Art of Life

[Reventage]

The Life and Faith of Reventage D’vinn  The following few pages will tell you the tale of Reventage D’vinn pretty much to the point where she is now. This is something that has been present from the very beginning when I started to play her, but this is the first time I’ve managed to force it into the form of a text. I didn’t write this to be posted here, but some people have said, that maybe it would be best if I would. So I did.

Alright, let’s start dissecting.     There has been three important phases in the life of Reventage D’vinn. The first one was her childhood and what humans would call teens,  up to when she was a bit over 130 years old.  She was born a twin to a rich elven couple owning a successful trade company in Point Harbor. Her twin brother was named Gieran and Rev was given the name Kieran. When they were born they were the talk of the town, an elf lady had given birth to twins after all, this had to be a good sign. Their parents were proud. Despite of this they really never bothered to raise them. Her father was busy with his  work and her mother spent most of her time with the other rich ladies living in Harbor. They bought them expensive clothes and hired renowned tutors to teach them the proper elven behaviour (as his father would brag to everyone willing to listen. This generated an evil rumour about him being proud of his elven heritage but still acting more like a human).     Kieran was the regular rich girl, somewhat spoiled, arrogant and also the prettiest thing to walk on this earth. She had been blessed with the best of elven lineage, a hauntingly beautiful face, with a small perfect nose, eyes deep emerald green, mouth as red and frail as the bud of a pink rose, her long hair flaming red and finally a small slightly curved smile that made her eyes seem like glowed in even more perfect green. Gieran (whom Kieran quickly started calling Gil) was a swift learner, the pride and joy of his teachers. Kieran on the other hand didn’t seem to be interested of what his teachers had to offer. She practised and studies beside her brother, but her heart wasn’t in it. Slowly she started skipping classes, doing dangerous stunts such a riding her father’s horse without permission and getting hurt, trying to climbing out from the second story window of their house or flirting with the son of a rich jeweller living a few houses away and making him steal a ring from his father to her. She was also always trying to drag her brother into trouble with her. In the end she gained the reputation of a tomcat, a rascal with no respect for proper manners.      Kieran’s parents were at loss what to do with her. They tried shouting at her, bribing her, sending her to live with relatives (she was soon returned) and in  the end they just decided to ignore her and focus on her brother who knew how to act respectfully. By the time she and her brother had their 117th birthday Kieran decided she was bored with her current life and declared that she would not show up to any of her lessons from that day on and that she’d plan her own life from now on. After that she started to disappear from the house and never tell where she left. She could be gone for days and then appearing to the dinner table without explaining a thing. At first her parents tried question her about her actions, but soon gave up. She wasn’t around, and they didn’t hear bad things about her. Things were better than they had been.      At this time Rev’s life was rather empty. She was just continuing what she had been doing since she was a child, looking for any chance to have fun, on the expense of others if necessary. She would live in the moment acting on her instincts and going along with anything that would end up amusing and wouldn’t hurt her. She played around with men, gave them promises of love and other things that she had no intention keeping so that they would do whatever she asked from then. The only person she listened to an extent was her brother, who was there for her every time one of her plots failed and she got hurt. Gieran never judged his sister, just tried to be there for her when she needed it.     A few years later, in the year when the twins had their 121st birthday Kieran came home wounded. She had been shot to her left side, just a bit over her waist with a crossbow. She was pale and soon after Gieran got her to bed she passed out. Her parents paid well for the healers of Ilsare to come and heal her wound and she recovered in less than two days. Despite of this she refused to get up from her bed or to talk with her parents. A day later when she was alone with Gil she told him what had happened.      For little over a year she had been a part of a small group of thieves and burglars close to the docks. The gang had know her as Reventage, that’s why her parents hadn’t heard anything about this. She was not for the money or anything, she explained to his brother, but for the excitement in it. They had been doing some minor break-ins to some houses near the docks. She had been mostly acting as the lookout. There had been this young human man called Blue-Eye Will. He was 17 years old, been with the gang from when he was six and was one of the better locksmiths of the group. He was also head over heels to Rev. He had done all he could to get her attention. He had tried to teach her how to pick locks and gave her the prettiest things he found on their raids. He even tried singing to her.      Rev was amused by his innocence in such matters and had been playing around with him, giving him a bit more of her attention and on the same time daring him to do more and more dangerous stunts. In the end she had told her that she would really like if he’d get her this one special ruby necklace that was owned by a famous courtesan in one of the better entertainment houses near the city centre. To make the long story short, Will tried to break into the brothel but was caught. Trying to escape he ran to the street, but one of the bouncers managed to shoot him to the back with a crossbow. Rev ran to his body and tried to drag it out of there but she was shot too. Scared to death she ran away, to her home. It was guilt that kept Rev in the bed. She had killed him. She had just been playing around and now he is dead. She felt empty. For her whole life she had been chasing after a moments of enjoyment, living in the moment, never worrying of the future, never stopping to think if she was hurting someone. And now it all came crashing at her. She had hurt Will. She was sure she had hurt Gil. In a way she had hurt her parents. She had walked over countless of people for her own pleasure. She was guilty.     Gieran was the only person she admitted to how she felt. From him she pleaded for forgiveness and of course he gave it to her. And of course this didn’t ease her pain, for she felt that she would have to redeem herself or she would never be truly forgiven. Her parents didn’t understand why she wouldn’t get out of bed, there was nothing wrong with her expect for that scar she had demanded the healers would leave. After a week had passed they were starting to get mad with Rev, just sleeping and not eating. Finally the time had come to do something about that girl. In the end, they decided to contact the local temple of Ilsare, thinking that perhaps the girl just needed something to fill her life with and religion would have to do. Maybe they would even manage to teach her some manners. The local temple was more like a noble’s house that had its doors open for anyone wishing to give The Lady of Dreams their tribute than a official temple. They organised beauty contests, art shows and especially performances of their choir, well known for it’s beautiful performances. The owned of the temple was a gentle old priestess Seran, who had inherited it from her parents, who had inherited the place from her parents and so forth for four elven generations.     