New Character Submission - John Sundasher

Alkain · 03-31-08, 08:29 AM

Character: John Sundasher
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Class: Wizard, Fighter
Race: Human
Alignment: Neutral Good
Deity: None

Biography:

Hight: 5' 8"
Weight: 130 lbs
Personality: He is always trying to be helpful, but sometimes is a little too curious for his own good. Can be shy at times as well
Description: Brown hair, green eyes, lithe build and is usually in typical mages clothing

History: As an only child of a family of Wizards, magic runs in the family. He lived a sheltered childhood due to the dark age, but was lucky to live in a household of wizards and sorcerers who were able to provide a measure of protection and shelter to those who needed it. A side affect of this was that he had many friends.
He started his studies at a young age, he once made the mistake of sneaking into the alchemy lab and drinking what he had thought to be some juice but was actually a transmogrification potion changing him into a cat for an hour when it thankfully wore off. It was shown that he had a great knack for magic in his studies, when he turned eight he became interested in swordsmanship and started training in the art of swordplay with one of his cousins. He would often have mock battles with his cousin and his friends, as well as drills with wooden dummies and as their skill grew they moved on to wooden golems. John mostly practiced with longswords but moved up as he grew older, a typical day for John would find him practicing swordplay on dummies then having a mock battle with friends and finally studying magical theoretics and how to apply them. While his father was an enchanter and his mother is a conjurer, John himself couldn't decide on a specialty so he chose to study all types of magic, though the potion incident left him with a curiosity for transmutation he decided that studying all types of magic would be better.
At age fifteen he seemed pretty adept at swordplay and often went hunting with friends to practice, it was also at this time that his father died in an alchemical accident, but that did not deter his pursuit in the magical arts or in increasing his fighting abilities. He continued his magical training to honor his father's memory. When he turned eighteen he went off from his home in Lor to find his fortune and to test himself as an adventurer, as well as to help those in need along the way.

darkstorme · 03-31-08, 07:22 PM

Hi there!

While this is a great start, I'd like to see John's character fleshed out a bit. My post in your Introduction thread should give you a few things to look at for inspiration, but a few questions you could answer in the telling of the story might be:

Why did he choose the life of an adventurer?
Where did he live before he set out?
Any siblings ("family of wizards")?
How did the Dark Age affect his childhood?
What does he look like?
How did he come across his sorcerous powers (these usually manifest at puberty, by the way, so eight is a little early)?

In addition to that, a quick misconception to clear up; while being the child of wizards is not counterindicative to being born with innate magical talent, wizards are not born with innate magical talent. For wizards, magic is a course of study - and other than intelligence, no given person has a greater aptitude, starting fresh, than any other.

Sorcery, however, is borne in the blood, and has nothing whatsoever to do with study.

Finally, while a wizard, being an individual of great intellect, might practice alchemy, alchemy (at least in Layonara) is not magic.

Hopefully this helps you with the expansion to your bio - once you've made your changes, post again to this thread and it will be reviewed again.

Thanks!

Alkain · 03-31-08, 09:58 PM

Ok, updated

darkstorme · 04-01-08, 12:29 AM

Alright, lots of changes here, and some greater detail, but now we have some new issues to address.

(Thank you for your prompt response, however; it is, after all, our goal to get you in game as swiftly as possible.)

First and foremost, Prestige Classes are not approved on submission. While I understand that your intention is eventually to try for the spellsword class, it can't be construed as being approved on submission, and so must be removed from your class split.

Second, if you're going to multiclass from the start, we'll need somewhat more substantial justification for both classes. The general rule is a paragraph per class at a bare minimum.

Again, as in my post in your Introduction thread, your best resource is the approved characters in Recent Approvals and Character Approvals. Reading a few of those (particularly those who requested dual classes from the start) will, hopefully, give you an idea as to the level of detail we look for.

Again, as before, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Alkain · 04-01-08, 12:57 AM

And updated again.

darkstorme · 04-01-08, 02:08 AM

Your diligence is impressive, and we appreciate your enthusiasm, but we really need to see significant expansion on both classes before this can be approved.

I've gone through the recent submissions and pulled out a few multi-class approvals for your consideration:

Though some of these submissions also include odd races, and therefore require greater detail still than a more mundane two-class submission, we still look for a little more depth of detail than your current submission.

Hopefully this will be of help to you.

As always, if you have any questions, please ask.

Alkain · 04-01-08, 04:11 AM

Ok, edited once again. Hopefully you'll find it good enough to approve

Alkain · 04-02-08, 07:47 PM

Just in case you forgot or something, bump!

osxmallard · 04-03-08, 09:00 AM

No need to bump.

Your character has been approved.

Server address is west.layonara.com
Password is layoplayer

Some final notes on character creation:

Please note that racial adjustments for players with subraces are skin based and thus get applied after getting in game.
Only two ability scores can be less than 10 and only one can be less than 8 after racial adjustments
Brownies, when selecting a head, the head you choose on the halfling selection will correspond to that numbered head for elves (for example, clicking right 6 times on the head selection during character creation will take the 6th head when clicking right on the elf creation)
Half-giants and ogres, please ask for a GM (type /dm Anyone here?) if you would like to change to a custom skin.

Welcome to Layonara.