Proving myself - Fenrir the Defender

[s0ulz]

*One day while drinking in the outskirts of Pranzis, Fenrir trips on his diary which had fallen out of his bag*

"*oof* Bugger! ... Eh, what's this? Oh... me diary.. haven't written in ye fer a while."

*So he grabs his quill and sits down, occasionally gulping some ale and eating some roast beef*

Busy, busy, busy... That describes my latest weeks. I've helped kinsmen in epic struggles to free lost dwarven settlements, dealt with pirates, ghosts and monsters of all kinds. I've been struck down by drow and giantkind both alike. I've gained more friends and they have earned respect in my eyes aswell.

I've been in Pranzis now for quite a while and am beginning to miss Mistone a bit. But word hails that an assault upon Roldem will launch from Mistone. So I plan to be on Mistone by that time. Thus far I will remain here, collecting minerals, herbs and loot. Dregar is by far not safe, but this exile has proven rather restful for my soul and helpful in developing my abilities further and beyond my imagination. When I arrived in Hlint I had no idea I could once do such things that I am able to do today. But I will push forward and I soon I will see that I'd be given the respect, honor and appraise that I and my name deserves. I will prove myself to my fathers reputation and reclaim what was lost on that sad day, on which he passed on. I swear on my name for that.

*signature*

[s0ulz]

*Looking through his bags, looking for some meat to aside the ale, a book drops out of a hidden pouch. It turns out to be Fenrir's old diary, that has collected immense amounts of dust since it was last written in.*

Bugger, where have you been hiding now?

*He blows off the dust and sits down next to a fire for a read. Memories fill Fenrir's mind and many smiles and frowns cover his face when reading through the old stories. He remembers meeting his guildmates as if it were yesterday and feels he has come a long way since that*

Where's me quill, I got a lot of catching up to do.*He mumbles to himself*

*As the light from the fire covers the thin pages of the book, Fenrir begins to write down his thoughts.*

Logbook entry:

It has been months, too many of those, since I've recorded my actions on paper. A lot has changed - from weather to people; from friend to foe; from life to death. Ever since the war against Blood reached it's near end, I became more and more worried aabout my family - how will this worldchanging event concern and effect them?

Worry grew into despair and I left for Bloody Gate as soon as possible. The travel took no time at all, at least for me. Horrid thoughts of what might wait for me there and once the final battles commence, ran through with cold shivers. I knew I had to be there, no matter what.

Reaching Bloody Gate, everything was as busy as ever, preparations for the ongoing war moving people wiht unseen haste. I quickly followed the streets and entered the house that was once ours. The sight was unbareable, it was EMPTY. Nothing that resembles the image of home as I once knew it. Cold stone, furniture collecting dust, covered with pelts.

What could've possibly happened? Is my family dead? Shivers filled me once again and my heart ached for them. I decided to go through the room as soon as possible to find anything that belongs to them, anything... and found a ring. I knew that ring - it was my mothers. The ring was in a box, filled with notes - my notes.. what had reached my family years ago. On top was one note, I specifically remember - a note saying I would come home for a while. It was a long time ago, but those months were great, that I spent with them a few years ago.

I grabbed the ring and ran out on the street, desperate for answers, rage growing within. Further I decided to visit the nearby merchant. He was a long time family friend, so I trusted he might know a thing or two. I approached him with caution not knowing whether he'd recognise me or not - but he did. And without much time spent on greetings and salutations, he answered me before I even got to ask:

Eh bet ye've seen yer house lad, it was left like that a week ago. Yer family left Bloody Gate. A group gathered and decided to move towards Lorindar and then Mistone - for safe harbor of the oncoming battles. They are among these people.

After thanking him and asking what route the group was taking, I set onway, excited and relieved that I would once again see them.

Knowing they would be far ahead of me, but knowing the destination, I ran my heart out and took ships to catch up ti them. I finally reached Lorindar after days of travel and there they were, just outside the gate. A group of dwarves loading their bags on a ship, among them my brother and my mother. At first I thought they didnt recognize me, but after I got a bit closer my mother ran to me. Relief and joy for both of us.

Eventually I helped the group reach Rilara and after that Mistone, the routes were safe enough, with our group not being the only one heading for Mistone. During this travel I knew I'd need to be around my family and keep them safe. I knew I wouldn't live throught their deaths and thus I did. The group settled eventually near the Berhagen mountains and stayed there until the end of the war and the demise of Blood. During this time thoughts of my friends and their welfare riddled me for days and days.

