Feawen Silimaure - Life's Journey

[Feawen]

My Leaf,

I always hope that I bring peace to you my love, as its my intent to bring contentment to your spirit as best I am able. Please know my love that before you and I can truly be happy together even more so than we already are. You must find peace within. This is why I am so insistent that you try to remember as much as you can, even about your past which I know brings you a great deal of uncertainty and pain right now.

I am also very thrilled that you invite me to go with you different places, as I love spending time with you. Whether that is traveling on grand adventures throughout the lands or on your arm at a dance. I am content either way. From what I have seen of the traditions of this land it is custom to have a new dress for such occassions of dating and I if I am to be honest, well I like the idea of picking out a new dress that you will enjoy seeing me in. I love the way you look at me when you are taken. Though I truly know if I were not even wearing a dress. You would look at me the same. It is I who am honored to be asked by you to such an event.


I Love you my Leaf and I hope that you are at peace right now, content and safe beneath the stars. I am sorry I could not send this particular letter back by Chess, but I thought he would like to travel along with me for awhile and found a falcon who is friends with Chess, who was more than happy to do the task.

Always and Forever,
Your Forest Rose
Feawen

[Feawen]

My Beloved,

I had to write you and ask of what was troubling your mind the other nite when we were with Daniel and others. You mind seemed to be somewhat distant on our adventure that night. The times that we would stop for a quick rest and I would look over to you, I did not get that warm smile in return as I usually do and your attention was elsewhere. Your soothing touch or the occassional quick gentle kiss is what I missed that night as we traveled down into the spider caves.

Then when we left and headed back to Folian's Vale to depart our own ways and you were still not yourself it seemed. You frowned at my offer to walk you home afterwards. I also do believe your home is always with me my Love. Although we are apart for many days on end, I assure you, our home will always be the place that we end up back together again.

The look in your eyes when you spoke of Dan's and Bella's child I could not understand. I did not know if it was longing for our own family or second thoughts somehow. I know we have talked about our family and we will definetely talk more in the future on this. I so do want to raise a family with you someday my Love. For us to be able to take the children on picnics and fishing would be heavenly.

I have dreams somtimes of us doing such that. We have a son and a daughter. I see you sitting in the tall grass weaving your daughter's hair as the wind blows across the fields. The sight of you two together brings tears to my eyes my love, you two are the most beautiful ladies I have ever seen. Then me and the boy and out running around and playing tag and hide and go seek. We all have a fine meal together and we clean up and head back for the night. We walk the trail holding hands as the children run ahead cheerfully. I have had this dream more then once my Forest Rose....more then once.

I have always told you that I want you to confide in me anything that might be puzzling or bothering you on the inside. I am not only the one you fell in love with, but I am also your best friend and I want you to tell me all that you feel.

Please be safe till our arms embrace each other once again.

All my Love,
Leaf

[Feawen]

My Love,

I have been givin that task to fill an entire chest full of Rye grains. The only problem is that i do not know where they grow?

I know that your travels have taken you over may different lands and was wondering if you have come across these types of grains before? When your travels bring you back to me, I was hoping that maybe you could accompany me in the this search? I will gladly split the True with you once I receive payment from Enzo. He is also wanting me to collect another full box of Stirge feathers for him too.

I know that do not value currency much, but this True will help you purchase some things that will help protect you in your travels. If I know that you even just a little more protected from harm's way, I would feel more at ease knowing that you are safe.

All my Love,
Leaf

[Feawen]

My Dearest Leaf,

I have come across them in my travels to Dregar, that is the only place I know they grow near the bugbears there. I know, however that it is a very dangerous trip, and would not feel comfortable with you going it with just me.

What I will offer however is to keep you safe as I can sneak by most anything without much trouble. I will try to help you collect these bits of rye to help you and Enzo accomplish what you need.

Payment however is not required, thoughtful however as it is. I would not ask such to help My Beloved.

All My Love,
Your Forest Rose

[Feawen]

The dream was absolutely unbareable and I know it is only my fear that is trying to grab hold of me. The thoughts of what happened to my mother surfacing in such a way I can not help but try to push it from my mind or else find myself consumed in the nightmares.

I miss my father, and the journey to help My Beloved find his own parents are only reminding me how much I miss him. I want to have children with my beloved but I admit that the dreams... They scare me. I would not have changed a moment that I spent with my father but I do not want my own child to be without a chance to know their mother. I do not want to miss watching my own children grow up.

