Ariel's Unnamed Book

[MJZ]

If only I could think of some way to go about this, better. For once I need the privacy – I’d never really seen its necessity, like this. [There is a blot.] When we’ve been alone – well, I can’t say I’ve been indescribably eloquent, but, there’s dialogue. There’s dialogue.

But, what am I supposed to do when there are a dozen or so strangers of various heights and widths and colours, armed to teeth or barely clad, standing or running or swinging swords all around us? Make eyes and blow him kisses? Let’s not be ridiculous.

And it would help if I didn’t have to keep trying to convince Emwonk that every other thing in the world is not a “bird”! into the fray Poor Mr. Em, I know it’s cruel of me to be so self-preoccupied, but..! Can’t someone else just look after him, sometimes? [A blot.] I’ll ask Ced if he can help me out. I know he wasn’t there at the time.. I wish he had been, even though it would have just added another person.

Gods, do you know what I’m doing, here? I’m being timid. There’s absolutely no other word for it. It's horrible! Soon I’ll be blushing under my scarf and giggling behind my hand. The very thought is making me shudder...

No, it isn’t just timidity, though. I may have a mouth on me, but I don’t have to be told when something’s private. As much as it’s a strength, it’s still a weakness... even I would never want handfuls of strangers to know the details of my heart.

It’s just that it made me want to pull out my hair, when I saw him and could hardly react.
..Soon, Ariel. But don’t you know, I’m so impatient? How soon is soon?                      
 

[The language switches from gnomish to common for the final words.]

 
  Join flows... infinite?

[MJZ]

[The language has returned to Halfling.]


Scorpions. Very big scorpions. Alright, that's one heck of a sad understatement. I couldn't even see the whomping thing's tail, it was absolutely ridiculous!! I hate to sound like a back-water Mistonian (Mistonite?), but everything really is enormous on Dregar. I have no idea how we even managed to down that behemoth - [a blot] it didn't seem as though spells were penetrating that glinting carapace - probably thicker than stone. Then again, maybe it was old and ailing, because the boys didn't seem to have too much trouble hacking it apart at the joints. [A blot] Ugh, it was terrifying. I'm starting to see that when Ced told me the so-called "outside" world was absolutely and completely teeming with vicious monstrosities, he wasn't that far off the mark.

Then again, the "inside" world wasn't exactly empty of them, either. [There is a sizeable ink stain.]

There's something different about our friend Cederic Fennelroot. I can't exactly place what it is. I'd say he was rattled by the fact that my little advent has turned out far more brutal and rather less.. fruitful, than I my prophetic painting had been. But I don't think that's quite it. [A blot.] I mean, I doubt he actually swallowed my interpretation whole, then. He sees corruption and danger everywhere he looks - which I do find rather bizarre, by the way. I look at these things and I see something curious, something - a person, a creature, a twisty tunnel I'd never seen before with an odd damp I'd never felt before, and odd scent I'd never smelt before. How can Ced look at each and every strange new marvel, and see the same old thing? He's so [a blot] set in his ways, like a crotchety old man who refuses to smoke a single leaf of pipeweed unless it came from his own garden. It's as though everything in his mind is absolutely set in walls of stone. Good luck bashing your head against them. Not to mention he gives himself away completely at the first moment - if anyone actually does have any sinister or ulterior motives, he's only calling attention to the fact that he's on the look out. Oh well, that isn't the point.

The point is, there's something... [a blot] that unsettles me. It's not really that he's behaving very differently... he just has this air. As though something's out of place.

Maybe I'm just superimposing my own feelings, though.

Maybe it is starting to get to him. Like Mr. Shiff. I can't think of any way better to calm his fears than to fry things as hard and fast as I can. It unbalances me, though. The sharper, and more violent the stream, the more it thrills me. The more raw the release of energy - electric, burning, arousing, the more I want, the more I want to liberate, engulf and be engulfed.

Which would be very lovely indeed, maybe one day I'll tear a funnel in the plane and torch an entire city to cinders. That would be something.