So Reventage’s parents contacted the priestess, asked her to teach their daughter the proper ways of serving The Archer of Love and take care of her in the future. On a completely unrelated note they also made a sizeable donation to the church. Seran met Rev, decided that her soul indeed needed saving and she agreed to take her into her house and teach her what she knew. Rev did not have a problem with this, at this time of her life she had hardly any objections to anything. Thus the second phase in her life began.     After a few days Rev had settled into her new life, it you can call it that, life. She ate at Seran’s table, she sat with her and listened when she taught her things every priestess should know of Her and the rest of the time she spent in her own room alone with her thoughts that had stuck into an infinite loop of gilt and self loathing. Seran tried to get her interested of the arts. She made her try painting, but if she wasn’t supervised and constantly encouraged, her brush didn’t move. The same with sewing. They tried to teach her dance, but she never was completely there, but in some deep dark corners of her mind so she was always a bit late in her moves. They put her into the choir, and there for a second she excelled because her godly voice, but she often forgot to sing and just stood there silent when the rest of the choir sang with all their hearts. A normal person would’ve given up, but Seran was old, she knew that you can’t change your world around in an instant. So she kept trying, doing her best for Rev. Every day they sat together, Seran teaching Rev of Her teachings and history, teaching Rev Her songs, how to call her so that She s allowed to answer. Year passed and then another but Rev showed no improvement, she was still stuck on that infinite loop spiritually banging her head on the wall for her past mistakes. Then one evening she fell asleep. She dreamt of warmth that reached every nook of your soul, of light that gave you courage and will, and of voice that brought tears to ones eyes. “Why do you hate yourself so?” the voice asked. And Rev replied. And they talked.     The next day Rev was different. She wasn’t what she had been yesterday. She wasn’t what she had been before the demise of Blue-Eye Will.  Once again she was full of life and she was thirsting for more information of Her. Now if Seran talked to Rev, Rev replied., eagerly. When she was talking, Rev listened and learned. Some of it she understood, some not, but she was listening with her whole soul. Seran never questioned the source of this sudden change, she just smiled. Rev tried again to practice the arts. Sadly she had no skill of capturing the moment on canvas, or creating the perfect seam, her hands were too hasty, her spirit too eager to stop doing something properly. It was the same with dancing, she was only able to lead the dance on her own pace, ignoring the music. But when she came back to the choir her performance stunned everyone. With her high spirits her words rise higher and reached such power and gentleness that had been never seen before. The realisation that there was someone so great as Her who loved her was the power that had given her a new life, the chance of doing something that would please Her was the power that kept her going. So she worked, studied and sang and finally she was officially accepted as one of her priestesses. That day might have been one of the most happiest day of her life. Her life in the temple began.     The lessons ceased. She and Seran would still talk, but that was in a different manner, Rev thought that she had learned what she would need to learn. Then temple life started to seem empty to Rev. She was helping the community. She was praying, singing, but that wasn’t enough to fill her life. She felt that she would have to do more for Her, she would have to be worthy of Her love and acceptance. She would have to be bigger to receive such an enormous love and the temple life seemed small to her.  The urge to do more and more for her grew and in the end, she told Seran that she was leaving. Rev thanked for all that she had done for her and bid her farewell. Seran said nothing. The she went to meet her brother who was the only person of her family she had kept contact while living in the temple. She told him of her plans to leave and Gieran, who had trained in the arts when Rev had been gone, demanded that his sister would take him along with her. He also wished to see the world and especially how the magic was practised in its different corners. They went to their parents, and announced their intentions and told them that they’d leave with or without their support. After the initial shock their parents funded their trip quite generously and booked a ship for them to Mistone.      They travelled around the northern continent for a few months, living quite comfortably in the best inns and spending their coin openly. They travelled around, moving with caravans transporting various objects around Mistone. Rev found the company of blunt but easygoing guards a pleasant one and she often spent evenings talking to them at their campfires, leaving Gil to study alone. On one of these trips a band of robbers attacked them, surprising them completely. The hired guards knew their job and the robbers were driven away, but during the scuffle Gil got hit to the face by one of the robbers. Rev was able to heal his wound, but she still blamed herself for not being able to prevent it. Rev started to strengthen her body. She did a heavy exercise program every day and continued the training on using a longsword she had been given when still living home. The caravan guards gladly helped her. She swore she would gain power of her own, not just depend on Her all the time. Slowly her work started giving results, her stamina would increase and she was able to use her sword more effectively. She even had to defend herself and her brother a few times while on the road. Once they fought against goblins trying to rob the caravan they were travelling with. She was only slightly wounded     And then they were robbed, all of their gold was stolen at an inn. If you ask Rev it was Gil’s fault, not that she’d ever point fingers. Since Gil had been the one their parents trusted, they had given him most of their gold. Thus almost all of their wealth lost they were forced to do odd jobs and small favours to anyone asking for them. Rev was healing minor wounds for a small donation. Gil was offering his lore in magic to commoners.      After a month had passed since they lost their money they were hired to look for a lost child from a forest near Centre, but instead of finding the child they were lost themselves. After wandering around for a few days they set camp next to a fallen tree and fell asleep. When they woke up they were in front of a big silvery lizard.      This is the time where I started directly controlling Rev's life.