Having helped the dwarves settle in for a longer stay and possibly a lifetime either here or nearby Shoufal, I began thinking of leaving them. My vow to myself many many years ago, to myself and my fathers soul, kept me anxious of returning to the adventurers life.

Promising my family that they'd be safe here living amongst kin and friends, I left once more. Before I knew it, there it was once more... Hlint. A beacon of hope that once already called me, stood infront of me once more, unchanged.

Walking around in town I began to meet familiar faces such as Angela, Varka, Hargranar and so forth. They were amazed by the fact that I was standing in front of them, once more. Some thought I was dead, some thought I was missing, but there I was, back as a regrown beard on a scorched dwarven bard.

*Fenrir adds some wood and tinder to the fire and grabs a piece of meat in between the paragraphs*

After my return, everything began to flow as it used to. Craftwork for the guild, trips into the dismay of battle and unforeseen obstacles. My friends are glad to have me, and to be honest, so am I. Let's see what becomes of this.

One thing is certain, I am ready to step the path of battle - more than ever.
*date and signature*

*Fenrir closes the book and sets in his bag, making sure it would never stay hidden for as long as it did before.*

[s0ulz]

*Dawn breaks as Fenrir walks along a path towards Hempstead. Hungry and thirsty from the long travel back from Xantril, Fenrir makes a fire and rests for a while. What better time to dig out his journal and make a few notes while the meat cooks*

Days pass in a speed so fast, I barely notice them. My beard grows thicker and longer, age starting take it’s toll even though I’m far from old in dwarven years. This feeling is what pushes me towards my long ago set goal. I am beginning to think people are noticing my abilities more and more every day and not only my guildmates who say it because I am a friend. My stance is sturdier than ever and countless hours I’ve spent in arenas and forestsides perfecting it. Others might not see this happen much, but most of my free time goes under this.

I’ve now visited the Underdark for several trips and am yet to fall even though countless allies have not been so lucky. Vorax must be happy about that – yet I shudder at the thought of him punishing me once more. A long time has passed since I’ve fallen and Vorax would most likely like me to continue my streak.

Powerful artifacts and treasure has arisen from the Underdark in the hands of me and my companions. Several new heroes of the blade and magic have stumbled into my companionship on these trips. Voon and Boon – brothers of great ability, devoted to Beryl. Rhynn has been a great surprise in his deeply hidden occasionally even dwarf-like behaviour. Not to mention, the lass makes grand ale and food – there has to be dwarven blood in her to be able to brew with such prowess.

More and more I see and hear of people who have devoted their life to one specific weapon. Much like I have put immense work into mastering the defensive and offensive abilities of the shield, they focus on a single weapon to bring out the most damaging sides of the wielded weapon. To me the axe is just an extension to keep balance in stance and repel attacks, occasionally switching to the offensive, when the foe exposes its vulnerable side. Perhaps once I feel the shield has gotten enough attention, I should start focusing on the axe. After all some wisemen do say, offense is the best defense. But putting the two together might make me a foe not many wish to stand against. I need to seriously think about this.

*Fenrir closes the diary, watches as the meat has begun to singe and runs towards it to save as much as possible all the while cursing mixed in dwarven and common*

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir finds a steady wall and slides down it, obviously not feeling to well, probably from drinking too much. He sits, burps, finds his diary and starts to write.*

That… *sigh* was too much ale, even for me. A grand meeting of dwarves was held in Hlint’s inn last night. Several dwarves gathered to tell tales, drink, talk and of course hold competitions of the dwarven variety. Honestly it was years ago since I last took part of a headbutting competition, or a armwrestling tourney. I wouldn’t want to be the innkeeper after that evening. Once we left there was hair, blood, ale, vomit and glass all over the place, not to mention the food remains and broken tables and chairs. We had to pay quite the amount of gold to keep the barkeep quiet and leave him in at least some profit.

This all is of course to celebrate us getting closer and closer towards restoring Bloody Gate toi ts former glory. So much time has passed since I visited Bloody Gate, I hate to see it in its current ruined state, it hurts my eyes and makes my heart ache. Good thing I got my family out of there before this horror became reality. Perhaps once we are done, I can return my family to its rightful place.

*Fenrir closes his diary and goes to the well to find some refreshing water*

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir sits against a tree in Hlint and writes in his diary. He seems at pain, only relieved from it occasionally for a few minutes until it begins once more*

It happened, I fell once more. So long had I stood steady in battle, until the day the drow overwhelmed me. I still do not understand what trickery the buggers used to get past my stance, which has seen hundreds if not thousands of drow fall infront of it. My stance is perfect, they were not supposed to get a single blow past it. Yet somehow they did and now I sit here, bleeding from my sides even though I have no wound to heal – only Vorax can and will once he thinks I’ve learned from the encounter and deserve to do battle in his name once more.

Keeping my mind off the incident I’ve met Tristan, a lad Alleina is courting with. The games humans and elves play while in love still make me laugh at times, but they deserve eachother and make a good couple. Maybe Tristan will smack some sense into the lazy elf and convince her to go on guild trips more often.

I’ve put more and more thought into the thought of training with my axe. Because of this I’ve already changed my axe’s handle to make the grip more tighter and avoid even the slightest chance of dropping my axe in combat. It’s not much and far from actual training, but I see it as the first step in perhaps one of a million more to come.

*Suddenly Fenrir grabs his side and groans in immense pain. This lasts for several minutes and once it fades for a while, Fenrir has blood on his hands, even though he doesnt seem to have a visible wound*

Vorax, I will learn from this, doubt me not. If more faith towards you is what you want so badly, I will do so.

*Fenrir closes his diary and stumbles along groaning in pain*

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir opens his journal in a proud manner and begins writing, sitting near the fountains of Hempstead*

Behold Vorax, your shield is now more in service to you than ever before. Wearing the colors of your righteousness and might, I am more devoted to you than previously. Red cloak, in silver coating and black armor with silver highlights is what will represent my willingness to your bidding. Red for the blood that will flow for your name and my goals in life, silver for the glory that has and will send me towards my future, black for the overwhelming superiority that your warriors bring to your foes in battle. My shield is still in your service and every improvement I do in my life is in your name.

*Fenrir bows and throws holy water across his shield and axe*

[s0ulz]

*Being bored from sitting around and doing nothing, Fenrir finds his diary once again and resumes writing*

Several things have happened, some more odd than others. For example I finally managed to gather enough cobalt with the guild to allow Kobal to make me a full plate. Let me tell you, it was WONDEROUS. The feeling of armored and refined cobalt against your skin while in combat must be one of the greatest feelings ever. I am slightly surprised about the abilities of the armor though, since it actually hinders my stance a bit. Perhaps this is something I can overcome. It is good armor, but my stance requires me to take actions and perform moves that regular peopel don’t do. We’ll see.

Another thing, which is also joyful news, is that Storold proposed to some human lass. They seem to be getting along good and even though Storold is perhaps past his prime, I’m certain they will be a happy couple. Storold is a man that puts his word in place and is never cheap enough to follow with his actions. Most importantly, he isn’t lazy, so that gives him a very good look in my eyes.

From good to odd, Dorena was acting like a lunatic around me for the past few months, I was really bothered by that crazy look in her eyes, until at one point I figured it out. The lass was doing it on purpose to make me feel uncomfortable. No clue as to why she would do that, might be the twins driving her crazy or some wild craving to annoy dwarves, but once I stopped reacting to her behaviour, things calmed down. Thank Vorax.

At this point I have three main things going through my head. What of my training, how to improve my stance and put more emphasis on the axe aswell; What will become of the training program that the king ruled favorably upon;  How to show Vorax my dedication?

*Fenrir closes his diary while pondering and lets out a relieving sigh*

[s0ulz]

*Some days pass and Fenrir digs out his diary, seemingly upset.*

Blast! Most of my ideas have been undone by just a few days worth. The development of the idea about starting a training academy in accordance with Bloody Gate has been crossed off. Just like that. Even though the King seemingly showed interest in it, further information was neglected and I'm sure it's safe to say that it won't be brought up until I go knocking on the King's door.

I recently visited mother. She's safe and awaits the chance to move back from the Brech's to Bloody Gate. Oh the smile on her face when I told her of the progress that has been made with Bloody Gate. My siblings were excited to see me and have gained in strength in wisdom at a rate that still manages to amaze me. I am proud to have them up and about.

