New Charecter- Jalis Skykiller

[Mrdudeman]

Character: Jalis SkyKiller
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Classes: Fighter/Barbarian
Race: Dwarf
Alignment: Neutral Good
Diety: Vorax


Biography:

Jalis was a free spirit, always looking for a party, friends, and a keen fight. Violent when necessary and caring when he feels needed, Jalis was always the kind of Dwarf you wanted to have around. But a tale goes of a sad past, that after his dads death at the bar he worked in, due to a confused drunk with a temper, Jalis got the news and ran to the bar himself, with his dads axe in hand and threw it in a fit of anger at this Drunk. The axe didn’t kill the drunk, nor even hit him, but the drunk had realized what was going on that moment. He had realized that he just killed Bane, Father of Jalis Skykiller, with the jagged edge of a broken bottle. Jalis didn’t seek revenge, because even under his drunken shell of a man, he knew what he had done was wrong, and terrible. The drunk had no excuse for what he did, and never showed his face around the bar again. Jalis, years later, still kept his fathers axe, in the winery his father had built in the basement of his home, hanging on the wall, next to a plaque that reads "Bane's Reaver". Jalis smiled upon this.
Jalis has grown up much in the past 66 years, skilled in the ways of a Great axe through years of training (and chopping down trees), and social in the local clubs, pubs, and churches.He hoped to find a religion fit for him. One day he wandered into Bloody Gate, and heard of the mighty Varka, The Legendary Warlord of Bloody Gate, and the god that he idolized, Vorax, The father of Battle. Spending some time at the shrine of Vorax cemented his attachment to his fathers axe and started in him a faith in the ways of the Battle Father.
Jalis seems to be getting along pretty well for him self, always up for removing any sort and form of evil. Jalis has helped many people out, from fending off rats in a nice ladies kitchen, to a vicious fight between him and an awoken zombie that neared town. Jalis had also shut down his fathers bar a few years past, due to the sadness that dredged that place for so long on Banes death. He never really talked about his mother, and after Bane passed away, nobody dare asked. People enjoyed being around Jalis, whether they were just being sympathetic, or just liking him as a friend. Jalis never adventured alone, he needed to be with someone to share a quick joke with someone in the midst of battle.
When not cracking skulls of evil, He resides in a near by bar. Perhaps he’s there for just a drink or maybe trying to prevent any violence in that particular bar. Occasionly in bar fights, Jalis would pose as the bouncer and toss them out of the bar,and maybe even toss a punch at the "winner", so the loser doesnt feel bad for his next bar fight,only to come the next day. A story tells of a bad side of Jalis. In event of Jalis being hit in one of these bar fights, Jalis doesnt just move out of the way, he gets a piece of the action. At times, Jalis would get very angry and start a bar fights of his own. Another event, Jalis' house was broken into by an angry barfight victim. Upon entering, the guy was in for a suprise. HAving gotten beaten up Jalis already, the guy tossed out an insult about Jalis' size being a dwarf,even a crack about his father's death. At this, Jalis was filled with rage and, rumor has it, Jalis dismembered him and mailed the pieces to his relatives. Then again, there are many rumors about the event that took place that night. But that man was never seen again.
Though the place his father had died in is now nothing but a stable, he pays his respects every Saturday. There was no memorial at that location because Jalis wants to build his reputation in the course of his future not his past. Nobody can really say where he trained his axe, but the towns know it a supreme talent. Jalis never said it but people have come to believe it’s his father that inspired him to hack down evil with an axe. Jalis doesn’t seem to point near any specific goal, or any dream in his life. He seems to keep all the good people in the world under his wing and all the bad in the world under his axe. Though Jalis has been always cheery, and mellow, people sense that if provoked, a nasty being that nobody has seen before can reveal it self.
Other tales journey through the lands of Jalis. Just small talk and dying rumors of few of his acts. Some have Witnessed Jalis training in the woods with a mighty axe, and when he would fail to do a certain trick he'd try to pull off; he would punish him self by punching a tree with his bare fists, over and over again. He seemed he was practicing for something, for what, I do not know. He seemed very dedicated to his fighting, for even in practice, he wore his full suit of armor. He seemed a fit warrior. One that if trained a little more, Could be the Legend he seems to strive for.

[Acacea]

Hey, welcome to Layo. Sorry for the wait, but RL hits as it usually does, so please try not to PM character approvers about submissions. It's just more time that they are checking PMs.

This is looking pretty good, but I am curious about the alignment - why neutral good? Did he really dismember someone and mail all the pieces back? If he is "Neutral Good," then what is the dark nasty side you allude to in the bio? Is that just the Barbarian Rage being referenced, as in angry and vicious...against evil, or something darker and less discriminating? If the latter, he could, with the whole drinking brawling free spiriting nasty side bit, he come out looking a bit CN - Chaotic Neutral, or at least CG. So I'm interested in what makes him NG in your mind.