  At this point the basics of Revs character had been worked out. She was an independent person. There were only two things that really mattered in her life, Ilsare and Gieran. The relationship between Rev and Gil had changed drastically after the death of Blue-Eye Will. Before Rev had been the dominant part of the pair, now Rev listened to everything Gil said. Rev felt that she had wronged him in her past life, and now she was giving her brother the respect he deserved and more.     Soon after arriving Hlint Gil rented a room in the Wild Surge Inn and started doing extensive research based on the new magical information he had obtained during the earlier part of their travels. He rarely left his room. Rev kept supplying him what he needed and paying the rent (The person who was supposed to play Gil quit NWN soon after we started in Layo for personal reasons. He was supposed to be the power that kept Rev in a short leash, so him not being around affected a great deal on how Rev ended up to be).  
  The relationship between Rev and Ilsare had the form of a relationship between a mother and a daughter, when the child was very young. Rev admired everything having any relation to Her, she never doubted Her strength, to Rev, Ilsare was invincible. Every time Rev recited a prayer she was able to feel her love. Every single time she healed someone she felt her warmth. When Rev watched Her lightning dance in the skies she felt close to Her. Ilsare meant everything to her and She was the reason Rev lived.
  At the same time Rev’s uneasiness that had began to grow when she was still staying in the temple grew larger and larger. Ilsare was giving Rev her love, lending Rev Her power. What was Rev doing for her in exchange of all this? Nothing. She was just running around the countryside, doing some random jobs to get enough gold to go by. This was no way of paying Her back. Rev felt the need to do something bigger, something important, something that would make the ground shake and every single living creature to sing Her glory. This was the thing that in the end drove her to adventuring. She needed a get rich quick scheme, she needed to find an ancient magical artifact. She needed to find something to turn the world around and make Her feel proud of Rev.  
  There were of course faults in this kind of thinking. First of all Ilsare didn’t want Rev to “pay back”. She didn’t want her to do great deeds in Her name (not that she would have minded that either). She was happy as long as Rev loved Her back with all her heart, this was all that she was asking in return. Love is giving without wanting anything back. Rev with her weak self-esteem didn’t realise this. The other mistake Rev did was also caused by her almost non-existent self esteem was that she needed to borrow power to bring about change. She shouldn’t have been looking for ancient artefacts to change her surroundings, true change comes from within. Rev would be able to chance the world with her own power if she’d try to and had the will, she doesn’t need to gain power from somewhere else to do it. Ilsare saw both of these mistakes and forgave her, for She was sure she’d realise the truth by herself. So She loved, supported and waited.

  There were also other aspects of Rev effecting her actions (and quite a few of them affect her even now). First of all she decided she’d never let a disaster like the one with Blue-Eye Will so she started (partially not realising it herself) to act more rough and less inviting. She started to use the form of common she had learned during her life near the docks that sounded crude and impolite. She started showing more of her true nature instead of trying to please the one she was talking to. She would tell (bad) jokes on the expense of others, she would state her own opinion loud and clear and she would not listen to the opinions of others, or even give the impression she was listening. She was being her old a bit arrogant self that she had always been, now just be open about it.

  The time after they were robbed taught Rev a lot of things, most important was the value of money. For all her life she had never needed to worry about it. She had never handled large amounts, but never had she been in the danger of running out. When she needed money, she had it. So the experience of poverty shook her. Money was something important. It kept you alive. It worked as a tool to guard yourself and the ones close to you. In a way she came to understand her father a bit better. She also realised that she would never be able to go back to the life she had lived before, trusting other people for her livelihood. She wanted to make her own in this world, she wanted to earn her coin so that she could be proud of it. (This aspect of her that explain why she demands a reward every time she’s asked to do something. She respects people who work for their coin and she’s proud to be a professional “Solver of various problems” aka. an adventurer. She thinks of herself as a pro, and pros make a living on what she does. She is different from these Sunday adventurers who do it just to gain wood or ore for their craft. She is there to get the job done and expects to be paid for it. She doesn’t understand those who do it for free. It’s the same as calling a plumber to your house and expecting him to do the job for free just because he likes his profession. Also Rev doesn’t consider herself a professional crafter, so she doesn’t care of she gets paid for that.)