When I close my eyes though I can see it all happen so slowly, so vividly, and I am alone. The baby comes to soon, and as I look down on my own stomach I see the outline of a face like demon, horribly ugly as blood trails down my legs to the ground below, like it is pouring from me, and the baby comes still born, it is not the only child though, as I cradle the child I have longed to hold lying cold and lifeless in my arms, another pain forces me to my knees as another child is born, one that is recognizeable as complete evil.

I don't know why these dreams are filling my thoughts but I try to steal myself it is only a dream. I have never had dreams like these I can remember as though I am awake and watch it take place right before my eyes. I can see and smell and hear and feel it happening.

Why is this happening to me? I am uncertain.[/FONT]

[Feawen]

The trip to Lans port with my beloved was to be a trip to see the sights, to see the cliffs of a beautiful port along the sea. Another way that I could share with him the home that I grew up in, and how beautiful Alindor is.

What we heard upon our approach though was the thundering of drums filling the air and the preperations for a battle against Trolls. Listening to the captain felt as though the city was very ill prepared for the onslaught that was about to hit this beautiful city, and I could not imagine the devestation that the Trolls would cause, nor the terror that the people could be experiencing at the thought of losing their homes.

The port had of course fought off the Trolls before, and as I went to scout under request of those present, the enormity of what was about to happen gripped me. It was not that I was afraid of dying. Death and I have met intimately many times before, even the Soul mother knows my name.

I was not scared of the upcoming battle, but for the others of the Port, as I crept through the hundreds of Trolls with an ominous feeling that with the few gather troops that the town would fall if we did stand and defend the bridge that would make the Trolls invasion easier. We had to hold the bridge at all costs to protect the Port.

The first wave came as I had never fought so hard in my life, each directed kick more focused than the last, each swing aiming for the most damage that it could, each potion determined to keep my those fighting along side us, alive as long as we could.

The first time the world went black I do not even think I felt the pain, only the blackness and the eventual pull of my consciousness back into my body. I felt weakened and tired, but I could not let even my own situation stop me from protecting those who needed us. So I got back up and went back to fighting side by side with the dwarves, with Kerne, with Yurax, the song of Andrew inspiring and the determination of Galathea encouraging.

The battle regardless of victor was epic and to be part of it was incredible, with the third wave striking though the pain within became unbearable, it was as if their shaman saw directly into my soul and used my nightmare against me, and in that moment I saw the death of my beloved Leaf and I simply could not bare the thought.

It was not long after that Kerne and his mighty Vorax came along and raised the fallen of us, as we again prepared for a battle that never came. As we waited, Andrew tried to encourage us to end the battle once and for all but we were all to worn, to tired to continue, and it seemed as though the Trolls were as well.

Lans Port will surely call on us again, but admittedly for the first time I was simply to tired to try to continue to fight, and was glad to make our way back to Fort Wayfare through portal kindly provided by the people of Lans Port and to make our way back home to the dapple green, where Leaf and I could relax and just collapse into each others arms again.

Dad you would have been proud of your daughter today, she fought with all the strength she could manage and was even inititated as a battle sister by the dwarves. I have never felt more part of something than in the moment Kerne wiped the Troll blood on my forehead and called me a sister.

I miss you Dad and I hope that our paths again meet soon.

Always your Freed Spirit
Feawen Silimaure

[Feawen]

I recently took a trip back to Alindor to see if I could find my father, to hopefully hear even a whisper of his whereabouts, but I had found nothing. It has been so many years without a word from him, and I am concerned that something is wrong.

I do hope to return soon with My Beloved Leaf to again persue the search but I am certain if I continue down this path, worring about something I can not change, it will only end badly.

I do miss my father, but I think I need to find a way to let go too. I love them both dearly and I have to think that my father in his own way is telling me to live my life as a freed spirit.

~Feawen

[Feawen]

Bright Eye, Summer End 23, 1468

How could I think of saying no? I thought when he began to speak of finding someone that he had been looking. I thought that he no longer loved me because I had not been driven by the need to formalize our love in a ceremony.

Yet he asked me! He wants to marry me, he wants to. And now the day is almost upon us. Soon I will be Mrs. ShadowLeaf A'nadivian. Oh Dad! I never expected to fall in love when I left home. I admit my own fear has kept me at a distance from most, my training a convenient excuse, but I love Leaf with all my heart, and I want to be the mother of his children.

Never since you and I traveled together have I felt so loved and cared for. Never have I trusted someone so much with my own life, my own heart, and now I believe we truly have a chance to find a future together. I know it is soon after leaving home, but dad, he is my heart. He knows me truly better than anyone else. He has the most beautiful hair like midnight and in him I find peace and contentment. I find that balance between night and day. I try to prepare now, to find a dress, to find the perfect ring, to write my own wedding vows.