So here I am, rest. Re-balancing. It seems as though most wizards are all about control, and manipulation. Self-importance. Like father Buinbal with his numbers. It may feel to them as though they're using the energy for their gains, I suppose. But the Weave would be there, even if they weren't.

About all the control I have is keeping the funnel the right size and making sure the target's a monster, and not a friend! You don't "make" it. You let it flow through you.

[MJZ]

[The writing in this entry is hastily done, even more so than usual. Words have been crossed out, trains of thought abandoned. It is clear the author was rattled and agitated when recording her thoughts here. The blots of ink are smaller in size, but far more frequent. Were the words illegible, the author's emotional state would still be apparent, at least.]


I am such an idiot. Strangers saw it. Psychologically crippled strangers saw it. A man from another plane saw it - where in Ilsare's name have I been? I can't possibly be that far lost in the clouds. I can't possibly be that imperceptive. And apparently it's as plain as day.
[INDENT]

"Ariel suffers visual dysfunction, alternate, Cederic suffers communications dysfunction, alternate inclusive dual possibility."
"I see through that fellow like a piece of gnomish glass! Visual dysfunction, indeed!"

[/INDENT] I can't believe him. He's utterly and entirely incapable of expressing one single emotion to me! - No, that's not so, it's just... They can't have expected me to have known this. Would Emwonk, or Mr. Shiff - would they ever suspect their sister of harbouring such hidden feelings? The thought simply does not enter one's mind! No, we don't share any real blood like born siblings do - but we've always been siblings to one another! He's been tagging along behind me for as long as I can remember, and for as long as I can remember, he never once let on his affection flowed in a different sort of stream. It's absolutely absurd.
[INDENT]"Recycle cognition Emwonk perception Eru cat equal bird?  Similar erroneous perception possible Ariel's visual."
[/INDENT] No, I'm not going to blame myself for his inability to speak, act, or emote. What kind of person would keep such a thing hidden, for so many years, for what purpose? Why? Why, Cederic? What would be so very, very hard about dropping the gal a hint, all those many, many times she sought to reassert the nature of your relationship?

"We're the best of friends. Isn't that right, Ced? "
"Yes."

Oh, you're such a charmer!! I know I'm not as blind as a Svirfneblin in the mid-summer dawn. It's obvious he never wanted me to think of him in that manner. For whatever stern, squinty reason that might be. And I'm certain they all feel very sorry for him. Well they shouldn't. He clearly knew what he was doing, and he's been doing it for twenty-nine years. He can keep doing it for another two-hundred and ninety, if he wants to. I don't care.
[INDENT]"For pity's sake! Even Seidahn managed to.. to.."



[/INDENT]

[MJZ]

[The entry below is in Gnomish. The script is far more legible, yet the lettering remains harsher in appearance.]


It isn't so. You haven't "forgotten to consider a variable," as you so sagely put it, tonight. You knew; you've known. You've always known. Let's not be ridiculous. Just where is the need for it, in front of no one but yourself?

And yes, you reasserted it. Why did he always respond in that self-same way? Because you weren't asking. You were asserting. It was always a statement. The only question was if he still understood. Do you hear me, Ced? Yes.

And why? Why, Ariel? Because that's the way it had always been. And nothing was going to change that. And that was alright! It was alright and fine. There were decades upon decades before you - there still are. No one who had known you ever thought you would be the type to settle with but one husband. Even if you wanted to, what a shame for us lads, they'd say. Time was as Prunilla's field - rolling, rolling. A century from now, you thought, perhaps you'll have had your fill of adventures. There was no reason to press on. Ced's patience was just infinite.

And then, he was watching you. Eyes like a sheet of ice, and the depth beneath it. The blue heart of flame. And the frailest touch, that consumed you. That consumes you now, even still, as you think of it.

And all at once, conventions drained from your mind like the blood from your face. I don't need plans. I don't need decades. I hand them over freely, for that one, fleet moment.

I love you, I'd whisper back, even were you deaf, and blind, even had you no heart. I love you...

I don't know why, but I do. And all I can think, is that it's been far longer than "soon."

