What are we ? *His own voice resounding on his mind, as an maddening echo in the silence, filling his thoughts and making him ponder and relive so many memories*
*The man stands looking at the tent and the camp near the tower of Ozlo, so many memories passing thur his mind at once, as if reliving them, so vivid, so alive, pain and joy upon his eyes again, the recent threat made by the very man he was supposed to be serving, the very Captain Andrew from Vehl's guard, and now this.
*He looked upon his hands then towards the mithril Bastard sword that rest near the fire, the flickering quick silver reflecting the flames of the vivid campstite, and now all come to this, what to make of all this, the words of the previous night, then the events of the night, Is he becomming soft? Is he becoming weak? No, he is just now putting into action Equitus teachings.
But all comes to this question, as he looks upon the woman that is resting on the tent..
- What are we? -
**He said in a barely whisper to himself as he return to his position outside the tent, watching and keeping watch, he may return inside, but not now, not till he finishes praying*
*On the journal, with fast and skillfull hand the following draws can be seen *
*Quick notes to follow*
Never thought this would happen to me, its seems to good for even think that i am not dreaming, yet dreams is not what a Chaos hunter should persue, I am failing of the path ? Or maybe,.. just maybe there is still hope for the chaos hunter .
Law order and promises.
*Aesthir sits on his office on the temple, the man is not the same as he has been, his shape leaning on the big chair, seems uneasy, the office seems as usual , but something is amiss, the usual calm and calculating posture of the man seems lacking, as if his drive has stopped for a time, he on the other hand seems quiet and in deep concentration, there are writtings around his desk, treaties of law of diferent kingdoms spread on the page, lots of marks on the pages, and his own notes on the documents , finally a sigh came out of the man lips *
- What are you doing , Aesthir? - *he spoke to himself, this at least this has not changed , its said that your worst critic is yourself, and this had proved specially true for the man in the chair, he had to be perfect, no aiming for a failure , cause everyone would take advantage of that failure, he lived up to that ideal so far, and despite an ocassional mishapp, had worked well for him, he was true to himself all this time, ....
.... Then why he felt this way ?
*He looked down at his journal, the notes of years of investigations, and countless of treaties relied there, on his journals, yet this time he had devoted pages to write about himself, the chaos hunter has to measure himself even harder than those he tries to measure, cause in the power of acting reside the responsability and it carries the lure of corruption, as power usually brings, he read again his notes, he saw the drawing of the feather that had drawn on the side, making a visage out of form and order for his usually tidy and clean reports, he frowned a bit to himself, but then keep reading, his eyes stopped on a paragraph he wrote in the middle.*
- If we act as the enemy, what make us better than them? What difers us from criminals if we use the power to get our way, the fear and the strenght, isn't those the weapons of the ancient enemy? Is this the way you want to be known , Chaos hunter? What example I am giving to those he was teaching? Is this the world I want to create for her ..... ?
*The paragraph ended there, the feather was close to this paragraph, drawn with expert hand and practiced movements, he remembered during the last days most cases on the past, that mercenary in Dregar, the one who carried the massacre and was left to her own design to be dealt by the authorities on Boyer, the cases on the misted Village, he removed his sight from the journal, and turned the chair towards the widow, the silvery light from Ausir reaching thru the window, sleep won't come easy tonight as well . . . .
