A Woman's Heart

ystrday · 06-05-08, 10:59 PM

Where do I begin? I have a journal that I write my day to day matters, things of importance that has happened in town, and yet I cannot write all that I feel. It is not that I cannot write it, but I do not want to read what I write, because seeing it down in print makes it real. But I cannot hide from what I feel anymore, but I cannot speak what I feel either. It will do more harm then good. Or will it? What is it that I do feel? How much do I feel? I did not realize how protective I can be when the one person in my life I hold dear is being threatened even minimaly threatened I just want to take it away and protect them with all my being. Yet if it was someone else I can stand back and let the pieces fall where they may. Yes I may intervene if it is necessary, but it is prudent to be logical and think about what ones actions are, and if something of importance is about to be destroyed step in immediately. But with this person, there is no logic to it, no reasoning. I am at a loss. My daily prayers do not bring me as much comfort as it used to. My fasting and submission to Lord Aragen hasn't brought me joy in the past few months.... Aragen.. my soul.. the one thing I have believed in since I could remember. Yet, I have come to find myself questioning myself.. Aragen.. Aragen.. My family has followed Aragen, and it was expected, I expected to follow Aragen. He answered my prayers all those years ago.. then why do I feel this way? What are the answers.. why are they not coming to me as clearly as they used to.. why.. why.

ystrday · 07-07-08, 02:58 PM

All is well, must have been a weak moment when I wrote what I did. I have gone about my life, continuing my prayers, my fasting and over time I have come back to the center of my soul. To carry out the work Lord Aragen would have me do. Many small things have happened since my last entry. I have met more people, a couple of halflings have come to mind, as well as a Roferian named Aesthir. I do not know what Aesthir is thinking but I have a feeling his mind is continually processing information that he has heard in his travels and his countless questioning of people. But what concerns myself, is what is his purpose in asking so many questions, and what he plans on doing with all the information he is given. That is what concerns me most, I have a sense of mistrust because I do not think he sees the truth as plainly or as innocently it is given. My protective feelings have surged forward to protect Lance from this man. Lance feels no harm will come to him. I pray to Tor.. *she quickly crosses what she was about to write.* I pray to Aragen that He will see us through this time.

ystrday · 07-09-08, 01:23 AM

Why? Why? Why?! Why did you allow this to happen? What am I supposed to do? Help me.. please.. or leave me alone!.. one of you answer me.. Aragen.. Toran.. answer me!

ystrday · 07-24-08, 10:46 PM

*she just writes one word* Tomatos

ystrday · 08-14-08, 05:06 PM

Soon, I hope to speak to someone that can aide me in finding the answer between the relationship between Aragen and Toran. I still have a hard time believing how circumstances have changed in a short few moments. I thought my Knight was confusing me, causing great pain after telling me we cannot be, by his actions and words. But in reality I was confusing him, two people who are not good with emotions find each other. Now we are together, looking for a home, creating a family. Is it to much to hope that we will finally find peace? Or will our love destroy what he is?