The wind and the leaf

[Hellblazer]

Well here I am, debarked from the boat to Hempstead and not five minutes in, I could feel their gazes on me, hearing whispering at my back. I felt exactly as when I was young again.

Met some people.. other adventurers, they call themselves. I think they are a bit more open minded since they didn't try to kill me. But they ask so many questions.... Ayana is a sweet little ranger, introspective it seems. She ran home without saying goodbye though.. a bit lacking in manners? Oh well who isn't. There there was this blond called rose.. woa.. stunning and well.. hmm I think i could dream about her a bit. Shy though and really quiet. We went into the kobolds camp us three, but came out empty handed. Then there is this Iris, and other cute lass, very talkative and very questioning too. Fun to have around though. Met a half orc by the name of Rak, and elf that .. well seems to like to crouch more than walk... infant stage in adult hood? wouldn't be the first time I see that. And that Arthemist following her, not sure what's up with the bottle that he was talking to her about as if trying to feed her. People can be strange some times. We cleared the kobolds twice that day. For the farmers, they said. I just had the urge to beat them up, for good or bad, who really cares as long as you do the job. But then there was an other rose.. that one had thorns longer than a bulls horn. The witch killed me with a fireball... I swear.. if it wasn't for Selaan voice resonating in my head with her teachings.. I would have just sliced her up.. I had the urge.. really really wanted too, but it wouldn't be right.

This morning I woke up with those nightmares again.. Why can't they just leave me alone.. the symbols that I just don't comprehend.. the blood and death and carnage.. and fire like some fire pits. I just had to get up and I started to train with my blades. I realize that this is a whole different game out here. I need to train more.. I need to become so at ease with them that they are part of who I am. like if they were my arms. As one.

Oh and apparently there is someone like me.. well I don't know yet. Some guy told me to go to Leringuard and look for a man with blue skin. He didn't know his name.. just said that there was someone as odd as me there. Well see.

[Hellblazer]

Time has flown by at an alarming rate. Since I stepped foot off that boat, sick as an old dog, I have met many new faces, but most I don't trust. There is a few I do however. Maran for one, even if we banter a lot, mostly for fun in my case, I still trust the fact that he is a nature lover. Mirren, a sweet lady, but sadden and hurt from something her past that she doesn't remember. Rose, that is still so quiet, but now I know that something horrible happened to her with a demon. And finally but none the very least, Bellethiel. I can't explain it, it just clicked I guess. We have been getting closer to one an other for the past few months. She likes going into reverie, her head on my lap that is for sure and it seems that she is interested in me. I CAN'T hide the fact that I am, even more after the treasure hunt marathon I have made for her through Mistone and Alindor. She did tell me then that I did something that really meant something for her. That she loved to see in a man. Although I think it has brought us maybe closer, at least I know she knows how I feel, I have to say that I am unsure of what she feels at all. There is time she seems interested and other times she flirts with others.

One things for sure, each night that she was with me, I have not had any nightmares. She has a calming effect on my spirit, but it's not constant. There is time I get angry.. Idoran is presently feeling some of it, but because she is always there, it forces me to keep it under wrap. But the nights that she is not there, I dream. Savage dreams, dreams of people I have never seen, of some I have seen. Battles, eternal fire, exterminations. And since I have met Belle, the dreams includes her now, and it is freaking me out.

Why does it do that? because I care.. can I not care about someone, something without having to pay the price for it? Can I not have a semi normal life, with someone to care for, to bring joy to? Or am I doomed to be the pariah of the world because of my blood? Sometimes.. living alone in the woods with the animals as company is much, much simpler.

With all of that I am still looking for that man with blue skin. I have spent entire days in Leringard looking for him. But I hate cities to the outmost, and city folks distrust me at the outmost too seeing my red eyes. Not a good mix to maximize my search.

[Hellblazer]

Well I have finally found him, a joy followed by turmoils.

His name is steel and he will train me if I get him hickory dust.

But that is overshadowed by the rest. One simple question from what seems to be a player, are we courting? And all that came out of those pretty lips of her, is.. silence.

Now what am I going to do with all that I have collected for her surprise? Is it even worth it anymore? If one stranger can bring that kind of silence...

I guess I have to get it through my thick skull. Who would want to be with what I am. I am not good looking, people find me scary because of my eyes, if not a circus act. I have a bad temper. I feel torn inside of me because of my blood. So why would someone want this into their life when there is some Idoran and Lance running around? Hell even my parents couldn't deal with what I am that they left me to die in the forest.

But for the sake of all things, I will do as I have always did. Keep it in me, bury it with all the rest. Push on and go on with life, as if there was nothing to it, nothing to harm the carapace I erected long ago. Wearing that smiling mask that everything is alright. To concentrate on my trainings and leave the rest come if it comes. I am what I am. I have to admit and face it, born from the pits and a stigmata.

They say that after the rain, there is sun. After the night, there is day. We shall see.

Why.. oh Why did I leave my forest??

[Hellblazer]

So much gathering my feets hurt. But at least now my surprise is complete, and I have some of the dust for steel. But since that night at the stormcrest, I have not seen Belle. Maybe she's fallen for that elf player and they have stormed off together somewhere. If it's the case, it just shows you how getting attached to people is dangerous, when you are someone like me.

Even though, he hasn't started training me, I still have practice a lot on making the doubleblades as part of myself. The kobolds have felt the searing pain of my blades a lot, while I was out there getting the things I needed. The question is, did I get all of this for nothing?

[Hellblazer]

Well, time goes by, and by, and by and byandbyandby.

I haven not seen Steel since that day with Belle where he told me he would teach me if I got him some Hickory dust. Which I did and now it stands at the bank waiting for the day I would be able to give it to him. In the mean time I keep training as hard as I can, focusing on every movement so that it is fluid and precise, strong and powerful, but without putting me in a disadvantage while I strike. Focusing of feeling through my two-bladed sword as if it was my own extended limb. I know it wont be easy and I will probably get bruised up more than nothing in those sparring session, but it means the whole world to me, to be as one with my weapon as one can be, so I can be better, stronger, faster and able to protect those around me, those dear to me.

To which I don't have many.. in fact I can count on three fingers on my hand who they are. And beside Rose, I have not seen any of them for some time now. It's itching, burning, pulling it in between loneliness, worries, pain, and joy. It's hard to explain even more hard to comprehend, but it's been a month and a half now since I have seen her. Ni said he has not seen Bellethiel either since that night at the Stormcrest. Now I wonder if she will ever come back, almost anticipating at every corner hearing her familiar voice say "Feh! sweetie". No one ever told me that could be that heart wrenching. But then again, those that raised me, never were ones to care for love. They had their duties, their care for nature and that is it. Sure they cared for me.

The nightmares have intensified now. The more the time passes by the more those I know are seen dead in them. There is this presence, this shadow in my dream. I can never make it out. Evil, destroying everything it sees. Killing the one I care about. I don't want to admit it, but it does scare me. A whole lot...


Oh right, almost forgot. Helped a Farmer by the name of Pratt, his bloody stock changed into monsters while he was out in town and we were to care for them. Mushrooms apparently. And also was recruited lately by a rofi to escort him. Turned out that we had to go down a cave and look for a boy. What kind of parents would send their child to touch a shrine, knowing that he could get killed by the beasts that lived there, for a wager.. to win some acre of land so they can retire from hunting for the Prince of wolves. Of course we found the boy dead, and the father shared a moment of sadness, but he didn't really cared about him. He cared more about the family name and honor and now having his small piece of land.

I know what I will be doing for the next few years. Every same day of the year, I'll go and bring some wolves to his herd. To sacrifice a child to such pitiful end as having a land and for the honor of ones name. It sickens me.

[Hellblazer]

Three months now that no one has seen her. I think I have to move one it would seem. How does one do that?

I spent time with rose, and Ayana again. But I don't know, nothing is quite the same now. So I bury myself in my trainings, and in gather what I still need to get to pay for the surprise. Now what am I going to do with all of that? I can't just throw that out, and I can't give it away. What if she comes back and want to pick up where her disappearance left us? Would I still be willing, in six month? a year? Would I keep all of that until then? How long does one wait, in those moment? I don't know anyone who went through that.

Steel has also disappeared it seems, never got back to me, and I didn't get work that he was in Vehl ready for training.

Life.. is boring right now.

[Hellblazer]

Folian be praised,

My heart is in trepidation. I write in my journal as she is in reverie, on my lap again. After three long month, she is finally back, she needed to sort things and have some time on her own. Hopefully it will be beneficial. She was so excited when she saw the box I had for her, even more when she opened it and saw what was in it. I could see her eyes glittering as a child who opens a gift on her birthday. And Although I simply opened and rested my hand on my lap, she took it on her own, and as we spoke she gently caressed it. And she has this amazing little tattoo on her lower back, is it a good sing that she didn't get angry at me or slapped me because I peaked?

We ended up trying her new gifts on the poor kobolds. We manage to take all of them down, but we did take a licking. In the end we went to our spot again, talking about anything and everything. Even there again, she laughed when she realized I peaked at her again, and blushed when I told her "how could anyone be unable to look at your beauty". Shortly after she fell into reverie on my lap again, but this time I didn't want to waste my time by sleeping so instead I watched over her, gently caressing her hair.

Later on Ni came with a whole bunch of other people. After making sure she would be alright and after leaving her a note, I went with them to look for some clues about the dreaded mirror that that fat pie master stupidly got sucked into. I didn't go far into the search as I didn't feel right to have left her there, so I went back, and luckily she was still there in reverie, the note not even opened. I placed her back comfortably as she likes to be, and here I am now.

Hopefully with her by my side tonight, I will be able to sleep without these dreaded nightmares.

[Hellblazer]

Seven months since I last saw her. So many things happened since and so many more to come. I haven't seen Steel, but I have heard of an other weapon master that could help me learn. His name is Kyle pandorn, a master of exotic blades.

I have to say that I miss her deeply wondering if she will ever be back, but how long does one wait? I have no idea, and life just seems to take care of those things by it self. The question is now, what will happen if she comes back, and Emry and I have gotten to this point?

I have gotten close to her, but for now it is only companion ship, but there is something there. The way she looks at me sometime, when I get close. Or even how she touched my cheek the other day. Things for sure, she appriciate my presence as she said, and perhaps there could be something in the futur. I just don't know what to do about Bellethiel though. What if she comes back? What if this.. what if that.. how does someone get to make decisions into the matter of the heart?

For now I think I'm going to burry myself into crafting and training and see where that leads.. I am getting confused in between two possibilities that only a year ago, I wouldn't even have thought possible.

Ni is showing signs that he doesn't want to change, my efforts to try and show him a different way have failed I think. I had to try, as Seelan did for me, instead of leaving me die there even though she knew what I was. I was given a chance to live and make a life for myself. Although most commoners can't see that I am not a beast, some do and just because of that I have to try. Emry doesn't understand, well maybe she does, but she is entrenched into the past. Even made a dagger to protect me from him. I saw that dagger the other day in vehl, but she hid it hastily, she didn't want me to think it was for me, as to deal with me. She is afraid that my will to try and help Ni, will get me killed.

I have to say that I might have a hard decision to make in the futur, if I can not help Ni lose his streak of willigness to kill those that may stand in his ways, then I may have to do somethign drastic to protect those I care about.

[Hellblazer]

*A Letter handed out to Canar in homestead at the attention of Colin, Ranger of Folian.*

Dear Colin,

I know it has only been two years since I left home.. wolfswood forest. And I know that I haven't written to you in the past year, but things have been so weird.. so ... complicated and busy. I write to you today not knowing where to start.

First, you and Seelan would be proud of me, I am sure. In the past year since I got to mistone, I have helped many people, farmers, shop keepers, towns captain. I have made some friends, for good and bad of it. But all of this is running me thin. I was so used to the forest Colin, to the solitude and quietness. I remember when it was only you, Seelan and me. Not forgetting the wolf pack. Simpler times. Now I run around in life, unsure of where I am going, trying to give out as much as I can, in return for what I have taken, as Folian would want it. But I find myself exacerbated but the narrow minds of some of these commoners. How ever one tries to prove themselves, there is always those that would jump out at them, ready to drain their livelihood, because of their race.. or more precisely the past of their race.