There is no rest for those who fail themselves ....*
*The image of the woman smiling, the simple life on the farm in a time that doesn't seem to be even real*
*Sudden change to the rigid face of a male dwarven , the man he knew as Equitus *
*Then the flames over the farm, the same passage but all destroyed, the body of Leon falling in the ground, and the last look to his sister*
*The mountains range, where he learned*
*The landscape as he left Western Gate the first time, and the strange cloud that he swore looked lika dragon,. ... Suddenly at this image,, the dragon vanishes and his vision got clouded, all blood on his eyes.*
*The man wake up violently, as the dream transpired , another of those nights, He had lived on the last days in constant remembering of memories, good and bad mixed in a collage of images and feelings, his past, present and what seemed to feel like a doomed future came to him over, he then look down at his hands, there was blood on them, he took a jump back at the realization, for a moemnt the man lost his cool and gave himself a luxury he had not in long years .... to have fear. *
The moment didn't last long, as he regained his focus, something was wrong, and somehow he felt off balance on his own beliefs, he didn't felt good at all with himself right now, and he had to do something, he was no weak man to stay idle upon this, this was a test, it was a well know beliefs and something that his father told him so often . Faith is not for when miracles are abundant, it is for when there seems to be lacking of them, he had to stand up and do something about this, he felt lonely, the great power behind him, had withdran some support, alas, Aesthir was aware, that it was not for power that he did what he did in the past, not this kind of power anyway, he was still a protector, until the trail comes out at least, and he have to beheave as one.
He rose from the bed and walked thru the hallway, he moved and heard the laughter of his many rivals, and yet he stood proud, then stopped, he heard Marion's voice behind him?
- Master is there posible that you don't learn anything? -
*Aesthir turned out, but there was no one there, as the echo of the voice keept sounding on the room , the man frowned, and resumed his walk towards the tub, he lowered his face for a moment, heavy sweat falling from his forehead, as he turn around the corner , he saw a very recent image, laying down there badly wounded, the very Cur Tyra Dragonheart, wounded and ready for the coup de grace, he saw himself as he approached with the blade out and ready to strike the final blow, under the vengeful and stern look of the woman, long ago tried to kill him, he remembered the scene quite well, he didn't know why he didn't stroke the final blow, he instead pulled out a potion, and drop the contents on the wounded body of the woman, during all this time he thought he had an agenda, making the woman owe him, for the humiliation of it, and cover his back if something wrong went with the switch, but, .. what if it was not that, .. what if he just rationalized such .. .
- You should be a paragon of honor and virtue -
*The disembodied voice again, this time with a diferent ring , the voice of the girl known as Gracie, the daughter of Fleur that one who always called him uncle, and now. . well now was complicated, the girl had taken the studies of the dragon and now , was comming for teaching him, he stopped right there, again no body seemed to be the owner of the voice, he frowned and leant on the wall, taking his hand to the head, his breathing seems calm, and normal, his body temperature on the normal range on the close inspection he did, everything was apparently good, maybe something he ate, one of his enemies had poisoned him*
- Looking for enemies everywhere, you will lose the chance to find any friend , you know? -
*This time the merry voice of Fleur came as if spoken to his ear, he turned around his eyes concerned, as he finally spoke*
- Show yourself .... I am not affraid .-
*The silence that followed didn't help the attitude of him, he felt challenged , but at the same time slowly the weights of their words was falling into his mind, he felt empty, he walked forward, and then he saw the shrine to the Dragon he had on his room, the sight usually gave the man some solace, and yet this time , he almost could have sworn, that the dragon frowned at him, he kept walking, but the shrine didn't seem to come closer, he started to run, but to no avail, the dragon seemed to be farther and farther as much as he tried to reach ...
*He heard something on his back, as he turned the three women were standing there* You are not affraid , and that is what doesn't allow you to see ? What use is for a chaos hunter if he can't see his own flaws, you are too proud to accept your failures, yet you feel them, and you can't lie to yourslef, or to .... *the image changed into a majestic huge Gold dragon, which start to soar up in the sky, and going away *
* Yet again the man wake up on his bed.. . sweating badly as the dream ended, for first time in long time. ... Aesthir silently cried*
// This is just the representation of Aesthir subconcious, there is no actual characters or divine intervention intended on the course of this thread, it was just aesthir mind giving understanding forms to an idea on his mind
Guilty!!!
