I do believe that my statement did ask, would your god hold it against the person who is committing these action or at your expenses.
On the other side of the spectrum there would be a good chance a good align god wouldn't hold it against his cleric, if he saw that his cleric truly acted out of compassion.
Obviously if you're character is following an evil align god, the god would hold it against the cleric even if the cleric did not know.
I think you're putting too much thought into this compassionate ignoramus. I don't think any compassionate god is going to ding a Cleric for being accidentally compassionate to an enemy occasionally, but if it becomes a habit, I'm sure the god would take action to stop that sort of behavior until the Cleric wised up. Gods can't have direct representatives running around being utterly oblivious, after all.
Divine relation is what? A level 0 spell? I would have thought a cleric, champion or whomever is the focus of this debate would/should absolutely make liberal usage of this spell. I don't think I have ever been on an adventure with DMOE's Muireann where she hasn't just either cast this at the very start on someone new to her or asked people point blank who their deity was.Having said that, I'm not sure if the spell works on a raiseable corpse. A question for someone more mechanics savvy that I. If it didn't, maybe an Aeridinte would 'risk it' and raise them but I wouldn't imagine too many clerics of the other God/desses might feel such an obligation.
It CANNOT be emphasized enough then, over and over, that the person on the receiving end of the Divine Relations DOES NOT KNOW IT HAS BEEN CAST. Corba went through this with Jaren, back in the day - she cast it on him and he never let her forget it, reminding her in character that it was "rude". And this was a GM!Divine Relations can't be seen by the recipient. Just keep reminding yourself of that...and use it!
As I see it, the XP penalty from Raise Dead/Ressurection does not come from your god directly (i.e. your god doesn't smite you). Instead, it's the sacrifice parts of your own soul to bring back another. Like... if a huge amount of power had to be channeled somewhere, and if there are no presence of any soulstone, you have to channel that power through yourself, which puts your own soul into strain.And why does the XP become worse the worse the relation between the deities are? Well...Perhaps, if you are trying to ressurect a friendly deity, your own god will "help you a little bit more" compared to when you are ressurecting a unfriendly one!
The choice of whether to have scripted penalties or not is like the choice of whether having scripted quests or DM run ones! The first being 110% fair while the later is surely more fun, even though at times they can be perceived as unfair (like one DM allows X but not Y and another DM allows the opposite)...