  Rev has a strange relationship with talking. She does a lot of it, and when she does, she does it loud and clear. On the other hand she doesn’t put too much weight on what she’s saying. For her, actions weigh more than words. Talking is something you do to fill the voids between doing things. It’s not the most important thing there is, as some people seem to think. This affects her view of the world quite a bit.
First of all this allows her to say things she doesn’t mean. IF she shouts at you and calls you the ugliest thing that has ever crawled from the pits of hell while she is smiling, you should trust her smile, not her words. Her words can differ greatly from her feelings. Rev also gets easily frustrated if she is in a situation where some sort of an action is needed but people around her just talk and talk. Also Rev gets frustrated if she can’t figure out the correct path (or something she believes to be the correct path) in a situation where one needs to act. This part of her character makes her rather rash and sometimes she gets so annoyed by the talking that she acts stupidly and without thinking just to make them stop. That’s why Rev has been compared to a bull that sees something red, rushing blindly towards its direction.
Rev also judges people based on their actions, not on their words. So people overly polite and verbose don’t get more sympathy out of her than the people with less skill in talking. But the attitude the words portray do effect her judgement.

  Not only does Rev respect those who act, but she also expects everyone to carry the consequences of their own actions. You are free to do anything  you feel is right, not caring of the opinions of others, as long as you are ready to face the consequences. Being responsible for your decisions makes you responsible making those decisions count. One should always direct all her passion on the matter at hand, use their personal strength to support their objectives. By acting you change the world around you, for good and bad. Rarely a decision what to do is simple, but once you have chosen your path, you should not look back, you should just accept what is coming to you as the price of a decision you have made. Always follow your heart for it leads you to your true destination. (This is the most difficult part of Rev personal philosophy to explain and I’m not sure if I succeeded in it. It’s best seen in the decision she makes, but it’s hard to explain in words only. Think the French guy Jean-Paul Sartre, a philosopher with strong existentialistic impression.) By alignment Rev is Chaotic Good, but she is walking close to the line between CG and CN. But I don’t think she has crossed that line since her youth.

  Something Rev views as a personal matter is ones faith. Everyone decides who to follow by their own and everyone decides how to live their faith. Some people do it with a lot of noise, shouting that the one they follow is the only right one for everyone and everyone should think like them. There are people who consider their fait as something they were born with, they respect the one whose path they follow but they won’t fee anything more in that relationship. Rev’s relationship with Ilsare is very personal. Rev is following her because she has given her life in Her hands, Rev’s soul belongs only to Her. This dedication Rev feels towards Ilsare is something so personal and important to her that she rarely speaks of it. Rev’s heart is so close to Her, Rev’s love for Her is so great that sometimes it brings tears in to her eyes. The feeling is so strong it can’t be shared with anyone.