Dad! I am fumbling over my own words! I wish so much you could be here to see your little girl getting married. I wish mom were here too.

I love you dad!

Your Feawen Silimaure[/COLOR][/FONT]

[Feawen]

Gateway, Spring Rain 1, 1469

[/B]
The day we wed a gentle rain and I became Miss ShadowLeaf A'nadivian. I gave away the only gift I could aside from a small golden ring with a perfectly cut diamond set. It was the day that I gave away my name for the only reason that anyone should give away their life, freely, lovingly and to become part of a bigger purpose.

Together we stood beneath the canopy of leaves that protected us from the rain drops, holding tightly to each other hands, gazing warmly at each other as we made our vows to each other. Within I knew how I felt towards My Leaf, and that there were no words that I could find to truly express it, as simply a look conveys how we feel.

But as I listened to him, his soft voice, I could see how much he loves me. I could feel it and I could hear it within me, and each and every word spoken a treasured memory that I will never forget as a moment gifted to me by the wind, and whispered in my soul.

From the moment my eyes first saw you that day in the Moors, without having even met you, I knew that you would become a special part of my life.  It has been 10 years since that day and here we are my Love, standing before friends as our hearts become one.

Feawen Silimaure, I have and always will love you like no other. You are my inspiration, my guiding light and my heaven sent angel.  Since you entered my life, I have come to know and understand the meaning of true love, when you care for your companion more than you do for your own self.

When we are together, we show our love, share our thoughts, ideas, secrets, and we have deep compassion for one another. I vow to keep these things always present in our lives and to keep communications between us ongoing at all times.  There is nothing that I wish not to share with you my Love.

When we are apart, we both know deep down inside that the other one is always with us in spirit. I have come to realize that you and I were destined to come together for a reason.  I have come to understand this as us being each other's soul mate.  I vow to always cherish you and our internal bond together till the day comes when I will take my last breath in this world.

It has become my natural instinct to watch over and protect you from harm's way 'Wen.  This is something I feel very strong about my Love, the sight of you ill, hurt or even sick makes my body feel the same effects.

I am glad that you have trained your body well enough to take care of yourself when I am not with you, but know this, I will always watch over and protect my Forest Rose, even if it means that I shall have to sacrifice my own life to save yours.

There has never been another lady who makes me feel so special on the inside as well as the outside.  Since you became a part of my life 'Wen, I have never had other feelings for another lady, like the feelings I have for you. I vow to never abandon you or have other special relations with another woman.

Not just because it is the considerate thing to do, but just because I have no desire to be with anyone else, I have you, and you are everything in a lady I ever dreamed for.

My most beautiful Feawen, I stand before you here today still sometimes wondering what have I done to be so blessed to have you in my life.  My mother always said to me when I was a young Elf,  "Good things come to those who wait my little Leaf".

10 years ago my wait ended as our hearts came together and now they become unified by the powers granted in the High Protector.  Looking into the future, I see us growing together with love, honesty, empathy,  and the gods willing, a family of our own someday.

I, Shadowleaf A'nadivian, love you Feawen Silimaure, as my confidant, lover, and my soul mate. I consider it an honor to have you as my wife in our journey through life and many years down the road, grow old and watch our children's children grow up and become fine skillful elves such like their parents AND grandparents were.

In that moment my heart was bound to his, and though the words had not been there before that moment, they came in the next as our friend Daniel spoke to wake me to the moment.

My Love, My Windblown Leaf, My Midnight Dream. You came to me a apart of our destiny blown to me by winds of fate neither of us expected. You came to me to make me whole again. I think of our endless possibilities when I gaze into your eyes.

I think of the love of a creator placing the finishing touches on an amazing work of art, and you are that final touch who I treasure each moment with and cherish endlessly. Each moment you show me more and give me insight to a world I never knew before.

Today before our friends, I promise you that I will always love you, that I will always remain faithful and true to you. That I will always support you, that I will tend you when you are sick or just because I know you enjoy it so much.

I will always be patient and understanding. I will always be here for you and love you with a resolve that will never waver.  I promise to be here to kiss away each tear.

I promise that you My Windblown Leaf, to always be true and share with you all of my fears, all of my dreams and to listen always and support you in everything we do. I promise as long as you will have me ShadowLeaf A'nadivian!

