Caerwyn Ahrail'lan - Private Journal

[Cinnabar]

[SIZE=16]* Musing, he ponders "Who will remember my story after I'm gone? A family of my own perhaps, but there is no such now".  After over two years on Mistone, he is at a loss to know where to begin.  Quill in hand, he struggles to order his thoughts;  drawing a deep breath, he begins to write *

My name is Caerwyn Ahrail'lan and I was called to my vocation in my 37th year, in Mar of 1429.  I had spent most of my adult life in the company of soldiers, as a tracker and scout.  With the boyhood training I received at my father's hands and my adult experiences in the field, the choice of Ranger as my calling came naturally.  My time to date here on Mistone has confirmed that choice.  

I began, as so many of the newly called do, in Port Hempstead;  I was aided at the beginning by many, notably Shiff Dragonheart and Rose Blair, as well as a man named Marcus and a dwarf called Skully.  They saw to it that I was properly outfitted and pointed in the right direction.  Since that time I have travelled and mapped much (if not most) of Mistone and have ventured to Alindor, Krashin and the Dragon Isles. I have even been back to Dregar more than once, though most of it seems strangely unfamiliar.

In the course of my travels, I have met many of the summoned;  most have been pleasant enough, some have been kind, and several have been fine comrades. There are only a few however that I would consider close friends.  At the top of that list would be Fianon Brittlebow.  A fellow ranger, he has taught me much of the local forestry, and I in turn, have shared with him my knowledge of matters military.  By now, when we travel together, we think and act almost as one.  In the field, we need few words to cooperate effectively, though by the campfire, our talks have seen many a sunrise.  While we each often go our own ways these days, each time we travel together it's like coming home again;  I would be disconsolate to ever lose Fianon's company.  

Another that I would call friend in the truest sense is Balthazar Woll.  A very clever man and extremely successful scrounger (as he calls his trade), it is Bal who set my feet on the path of making a fairly handsome living gathering saleable commodities.  Teaching by example, he has shown me many areas of Mistone, where to find specific goods, how to draw off those guarding them to be dealt with piecemeal, and how to build a retinue of customers.  He has also been preeminent in pointing me to quests which have helped me to gain both gold and experience.  He and I too have seen more than one sun come up after talking all night, often with me wiping wet cheeks from laughing so hard.  Without his friendship I'm sure I'd be much poorer than I am now, both in my bank account and my soul.  

I would mention two others in this list:  Elohanna Dawnstar and Arynne Liadon.  Each has befriended me in my times of doubt or need, giving sage advice which I try to follow and, on occasion, gifting me with special tools.  I like to think that part of who I am becoming is at their hands.  I strive to be worthy to call each friend.  

And then there are the women.  I am of an age where I long for the lasting love and companionship of a good woman.  And while I have loved fleetingly and lost (twice) since coming to Mistone, in retrospect I have yet to meet one with whom I could share my life.  I will however mention one woman who has become a very dear friend: Hedessa Tanario.  Hedessa is a Priestess of Xeen (with all that entails) but I think our relationship transcends that in an odd way.  While she tries her best to show me the pleasures of Xeen, she is rarely successful, as I value her friendship more.  I find that I am more comfortable in her company than I am with any other woman I've met, whether fighting in the field, drinking at a tavern, or sitting quietly on a mountain top;  I am discovering that the true definition of a lady belies appearances (in either direction).  While our friendship turns more than a few heads I'm sure, I can think of no one else with whom I would rather share my deepest feelings, eventhough she and I will never be romantically involved (again for reasons of her calling). I only hope that a woman with whom I do find love will be able to understand that while I will be hers alone, the deep friendship I have for Hedessa is a great part of my life.  Quite possibly that, in itself, may be a test of whether I have found the right woman to share my life.  


I have found through experience here that my skills lie most in stealth, observation, and tactics. I did not start out with this wisdom, but have had to learn from painful lessons (nothing focuses one's attention like a few visits with the Soul Mother).  I began by behaving like a light infantryman armed with a longbow, following wherever others would lead;  over time I have learned better.  When by myself, I rely on stealth and caution to carefully avoid or dissect the enemy standing between me and my goal.  When in the company of others, I now stay in my rightful place either in the back rank observing the flow of the battle and covering the front rank with my longbow (using my blade only in dire need), or out on point performing stealth reconnaissance and coming back to report what I see.  

I have taken to sitting quietly to analyze each battle just concluded while it is still fresh in my mind.  As a result, I have been able to start building a catalogue in my head of what tactics work (and don't) in a given situation, as well as sound (and poor) applications of individual's capabilities.  Most importantly, I have learned that mission focus is the key;  most failed missions seem to be the result of either disparate and/or poorly understood priorities.  Hunt to hunt, gather to gather, or explore to explore:  failure to adhere to this principal can break a mission, and it seems to be the rare group that can manage more, and certainly not without a common understanding.  

I am quite stunned by the number of times a group is gathered with neither prioritized goals, a tactical plan, an understanding of the party member capacities, or even a briefing before 'going in'.  I find that I am in a minority in this, as many seem to repeat these same errors over and over.  I have begun to encourage others to rethink their approach to battle, with mixed success;  I have come to learn that there are those with whom it is simply unwise to travel, regardless of how pleasant they may otherwise be.  


They say that a man is defined by the company he keeps and what he has learned;  all that is mentioned here has been (and continues to be) instumental in making me who I am and who I am to become.

C.A. Jular 15, 1431[/SIZE]

[Cinnabar]

Over the past months, much has happened both to and around me.  Personally, my fortunes have turned around to a large degree;  through thrift and the beneficence of friends, I am now more than fairly well heeled, with a sum in the bank that two years ago would have beggared my imagination.  I say thrift because with the exception of arrows, bandages, the odd tavern drink, and a few boat tickets, I get all that I need from the land itself these days (the eating has been plain at best and monotonous at worst, and I have become quite the connoisseur of local waters). Memory fails at recalling the taste of food with spices other than wood smoke, I haven't slept under roof in gods know how long, and my clothing, well let's just say that I have not spent any money or time dressing for city life.  I have however been able to acquire lodging with Fianon in a rented room (a bargain as the rent is payable in readily acquirable corn); I spend little time there though and use it primarily for storage.  

The aid of friends has resulted in a growing list customers for gathered commodities.  Balthazar has decided to give up his life of scrounging (so he says, though I suspect that it's only temporarily) and he has sent some of his best customers my direction.  One such is a Wizardess of great power who offered me a large contract which I promptly fulfilled by focusing on it to the exclusion of virtually everything else.  She was a bit stiff in her demeanor initially, but I must say she treated me most fairly, and I even detected some thawing of her attitude towards the end (note:  follow up with her soon, as good customers don't just fall off a wagon).  Elohanna has been gracious in giving me contracts for materials she requires for her scribing and I, in turn, have been gracious about payment:  an arrangement that has worked out well for both of us, I believe.  Word of my 'scrounging' ability seems to have gotten around, as I am beginning to receive unsolicited requests from other people.  I also have been fortunate in getting involved in a cashless arrangement with a friend of Fianon, wherein I supply items on request in exchange for future goods to be made for me.  I believe that this arrangement will finally allow me to have armour with more 'stopping power' than the parchment-thin stuff I currently wear.  

I have also been fortunate in gaining a great deal of experience on quests, both from the local populace and from answering postings.  This has allowed me to increase my skills significantly and given me access to divine spells heretofore unimaginable.  These advances have also put me in a position to upgrade my weaponry:  I have a contract in with a master bowyer for a truly magnificent upgrade to my longbow, and I am now able to both draw the Hunter's bow and make use of the book gifted me by Arynne.  I also am planning to get some enchantment added to my longsword in the immediate future.  

On one such quest, I traveled with a Wizard of some note who, upon hearing that I have aspirations to study the arcane arts, has offered to take me on as an apprentice once I branch my training out from purely Ranger related pursuits;  Aunt Braith would be most pleased (note:  I should send her a letter regarding this and other things).  

As to things happening around me, a curious set of occurrences has transpired.  I met a strange pair on the road near Ft Llast who, quite frankly, made my flesh crawl.  They would not give their names, state their business, nor show their faces, but seemed much interested in local customs.  Shortly thereafter (maybe a week or two) I ran into another strange one (I would call it a Shadow or Shade) on the road in the Goblin Wastes conversing with two passing acquaintances of mine.  I have since seen one of the pair from Llast squiring around other people I know with an arrogance that exceeds the term 'haughty'.  Each of these incidents by itself would bring a yawn to most at best, but I can't help marveling at the time-coincidence of these events both with each other and with other publicly witnessed occurrences of unusual nature.  In my time here on Mistone I have never seen a confluence of events such as these.  I feel duty-bound to try and make sense out of this but I am, as yet, unsure to whom I should report, were I to reach any conclusions.  I have one contact in mind, and will send him a written report if not prohibited from doing so by Wolfswood.  

It is odd how, in spite of oneself, one finds themselves following in their father's footsteps.  Who would have thought that I would be this involved in intelligence gathering and analysis; though I will say that the challenge feels like something I've been training my whole life to meet.  

C.A. Seplar 4, 1431

[Cinnabar]

* He pens a letter to his Aunt, written in a clear, flowing script *

Dear Braith,

Autumn has arrived and with it some news you will find pleasing, I hope.  I have decided to pursue in earnest a path you started me upon as a youngster.  I have some more training in my primary vocation to accomplish first, but once that's achieved, I will be branching out (I hesitate to be more specific in writing, but I'm sure you know what I mean).  I have met a man who has offered to take me on as an apprentice sometime next year, and even now is helping me with direction and guidance.  According to him, there is a portal here in Mistone that would transport me directly to the Great Library in Dregar!  He is unsure of the Library's geographic location as he has only visited it by this means, and (I would guess) has kept himself confined within its walls during his visits.  I'm sure you know where it is and, if possible, I would much like to visit with you when I travel there.  

Independent of visits to the Library, I also have a trip to Dregar planned with Hedessa (you will recall that I've mentioned her before).  Our specific destination is a bit of a mystery (as you would expect with Essa) but should we find ourselves close by, I'd like for you to meet her as I'm sure you two would get along quite well.  There is also a trip to the Forest of Fog with a senior ranger being discussed, on which I will make every effort to see you.  

Since I wrote last, I have discovered something which is of great disappointment to me.  Evidently, when Corath was defeated the subsequent prohibition against mixed race offspring extended automatically to those of mixed blood already born.  How could Grandfather not know of this?  You know he and I never saw eye-to-eye on much, including religion, but how could he not have mentioned such a life altering fact?  There are times when I find it difficult to wish him a peaceful rest!  

On a brighter note, as I have gained vocational experience, I have been blessed with an animal companion, a dire wolf whom I have named Thane.  My times in the forest with him at my side are some of the most rewarding experiences in my life so far.  There is a sense of the pack between he and I, a feeling of belonging I had only found before with Ahrail.  (I have had no news of my father since leaving Dregar, but I have not given up hope.  I always have my ear to the ground for hints of his whereabouts and should you get even the smallest, you know to send me word as quickly as you can.  I can be reached here in Mistone at 181 Haven)  

I hope this letter finds you well and still tweaking the tail of convention,

Caerwyn, Seplar 17

[Cinnabar]

As another year comes to a close, I find myself more certain than ever about the paths I have chosen.  Vocationally, I will continue along the Ranger path for a while longer, and then begin other paths as well;  all with the goal of returning to my chosen profession, armed with skills that will enable me to better patrol the forests and roadways and to fight more effectively, when required.  

Arynne has taken an interest in my growth and took me out on a mission to the Dragon Isles to give her a chance to evaluate my capabilities in the field.  Other than an initial mistake of firing before the point man was fully in position on one encounter, and a reconnaissance misread of enemy disposition on another, I think I acquitted myself well.  Afterwards, amid debrief and discussion, she gave me a lesson in the arena in Vehl;  there she graciously credited me with a solid hit (albeit my only hit before she laid me out cold on the floor).  She continues to provide me with guidance in many areas:  from crafting and weapons training to equipment selection and leadership.  I have begun crafting my own arrows which, while a tedious process so far, has already born fruit in increased combat effectiveness.  On her recommend, I have decided on my next shield and set of armor and have arranged for both already.  (I am still awaiting the upgrade for my longbow, but as Sallaron was kind enough to fit my order in right before he intended to go on hiatus, I try to exercise patience)  

While I have yet to formally start my training in the arcane arts, Timulty Keel has begun to point me in the right direction (notably to the Great Library in Dregar) and I have become involved in a small way in his and Elohanna's goal of re-opening a Tower of Learning in Hempstead.  This Collegiate Arcanum is intended to foster continuing education in all forms of magic, and seems to have the support of many practitioners;  negotiations are being opened with Hempstead officials to secure a property to house this effort.  

As to the third path, while my beginning to train in that may be sometime off, Arynne was kind enough to give me letters of introduction for two senior Rangers who have followed the same path themselves.  When next I meet them, I feel I will be in good hands.  

As a side note, I did finally compile my notes on facts and assumptions regarding the unnerving couple I met near Ft Llast this spring and the set of events that I think might be related.  I have since filed a report with someone who will see that it gets to the right people;  perhaps I can finally get to speak directly with those in charge of investigating such matters.  

Socially, after much consideration, I am spending more and more time on my own, both in the usual solitary pursuits of gathering and crafting, as well as in the field.  I still see old friends from time to time and have made a few new ones as well, but I find myself most content when alone in the woods with only Thane for company.  Undoubtedly this will change again, but for now it feels right;  in fact, this recent practice seems oddly to have opened doors to meeting new people, rather than closing them.  

C.A. Declar 26, 1431

[Cinnabar]

1432 has been a year of changes, most of them good, but some not so.  Early in the year, I had a falling out with my dear friend Fianon.  We both began to find our goals diverge and to travel in different circles.  By spring we had come to spend time with each other hardly at all, and through a series of misunderstandings (many of them mine) found ourselves at cross purposes.  We eventually patched things up, but our relationship seems to have permanently changed and not for the better.  

In early spring, I finally got the longbow from Sallaron Tempest I had been anticipating:  It is a fine weapon with substantial knockdown power.  It is a mighty bow indeed and I am quite pleased with it!  I also acquired from Sall a pair of gloves which enable me to travel much more unnoticed and even helps with my ability to reason with the wild animals with whom I come in contact.  All in all, a transaction well worth the not inconsequential price.  

About the same time, I met Elohanna's daughter Nemo, who I think took a bit of a shine to me.  A very nice girl, though different from most, I chose not pursue anything further with her for several reasons, not the least of which is that I had eyes for her cousin Ayana.  I had hoped to try and strike up a conversation with Ayana and see where it led, but alas, her presence on Mistone had become scarce.  Curiously enough though, when I met Nemo, she was in the company of another elven woman unknown to me, one Amanda Coyle.  

Amanda is a wizard of some considerable ability who was spending her time studying in the public square of Hempstead, hoping for news of her long lost younger brother, Lance.  I endeavored to locate him for her, but was able to find little beyond confirming his apparent employment at the Leringard Arms.  However, by summer he had resurfaced and I happened to be present at their reunion outside Hempstead.  To say that Lance Coyle is overprotective of his sister is a gross understatement and he seems to have a view of women I find disturbing.  He apparently thinks a woman's value is limited to 'entertainment' and sees all men's interaction with his big sister through those eyes.  I found out later however that he is a recent widower and perhaps his loss has jaded his attitude.  In any event, his response to the men in his sister's presence was to draw steel and threaten bodily harm;  as I was among those there, suffice it to say that we did not get off to a good start, he and I.  In spite of this, over the course of the year, Amanda and I have become fast friends and have seen each other frequently and corresponded just as often;  I find myself being able to tell her things I wouldn't share with anyone else.  There have been several more incidents with her brother, but Amanda seems to have taken him in hand and he has adopted a sullen, but quiet, belligerence towards me. This may yet come to blows but I sincerely hope it does not!  

With the coming of summer, I was able to purchase and utilize both new armor and blades as well as an oaken shield Fianon made for me.  Armed with new abilities (including a Dire Bear summons I named Grumpy, in honor of Fianon's by then superseded one) and a full panoply of new equipment, I found myself better able to undertake quests, gather commodities for sale, and patrol the forests and roadways on Mistone, Alindor, and the Dragon Isles.  

About this time, several new developments took place.  I had begun to travel with some regularity with an Iradril Arkenrahel, a powerful Spellsword and his companion Aeronn Kirath, a Paladin whom I had known for some time.  In spite of my general prejudices against paladins, I found myself enjoying the company of both Aeronn and another old acquaintance, Lance Stargazer.  It seems that beyond the rhetoric, some paladins, at least, live up to their reputation for unshakeable honor and bravery, and once you get to know them you can find real people under the steel plate.  

I also found that the Red Lights caverns serve as an excellent weapons and tactics range and have taken to soloing there to hone my skills;  it has now become a regular stop of mine for both the training and the ready bandage money available.  In addition, with Arynne's absence during this year, I took it upon myself to do some mentoring of my own.  I have undertaken the guidance of a younger ranger, Leshariel, and have shared with her many of the lessons I have learned both through hard experience and at Arynne's hands.  Leshariel is quick to learn and has benefited, I think, from some trips in the field together, both by ourselves and in the company of others.  I see her confidence growing and believe that she shows good promise.  

The onset of winter brought disturbing news, or more precisely the lack of it:  in Novlar, Fianon Brittlebow ceased to be found on Mistone or the other continents I know.  While we have had our disagreements this year, I was surprised that he left without a word.  I will maintain our rented room in Haven for as long as possible in the hopes of his return, but it is a burden I had not anticipated.  

With the loss of a dear friend, the acquisition of new ones, advances in training, equipment and abilities, the continued pursuit of commodities for handsome profit, and some intelligence work, this has been an extremely full year.  

C.A. Declar 30, 1432

[Cinnabar]

* In the autumn of 1433, he write his Aunt, as he has done so often before *

Dear Braith,

The time has flown by here, and I am progressing well in my vocation;  I am well into the last stage of my training as a Ranger and will be embarking on the next phase of my career early next year.  You were no doubt perplexed by my reference, in an earlier letter, to the Great Library in Dregar;  evidently my source was more that a little unsure of his geography:  The Great Library is on Voltrex, which I'm sure you knew.  I also found out that the trip Hedessa had planned was to Alindor, not Dregar.  And, the trip with my mentor to the Forest of Fog, never materialized largely due to her being fully occupied with other things.  Perhaps now you can understand why I haven't visited you as planned.  I have been to Dregar several times in the last many months, but each time it was a spur of the moment journey with a large group which I'm sure you would not have appreciated descending on you unannounced.  

You will be pleased to hear that I have met someone with whom I am deeply smitten.  Her name is Amanda Coyle and she follows the same discipline as you.  We met in Apreal of last year, and have been seeing each other steadily ever since.  She is a wonder, Braith:  bright (in both senses of the word), beautiful, thoughtful, independent and straight forward;  you'd like her, a lot!  For the first time in a dozen years, I am feeling emotions I thought I would never feel again.  After I lost Delyth, I was sure that I would have to settle for something less to find lasting companionship, but clearly I was wrong;  in many ways Amanda touches my heart even more profoundly.  

Just recently, she and I (along with some others) took a trip to Dregar, wherein Amanda led us across the continent and eventually to Folian's Temple in the Forest of Fog.  A small thing you would think, but the circumstances surrounding the trip point up exactly how thoughtful and caring she is.  You should know that she, like you, is not of a religious persuasion;  yet, knowing mine, she had chosen Folian's Temple as the destination of a trip she had been planning especially for the two of us.  Beyond that, we had recently lost someone we both knew, who (like another in our party) was also a follower of Folian.  Amanda chose to sacrifice the surprise she had been planning for just us in favor of the aptness of the moment for others;  being there, at that time, enabled us to say farewell to the departed in possibly the most appropriate place on Layonara.  Also, I had told Amanda of Delyth, of my losing her to pneumonia when I was away, and of how that had haunted me for years.  My guess is that Amanda surmised that Folian's Temple was one place in which I might find some lasting peace over that.  It was and I did;  standing there in His presence allowed me to close the door on my life with Delyth in serenity, and finally let her go.  

The amazing part, Braith, is that Amanda does things like this often!  And each time I think she has touched my heart more than is possible, she comes along and does something even more considerate and significant.  I very much want you to meet her.

Caerwyn, Oclar 26

[Cinnabar]

This year began in significant ways, and has continued in that manner unabated.  In Jenra, Amanda and I took an extended trip through Alindor, where we were gone for days and not once found ourselves lacking for conversation.  She is such a lovely companion with whom to travel and is much more than the quiet, somewhat bookish, woman she appears;  we think alike on so many levels.  On that trip, it became apparent that we might be heading down a path beyond that of mere friendship;  the time we took to become close friends before considering something more may well have been the wisest decision I have ever been party to.  

Shortly thereafter, I attended a meeting of Rangers in the Wolfswood on Alindor.  Techniques of all types were discussed in an open forum format moderated by Rodlin Serim;  I saw a friendly side of him there I had not seen before (there was even a fishing trip organized by him after the meeting).  Towards the end of the meeting, I, among others, received a gift of a gnomish lens with very useful properties, and there was a lottery for a ring Rodlin had made, which I was fortunate enough to win.  As he handed me the ring, Rodlin intimated privately that I had a future of some note waiting ahead;  stunned does not even begin to describe my feelings at that moment!  

In Febra, Amanda and I again took a trip after which we spent many hours talking on a wide range of subjects from religion to children and everything in between.  It was becoming clear to both of us by then that our feelings were growing, though each of us was reserved about voicing it for our own reasons.  By the advent of spring, I had become sure enough of my own feelings towards her to speak words I had not used for many, many years.  Not since Delyth's death have I felt so deeply about any woman.  And while Amanda was still reticent to declare her feelings for me in words, her treatment of me left no doubt in my mind about where her heart was trying to lead her.  

The spring and summer passed with us seeing each other as often as we could manage and corresponding with each other regularly;  the falcon traffic back and forth between my residence in Haven and hers in Prantz must have appeared to the locals as some sort of confused migration pattern.  It was during this time that I also returned to crafting.  I diligently took up gem working (largely for the profitability of greenstone dust) and got fairly proficient at it;  some have commented to me that the Red Lights must be my second home.  Towards the end of the summer, I embarked on my last phase of Ranger training before beginning to work towards becoming a Wizard;  it is debatable whether it is Amanda or I who is the more excited about that prospect.  

In the autumn, an acquaintance of ours passed away;  seeking solace in travel, we took an impromptu trip to Dregar which ended up in the Forest of Fog at Folian's Temple.  Words cannot do justice to the emotions I felt in the Temple:  standing there for the first time ever beside the woman I love, having the opportunity to say farewell to Abigail in the presence of the God both she and I follow, and finally finding some peace after losing Delyth;  the experience still moves me profoundly even now.  