  During her life in Hlint and it’s surroundings She experienced quite a few things. She grew stronger. She was in the top of her life (or so she believed) and feel. Both good experiences for her. She ran around all she was able, did what she thought needed to be doing. But she came no closer to finding what she searched, a way to do something great, something that would make Her proud of Rev. She thought only little of the things she had done thus far, that they would not amount to much. Little things were good but to create change you needed a bang.
She had also found true friends, something that she never had before she had left home. People who it felt right to be with. People who had earned her respect and seemed to respect her back. Brac’ar Fireface and Gotak Gungur, both dwarves, so in a way a strange pair to be following an elf around.  But them being dwarves may be something that drew Rev to them. They were outspoken, easy going and ready to live, much like Rev herself. Also she came to know Llunieninque Artuile'rosse, a skilled elven enchantress quite well. She reminded her of his brother in her burning love to her Art and Rev also loves her rambling way of speaking, she was able to amuse herself for hours just listening to Llu. These were the first people after Ilsare and Gil who accepted her as she was and Rev returned this favour accepting their good sides and their faults.     Rev’s life was standing still, something that she was not completely disappointed to. She was more or less happy, the voice in the back of her head telling her that she was not doing enough only annoying her slightly. Then her father died. He had been getting weak for a while now and suddenly he just died. The healers were able to explain it, but it didn’t really matter to Rev. He was gone, nothing to do about it. Both Rev and Gil hurried to Point Harbor to the funeral but they were late by two days. Gieran inherited the company from their father and gave up the Art for a while. He swore he’d return to it one day. Rev had a fight with her mother. A loud one. They took their frustrations out on each other. Rev escaped to the docks she knew so well, found a lively inn, and got drunk. Something she is ashamed of ever since. She even swore off drinking completely for a while living only on water. She spent a year in Harbor helping Gil to clear his affairs. For this whole time she didn’t talk to her mother once. Then she left back to Hlint. When she came back many things had changed. Some people she had known were still here, but more importantly some were gone. Gotak had died. Instead of a joyful reunion she locked herself to her room in the inn.     Now both of these deaths affected Rev quite strongly. During her adventuring days Rev had seen death and she had seen it being overcome. No one really died. She had never lost anyone expect Blue-Eye Will, and the feelings she had gone trough back then came back. The first wave of these emotions came as a surprise to Rev. They had never been close, but still, she felt like she had lost something important, and that she might have been able to do more for him. And she hadn’t. Rev was to be blamed on this. But when helping Gil she slowly forgot of this, she didn’t see her mother so the guilt she reminded her of didn’t get a hold of Rev. But then she heard that Gotak had died. Frustration, anger and small doses of guilt came over her. This was wrong! She would not let things like this happen. She would not let people disappear! She needed to change the world even more than before. She was completely lost.     Luckily this phase in her life didn’t last that long. Soon after returning Rev and a random bunch of people were trapped in some sort of an Illithid mind controlling experiment (A quest by Rhizome). They were trapped into a world of illusion, unable to get out. They were told that they would be able to escape by just willing themselves out. So Rev tried it. She concentrated on getting out and failed. Then she tried again, failed again. After this she gathered everything she had, she borrowed all the power from Ilsare She was willing to give, she took command of every shred of will she possessed and willed herself out. But when she opened her eyes again, she was still stuck in this hellish place, nothing had changed around her. So she gave up. She decided that her own power she had gathered, was still not enough to do anything. She was still truly weak. Her comrades were able to fund a way to get out of the damned place, but Rev was left behind. She had lost her will and was unable to find a way out. Rev herself doesn’t know how long she spent there, it must have been but a few days, days that felt like eternity. Then she had a vision. The second vision of Her in her life. And She carried Rev out of there. (What really happened is not known, Ilsare might have been there or she might have not. It’s also possible that the Illithid grew tired and let her go. Or it’s also possible that being delirious Rev just imagined meeting her, and this vision helped her to get out of there. All we know is that Rev firmly believes that She was there.)     Once Rev got back she went trough the trouble of buying a house to lock herself into. She spent almost a week behind the locked doors, in the dark, being scared, feeling helpless, lost, desperate, and saved. After the shock started to wear away she started to go trough her life again. Her youth, her time in the temple, her adventuring days. Her victories, her losses. And she was overcome by this strange feeling, a feeling that she had walked off the path on some point. That she had made a mistake somewhere and now she was paying for it. She was no closer to her goals than she had been before and her means of reaching that goal started to seem more and more empty. She was stronger but that amounted to nothing. Spending a few days thinking about it, she finally came to a conclusion. She was not going anywhere like this. She had not been going anywhere she liked for a long time, not really. There had to be something for her. Something that would allow her to earn Her love. She just wasn’t sure how. She would need to find a way. She headed out of her house, out into the world to find that way. Her path was no longer as simple it had been before. She was no longer sure what the proper path was. But she would find it.

I do hope you enjoyed it, and do feel free to send me any feedback based on these pages or how I play her. A well detailed and thought out letter of feedback is more welcome than a simple message of “Good job”.

[Leanthar]

This is a good read Rev.  Glad to see it here.  Clearly a lot of thought has gone in to the character.

[Reventage]