Being 66, he has lived through the end of the war with Bloodstone and the Dark Ages, which clouded the sun in a sort of nuclear winter that lasted for a couple decades, causing mass famine, death, depression, etc. As fickle as people are, those that were lauded as heroes for opposing Bloodstone's world devastating conquest returned to devastation and bitterness following victory, often the new targets of scorn. The skies were cleared once more 20 years later almost magically it seemed, ash and debris there one day and gone the next. Unfortunately the shock of sudden warmth and light is almost as hard as it being taken away, so the lands and people have spent some years recuperating.

Just FYI being new. Once approved he will be starting in either Fort Vehl or Port Hempstead; the latter has common trade and travel route to Alindor, which is where Bloody Gate is so I figure he must be from there somewhere. So he could just hop on a ship bound for the City of Gold, from Mariner's or something.

Anyway, someone else may have other comments, I'm mostly curious about the alignment at present, though a barbarian in full plate is unusual.

[Mrdudeman]

Theres a reason he neutral good. with all these good deeds he has done (and rumored bad deeds), theres a hint of a beast inside of Jalis. Myabe one day all this anger can be unleashed,and turned into evil. Perhaps it can be a controlled rage that is forwarded into battle. i just wanted to leave my self open to choices. And the bar brawls (in my mind),he wuz being the good guy in the occasion. He was just stopping the evil brought upon the bar. And the bar fights he started was with a drunk he wanted to have removed "just in case".dont want another event like his father happening.

[darkstorme]

Hi again!

What I think Acacea was trying to say, earlier, is that dismembering someone and mailing them back to their relatives over a case of breaking and entering and some insults would be... beyond the pale for a Neutral Good character. They might kill a burglar, but the other acts would be abhorrent. While it's fine for Jalis to have a dark side, we adhere to alignments pretty firmly here, so Jalis can't be "Neutral Good with a touch of Evil". His dark side (not his rage, which would be quite another matter) has to be pretty thoroughly in check.

The other point (that you may have overlooked) that Acacea was making was that from when Jalis was thirty-three 'til when he was fifty-one, a cloud of dust encircled the globe. The sun was blotted out, crops died, temperatures plunged, famine and disease ran rampant and populations diminished sharply or vanished altogether. It was, in short, a thoroughly unpleasant time to live. We'd like to see some mention, in his biography, of how Jalis made do during these times of scarcity, hunger, and suffering.

In addition to Acacea's points, I have a few of my own that I'd like to see addressed before approval:

• While we have a small "negative reinforcement" training session near the end of Jalis' backstory, and we've established that he knows how to use a Greataxe and heavy armour, we've no sign of his training in arms. Wielding a Greataxe isn't like swinging an axe to chop wood, and putting on fullplate is difficult. Fighters, generally, have to have either spent many, many years practicing and learning (and they have to have access to weapons and armour, of course), or were trained by someone. His father owned an axe... perhaps he gave his son early lessons?
• When did Jalis' father die? If his son was old enough to help out at the bar and throw a Greataxe, it couldn't have been too early in the young dwarf's life...
• As I inquired in the other thread, where did all this take place? You might want to have a look at the Maps of Layonara to find a setting for Jalis' backstory. This not only exposes you to more Layonaran lore, but gives you a place for Jalis to call "home".

Once you've edited your biography to address the above points, post again to this thread to let us know. Or post here if you have any other questions you need answered.

Good luck!

Oh, and it wouldn't have been "every Saturday". It'd've been every Satari or Agorin.

[Mrdudeman]

Character: Jalis SkyKiller
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Classes: Fighter/Barbarian
Race: Dwarf
Alignment: Neutral Good
Diety: Vorax


Biography:


