with the war that had ravaged our country, it was hard times. Eslar and I took the decision that we should leave and get our family any trues we could, this way we wouldn't be taking what other families needed and we would be able to help our owns.

I can say that through our travels I have seen many wonders... and many despicable thigns too. I was well sheltered by my family and I never really seen what the world was like. Bandits, people abusing other people. Even some of our companions would try to cheat us at times. I just hated when that happened. If you say you are a friend... you don't turn on them... you stand by them. But such is life I guess. We did meat some wonderful people too, I remember Tylan, a sweet young elf that we rescued. I also remember Gudmir and Vandar; two good dwarfs that made me laugh a lot. We shared a lot of years with them, a lot of adventures and good memories. I was also happy to see that my dear husband was now living a childhood dream of his, to learn their language and culture. It mad me so happy.

Well it has been 17 years since Eslar and I left the farm and we are now arriving on Mistone, ready to try to get money to help rebuild our lands and reunite with them, but also to explore more of this beautiful land that is our world.

[Jewel]

ok i updated the bio.

[darkstorme]

Hi there, Jewel.

While this is certainly a start, we will need to see substantial further justification for both classes in this submission. As it stands, you have a single sentence for each class. I'd like to see at least a paragraph expanding on her training in each discipline.

I'd also like to see a bit more development of Jewel, as an individual independent from Eslar. Eslar's discovery of his sorcerous abilities is, while an interesting event for her, hardly pivotal in her life - or, if it is pivotal, why is it pivotal?

To get an idea of what we look for in character submissions, have a look at Recent Approvals and Character Approvals. The approved submissions there should better represent the depth of detail we look for than anything I could say.

Once you've updated your biography, post again to this thread and it will be reviewed again.

Thanks!

[Jewel]

ok done it darkstorme

[darkstorme]

Hi again - and sorry for the delay. RL, and all that.

While this is much improved in terms of detail, it does present a small problem, in that it clashes rather dramatically with the history of the islands, and Corsain in particular.

In 1392, (when Jewel was two years old), the island was invaded by Blood's forces. Most of the population was either put to the sword or enslaved. Pit creatures ran roughshod over the isle, towns were burned, farms destroyed. These forces retained control over the isle for three years, at which point, a force of adventurers "liberated" the island. This eliminated the immediate threat, but left the island in ruins. This, unfortunately, does not mesh well with a "happy childhood".

The rebuilding effort began immediately, but didn't receive any real outside help until 1399, and didn't really taper off until 1415. This was a long, hard road of recovery - and Eslar and Jewel left in the middle of this process. Whatever the reasons behind that departure, the time before it would not have been pleasant - since, relatively shortly after the near-total destruction of all civilization on the island, the skies went dark with the debris from Blood's defeat in 1402.

While it's possible that Jewel's family's farm and Eslar's might have been in a secluded valley, out of the path of the raiders and out of sight for the three years of occupation, her childhood would most certainly have been touched by its effects.

In addition to this, I'd like a bit of expansion on her ranger training. If having an affinity for barnyard animals makes one a ranger, every farmer would have ranger levels. Being a ranger pertains more to knowing the woods, and the wilds, rather than domesticated animals.

Once you've made your updates, post again to this thread.

Thanks!

[Jewel]

updated it.

[Acacea]

Hello, sorry for the repeated requests for updates here, but basically we've just acknowledged the complete ravaging of the islands with a single sentence - that it was a happy childhood despite the war, safe in a valley.

I'm all for not requiring the mass studying of various textbooks just to try and get a character in, but you've picked a location that was torn apart shortly after her birth and almost completely destroyed. It was not a civil war or polite infighting, Bloodstone hit the islands and he hit them hard, hundreds of thousands of people dying horribly and most of the strongest navy in the world being wiped out. Imagine her father taking her on a walk in the forests when she was 4 only to encounter a legion of pit fiends. That's what we're talking about.

There were multiple plot quests that involved outsiders doing missions into the islands, and it was not a "sack and leave" type of scenario - demons crawled over the surface, and undead minions did their bidding. Ports burned, temples collapsed, and men women and children all died alike. I'm sorry if this affects your bio but that is the purpose of trying to fit something into a location - having it affect your character. Though short, it was not the kind of war that can be casually ignored while living in a happy safe farm in a valley, you know? There were survivors, but they were refugees hiding in terror from the forces of Blood.

