Andre Monok -- A Jumbled Man

[waballou]

*Sitting under a tree Andre pulls out a book wrapped in cloth. It is a black leather bound book, with no label, and in it every page is blank. He sits there and thinks, contemplating whether or not to finally write his first entry. After some time, his pen hits the paper, written very neatly and uniformed, each paragraph having the exact same amount of lines.*

#1

Since the day of her death, I have felt nothing but fear. It started as a fear of everything outside of my own home. I would sit there and think of nothing more but of the death of the creature that killed her. Every night, I dream about her. About how our life was before her murder. She had the prettiest smile, the prettiest eyes, the prettiest hair, and I hated that thing for taking her away from me.

As time went on, I managed to bring myself outside, but I still had problems. Little things, like dirt and grime bothered me. I felt uncomfortable at social gatherings, and was scared of heights. My brain felt cluttered, and I felt a bit crazy. It wasn't long after that I decided I needed to leave, as the only thing that could bring me peace was finding and killing the creature who killed me wife.

As I traveled, I found the one thing that really comforted me was the trees. I began to speak to them, and felt that they were listening. I have never believed in the gods, and I may just be going crazy, but I swear they listen. I'd speak to them and feel like they were wrapping themselves around me, taking care of me. Those were the only times I could bring myself to sleep, wrapped in a tree.

Nothing changed for quite some time until the day I decided to once again enter a human city. I landed on Fort Vhel. Probably not the best place to be. This place was dark, and gloomy, and extremely dirty! But yet, I began to feel better about things. I found myself able to communicate well with people, something I didn't expect, and the few people I met soon after were very welcoming.

There was something special about one though, Miss T. Something about her made everything seem ok. Maybe it was finally talking to someone about my life and my problems, and learning they had their own that made me feel ok. Either way, I felt better about things. The best I had felt sense Rosetta's death. And for a moment, I realized maybe revenge wasn't the answer to my problems. I guess we will see how things go from here.

On the other hand, I want to be able to do some more carving soon like I did when I was younger. I can't though because every tree I find seems to be guarded. O well I'll live without it I guess... Maybe I can knock some of those bandits away once I get better with my bow. Another thing I found is that my time with the trees and nature seems to calm the animals. Like they know I mean them no harm.

[waballou]

#2

When it comes to my problems, things have been going really well for me. It has been easier for me to talk to people. Just the other day I was introduced to a group of about 5 or so, and it went fantastic! Of course, they all were extremely nice, and it made it easy, but still, I'm doing better. That is what matters, I am doing better. Still the problem with blood splatter still. Ick I just can stand knowing what's in it. I DO NOT WANT OT GET SICK!!!

Miss T tells me I need to get over it, learn to use a sword and shield. I just know the moment guts and blood fly all over me, I'll freeze, and be easy killing from there... So I don't think I can. Not yet anyways. It's funny how I always seem to run into her, and she always is there at the perfect time, to either save me from dieing, or tell me what I need to hear when I am confused. I'm lucky people like that are around.

Something strange has been happening to me though, or more like, things are unhappening... All the angry feelings and all the resentment I've felt towards religion and the ideas of these different Gods, it's turning into feelings of respect, and desire. I don't know that I could devote myself to serving any God, I haven't even decided for myself yet if I completely believe they are there, but the people who serve them, they're, good people.

I've always been so convinced that anyone devotedly serving a god would be disrespectful and forceful, but the people I've met lately, they are people who have given their lives to serving their gods and laying their blessings on others, and they aren't that way. Not like my parents were. I'm starting to realize my parents weren't like everyone else. And perhaps that you could even serve a God and not force it on people like my parents did.

Miss T had a good way of putting it, that many of the ideas and philosophies presented in religion are good ones to follow and live by, and I can pick and choose what I think is right, but I don't need to be a devote follower. Just acknowledging there existence, that can be enough. Funny thing is, it is treating religion in that way that makes me wonder about it, not someone pushing it on me.

Either way I guess I have a lot to figure out. When it comes to what I believe, this may have something to do with it, and it may not. But lately, I've felt an even deeper connection with nature and the forests. I talk to the trees, and I feel like they talk back. And my connection with the animals has been stronger. They seem to listen to me a lot of times. If I want a dear to come, it will come. It's been strange... I don't know what it is.

[waballou]

#3

Lately I have working real hard on my wood crafting. I found chopping at a tree with an axe in both hands brings the branches down faster, and speeds up things. Learning to build with wood though is a long process, and I'm not anywhere near making much of anything. Just a bunch of sawdust. I'll keep working at it though and maybe eventually I could start making things for people, and one day selling them!

First thing though, before I start selling, I'm going to make something for Miss T. I have no idea what she'd want, and really, I doubt she'd like anything I'd make her. But it's the thought that counts right? I haven't done much to show her how much she has started to mean to me. She's done a lot for me, helping me out all time. She's saved me from death who knows how many times! and gave me that sword, it'd be nice to do something for her.

I can't wait to tell her all I've done with that thing she's giving me though! I was out finding some gum arabic for sand paper, and ran into some little things. They looked a lot like kobolds, but were something different. Anywho, the nasty things would turn invisible, get right on ya, and wack you. I paniced and for some reason, instead of grabbing for my bow, I grabbed for my sword and shield, and beat the thing!

Of course Slvane was there to help, I wouldn't have wanted to do it on my own. But despite the splatter, I fought through it! Of course I washed it all off when all was done, but that's not what is important. I was tired of relying on others as a shield, and frankly, it never seemed very fair to them. And now, they don't have to! At least, not as much. I'd still prefer not to get splattered, and I won't fight zombies and things that way.