This winter, I picked wood working back up after a long period of idleness in the craft and have gotten to the point where I can actually fabricate simple arrows with some regularity.  The crafts ancillary to fletching have progressed along nicely as well and I have even taken to using the sawdust to make blank scrolls for Amanda's scribing, thereby improving my cooking skills as well.  And just weeks ago, Amanda sent me a gift that still has me reeling:  a blank spell book for my studies in wizardry with my name on the front cover and a lovely inscription on the final page.  

This has been arguably the best year of my life so far!

C.A. Declar 27, 1433

[Cinnabar]

This is the private journal of Caerwyn Ahrail'lan, begun this day, Seplar 1, 1437.  For almost seven years since coming to Mistone, I had no secrets of my own from the world, or none much worth protecting.  That, however, was then and this is now.  Events began last Novlar, the 14th to be precise, which have affected my life drastically.  It was then that I came in contact with someone who, unbeknownst to me at the time, is the cause of the nightmare my life has become and I fear may bring both my beloved, Amanda Coyle, and myself to ruin.  

That day, on my way to Wayfare from Hempstead, I, in the company of my friend, the barbarian Olmae, came upon a stranger in the Hempstead fields.  He was elven height, face covered, and dressed in dark robes, with a horned cape and/or helmet.  On meetings this person, no names were exchanged, as the tone immediately set by him was one of snide disdain and antagonism.  He disparaged my polite greeting, referred to me as "child" and shortly thereafter offered to cut out my tongue and feed it to my ox, who he felt was blocking his way on the public road.  Olmae and I walked off and proceeded to Wayfare, to tie the ox down there before returning to the pond outside Hempstead to meet Amanda.  As we came back through Hempstead fields, we ran into several people including my old friend Ayana In'Darsus, who called over to me by name;  the dark fellow that Olmae and I had met was still there and, according to Olmae, drew his sword immediately after I passed;  perhaps it was the presence of others that stayed his hand, I don't know.  Why this dark one chose to draw steel at that point, when he could have easily done so at our first meeting earlier, with fewer people about, I can only assume was do to my name being revealed by Ayana.  Olmae and I proceeded to the pond, and, a short time later, Amanda arrived from the same direction we had come;  she was visibly shaking (though trying to hide the fact), and she kept looking about furtively, as if she feared someone might have followed her there, hidden in some fashion.  

Over the course of the next weeks and months, Amanda's behavior began to change, from sobbing frequently for no immediate reason, to stirring fitfully in my arms while we rested together, to working herself to the point of collapse, to not eating or drinking regularly.  When I would try to find out what was wrong, she would evade, equivocate, or out rightly refuse to discuss it.  The only explanation she has ever given is that she had entered into a bargain with someone who has threatened her into silence;  she has reluctantly admitted that this threat includes the death of either herself, and/or those she cares deeply about, namely her brother Lance and myself, should she say anything about her bargain or the person with whom she made it.  Several months after all this began, we were resting in each others arms in the Whitehorn when she received a message, delivered not by falcon, but by undead messenger bat!.  She immediately arose, announced that she was heading off to Leringard (specifically forbidding me to accompany her), and left, saying she would send word soon and we would continue our walk;  almost day later, I did finally receive a note saying only that she was 'tired' and returning to her home on Dregar. The next time we met, she winced in pain as I brushed the back of her head while putting my arm around her, as I had done so often before;  she again equivocated saying it was nothing, only an little 'accident'.  She has since let slip that the trip she took to Leringard was to pick up some 'protections' she had 'ordered'.  

As a result of these happenings, my concern for the wellbeing of this woman whom I've loved for over four years has driven me (despite her warning against my getting involved) to try to identify the person whom I had met with Olmae, and whom I believed to be the source of her misery.  By offering my description of this person to my friend, Iradril Arkenrahel, I have been able to get a name:  Daralith Del'Mar, a fellow drow Iradril has known off and on for some 20 years.  By scouring Leringard, door to door, I have found that this same Daralith Del'Mar owns a house there (# 133), located in the very area of the city where, when I passed through with her, Amanda became once again agitated and furtive, looking about for someone unseeable by me.  This same Daralith has also publicly answered Amanda's posted advertisement seeking some rings, wherein he refers to her as "my child" and suggests that perhaps it's time she visit him "again".  And, through interviews with Storold Doesscha and Elohanna Dawnstar, I have been able to learn that this Daralith has a long history of luring and/or coercing people into 'business' arrangements, whereby he has sought (often successfully) to place them ever further under his influence and, in some cases, to the point of corrupting them to evil.  Further, he has a reputation of obtaining, whether by coercion or force, bodily material whereby he can scry and possibly compel those who 'work' for him.  I worry now for my beloved's health, her safety, and her very soul!

[Cinnabar]

I am convinced that this Daralith Del'Mar is in fact the one terrorizing Amanda.  I am also convinced that he continues to hold some sway over her;  whenever I would bring up the subject of her troubles, she originally took to picking at her clothes and, since her trip to Leringard, has taken to fiddling with her bracelets instead.  These bracelets, which she once admitted were the ones to which she added the 'protections' she 'purchased', she now claims are merely 'pretty'.  In either case, I believe that she fears anything she says can be monitored by him and that he will retaliate somehow, if he detects something not to his liking.  Anytime I have tried to convince her that she has become involved in something obviously far larger than she, she refuses to entertain the notion of any outside help or even to allow the subject to be mentioned, saying "just stay out of it".  Amanda no doubt thinks she is protecting me and her brother from Daralith (though curiously her friend, Ami, with whom she lives, has never been included as one of his targets for retaliation, perhaps because she is a sorcerer of far greater skill with the Al'Noth than is he).  I cannot seem to get her to see how serious this situation could eventually become, wherein she could lose herself to him or to evil, or to both.  

[Cinnabar]

In past last several months however, Amanda's health and general demeanor have returned to normal, yet she is still not herself again.  She says she is "fine' but continues to show signs that she is living in fear.  She says that her dealings with him are "over with" yet she remains adamant about refusing to allow them to be discussed, saying that talking about them is going to make things much worse than they are.  She claims to have not seen this person for months, yet she is still constantly collecting items at no small risk to her life (notably bodak teeth, which she can't yet make use of herself, from Storan's Crypt, where she has already perished once for this);  the bodak teeth are for 'sale', but out of the 3 boxes she has so far, she is selling but one and at a price well higher that the current market value.  She insists that she can handle this on her own , but then will say "well, I hope it's done".  Inconsistencies like these make me fear that she is either lying or fooling herself and feels herself to be under some permanent and enforceable prohibition.  

How can this Daralith be stopped with her still in his clutches?  How can she be even temporarily freed from his influence when she insists on this wishful thinking?  Can Daralith be permanently removed and can I be present at the event?  Part of me wants to hold his still beating heart in my hands and show it to him before his eyes finally lose their ability to see!  

[Cinnabar]

Absent any progress in reaching though to her in person, I have resorted to sending her a letter in which I lay out the specifics of the process by which people like this operate to ensnare their victims ever further, one small step at a time.  I have since spoken with her, but she still insists that I "just let it go".  I even suggested that there were places where any attempts to monitor her would be blocked, but she ended the conversation there without responding.  She is in grave danger;  why will she not listen?  I tried to get her to see what this has been doing to us, driving us ever further apart; we are in real danger of becoming strangers over this.  We have almost stopped writing to each other. We certainly have very little we can share in conversation anymore with much of her time being spent on things that cannot be discussed. We are ever less affectionate as this nightmare continues, and any talk of our marrying has ceased.  And, worst of all we have both gotten into the business of lying to each other about our respective involvements in this situation;  being straightforward and honest with each other was a basis of our relationship from the very beginning.  Dear gods, can't she see what this is doing to her, to me, and to us?  