I am giving a chance to a dark elf, for him to prove himself. Trying to show him ways for others to see that he is not like his brethren. But the more time pass, the more I see I am failing at it. I know that Seelan would never have given up on me, nor you. But I find myself pressed on every side, to distance myself and fall in the mold that is predetermined by others. On one side there is the people that are nonchalant about him, not caring of his race or what they did in the past, I feel the pressure from them to rebuke those that do not view him like they do. And on the other side I feel the same pressure to distance myself from him, because of who he is, and because they are not willing to give him the same kind of a chance I had from you and Seelan. That would see him hang high in the public square at the view of the children and a roaring crowd throwing apples and tomatoes to his dead corps. And I can't say that he is helping his cause either. He keeps talking about how he would dispose of those that would stand in his way, making his life difficult, and I can only wonder when he will make due of these threats, and go for someone that I care. And then what? what choice will I have? but to take action against him to protect them, and then be proven wrong. Were you two wrong in raising me? Was Seelan wrong in saving me? I am left wondering if it wouldn't have been better if she left me to die on that tree.

I also met two people to which my heart has jumped and stopped beating. One of them seems to have disappeared since almost a year now. Colin I can't even begin to describe the peace she brought me. She, by her simple presence by my side at night, managed to quell my nightmares. Can you even Imagine that? for as long as I can remember, each and every single night, I had those cursed dreams, those runic sings, the murders and mass killings of people I didn't know. And in the past years since I left the forest, the dreams had only intensified. Now I would see faces of people I knew, killed, dismembered and left to rot in the fields. Of people half dead crying and pleading for mercy. Of fields of lava and fire, surrounding me in my dreams. And worst yet.. Now in my dreams I see a shadow. humanoid.. but I am never able to reach it, each time I do.. it dissipates. But her.. she was able to give me a restful night, peaceful nights. Not once have we been together, but she would simply fall into reverie by my side and just watching her until I feel asleep myself, washed me in an aura of bliss that I could never describe. Her name was Bellethiel, but now she is gone, and I have given up hope that she will ever come back.

The other, is also of elven nature, she is an illusionist of great potential. Her name is Emry. I can not say if she has the same peaceful tendencies on my dreams as we have never spent a night sleeping in each other arms as i did with Bellethiel, but she does bring excitement to my life. I met her about 6 months ago. She has much beauty about her, not only physically, but internally too. We have spent many hours talking together of many things. And Colin, beside you and Seelan, this is truly the only person I have ever felt that was truly caring for me. Up to a point that she has even fashion a dagger in the eventuality that Ni'haer would try and do me harm. We love to spend time together, venturing in the world and even discovering new things that we had not seen. But although it is only companionship as yet, her own feelings not being at the same stage, there is more than she lets shown. She confuses me Colin.. so much. Because of her I am stuck in between two walls. One is the wall of my heart, of my growing feelings for her, and the other wall is the wall of friendship that I have for Ni'hear. She does not approve of him, and would gladly see him dead I think. Many time she has expressed her concern about him, about my safety, or more of lack of safety in giving him a chance. Do I trust him? of course not. But unlike her, I am willing to give him a chance to prove to me he deserves that trust. But yet, I can't just shrugs what I feel away and act as if nothing is. I have found my mind to be wandering toward her many times over the past few months. But also that my dreams have included her. It is so disturbing that every night, I would dream of her demise.

You told me once that I had those dreams because my true hellish nature was clashing against my beliefs and how you and Seelan had brought me up. I wonder if it is only that Colin, I fear there could be more to it than just dreams.

You have always known me to push for perfection in how I trained with my two bladed sword. Even though you always though of it to be a barbaric weapon, of no fines but only brutishness. but never once did you discourage me from trying, and so, as I came to mistone, I had started to look for a teacher of the blades. One that could help me unlock my true potential with my weapon, for me to become one with it and it with me. The first man I have me is called Steel, we had an agreement that if I was to bring him hickory dust, that he would train me, but it has also been a year since I have even heard of him, and through that time I have heard of a weapon master of the Katana, and exotic blade. Sure it is much different than mine but the principals still applies. I am presently looking up into him to see if he would be willing to teach me. Maybe you heard of him Colin, Kyle Pandorn. If you did, could you please let me know what type of a man he is? Could I trust him to not turn on me for what I am? But even so, I have never ended training myself, each day at dawn or day break. I go through the routines you have showed me, feeling for each slice, each vibration of the blades. For my sense to reach the tip of each blades as if they were the tips of my fingers. I will succeed in this Colin, The day we meet again, I want to be able to stand up tall to you, a master of my blade, a master of myself. I just hope I can do it one day, before that wrecked soul mother take my last strand. I have dined with her Colin.. you were right, it is painful, it is scary.

Well that's about it for now. I don't know when I will be able to get a letter to you again, hopefully it will be soon.

May Folian gives you the perfect hunts you deserves and may he stride by your side always.

Your son of sorts,
Fehriel.

//this letter was handed out under Gm supervision on an impromptu quest.

[Hellblazer]

Why is it that things always have to go wrong? Simply talking to Shrowd behind the merchant house near Fort Llast, out of ear shot of the pawnshop dealer and those that might walk by, not out of sight though, just out of hearing. And yet there she comes with the bandages I had asked her to purchase for me, so I wouldn't have to enter that dragon lair of Toranites. But since it was the only temple in reach, and we wanted to go hunt undeads, we needed the blasted bandages. When she reached us we had done talking and were heading back out on the road. I felt an itch up my leg, so I shifted my pants around a bit, thinking it was just the fabric running off a scab. But right there and then, her face changed, she dropped all the healing kits on the ground and cast invisibility before I could tell her what was happening. As I shifted my garb again before she disappeared, I saw ants falling down from on of the sleeve. I must have been standing on an anthill or something, because they were trying to eat me alive.. I just can imagine what she must have thought. First she asks me if I know her that well, when I let slip that Shrowd and I are the same, and now this. For sure I understand how she could get the wrong impression, but she didn't even give me a chance to explain.

So we searched, and searched, and search, the silkwood forest, the kitchens inn in Hlint, Hempstead, Krandor, Vhel. I even went on to search Mariners hold, again.. being sick on the voyage, but my mind was elsewhere and I didn't give a rat arse that I painted the boat with my previous lunches. But she was no where to be found.

If that was the only thing, fine, maybe she wouldn't have reacted that way. But down in Haven a few hours before, her and Ni'Haer almost came to a battle of the Al'noth. Screaming at each others in front of every one, him even threatening to kill her. It didn't take me much more to get in between him and her, my blade at his throat, sending him a clear message. I gave both of them my trues at that moment, it was thoughtless on their part. Sure Ni, is the type that stays unseen and cast spells to slow the enemy down, makes us stronger and warded. He will even cast offensive spells here and there, but he could do more. Sure, she screamed at him and revealed to the whole party who he is, but in no way should he even consider threatening her, with me present to make things worse. All of that made him leave the group. I don't know if they had the sight or if he lost his concentration and got spotted. But going up we were ambushed right out of the climb up. It was only me and Ke'kay at that point and I couldn't fend them all off. I fell and I felt the soul freak tug at my soul for the second time.

I don't know. I'm lost in this situation and it is making me crazy, love or friendship, friendship or love?

And to think of it, for one that said her feelings were not at that stage yet, why the heck did she overreact that way? throwing my stuff on the ground, running away, and even leaving the bouquet I had given her that night on the road in the gobos land?

I AM GOING CRAZZZZYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that day had started well too. A job that took me back through my homeland to fort homestead. I had not seen Caran in so long, and he was pleased to see me too. It gave me the perfect opportunity to give him a letter for Colin. We chatted much, and he seems in good health.


Really, really reallyreallyreally.. Maybe I should just bury myself under a mountain somewhere... they are going to be my death... my death I tell you. WHY OH WHY didn't I stay in the forest.

Wellllll, tomorrow is an other day.. I hope.. I doubt it.. well maybe not.. gah I need to drink something.. something strong. Drown myself into numbness, forgetness.. if only for the night.

[Hellblazer]

*He looks at the incantation for the see invisibility spell she left on his poster*

Now.. how the heck am I supposed to use that?

[Hellblazer]

**Sitting by the fire with the group Samuel Hired, Fehriel takes his journal out and writes a little in it, keeping an eye of Emry that is seemingly thinking about what he said to her a moment ago.*

My drinking as of late has taken a toll, I remember that Tabris had to dragged me along by the leg once.. And as I sat in Llast, with many people, I saw Emry there. I think she recognized me even if I changed garbs and all. She didn't seem to appreciate at all my drinking then, and to say the least.. I was a bit fed up of drinking myself. Two weeks of drinking is enough for anyone I think. I gave most of my bottles to a small one from mist, she drank so much that she fell down on my lap. It was rather uncomfortable, not because Emry was there to see that, but.. well I don't just leave eny one fall on my lap. Any how that man.. Samuel came, talked that is wife was dead and all.. Tyra tried to make herself the boss of all yet again. That teen can really be annoying, impetuous and arrogant. Even when she was outvoted as the talker, she still tried to push herself over the others. That twerp sure knows how to put people against her, and then she is yelling to every one why no one listens to her. Well maybe if she would just shut up once in a while and stop barking every little thing that passes on her mind, and pay some respect to the others, the others would pay some to her in kind.

We decided to go help the man, at the time I wasn't really feeling like doing just the right thing.. always was difficult to do just the right thing for me. I know what it is, but sometimes I feel pulled the other way. And this time was stronger than the other so I asked for a pay this time. The man didn't seemed too pleased by that, but we do have to live and sometimes, well lets face it, when Tyra is there, adventuring cost a fortune in bandages.

It's a good thing Ni'haer wasn't there that day. With my mood I would have lobbed his head off, or at least threaten him of doing so if he ever threaten Emry again.. or if anything would happen to her, I swear in front of Folian that I would hunt him down, there wouldn't be any places for him to hide that I would track him down and bring Natures fury on him. He can't just go on and threaten to kill her in front of me and expect me to be all jolly about it.

Any how.. we're in a small town now, at a camp fire.. tried to get as much info as possible on the cause of death.. we know that she was left there intentionally. That's a start. As we are camping, I approached Emry and even if she didn't talk back, I was at least able to tell her my thoughts. That there was nothing in between me and Shrowd but friendship.. and even there. That I didn't try to make Emry think anything had happened. It's not something I would do to her anyway.. I care to much to lose her to such a stupid thing to do.

Well I better get some rest, well be going soon I think...

*Blows on the ink to make it dry and puts his journal back into his pack*

//to be continued in this post since it's time bubbled.

[Hellblazer]

By Folian life is strange.

First of, I have finally met with this Kyle Pandorn, and saw his Katana. It is a beauty of a weapon, but I still prefer my two bladed sword. After talking a little and seeing he wasn't at all put off by what I am, he agreed that he would teach me. This is good news since I have not heard of Steel for over a year. coming up on two now. And beside, Kyle said he wouldn't be able to put a price on such learning as to master one self and the blade.

Maybe through learning to master the blade as being part of me, I will be able to gain mastery over myself and my lineage even more.. Maybe this will finally put my nightmares to rest. I can't wait to start our trainings. I expect that he will be hard, you can't become a master at what you are without putting a lot of efforts into it. I am not scared of that, not one bit.