The liberation of the islands was the first military defeat of Bloodstone in history, it was a big deal. However, many of those that were all about fighting and dying for their freedom, washed their hands of it after that. The survivors came down from their pitiful hiding places to wartorn ruins after three years, and it would not be unfair to say that the sole reason the people of the islands were brought up from total ruination was the Knight of the Wyrm that organized and drove the rebuilding effort personally, and the spirit of the people themselves.

You have the opportunity to make a character that is a survivor, who has the painful history of the islands stamped on her heart. Nearly destroyed when she was 2, occupied in flames until it was liberated with blood and tears when she was 5, clasping hands with outsiders to start anew for a great deal of time after. Really, it makes for a good character and story. But it is very difficult to ignore it. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I really think that trying to make excuses for why it didn't affect her are not the way to go, and if you have a set bio in mind that you don't want to change, then why pick Corsain? You guys could be from Mistone or something, someplace that was less affected by Blood's war thanks to the efforts of the Queen and Dragoncalled and all that.

Ironically, I think the islands actually fared better in the Dark Age thanks to the rebuilding efforts and having already gone through something similar, whereas Mistone was totally shocked, but I'm just saying... try making her a part of wherever she is, instead of just passing through. It's really needed for the islands, they've gone through a lot and had their traditions and culture nearly shattered and built back up. Thank you for your patience and please remember that if there are any questions we can answer, we will endeavor to do so.

Citizens of Mistone and Dregar, it is with a sad heart that we must inform you that the Kingdom of Rohden has fallen to the forces of Blood. To travel to Rohden is certain death, so be wise. All military forces are hereby mobilized to serve on active duty. Blood now controls sixty five percent of the world and with the harbor of Western Gate controls a strategic location to strike out at both Mistone and Dregar with little to no notice. It is time that for everybody to work together and defeat this fiend. More equipment is needed in order to outfit troops of all types, therefore, all blacksmiths and indeed crafters of all types, are now drafted to serve military needs. We are also need to increase or monetary depository and as such will not turn down any donation. The Mistone Alliance is in charge of gathering these items and delivering them to Blackford Castle and Pranzis accordingly. Stand up and meet this challenge, stand up and defeat this beast.

Signed,


Queen Allurial, King Waylend

"...It is a great day in the History of Layonara, Bloodstone has been defeated in a military confrontation for the first time ever! A year or so ago the Heroes of the Dragon began donating their blood, sweat, tears, hard work, and the fruits of their labor to the forces of Mistone and Dregar. At the same the militaries of these great nations began training with these very items. A few weeks ago an attack force set out from the docks on military ships with the single minded goal to release Rohden from the murderers, tyrants, and killers that held them hostage. A mighty force of well trained and equipped military landed at the docks of Rohden. But these forces had a secret weapon—many secret weapons—the mighty forces of the Heroes of the Dragon. These Heroes turned the tide of the battle and won the day all across Rohden! After many difficult battles over days of success after success, along with death, Bloodstone and his forces feel. Bloodstone has been defeated in a military confrontation for the first time in the history of Layonara! Without the donations and shameless sacrifices of the Heroes themselves this would not have been accomplished! The tide is turning and we are on our way to victory!...

"...For the Survivors of the Occupation of the Kingdom of Rohden, little has been done. The time for looking away has passed. Now, All People of Good Conscience are asked to help the Survivors recover their Pride, Confidence, and Hope. The Survivors have Basic Needs, which Citizens of Mistone and Dregar take for granted. Clothing, Food, and Medical Supplies are Sorely Needed. If the People of Rohden can be Well Fed and Clothed, and kept in Good Health, they can begin to Rebuild their Homes and their Cities. With the Aid of their Neighbors, the Survivors will once again have Hope for the Future. With their Basic Needs covered, they will have the Confidence to begin Rebuilding their Homes and Cities, and return to Tending their Fields. With a Firm Grasp on their Own Destinies, the People of Rohden will stand Proud and Independent. Though a few simple items will help return Hope to the Survivors, there is a Segment of that Population who need more aid. These are the Orphans, those Children who lost their Families and are too young to Recover on their own. To assist these young Survivors, an Orphanage will be constructed to House and School them.

The following Items are Requested as Donations..."

[Jewel]

updated once again.

[osxmallard]

Your character has been approved.

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