*The voice was heard clearly, each sylabe a stab on his heart, he knew whose charges were put on him, at first he acted without hessitation, but now..... *
*The ceremmony was proper, the Rofirenites would bring a fair judgement and yet a fairer punishment, he never thought to see himself into the predicament he was now, yet he couldn't deny the truth that he was living and aching at this very point, it was noit the fact that he had acted deliberatelly actiong against the rules, it was more the fact that he had broke his own way of living, he had no excuses, he had betrayed himself and all what he represented, and above all things ... he betrayed Him, his lord Rofirein*
*Good will and redeemption he thought to himself, he thought on the betrayer that was Delacroix and how he put his faith on him, "for the right thing",... so foolish... Serves him right for trusting and misreading people, and now it was him who had to deal with the consecuences, he was not affraid ... or was he? ....*
*The sound of the audience came with the veredict, like a dream he listened, for those observing him it was the same Aesthir, calm and precise, his eyes focused on the task, always the perfect posture, yet it was more the force of habit, his mind was blurred, at least part of him, he heard the voices muffled and blured as in a dream, one dream that can wake you up with the strenght of a log hit on your head*
And so he heard the words. .. Guilty.
*He didn't needed to listen it from the voices of the jury to feel about the consecuences, yet now the cycle was closed, The word was heard for second time, Guilty, he closed his eyes for a moment as he heard the punishment, somehow what he expected, alas something rekindled his interest leaving aside all the succor his soul felt.*
*An Alternative ... . it was said. . .The man listened with atention, for one moment the old Aesthir returned to his self, he was somehow amused the oportunity at his disposal, he started to think on stratagems, and tactics, yet the heartache came again.....*
He had been given time to think , his mind and heart repeated the words that Reus had shared with him,
- You must find a way to right your wrongs, but above that you must remain true to your lord, even while doing that-
*The words brought heavy meaning into the man, 10 years would be a lot of time, but if he doubt he'll fail, he smirk a bit to himself, almost as if mockering to the irony of the situation, thinking on how he would have acted with someone other on his position, at that moment he became his worst enemy, his worst critic again, but alas. ... Soon he realized that maybe ... just maybe. . . The Dragon in his wisdom had given him a way of learning. ....
- Things happen for a reason ,*he whispered to himself, he gently took both of the papers that were sit on his desk, reading them, creating mental scenarions, his hand trembled ... the voice of Reus again on his head.. he closed his eyes and prayed, with steady hand holding both papers, he read, over and over , there were not many words, but both papers offered on themselves two diferent paths.. two lives .. diametrally diferent than the others. . . which would be the path to honor and maybe. ...Forgiveness? . ... To be purifyied by fire and reborn, purer than before , and hence forth stronger. .. . or more failure and disgrace on his lord and name ... he closed his eyes again,... the time flown away as he was in deep prayer, and measuring of the options ... he opened his eyes, his choice , his future, and the chances that become better or worse, was in front of him. .. . *
**He looked again at the both documents ... and then he made a choice .......*
*The mood was tense, as the man recieved his new Armor, the work was exquisite, looking dull and dark as he felt during this days, as if rust was covered over the other times shining colors, he had seen the plates woked in good painitng and arrangement, he was of course to represent the guard on the best of his abilities, and had to show the pride of doing it, alas, its not the choice he would have put, but its the choice he has to do. *
*Aesthir looked at the door as he hears a sound, upon waiting for a moment he stood and with calm expression he spoke*
- Come out to sight, you have no reason to hide as a thief would do -