Of weakness and loss, of denial  "Deliar , why do you curse me so?” the innkeeper of Wild Surge inn mutters when he sees an elven woman entering his establishment. The woman’s armor is as red as her blazing short cut hair and on her back she has a huge shield with the crest of Ilsare skilfully painted on it’s surface. She is slightly shorter than other women of her race but she has a huge warhammer, the handle almost twice as thick as her wrist hanging from her belt and she carries her huge backpack without bendinga notch under it’s weight. Her face is so beautiful that one might mistake her for an angel, but when she notices the innkeeper she grins wickedly which effectively dispels that illusion. “Well it has been almost too peaceful anyway.” the innkeeper sighs and walks to his longtime customer.“  "So you are back then” the innkeeper says to the woman. The woman nods to him and smirks:  “I bet ye couldn’t wait to see me again in this fine inn of yers. Ye did almost burst into tears when we left.”  “Those were tears of joy” the innkeeper thinks but keeps his cool.  “And your brother then, where is he. I don’t see him with you.” he asks from the woman.  “I left Gil home. Family business, if that’s any of yer concern. But I’m here now and I’d like to get my old room back.”  “Sadly that’s not possible. Soon after you left I rented to a new customer and it’s still occupied.”  The woman looks annoyed.  “So what? Just move whoever it is to some other room and tell them the original occupant of the room has returned.” She grins not too happily.“I’ll even compensate it to him.” The innkeeper firmly shakes hishead. “It’s “her”, and no, she has lived there for over five months now and I’m not going to tell her to move and neither are you! And you better do as I say or I won’t let ye set foot in this establishment ever again!” After a quick pause he continues:  ”Your brothers room is still free though… We finally finished replacing the burnt boards a month ago and I haven’t been able to rent it to anyone becausethe room still reeks of sulphur. It’s the only room free at the moment too, except for the rooms we rent out to the one-night clients of course.” The woman’s pale cheeks grow red in anger and she opens her mouth, ready to start an argument over the matter, but then she inhales, the fire dies from her eyes and she just replies: “Alright, alright, I’ll take it…” She tosses a small bag of gold to the innkeeper. Then she continues with her normal slightly arrogant attitude. “That should be enough for a while. Also I’d like to remind ye that we did compensate quite open-handedly for the damage to his room when we left so ye should have no reason to complain.” She waves her hand and brushes the matter aside. “Tell me, any news of my old comrades? “ “The sorry lot of misfits you were running around with and killing stuff here and there? Though I shouldn’t be talking ill of the dead. One of them finally kicked the bucket. The axe dwarf, you know, the rude and not too smart one. Good customer though.” “Gotak? Kicked the bucket? As in dead? Dead dead, not comin’ back?” The woman looks profoundly shocked and for a second the mixed expression of arrogance and boredom disappears from her face and she seems sad and hurt. This last only for a second and she soon regains her composure. Still her voice is a bit higher than normal and she almost screams when she speaks again: “How did this happen? Was there no cleric around who knew what they were doin’?! Was the body lost, buried!? Tell me!” The innkeeper startles when her voice keeps rising and rising, he waves his hands trying to tone her down. “I don’t know, I wasn’t there. The way the rumour goes when he died his spirit left his body and nothing can be done about it. That’s all I know!” The innkeeper, when he sees the fires in her eyes light upagain, looks the woman with a panicky expression on his face, he’s afraid that she’ll explode on him again. But as suddenly as the fire appears, it is also gone, her eyes only seeming a bit emptier than they were before. She sighs deeply and after a while she extends her hand towards the innkeeper. “I’m going to my room then, give me the key.”  As the innkeeper fishes a large iron key out of his pocket she continues:  “Also if ye see any others of my old group, like Brac or Llunieninque, tell ‘em that I’m around again if I won’t catch ‘em first. Ye’ll remember‘em, they’re regulars here after all. Tell ‘em I’ll find ‘em after I’ve…” She pauses. “I’ll find ‘em when I have the time.” She grabs the key from the innkeepers hand and heads upstairs not listening the polite answer of the innkeeper.  Reventage slams the door shut behind her, tosses her bag on the ground, takes her shield off from her back and hangs it and her hammer to the rack next to the door. She swiftly opens the straps on her full plate, takes it off and tosses its parts on the ground. Then she closes the curtainsand heads straight for the bed, still wearing the padded underwear she wears under her armor. She does all this barely thinking what she’s doing, numbing pain fills her thoughts, her soul. First father then Gotak, she thinks. Great to be back, eh. She sobs once quietly. The same darkness that has resided in the corner of her heart attacks her again. The sorrow of lost acquaintances combined with the feeling of weakness, the shame of not being able to do anything, not being there. Again she praises and questions her Goddess at the same time. She thanks Her for Her trust, Her love, the power She has granted to her. But still she can’t help but ask what the power is for if she can’thelp the ones close to her, the ones that matter. And again she is filled by the same warmth, the same acceptance that always fills her when she thinks of Her, when she talks to Her, when she sings for Her. The warmth doesn’t offer her answers, but it dispels the coldness created by the darkness in her heart. But as it warms her, the love also powers the darkness, reminding her of her worthlessness, the fact that she can not ever really be worthy of that love. Reventage spends most of the night turning and tossing in her bed, sometimes crying forher father whom she never understood, crying for the lost comrade, crying because of her own uselessness.   Halfway to the night the warmth of her Goddesses love finally grants her the relief of deep sleep, dreamless but yet comforting. It’s hours past noon when she finally wakes up, not freed of her sorrow and constant doubt, but still refreshed. She unpacks her bag, polishes her armor and shield and then orders a tub of warm water brought to her room with a meal. With the power of a warm bath and a greasy meal she pushes aside the tangled emotions of last night, crams the doubts and fears back to the dark corner of her heart and heads out of her room, ready to take on whatever the world has to throw on her way. She wouldn't let her past bring her down. At least so she has firmly decided.

[Reventage]

