A treasured gift

[Sol_seeker]

I saw Veldrin again today. I was making bread and he appeared in the kitchen of the inn. He was not injured this time. We spoke a bit of Quin's and my engagement, I showed him my ring, and then a bit of his affairs. I dare not say them all... Walls have ears and eyes, maybe... if Taili is around all of the time, how do I know that he is not reading my journal. Although, I do not know if he can read common...

Veldrin said to speak to Connor... He woud tell Connor to talk to Quin and I and tell us anything we needed to know. The last time Connor and I spoke it was with veiled comments, each not wanting to reveal too much information to the other. Hopefully our next chat will be more productive.

[Sol_seeker]

I talked to Taili a couple days ago. I returned to the house from somewhere, I don't remember, and saw him in the street. I always know him by his twin green swords, and that he looks like a drow.

I had wanted to speak to him to find out about the whole situation, if he was just a pawn like the rest of us, or if he knew something of value.

He did not know of my past or of what would occur. I guess Veldrin had not told him anything, so I told him a little about my past, not much, just a dream that I had. It involved little ones, not newborns, but babes none the less... he said what they all do. About how it was my duty... and what I did was right...

Quin tells me something will happen soon with the drow... I am afraid *writing trails off*

[Sol_seeker]

*The page of this entry and the back of the previous are wrinkled and marred, as if tear after tear has been shed on the pages*

I woke up screaming. I had a nightmare. Worse than usual. Shadowy figures and half words were all I understood but I was stricken with fear. Incomprehensible, all consuming, total. I looked besides me to find my beloved, but he had left for the day. I did not find this odd at the moment and wrapped my arms around my great cat who had come running in at the noise.

All throughout the day I could not shake the feeling that something, somewhere was wrong. An ominous cloud hung over my being but I thought it was just another mood. I tried to ignore it. Out of all that I talked to, though, none had seen Quin. Surely he was just hunting, or doing busines, perhaps chopping oak for sandpaper again.

I wandered around and found myself at Blackford castle. Ozy was sitting by the waterfall and greeted me as I walked up. "Sit down for a moment," he said. I assumed that he meant to enjoy the day and perhaps talk as we had at the falls before. He asked me if anyone had told me. I was immediately on guard. Something was wrong. "What?" I replied instantly. Told me what? What did I need to know? The next words changed my life forever.

Whe Ozy spoke he used words of eleoquence to try to ease my pain, but the meaning... "He is dead. Killed by a succubi. His soul was torn from his body, never to return. The last words he spoke were for you."

I cried. Cry is not the word, really, though. The spasms of pain shook my body as my eyes flowed the sadness of my soul. I could barely breathe. I would relax and then begin again, crushed, unbelieving, yet knowing that Ozy would not lie to me, not about that. I said a short goodbye and ran home. I needed to be alone, to the place where I felt safe, but it did not house him now. The worst was then to come.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch. Li paced in front of me, worried, wondering what made me so anxious, so sad. He could smell the pain on me, escaping through my pores. Usually I do not dream. If I do it is of my past and the foul deeds that I did out of duty. At other times I hear the voice of my goddess coming forth. This was different. I felt a male prescence, I saw the ground under me, Quin and a beautiful woman, or so she seemed. I saw them speak, then fight. He fought valiantly but in the end he lost. The claws reached through his chest and pulled at his heart. I heard the last words from his lips and a breif feeling of protection. I touched the ank on my neck. I knew then who brought the dream. The harvester of souls then arrived, others found the body, tried to revive him, enterred him by the temple of Toran he loved.

Then I blinked and the body was there again. I went to him, touched his face, kissed him one last time on the forehead. I stood alone and visions returned. I knew what I once did. I remembered again. The rituial of the god alien to this world, from my past, of life and death, suffering and alleviation, pity and mercy. I knew what to do. I gathered wood for what seemed like days, but I was finished in a moment. I made a pyre to send his body to the heavens where perhaps his soul would follow. Surely the other cities must have thought that the world was on fire because of the blaze.  Then again, this was still my dream, I think...

I remembered the prayer of the dead. The benediction to guide the soul. At least in the past world. Perhaps it will work in this one. I hope to see him again. No, I know I will, after my last breath is done, and my soul is harvested, then we will be together, truly for forever this time.

In that breif moment of clarity, I wrote down the benediction I remembered...

Benediction of the Pyre
------------------------

As I lay this body before the fire
Know in life that I cared for you
I loved as best I could and when the time came
The only gift I could offer was given: death
Follow your mortal body and wait for me
Someday, I will be layed before the fire
We will be reunited, perfect in body, mind and soul
All that have been loved, and given to the flames

[Sol_seeker]

*found by a set of neatly folded clothes and a nervously pacing panther*

My heart still sinks to the lower depths of my chest every time I think about him. I know that we will never be together again in this mortal world but still my soul cries out to be close to his, wherever that may be.

But maybe my life is turning around. I recieved a note by bird from Ozymandias, requesting my prescence at his house... I remember all of the times that we sat and talked, looking over some body of water, whispering long into the night. Perhaps I could heal there, in the company of an old friend? I will set out for his house this morning and see if I can find him at home. I remember the way, through the woods, where the the grows, the pass where I fell so many times before learning the right way to cross, where not to cross the malars, with their vision that see through the spells I wrap around myself.

*appears to be written as a different time*

He wasn't home. Oh, well, I am sure he will be back sometime. I suppose I could have used my key, but I hate going into other's homes if they aren't there... There was a path that I had never seen before and I decided to explore a bit. It lead to a beautiful bay filled with rocks carved out by the ocean. Stones litter the ground and the sand near the water calls for me. Rumors of large fish had been circulating at the inn, but the waters seem clear here. In this isolated, beautiful space I think I will go for a swim.

[Sol_seeker]

I woke up stiff and confused. Where am I?

The last thing I remember was, well, now that I think of it... What has happened to me? Nothing looks familiar anymore. I spent days in the wilderness wandering, looking for some place that I remembered.

The first people I encountered, I talked to much. I was so overjoyed to see someone, anyone.

I have a nagging sensation that I lost something, though. When I sit alone, petting my cat, I feel an emptiness in my chest.  It seems like a small piece of hope was ripped from it, leaving a hole in my heat that will never heal. What have I lost?

I suppose I will have to find myself again, who I was, and who I now am.

Until then, I am just lost.