Leaves in the wind.

[Cattery]

A dream, or reality?  After all this time, Maedhras was still uncertain.

Everything was different now, and she was unprepared for the changes this circumstance had forced upon her.  Her Gather had always kept her away from the temptations and corruptions of the villages; she knew that some trading went on between travellers and the Archdruids, but she'd never had anything to do with that.

Yet standing before the dragon, everything had changed.

As bidden, she made her way down that ethereal laneway, her strength and determination coming to her, yet still wondering if it was dream or fantasy.  And into Hlint, only bearing the clothes on her back.

She'd never seen so many buildings so close to one another.  And so many people.  She was lost... adrift... a falling leaf in the wind... and a fish out of water.

If it hadn't been for bumping into a kindly adventurer who was in a similar position to herself, Jasper, she would have been utterly, totally lost.

He introduced her to the concepts of commerce, and their discussions ranged far and wide - on the nature of what it was the dragon wanted from them, why they were chosen, and the strengths each might possess that the dragon prized.

At least she'd found a friend.

[Cattery]

She'd been told a long time before, in the days of her initial Trial of Passage, that she had been born to some group that she knew nothing of, save that the messenger had been a she wolf, who became a human, and then became a minotaur.

She'd told no one, though the knowledge of the riddle that had been presented gnawed at her in the quiet times, even here, in this whole new world - so different, and oddly the same as the one she'd been taken from.  Even in the High Forest Celorin had guided her to - no one was left to make it home, even though the locale was so familiar.  It was home, yet it wasn't.

Yet looking at Arestes - so scared of what he might do, what he was.  Hearing his tale, and understanding, suddenly, at heart what she was - that was a sense of home she'd not had since falling asleep in the Gather that fateful evening.

He was Gifted by Katia, just as she had been told she was.  She'd been born into it, and now the ones who had promised to teach her when the time came were gone.  But there were others, and Arestes no matter his form, was still Arestes.

Just as Maedhras would always be Maedhras.  She wouldn't be afraid, she would just accept the change and embrace it.  And if Jasper couldn't understand... she would have to sorrowfully take that as the way it was.

[Cattery]

It was a moonlit night on the island in the middle of the lake; an idyllic setting for what was a kind of confession.  She hesitantly told Jasper of what she was, and of Arestes' rejection by his friends, so afraid that Jasper too might reject her and what she might become.

But no.  To her astonishment he didn't.  There were arcane spells that did similar, he told her, and as long as she learned to control it, there was nothing to be said about it.

He just accepted it, even to her rendition of Arestes' horrible tale of the dreamscape he pulled his friend into.

"You'll know about it, so you can take action against that happening, won't you?" was Jasper's reply.

Her heart lifted at that.  She'd been afraid at heart that Katia's gift would have been considered an abomination to one who didn't quite understand Her way.  Perhaps one day, Jasper and Arestes would speak, and Arestes' heart, too, would be lifted.

Arestes was no monster.  She was no monster.  And Jasper could see that.

[Cattery]

Once she'd learned to embrace the changes into the druidic animal forms Katia had gifted her with instead of fighting it, Maedhras found it much easier to simply be.  Instead of a change happening midsentence; or worse, changing and not even being able to remember what she'd done in that form.  That had happened with Jasper before she'd met Arestes; before she'd learned to accept the gift for what it was.

But now she was wondering if she was truly following Her way in other aspects of her life.  Was she taking too much from the land and not giving back to it?  Was she becoming corrupted by the temptations of the village life?  Was she becoming greedy?

She had to make an effort, and only take what was needed, and no more.  Pelts from people like Jasper and sweet Duur had to be used, and so she would barter for them, but never again would she herself go forth and take more than she could use.

She would try to follow Her way, even now.

[Cattery]

Time to think, time to heal... body and soul.

Increasingly body wasn't as important as soul.  She could feel the changes within her, constantly striving to change, gaining power.  It wouldn't control her, but she was losing her grip on her physical form.  It was becoming immaterial to her whether she was in her old shell, or as the panther, or the bear, or the little badger.