On my way back I travelled through the Brech's and stumbled upon a cliffside that left me in awe. By Vorax' beard I could've sworn it was quite possibly the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. I immediately made camp and decided I'd stay there for a few days.

I knew I wasn't expected back in the guild for quite some time, so I decided to collect my thoughts. With my stance in work and moving steadily towards completion, my previous contemplation kept haunting me. Should I enforce my strike once the defence is set? Do I really want to focus on only one weapon and give it the attention my shield has gotten? Why should I? Won't it take me away from my goal, since time is not on my side for much longer.

I spent several hours pondering until a memory hit me. Why hadn't it hit me before? A sentence... which with my rigorous training seemed to have buried. "A wall is only as steady as the ground beneath it." Right then I knew - enough studies of techique and more focus on versatility and footwork. My stance is tough, tough beyond belief, yet not every situation requires static poses and stances. I must learn to make it much more mobile, make it fluid. Take it from stance to a rampage. To a flurry of defensive moves that involve blocks, slides, misguides and dodging. This might be the last step I need to perfect my stance.

Yes! That is what I must do.

*Fenrir packs his things immediately and without a night's rest he leaves towards the arena in Vehl.*

[s0ulz]

*After a rigorous workout in the Arena, Fenrir once more digs out his notebook and scribbles some text*

I'm on the right path. The stance is complete, now to make it mobile. I've figured out a couple of key

combinations which on paper should avoid most common trajectories of attack.

The left turn, slide and slash combination is great for the charging foe and can be done rotating both ways. I call

this the Mantis, since I dodge and counter with one swift move.



The straight up shield bash and depending on the foes size full frontal attack is very surprising and without

uncovering my flanks it has and will take most foes by surprise. It normally starts as overhead shield deflection

to throw the foe out of balance and a quick backside slash to the vulnerable stomach side. I call this the

Boar, since it's a feroucios preemptive strike with sharp tusks like a true boar.



Next I came up with a very defensive move which involves a double block of attacks by covering my upside with my

shield twice and a very forceful overhead cleave which comes from the very back side of my stance. It involves

turtling up against a frontal assault and delivering the final blow from above. I call this the Scorpion due

to the similarity of the movements.



Finally a fully defensive stance which is slowly mobile and is meant for holding and slowly advancing in more

tighter situation. It involves a full shield cover and the most effective "Push and Slash" move. I push against the

shield with all my might and shove myself on the foe giving a very brief yet momentuous shrug to throw the foe off

balance for a quick counterattack. These quick steps in between my stance make it a very effective defensive

Turtle method.



I've only gotten so far yet, but these moves are great. Nothing but outstanding. Now to work out a slight

problem... I've done most of these moves out of armor. What happens once I have 50 pounds of cobalt on me.

We'll see...

*Fenrir scribbles some scetches in between the moves*

[s0ulz]

*Without any preplanning, Fenrir grabs for his diary and writes, while enjoying a roast and some ale in a local Inn*

The pace of my life has increased so much it sometimes leaves me devastated. How much am I missing out? I spend nearly no time with my family, every breath goes into running the armoring section of the guild, building effort of Stort and aiding and traveling with my friends. I would hardly call it a waste of time, but sometimes I just miss the calmness, security and pleasure of a simple life.

What a waste of time. I can't believe I just wrote that down in the first place. I am still young and I'm more than certain a long and glorious path is still in front of me. I must not lose sight of why I left Bloody Gate in the first place. I've still much to achieve in the world. Blood was conquered, now the dragons await. Life is grim with the sunshine out of my eyes, yet a dwarf will stand till his last breath before standing down to a foe unrivaled.

I have a feeling things are going to start looking up real soon. Battle for greater good still stands ahead.

I've trained hard and I mean HARD on my stance improvals. It feels out of place to do them out of armor, but that's how it's going to be for a while. At least until I feel armor doesn't restrain me too much. It's odd to see Angela dance with foes like it's a game, while stand there almost petrified. It seems oh so much more effective, but I'm a proud drarf, I'd first give up my life than my shield and armor. Mayhaps if I skimp the armor's leg plates. It'd offer less protection but I believe it'd help my mobility a lot.

We'll see, maybe I'll succumb to the pressure of my own inability and even ask Angela to show me how to move more effectively. I hope I don't have to though...