I know she needs me to be her Caerwyn again and simply love her as she needs, now more than ever, and I do try.  But that in itself is the worst lie of all:  I am not the same person anymore.  I am becoming ever more bitter as my frustration at her refusal to let me help grows.  I pretend to share her wishful thinking, but all the while I am scheming to try and save her.  I truly fear she may slip beyond anyone's ability to help should this continue for long.  If she knew what I know or that I have involved others in this...  The duplicity I now practice daily is starting to tear me apart.  Sweet Folian help me;  I am beginning to lose my grasp.  

[Cinnabar]

Here we are, a year to the day since this nightmare began, and seeming as if we continue to grow farther apart each time we meet.  Yet about a month ago, Amanda surprised me with an extravagant gift:  four lion bags, each embroidered with my name, plus a leather bound case equivalent in capacity and properties to a malar bag, also labeled.  We had, in a rare pleasant and matter-of-fact conversation months ago, discussed that I much needed some things like this but nothing further had ever been mentioned.  She explained that she had contracted with Tegan to have the four lion bags made and that Tegan herself gifted me the leather bound case.  Amanda said that she was able to pay for all this by providing the materials for the lion bags plus a box of bodak teeth.  Her eyes did smile so very brightly, for the first time in many months, as I opened her gifts;  yet, when we parted shortly thereafter, her demeanor had cooled and she was once again at arms length.  I couldn't help but feel then that she feared she would again soon be directly involved with this Daralith and that this gift from her might have been intended as a final one.  

As I have tried to shake off that dark feeling, I have noted that we were approaching the anniversary of the start of our troubles, Novlar 14.  I know how people like this Daralith operate;  symbols like anniversaries are important to them as a means to remind their victims of exactly how long they have been subjugated.  I fear that he will have called her to him today, and, once reminded, she will have been made to realize that there will be yet another year and another of her continued service to him.  Time will tell, but I believe, deep in what's left of my heart, that the next time Amanda and I meet, she will once again be nervous and evasive, so much unlike the happy woman who gave me such an extraordinary set of treasures a month ago.

As of a week ago, I began to let slip to a few particular people (Ellis Kyudo, Verideth Lightbringer, Aeronn Kirath, and Daniella Stormhaven), that I had an interest in knowing the whereabouts of this Daralith. Those to whom I had spoken over the last six months about the situation with Amanda (Storold Doesscha, Elohanna Dawnstar, Iradril Arkenrahel, Balthazar Woll, and Olmae), I know I can trust to keep silent, but these new ones know only that I am interested in finding Daralith (ostensibly because of his threat to my person alone) and I have full confidence that they will be indiscrete. This should help keep tabs on Daralith and may put him off balance, while I formulate a detailed plan of action to see Amanda freed, even if it should come at the cost of her affection towards me.

As a side note, Ellis commented that Daralith is rumored to be able to make one cut out their own tongue, should he wish them to;  is this one of the holds he has over Amanda?

[Cinnabar]

My fears have so very regrettably turned out to be justified!  I met Amanda on Novlar 22, barely a week after the dreaded 14th.  She was both evasive and nervous, as predicted, but she was also marked!  By looking closely, I could see that she had a small scar on her right cheek. Also, her speech was... odd.  When I asked her about the scar, she said that it was nothing, but I could tell she was lying again;  it seemed to embarrass her greatly as, when friends came upon us, she quickly pulled her hood up to hide it (though Verideth, who was present, spoke to me quietly saying that he had noticed the scar as being something new).  Her speech was thick like that of one with a swollen tongue (Olmae, also present, noticed her odd speech as well) and , when I asked her what happened she dismissed it as her having merely bitten her tongue and that she drank a healing potion to make it better, but I think she was lying there as well.  She kept looking about all the while, as if fearing someone unseen again.  

Once Verideth and Olmae had left, I asked her if she had again met with her tormentor; she became evasive and tried to change the subject.  I am convinced that Daralith had her meet with him again on precisely the 14th, and brutalized her to ensure that she remember that first anniversary for the rest of her life;  I believe the scar on her cheek was intended to be a reminder of his control over her, every time she would stand in front of a mirror!  Moreover, as I thought about it later, I began to wonder if Ellis' rumor could be true, that Daralith can, in fact, compel some people to mutilate themselves, just to let them know exactly how much sway he has over them.  Much later I met with Timulty Keel, my mentor in the study of the Al'Noth, and asked him hypothetically if compulsion like that was possible;  he proceeded to give me a slight demonstration that let me know that indeed it was.  Did Daralith force Amanda to permanently scar her own beautiful face, but in only such a small way as to be noticeable by her and those with exceptional eyesight?  Did he compel her to cut out her own tongue and then allow her to heal it, so that, after a time, only she would ever know what had happened?  This evil bastard is isolating her ever further and raping her emotionally at every turn;  he must be stopped!

We talked at some length after this, and I let her know that I had not been idle and had identified Daralith as her tormentor and knew much of his reputation.  She panicked but did not bolt away as I feared she might;  she asked how I came to know "these things" and I told her that Daralith had made two grievous errors: he accosted me in the Hemp fields, allowing me a physical description with which to pursue a name and he had arrogantly answered her advertisement, using the same tone and wording he had done with me.  I also told her of one Lillian Dartforth whom I understand was once also similarly involved with Daralith and how it forever changed her life, and that of her onetime beloved Lyle Underroot.  Amanda pressed me as to the names of any to whom I had spoken and I lied through my teeth and said only one name, Storold;  again she panicked but seemed to accept that the ship had now already sailed.  

It's possible that by talking to her then, when she was so vulnerable, I have managed to crack her shell a bit and finally have gotten get her to realize that she needs outside help to get out from under Daralith;  I hate myself for having taken advantage of her condition, but this cannot be allowed to go on much longer, or she will be lost to him.  I just received a letter from her as I write this, in which she, for the first time since this all began, admitted that she might have been in error thinking she could protect me from it all, though she still asked that I give her time "to try and end this" herself.  On the other hand, I may have succeeded only in pushing her over the edge to the point where she will flee, as if that could solve anything.  Dear Gods I feel rudderless and adrift!

[Cinnabar]

Amanda found me sitting at the Hempstead fountain, a scarce two weeks later.  She seemed much more like her old self and we had a more normal conversation than we've had in many months;  we talked for the whole day.  She was brighter, more affectionate, and seemed happier, though she still seems doubtful that this nightmare with Daralith may ever end.  I believe she now realizes I am with her in this and that she does, in fact, need help, but she is still frightened of what the future may hold for her and us.  I did not look for the scar on her cheek, for fear of upsetting her, but I will do so the next time I see her.  Amanda's voice had returned to normal, though she still maintains that she had had a swollen tongue and nothing more.  

Verideth came upon us there and he too could see that we seemed more like our old selves together.  In the course of conversation, Verideth offered to make us heal potions for nothing if we would supply him the difficult components.  When I asked Amanda if she still had plenty of bodak teeth left, she looked at me sideways and replied "a few".  Evidently, the boxes of bodak teeth she had been collecting are now gone;  it seems that her myriad trips to Storan's were for Daralith after all!  At a minimum, the three boxes of bodak teeth would have cost Amanda over twenty runs through Storan's; gods know if she 'owes' Daralith more.  