But her other fears were still there no matter the form, and so she left Hlint for the Temple of Katia, finding there a reprise from the demands and greeds of the humanoid form, and found time to simply pray, to simply... be.

[Cattery]

It had been a shock to be told that even Duur hadn't seen Jasper ("Spur" to that gentle giant) in quite some time.  Not that Duur had said so in so many words, but for him to specifically mention it worried Maedhras.

She'd returned to Hlint in a brief visit to cure the hides she'd picked up along the way; Jasper had wanted a number of fire beetle bellies and the pouches made from the badger leather she manufactured, and had made a special hunt to gather such things in the Sielwood.  No more than was needed; never that again, she told herself.

It was with a heavy heart she looked around Hlint for Jasper, the weight of the spoils of her hunt not the only thing slowing her walk.  Yet it was true; he wasn't around the town.

If he'd gone to Fort Hope as was often his wont these days, she wouldn't see him for some time, and the bellies would spoil...  Regretfully she sold them to the pawn broker so that she could move more freely again.

She tried to ignore the little voice that told her, the only reason she'd come back to Hlint at all was to see Jasper, and if he wasn't there, what was she going to do?

But she kept one belly aside... hope springs eternal.

[Cattery]

She didn't belong here in Hlint.

It wasn't anything definable.  The people were just the same, the buildings, the services.  That was probably what made it wrong for her.  She'd not really noticed it before because Jasper had always been around, or she was busy working.

But there was no freedom to move here.  There were buildings all around and they pushed shadows into her daylight.  People were everywhere, always in her space, always bumping into her as she walked through the gates.

Once she'd not have throught twice about changing form and galloping through town as a wolf, or a panther; but one too many call outs of "pretty kitty!" as she went by had finally sunk in that perhaps it wasn't quite what she should do.  Being called a witch; having an orc run away from her - it just served to show how different she was.

There was no room to make big steps here; it was like the tightest, darkest forest where all the trees fight one another to gain the smallest spark of sunlight.

She didn't belong.

[Cattery]

"Always in such a hurry..."  "Running like the wind, that one..."

Every word hurt.  She didn't know why, but it did.

She'd never cared before what others thought.  Honestly there'd been no one else around that weren't of her mindset, and so she hadn't had to care.  But the comments that floated back to her as she ran through the town, delighting in the feeling of the wind in her hair, feeling the power of muscle and sinew that Mother Katia had granted her, stopped her abruptly, and before she knew what she was doing, she was apologising.

She didn't normally run.  She didn't know what had got into her, normally she kept her movements slow and sedate in the towns.  It seemed to be the way they normally comported themselves, these townspeople.

But it wasn't wrong to go against the gifts Katia had granted, surely?  No.

So why did she feel the need to apologise all of a sudden?

[Cattery]

It was eerie, the encounter on that bridge.  An air elemental watching over their movements as they ventured near the Broken Forest.  It spoke - it would protect the forest, it said.

Then, the panther.  It smelt different than others Maedhras had encountered whilst in her own panther form; she couldn't determine what it meant, but it was unusual.  It kept leading their party onwards, ever forwards into the forest, telling her that it wanted them to follow it.

There, the undead had risen and wandered about the forest, tainting it with their unnatural presence.  It sickened her that such a thing could be, just as in the other times she had ventured this far, and she fought them with the Mother's Name on her lips.

Yet when they encountered Celgar who also fought here, and the drow wizard who accompanied him, she was appalled by their disregard of the taint this place had.

"You haven't heard the story." he said.  "The one Master Ozy has told.  This used to be a place of elves...  They are guardians of this place..."

Yet now it was a place of death, and not life, Maedhras thought, her gorge rising in her throat.  The dead should return to the ground so that the trees might grow strong from the food they provide and then die and feed others in their turn, not wander and attack innocent travellers.  And the fact that the story came from the dubious Ozymandias; he, with his cough borne of a shattered body, a shattered soul; made the Forest more a cause celebre for her.

This was a taint the forest itself wanted to be cleansed of.  And if she ever could, she would do it, in Katia's Name.

[Cattery]

"Take no more than you need!"

How often had she abjured others of that these last days?  And how she had grieved the waste of the badger skin as she watched the hunter leave it behind.  So with reverence and thanks to the little body left behind she took it, knowing that it wouldn't be wasted as the hunter had left it to be.

The need to change was starting to grip her again, only just assauged by the panther form, or the bear.  With her retreat away from thew towns, returning only to trade or work on her leather crafting (and to see Jasper, a small part of her heart reminded her.  She remembered still how relieved she'd been to see him again - but ached when she remembered how often he asked whether she was alright, like there was something wrong.) when she had a piece she needed to make, she could feel her natural inclinations becoming stronger.  Ever since that blessed visit to the Broken Forest...

She was becoming more powerful now, stronger.  At times she could feel her spirit stretching behind her into wings.  At others she could feel her skin flowing, stretching, preparing itself to become something other than this humanoid shell she wore.

If only Arestes was around - then she'd have someone to talk to who knew what would happen to her.

[Cattery]

So much had happened.  Even now it was difficult to comprehend it all, and there were still so many questions...

It had started so simply; a conversation in the Ranger's Vale with her dear friend, Arestes, whom she hadn't seen in so long.  To he, who had had his own problems, it all came out; expressions of doubt, of not knowing her place anywhere, not knowing if she was taking too much of Katia's bounty, of hating the towns...

When Arestes stirred and began healing something beside her just out of her vision, she was startled, and turned to see a badly wounded panther, near exhaustion, by her side.  Its mind was filled with images of pain, suffering; with images of animals and humans being slaughtered, their bodies being left to rot.  Then came images of fire in the High Forest, and finally... and how shocked she was when she saw just who was leading this wanton slaughter.

It was herself.

"No..." she moaned, knowing it had to be untrue, praying it had to be, gripping her head.  How could she have done such things?  Had she done such things?  Could she do such things?  Did she simply just not remember?

Arestes began demanding the panther explain itself, why it was making Maedhras see these things, but still the panther remembered, and she saw destruction, such wanton waste and carnage it almost made her want to be sick.  But then it saw she and Arestes making their ways to the High Forest, and that image hadn't been in its memory of pain.  So, with a final piece of healing and the setting of a guard to the panther that no one further would hurt it, they set out.

All along their paths there were maddened panthers, jaguars, malar panthers...  So many; she loathed killing them, and tried so hard to get her stricken mind to empathise with them, to calm them to peace.  But there were so many, and the Malars were not animals, that the deaths were unavoidable.  They saw through her attempts to sneak by, they found her always, and killed in their madness everyone around them.

Such waste left her heartsick, but the killing continued.  Her head ached, the need to change was so strong that it overtook her.  Thinking she would become a panther as well, to dissuade them from their course perhaps, she changed.  But her spirit flowed wrong, and she grew wings...

She remembered nothing until she awoke upon the ground, Arestes kneeling beside her.  An odd dream, she said.  She'd dreamed she was flying.  "You were.  You changed." he replied with a gentle smile.  "It begins for you."

They continued onwards into the forest after a rest, Maedhras following Arestes' lead.  To the druid in the forest he lead her, who peered at her and began adjuring her to leave as a foul witch, a defilier of the forests.  Horrified, Maedhras stepped back, the panther's memories confirmed in this woman's ire.  So she begged, pleaded with the druid for her to read her mind as a panther, that she could either see the truth of her statements - that she was innocent of this - or could help her to remember the atrocities she'd committed.

It took a lot of convincing, but the druid finally consented.

Abruptly she felt the druid's presence in her mind; penetrating, searching... then a sense of a gateway, a vortex opened up and there was pain, so much pain!  Into the blackness Maedhras stared until blessed relief came and she fainted.

When she stirred, the pain had not abated and she moaned, holding her head in her hands.  Slowly she sat up, seeing nothing.  Beside her Arestes also stirred - what had caused him to fall, she didn't know - and eventually commented that the druid was gone.

It took a while and Arestes' recouperative magics for the pain to lessen, but eventually she struggled to her feet, looking at the spot the druid had been when she smelt smoke.

Turning, she saw it was coming from the Harmony Grove.

Inside?  Madness.

Local townsfolk were burning the place, torches raised high as they declared they must burn all monsters!  Get rid of the freaks!  Arestes shifted into a wyrmling form and doused many of the flames with his icy breath while she stood there, appalled at what was happening around her.  The pain was still there as she intercepted one of them, demanding to know what they were doing.

"You told us to do this, Mistress!" came the reply.

"Then I order you to stop!" she decried, even as Arestes flew about attempting to knock them over.

"But... you told us to.  We have to kill all the freaks!"

'What have I done?', she moaned as she looked about the ashes of the forest, attempting to control her pain and to get her spirit to comply in shifting to the wyrmling form again so she could stop the flames still being spread.

"Stop!" she declared.  "If I've told you to do this then I tell you to stop!"

They did, but not before they'd found that one of the ones who was shifting to attack them in panther form was another druid.

Yet with the flames dying down and the forest permitted to recover, the horror wasn't over.  More townspeople were here, stripped to their underthings, bathing in the blood of downed creatures; here, a dire bear, there, a dire boar.  In trances they welcomed the 'change', lusted after it, made it a foul and tainted thing as they bathed in the helpless creatures' blood.

She shook them, but the only reply she got was "You told us to do this, Mistress.  You told us to welcome the change!"

Arestes knocked the one near the dire bear over, subduing him, and looked up at Maedhras.

"Maedhras... I think we're in your mind.  This is... what you were telling me before..."

She vomited now, sickened to her very soul by what she was witnessing.

Her mind.  And what did these things represent, then?  Was she so greedy, so eager to change that her concern for the rest of Katia's Cycle had fallen by the wayside?

She tore off her cougar leather armour, remembering the hunt which had lead to her crafting it.  Sure, they'd taken only what they needed, but those magnificent creatures had fallen over and over again until they all had so many hides they could barely walk.  Cradling it as a child, she shook her head, all unclad until Arestes - painfully embarassed - asked her to please put something on.  So, she changed into her ceremonial robes.

With appalled eyes she looked at the one by the dire boar, watching him kicking it, calling it a stupid animal.  Had she ever thought such a thing?  Ever been so derogatory to Katia's Design?  Once she would have thought not, but so much else aligned with what Arestes had said...

Yet the change came to this degrader of the Cycle, and she chased the boar about, watching it attack the trees, scarring them with its tusks.

When it was subdued, she turned to Arestes.

"What do I do to fix this?"

"I don't know," Arestes replied.  "If this is your mind, only you know."

She nodded solemnly, preparing herself mentally for the reaffirmation to Katia she was going to have to do.  She'd taken so much from the land, though not herself now, she was beginning to realise.  If she had manifested these horrors, perhaps there was a greater horror about to manifest itself... one in her guise.  It was the only thing which made sense in this senseless place.

It was Arestes' turn to be appalled as she withdrew her skinning knife and nicked her wrist with it, turning the bleeding point upside down to allow her life fluid to drip into the ground.  She had no intention of killing herself, but from Arestes' reaction - snatching up her arm, pressing upon the cut part and forcing healing upon her - one would have thought that was her intent.

"I won't let you do this!" he declared, all his emotion so plain in his face.  She smiled peacefully, attempting to calm him.

"I have no intention of dying, Arestes, but don't you see?  I have taken so much.  I need to give something back to the forest.  My blood will nourish the trees, that the Cycle may continue."

It took much convincing of the gentle Arestes, but she did and was about to thinly cut her wrist again when there came a movement to the south.

She was looking at herself.

"Follow." her sister self said, exactly mirroring her, right down to her ceremonial robes.  Then the image turned and walked away.

Maedhras nodded, finally understanding.  To heal, instead of disgust and loathing, she would have to embrace this ... thing.  This part of herself she'd always denied, always kept in the darkness, in the background.

And so she followed, leaving Arestes and everything behind.

An altar in the forest.  About it, standing in the falling acid rain, a ring of panthers.  Flames erupted from behind the altar, and in the midst of all this... herself.

"Welcome, sister." it mocked.  "Join me.  This place is ours!  We are the heiress to it."

Yet no one owns the land.  Not even Katia Herself.  Maedhras knew this, and knew the level of hubris her mirror image was speaking.  No one had rights here, no one owned it.  At best, they dwelt upon the land for a while, and should always return what they take, lest it rise up against them.

And so this is what she told her, reaching her arms out in sympathy, in welcome, even though her heart quailed in her chest at the things her image was saying.  Destroy the towns?  They encroach upon us and have no rights?

No.  Maedhras replied, feeling confidence and strength flowing through her, finally knowing that she was on solid ground.  For the first time in a very long time, she knew what it was she looked at, and knew what she was and was not.  I will not, and should not.  We shall lead them through education and learning, not with bloodshed.  What will they learn except pain if we kill them?

"If you will not join me, then I will destroy you!" the image screamed.  But now Maedhras could only see this, her destructive side, with pity, and again shook her head.

"No.  You will not.  For in doing so you will only destroy yourself.  Embrace me as I would embrace you, my sister.  I need your strength."

With a strangled cry the mirror image turned to the altar, which flared...

The flames engulfed them both, and though singed, Maedhras was left standing, looking pityingly at her reflection's mangled corpse, her dying scream still lingering in the air.

Thank you, Katia, for your guidance, she thought, feeling strength flowing through herself.

It had been a trial of faith; in herself and in her world, but she had come through.  In finding her strength, in her teachings all coming together in this moment when she'd looked at her image and realised she could love this part of herself, she had released a curse upon this place.  The panthers were like herself, a cabal of shifters that had been enslaved by an evil force, and thanks to her courage and acceptance of moderation and Katia's Way, they had been released.

They offered her teachings and membership of their group, and she smiled, asking that they also see her friend Arestes, who had remained behind in the Forest when her sister self appeared.

Alas, there was a taint upon him that precluded them accepting him as one of theirs immediately, yet they admonished him to learn to accept himself, and through that overcome the evil which had touched him.

And so they left this place, and returned to the Harmony Grove for reflection of a different kind and rest.  For Maedhras, change had not come, but acceptance had, and in looking at herself, she'd seen all she was, and learned to love it.

Though the question remained; why had the curse taken her form?

[Cattery]

The town was subtly different as she walked through it. A change in atmosphere, or was it in herself? Probably the latter, she decided, reflecting once more on the choices she'd made and the acceptance she'd found in and of herself.

No longer did she see this place as a place of walls both literal and metaphorical. It was just a town; no more, no less. And while it wasn't a place she'd choose to live in, she could now see its place in the greater cycle. Mother Katia would reclaim it when She could, and wanted to, when the people who dwelt here had no more use for it. The roads would become choked with grasses and weeds, the houses would fall and trees would come back, when She deemed it so.

For now, it was filled with people who had life, had hope; and while they didn't threaten Her works, Maedhras was content. She would teach them of what She was, and what she herself was, in time.

However there was a deeper difference, and it took her a while to notice it.

The faces had changed. No Duur lumbering amiably along, calling her "Rin", offering her pelts. A cluster of rabbelous children ran about playing chasey. And, no Jasper. Something told her that he hadn't been there in quite some time.

It was disappointing, yes, but not rendingly so. Not anymore. She had great need of her friend in her early days, but since meeting her sister self, things had altered. Since that arduous journey with Arestes, she had considered, accepted, and quite literally changed.

She was a shifter now, her birthright inherited. And she flourished in it.

With a gentle smile, she turned her back on the town walls for now, and walked back out into the woods to practise becoming again. Perhaps, she considered, she'd meet Arestes, and they could talk. And perhaps, one day, she could have him glory in his gift the way she now did hers.

She certainly hoped so.