Now bound together always, by promise and ceremony ShadowLeaf and I have begun our lives together Father. I wish you could have been here to share the moment with us but I know the moment has not come yet for us to be reunited yet. You and mom are constantly in my thoughts though. I know this letter will find you well and warm. That though your steps are quick, the falcons fly with the aid of the wind to let you know that your little girl is always thinking of you.
[/COLOR][/FONT]

[Feawen]

Mulnari, Augra 16, 1472, at 16:09:45

[/B]

"Breathe, Relax, calm, focus. You can do it Feawen. It will pass." I can hear her reassuring voice over and over again in my mind as the contractions threatened to overwhelm me, and again she was right. Minda's calm voice and gentle grip on my hand there for me, as much as My Beloved Leaf's where, as again I tried to settle back into the bed, as she left for a little bit to check for the sister's arrival.

Something about this time didn't feel the same though, as the pain became more unbearable and closer together. I could feel my beloveds hand gently rubbing my back trying to comfort me and for awhile it to helped but the pain would not go away, and for awhile all I could think about was the pain, I could not even hear him speaking. The pain the fear I was try to keep under control but not even all the training I had could stop the feeling something was wrong, terribly wrong with our precious babies.

As the pain progressed and came closer together the Aeridinite Sisters arrived, and encouraged me to try to breath through the pain rather than holding it, and then the most horrible pain came, as I felt a gush of liquid running down my legs and soaking the cot beneath me.

I could hear voices at a distance, the sounds of Daniel's voice trying to be reassuring, when did he arrive? The sounds of Leaf, of the chatter of the Sisters, and their encouragement but the pain I could not stop and our children were not supposed to be here this soon. Why is this happening to me to our children? I was doing everything I was told, I was following directions as I was told, resting when I was supposed to. I felt like I was on fire and shivering at the same time, and like I didn't have a choice but to focus in the moment as the pain kept me there.

Again the feeling of a contraction came and I could hear the encouragement to push this time. They were coming, much to soon than they should, but I pushed as well as I could, with a determination and strength I am unsure where it came from, but with each contraction I pushed, with Leaf's aid when I felt so tired I couldn't push very well, and then Orion graced us with his presence. I remember wanting so much to hold him, I couldn't hear him crying; I was so scared until they said he was breathing. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms and see his beautiful face. I just knew he would look like his father, with the same beautiful black hair, and the green eyes that I would instantly fall in love with.

But the pain came again and it was all I could think about before I felt myself loosing my hold on the world around me, the blackness and peace of death, a temporary escape from the pain, it must have been the peace that my mother felt and tried to escape to as I was born. Was I dying, were the nightmares to pull me into their embrace? Was it my time too? A golden warmth surrounded me and then the all too familiar pain, welcomed me back into the real world to resume my duties as a mother, my life given back to me through the grace of Toran.

There she is, my beautiful little Rose, a beautiful little girl. I wanted to hold her in my arms but exhaustion embraced me and held me tightly in its arms, as much as I wanted to hold my precious babies. I felt the warmth of the bed embracing me unable to fight the exhaustion. I don't remember much after, I don't remember any dreams. I don't remember hearing the sounds of our baby girl crying, though Leaf tells me that Minda brought her in to feed several times, as her little body demanded it of me.

It wasn't until I was more awake and aware that Leaf finally shared with me the fate of Orion and Hunter, our precious little boys. We had two sons! I do not know what I did wrong, but I feel this pain inside me that I have never felt before and it will not go away. I can see the pain in Leaf's eyes too, sadness, gratefulness and relief seem to reside within his heart too.

I love Melaa with all my heart and I wish that she would have had the chance to know her brothers. She is so beautiful though, so peaceful, so sweet and tiny! I fear to let go of her because she is so small, was I that small when I was born? It doesn't matter. I will protect her and care for her and love her unconditionally.

I can not help but think back to the story Leaf told me long ago that seems perfectly fitting of our little Rose. She is a fighter, yet Delicate in nature, yet strong at heart...


A long time ago a wind set in motion a leaf to come into my life, that leaf was your father, hidden in the shadows until the time was right, and when we both needed each other the most, now you are here with us to love and guide when we need you the most.

Oh Orion and Hunter, I wish I could have had the chance to hold you both, to let you know how much I love you. I know that you both are at peace and where you are meant to be. I will always and forever treasure you and keep you in my heart and a part of me.

You will never be forgotten and always loved by your mother. May your spirits be free and sore high into the beauty of the sky. May your spirits protect and guide your sister, in her life and bring comfort to your father's heart. I know he misses you so much.

All My Love,
Your Mother Feawen[/COLOR][/FONT]

[Feawen]

I miss you father, I wish you were hear to see your beautiful granddaughter Melaa. I miss mom too. I know you two would be so proud of your Son in law too. I know you would embrace Leaf for all he means to me. And I know I am wrong for letting my emotions get the better of me, but I believe it is more important to accept and appreciate how I feel to understand when it is needed. I can tuck them away.