*closes his diary and starts to eat*

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir once more opens his diary and scribbles*

Days fly past like nothing. Yet good has come of the last few weeks.
I've improved the pattern of the single moves in the fluid stances. I am making great progress, yet I fear that I will have to turn to Angela for some help eventually. I trust she will keep it in secrecy for as long as I ask her to, yet I feel ashamed for even having to ask.

Further on, a call for heroes has been sent to call together the capable heroes of the lands. I trust this matter will be urgent, since rumors have been started that the destination is Ozlo's tower. I'll give my shield and axe and my life if I have to, but Ozlo's tower might hold many answers to our cause.

I've also picked up an interesting hobby recently. Since the guild is more in an automated way of life now and Stort is near the completion of it's first stage, I can now occasionally sit down and fidget with magical artifacts. Why? Well.. I don't know... I have nothing better to do. I guess I've grown
tired of ignorance regarding items of magical power and maybe one day I can learn to use them properly. That'll put a surprising look on many sceptic faces, I'm certain.

*Fenrir's stomach starts to growl and he immediately scours the sight for an Inn*

I slowly grow weary of some people however. Day after day, I come across people who show little to no respect for kin and our achievements, efforts and sacrifices which were done in order to allow a free world to reign.

I swear to Vorax I will bring the glory days of kin back into focus. Even if it is only a single effort by me, something big will grow out of it. Rumors and tales will spread, legends will form. This is what I yearn for... right after acceptance.

*Fenrir closes his book and goes to satisfy his hunger*

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir overjoyedly opens his book and writes*

Success! We have brought daylight back to the world! No more darkened years under stormy clouds and buried hopes, the sun is once more visible.

Ozlo's tower held a secret. A great secret at that, which after being uncovered absorbed all the ash in the sky and allows the sun to shine again. The task itself was not a difficult one, but incidents between people and
representatives of different faiths have always made it more difficult than it actually is. I was only there to make sure my kin would not get the short straw out of this and we didn't.

How the sky was cleared exactly is beyond me, but magical artifacts of such capability have never quite reached me. No matter how it was done, it now is done - and I helped.

It was great to return from the tower into civilization and see the awe on people's faces. They could not believe their eyes and as the heroes marched back into towns, people rejoyced and greeted them as it should be done. I know my mother had a smile on her face, she had to have. She knew I was involved in this matter and I'm certain every last kinsman alive and in Vorax' halls is happy to see the sun shine on us once more.

*The book is closed and Fenrir peers up towards the sunfilled sky with a smile*

[s0ulz]

I open my eyes - darkness.

Not a single drop of light in my sight. What is wrong? The sun was restored, wasn't it? I panic, look for an escape from this deep bellowing darkness that seems to have no edge nor end. I look around I see no walls, I look up I see no sky. I look down, I feel as if I have fallen deeper into it. I struggle and move towards no unseen end, until I realize - it's not a nightmare, it's a test of resolve.

I close my eyes and I feel the light within me beam forward, clearing a path to a pair of gates.

I move closer to the gates to find one gleam of fire and heat, the other of cold serenity and redemption. I look closer I see one of them holding the emblem of Destruction, the other holds the symbol of Judgment. I am confused, what does all this mean.

 I've never allowed myself to be succumbed into destruction and if only, because I am a Voraxite. Vorax beckons me to show my might at every opportunity, though honorable it must be. The gates of light feel as if they are just there, not pulling nor pushing. The fiery gates however pull at me with strength only barely lesser than my own.

In between the gates I see a closed cabinet, with a key dangling from in front of it. Why? What purpose does a cabinet have in this scenario? Without any idea what to do about the gates, I move closer to the cabinet and open it.

A maul. Covered in lightning, awaits. What's this? Why? Confusion. I reach into the cabinet and as my hand nears the big hammer, I am pulled by an unknown force into the depths of the cabinet. It's a room, once more covered in deep darkness. It's different. I see a path of light in front of me and hear sounds coming from the end. I now hold the maul in my hands, it's symbols enscribed into it clearly visible. Several names of kinsmen on it and withholding a rune of Vorax in the maul's head, I understand - it is heritage.

I grasp the maul and run towards the end of the path to see a beast unseen before. It launches itself at me only to freeze in the air lunged at me. A moment passes, now two. I smite the beast with a bellow and a strike from the maul. It unfreezes and dies - judgment given.