[MJZ]

[This paper of this entry is heavily charred, the ink barely blotted but scrawled with apparent force and speed. It is in Halfling. Two letters are thrust between the pages following.]

 
That idiot! That colossal, moronic, idiot!! I can’t believe him! I can’t believe he’s actually done this! Turned tail, and fled? From me? Where in all the planes has he gone? What in Ilsare’s name got into him?! After all these years, all his days and months and weeks and sleepless nights of paranoid Ariel-sitting, tasting water lest it be poisoned, all those hours upon hours of strenuous squinting and running helter-skelter to my side – after all this, he just – about-face and runs from me?! Because he’s scared?!

Oh Ced, you are a coward! Not only a coward but completely and entirely selfish! And you’re a fool to think you kept anything hidden from me!

All this time, I thought it was understood between us. Now I find out you’ve only half the mind I thought you had! You monstrous oaf – how could you do this to me? And what if something were to happen to me, in your glorious retreat? What if I were killed for lack of a sword between me and some foul beast you always envisioned was headed straight towards me? Then what would you think of yourself? Then what would you do!?

And you couldn’t even look me in the face! You had to use strangers and letters and go skulking about off on ships in the night! Like some bereaved outlaw! After all this time and everything we’ve been through, you can’t even look your Ariel in the face and tell her something!

Cederic Fennelroot, I swear in the name of Ilsare – when I find you, I’m going to brand the word “coward” onto your forehead with my very fingers! So help me!

[MJZ]

[Two letters have been thrust between the following pages. Both show traces of having been previous rolled, for the gentle curling of their edges. One is a dizzying collection of multi-syllabic, technical terms with the occasional proper noun thrown in, that seems to nevertheless bear a message of an emotional sort. The other is a letter written in Halfling, in a steady, squarish hand. Both are addressed to Ariel.]



[INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Dear Ariel,

I cannot stay here any longer. The things I feel inside have been locked-up for so many years already, and now that you are about to find out the truth, I am frightened beyond my wildest dreams of what your reaction may be.

I have been scared all my life. I charge the largest enemy without hesitation, I shield you from any villain without flinching, but I have always been afraid of how you would react were you ever to find out how I feel about you.

I am a coward, and therefore I flee.  You do not need me to protect you any longer. Emwonk, Shiff, and Seidahn. They will all be able to keep you safe and happy. More so than I ever could.

Farewell, Ariel. May your friendship with Emwonk and Shiff keep you safe, and your love for Seidahn bring you happiness.

Forever yours,

Cederic            
[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT]

[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT]

[MJZ]

[In red ink, written in Halfling, the author has addressed a letter. While not free of ink-stains, the script is noticeably more controlled.]


[INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Missus Elia Fennelroot,

You will simply have to forgive me for not writing more often. I know I have not sent word in some time - but I know Cederic is often mailing letters home. Which brings me to my point.

Your son has disappeared. Please, it is as alarming for me to write this as it must be for you to read it. I can't say I know exactly what's gotten into him - and I know you didn't raise him a coward. But there it is, a few off words from one of the friends we've made here, and he's run away in fear of what I will think of him. Can you imagine it, aunty - fear of my opinion has led him to do something so shameful? Guaranteed only to trouble and infuriate me?

Perhaps I'm not being very clear, but the bottom of the matter is that your son has disappeared and left me to the wolves. Needless to say, I'm completely outraged. I wouldn't have expected this of Cederic in three centuries' time.

I have the distinct feeling that he has returned home. It's nearly all he ever spoke of, in any case. If he is there, even as you read this, slap him one, twice, three times from me. And tell him if he's not going to get up on his feet and face both himself and me, I will come down there and fetch him myself. And drag him out in front of all of his cousins and relations!

If you have not heard from him yet, please do let me know when he reaches home.

And you must forgive me for distressing you. How is my dear sister, Juni? Filling you all with migraines and heartache; and tugging and pulling at every nerve available, I hope!


Ilsare keep you all.

                 

A. A.

[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT]