Author Topic: Journal Fragments of a Drow Ranger (Read 407 times)

hawklen · « **Reply #20 on:** August 10, 2006, 04:42:06 pm »

well well well..got bored, decided to check out the sites ain Xantril..to fort mithrix, who did I see? Ash, my love and Jareg. Haven't seen jareg in ages. Nice to catch him with him..a wander took to a wonderfull time. Ash..jareg invisibled her, and she didnt fight. happy just to be along and doing something..well, as jareg would say.."bad juju"..defeated some giants in the rough lands..sudden, more appeared..jareg fell, I almost made but fell as well..luckily ash had some beryl dust and made it to safety..yelled at me for dying..oh well..back home..

hawklen · « **Reply #21 on:** August 13, 2006, 10:47:38 am »

*leaves a note for ash*

Dear love, I have gone deep intro dregar for meditations. I just need some time to reflect on myself and my path. I shall be back as soon as I can make it. Please be safe.

My love always, nepp

hawklen · « **Reply #22 on:** August 15, 2006, 11:41:42 pm »

*wearly wanders through the harsh desert sands in a tattered cloak. Slips by a group of giants, leaving no traces that he was here*

Dear love, I know this letter wont get to you. Its, basically just to sort my thoughts out. Never been good at writing, or expressing my thoughts. Been thinking of our unborn children. Thinking. Hoping. Will I be able to see them grow up? Will we be there for them? I pray to folian to help me see what I should do, but ofcourse, gods don't take interest in us mortals, its basically up to us to make our own destiny.
The path is my own to make, my own choices, my own mistakes. I don't want to leave our children fatherless. I must hone my skills. I must survive. The desert is a harsh teacher. Hopefully I have learned its lessons, and I can put its teachings to use.

My undying love, gods I miss you so much, and I pray I can be there for the birth. Im not trying to be selfish, I just need to find some answers. If Im not there in time, looks like Im gunna get beat up again..oh well..I hope its a girl..

Nepp'akyo Da'Ladium

...Tear stained parchment, left blowing in the empty wastes

hawklen · « **Reply #23 on:** August 19, 2006, 02:11:41 pm »

I am...home. Saw ash, three children! three! I missed the birth! so beautiful, ash. Peace, Desitiny, and Tear..I am happy..to live for.

hawklen · « **Reply #24 on:** August 22, 2006, 03:12:48 pm »

*just sits in the house, watching the children play, smiling*

hawklen · « **Reply #25 on:** August 23, 2006, 11:13:39 pm »

changing diapers..changing diapers..crawling children, crawling children. No idea why this makes me happy. Diapers. me. heh. *lifts up Peace, looking into his lavendar eyes, tousling his black hair* Dont be a ranger son, choose somethig safer.*sets him down by his sisters, smiling* Tear. her grey eyes remind me of ash. *he kisses them all, and tucks them in to bed* lets see if mommies done her crafting.

hawklen · « **Reply #26 on:** August 29, 2006, 08:59:05 pm »

hrm..interesting trip today..went to the rift with jareg, yard and ael.......all i could do was fire a bow.not good enough for head on battles like im used to.at least I got a diamond out of it..trained with the use of every single weapon, but not the experience to go in the fray with tougher openents..handle haven mine ogres fine by myself..bah..want to be able to do more in dregar, not rely on others for help..

.....cant handle the bandit chief and his minions to get gold ore..killed the leader, bleeding heavily, but one of his minions stabbed me in the back..died..no soul mother..still..always fought head on, used my rangers skills when needed..perfer fighting..need more training..

...parchment shoved into his desk drawer in his room in leilon

*goes to the combat dummy in the leilon house and starts more sword practice for a few hours, muttering, need to get better, for ash, and the kids*

hawklen · « **Reply #27 on:** September 03, 2006, 08:08:50 pm »

..goofing off in hlint..bored, bugging another drow, called my loyal firend kyecoa..some brownies blamed me for another wolf chasing me, left notes in the inn..replied to em stating facts, and being my regular sarcastic self..left one directed at the group blamin me, some dwarf took it up..arena..not much of a fight..hes a fighter..skills I want..was over quick..went to sakura and barions wedding, bruised or cracked ribs, little painfull to move..fine as weddings go..not in a good mood.after the ceremony..food and drink..tried to congradulate kura, didnt hear me or ignored me..even more foul mood..left. off home to destiny, peace and tear.they always make me smile...ash there at wedding..guess shes upset at me..barely said anything..ignored basically..oh well..im tired..i feel old..

hmm..watching kobal fight, stance weapon holding..intersting. ought to try that..

hawklen · « **Reply #28 on:** September 05, 2006, 03:13:49 pm »

