Through the shadows onto the path of death.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Novlar 2, 1435

Family? I had one, until like all the others I knew, they betrayed me.

He stood there in front of me, no care in the words he was saying. And for that much I had no care into killing my own brother. Changed into his bear form, his back to me, I did not care either. His blood filled my swords, yet I am not quenched. There are more that probably knew, more that I had put trust in, more that chose to betray that trust.

In time they will all come to the same demise. They wanted to get to know me, to learn who their long lost brother was, wanted me to bring peace to the man that is my father.

There is no chance of that anymore.

Betrayal can only be met with the most extreme of consequences. And so I will bring it to them. Maybe I'll play along, just long enough to bring them their own drink, same as they have made me drink.

As for her, the one that had bonded with me her heart and blood, a lie, a farce. Her time will come too, but not while she is with child.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Decilar 10, 1435

I though there was hope once, when I saw the child of the veil, a family a shadow had. For a small amount of time, it gave me hope that I could be a part of mine, but now, that hope has disappeared like the shadows under a ray of sun. Too many betrayals, tears and blood shed.

In a single month, from a cry in my arms, to the talk of happiness even if of no possible child, to the familiar words to my ears "I need time."

It is coming clearer to me that the life of a dancer, is one that is lived alone.

Yet I still bare a message from Rhizome, the same man that has instilled that "I need time in her", words to be delivered to the man that is my father. I wished she would have been there with me, when time came to tell him these words, but I guess she will not.

The baggage I carry, may prove to be too much to those around me. My path to carry it alone then.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Jenra 1, 1436

I have met with many of them since, and things that were not told are now known. It is obvious that she did not tell him the truth, talking about her mother, drinking and then both of them feeling awful for the act they had committed. Does it changes things? Does it takes responsibility of their actions away? No. But it does tell me that my brother was blind sided and had no clues. A fool maybe, one of many that fell for her traps, that fell for her charms and how she portrays to be weak and broken until she has what she needs of them. Even with meeting her, while dropping in the room some of the things she had given me in the past, I didn't harm her, the child in her prevents me from it.. or is it more?

Hanna feels responsible for this, as it was her idea to have my brother talk to me, but she could not control the way he did it. She could how ever have told me herself, maybe then, the news would not have been so dire and cold.

My dearest, know that I am trying to fix the things I have done, for you, so I do not bring more onto you.

*he sighs a moment*

but now even her, the cutest whiskers of all, passes me without looking. Is it on purpose? Maybe not, I just know that each day that passes since she told me that, I miss her more.

Tomorrow is the day I go see Rain. Tomorrow we will see if Sil'via was right even for that.

[Hellblazer]

I have went to see him, Elohanna by our side. It is strange to meet the man that is somewhat responsible for who I am today, one that nearly killed me as a child, but yet.. I do not blame him anymore.

Many words were exchanged.. so many to think about, but somewhere I know he is right.

*Holds the glowing blue amulet in his hand looking at it*

He gave it to me, the family crest, said it is handed to the oldest son from generation to generation. I guess it also goes to the oldest daughter if no son was born. But it feels so foreign. I refused it at first because for me I am like a stranger to this family, but yet, his words,

"To remind you where your blood belongs"

Maybe this is what I was longing for so long? And my blood boils too, for her, can it belongs to two places at once? Family and love.

I saw Yvale again.. but she ran away, then flew away. I don't know what to think anymore. How can a heart fall so quickly and easily? Maybe I wasn't so far from the truth when I told my father that my curse was love. Yet how does one live without it?

I'll give her the time she needs and yet still show her that I care, as it is all that she asked.

"if you want me to be yours, you have to do one thing, care for me"

I do. I truly do.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Jenra 16, 1436

Well add one thing to my list of things against Jaelle. Little elfy got her goons to come after me, reasoning the boat I was taking to go to Leringard and play some cards, I ended up somewhere hot.