The now absent boxes of bodak teeth make me wonder if the box she used to pay for those wonderful gifts to me six weeks ago, was one of the one's Daralith was expecting.  I suspect that any deal he makes with her does not have a set due date, but that he will call her to him when he feels that she has had enough time to complete her task;  Amanda may well have thought that she could replace the 'embezzled' box, before he summoned her.  When he did call her to him, I have no doubt that he would have used that shortage as his excuse to brutalize her, even though I believe he had already planned it to mark their 'anniversary'.  I can see what may have well been the scene clearly in my mind.  After berating her for not bringing him all that she was supposed to, he would have insisted that she be taught a lesson so that she will learn to respect his wishes more completely in future.  Having compelled her to cut out her own tongue, and once her anguished tears and her blood were running down her face, he would have then 'mercifully' allowed her to heal herself.  He then would have demanded that she cut her cheek "only a little" to reinforce the lesson.  At that point, Amanda would have readily endured that lesser pain, believing that he would 'allow' her to heal that as well, only to find out that "No, you need a lasting reminder of what will happen should you ever fail me again".  It is entirely possible that Amanda was forced to tell him why she was a box short and that the tongue and face mutilations were also intended to instill in her a sense of the folly of having affection for anyone!  Each step he takes is designed, I'm sure, to isolate her further from all but him.  

The more I try to walk around inside Daralith's head, the more I realize what true evil can be and the more determined I become to find some way to free my beloved.

[Cinnabar]

* In Oclar of 1439, Caerwyn retrieves his journal from its hiding place and blows the years of dust off the cover.  Opening it slowly and with reluctance, he sits down to write:  *  

Amanda and I are no more.  Back in the spring of 1438, mere months after showering me with expensive gifts, she informed me, matter of factly, that she no longer wished to become my wife. She still professed undying affection, but told me, in flat tones, that she had more serious matters occupying her thoughts which prevented her from being able to maintain a romantic relationship.  She then wept her crocodile tears and I left, foolishly offering her a chance to try again, if and when she should find herself free from this nightmare in which she had allowed herself to become embroiled. *sighs as he writes*  Serious matters indeed, but it was her, not I, who chose to ignore them for so long, until they became insoluble.  I didn't credit it at the time, but I have since come to wonder exactly how much she was trapped by Daralith and how much by her own desire for power and wealth;  as time has passed, I think it more the latter than the former.  I'm sure that, despite my explicit and repeated warnings, she did not grasp how truly dangerous doing business with Daralith Del'Mar could be;  I'm just as sure that, at least in the initial stages, she was blinded by the promise of what she could acquire through him.  I also am now convinced that her gifts, bestowed months earlier, were intended as some sort of consolation prize for that which she had already decided, though she had the despicable taste to delay until the pond at Hlint.  It seems we had very different definitions of how lovers should treat one another.  

Barely a month later she sent me a letter asking if there wasn't some way we could still be friends and continue to travel together!  After over five years of loving her, I sent a bitter reply to this idiotic suggestion informing her that the chances of that were slim;  I did however (much to my regret now) reiterate my offer to see where we stood should she find herself freed from Daralith's influence, as she claimed she intended to be.  We passed on the road a few times after that and I had nothing to say to her;  I had lost any desire to even acknowledge her presence!.  I then received another letter, this one of curt apology, in which she claimed to understand my feelings and vowed to not contact me again.  Would that she had meant it!  

I spent the next year or so wandering, largely alone.  Old friends and total strangers treated me coldly, as if Amanda's troubles were somehow at my hands;  had any known what I went through over the final two years with Amanda, I think they would have seen it differently.  The silence imposed on Amanda (and by extension on me) by Daralith has left so much unknown to others regarding how it was that she and I had become so estranged:  how I, as her intended, was expected to do something to save her from Daralith, while she lied ever more fluently to impeded my efforts at every turn;  how she begged me to not do anything, as she kept insisting that she would 'handle it' or that he would simply 'get tired of her and move on';  how I struggled to keep loving her as she grew colder and more aloof, even as she continued to profess her affection for me;  how I too had to become mendacious in my efforts to find a solution for her;  how she ended up throwing away our affection for naught, since she is still involved with Daralith.  

It was during this period, that Amanda came to me (despite her promise to leave me be), accusing me of spreading rumors about her turning evil and studying necromancy under a dark elf!  She also revealed what had actually happened on her first 'anniversary' with Daralith:  Evidently, she had attempted to intimidate him into leaving her alone, by telling him that 'someone' had noticed her previous wounds at his hands and had been 'asking questions';  the marked cheek and cut tongue that I (and others) noticed in Wayfare so long ago were the result (it seems my envisionment wasn't very far off).  She also confessed that as a result of this 'silly mistake' of hers, she had given up my name to Daralith;  I was dumbfounded at her accusation and livid at her stupidity, both of which will now have me looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life!  

I have since found out from whence these 'rumors' came.  Evidently, Verideth Lightbringer (to whom I had told my troubles shortly after Amanda and I parted) chose to share what I had told him (in confidence) with his twin brother, Aerimor, renowned for his hatred of both dark elves and necromancy.  Apparently, it was Aerimor who told Amanda (and gods know who else!) that I had been spreading these rumors, feeling that this would somehow get she and I talking again!  I had never used the words 'evil', 'necromancy', or 'study' in reference to Amanda with anyone!  Verideth, like a very few others, including Storold Doesscha, knew (from me) that Daralith was the one tormenting Amanda and that I was furious at her having given up my name to him, but the words 'dark elf', or their implication, never passed my lips to anyone else.  Verideth was abjectly apologetic to me about his breaking our confidence and swore that both he and Aerimor owed me a debt as a result, suggesting I say as much to Aerimor as well.  I followed Verideth's advice, and while Aerimor seemed to agree, the next thing I knew, Amanda was speaking to me yet again about my alleged rumor mongering and telling me that she had made some agreement by which Daralith would 'never come after me';  gods only know what she has chosen to give up to him now, I can think of few things she has left to surrender!  .  It seems that the world is populated with meddlers, who feel it is in their province to interfere in the lives of others, be it Aerimor , Amanda, or whomever.  I suspect that whatever Amanda may have agreed to for my 'safety' will now be to no purpose, as I'm sure these 'rumors' (and their supposed source) have now reached Daralith's long ears.  I hope Aerimor's precious sense of balance is worth it to him;  he has ended up by having me endangered and virtually friendless.  He is also now on my list of those to be repaid someday.  

* Caerwyn jams his quill back in the inkpot, slams the journal shut. Blowing out the candle, he heads for the nearest inn and a stiff drink *

[Cinnabar]

* On New Year's Day of 1441, Caerwyn once again opens his journal to write:  *  

I joined the Orc Basher's Guild, shortly after Amanda and I had parted ways, and have tried to bury myself in work but it hasn't been cathartic as I'd hoped.  As time went on, I too have become colder and more aloof;  I've taken to making a conscious effort to turn my heart to stone;  it will be a long process but numbness seems pretty appealing of late.  Friendship, romance, even companionship hold less attraction for me than they once did; the pain of betrayals is not something I hope to feel again.  In fact, the few new faces who have approached me over the last months have been met with polite indifference.  I've been taking questing work where I can find it, but beyond that, and outside of a few of my old friends who will still speak to me, I'm finding I care less and less about the fates of others, save how it might advantage me.  

The fact that I have yet to see coin-bloody-one from my association with the guild has me more than a little irked.  It's been over two years and all I have to show for it is some new swords and a slightly better suit of armour.  The worst part of it is that, as a guild member, I am prevented (at least publicly) from selling anything I may make directly, which has left me without any appreciable income, save what I can loot from corpses on the battlefield.  I used to be a patient man, but this situation is untenable in the long term.  