*kisses his children and tucks them in for bed. Walks out of the house, trying to smother the old familiar feelings of anger and hate, barely succeeding*

hawklen · « **Reply #29 on:** September 05, 2006, 09:04:19 pm »

So. She left me.Told me she loves me, have to have soemthing to do with me, but cant be with me.Then to top it off, she needs me alive and safe. What is this supposed to mean? And what does "once a wood elf makes you blush.. It's all over supposed to mean aswell? She is confusing. Great anger has started to surface within me. So far I have been able to control it. I shouldnt see the children, see her in them may bring it up. It was foolish to fall in love with a surface elf. I dont know what I wsas thinking. New emotion? Feels like she ripped my heart out. I will have to see what happens next. Maybe she needs time alone? Am I foolish to cling to hope? All I know, is its some wood elfs fault.

*goes to sharping a small dagger, one of the only things from the enternal night he has kept*

hawklen · « **Reply #30 on:** September 07, 2006, 07:33:14 pm »

she found me in haven. Still says she loves me, stay alive for her and the children..but we cant be together? What is happening? My rage wore out after falling to fell giants five times, sadly no soul mother.after weeks of lashing out..it drained away..rhynn's been around, trying to get me back to normal..worked a bit..just so very tired.

hawklen · « **Reply #31 on:** September 09, 2006, 01:22:26 am »

*he opens his eyes to see his three children cleeping, clinging and curled around him, he notices a peice of parchment on his table, slowly without waking them up, he gets up and reads the parchment, tears start to roll down his cheek without him noticing, his anger drains, for the first time in weeks he feels his pain and sorrow, love for his children, and still for ash*

Gods Ash, whats happening to you? The children are never a pain or a burden. Why are you leaving them with me? Don't do anything crazy...

hawklen · « **Reply #32 on:** September 09, 2006, 01:35:47 pm »

*opens his eyes, noticing the children are gone, and more written on the note. He reads it*

*shakes his head*

Tired. so bloody tired. I cannot continue like this. It must stop.

The death from the balor made me feel a little alive. *goes into the hlint house where ash stays and writes a note*

"Ash, died again, flowers by my grave near the balor on Xantril be a nice gesture. - nepp"

hawklen · « **Reply #33 on:** September 09, 2006, 06:20:00 pm »

After the 8th death in a row, ive decieded. Ignore ash. She destroyed me, no use rubbing salt into my wounds. *spits out a curse to folian*

hawklen · « **Reply #34 on:** September 10, 2006, 03:41:12 pm »

I am..better. Found Rodlin, accused him of being the one ash had left me. He offered a fight in the arena. It seems he had no idea, as ash failed to mention that, or lied to him. The battle went well for me. I beat him down. I dont think he had heart to fight, since he barely put up a fight. We got to talking, and he's actually helped me. Strange, I came preparing to hate this elf, turns out he's decent, and honorable.And he's helped me quite a bit. *shakes head* strange. I need some time to wander, Ael gave me a map of some oasis located deep within the driftland desert on dregar. Not many know about it. I think I will travel there. It might do me some good.

*sneaks into 101 hlint, see's ash in meditation, and the children. Quietly kisses the children, looks at Ash, pain still reflecting in his eyes, and leaves her a note*

"Ash, I wont be here for some months. I am leaving on a trip, alone. In a place in dregar even you dont know about it. Very deep in the desert. I need time alone, to collect myself. I think I will start focusing more with the sword and shield. Its what I knew more before I met you. My time is short, I think I need to train as a warrior, so when I go, my death will be honorable - signed nepp"

hawklen · « **Reply #35 on:** September 12, 2006, 11:01:36 pm »

*rests in a beautiful, untouched oasis deep within the driftlands desert, focus, a path he thinks he has found. Ash, he still loves her, is nothing but a low, bitter pain, regulated to the backgroound. Still there, but managable, bearable. He misses his children, their innocence. He thinks of ash, being a bit selfish. The children should come first. It took him months to figure that out.He hopes she herself finds a focus, mayhap a purpose. He knows her chasing Rod will not end well. As he has found out, she only loves Glenn. But Glenn is dead. She needs to come to terms with this and move on. It will bring nothing but pain to her, and those around her.Calm. Peace. he has finally found these things. When he gets back he must thank Ael for allowing him to come here. He feels shame at his actions towards his faith, and offers a prayer of forgiveness to the prince of wolves.He thinks he knows what path longstrider has laid down for him. The path of the warrior. Combine his ranger skills, with that of a fighter. It will bring balance to him, he thinks*

he writes a letter to ash, attaches it to a messenger bird, the contents are as follows;