*After a moment the small figure of one young initiate, came out to the the frame of the door, the boy by name Ryan was on his 9th year, and had arrived to the temple for training that very year, Aesthir had a record for him, as he did with the rest of the young recruits, nothing was particularly brillaint about this one, another soul looking the soothing light of the dragon, or another who choosed the service as a way of living, only time will tell, but for now it was interesting to see the young frame of the boy there at his door. Ryan admitedly didn't want to be there, he was at the moment wondering if comming after all was a good idea, but he was there and now he had been seen, a strong desire to run was invading his body, Aesthir reputation was not that good after all, it was said to him that being assigned to him for training was a punishment, obviously this was an exageration, since the man had no rank or file to get training on the temple during that season*
- What we got here ? -
*The man asked in his usual cold way, he enjoyed to put this wall beetwen him and people, looking maybe at times unfriendly, he was not requered to have friends, his path was darker than others, he was there to find justince where others find only the desire to save, ... or was he? That was what he was being taught , that is how he grew, but at that moment, looking upon the armor with the corner of his eyes, he resumed his inspection of the boy, which stood there waiting, the man for a moment, changed his attitude, and come closer, he lowered himself to the height of the young iniitate and looked at him eye to eye, he forced himself into a smile*
- What can do for you, young Ryan? Its there anything you need? -
*The young boy did half step back as the man approached, once he had his attention, there was no way to go away now , the man looked at the boy and remaned in the same "friendly" looking way *
- Sir, Its true that you are leaving the temple? - *The boy asked hessitantly *
*Aesthir was taken off guard by the question, he certainly didn't expect anyone to come and ask this, yet he didn't show any emotion change on his face , he lower his face a bit for a moment, catching up the meaning of the question and the weight on his reply, then he looked again at the boy*
- I am on leave yes, but not leaving the tennets and the oaths if that is what you mean, Our lord teaches us to do what is right, that is why I need to get away of the temple for the time being, Its like a kind of special training, you see? But that doesn't remove the thoughts of our lord from my head or heart, the temple is just stone and people, what is true about our lord are His teachings, those are not carved in this walls, but they should be carved here - *Aesthir placed his hand upon his left side of the chest, where his heart is supposed to be *
*The boy looked at him with an odd look, and daringly faced still his fears and continued with the questioning * - Sir, you don't mind to answer this questions right? , I got told that if i come and ask you things i'd be punished, Keeping the shield up for hours , and such - *The boy finished the questioning and instintively looked towards the hall, as if examining the exits and the fastests ways to get away , the situation needed it *
*The man listened to the boy, sincerity, he thought , refreshing sincerity upon what it was expected of him, the reputation he had build in the temple, and being seen as over righteous, he is a chaos hunter, what could be wrong in that? , The people didn't understand , the shield over your head, the discipline learned from it and how it helps to build muscle, and resilency, he discarded all his thoughts at the moment and returned to the boy*
- You may ask as you wish, do it now while i am still here, maybe later you don't have the chance , Punishment as with the real life, comes from a misaction or lack of action, it comes with a responsablity and we should take it with joy, since its a way to learn and work our duties, Its the nothing else than the consecuences of our actions, the same as a reward for that reason, and If you conduct yourself and your questioning in a way that doesn't breake any law or fail to respect to me, or the gold there is no reason for punishment, instead you may get rewarded - * the man kept his "smiling face" to the boy despite himself, he had listened to his own words there and wondered if the Gold sent this boy to remind him of something, course not , it was a coincidence , but he somehow was thankful of this coincidence.
