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05-18-05, 12:19 PM
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#1 | | Ancient Dragon Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 5,221
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|  D&D spells not worth memorizing.
I found this on another forum and found it way funnier than I should have... so, i did the only logical thing. Posted it here! (and removed a few of the ones not worth repeating.)
Acid Trip
Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
Anger God
Animate Bread
Anti-Magic Magic Missle
Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
Bigby's Clenched Teeth
Bigby's Fumbling Hand
Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
Break the Wind
Change Elf
Charm Dead
Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
Create Coat Hanger
Cure Light Winds
Cure Smoked Ham
Deathwish
Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
Detect Detect Spells
Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
Detect Pervert
Detect Self
Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
Enlightening Bolt
Enrage Dragon
ESPN
Evard's Blue Testicles
Explosive Friends
Feign Orgasm
Get Life
Globe of Vulnerability
Guess Alignment
Hair Extension I, II, III
Heel
Hold Bladder
Hold Self
Impress Plants
Improper Suggestion
Invisibility to Dead
Irritate Self
Legend Bore
Leomund's Grass Hut
Lightning Blot
Locate Right Hand
Maggot Missle
Magic Gristle
Mail of the Banshee
Melf's Acid Trip
Mildly Surprising Grasp
Mistaken Identify
Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
Part Hair
Phantasmal Fork
Power Word, NO!
Power Word, Puke
Protection from Self
Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
Remove Hand (yours)
Reservation
Resurrect Living
Sheepskin
Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
Speak With Self
Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
Teleport Without Destination
Teleport Without Terror
Tenser's Formatted Disk
Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
Transmute Rock to Jazz
Unseen Manservant
Wall of Dog
((Originally compiled by Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey (101 Spells Not Worth Memorizing))) |  |   | |
05-19-05, 03:45 AM
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#2 | | Mind Flayer Join Date: Mar 2005
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
hmmm actually I know quite a few people who would love to memorize a few of these....
Resurrect Living: could have used that one myself when I had macro economy classes.
Become Dead: when the above mentioned fails.
Power Word, NO!: When certain people ring your doorbell and wont go away.
Hold Bladder: for those who prefer other more liqiud stimulants.
Hair Extension I, II, III: these ones would fetch a fortune
Speak With Self: often seen used by members of faculty at my grad school.
Drawmij's Instant Coffee: this one be a winner almost up with "create food and waiter"
Detect Self: all i can say is... he he he
acid trip & melf's acid trip: often used together with van Leomund's coffee hut
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05-19-05, 04:07 AM
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#3 | | Administrator Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chicago-ish
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
OMG!!! I am seriously in tears reading those. Way too funny! | | | | |
06-09-05, 10:08 PM
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#4 | | Goblin Welp Join Date: May 2005 Location: Sydney, Australia
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
And I know a few people that would benefit from the "Get life" and "Protection from self" spells.
__________________
"I will kill those who offend me. If I die, then they are forgiven."
This is the true meaning of Honour.
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06-10-05, 12:27 AM
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#5 | | Giant Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Denmark
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
HAHAA! thats hilarious | | | | |
06-10-05, 12:35 AM
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#6 | | Adamantium Golem Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Cape Girardeau, MO
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
I tried to develop a "Circle of protection: Squirrels" in my old PnP campaign, MISERABLY failed some rolls and wound up with a talking squirrel that got me in trouble a few times. Then the orc in my party ate him. Man I miss my wacky old PnP campaign.
Melf's Minute Pizza: When 30 minutes is just too long to wait.
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This above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day; thou canst not then be false to any man.
Polonious to Laureates, Hamlet Act I, Scene III
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06-10-05, 10:08 AM
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#7 | | Recruit Join Date: Jun 2005
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
Power Word: Disrobe - When the wait is just to long  | | | | |
06-10-05, 10:23 AM
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#8 | | Lich Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Fort Mill, South Carolina
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
I dunno I'd like...
Crop Circle: Flattens 1000sq meeters of crops into a random design.
Summon Self: "Yep I'm here alright."
Bannish Wind: For those times when the dwarves just won't hold it in.
Enrage Self: For when you really feel like getting mad at someone, but just can't.
Blow Up: Warning! Keep out of reach of children 6 and under.
Marshmallow Swarm: Err... yummy?
Learn Spell: Cannot use this spell to learn spells other than 'Learn Spell' unless you already know them.
Tenser's Indignation: Hehe...
Flea: Summons swarms of fleas to attack any hairy object it finds. (Warning! Do not cast without Mordenkainen's Insect Repelent)
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"Within lies a well-spring of goodness. Ever dig and it will ever flow." - Marcus Aurelius
"If you are who you should be, you will set the world ablaze." - Pope John Paul II the Great
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06-10-05, 10:59 PM
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#9 | | Mind Flayer Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Pontefract, West Yorkshire, UK
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
*grins* I always thought that the most essential spell would have to be Dispell DM 
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Steve
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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06-11-05, 01:28 AM
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#10 | | Ancient Dragon Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 5,221
Thanks: 16
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
Can't forget Hold and Dominate DM | | | | |
06-11-05, 01:35 AM
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#11 | | | RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
Remove Hand (yours)
I like where my hand is 
And Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
Could've used the word middle instead of finger, as your thumb is, in essence, a finger..
But HAH.
HAHAH.
I can't believe rewritten words could make me chuckle.   | | | | |
06-11-05, 11:57 AM
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#12 | | Ancient Dragon Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 5,221
Thanks: 16
Thanked 48 Times in 31 Posts
| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
The thumb is not technically a finger.