And the good news keeps on coming. Emry and I finally made peace. Of course there was a lot of discussion about me haven been drunk. I explain to her that it was for drinking an ale I had never drank before and was unaware of it's strength. She thought that once you drink it is over, you loose all control. Sure if you drink senselessly. But for me, drinking has always be more of a social thing with Colin. We used to drink a little together at a fire place, talking about the day's hunt. I never really needed a drink, never felt the urge and the craving of having to drink. So I know I am not an alcoholic, which is what I think scared Emry. She asked me if I could simply not drink, it was an easy answer for me since I had not touched one drop of ale in two weeks, when we talked at the fire camp. That seemed to reassure her a bit, she ended that part of the discussion with a ''we'll see''. Before she left though, I answered her other concern. She viewed me as someone saying one thing and doing the other. Somehow I felt she was talking about women in there too. Thus before she left, I told her that I could tease people, tell them I found them cute and all, but if I had someone in my heart, there would never be anything more than that. I looked in her eyes saying that, and saying that there was someone in my heart. My sight on her, I think she understood what I meant. Because she simply put her hand on my cheek before leaving.

A few days later we went to gather the things I needed to make her arrows. As we went to get the wood, we cleared the orcs near Hlint. I was lumbering the wood as she went into their tent. I couldn't hear anything so I check, and there she was lying on her side looking at me with a smile. After a moment i joined her and she moved to the side. We laid there for a little bit and then she leaned closer to me, stopping just a few millimeter of my lips, and after taking her her sweet scent, I closed the distance.

it was a kiss to take the breath away from any one, even monks with their superb fortitude, would have their breath taken away. And yet it was as gentle as the wind slowly breezing on the leaves, having them dance slowly and peacefully. Since then we have kept getting closer. Shrowd doesn't seem to understand why I take my time this much, saying I should jump on the occasion and just take her. But as Colin said one day, everything worth dying for, is something worth waiting for.

I am happy.. not something I am overly used to.

[Hellblazer]

Well I have heard many stories this night, of pirates name Roberts, and Kahl, of Priceless medallion and mermaid. Had some fun with and at the expense of that ship captain.. it was a lovely time, and Emry was there too.

But now I am left to wonder a few things. Am I doing the right thing, now that I know that I am probably being hunted by a Toranite named Lyr. Can I put her into harms way by staying and being close to her?

*he looks out at the sea for a while before starting to write back into his journal* I know it is her choice to make, but I am wary of talking about it to her. My heart tells me to stay, my head tells me it could be dangerous for her if I did.

Maybe Ni was right in somethings. Maybe the only way for us to live peacefully is to take out those that would harm us or the one we care about, before they can take us out. I can hear Seelan roll and curse at me down in her grave, for these thoughts. It wouldn't be the first time that someone would want me dead for what I am. But I have never had someone by my side to worry about. And here I was telling Ni that if he kept to their laws.. *his hand writing grows illegible at that word* and do good deeds, people would see you for who you are and leave you alone. I guess I am wrong, and there is no safe haven for us, but with those of our kinds.

Folian.. help me see what is right and good, not only for myself, but for her. Should I leave? should I stay and fight? Risking proving to those that would like me on a pike, that they were right into believing what they are, even if they are wrong.

I also have a strange feeling, I don't regret anything, but I can't shake the feeling that she might, either that or is growing tired of me. I guess I need more lessons into understanding women before I can write that book. That one lesson into not just looking at the obvious meaning of a expression, but that some of them can mean more. Is just not helping me.

Guess I'll go craft more arrows, and healing potions for the next few days, see weeks. It seems to help me think.

*He leaves his Journal to dry on his lap as he keeps staring at the sea in hurm*

[Hellblazer]

I must be cursed, By FOLIAN, I must be cursed.. Either that or Shadon has decided that I would be his next Guenna pig for life....

She thought she would see if she could start to feel something or me and thus we tried.. but in one night.. spending talking with that Julius.. she finds out that she wouldn't be able to ever feel for me? He's elven.. I'm not.. duh.. I was raised by an elf as an elf. So what if my blood is not green or blue or what ever colors there is in life, that distinguish us from a gnoll or a umber hulk. It's the soul that counts, what is inside. For sure no one will ever have the same definitions for every thing.. does that makes us less then what they are? if a couple had the same definitions for every single things in their life... they would be the pinnacle of boredom, the perfect definition of routine.

"I don't want to lose what we have, I like what we have."

Sure, it is fun, she is great, too great, what happened to the idiom that it takes a human life time for an elf to make a decision.. or grow into something? one frigging night... is all it took. Heck, she's more human than elf it would seem for that.

I vent now because I could not in front of her.. Elves are proud.. heck I am also.. most are..

Could I get passed my own skin.. I wish it was that easy.. I can accept who and what I am.. but does she know what it is to be in constant battle inside of you, good battling the evil there is. it's not a loosing battle, it's one that I felt was becoming easier. I had someone beside myself to keep striving to win over my lineage now.

And yet again, she placed her hand on my chest kissing me, this time on the cheek though. I couldn't contain those words any longer. As I knew this would be my last chance to tell her how I truly felt. And so I told her what there was in my heart for her. Her eyes closed as her forehead leaned against my cheek at that moment. Unable to speak more than a whisper she said she had to go and she would see me soon. And as she left, I couldn't help it no more.. containing it was too hard, killing me the piercing of a million blades in the exact same spot. I howled to the raising sun, all of my anger.. all of my sadness and desperation.

Twice have I loved, twice my heart has been ripped out of my chest and shredded into tiny pieces. I curse you tree, where for I fell the first time, and now where my heart was taken into the abyss of despair. I curse you and all the others like you, may your falling leaves be for ever tainted by the blood of an aching heart. May your falling leaves, ever be the sign that beauty and harmony dies slowly as each of your leaves touches ground. May the life force be for ever drained out of your trunk, so that never shall one wort blossom out into their resplendent forms.

To roam alone, a lone wolf, no doubt it is my destiny.

[Hellblazer]

Sorrow came to visit me today
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day
Sorrow came to steal my hope away
Only tears can tell
Of this holy hour

This mountain’s high, too high for me
This mountain’s high, too high for me

Sorrow came quicker than a fire
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day
I feel your hand, the warmth, your sweetest smile
But you slipped away, through the great divide

This mountain’s high, too high for me
This mountain’s high, too high for me
Written by Martin Smith ©2003 Curious? Music UK

This song has lingered in my head for months now.. each time I see her, hear her voice, see her smile. Why didn't Fisterion accept me as a trade for the sacrifice?

[Hellblazer]

Today was the hardest day of them all.

I found the guy Shrowd warned me about, an altercation ensued, where I warned him to stay away from my private life. We've known each other for having traveled together, and I thought him to be a good man for a Tori.. Right after Rose Blair. But with what Shrowd had told me, I just couldn't let that stand and had to make sure he understood that it was a bad Idea to pry into my life. Malina was there though and she tried to persuade us both to stop arguing. She's a small elf I befriended a month or so back, helped her a few times with jobs and all. I thought her to be a better person than most, even if she is a xeenite, but I guess I was wrong.

She managed to convince me to go to the inn with her to calm down, and so we left there. Lyr followed not long after and as me and Malina were talking, he threw a key to me, telling me to rest and to be good. I know he was not really mad, just exasperated. But that Malina, I don't know why, she lifted my helm and gave me a kiss on the cheek, saying that he was a jerk in a way, but I was, wild and she liked that. It stunned me a bit, and while she was pressed on me, and he threw the key at me, she told me I was exotic and that was why she liked it, even though she knew what I was now and wasn't put off by it. She then asked me if I wanted to help her with a ritual and I said yes, not realising at first what she meant. It's only after we got into the room and she started to prepare herslef, and told me I was too dressed up to perform the ritual that it rang into my head.

I must have looked like a doofus right there, and Emry face passed right through my mind, but with all that had happened lately, I just needed a distraction, something to pry my heart away from Emry and give me air to breath. As we started her "ritual" I found myself to be tied up to the bed with my own darned shoe laces. And then she got up blew the candle out and walked out of the room, my armor under her arm. You can blow the candle, but the light from the inn will undoubtably light the dark room as you open the door. It made me mad at first but then I laughed. Sure she had lured me there, but still it was still funny. I chewed myself out of my bindings and got to my Armor.

I found Mel outside by the well, and we went to the fire, in preparation to a trip we were going to do. But that is where I found Malina again, Emry was there too so was Julius. Guilt came to mind right away, clawing at my head and heart as I saw her, anger washed over me after, when I saw him. But I needed the answers to why Malina had did what she did, so I tried to talk to her. Right there, she started to play me for a fool, pretending not to know what I was talking about, and being the all offuscated person, when I asked her to go talk privately, i didn't want Emry to hear anything of that. Of course it angered me and I walked away a moment, calling out to her in elven

"I should have known with the Exotic"

When I came back, she was picking on Rich, so I told her to leave him alone, but she wouldn't so I called on darkness to comfuse her and shuver her a little away. Which worked but she dropped Richie straight on the head, on a rock. I picked him up and healed him the best I could and as she came closer to pick him away from me I guess, I told her she had done enough and walked away from her toward the Ilsarian temple. She followed of course, persistent woman. Some talks ensude at the temple where she finally showed her true colors, calling me "Demon". It angered me so much, that for a moment I really thought of beheading her right there. I think she noticed and she called at me to do it on the sacred ground. Telling her they were not my sacred ground, I finished tending to Richie as best as I could, then as I left, I told her that this day she had lost a friend.

That event made me realise many things, many people plaid me in the last few months, some posing as people that were caring about me, others as some people that were friends. It made me realise that I was better off as a lone wolf. I found Emry and Melana still talking at the fire, and gave Emry the last lion bag I had had made for her, in it the last Arrows I had made, and said goodbye to both of them. Julius voice raised saying thanks for ignoring him again, which I told him it would never happen again. I don't know if any of them actually understood what I meant, but I think Melana did.

She came after me asking me why I was alway running away. I told her how I felt, that I wasn't acting as I should be toward Emry. She didn't understand that, she thought I was acting exactly how any one would, when someone was dumped to the profit of an other. I told her, that I should have been there as a friend and instead all I did was to bring her misery, that she didn't deserve it, and that I would not do that again. This is some of the reasons why I think it is best that I leave them all, that I keep to my way alone, no one to care about, no one to worry about, no one to be fooled by again. I don't kid myself, I know even Emry plaid me for a fool. Telling me to be myself, but when I am, rebuking me. Flaunting her love for Julius right into my face, knowing it was hurting me. But then being mad at me, when I would react to it.

There is still the matter of the rest of the gift I have already paid for. I will have it delivered to her, I will not be there to see her eyes brighten up when she sees it, it hurts. But I can not do this to her anymore. I can not be hurt each time I see her with him, and then transfer that to him, thus hurting her in return.

I am best alone, to hunt alone. As Folian is the longstrider, and his church is indivualistic in nature, it tells me I should be the same. I will roam the lands alone from now on. Hunt my hunts by myself. If I die in the process so be it, no one will miss me anyhow. After all, I am the "evil" tiefling, the demon.

*He looks up as he sees them come to the fire And hastily scribbles*

Darn, I can not even write my journal alone. Every where I go they either are there, or I stumble on them, or they stumble on me.

*He then closes the book and walks silently away*

[Hellblazer]

Women.... I was joking about making a book on them, on how to understand them.. but really someone is ought to make one.

One can't even apologize for something he feels he's done, without it being flaunt to his face for self pity. Then you can't be nice to an other one, without her thinking you are trying to woo her. And finally, there are those that are just in for the little fun, who then goes around for anything in pants that seems pleasant enough... I could name a few names for the last one.. but I said my piece about it where it was needed, and I just hope the poor lad will wake up and wonder why he was always itching where it shouldn't be.

And now to the bear.. Folian if this is a joke.. I didn't know you had such a twisted sense of humor. It rams me, tries to chew on my butt when ever it wants to. Uses me as a pillow, or tosses me around like a baby toy. And yet it calls itself Balance.. Right.. it's far from being balancing for me. But I do have to admit, it is good to have a listening ear now and then.

I'm starting to feel less morose too, no clue if its because of the bear, or maybe just that time has finally passed enough. But then again..

Colin, you old cook, you owe me five hundred trues.. It's not a rat I got, nope.. It's a psychopath bear.