I've done some collecting (gratis) for Jilseponie Kendall, in anticipation of one day tapping her for tutelage on advanced archery.  We met (after many years of not running into one another) on a few quests where we conversed at some length;  she seems nice enough and we seem to get on well.  She can be sharp, but I've not yet seen her be so with me, absent good reason;  I'm thinking being instructed by her will be good for me.  In some ways, I suppose I have the collecting I did for her to thank for my having taken up Alchemy, to which I find myself drawn, perhaps even more that working in wood;  *smiles a little as he writes*  I've taken to it with a vengeance!  It dawns on me, that once I've expanded my skills in Alchemy, I might consider branching out into other concoctions;  ones that  have no market with the guild.  

[Cinnabar]

* Once again, in what has come to be a bit of a pattern, Caerwyn retrieves his journal, opens it, and sits to write, on this morning of the first day of 1442:  *  

My work for the guild continues, and is still unsatisfying, both in terms of helping me move on and in terms of remuneration;  I have still not seen a single true coin!  Five months ago, Barion Firesteed passed out of this world and the leadership he had provided to the guild for many years is now absent, a vacuum woefully unfilled.  Decisions regarding pricing, inventory, and what's needed going forward have fallen to Tegan, though apparently, she has other things occupying her time.  I do know two things for fact:  1) in the three and a half years I've been part of this guild, there has not been a single meeting of the membership and 2) the current staffing of the guild stands at a mere five members, with Lance Stargazer and myself as the only ones remotely active;  I have a feeling that whenever it does come time to empty the coffers in a payday, Lance and I will be getting our mere one fifth, if that!  If things don't improve in the next year or so, I shall be seeking a new situation.  

A couple of months ago, Amanda contacted me, yet again, on the subject of my alleged denigration of her and announced her intention to give up her career (I would guess then returning home to her parents, as she had threatened to do once, long before this Daralith nightmare began).  Evidently, she doesn't much like being ignored.  * rolls his eyes*  I sent back a sharp reply, indicating that I had little interest in what she did regarding that, but that she would be mistaken to try and blame her decisions on me!  

The past few months have seen a change in me socially.  I still cannot fully understand what has happened to make old friends like Iellwen stop speaking to me, but I have managed to find others with whom to travel: notably, Sophia, a Xeenite half-elven mage and, of all people, the sorceress, Jaelle Thornwood.  I had occasion to be questing with Jaelle regarding kidnappings in Vehl and got to see a side of her then, that I had not seen previously.  She exhibited a caring for these children (one of whom had been brutally slaughtered, another recovered, two others still missing) of which I had not thought her capable, certainly not to the degree that I witnessed.  I still find it difficult to trust others, women especially, given all that has transpired in my life over the past half decade or so, but their company is pleasant and I do get to travel again.  Jaelle and I are starting to become friends, I think, and Sophia and I... well we are forming a slightly different relationship.  Sophia has many of Hedessa's qualities, but is somewhat darker of temperament;  still and all, she's good company and an interesting time.  These two women are exactly what I need right now, though for very different reasons.  

[Cinnabar]

~ New Year's Day, 1443

The past year has seen a sequence of developments in my life, some better and some worse.  

My education in the weaving of the Al'Noth has progressed to where the spells at my disposal, and their durations, have finally become of actual value to me in the field.  I have also been able to learn how to cast the spells I use, without needing to rely on material components, a welcome change which frees me to experiment more.  

The bloody guild still hasn't ponied up with any payment, and my patience grows increasingly thin with this.  I find myself facing challenges in the field with inferior equipment, which, absent some regular income, I can ill afford to upgrade; I am between a rock and a hard place:  I cannot afford rearm myself in order to collect the resources I need to improve my skills, nor can I afford to simply leave the guild unless and until I get the back pay due me.  That coupled with my being shunned by most of my old friends (assumedly at Amanda's hands, given her continued delusion that I have been impugning her reputation), had me growing increasingly embittered as the year went on.  

As a result, I came very close to succeeding in my efforts to turning my entire being to stone, but for the efforts of Sophia and Jaelle.  Sophia and I became lovers for a time and she revived the passionate side of me I thought long dead.  We both understood that our relationship had little to do with heart and in that regard she was safe for me.  There would be no heartbreak on either side whenever we finally decide to end the affair.  

With Jaelle, it was my mind and conscience that she touched, at least initially.  As the year progressed, she and I came to be quite good friends.  The more I see of her, the more I begin to appreciate her depth.  We seem to truly enjoy each other's company, be it in the field or sitting quietly beside a fire, conversing as ones who have been close for much longer than we have.  Somewhere in the spring, in Mai I think, she and I were at Corax Lake after a disastrous outing fighting giants.  The subject of Amanda came up and I spit out all the venom I had been holding in for so long.  Jaelle brought me up short (as only a good friend can, or will) and made me see that this whole affair surrounding Amanda and Daralith had poisoned me, nearly irrevocably.  As summer passed into fall, Jaelle and I began to slowly take steps with each other that transcended those of mere friendship.  Each of us, I think, goes into this with the full understanding that it may not last;  our only expectations are that we will be honest with each other (about us at least) and that we will travel this road together for only as far as it goes.  

In Oclar, Amanda came to me wanting to talk, again.  *sighs with remembered annoyance*  For the first time, she appeared to show some actual contrition for all that she had put me through.  She went on and on about how much she had cared for me and how it was she that had made a mess of things between us.  She confessed her poor judgment in listening to the words of others regarding me and what she had thought I had been doing to her.  She then turned right around and professed concern for what people have been saying about what I'd supposedly become.  She refused to elaborate but seemed insistent that all I needed was the love of a good woman and I could be happy again;  she is so naive about so many things.  I was firm about how I felt wronged but, taking Jaelle's advice, gave Amanda the absolution for which she had obviously come.  I left her with the clear impression that I no longer held any ill feelings about her and that we might very well be able to be friends again, but, in truth, I doubt if I will ever be able to forgive her.  The woman used me shamelessly for years to fulfill some illusion and only came clean with me once she had found a new illusion, elsewhere.  I truly hope she does get clear of Daralith, but I doubt she ever will, at least not in her soul.  I also doubt she will ever have either the sense or heart to realize what her meteoric rise to proficiency in weaving the Al'Noth has cost, both her and me.  

Towards the end of Decilar, Amanda made a point of coming to me yet again:  this time with the announcement that she and Storold had become romantically involved (hardly a surprise, given his history and hers).  I can think of no reason why she would want to tell me other than to try to cause me more unhappiness, despite her protestations that her telling me was, once again, something she was doing for my own good.  My dear friend, Ayana (one of my few old friends who has stood by me), was beside herself with anger at this, feeling much as I do as to the real reason for the announcement.  I say they deserve each other:  Storold gets the compliant flesh golem he's always wanted and Amanda gets a refreshed illusion of security.  I think it's a toss up as to who is using whom more!  

As the year wound down, Jaelle and I had become a good deal closer, spending a fair amount of time together. She and I saw in the New Year together and, at her suggestion, we came up something that might become an annual ritual for us:  We stood on the pier in Leringard and, having bought two pairs of flowers, we each placed one of them in a flask, along with a private note.  We then tossed our flasks into the sea in unison, as a small sacrifice to the gods for their aid and guidance in the year now ended.  We each kept one the remaining flowers to remind us of the promise of the coming year.  The note in my flask read simply "Today"; this was a significant indicator of where my interests have come to lie.  

[Cinnabar]

~ Augra 28, 1443

I fell today in Storan's Crypt and was visited again by the Soul Wench.  My time in the world becomes ever shorter, and I don't have very many chances left;  perhaps not even enough to accomplish some of the things I wished.  I am greatly embarrassed that, try as I might, I cannot solo in Storan's.  I will see what happens when, and if, I can afford better armour and weapons;  as of now I simply can no longer afford the risk.  This will have some serious implications to my practice of Alchemy but, should the guild pay up as they have promised, I'll be able to pay someone else to risk there lives there, perhaps Elinmire, a competent mage with whom I have had some dealings.  