Of delusions and nightmares, of awakening She remembers crying. She remembers despair. She remembers the faces of her foes around her, smirking at her, laughing and ridiculing her. She remembers her feeble attempts to gather her thoughts, to concentrate, to will herself out. She remembers being crushed, not by the words of her nightmares around her but her own doubts, her own fear of being unable to do it. She remembers screaming. She remembers her consciousness fading away...  Then a memory stronger than any other. A memory of opening her eyes seeing not the faces of the nightmares that she was expecting, but a face most beautiful and elegant, a face filled with love and acceptance. Filled with compassion. No longer does she hear the loud voices mocking her, making her doubt herself, her ears are now filled by a beautiful melody withno words but still full of feeling. Her world is saturated by the melody. And her doubts melt away.  She wakes up.  For a second she is still in the dream, enveloped by that beautiful melody, with no fear or doubt, but irrevocably the reality catches up to her. “You gotta stop dreamin’ about that girl.“ Reventage mutters and tips a towel into the bowl full of cold water on her dresser. She wipes her face with the towel and sweeps away the remaining notes of that marvellous tune, even though some part of her would desperately want to cling on to the memory for as long as it lasts.  She sighs for no apparent reason, tuns around and sees her reflection in the mirror. “Ye look tired“ she says and touches the cold glass. “She came to me again, eh?“ She lets out a small voice, a mixture of a sigh and a laugh. “Nothin’ I was able to do did any good. All my strength I’ve gained by trainin’. All my knowledge I’ve gained by aimlessly wanderin’. My willI believed to be unconquerable. All the stuff I believed myself to be… None of it any good. All I did was just diggin’ myself deeper. Losin’ a fight and with that my confidence.” She gives her reflection a sad smile. “Or maybe the other way around… Losin’ myself to that horrid place.“ She shakes her head. “After all I’m nothin’ compared to Her. Nor should I be, but still…“ A bitter laugh. “Still thought I was somethin’. Thought that by workin’ hard I could make myself to be somethin’. That doin’ somethin’ big would make me big.“ She pauses.“ And when push came to shove I was nothin’“ She brushes her hand over the face of her reflection. “Delusions. I was wrong and it was allfor naught. She is there to save me, I’m here to be saved. No way I can help her… Or pay Her back. Nothin’ I can do in this mortal world could be worth that much. I should give up, just accept to be the one bein’ saved all the time. Nothin’ more.“ She closes her eyes and stands there still for a long long time without really thinking anything.  In the end she raises her head and looks into the eyes of her reflection. She can’t give up. She would never do that. But she has lost her faith in her old path, she knows she has been wrong. But still, that doesn’t mean everything is lost. That she’d never accept. She just needs to find a new way. There has to be one. And she’s ready to be saved countless times so that she can find it. However much that hurts. She looks into the green eyes of her reflection once more and weakly utters one word: “Definitely”

[Reventage]

 Hello, beloved brother    I’m writing to you, because… Well because I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I know that when you read this you grin to yourself and say that it’s not like me. And were I there, I would grin and say that you are right. But now I’m serious. I’ve been confused lately. I mean if you ask me it has always been clear what I want to do, what I need to do, and I’ve been working towards that doing everything in my power, choosing the methods that seem most efficient, never really compromising myself when doing this.    But lately… lately I’ve been not too successful. Many of my choices have been proven wrong afterwards. I’ve always believed in following my heart where ever it takes me, but let’s just say that where I’ve ended up isn’t where I imagined I’d be.    Like the other day a great manifestation of fire appeared, a powerful pit fiend. It was a clear threat to my party, so I made a decision that seemed right. I rushed into its flames, and hit it down before it had the chance of doing anything. If fell but still kept mocking me. And I became so angry, oh so angry. I shouted at it, but it didn’t answer. I searched for it but I couldn’t find it. I called my lightning, screamed to the winds. Then I passed out. When I woke up I was still angry. Honestly I was raving mad. I almost attacked a member of our group… I didn’t even realise that I had been possessed by the fiend, not a single thought that I could be wrong crossed my mind. I was completely under it’s control. Finally the fiend got what it wanted and it discarded me as useless. And then it all came crashing at me, what I had done, what were the consequences of my choice.    After a lot of time analysing this. First of all, I made a decision. It was my decision and I’ll carry the responsibility of it. The problem is, that my decision didn’t effect only me, but the people around me. What if someone had been permanently injured, so that even She can’t heal them? Then they would have paid the price for my decision. I’ve know this before, but well before this I’ve never questioned my decision afterwards. The decision had been made and something had happened. I never asked “what if”, as I do now.    I’m sorry for burdening you with my worries, my beloved brother. I know you have helped me carry more of my concerns than I could never ask you to. It’s just that sometimes I don’t know what to do with all this. She is there for me, and with Her support I know I can get trough this, to find the proper way, but I also know I have to find the path there myself… Rev stops writing and reads the letter trough. Then she folds the paper, opens a drawer on her desk and puts the paper away. She organises her table walks our of her house and sits by the pond, leaning her head on her hands, her eyes looking past the surface of the water.    // Just as a side note, Gieran is elven for beloved brother

[Reventage]

   My beloved brother.     I couldn’t resist of picking up the quill after all. This uneasy feeling that forced me to write my last letter to you has not lifted, but it’s getting worse. The thing that got me thinking this time was a visit to the grave of Gotak Gungur. You know the fellow, short, bearded and loud, as most of the dwarves. I’ve talked you of him number of times. Anyway, I stood there, next to his grave and I sang a bit, almost even shed a tear. Being there just reminded me of him and what it had felt when I heard he was lost. Something I do not like to dwell upon. But on the same time, it felt good. Being there, remembering him, respecting his memory. So I took this ring out of my bag, one that I had made just a week back, a gold ring with an alexandrite cut in the shape of a teardrop embed into the gold. The tear represented my sorrow and the enchantment of strength in the gem the power of his character. I placed the ring on his grave. It felt proper.    And this ring, it made me think. I’ve never seen anything wrong about taking from the dead. It’s not something that one should do for a living, but if there’s something that you can put into a better use than the corpse who has it, there’s nothing wrong about it either. Dead have no earthy needs, most often their soul is long gone and if it’s not, it should be released. But when I think of the ring, the sheer idea of someone taking it makes me mad. If someone would so much as think of taking it I’d chase him to the ends of the worlds and make him pay. Why do I feel this? The dead have no needs, Gotak will do nothing with the ring. Still it being there gives me a certain amount of comfort.    So the conclusion I come is that maybe the trinkets we leave to the living aren’t there to please the ones already passed, but more to give peace to those souls left behind, grieving. They’re the token of our longing and respect for the ones we will never forget. They’re imbued with our never dying love, they’re something that should be respected. Again my old view of the world was shaken, my past course was proven wrong, and I was forced to find a new path on this. I so wish you were here to give me your counsel, to give me the answers. But that will not happen and I’ll continue on walking only with Her beside me supporting me, keeping me up. With Her I’ll reach my destination.     R  Rev reads trough the letter once, then she nods and folds the paper neatly. She opens a drawer in her desk and places the letter on top of the old one. Then she opens the other drawer, takes out a chest full of all sorts of jewellery and starts polishing them humming quietly