Leaf and I are the new caretakers of the Krandor Hospital, and the sisters who have graciously helped us, have invited me to study under them, so that I may learn more of the healing that I was not able to learn from my brothers. I think it is so very important to grow my knowledge to further understand the path I am walking, and so I am learning alchemy too. I have started to work with making healing drafts.

I also have found that through my understanding of self, that most magic seems to bounce off of me, and that poisons do not usually effect me.

What does effect me is more though is failing others when they count on me most. I travel the lands helping Sir Daniel Benjamin when I can, and others when it is requested. I help Leaf in the hospital and try my hardest to protect our patients as much as I can. It is not always an easy path but father, Melaa is learning, and asking questions though and she is the bright light in our lives. She is so beautiful words can not even describe her. Please Dad, when you can, Please come for a visit. Please let me know you are alright.

All my Love,
~Your Freed Spirit
~Feawen

[Feawen]

My Beloved, I know is discouraged even more so that our dear friend Andrew has been imprisoned while trying to protect his friends in the hospital. The people of the city are distant, reluctant to come close to even Melaa. Her friends that she has made have pulled away and she does not understand.

It pains me deeply that she is hurt, that our cause is hurt, and that our friends are hurt because we failed in our mission to help the city. There is hope though with the open house that we can help reintroduce the hospital to the people. That we can open the doors and dispel the mystery behind the hospital and the work we have done.

I have been keeping with my studies that Clasina and Dorrha have been teaching me, and each day I learn more about healing potions and the herbs that go in each but still it is wearing on all of us.

Clarisse, Elohanna's daughter, and Andrew's Son, Ty have been staying with us also, though Ty I can tell is miserable, Clarisse, Melaa and him have become good friends. They manage to keep their spirits up working together, and playing and Elohanna has also been helping around the hospital as well.

I truly hope that getting out into the community will help restore our reputation and allow the city to know that we are part of them too, and we are grateful to be here among such strong people.

For now I must go as there is much to prepare ahead of the open house.

~Feawen

[Feawen]

It has been awhile since I have taken the time to write in my Journal and Melaa has grown older, and her father more withdrawn it seems. Sometimes for days he locks himself away in his office and barely eats.

I have tried  to get him to go out and see our friends, to open up and tell me what bothers him so but he seems so closed off.

I should seek out our friends, Sehky surely can reach him. They are like brothers, at least they were. It troubles Melaa to see him like this as neither of us understand, and she feels as if it is something she has done wrong.

I can only comfort her, and let her know it is nothing she has done.

Even now sitting by the door, he won't let me in. Where have I failed you my love?

[Anamnesis]

I wished I had better news to give her about the hospital but all I could do was give her the truth. We need her to help strengthen and restore the faith of the people in our mission. She has agreed and so I have sent word to have the locksmith come and change the locks so I can give her and others keys, Leaf's absence.

[Anamnesis]

It is happening through the help and support of my dear Mage Blossom, Celador, through Lynessa's support of my being his assistant, through the generous support of William, a blessed paladin of Toran, the hospital is finally coming back to life from its slumber.

Lady Galathea has returned to offer her aid and support, and I only hope that Glitch'nich will offer his skills as well to support our cause. Though I know their help is voluntary, it is still welcomed, and appreciated greatly.

My little Rose, Melaa is becoming such a beautiful young lady and I think, and I can see her becoming closer to the Sisters, here at the hospital and her interest in healing blossoming as well.

She is always so eager to tell me more of what she has learned. And I know if her father were here she would be telling him everything. I still find it hard sometimes that his path has taken him away from us, but I also understand that he needs to find himself and I am not part of that path, I do hope for Melaa though that he returns because she misses him very much, and its hard for her to understand why he would leave.

Through the sisters insistence and the years that have passed though I have met someone who has captured my heart, again and I find myself surprised at how close we have become in such a short amount of time, but our paths were meant to cross and I am looking forward to sharing my life completely with him.

She carefully tucks his letter to her into her journal before taking out a fresh clean piece of parchment, and dabbing her quill into ink to reply to him

My Dear Mage Blossom,

Your letter reaches Melaa and I, on our way to Mariners Hold as it happens to meet with Andrew, as he has encouraged us to come visit so that he can continue Melaa's lessons, and I can meet with Priestess Elohanna to see if there is anything we may do to help each other.

In short the sisters have insisted we take this trip and get out together to get some sunlight and let them do what they do best in peace. I know this letter will find you well before we arrive and I look forward to hearing all the news you wish to share when we arrive.

Melaa says to tell you also that she misses Lynessa, and to tell Clarisse, she wants to have a tea party when she gets there.

All our love,
Your Desert Rose