[Hellblazer]

It is funny how time can change people. While I was listening to Plenarius talk about the betrayal of Eon, Emry took Julius apart and sat far away from me. I knew what that meant. But I noticed when Emry was snuggling Julius, that what used to tare me apart was now only a pull. It also brought me to one conclusion. I am finally moving on. I guess it is good.

One thing for sure though, after our last talk, I will let her make the first move from now on. If she wishes to spend time with me, it will be on her own term. I don't quite hold many hopes that this will be though.

[Hellblazer]

The end of Bloodstone, as told by Plenarius Ashaley. Written by Fehriel Cailomel

So we found ourselves in Arnax ready for the journey to the final battle. There were twenty one of us. Kobal was the last to show up, and he arrived with a key to our mission, or at least we thought it was, still not sure about that. Born by a massive ship was a gigantic dragon skull. I honestly don't know the story behind that, it was something secured by the Ulgrids if I recall correctly, but that is indeed a question for Kobal. It took two dozen stout dwarf to just unload it from the ship, and here we had to trek it across Belinara, or Xantril as we knew it then. Kavil transformed into a mighty golem and his task for the mission was well secured.

So we began the trek northward, through demon, devil, mercenary armies, until we reached that last fort, the one of hope and closed in on Sinthar's domain. It was there we knew we had to begin to make a decision... It was surmised that we may all very well perish for the destruction of a bloodwell wasn't guessed to be a simple event. We also had to defeat Sinthar Bloodstone... as Triba held the Shadow Blade, the key to being able to wound him... It was important that we time this rather well because the defeat of Blood and the destruction of his Bloodpool were considered to be earth shaking events as well. We needed to split our already small group up we figured, but we could not decide yet for sure until we knew the lay out and positioning of his tower, sadly none of us had any blueprints for it and well no one we know had vbeen in there. So we forged on through the mountaints, all the while busy with thoughts on just how to do both our tasks, destroy the bloodwell, and destroy blood...

We were starting to have a very difficult time surviving the onslaught so the possibility of splitting up wasn't a nice one. For days we fought a battle on the bridge to his demon fortress and we barely survived, we were growing truly afraid of splitting up, confronted with this force. Many fell and rose again and fought onward, strands broken, hearts growing heavy, limbs crying for a rest. But we made our way finally to his tower and it came to be that the first room we came across was the room with the Bloodwell. It was like a massive soup bubbling, but instead of bubbles, what formed were outsiders of diabolical strength and nature. It never stopped and we fought and fought and fought, all of us... We knew it would never end until we destroyed it, but we were barely surviving together, if we split up to perform both tasks at the same time, how would we survive? We had no choice after wave after wave erupted, we caught a break it seemed as a brief pause in attacks came, and we took the opportunity to rest a moment and form the groups... One was to find Blood and his pool and destroy them, then signal the other to destroy the bloodwell at relatively the same time. Myself, Connor, Remiel, Michaelis, Reventage, Brac'ar, Triba, Ozymandias, Talan and Lalaith would search the tower for Blood and his pool. Kobal, Lia, Yardislan, Barion, Synal'dur, Daeron, Acacea, Alantha, Dorax and Kavil to fend off the well until the time came to destroy it. So as towers go, finding where the big bad guy is, is pretty easy, opposite of dungeons really. You go to the top.

We shared blessings and protections with the group and hugged, wished well to each other and parted ways, quite unsure of another meeting ever, at least in life. Kavil still held the dragon skull and he wasn't much help in combat bearing something like that, so you can imagine how much of a chellenge that group met. So our plan was to somehow signal, or perhaps they'd know when the bloodpool was destroyed through a trembling and they could destroy the bloodwell... and if by chance one of us failed after a certain time, the other would just perform their task deemed and attempt to perform the other task after the fact. Bit of a fool's hope that.

The group I was with forged through elite guards as we ascended the tower... it was at this point we came across a room with two dragon statues. Reventage had determined they were somehow still alive, but magically encased and Brac'ar, Connor and Ozy had gleaned that a lever in a corner would either kill them or release them. So to be honest, this was a twist we didn't quite expect and in the end we figured the best thing to do was, well, nothing. We didn't want to awaken a couple encased dragons only to be eaten. And we didn't need killing two good dragons on our conscience at the time either if they happened to be good and the lever killed them. I think some of us had silently hoped the defeat of Blood would release them. Anyway we pressed on and finally at the precipice of the tower, Triba caught him first.... "There!" she called loudly. Time stopped, hellballs were set unloose and before we could even think a couple of the group had fallen. He sat with his two most elite guards and they ran at us, my eyes were peeled upon Triba who I knew held the Shadow Blade. Reventage and Remiel flanked Blood as he continued to cast, Michaelis stood in front of him, valinatly swinging. It all happened so fast.... Triba came running, screaming 'Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh' and in a great gowl and crack she pierced his spint with the blade. He fell to his knees and arrows began to pierce him, swords impaled and in only a moment he fell, but not before his last spell had killed Triba. We all expected a huge explosion but nothing, he died as many of us do, a quiet ending. We raised the fallen and recuperated slighlty, we still had to destroy the bloodpool and from past experiences we knew that this certainly causes a bit of a reaction. Yes we had destroyed bloodpools before. Toss a vial of liquid in to it, seemed to do the trick. So after recuperating and us believing it was the proper next course of action, she hurled the vial into the bloodpool... and that's when the pillars began to shake.

The ground trembled and the walls began cracking. It was time to get out of there, we fled, we were't sure how the others had done, but we would soon find out. As we ran our way back, we saw those stone dragon statues crumbling upon the shaking of the tower, they became dust and I've always wondered what could have happened there. We finally turned the corner and caught a glimpse of the other group, all still alive gratefully I quickly did a count, but there was no skull... then it hit us. The earth trembled again and all the world seemed to be sucked up in an an instant, I gazed across to the other for what felt like one last time, in my sights was Lalaith, between the two groups, she disappeared a second before we felt it. We were pulled for what seemed like forever to our death, magically imploded upon the death of a bloodwell. Our last dying breath was being inhaled... But something happened... Shadows surrounded us and pulled us into a void of darkness as we seemed to look upon Layonara from without... the explosion growing. The mountain in our mind;s eye disintegrated, a great black valley was left, as we watched it grow for miles and miles long and deep, total complete ruination and chaos. The dust rose higher in the sky and it began to circle the globe. Like a massive volcano... it was then that the sun would not shine for a long while. And as quickly as it all began, the shadow released us back where we started. Lalaith had summoned the aid of the Lumbral, who owed us a small debt for being released from Blood's bounds... and they came through. The question I wonder, was it there massive power to release us and save us what caused the catastrophic explosiion or was it the destruction of the bloodwell.

So there ye have it....

[Hellblazer]

The tale of Eon betrayal, as told by Plenarius Ashaley. Written by Fehriel Cailomel.

So if you will all get comfortable again, I'll tell you all about a story of friendship, determination, adventuing, bloodpools, love and sadly betrayal.

About a thousand years ago, Katia, my beloved Goddess, much like many of us, walked these lands, exploring, making new friends, learning to harness the power of nature to aid her as a young druidess. She spent a lot of her time with her three closest friends. One of them was a weapon master who even to this day leaves a great legacy, moored in secrecy, his name was Karrak and many past and future weapon masters seek out his story. Another was a quiet and resourceful halfling by the name of Akbar, he was there for them in a punch and seemed to have a knack in helping them get out of all sorts of jams, mechanical or social. The last was a budding wizard, very intelligent and already a master of some advanced attunement to the Al'Noth, his name was Eon. They were very much friend as many of us are here, exploring, adventuring, learning from each other - they soon found themselves undertaking a massive task.

Since the great cataclysm, Berlinara as we know it now was a vast wasteland of dirt and ash, the soil was terrible and life was vacant. Our fearless friends set out to pioneer the northern stretches. Tasked specifically with the renewal of nature's cycle, they forged through the wastelands until they came upon what we now know as the Kuhl forest. At the time though it was a graveyard of ill, but together, they made the soil arable, they planted thousands of seeds, and when the time was right, they helped relocate wildlife to the now budding forest. The friends were having a great time, they practiced their skills agains various enemies and enjoyed many nights of tales and dreams... but Katia's sights were bigger, she had a grand plan she soon unveiled to her friends. As they stood upon the emergence of the Kuhl forest, she told them of her greatest legacy she wished, the largest forest in Layonara, a vast tribute to nature in one of the deadest areas known. She outlined her plans for a great forest, the great forest, almost 1/5th the sieze of the continent, stretching from Mount Thil north from coast to coast. The friends were eager to help her, for each of them were once aided by Katia, but moreso just to be together and share in her triumph as friends do.

So it came to be that they stood under the shadows of Mount Thil, looking northward upon a barrent roughlands, a task of years, they would renew life to Belinara and tribute nature to balance, the cycle of life on Layonara. A month or two had passed, they only just begun really, and things were going well, well at least with most of them. Soon, boredom and relentless physical labour was eating at one of our friends, Eon. Soon he would disappear for day, claiming to do some advance planing or strategic engineering or something like that. The others didn't think too much of it as Eon had always been a bit of an introvert, usually caught with his nose in a book in some quiet corner of his dungeon in Thorn River. But soon the daily disappearances turned into a few days, then a week, and each time he'd return, he had a bit more of a snappy attitude, not so welcomeing of friendship or conversation. To the group it seemed something else was biting at Eon, something more then resentment over continued physical labour. So three or four months into their efforts, with about fifteen percent of the work done, Eon failed to return for weeks.

It was a sad time for the others wondering if it was them. Katia was particularly upset, she thought she pushed him away... They soon figured they would not see him again for a long while, if ever again. A few more weeks had passed and Karrak and Katia were close to dozing off under the stars, the work of the day was taxing and though they'd not admit it, soon they didn't think of Eon much any more. As they drifted off under the moonbathe of almost dual fulls, Katia, in the fraction of time between conciousness and sleep, inhaled a scent that startled her to wake. Smoke! Her first instinct was to douse the campfire, but Karrak had already done so, then to her shock she gazed south... her jaw dropped. For miles in each direction, a wall of fire was racing for them, eating everything in their path, all the saplings, the plants, the flowers, the wildlife was running towards them, some unable to keep up with the pace of the fire advancing.... blown unnatrually by the swiftest of gusts. Like a chario of horses leading an emperor of some forgotten kingdom, floating at the center of this wave of fire was a diabolical figure cackling so loud it drowned the ravaging sound of flame. Katia quickly awoke Akbar and Karrak, they had camped near Skald Lake fortunately, for it would end up saving their lives, the treaded into the center, her two friends afloat upon her arms and they stood in utter shock. All of their efforts gone to waste... the fire worked itself around the lake and soon found itself unable to continue with the lack of new life to the north... the dirt ended the site, only saved by the fact that gthe group had yet to forge so far.

Tears of anger and sadness disappeared into the lake as Katia stared, then in a puff of red smoke a figure appeared to the south. Calling out over the waters he stood conent. "The is no power in nature!" he cried defiantly. Katia was enraged, how could he, her friend... was this the Eon she really knew... Eon continued "The great lord Sinthar Bloodstone has rewarded me, beyong anything I can dream of, control of the Al'Noth beyonf any of your imagination. This is the true Eon!" and he laughed a diabolical laugh once more. And when he did, a skull formed where his face was, for the power of immortality, the undead 'gift' was bestowed upon him.

Eon was now a slave to Blood and to undeath. He turned his back as the friends continued to wade in shock, rage and depression. He then disappeared among the smoke, and as the ash coals crackled on the ground, Katia closed her eyes and looked into the heavens. In the darkest hour, their hope was alive, they would not give up their hopes, they were driven with rage, with a newly formed and stronger bond and decided they would rebuild once more and work tirelessly to renew that which was taken away. Eon, it was later learned was offered allt he power of a bloodpool in exchange to be Blood's general, and to show his allegiances, that was his task. Eon would never again see them, well as mortals at least, as one of Blood's generals, Eon's tasks were now greater and his allegiance confirmed he focussed on whatever horrors they planned out. Katia and her friends did end up completing their task, as you all k now, the great forest is indeed massive in scale. They even had a little help on the way, a man whom Katia had saved offered his assistance too. This man she saved, she sound found herself in love with, but it was later discovered that he was no ordinary man though... Only taken form as a human but in reality was someone many of you have heard of. A dragon God by the name of Rofirein yes.