The darkness falls down as if a curtain has been lowered, the gates in front of me once more. With the maul in my hand I hear a voice over the gates.

You, kinsman, will once have this choice. Judgment is yours to deal if you so wish, but not as easy will it come. Be wary.

What? Who? Why? I am pulled away from the gates and awaken in sweat, my heart racing. I look at my hands, I see no maul, I see no sign of my dream having been real. I do see one thing different. My skin, it's different. It looks almost the same, but feels.. abrasive, stronger, mightier.

Vorax be praised, I've been given a blessing. I now withhold the Hide.

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir opens his book and writes*

It feels great. I am stronger than ever before, able to take punishment unseen before. It's playing the cards right into my hands. With the Hide I can finally focus on movement more than stature. I no longer have to fear
mistakes of movement, since single blows hardly hurt me. Footwork still has me in a stranglehold, I can't figure it out, but I'll continue to work on it.

After footwork, I've put more effort to make the single counter-attacks of the Scorpion and the Turtle much more painful. They are swift and without mercy. Should one befall infront of them, they are slashed beyond recognition.

Ever since my dream, as real it seemed, I know Vorax holds a much bigger piece of my future than I've ever realized. My father's recognition is now but a small piece of my goal. Vorax must be proud. I digged in the chests at the guild and found an adamantium maul. I forged it to look like the one in my dream and bear it at every opportunity. I of course will not reveal it's true purpose or meaning, yet it's delightful to carry around. I feel as if I withhold judgment in the maul and deal it out with every blow. The Hide allows me to use it and at most opportunities I will.

*This part seems to be written later as an add-on*

I can't believe what I've found. Jacchri and I raided a giant tower, lost in the mists of Thunder Peaks and recovered a scale. Not a scale of weights, but a scale of a dragon. A black dragon. It still pulses with magic and I withhold it with great responsibility. It's magic will protect me and my comrades through thick and thin.

*The book is closed and hidden into Fenrir's bag once more*

[s0ulz]

I've never written in here of my doings in order to save the world. At least not until it is done. I fear I might lose the book and information might fall into the wrong hands. I do feel as if I have to get this off my chest though.

A group of heroes, legendary and upcoming, old and young alike, have embarked on a journey to save the world from the Dragons. It involves releasing an old ally to take control over the dragons as it was before Blood.

We've been guided by a scholar that seems to know a lot of the matter yet has no factual way of accomplishing our goal - yet. That's where we came in and now are on a quest deep in the mountains to find an artifact that plays a key role in all of this.

We had no idea where the artifact lies and still haven't found it, yet I'm certain we are on the right path. We found water where water whould not be and at my leading fell into an ancient cave far deeper below underground than I've ever been. We've figured out escape from here and possibly recovering the artifact, can only be done once four mystic gems are found. I consider them tests to only reveal the artifact to the worthy.

We now lie in the cave, trapped, working on the tasks at hand.

One evening, when the others had gone to sleep I woke up Angela and Alantha to ask for help. I had already turned to Angela before and asked for help with my footwork and she happily agreed to help.

This was my first lesson, started by sparring and ending with a real effort to keep elemental beings off our friends. They had bursted up from the ground, shaking the ground and collapsing caverns. But working together we managed. We slaughtered them and collapsed the volcanic vents from which they came.

I feel as if I'm getting closer to my goal already. Angela was great help and we agreed I have to stick to it, run around in armor to train my physique and spar to see if progress is made.

I'm happy that I'm making progress.

[s0ulz]

Sparring has helped me, I think I'm getting the hang of the footwork. While I still somewhat struggle on certain surfaces, I believe the technique itself is pretty much done. Angela suggested I keep my legplates on, since it would leave my legs to vulnerable and it wouldn't be worth in the long run. With my legs vulnerable, I'd compromise my stance and thus the whole idea.

I consider my training complete and plan to continue practicing alone. I'm very grateful to Angela and I will show my gratitude to her one day. I'm glad she decided to help me and am a bit sorry I can't go out to town and yell about her lessons, since she did great. But.. I wouldn't tolerate the looks nor the laughter. So let it be.

On another note, I've been very busy with helping friends along. I've promised my aid to Connor, whose quest is way too magic oriented for me to understand. Next I'm helping Angela with her quest to save Lor from thievery. Finally and the most mystic of them all, I'm helping Ozy. I'm not going to even try and explain it in words, but the whole situation offers a very interesting dilemma to me.