"Dear Ash.This oasis I have found has gave me focus. I really miss Peace, Tear and Destiny, please give them a hug and kiss for me and tell them daddy will be home soon.I haven't yet forgiven you, I do not know when or if I can. I have come to terms with it. Sitting here, in this beautiful spot, fills me with peace. I am a bit selfish here, as I am satisfied you will never see this spot.Anyways, I have offered a prayer for fogivness, in the way I have treated my faith. I think the prince of wolves has forgiven me, as I have found clarity where there was none. I think the path he wants for me is the one of the warrior. Meld my ranger skills, with that of a warrior. The thought brings me joy. Something I havent had since the birth of the triplets.Anyways, I hope you are well, and that you recieve this letter. I shall return to mistone soon. Maybe weeks, or a month. Untill then, keep safe. - Nepp'akyo Da'Ladium"

*he watches the bird fly away, till even his keen eye sight can't see it. He goes into the lotus position, and begins to meditate, with a smile on his face*

hawklen · « **Reply #36 on:** September 17, 2006, 02:11:23 am »

*leans against a tree in hlint, too weary to bother getting his gravestone*

Well, that didnt go as planned. I survived three blasts from a bodak, killed it, but got cocky and got killed by the second bodak. Cost me a trip to the soul mother. My ninth trip. Poor kids. I feel sorry for Tear, peace and destiny. Stuck with parents like me and ash. At least I make an effort to spend as much time as I can with them. Ash is always off with that wood elf. She needs to be less selfish, as it seems, i am not long in this world. I do hope tegan steps in and helps with the children when I am gone. It is nice to know one person who cares for me, and not go out and hurt me. Makes this life a bit more bearable. Maybe folian wants me sooner than later? Who knows. For now I am content. What happens, happens.

*leaves a short note by the children for ash*

"Ash, I have visited the soul mother again. It is number nine. Please think of the children. - nepp"

hawklen · « **Reply #37 on:** September 21, 2006, 11:59:18 am »

Well. It seems I should get some things in Order. On the event of my death, which seems soon as I am writing this after dying, Any jewelery I have on me, and platinum chainmail armor can go to Jareg. The chainshirt armor I got from Glenn can go to his little brother Wren. I'd like to leave my son, Peace, My Enchanted blade. So He has something of me when I pass. Thats it. Just pluck these things from my corpse and hand them to the people I named. As for burial, Jareg, if possible just cremate me, and spread my ashes in vale, new folian's temple, as I figure the guild would not let me in there.

*copies of this will, sent to Jareg, Wren and Ash*

It appears the prince of wolves wants me soon. Every death I am closer, it is only a matter of time before I take that final visit to the soul mother. I can only hope Ash can look after the children, and not abandon them like she did me. I have talked to a few friends, when I am gone, they will be watching her and the children closely.

hawklen · « **Reply #38 on:** October 08, 2006, 02:01:07 pm »

//OOC - I like this song, so Im posting the lyrics, kinda relates to the state nepps in. NiN - Right where it belongs

See the animal in his cage that you built,
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye,
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart,
And it's all...right where it belongs

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head?
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods all the living and the dead
And you're really all alone
You can live in this illusion,
You can choose to believe.
You keep looking but you can't find the woods,
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?

I feel..trapped..caged..Watching the children grow and flourish, is my only source of joy. The rest of the worl is grey..I have found a path, but it is difficult..I just want to capture, to feel, like I used to..Ash..I still love her..I cant deny it.but, my feelings of rage..have dwindled..Seeing her, or talking to her, no longer makes me want to kill...something..I got to accept. Shes the mother of my children..I will defend her..been hearing alot of slurs against her..me and her have done alot of stupid things..but she doesnt deserve what I have heard..I will find the people responsible..punish...does fighting bring color to my world besides the children? Nothing else makes me feel anything..

*carefully folds the parchment into his new folder, sees Ash and the children asleep, kisses the children and leaves*

hawklen · « **Reply #39 on:** October 09, 2006, 07:51:47 pm »

*angerly writes*

What in the hells? I come back to town, and theres rumours of me being dead? Apparently started by praylor, who misheard me. I had died, and was relflecting my loss when I was asked to join a group. I said to them "I am dead. I need to reflect" Apparently, he told Ty, who thought I had left this world, and wrote to ash about it. Also, walking around, hearing "You are alive?" gets really annoying.

Talking with Rod and Lilly. Liily is apparently taking advice from a Ca'Duz drow. That is just stupidity. I know all about drow like him. As I tried to explain to her. If she wants to be his slave, so be it. And, who shows up? Ash. Just walks up to us, and says to me she got a letter from Ty saying I was dead. She seemed releived I wasnt. She missed the children (apparently she was planning to leave, fed up with everything? And rod ending it with her) Well, thats another thread keeping me here. Three. battle. my children. and ash. I wonder if its enough?

*goes to the children, smiles at them playing around and slips into meditations*