And well that's Eon's betrayal...

Power corrupts as is oft spoken... to almos tno end

[Hellblazer]

Things are moving along. The bear is still trying to kill me it seems, or at least trying to make me learn balance the hardest possible way. Shrowd may have found someone, which is a good thing and I am happy for her. She is feisty. Played a little joke on her and got an alchemist fire for the taking. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong Idea though. She is a nice person, a good friend. But it would never be more.

I've been spending time with Aizaionna a bit more lately, had not seen her in a long while. We have agreed to train together after I've told her of what I have come to learn. A war is coming to mistone. As a ranger and protector of the lands.. I have no choice to fight. It may be my doom, or it may be what brings me balance who knows. But I will stand against those drags, those dragons and those mindless soldiers.

Mel has a rather good sense of humor too, she should show it more often. A very good fighter too. The training trips we have made against the Giants lately has went surprisingly well. Azaionna might not approve much so I don't speak of it much, although she knows that they are my worst foes, I hate them like most rangers do. I can't phantom how some of us think them to be some old forest caretaker.

Well I got more meditating to do.. the bear is looking at me.. strangely if I don't do it every day.

[Hellblazer]

No promises from either part, just the time to find each others balance. One can't run before he tries to walk. And so, as we will walk through life, learning and growing, we will see if down the road the feelings grows. Helping each other where we can, in finding our own center. Taking true time as elf usually do. It could take decades or not, only time will tell. But as elves go, they usually take a very long time before growing into something. If they grow into it at all.

"It's a good thing for you that druid found you! Now you are wise beyond your race!"

That made me laugh, but it is a testament to what Seelan tried to teach me before she passed to the great hunt.

To say it all started with a simple, unexpected kiss or hers. And then well, both of us being mixed up. Her about my reaction, and me about her calling that elf, my wolf. She didn't know that wolves were actually packs, living, hunting and sharing their daily lives together. Females helping each other with the cubs, who ever the mother is, but even more so if it is the alpha's cubs. and the whole pack going on the daily hunts, taking turn to watch over the cubs as the others hunts.

Wolves are an intricate society, that people are too afraid, because of the wolves nature, to spend the time studying them. And in such the popular belief that wolves are loners was born. Those that are loners, are those that were cast away because they either failed to take dominance against the alpha's, or because they were sick, or unable to function as part of the pack, there for putting the balance of the pack at risk. None the less when I explained to her what his nick name meant, as wolves mates for life and me thinking they were together. She was stunned and hastened to explain the situation.

She was really happy I took her to North point, showing her the temple of Aeridin there. She said that the most she had seen where the shrines, but not the actual temples. I wonder if she ever visited the one on Voltrex. Might be the next place I show her. She took her time, walking slowly in the temple. Looking at the statues, reading the inscriptions, talking to the priest there. Like a small children opening her birthday gifts. But not quite a child, she was calm, serene and posed. Although you could see how excited she was by how her eyes glittered. It's a bit a shame I was left perplexed at the time, about the wolf nickname of that elf. Maybe I should have spoke before we entered, so we could clear that up, and thus enjoying the visit myself. But I doubt it will be the last time I will accompany her there.

Maybe I could ask her to visit the hidden temple of Folian with me some day. Seeing as both our faith have some similar thoughts on some matters, she might enjoy coming to visit it with me.

Right now though, we took shelter into the adventurer shelter as the night fell and she was getting colder and tired. She is resting in reverie now and she looks so calm, the glimmer of the fire gently dancing and illuminating her.

**below is a sketching of the young elf in reverie*

[Hellblazer]

To apologize and then be insulted? Really who does she think she is? She can keep her darn mutt pet and anger to herself. I have better things to do, and training myself into mastering my blade is a priority, not to mention training with Azaionna so we can be ready for the war is the other one. At least she didn't past judgment on me for how Mrs hot head reacted. She listened and understood it was only a joke that went awry. Even if we have not promised anything to each other, I wanted to be sure that she saw both side of the story before making any judgment.

Frankly who do they think they all are? thinking they know what I am expecting, thinking or even feeling? They can all go eat some jumping cow dung, I have little to no more patience for them.

Although I'm happy she has found what she wanted, it did sting me a bit when I found out she was pregnant. So fast for elves.. so fast. As if the world was coming to an end and they both wanted to go to the afterlife not being vestals. Oh well it's their life, they can do what they want with it. I'm just tired of them thinking they know my moods and why I am with them, when they are absolutely not aware. I am happy for her, I just don't agree on how fast all of that went.

Kyle sent me a letter, we will be starting the intensive training soon. I hope not to disappoint him.

[Hellblazer]

*The sounds of swords clashing fills the Vehl arena as Kyle and Fehriel spar. The younger man's strikes are quick but lack focus as Kyle is able to parry them. One of Fehreil's attacks was parried and the weapon is knocked away. Kyle puts up a hand to stop. Fehriel then stands down on a knee to take his two bladed sword, a low growl escaping his lips.*


I'm sorry master, I find it hard to concentrate on my posture and attacks all at once. in the wild.. I don't think, I act and react by instict.. Here.. it is different, not only that but I don't want to hurt you either, so that weight on my mind.


*He get's back up and places himself into a defensive stance after twirling his blade around him.*

[Hellblazer]

I finally know why Ayana left the meeting in such a hurry. A promise she made to a man, not to be near his ex.. the same man she professed her love too, but he did not return the feelings.. or .. well... from how she is hurt, he may be running around with an other woman. She is a great woman, and if my gut feeling is right.. the man's a bloke. I'm sure if she opens up.. loosens up.. she will eventually find the right person for her.

Haven't seen Azaionna in a while now.. seems this is just how things are for me. They all seems to disappear. Oh well.. I'm sure she'll turn up eventually, probably just gone training on her own a bit. At least.. I hope.

Ever since that.. that time finding that stupid jewel crafter Damion, my dreams have worsen up... now I not only dreams of bloodshed, strange runes, wars, destruction.. but I now dream about undead running rampant. It is severe too, I never had any fear about them but down in that crypt with the hunting war party.. I just froze.. I couldn't breath.. nervousness wrecked me, uneasy at the feeling of evil emanating from that place.. they said it was necromancy.. even the word makes my spine freeze. I have to find a way to gain control of this.. or all my training will be for naught.. and it may put Azaionna life in danger.. or any one else with me, if I freeze like that again.

I got to train harder.. my mind, my sword.. everything.. I got to master my swords, who and what I am too. Kyle said it is all a matter of balance, between strength, dexterity, intelligence and patience. I'm sure there is more to it. He seems very peaceful and in control of himself.. I need to find that myself. To be calm facing an incoming storm, flexible like a weed in the most horrifying winds. Swift and powerful like the wolf lunging at the neck of a deer. That is what I have to become... At least now that I train and meditate everyday, Filcillnya has not tried to chew me up to much.

[Hellblazer]

I have spent a lot more time training in the arena since our last lesson, and all I can say is that dumies are worthless. They don't hit back, they don't move and I barely have to move to make my hits. I don't see why they are any good to me, sure it's easy to hit the exact same place with an unmoving target, but that is not real life. But it is what Kyle wants, so I'm doing it. I have also spent a lot more time meditating, trying to find inner balance and patience, I think it is progressing.. but it is hard to say.

Azai and I have help a farmer on Alindor lately, he had a problem with the scarecrows there. God I hate those, they made me run like a scared school girl around the area. Azai fell for it too though, so well. eh at least it fits her gender *chuckles slightly*. After that though, I was really badly injured and I could see and feel that she was really worried about me. I guess she is getting attached slowly. I'm glad, if she does. we camped outside of the farm, watching both moons and talking a bit. At one point, I moved a stray luck of hair from her forhead and she leaned in when I did. For a moment there, the moons lighting softly glowed on her in a way that was making her look like an angel, and I just kept looking in her eyes a bit more. That's when I noticed that she was biting her lower lips.. I figured it was a bit in anticipation for what came. I kissed her, under the beautiful moons, but unlike the time she kissed me, this one was short as she moved away rapidly and went to ruffle my hair.

After reflection and remembering what she said in north fort. I think that she wants to keep control on the speed of things, not to get attached too quickly. We both have things that we want to do, and I think getting to seriously into a relationship would be like tying thigns down, for her. Can't blame her there. We get along well, we have many of the same views and well ... I know we appreciate each others a lot. more than good friends that is for sure. Well see where the path leads, take our time, and if or when things moves further, they will. I'm in no hurry.

Oh yeah.. I laughed so hard about this and still do. As we were going to the farm, I was teasing her a bit about talking to Kyle about her. At the end, she said that she may be interested in training with us. I joked that I had no chance if I had to fight both of them, which she laughed. But isntead she went and joked about using her feminine assets to distract him while I went behind him and took him down. I don't know if that would work, but eh.. if it means being able to hit him at least once before the next 200 years, then it may be worth the try.

[Hellblazer]

Yet again an other training days hitting those stupid dummies. I'm sure I must have been looking as the most bored tiefling ever. Hitting.. Hitting.. Hitting... Same place.. Same place... No action, no reaction no nothing. Finally Kyle finally arrived and stared at me a moment hitting.. hitting.. hitting.. same place.. same place.. same place.. After a while I just asked him the point into hitting those darn nonliving.. smelliness.. things. He just looked at me a little bit more and then moved to the center of the arena. I shrugged as he just didn't answer, figuring it was the Master knows best type of thing I have seen in the past with other teachers teaching their pupiles.

For the next two hours we were just exchanging hits and blocks moving around the arena floor.. If Azai was there this day, I'm sure she would have laughed a bit.. probably looked like we were dancing around. But at least.. now I had to move, now I had to esquive and think about my positioning, my defense, my attacks strategies. Finally after the two hours we moved out of the arena center back toward the dummies and he stopped to talk to me, forcing me to turn around to look at him. He starts to talk about how it was a good session this time, that my hits were still a bit wild and then out of no where he looks passed me, his composed face suddenly changing to fear and he yells out

'' ...OH GODS LOOK OUT!!!!''

I didn't even think, I just reacted spun arround twirling my blade over my head and coming down in the usual slashing motion he had me trained for the last few months, to my surprised there was only a dummy there receiving the same and perfectly practiced hit. I looked at the dummy a bit stunned for a moment, not about the fact I had hit it yet again exactly the same way, but that my reaction was just swift and without thoughts and exactly, perfectly, precise same way I had practiced it again and again. The bugger just smiled slightly and said

"Any more questions?"

He smirked after that while I was looking at him sideways, squinting my eyes.. my question obviously answered.

I talked to him about Azai joining our training sessions. He said he would think about it and give me a decisive answer shortly. But for now, he gave me a new attack to train on.. again on the dummies.. told me to practice it for the next few weeks. I obviously waited for him to leave before my head dropped, but then I started to practice it.. Hitting.. Hitting... Hitting... Same place.. Same place.. Same place.. but at least a new attack motion.

[Hellblazer]

I'm mixed up..

Azaionna and I went to make an other trip of the dragon isles with Ni and Myrena this time. All went well at first, but as we were going to the satyrs and through them, they started to get organized. And at the second group there were now to much for us. Azai fell first i think, and then Myrena.. and finally me. Ni had went invisible escaping. It is apparently a mute lady that raised us before taking of in the sky. what was she? human? or something more...

After we rested we went to continue our expedition and unfortunatly stumbled on more satyres out of their usual territory. The leader one even went as to kidnapped Azai. But once she was back they even stopped us from going further and cleansing the wearebeast dungeon.

