An Open Letter to the Canteen Maker

[osxmallard]

Dear Canteen Maker,

You must have had a bunch of drunken monkeys making your last batch of canteens. In fact, that is an
insult to drunken monkeys... surely even they would have a higher standard of quality control and pride
in workmanship than whoever made the shoddy pieces of junk you call a canteen nowadays.

Several problems are evident in your canteen:
1. They leak. All the time. Even on it's initial filling.
2. They are tiny. I can drink 4 of them and still not feel like I am ready to burst.
3. They come in one color. I cannot accessorize!
4. They leak. All the time.
5. They are cheap. Charge a bit more and make a nicer product.
6. They leak. All the time.

I must run through 2 dozen of your silly junk canteens per week!

I have faithfully used your product for many years now, and I cannot with good faith say that I will be
recommending your canteen to new adventurers. How would they feel if I recommeded your product,
only to find that it leaks. All the time? I feel I must turn them onto the joy of a good bottle of eldeberry
or cranberry juice instead of using your excuse you call a canteen.

I ask that you send me replacement canteens for the 34 I have enclosed. Be sure they are of
sufficient size, quality, and a nice designer color (I like red!). Thank you.

Best regards,
Addison Scarlace

[Faldred]

This be why the gods inventud Ale.

- Zug

[SuperMunch]

... Freldo reads the note and says out loud ...

So that's where the invading Haven Mine monkeys went...