[Reventage]

From the drawer a new letter can be found on top of the two old ones     My beloved brother,    I’ve shamed myself. In the darkness of the night, I mistook one of our own to be an enemy, and swiftly hit him down. Words can’t describe how ashamed I was, how sorry I felt for him and how guilty I felt. It was something unforgivable. But he was brought back and I pleaded for his forgiveness and, for my great surprise, he forgave me. Said it could happen to anybody. He was alive and all was good. Even Athus, a priest of Aeridin, didn’t condemn me, he just comforted me and said that mistakes were a part of ones life.    But still I can’t forgive myself. Taking an innocent life is something that can’t be brushed aside too easily. The sin is mine, and I shall carry it and pay for the consequences the best I can. But this death, it brought to me another question, a question of a great magnitude.    I have killed creatures of all sizes and shapes. This is something I’ve accepted as being inevitable in this life, if you try to support your comrades, protect the innocent and make the world generally a better place, you can’t avoid that decision. Some people are there to do the exact opposite of what you are doing and talking is not the solution. The more powerful you become, the more there is the pressure to make that decision. When you kill, you make yourself the judge and the executioner. For a long time I’ve considered myself the only judge whose verdicts I can count on, and the only one who can judge me to be Her. This is the only way to survive, this is the only way to save ,this is the only way to really bring about change. So I accepted the mantle of a judge, follow my heart and stay true to it and Her and I can’t go wrong That was what I believed.    Now, I’m forced to ask myself, am I qualified to be the one giving the verdict? Yes it was dark, they were both dwarves, they both had dark armor and a helmet that made them look fierce, but still, I looked, I judged and I acted. And I was wrong. So how can I trust that I will not make a similar mistake in the future? What if I were to kill another innocent by accident? Before I acted with no doubt. Can I go back to that again? Should I?     R

[Reventage]

Of strings and efforts, of new songs  Reventage closes her eyes and breathes deep, in then out. She opens her eyes and lets go of the string. The arrow grazes the right edge of the old cart wheel hanging from a tree. She sighs and picks up another arrow from the ground, pulling the string back again and her eyes focus on the target. Again she breathes deep and releases the arrow. This time the wheel survives unharmed. Suddenly it feels as if she can hear the chanting of black mages. In her ears the sound seems to be mocking her. She sighs and tosses the bow on the ground. Almost immediately she regrets it and picks it up. Once again she picks up the bow and another arrow and aims.  Again, she misses. Cursing her poor concentration she walks to sleeping Seran and sits next to her, resting against an old oak. Her eyes lazily wander around the small glade and she tries to calm her mind by clinging on the tranquillity of the stars, the moons and the trees. For a moment she feels calm, but then the worries surface again. Things she doesn’t understand, matters she can do nothing about. Friends who are in pain while she can do next to nothing to help them. Again she starts blaming herself for putting the responsibility of the dragon on Brac’s shoulders and the consequences of that. And again this makes her walk the path of recalling all of her late shortcomings. Pictures of spiders, dying elves, dark mages, pentagrams, swamps and the dark face of Milara flash in her mind and she apologises, not to anyone in particular, she knows She isn’t blaming her, she knows he isn’t blaming her, nor is Brac. She knows she did what she could. But still, she should have been able to do more. So she apologises.  Almost without thinking, her hands wander to her bag next to her and she takes out an item wrapped in silk cloth. She removes the cloth and looks at the golden harp in her hands, traces her finger along the small runes on it’s surface. Gently she touches a string. It lets out a sound completely different from the string of the bow she has been handling the whole day. For a moment she tries playing one of the songs inscribed on the harps surface, but after a while she slows down and finally pauses. She lifts her eyes from the harp and looks at the moons. They are still close to each other, almost touching. A few pure notes fill the air. There is no melody for them, just notes after another, but they have a feeling to them. Something to be expressed. Slowly a rough form of a melody emerges. Unsure and weak, but still, a melody expressing something. Notes follow each other, the melody searches for itself. But slowly it fades away, a new note follows the last one slower and slower. And finally a silence reigns again.  The baby starts crying. Rev almost jumps up, startled, dropping the harp. Quickly she picks it up and wraps it in the silk again and places it into her bag. She picks up the child and starts shushing her to sleep again, muttering random nonsense in elven. After a good while of crying the child calms down and starts breathing calmly again. Rev just sits there, looking at the moons and the stars.