I was inferuated, all the time they had her captive, I was ready to shoot them down, to hunt them down to extinction.. I even tried to climb the cliff when they took her away from my sight, but I felt powerless as I couldn't get over the top. I swear... I will not be so powerless for much longer.

As we reached caisin.. I felt her distant.. and it.. puzzle me. She tried to reassure me, I think, that she was alright.. but what she said about having to rethink a lot of things.. left a chill on my spine.

[Hellblazer]

Big arse Moles, a farmer I would gladly bury in his own field up to his neck, a poor farmer that had his house destroyed because of us, and one retired musician with roaming hand and silver tongue making eyes to Azai.... really took a lot out of me, not to just go around splitting heads, but to keep trying and help.. Seelan.. I hope you didn't turn to much in your grave today.. cause I tried.. I tried my darn best.. Gave it all I had.. up to getting a splitting headache..

I'll keep to my promise and see if Kyle can help me with the wooden planks Joe the farmer needs for his house. I don't make promises often.. but when I do.. I try to keep them always.

I wish some people would look in the mirror before judging me.. sure I have red eyes.. scary for some.. laughable for others.. sure I have the attitude of a farting ox.. when I'm not in a good mood, or there is too many people around. But heck.. I'm not a slabbing, drooling, half orc.. I don't have horns that comes out of my forehead like some others of my kind.. or fangs that would make people cover their neck fearing I would bite them. I'm plain.. I do have to work on my attitude maybe.. a little.. but frankly.. if the one I care about doesn't care about it.. or at least didn't mention it yet.. then why should I?

I'm so tired of those square heads thinking they are better than any one.. I'm not a blood thirsty savage, because I go and quell the numbers of giants down, to make sure vale is not over run, or that the local wild life doesn't disappear because there would be too many giants and not enough food. Which would lead them to raid the villages and towns of the area for food. There is a reason in why I hunt them, and a reason I hunt them with intelligence and not to the brink of extinction. yes I hate them.. like most rangers.. but does it mean I will exterminate their race? nope. I just wish some people would actually think before talking, thinking they know how I think or what I think.


* Closes his journal and sets it back in his pack then goes back to bash the dummy, trying to regain focus.. but stops after a moment leaning on his two bladed sword. He takes his journal out again.*

I got to think of somewhere else to bring Azai.. if she is still interested.. also got to see with Tabris when he will make that party.. I'd still like to go there with her. Looking on my notes, I just realized it has been over a year since we have started to somewhat see each other.. time flies.. time flies.. I got to get her something special and.. do something special.

*Puts it back again in his pack and resume training until his arms are completely numbed.*

[Hellblazer]

Sitting out of hempstead, reflecting on what just happened on one of my regular tour. A bit pale might I add. I think it's important I write down my thoughts about balance.

When one lives in balance with nature, he is no burden to her. She provides more than he needs, and he never goes hungry. He never lacks shelter. He never misses the bird songs in the days and nights, for those nightly birds. But when one becomes unbalanced with nature, he takes more than she can provide, the trees don't shelter him anymore and the lands become barren because he chases the animals away out of hunger.

Some people think that nature always balance herself in the long run. While it may be true, the problem with that is that it could take millennias for her to do so, and in the mean while many species can disappear because of that. Those consequences are undesirable. If one of the species that sits over a fast growing species disappears from the food chain.. let's say that spiders were to be completely eradicated from the forest of falls. The beetle bugs there would have lost they natural predators. With nothing to keep their population in check they would outgrow their food source and would then expand their territories to find food. It's what I call rural migration. Moving closer to the dwellings of the walkers and causing havoc. Which then results in the walkers to take drastic measure to quell the problem when they were the cause in the first place.

Yes, I know.. this wouldn't be popular ideas if I spoke them out loud. But the biggest problem in nature, isn't the animals.. it's those living beings that have thought patterns that exceed simple instincts. The biggest one are the walkers.. not even the Giants themselves or minotaurs although they can become problematic too, but us. If we were to only take what we needed from nature to subsist and live in balance with her, we wouldn't be the problem. But our constant need for more, for luxuries, and our incapacity to control our birth rates, makes us the worst thing that has ever happened to nature. By our growth, we have exceeded what hunting and fishing could bring us and so we developed farming. With that ability to renew our food stocks each two seasons, spring and falls, we have become sedentary. And with that came the towns to fill the needs to shelter ourselves. But as the towns grew bigger due to an ever increasing population, so did our walls grew further apart, and more farms needed to be built to keep on feeding the mouths. That meant that we had to expand and most often, that came to the price of clearing forests for the wood needed to build and the clearing for the farms. Pushing further and further the food supplies of the animals, we started to unbalance the food chain and the walkers then became part of the food chain, even more than they were before. And because of that, wild life has started to become a nuisance to those unable to understand balance. But once even us, had reached a peak of what an area could provide to us, we started to migrate and build outpost.. and villages, which then became towns. That's what I call colonization.

It's important for us, that swore to protect nature, to try and maintain that balance, wither it be for the walkers or for the animals. Because of the Conscienceless of some, nature can become unbalanced and one specie of animal can then outgrow what she can provide for them. In those time it becomes imperative that we act to re-balance what some have unbalanced. It is sometime a dirty job, and sometime other will judge you for it because they don't understand, or think that you do things for the pleasure of a hunt. Well, I can't deny that there isn't a satisfaction in a hunt well done, or at the blood flow in my veins when I track my prey. But there is a need for each hunt I make, wither it be to subsist or to bring balance. One should never go out and kill senselessly just for the pleasure of killing.

When two species fights for food suplies, it is the one that adapts better that survives. The one that will eventually outgrow the other in numbers. But eventually, that same expansion rate will be their downfall. That is partly what is happening in the fog forest I think. With Vale and the giants fighting for the same food sources, there is unavoidable clashes. And being that the Giants seems to be able to reproduce in greater number than the little colony, raids are often seen. Being that those that protects themselves have better defenses, the Giants are mostly kept at bay. Some may call it balance, but it is an artificial balance that is unbenificial to nature. To growing population fighting for the same food source, will inexorably render the forest unable to sustain both. And while one can actually replenish their main supplies by trade and farming, the other cannot. And the unavoidable exodus of some of the giants brings them further away from the forest and closer to the others walkers dwelling. And so the vicious circle begins again. And some of us are forced to try and bring balance to what our own kind have unbalanced. Would it be seen moral to hunt our own kind, I am sure we would see it more often than not, and we do see it. We see it in the wars between races, between factions, between kingdoms. But most of those wars are not for needs, or about survival.. they are about greed.

What is the most funny thing about all of this, is that what is found in nature can also be found within ourselves. When someone fuels hatred, it grows until it is uncontrollable. Seeping away at the inner strength of one to keep himself balance, and consumes all that there is in that person. Only leaving a shell full of dark thoughts, emotions and rage. That's why I also think, that to be in balance in nature.. one also have to be in balance within himself. Without inner balance, we are not better than those Giants, dragons, or undeads.

When the long strider said to give more than you take, I am sure he didn't only mean to plant more trees than you cut, to feed the animals more than what you hunt them to feed yourself. But I am convinced he meant to find your own balance, so that you could live in balance within nature, so that you could never run out of life.

[Hellblazer]

I had an other training day today with Kyle. As usual, I was the mopped that was used to clean the floor, but at least today I was able to hit him back more than a few times. He said my training was starting to pay out as he showed me the bruises I had left on him. He want's me to train a new attack which is called whirlwind attack. I tried it a few times right there in front of him and fell two out of the tree time on the floor. The third time I barely manage not to fall but I wasn't able to make the attack properly. It will take more practice I guess.



After the training was done we went to meditate, as we usually do for a couple of hours in each of our training session.



He started by guiding me through the meditation with a slow and relaxing voice. "Close your eyes...and clear your mind... Concentrate only on the sound of the stream. Just you and the stream. Let all be at peace within you."

I was totally relaxed, and I could feel the usual combats within me vanish. All I could hear was him, the water of the stream and the nature around me in harmony.

"Let the peace wash over you like the stream. Feel it begin inside you...in your center... And feel it begin to move from your center to your arms....to your legs....till it is all around you. This is your Ki...your inner energy... It is what we draw on...can be peaceful...but it is also powerful...like the stream. Deep breath and open your eyes..."

I can't say I actually felt something there, it's not like I was feeling a power or a tingling sensation coursing through my body, but I kept meditating and concentrating on what he was telling me to do. At the same time though, I did feel a warmth coursing through me at one point. As if someone had enveloped me in a warm blanket. I wonder if this is what he was referring to as Ki. After a while he asked me how I was feeling and truth be told. I was more at peace than ever. Like the times Bellethiel went in reverie on my laps and I was able to find sleep without nightmares.. To think of it, it happened once with Azai too.

I had to ask him what could be done with the ki, I must have sounded like a dumb weed or something. But how am I supposed to learn if I don't ask question to better understand. He answered me

"As I said...it can be a peaceful thing...but powerful... When you learn how to channel your Ki...it can be a powerful force. Like the stream..."

To which I understood that you can use that Ki, channeled into your arms and weapon and I asked him if I was right. And he answered me in his cryptic ways again. "It can be flowing peacefull like now...or be a rushing torrent other times. Yes... Then your Ki becomes a rushing torrent...powerful... Your chosen wepon...is the conduit for that power"

I can understand why this is something that need lots of training and inner peace, and he agreed with me on that. Someone that is fueled with hate would ultimately use this in the wrong way and would become someone extremely dangerous. With that I agreed to meditate even more and try to feel the Ki energy within me. I will also try to channel it to my arms and legs as he was guiding me through when I was meditating. As he was leaving he made a small joke about padding the floor when I was training the whirlwind attack and he laughed a bit while I smiled. He then wished me for Ilsare to guide my heart and bring me piece. I kinda let out a "well what better than a monk to bring peace to it" He grinned as he walked away, And I made my way to try and find that little elf monk that brings me peace.

[Hellblazer]

I have been traveling and putting into practice all that I have learned with Kyle, for the past few months. Wither it be alone, with a group or with Azai. I must confess that I am feeling sore though.. the floor is not a nice dancing partner, when you keep falling on it, practicing the whirlwind attack. But there is time where I come close to finish the move, maybe it's just luck though.

Speaking of Azai, the elf perplexes me, in a good way. She says she doesn't want things to be too serious.. I feel a yet with that. But at the same time, she is more than teasing me and me her. For the last couple of time that we have stopped into towns on our travels, we have been sharing the same room. I even gave her massages a few time, when she was feeling numbed from our combats routine. There is still some privacy that we leave each others though, she is a lady after all. But I have to confess that it is pleasant to share my nights with her, albeit that it is just that, sharing ones arms and warmth. When I thought that Bellethiel was the only one that was able to make my nightmares go away at night, I was partly right. There is time, when the moment are just rights with Azai, that my nightmares leaves me alone. Other times though, when there is uncertainty on either of our parts, the nightmares comes as usual. I know it worries her some, from the reaction she had in the silkwood spider cave, when I woke up in a rush from one of the nightmares. I say that as if there were many different kinds, but it is always the same reoccurring one, night after night.

One thing I have noticed though, is that my meditation does help me a lot. They are worse when I have not meditated that day. Speaking of which, I have yet to feel anything else than some slight heat moving from my chest to my arms and legs when I concentrate on my Ki. I still wonder if that is the Ki, or just.. I don't know.. My mind playing tricks on me.

I wonder what has ever happened to Bellethiel, she has never sent me any word, nor has anyone ever reported seeing her alive or dead.. I wish her to be in good health though. It is a bit sad that she disappeared that way, things could have been great. But I do not feel slighted or guilty that my heart has moved on. I always wondered what I would do if she came back, truth be told I still do. But it would take more than her just showing up for me to just leave everything in the air with Azai and go back like a sick puppy to her. At this point, I don't think I could give any her more than friendship. That is a chapter that is closed, a new one has been open and written on for some time now, and I am happy with that.