A Dwarf born of Storms Folly,which lies just west of the Crystal Peaks. His name was Jalis Skykiller. He was a free spirit, always looking for a party, friends, and a keen fight. Violent when necessary and caring when he feels needed, Jalis was always the kind of Dwarf you wanted to have around. But a tale goes of a sad past, that after his dads death at the bar he worked in, due to a confused drunk with a temper, Jalis got the news and ran to the bar himself, with his dads axe in hand and threw it in a fit of anger at this Drunk. He missed,weeping as he saw a glympse of his father laying on the ground in his own bloodbath. Jalis was only 14 at the time, so the axe only went a foot or two before plummeting to the ground, but the drunk had realized what was going on that moment. He had realized that he just killed Bane, Father of Jalis Skykiller, with the jagged edge of a broken bottle. Jalis didn’t seek revenge, because even under his drunken shell of a man, he knew what he had done was wrong, and terrible. The drunk had no excuse for what he did, and never showed his face around the bar again. Jalis, years later, still kept his fathers axe, in the winery his father had built in the basement of his home, hanging on the wall, next to a plaque that reads "Bane's Reaver". Jalis smiled upon this.
Jalis notcied in his later years, when he was 33,that there was a dark cloud that seemed to cover the earth. He had not seen what this famine over the earth could do, but Jalis didnt care for it. He thought is he was meant of the earth, he wouldn't die so soon. Well, foolish Jalis continued to live his life as he normally would. But Jalis wasnt affected. Is as if he were immune to this whole great plaque that covered the earth. This is where he began to question the gods, and his faith.This went on for 17 years.
Jalis has grown up much in the past 66 years, skilled in the ways of a Great axe through years of training from a man named Kresh,who he knows used to train his father to use his axe quite well. Kresh would have Jalis wear a full suit of armor and once said that "The best offence is a good defence,young satuan." Jalis found putting this full suit of armor on very difficult, but he knew he was better safe then sorry.He adapted to this armor idea,adjusted to it.Jalis learned to wear this armor as if it were his own skin. He was taught that even in the full suit of armor,he was not invincible. But Kresh seemed to have left him when he was 64. Maybe the old man died. He was at least 200 years old,but i had more respect then to ask him. Clearly age didn't matter with the skill Kresh had. Jalis was also social in the local clubs, pubs, and churches.He hoped to find a religion fit for him. One day he wandered into Bloody Gate, and heard of the mighty Varka, The Legendary Warlord of Bloody Gate, and the god that he idolized, Vorax, The father of Battle. Spending some time at the shrine of Vorax cemented his attachment to his fathers axe and started in him a faith in the ways of the Battle Father.
Jalis seems to be getting along pretty well for him self, always up for removing any sort and form of evil. Jalis has helped many people out, from fending off rats in a nice ladies kitchen, to a vicious fight between him and an awoken zombie that neared town. Jalis had also shut down his fathers bar a few years past, due to the sadness that dredged that place for so long on Banes death. He never really talked about his mother, and after Bane passed away, nobody dare asked. People enjoyed being around Jalis, whether they were just being sympathetic, or just liking him as a friend. Jalis never adventured alone, he needed to be with someone to share a quick joke with someone in the midst of battle.
When not cracking skulls of evil, He resides in a near by bar. Perhaps he’s there for just a drink or maybe trying to prevent any violence in that particular bar. Occasionly in bar fights, Jalis would pose as the bouncer and toss them out of the bar,and maybe even toss a punch at the "winner", so the loser doesnt feel bad for his next bar fight,only to come the next day. A story tells of a bad side of Jalis. In event of Jalis being hit in one of these bar fights, Jalis doesnt just move out of the way, he gets a piece of the action. At times, Jalis would get very angry and start a bar fights of his own. Another event, Jalis' house was broken into by an angry barfight victim. Upon entering, the guy was in for a suprise. HAving gotten beaten up Jalis already, the guy tossed out an insult about Jalis' size being a dwarf,even a crack about his father's death. At this, Jalis was filled with rage and, rumor has it, Jalis dismembered him and mailed the pieces to his relatives. Then again, there are many rumors about the event that took place that night. But that man was never seen again.
Though the place his father had died in is now nothing but a stable, he pays his respects every Satari. There was no memorial at that location because Jalis wants to build his reputation in the course of his future not his past. Nobody can really say where he trained his axe, but the towns know it a supreme talent. Jalis never said it but people have come to believe it’s his father that inspired him to hack down evil with an axe. Jalis doesn’t seem to point near any specific goal, or any dream in his life. He seems to keep all the good people in the world under his wing and all the bad in the world under his axe. Though Jalis has been always cheery, and mellow, people sense that if provoked, a nasty being that nobody has seen before can reveal it self.
Other tales journey through the lands of Jalis. Just small talk and dying rumors of few of his acts. Some have Witnessed Jalis training in the woods with a mighty axe, and when he would fail to do a certain trick he'd try to pull off; he would punish him self by punching a tree with his bare fists, over and over again. He seemed he was practicing for something, for what, I do not know. He seemed very dedicated to his fighting, for even in practice, he wore his full suit of armor. He seemed a fit warrior. One that if trained a little more, Could be the Legend he seems to strive for.

[osxmallard]

Your character has been approved.

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• Please note that racial adjustments for players with subraces are skin based and thus get applied after getting in game.
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Welcome to Layonara

[Mrdudeman]

ty very much people for ideas for my story. Soon to hav much fun of Layo. Take care evryone and i hope to see you in game.