With the threads between realities ripping or something, I might get the chance to meet my alters from the sides of light and dark. It would be interesting to see what could've been if I had made different choices. It's intriguing, yet might prove too disheartening once the actual moment comes.

[s0ulz]

The dreams have yet to stop. I keep having the same dream all over again, or at least the premise is the same.

I find my way through the darkness to the same two gates as before, one fiery and dark, the other light and holy. The interesting part is that I act different every time. First of all I don't take the maul no more, I leave it where it is and wonder what's behind the gates. Is it destiny, fate or just a mind trick.

Either way while at first I always stayed near the light gate and tried to gain entrance, with the same voice booming over the lands behind the gate: Judgment is mine to deal should I accept it, though it won't be easy. I'm sick of hearing it, it has less and less effect on me every night I dream it.

I'm beginning to have doubts whether the light gate is the right choice, since it seems that it's not a divine revelation. It can't be. If it were, accepting the maul should've ended it. Yet they did not stop. That's why night after night I step towards the fiery gate and with every step nearer I get further away from the bellowing voice behind me. All I hear is silence of mind and the crackling of flames.

I've yet to find out what these dream mean, but whether it has something to do with it or not, I'm feeling.. neglected. I'm feeling less and less connection to Vorax, no matter how much battle I do, no matter how many foes I overcome, no matter how much blood I spill.

It feels... almost strange to do battle without having to worry about doing my part and giving the opponent a chance for fair combat. I'm beginning to understand that if I'm so much better, stronger, deadlier than my foe, he has only two choices: Die or Run.

It feels... good..

[s0ulz]

What do I have to do? Why can't this hurt be through? I'm going head onto something I know I might fail.

My head is thick with thoughts out of my league. Ideas too great for me to achieve, yet the same bane of thoughts that have haunted me for months now, do not leave me alone.

I've encountered my once fellow Voraxians, who I've grown to despise. Their lack of will to break free, their strict view inside the box. I want nothing to do with it no more. I've stopped the prayers, I've stopped the thoughts, I'm breaking free, I won't be held back by divinity no longer.

Although it might be considered blasphemous and dispicable, I'm one step from giving up faith. I won't be held back by the restraints of Vorax.

I'll carve my own path, be it through stone, flesh or fire.

[s0ulz]

Despite my changing ways, I've accomplished things I've partaken. The lumbral are free, bloodfeuds being stopped and my own path - well advanced on.

I've grown weary of acting as I was before. The shackles of my mind are now thrown aside and my soul and heart can run in the direction they wish to. I don't want anything to do with it and no hammer of the divine can stop me from renouncing faith. Perhaps my service belongs to a god, but to which is uncertain. I'd now only accept a deity that truly shows interest in me or my services. No longer will I follow the blind faith of tradition or the restrictive commands of the divine. I wist to be what I am, not someone's toy.

I want to be the one people come to for my abilities not due to my deific belonging. I want to develop and advance as I see fit, not as my forefathers have once framed it to be.

[s0ulz]

*Fenrir sits down and with a sigh he begins to write*
I fear it is time. Ever since the Lumbral were freed, I've grown wearier and wearier. I've taken a dislike to sunlight, I prefer shade over blistering sun. I've begun to miss the time where the sun was hidden.

Yet my mind does not slump. Without the blinding light in my eyes, I ponder on future developments. I've grown more methodical over the last few months. I speak when needed, I command as it should be done. I do not tolerate anything less than perfection and despise a halfhearted attempt of whatever needs be accomplished.

I just returned from Vorax' temple and in my dark robes I was ungreeted nor unrecognized. No word of my actions nor plans have reached the ears of these... followers... blind as bats they are.

I kneeled to the symbol of Vorax and with a few chanting sentences renounced my faith to him. No cataclysm followed. Time will tell if he favors this or not, but it's final. I -will- not follow the path of Vorax no longer. The path towards my own Judgment begins now. Whether it leads me to the gates of the Halls or the gates of the pits of hell, I do not care, I will not faulter from my path and I shall walk on it as I, nobody else, see fit.

*He closes his book and sets it neatly away in his pack. He adjusts his cowl and gloves, eyes his surroundings and with a wink of a smile, he sets off towards town*