[Hellblazer]

The training with Kyle has been grueling, intense, bruising, exhausting, but so rewarding. I know I have gotten better with my weapon.. with myself. I don't pretend to be a master yet, but I have stopped feeling the weapon at all now. When I swing, it is not as if I was swinging a piece of wood and metal, but I feel through it. When it touches it is like if it was my own hand punching. I have trained so many new stances, so many new attacks, to a point where I don't have to think about them anymore that it has improved greatly my ability to do my duties as a ranger. I have also been able to developed the ability to better position myself on the battle field, to move around the preys without them being able to take advantage with their attacks. I think it is one step closer to what I am seeking to become. I have yet to master the whirlwind attack that Kyle wants me to master. I still feel soar from my last training session for that one. He did say to pad the floor, but no.. I have to learn the heard way. Colin always said I was always pushing myself too hard. Well... it is bearing it's fruit. At least I fall less and less when I train for it now. My meditation has also helped me a lot to stay focused on what is important within me and around me. I still feel torn and at war in myself though, and my dreams has never stopped getting worse. But that is something that I am dealing with better now. I guess that even if I will never stop having them, being able to control myself and my emotions will help me in the long run. Filcillnya is still using me as a chew toy but something just happened today that seems different. I'll come back to it later.

Azaionna never stops amazing me. She knows of my temper and my inner struggles, and even though sometimes I know she doesn't like it, she doesn't judge me for them. She knows I am trying to better myself, and to better control them through meditation and training. She also knows that we might not always be exactly thinking the same ways on things, and yet.. with all of that, she still accepts me for who I am and accepts my presence by her side. We have been getting much more closer over the year... no almost two years now. I don't know where this will lead us, but I have a feeling that we wont regret it. For once I am no scared to be myself around someone.

We have embarked on a long trip. I had written her a letter asking her if she would like to visit the main temple of Aeridin with me. I know she had not went and I thought it would be something she would like. But in the letter I sent her, there was a choice for her to make. Either that temple or the hidden temple of Folian. She sent me back the letter asking me why to choose one over the other and that she would prefer even more to visit both temples. And so we started with the temple of Aeridin.

The boat trip was long, and fastidious. Taxing on me is more the word as I was sick all through the ride. I hate boats.. and I think they hate me too. But she was by my side with me all the time and I wouldn't exchange that for anything. I'm sure I wasn't much of a good company at night though, with being sick all the time and her helping me through it. But she didn't seem to mind. Once we arrived on Voltrex though, things turned from bad to worse for a time. They held us for while questioning us, searching us. I hated the whole process and more than once I saw myself just ripping one of them in half, but I wasn't there for me, I was there for Azai, so I bared with it. As they let us off the boats though.. things got even worse. Azai had a hard time even getting of the boat. I don't think she realized where we were going, and I surely didn't know that Voltrex were was her sister hood order was. She looked as if she saw a ghost town, when she sat foot on the docks, and then she started to cry. My heart broke right there, I had caused her pain and sorrows. I was mad with myself for that, but that was for later. I held her as she cried and explained to me why she didn't think she would be back so soon, with what she had done in he past. I tried my best to quell her sorrow, and after some time she did stop to cry. After asking her if she wanted to go back, she said no, that I had endured the boat trip and being sick and all for her, and for that she was going to bare through the rest and go to the temple.

We walked through the town, slowly, at first she was clingning on my hand as if her life depended on it. Looking around at the people that were looking at us... at me.... I swear I saw a few elves hide their children behind them when they saw me. Looking at me as if I was a demon. But I was walking with the one that truly mattered, and what ever they could think, was just sliding down over me like water on a duck's feathers. We finally arrived at the temple, and I slowly guided her around it so she could take all the sight. After we had reached the door, I looked at her and asked if she was ready, which she nodded. I opened the door for her, and after she took a deep breath, she walked in resolutely.

The interior was even more luxurious than the one of north point. It was also bigger I think. We took our time to look at the painting and architecture. She also took the time to talk to a few of the clerics and monks there. And after a moment, she walked up to the alter where she knelled in front of it and started to pray. I sneaked up a little behind her silently, not disturbing her I heard about her prayer. Asking forgiveness for what she had done in her past. Then I walked back down, leaning on one of the pillar I waited. An hour or so passed and she got up and walked down looking at peace with herself, as if a weight had been taken off of her shoulders, more serene. We headed out of the temple and talked a bit, I was happy for her and she surprised me with a simple answer to me saying that I was merely the guide.

"More than that"

She then tugged at a lock of hair and added

"I fear I am getting attached to you."

The kissed we shared after that was filled in meaning and time. I was lost in it as I was in our first kiss. Before embarking on the boat to go back we stopped at a shrine, where Azai thought it was one to Lucinda. It was nice to look at her as she stood close to it, examining her. The ambient light made her look like an angel.



We then made our way to our second destination, boating back to Lor. This time the trip had been slightly gentler on me, but even then she took great care with my well being. Beside Seelan and Colin, I have never known of anyone who had such care of me, that didn't vanished in thin air. And with her, I do not feel this is something that is likely to happen, which makes my heart lighter but also puzzles me a little. Could it be that I have found someone that is willing to look completely passed race and background. To look simply to the person and the joy that person can bring?

It was a longer trip to find the hidden temple of Folian. We had to head to vale first and from there we spent at least a day trying to find the secret passage to Folian's forest. When we finally found it we took our time, exploring and spending time with the animals there, sharing a bit more of our selves with each other too.. at least until an other elf stumbled on us. Jade was her name. It is a bit shameful to say that I was lost in that forest, not being able to find the passage to the tree top. What a ranger I make... But luckily Jade was a follower of Folian and she knew the way and guided us to the hidden temple.

We talked a bit as we arrived and the next part is a bit surreal. Not long ago I found a note about the Vakhar in one of the Folian's shrines. Naturally I left a message stating I wanted to know more, as the note said something about protecting and tending to nature. This Jade is part of the Vakhar, a group that seems has been dormant for too long. She was asking me and Azai lots of question of what we would do if we were part of the group and what would be our goal. It seems with peaked some interests from her as she said there was many things she had to think. Truly it felt almost as if she was questioning us to see if we would fit. It would be an honor for me to join such a group and be able to join forces with other like minded people, to protect and tend to Nature.

After she left, me and Azai were still sitting at the temple, my arms wraparound her, as we kept talking about many things. It was probably one of the first time I was totally at peace with myself, awake. And even Filcillnya seemed to noticed as it didn't try to chew me, sit on me or even throw me around. It contented itself to lay beside me and Azai. I don't know how long we staid there just talking, but what I know next still surprises me. I had talked to Tabris about renting or hopefully getting free boarding at his new house, and thought for a little while after talking to him, about inviting Azai to live there with me. I stuttered, blushed, scratched my head as I tried to work over the strength to ask her. I knew that she didn't want to feel tied down, and this could certainly make her feel that way. But when I finally managed to speak the words, she met me with a kiss as an answer, following with a you better have a big bed and not snore. The later she already knows but I joked slightly about getting a small bed to be closer, and of course getting her elbows on my nugget again as she sleeps. She blushed at that, and I kept teasing her a bit. But the best part is that she didn't feel threaten by the idea, we both understand that we would be going in and out of that place on a regular basis. But the important part is that she said yes. I just have to finalize the things with Tabris and get the room set up.

And to say that at one point, I was ready to just sacrifice myself to Fisterion, although it would have served a purpose, I think it was also driven by grief. But if he had chosen to take me on my word, never would I have seen Azai again, and .. none of this would have happened. She's in reverie now, resting on my lap as I write this entry to my journal. This place.. and her.. I feel so content. I never thought that I could feel it this profoundly.

I think I will rest a little bit with her. So many things we shared.. so much more to share. I look forward to see where the path takes us from here on now.

[Hellblazer]

Kyle has started to show me the application of his ki. As I came into the arena the other day I saw him in the middle with one of the dummy he had moved. And there he was slicing the dummy with ease and fluidity that surprises me every time. In the final moment though he pierced the dummy with a powerful shout that made the dummy explode in tiny pieces of cotton and wood shards. He sheathed his katana while I was looking at him oddly baffled, turning to me with a little smile on his face

"Now you learn how to make the peaceful stream into a powerful river..."

For that whole day I spent my time trying to focus my ki into a powerful shout as he did, with each hit on the dummies. It was grueling, I had to put all of my focus and discipline into each hit and shouts, and channel all of my energy into the weapon. The day ended with a sore throat and tiredness as I have never felt.

I found Azai back at home.. it is strange to say such a word so far of wolfswood, but it feels right. She had came back from a little trip, in which time I had furnished our room. She loved it, the plants, the altar, even the perrot I have gotten for her. Asking me what was his name I told her it was her's to choose. I was so tired at that moment, but when she asked me to go with her to run some errant, I just couldn't say no. It's like a renewed energy washed over me and we went to do what she needed. Getting kit the weapons she needed, we stumped when she ask for a oak short bow. That is out of my skills unfortunatly but I know people who can make those. We needed gold though and so we went with Mortimer and Ruaton. The trip went well until we met with the caustic bones. I failed stopping him from raising his dreaded shield. At the end I fell so did Ruaton. Through her prayers Azai was able to call on Aeridin to raise me, and Mortimer saved Ruaton. What happened next is something I would never thought I would see in my life. Mortimer praised Corath for allowing Ruaton to come back to life.

We confronted him right away and it lasted for quite a while in and outside the crypt. Exposed to him what happens to those who follows Cortah. He pleaded with us that he was following balance, not the mad God. BUt something in me tells me to be wary as he refused to swear on Folian's amulet that he was not a follower of the mad God. After a while, Azaionna and I left them to go back home.

Where I am now writing this down in front of the fire place while she bathes.

[Hellblazer]

I have spent the last few months training hard on my ki and my whirlwind attack. Things are progressing on the later one, for the ki?.. I have yet to send a combat dummy flying in pieces of cloth, feathers and straw.

Been sometime that Azai and I have done anything really, beside meeting each other at the room, or some forest walk. Maybe our last trip in Arindor's demise, put her off. I don't know. I should probably ask her. I do need to talk to her about something though. I met with Argali lately, and she was talking to me about the green dragon cult, and the impending forces that are soon to reach our shores. She asked me if I would help, if I could keep an eye out and send word to Plenarius if I saw anything. I told her I would, and that I would talk to other people I know that may be interested in helping against the invasion. I know Azai said she wanted to, so this is the first person I need to talk to.

Beside that, training and more training. and eventually.... even more training.

[Hellblazer]

It's with a heavy and burdened heart that I must leave the forest to head into the Battlehems moor and take my station. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't push away my duty anymore. It pains me as I have not been able to speak to Azaionna about what was happening.

I wished I could have, wished I could have asked her thoughts on the matter, asked me to accompany me. But we have not managed to make the time needed to speak about it, and now I can not delay this any longer, not with the army nearing our shores. And so I have to leave, stocked up with arrows, tinder and flint for the cold night and to cook my food. Tasked to patrol the coast line of the moors and report to Plenarius any incoming ships to the shore.

I will how ever leave her a letter, pinned in a envelope on the armoir I have just bought her a week ago. It is up to her to read it. I hope she grows no anger for me leaving this way. Had I had more time, and a chance to speak to her, I would have. I would have loved for her to come with me. I will sorely miss her, her gentleness, her tenderness. *he sighs as the quill leaves a spot of ink* Her choice to read it and come. Her choice not even to read it, which would tell me much. Yes, I have grown doubts as of late, with the little time we have spent together. Doubts that should not be there, as technically there is no promises to one an other. But they are there, lurking.

Folian I beg of you to keep her safe, and myself too, so that I can return to her.

I will warm myself with the fire that I bring, with the training of my Ki, as I will not let this station stop me from training myself. But I will warm myself best, with the memory of her warmth as I held her. Of the smile she gave me, looking up at me in our embraces. This is what will give me the will, the strength to do the best that I can, and do what is asked of me.