Early in Jenra, I spoke with Sophia.  Her beloved, Jharl, had returned;  she was no longer  in need of my intimate company and I, as I have told Jaelle, am a 'one woman-at-a-time' man.  Breaking off with Sophia has had some consequences which I hadn't expected but, knowing her, they do make sense.  We still travel together occasionally and are cordial, if not as friendly as I'd hoped, but I am no longer the beneficiary of her wards in battle, unless she has some to spare after warding those with whom she is still intimate.  

Barely two weeks later, Jaelle and I were questing together near Krandor, in pursuit further information regarding the troubles of the Legdinium family in Corsain.  Frustrated with the lack of decision by many of the large party, I went forward to find the mad hermit that we sought.  I missed seeing the runes on the floor and sank, incapacitated, inside what turned out to be a necromantic circle.  I recall being frozen there, barely able to speak back a warning to the others, only to see a young cleric named Malina come into the circle to aid me. When she too sank, as I had, I remember thinking: "Didn't you hear my warning?  What were you thinking?"  And when that idiot Fehriel touched the skull and died on the spot, I had even more unkind thoughts.  It was only when I emerged from the circle to see Jaelle fallen dead, that my sympathies returned.  This 'selective' compassion has been growing in me for some time and, frankly doesn't feel all that wrong to me anymore.  I carried Jaelle's body back out of the cave after the encounter, with little thought for those others that fell, save perhaps Malina, who, though misguided, did try to help me.  

I carried Jaelle's body back to her home in Krandor, seeking Connor's advice and help.  He whisked us through a portal to Leringard and rowed us out to the Temple of Mist.  Jaelle stayed at the Temple of her Goddess three days (as did I), while they worked to revive her and repair what damage they could;  it is still indeterminate how much lasting harm has been done by my carelessness.  On returning to Krandor, we found that all the young children in the town had been visited with terrible dreams (each night that Jaelle was in the Temple of Mist), sent by the one who controlled (or was controlled by) the necromantic circle in that cave:  the shade of one Admun Kretorin, executed as a necromancer 150 years ago.  In these dreams, Admun's shade promised to murder each child he had visited through dreams, should the 'shard' he seeks not be brought to him;  this shard is what we believe is contained as part of the brooch owned by Mirium Legdinium.  Absent the guilt I feel for Jaelle's death, I would not care very much about having crossed Admun, were it not for the fact that three of Krandor's children, now threatened, are ones cared so deeply for and about by Jaelle:  two of the the three children she sacrificed so much to rescue (Lissa and Liam) and her own child, Aislin, who has captured this heart I had feared long dead, as much as her mother has.  While Aislin is not, and will never be, mine, she is one of a bare handful of children for whom I would still give my life to keep safe.  

Sometime in the spring, I heard that Amanda had somehow been able to buy a house for her and Storold, a mere few doors down from where I have lived for a decade, an address she knows very well.  Evidently, she did not feel the need to come to me herself with that!.  The bloody woman will simply not leave me be;  I will have to make some new living arrangements.  

As the year has progressed. the relationship between Jaelle and I has deepened, but hasn't lost the pleasure of simply enjoying each other's company.  Our most intimate moments are often in the most mundane of things:  working together to train her new, hot-tempered, stallion;  engaging in battle, just the two of us;  resting comfortably in each others arms as we talk for hours at a time;  some of our more spectacular arguments. *smiles slightly at the last*  Our fleeting moments of passion are tender, warm (rather than hot), and often full of wonder, as each of us slowly re-learns how to trust in that again, albeit for disparate reasons.  I'm told, by her, that we have become the subject of much rumor and some criticism;  dear gods, do people really not have anything better to do than gossip and meddle?  *shakes his head, sadly*  

Just a few weeks ago, I traveled once again to the Temple of Mist to make an offering for their efforts in restoring Jaelle to life after she fell in that cave near Krandor.  I surrendered one of my most precious possessions, a gift from Master Jin Lun Lee.  I know my faith in Folian has been shaken these last few years, but I hope He will understand.  I remember praying in His Temple, over a year ago:  "It shames me to say that I no longer see the world as I once did and fear I may stray from your path a little from time to time.  Please guide my steps so that I don't stray so very far as to lose Your grace entirely, as I search to find meaning in the world again and to make myself more balanced."  

Life has become too short;  from here forward, unless something will affect me or those people/things about which I care deeply, or there is an outcome that can potentially serve my ends, my days of trying to being friend to most have drawn to a close.  I will continue to be true to close friends but will learn better how to smile and tell others what they wish to hear, though I'm sure my lowered tolerance for the meddlers and idiots of the world will cause the occasional flash of honest temper to show.  

[Cinnabar]

~ New Year's Day, 1445

Much of this past year has been spent in answering calls for aid from locals in and around Mistone.  The plight of the Legdinium family came to a head in the Krandor Crypts.  There, as part of a sizeable party led by Toranites, we met and defeated Admun Kretorin's minions and his shade.  I fell in the process, but the Soul Wench's cold touch did not find me.  Small price to have paid for Aislin's release from Admun's threat;  Jaelle was understandably much relieved.  Of the Legdinium family, we have received no news and I can only hope that with Admun's demise, both Mirium and her child are also freed from his influence.  

The authorities in Mariner's Hold called for help with a sudden spate of deaths and apparent hauntings at the docks there;  many answered, including myself.  Jaelle and Connor Garvil kept most of their efforts between themselves, as is their wont in the field, which did not sit well with many of the party, myself included.  In fact, she and I had had a heated argument a year or so before on the very same subject, when we had gone to investigate the portals which had appeared within the Red Lights caverns.  She was mistaken then to think that my concern was some sort of juvenile desire to demonstrate my affection for her, and I had sent her a sharp letter to that effect.  She had seemed to understand after that, but  *sighs a little*  some things simply don't change.  When she is in the company of her mentor, she tends to forget all around her, including those who came to lend their aid, such as it may be.  That said, the romance between Jaelle and I seems to be continuing forward with each of us letting down our guards a bit more as the months roll by.   I find myself more content with her than I thought I'd be.  

Shortly thereafter, I traveled with Master Jin and Argali Trueaxe to seek some way to restore the potential for couples of mixed races to enjoy the happiness of offspring. We spoke at length with Rithredia (with whom I had conversed before) in Blackthorn Castle seeking a better understanding of the keys that are needed to undo this terrible wrong, but as yet we are still at a loss. Hopefully Master Jin will bring back some clues at a later time.  

My skills in alchemy continue to develop and I find myself succeeding much more than failing these days.  Gods know I've taken enough trips through the Battlehelm Moors for ginger and ginseng.  I am fairly pleased with my progress but, absent being able to acquire bodak teeth on my own, I feel I would be advancing even more quickly.  I have had the occasional trip trough Storan's with Hedessa (whom I had not seen in many years) which has helped somewhat.  I've also been doing some more wood working and have managed to crank out the occasional sheaf of mahogany shafted arrows as well as a mahogany Longbow of the Hunter, made as a gift for a young ranger, Keppli Quickhands, in whom I had long taken a mentor's interest.  Keppli has now surpassed me in the ways of the forest and I felt a 'graduation' gift was in order.  *smiles to himself*  

At the very end of the year, I participated in a martial arts competition in Morholt, where I managed to take second place behind a half giant as I recall.  *chuckles a little*  I also made contact with Chakar of the Angel's guild, testing the waters about my possibly joining their ranks.  He seemed amenable but I asked that they hold off any consideration for a year or so, in order for me to give the Orc Basher's time to adjust to Barion's absence.  We'll see.