They are keeping me here I don't know for how long, if I ever go out, but they are quite the silent bunch. Although I did hear a bit of middle eastern accent and the guy that brings me food has quite a tan too.

No bars to my room, so I can't see when the sun goes up or down, I'll have to keep track by the food they bring me. Had there been a bared window I would have sent Shady with a message.

And to say the words of my father had managed to convince me that revenge wouldn't be worth it. This obviously wont help how I view Jaelle, and I think that if I ever get out of here, it will be time for a few people to know what I know.

I had just met my father for the first time, and now this.

I have no clue how Yvale will take this, if she will even care at all, but as I have learned from passed experience, I need to keep one thing in my mind for hope, or this will break me.

[Hellblazer]

How long has it been? where am I? I lost track of time.. they do not seem to keep a regular feeding time for me to see, or is it just that because i have nothing to do I can't see it go.

Tried to keep my mind gong with playing x and o's with Shaddy, but when you win two thousand times to zero in a row.. boring is all i can say.

I've been trying to get the one that feeds me to help.. to send a message of where I am, but for now I don't know if he even listens.

[Hellblazer]

Yvale

my dear.. how I have I failed you. The only thing you have asked of me and I can't even do it... I sit here, looking at this amulet, wondering what my life would have been like if I had not been kidnapped as a child.

The day I come out.. if I ever come out. I will do all that I can to show you my sweet love, that I had no intentions of leaving you. Even what I did to elgon .. was on a wave of anger, blinded and hurt by the betrayal he had done. Unknowing that he was lied to without words. I do so regret what I did to him. If only there was a way to show you that.. but here in this cell block.. I can't.. I need to get out.

I tried to get the one that brings my food to help, but with all the time that I have seen him, I have not managed to get even an hello out of him.

At least if I die here, I have met my family, got to know them a little until, that seductress of Jaelle ruined it all. I pity those who think that they can help her change, that she needs help. She is who she is, and embraces it fully, using it for her own gain. Leading Tritherion by his own ego and heart, was the perfect example of that.

As if the decade I have shared with her, had not brought enough hardship, she keeps on bringing more to torture my heart even when I have found someone I care for as much, if not more.

I keep you in my heart and head, Yvale.. hoping to see you again one day to hopefully have you see that I am not what the events made me do. I have dueled people, I have killed once to escape my captors at my village, and I have killed Elgon out of pain. But cold blooded, I am not. If only there was a way to show you my heart, you would see.

*Closes his journal after letting the ink dry.*

[Hellblazer]

*The handwriting is unsteady with blotches of ink.. words overlapping each others as the lines themselves seems to sway up and down.*

I.. I can't. can't stand this anymore.. yvale.. Yvale.. a.. all i dream is of her face looking at me and walking away.. The silence... even in .. in the darkness of the caves i lived.. more noise.. more sounds.. more presence.. I'm losing it.. woke up with a gash on my head.. blood on the bars.. Did I do this to myself? I don't know .. I don't remember.. Apparently th. they didn't even treat it.. it feels infected..Yvale.. I got to hold on for her.. I got to.. need to.

[Hellblazer]

*with time all entries into his journal digresses, handwriting barely readable, mixed in between elven and common. His words repeating in both language*

Betrayal.. pain.. alone.. all alone.. alone..faanmilailc..alone pain.. light.. so much light.. pai.. n.. al.. be.. alone... unbarable..necc sa.. ilcela... le sema..alone.. pain.. betrayal... bright light.. to m.. to much.. no more.. Yval.Yvale forgive me... to much.. kill me.....to much...Ceela oemveela sa..

[Hellblazer]

*a shaking handwriting, barely readable, scribbles incoherently in his journal*

bright light.. lady.. ghost.. silent.. then gone..
elgon.. regret.. so much regret..

today again.. ghost lady.. see myself dead..
hanging with my own belt..

Yvale.. dreams.. running away.. losing hope..
losing mind.. pain..so much pain.