It is a treacherous country, filled with trolls, serpents and other beasts, but the worst of them being the swampking patrol. But I will manage, I must. I will have no back up, unless she comes, or that Argali sends some. But Mistone is big, and they are needed else where.

*the rest that follows is in elven, a draft of what is written on the letter*

Sa oilem Wilslaac,

E ammeana ane aey anirela caananam, ane caan aey nleam eo amirilan ela iriltytyalelv. E irilela saan ameanir laesa tyaetyca anirilan ilma emvillejelv anira aooeman ilvilellaan anira estyalwelv elelillaeel eo anira niryc ilmsa illw anira wmilvel nyycanla. Aniraa irilela illanaw sa ane queel el aniraem aooeman illw.., sa wilmcelv, iream E lae amelairaw E nyeycw irilela anilcnaw ane aey faoema irillw, ane anacc aey illw laaa eo amirilan aey amillanaw. Fyan anira anesa irilla tycilaaw ilvilellaan yla, illw E oailm E nyill le celvam amilean el sa wyaneala.

E ils anillanaw ane laymelaa anira cillwla eo anira filanancairacsla seemla lailm elirac. Ane fa laanilaneelaw anirama illw latyean anira wafilmnilaneel eo anira elelilwamla illw matyeman filnyn amiral em eo E laaa illaanirelv. E oailm ean amecc fa il celv amileanelv vilsa oem sa ilan caillaan. Milvelv ilvilellaan anira seemla ellaetyew milel illw nyecwlalala ilan leviran. Sa wilmcelv iream E amecc selala anira amilmsanir eo aeym ilmsla. Anira fmeviranlalala aeym laseca fmeyviran ane sa, amiral E amecc fa waaty el anira wilmnlalala eo anira laamilstyla. E amecc tymila ailnyir wila ane Oeceill illw Ilamewel ane naaty aey lailoa.. sa ceela. Lae anirilan eo fa aniraem fcalalaelv E laireycw nyesa filnyn lailoa illw laeylw, E ameycw oelw nyesoeman el aeym vmilnya elnya ilvilel. Em anirilan fa aniraem samnyeoyc amilala, ama ameycw oelw eymlaacelala elnya ilvilel, faoema anira alw eo anira filananca.

E amelair ane cailela aey nleamelv, anirilan ilcanireyvir anirmeyvir anira aailmla ama irilela faal anevaaniram, ama irilela laaan il tyilnya eo acelala. Sa irailman irilla oilccal oem aeymla silla tyillalaelv eo anira seella ilve. Illw anirilan anirama ela le amemwla anirilan nyeycw veela quylaanenya ane iream aey silna sa oaac illw nyestycaana sa. E irilela ilcamilala laanetytyaw sa cetyla omes latyailnelv laynyir amemwla ane aey, eo oailm anirilan aniraa ameycw tyylair aey ilamila. Fyan illa E amilcn anirela leviran ane anira celalaesa anillan ilirailw eo sa, E amelair ane cailela il tyeanya eo salaaco, lae anirilan amiral anira anesa nyesala E irilela caoan laesaanirelv amemanir masasfamelv. E amelair aey ane nleam anirilan le tyeas ameycw fa sema failyaneoyc anirill anira analwamlalala ama irilw laireaml ane ailnyir eaniram. Illw lean aelal anira fcillnaan eo anira laanilmla el anira oemsilsalan, femwamla eo anira astyamaill, ameycw lairela illa fmeviran illa anira valanca vceam eo aeym oilnya, laeoanca nyilmalalaaw fa anira wes ceviran eo eym oematycilnya ilan leviran.

E amelair aey ameycw fa anirama ameanir sa, fa sa laewa illa E irilw iretyaw ama ameycw fa oilnyelv eym nyessel oea anevaaniram. Fyan ean ela ameanir irailela irailman anirilan E cailela anira ameewla ane alanam anira wilmn illw wilstyaw cillwla, oilnyelv anira lilaneela amecwla, illw anirelaa anirilan ameycw lean fa omes eym cillwla.

E cailela nleamelv leam, anirilan aey nleam iream sa irailman laanillwla oem aey, laanmileviran illw tyyma, oillaan illw laanailwa ilvilellaan anymseecla. Laanmalvaniral fa sa malaecela ane ela wila fa filnyn el aeym ilmsla. Aey irailman, Oeceill, illw Ilamewel ameccelv.

I ceela aey

Fehriel Cailomel
*A wolf print is drawn under his name, a golden leaf in the middle.*

*Before leaving, he leaves a note to Tabris explaining to him the situation and a will, in case of his untimely demise. The will states that all that he has, was to be given to Azaionna wither it be from what was stored in the chests he used, the furniture in their room, and what he had in his bank account. He signed it as he singed all his other notes.*

[Hellblazer]

Here I am at my post, patrolling the swamps, watching for the enemy boats. Meditating when my tour is done and training on my Ki, as always diligently. Tod found me, not too long after I got here. He was also making tours I think. We camp together, but we search separately to cover more grounds. He is good company, but I think he knows that I was longing for someone else, although he didn't say a word. I just couldn't stop looking at the moons, and thinking of her. And that was only a week after leaving the tree house. Folian must have heard my prayers or something, cause here I was patrolling the swamps that a heavenly figure came towards me. Dressed in white, denoting with the marshiness of the swamps, an angel from the heavens. It was the most beautiful sight I could have ever wanted in this forsaken place.. and any where else really.



At first though when she approached me, she didn't have her usual smile, she didn't call out my name with happiness. She had a thoughtful look on her face, mixed in with worriedness. I blurted out that I wanted to tell her, and she stopped me. What she said next shook my very foundations, taking my breath away. In her native tongue, a pleasure she had yet to grant me, she spoke to me gently.

"Hello my knight.. my.. love. I am gladd to see you unhurt."

I was without words .. almost.. but then she brushed the rain off of my face and greeted me with one tender kiss.

For that moment, the swamps were no where swamps, they were clouds, comfy.. cushionny clouds. I could have staid there all my life, eternity just in that moment, that it would have made me the happiest man of all men. There was still something on her mind though. Even though she officially called me her love, there is still part of her that wishes to move slowly, and I wish to grant her that. The sting came after though, when she said

"I do not with to hurt you. I , I may have spoken rashly. But your words touched me deeply.."

I understand that she has a fear in her, I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it is a fear of loosing someone she cares about, like she did with her sisterhood. And with my nightmares, I can't blame her. I do have that fear also, although I try to hide it. None the less, even if she joked about having to come to keep me safe, for the good of the kingdom of course. I know she feels more. She came after all, which pushed a lot of my worries away. And this by her own free will, not having asked her to do so.

We slowly crept to our tour after that, teasing each other, stealing a kiss here and there. Falling into the mud and coming back up completely muddied out. Good for the skin at least. We even found a cave filled with trolls. I still think it would be a good place to stage the operations, and I said so to Argali when we stumbled upon her in the swamps. I was happy to present to her Azai.

After a while, drenched, dirty and cold, I guided her to my tree hole. That's where we are now, her in reverie, I writing down my thoughts while I look at her. Tod.. where.. he's somewhere. Pretty sure he is back by now.. but I don't think he want's to intrude just yet.

Thank you Folian.. for you keep finding ways to surprise me.

*Closes his journal and stirs the fire so it heats more, then snuggles against Azai before falling into a restful night without nightmares.*

[Hellblazer]

My training continues. Lately I have had the idea to test my Ki in a way I could actually see the result. It's not much, nothing to really brag about, but I did see it. I had put some water in a glass and a lid over it, set it over a table and stood a few pace behind. It took me a while to do it, doing my thrust and letting my Ki shout out. At first it didn't do anything at all, but at the end, I could see it get stronger. Ripples in the water. I didn't touch the table, my breath couldn't have made the water move, and the floors are solid, so no vibration there. It's a small victory that Kyle will be pleased I am sure. beside that I have been practicing the whirlwind attack a lot and some new combat moves.

Azai and I have been traveling a bit lately, beside our time in the moors, checking out for the enemy ship. We have been taking some time off from time to time, leaving others to replace us. Trips to Dregar, to maintain the delicate balance of the wild life there. Trips to the dragon Ilse too, to put back the werebeast and mongleman back where they belong. It's on one of those trip though, that something Emry said got me thinking a lot.

Azai is still young, she is pretty and fit. But one day the unavoidable will happen. Like Emry, her biological clock will tick, and she will be hit with the urge to have her own little ones running around. Already I saw how she could be with Ido's pseudo dragon.. she was darn cute talking with that baby voice. But then her smile when Emry was telling her how her little josh changed her life and brought her joy. It didn't lie. She too one day will be faced with that urge. It is something I will never be able to give her. As much as I would like, or pray to Folian and Aeridin about it. There is no way around it, I will never be able to provide that joy to her. Eh.. some would say i worry for nothing as we are still taking our time.. like elves do. But sooner or later, it will happen. And what is there to do.. what answers lays behind those questions. None! Emry said that adopting would never be the same as the bond that is forge when it is your own blood. And I understand that perfectly myself, being adopted. She will be face with the same choice Emry had. And depending on how much love there is, or how strong the urge is, I will be face with the same result.

Even Kyle saw it on our last training, asking me what was ailing me. I told him the truth, told him what I had written to Azaionna, of my feelings for her. And I told him about my questions. He just smiled to me and told me not to worry so much. That if the love is true, Ilsare would provide strength to both of us. He himself adopted one of his child, Brittany. He told me that even if she was not of his blood, his love for her was the same as for Cole and Aylana. So I shouldn't worry to much, beside he had other sordid training for me to do, and then he laughed a mischievous ways.. And that he did. I got back to my room so tired.. aching. Hoping that Azai would be there, but alas, she was on one of her trips. I slept like a baby until the parrot woke me up, squeaking for food.

And so I am here, writing this down in front of my meditation fountain, Balance snoring by the bed.. well taking up the space between the bed and the bath is more like it. Who would have thought a bear would sleep indoors.. well it is a tree after all.

What will the future hold.. what will the future hold.

[Hellblazer]

Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

I try to be a friend but get pushed back and basically assaulted. I try to be civilized and let bi guns be bi guns, and that arse keep coming back with more, and then I try not to get grieved by it and let it slide, to keep to my inner balance, but it is not always easy. I try to bring some excitement, some things to see for people, and it back fires with many dying. I wait for people to have a look and voice themselves, and when no one says anything about the item I am looking for, even if I have waited more than enough time I get scowled for picking something that was obviously not claimed by anyone.. She does have a " I am god" complex at time, but then again, we all have our flaws. And I am done trying to understand or even be supportive.

I would have expected an apology from someone but not even.. I might have to much faith in people. Eh! live and learn.

Well, while I was sneaking in Azai pack for food I noticed she had the gloves I was looking to buy her.. guess I did all that work for nothing yet again. Really... it is getting hard to find something nice for her to surprise her with. Now I got a few thousands I have no clue what to do with. Think I'll just go and throw them in a pond or something.

Big groups.. hate them... but then again some times it's fun. I just get uneasy after a while. Well more like suffocated really. If it wasn't for the fact that when ever I try to do something with Azai, we get killed, I would probably not get such big groups together. At least I hope others appreciates it. The last trip I got together was reeaallly huge. I hate trying to organize people, even more so, when after a while they just don't listen. This time though, they pretty much stuck to the plan. Beside the no dying part.

Good thing that some one kept throwing potions at me, but even with that. I am glad to see I stood my ground against at least 4 vampire priest and the bears that was with them, as the other retreated through the zapping trap. I am making progress that is for sure, my stance was more than comfortable, it felt natural.

Now the question is, do I organize more..? if so how big.. or even where..?

// I just want to make it clear that these are the views of Fehriel, not my own.

No one is actually grieving me. I find the tense relationship between Aesthir and Fehriel quite amusing, and I am hoping he does to, at the last news he was. We talk a lot in tells to let each other know when we feel like pushing it or not, and respects the wish of the other when one is not feeling up to it.

So yeah, if you read this, take it for what it is. The thoughts of Fehriel and not something personal.