*The boy looked up and did a step forward once the ghost of punishment was gone, yet still doubtful he returned to the questioning*
- Why is that you are leaving then ? , You are a full protector now, isn't it? Do you requiere more training? , Who is teaching you? -
*Aesthir looked down at the boy, he knew that he'll have a hard time ahead, his will and oaths will be tested by each passing , month day and hour for the next years, a test for sure, and upon watching the boy inocence , he replied sincerly *
- One never finishes one's learning or training, remember that, and there are worse tasks that lifting a shield upon one's shoulders, but every task and learning conveys wisdom and make us more complete, closer to what we are meant to be, at times redefining us, at times putting it us on the right track, In the end it depends on ourselves to use this training and do the choices, I leave ... because i have to , and I need to relearn about myself and service, I leave because its the right thing to do.. and that above all is what Our Lord teaches us, We can at times fall in pride, and that pride make us blind to our mistakes, yet choices come and test us, we have to do what we think its best , and at times that is not enough, on days like that is that we have to stand up to soar in even higher reaches, to reborn in a way. That Ryan is why i need to leave for sometime, To Reborn and relearn what is life, A test that is willingly taken, but not without some hessitation or maybe some fear - *The man replied *
*The boy tilted and looked at him eyewiden* You. .. are you affraid ? *he asked with an incredulous tone on his voice*
*The man smiled and closed his eyes as he thought of what he just said. an opening on his charade, and yet a perfect chance to teach and at the same time , let go a burden long held on his heart , silently he was thankful to this boy*
- We are supposed to be brave , Ryan, but being brave is not , to not to have fear, fear is natural , being brave is to overcome this fear, to do the right thing despite of it, To not let the fear defeat you, Its nothing wrong to be affraid - *he said that , and the words of that echoed into his mind, as if he had just said this to himself* But I need to get ready now Ryan, and don't want you to procastinating any more of your assigned duties, its kitchen this week isn't it? *the man stood as he said this last part and moved back where his things were *
*The boy jumped in his place upon realizing that the man -knew- * -Er. . yes ... yes. . I am sorry Protector, I promise that i did an advance enough to take this time, it ... *Aesthir raised a hand to the boy as the continaul excused came ,then asked the boy* - Would you be so kind to tell me why is that you decided to come today ? -
*The boy looked at him, and was hessitant to speak, then looked up* - The boys dared me to do it, they say that i was not going brave enough to come and speak to you, and they said that i would end the rest of the week with a shield upon my head - * the boy replied honestly, fear again filling his eyes*
*Aesthir nodded without turning his face, Ryan could see the tall protector from one side, as he kept putting order to the table in front of him, a smirk appeared in Aesthir's face* - Honest, I like that, good. Be gone Ryan, return to your chores and think of what happened today, *The boy turned around and start to move, fast, the kind of fast you do when expect someone doesn't change opinion, but the voice of Aesthir stopped him on his tracks * Ryan. ... *The boy stopped , cold sweat running thru his back * ... Thank you *Aesthir said as he returned to his tasks*
**Ryan was surprised by the reply* ..... You welcome .. *He managed to reply before running off the halls, he had no idea why he was being thanked, but better get out of there as his luck lasted *
*The words were spoken gently, the forest breeze singing on their ears *
..... I want to talk with you *The woman said patting the soft ground beside him*
* Never a good sign, the man thought, women .. such fickle and emotional things, the most hard puzzle when comes to understanding, and its usually bad when they want to "talk" *
*Aesthir mind was wondering on the reasons, he had enough changes in his life at that, and somehow this love thing never had been his strong points, he was not affraid , or was he? He had been affraid too much for his own liking on the past month, his dreams had continued as his position in the guard had started, to be able to be out of Velh like in those scarce moments was at times a good chance to get air, as one can take it*
... I want to speak with you about the posibility to move to Vehl or Hempstead ...
*The man heard the words, and somehow a myriad of scenarios came to his mind, his initial thoughts were .. no way .. he was not going to get her or his daughter on danger. .. but suddenly he realized he was falling again on the old mistakes, nothing on his exterior showed this doubt, he was used to measure his thoughts and not show any of them while remaining his neutral posture, he looked at her and just asked to her*
Why ?
*Fleur replied with her usual smile ... Aesthir noticed the way she beheaved not really worrying about any of the percieved problems that Aesthir may see* Cause it would be easier to met .. its going to be long time you'll be in Vehl ... that way we'll see you often ..
*Aesthir couldn't deny that the train of thought that she brought had some logic, there was no single argument he could do speak against that pattern of thought *
I'd rather choose Hempstead that Vehl *That is the only thing he managed to say *
*She nodded with a smile, the song that the forest keep whispering thru the leaves left those two doing plans for the housing, he had to contact some people, and arrange some things ... but definitely doable. .. Time will tell the consecuences of the said actions. *