And besides saying "middle finger" makes it far too crude and obvious :P
But I guess if you count from the pinkie you're going to end up at the wrong finger... | | | | |
06-13-05, 08:27 AM
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#13 | | Lich Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: On the moon with the rest of the space kitties
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
*snickers* the bard in my PnP campaign is very scroll/use magic device reliant. I'm going to substitute a few of these in the list for cursed scrolls.
I also have Psychoanalyze without Error as a supernatural ability 1/round. | | | | |
06-13-05, 08:08 PM
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#14 | | Orc of the Black Hand Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: THE GREAT STATE OF CANADA! Oh wait...
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
Quote:
Talan Va'lash - 5/18/2005 2:19 PM
I found this on another forum and found it way funnier than I should have... so, i did the only logical thing. Posted it here! (and removed a few of the ones not worth repeating.)
Acid Trip
Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
Anger God
Animate Bread
Anti-Magic Magic Missle
Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
Bigby's Clenched Teeth
Bigby's Fumbling Hand
Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
Break the Wind
Change Elf
Charm Dead
Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
Create Coat Hanger
Cure Light Winds
Cure Smoked Ham
Deathwish
Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
Detect Detect Spells
Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
Detect Pervert
Detect Self
Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
Enlightening Bolt
Enrage Dragon
ESPN
Evard's Blue Testicles
Explosive Friends
Feign Orgasm
Get Life
Globe of Vulnerability
Guess Alignment
Hair Extension I, II, III
Heel
Hold Bladder
Hold Self
Impress Plants
Improper Suggestion
Invisibility to Dead
Irritate Self
Legend Bore
Leomund's Grass Hut
Lightning Blot
Locate Right Hand
Maggot Missle
Magic Gristle
Mail of the Banshee
Melf's Acid Trip
Mildly Surprising Grasp
Mistaken Identify
Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
Part Hair
Phantasmal Fork
Power Word, NO!
Power Word, Puke
Protection from Self
Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
Remove Hand (yours)
Reservation
Resurrect Living
Sheepskin
Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
Speak With Self
Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
Teleport Without Destination
Teleport Without Terror
Tenser's Formatted Disk
Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
Transmute Rock to Jazz
Unseen Manservant
Wall of Dog
((Originally compiled by Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey (101 Spells Not Worth Memorizing)))
| Some of those could actually be made quite powerful spells, if you think about it.
A few examples:
Acid Trip (If the target fails their DC Check, they lose their feet, becoming partially immobile as if they were encumbered)
Anti-Magic Magic Missle (Instantly Removes all buffs currently on the target, each missle removing one.)
Anger God (Try ing off a god, point, and say, "He did it!")
Bigby's Insulting Hand (The comic equivalent to finger of death!)
Clear Audience (Increases the effect of verbal spells by ten feet!)
Globe of Vulnerability (If targeted on an enemy)
Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife (Break your enemy's heart, making all initiative and "will to live" rolls zero, then kill them!)
Teleport Wthout Destination (Chill in The Void for a while, rest, prepare spells, use the proper teleport spell to go back, and less than a moment in real time will have passed!)
Unseen Manservant (Because everyone wants to summon something invisible, right? If used immediately after killing a creature under the effects of Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife, summons that creature)
And finally, Wall of Dog (The higher the DC Check, the more damage the dog(s) deal. More dogs with higher caster levels up to level 20)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT:
More fun!
Alamir's Fundamental Theorem (If it's the Fundamental Theorem of Magic, then that could be turned into some form of primal energy attack spell???)
Break the Wind (All AOE spells affected by wind are dispelled immediately. Deals 6d12 damage to wind elementals.)
Deathwish (You die, but so do all those within 15 feet of you if they fail a DC Check.)
Detect Lightning Bolts (area 5') (Use immediately after Clear Audience and you can tell if your buddy in the next room is under fire!)
Enrage Dragon (Picture this: some guy, hopefully one of your enemies , is speaking with a dragon. Wait until he says something stupid, then cast this spell to kill him indirectly! Remember to cast Expeditious Retreat on yourself first.)
Explosive Friends (Target a party member, then tell them to go fight without telling them the effects of the spell. Trigger it, with lots of Resurrection spells in pocket, and watch him go BOOM! Along with all the enemies he was just fighting)
Hair Extension I, II, III (Gives an unarmed attack bonus, depending on the spell level, the target being able to use their hair as a whip!)
Part Hair (Use on an enemy under the effects of Hair Extension)
Hehe... | | | | |
06-13-05, 08:17 PM
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#15 | | Mind Flayer Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Washington (East Side)
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
hahahaha...
This is tooo dang funny! | | | | |
06-14-05, 04:33 AM
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#16 | | Orc of the Black Hand Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: THE GREAT STATE OF CANADA! Oh wait...
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
You think this is funny?! You should see the full list! http://www.fantaseum.com/humor/showhumor.asp?rec_id=3 | | | | |
06-14-05, 06:31 AM
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#17 | | Mind Flayer Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Washington (East Side)
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
*laughs and coffee comes out of nose*
Thanks...hahaha..:P | | | | |
06-14-05, 06:39 AM
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#18 | | Adamantium Golem Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
I got to about here
"91Â Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits"
And I couldn't read any more. I fell off my chair and I was crying I was laughing so hard.
roflmao | | | | |
06-14-05, 07:08 AM
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#19 | | Project Team Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Denmark
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
" 224 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...") "
Oh no tears are starting to pour out now...that is so funny! | | | | |
07-07-05, 09:44 PM
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#20 | | Mind Flayer Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Australia - Sydney
Posts: 704
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| RE: D&D spells not worth memorizing.
Bloody hell. Its taken me too long to find this thread. Nice work talen, i havent laughed like this for a while. | | | | |
