Why dos it hurt so much

[NEXUS7]

A long time ago I fell deeply in love and after 3 grates yours of use living togever at University it ended very badly.
She left and ended up with my beast friend from that time. When she left she did so with out contacting me ever again.
The brake was that bad, tuck me 7 years to get over her and now 13 years later, on Friends Reunited there’s a small post
Saying she marred to him and now and has a child, this was so long ago but it put me on a real downer, I have told my wife who I love deeply as well about this time and the pain there and she has been a grate help.

But why o why dos it still hurt so much after all this time?

O well

The Greeks said that “Love is a poison than entered the body throw the eyes.”

[lonnarin]

Probably because it was your best friend who got her.

On the plus side, all the girls from high school and early college I had crushes on way back that I meet now are far larger now than when I remember, and doing absolutely nothing of meaning with their lives. The girl who beat me for school president now makes 1/4 my salary, and I only work 3 days a week.

Living well is the best revenge.

[NEXUS7]

Found this on the web seems to sum up where my head was at all thows years ago and why its taken a hit now
Feel a lot better for reading it helped a lot to staten out my head.


OBSESSIVE LOVE WHEEL ©
As Part of Obsessive Relational Progression
PHASE ONE THE ATTRACTION PHASE:
The initial phase of ORP is characterized by an instantaneous and overwhelming attraction to another person. It is at this point the relationally dependent person becomes "hooked" on a romantic interest, usually resulting from the slightest bit of attention from the person they are attracted to. Phase One ORP behaviors can include:
• An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.
• An immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility.
• Becoming "hooked on the look" of another, focusing on the person's physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences.
• Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection.
• The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.
PHASE TWO THE ANXIOUS PHASE:
This phase in considered a relational turning point, which usually occurs after a commitment has been made between both parties. Sometimes however, the relationally dependent person will enter into this phase without the presence of a commitment. This happens when the afflicted person creates the illusion of intimacy, regardless of the other person's true feelings. The second phase of ORP behaviors can include:
• Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.
• An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.
• The need to constantly be in contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.
• Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.
• The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.
PHASE THREE THE OBSESSIVE PHASE:
This particular phase represents the rapid escalation of this unhealthy attachment style. It is at this point that obsessive, controlling behaviors reach critical mass, ultimately overwhelming the RD person's life. It is also at this point that the person being controlled begins to pull back and ultimately, severs the relationship. In short, Phase Three is characterized by a total loss of control on the part of the RD person, resulting from extreme anxiety. Usually, the following characteristics are apparent during the third phase of ORP.
• The onset of "tunnel vision," meaning that the relationally dependent person cannot stop thinking about a love interest and required his or her constant attention.
• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest's place of residence or workplace.
• Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.
• "Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where "he or she is supposed to be."
• Physical or electronic monitoring activities, following a love interest's whereabouts throughout the course of a day to discover daily activities.
• Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.
PHASE FOUR DESTRUCTIVE PHASE:
This is the final phase of Obsessive Relational Progression. It represents the destruction of the relationship, due to phase three behaviors, which have caused a love interest to understandably flee. For a variety of reasons, this is considered the most dangerous of the four phases, because the RD person suddenly plummets into a deep depression due to the collapse of the relationship. Here are some of the more common behaviors that are exhibited during phase four of ORP:
• Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).
• A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.
• Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.
• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.
• Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".
• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.
SUMMARY
If your behaviors mirrored the various phases or the Obsessive Love Wheel, then it may be time to learn more. Obsessive Relational Progression is a problem that does not get better on its own and does not get better over time. Sadly for many people, the only way they can get off their frenzied wheel is by jumping onto a new one.

See thats I was doing and have been doing for a long time, Hellon, Nicki, Julea, and on and on untill Qin Qi who got me of the drink and back to thinking strate.

[Philosopher]

Love is a complicated thing and can never be understood.
Is love made by chemicals in the brain? Or part of the soul or spiritual personality?

I prefere to believe it's part of the soul personality and not chemicals that makes us who we are...

[lonnarin]

Usually the best thing that gets me through a breakup is getting drunk to the hulkimania song and dancing on the couch in my underwear. You do that for an hour or two, and suddenly you realize that you can finally do something ludicrous without being denied sex. Liberating feeling.

[miltonyorkcastle]

I have the idea that love is in itself neither spiritual or a series of chemical reactions. Rather, that it is a choice. One chooses to love or not to love. Physical attraction has to do with chemicals, and faith to do with spirituality, and both faith and physical attraction can influence the choice of love, but neither define it.

So says the crazy Texan mercenary. :P

And lonnarin, I should shoot you for giving me that mental image.

[SuperMunch]

I read the hulkamania song... I prefer Kane's theme, much darker and wicked.

The wonder of the world is gone I know for sure
All the wonder that I want I found in her

As the hole becomes apart I strike to burn
And no flame returns

Every intuition fails to find it's way
One more table turned around I'm back again

Finding I'm a lost and found when she's not around
When she's not around I feel it coming down

Rest of the lyrics

Passion is a poison, love is the pleasant lingering buzz.

It's all a reaction that wears down during time, seven years some say. You must tend to love (because passion's much to short to be tended to) as one tends to a person, it has needs that aren't your nor your partner's. It's a very tricky concept. There's one final thing us guys have a hard time with, you can't abstract love - it's not a thing you can measure and scale. It's so abstract that it'll drive you mad most of the time and I can give a concrete example:

I'm a good cook, I'm not restaurant quality but I'm pan-continental in my cuisine and I can make anything and I can make it taste good. I used to make the greatest dishes for my wife, I'd spend entire afternoons cooking and she'd enjoy it of course. I'd make pasta from scratch in my own sugo, sashimi, quirera and thick juicy hamburgers. However, the one dish she loves the most is one the easiest I know... Cappelletti in brodo. I don't even have to make the cappelletti, I can use store bought ones! For twenty minutes of my time (and another hour or so cooking, if I'm making my brodo from scratch, which I prefer) I can make my wife happy enough to merit a "go on and play on your computer while I clean up".

The moral is, I could cook like Iron Chef France Hiroyuki Sakai, but what really matter is that she's the happiest with a simple soup that anybody can make.

[darkstorme]

Ah yes.. gourmet cooking as the route to a woman's heart. All for that.

I've been lucky enough to have comfortable clean breaks in my relationships, and am now involved with a lovely girl... happiness, plain and simple.