Ran

[Makashi]

Just a few days after my sisters passing, it was time for some one elses, Some one I had only met once, but enjoyed the brief conversation we got to have at the Leilon arms so long ago. A huge crowd gather outside Blackford Castle, waiting to see her one last time. I had come to believe she was very ill, and was dying because it had gotten so bad. However after waiting so long, golding Freldo's hand, the gates opened for Queen Allurial to walk out, and she did.
Her words brought joy, laughter, sadness,but were very inspiring, better yet, I think everyone was brought very closely together that day, and there was a sense of peace. The clouds parted, and the sun shone down so bright. Something not seen in so many ears, I looked at the blue sky, and so many memories flooded back.
The sunkissed land I had not seen for so long, but longed to see, An angel came down, took allurial by the waist, and lifted her off into the perfect days sky.

Something I'll never forget.

After the sky clouded back over, plenty of people stood around talking, while Reventage sat playing by the tree next to us, I decided that me and Freldo should speak to her in regards to our ideas for a garden, or even a temple of dregar, and the conclusion was that it needed to have a more specific purpose, especially when the world was in it's current state where focus must go to other things first. Which is true, but I will keep the suggestions coming.

[Makashi]

Weeks have passed since I last wrote, A busy few weeks they were aswell. There were many different expeditions planned around Dregar and Roldem, and I decided to set off and head on a few of them.

The first couple of days I have to admit, I wish I hadn't gone at all. Key, who I'd not seen in many years had bumped into us, and decided to tag along, I know shes stubborn and a lot of people dislike her, but we've never really had any problems with eachother, and actually I like travelling with her, shes careful, and despite what she'd admit, I think she does care for life more than she shows to people. Sadly, she got on Rain's nerves, to the point of the group wanting to split into two.
Was over something silly aswell, he kept complaining she was rushing ahead, but thats what she does, however it's becayse she doesn't get caught doing so, which makes it a good idea in my eyes, I've seen her deal with many situations like this, and it usually works out very well. Rain didn't seem to think so, and kept going on, arguing, she did argue back, so I they are both to blame really. Eventually after the group had to split, Rain assumed that I would automatically be going with him, and stated so. I have no problem taking orders when necessary, but this was ridiculous. Key and me both agreed it was silly to split up the group because of this, and eventually the heated arguement settled down, and we set off. Been a while since I've felt in the middle of some where I don't belong, and I truely dislike being put into awkward situations like that.

Thankfully after this, there were no more arguments really, and it was actually beginning to be fun again travelling with so many, that I rarely do get to see or travel with. We trekked through the desert, the caves, and up towards Dalanthar.

Reaching the Rolling Hills, just beside the stream, I visited my sister, and my mothers shrine, I sat beside the flowers arranging them, making everything look, well, just right. A few tear drops formed in my eyes, and as I blinked, I felt the tears cold on my cheek as the wind blew by, and watched the droplet fall from face, to the petal of a flower below, the glimmering of the light from the tear stained surface. I sat for a while, prayed, even just spoke for a while, in hope they could both hear my words, hoping I'd hear theirs back in my dreams to come.

I stood up, and walked to Dalanthar, where others awaited. Lillian was there and had planned a trip with others into the Rift. Ofcourse I said I'd go, Lilly is dear to me, but recently she has been very odd, a little bloodthirsty...and some of the things she has said to Freldo does worry me, though I know Freldo understands shes being a bit odd. I went along, to provide my help in what ways I could, healing mostly. After we got to the diamond mine, we knew we had to get ready for trouble, a lot of drow I expected....If only I knew how many.

It was all going very well to start with, and then the group became disorganised, and I tried to keep up with the frontline, to heal them, Unfortunately the drow had expected us, and an ambush came by, more drow than we had expected, and it caused a divide between the group, I couldn't get back to heal, I could only heal the dwarf beside me, hoping we would get through it, I suddenly became surrounded, tried to shift planes, Sadly, with no escape, I saw others fall, but I don't know who, the battle caused so much confusion, just reminded me, never to underestimate drow, especially when we're in their home. I later on returned to my place of falling, and met with the others still down there. They planned another assault, but after seeing how many more had gathered, we figured it would be a slaughter, and, actually we did sort of try, but another ambush came about, and we then decided to head back, knowing a lot of drow, knew we were here.

As I came out of the Rift, I saw a silhouette of a very recognisable man. I ran closer and could see it was just who I thought, Freldo, I hugged him tightly, and was so glad to see him. We went back to Dalanthar, and then headed to Firesteep mountains, to get some mining done. A very successful trip too, even got some cobalt too. Everyone on this trip really knew what they were doing, and we had little problems at all, apart from trying to get out of the cave, as Kobolds closed off our entrance, and managed to strike some one down, I think her name was Emie, With Ilsare's teachings and blessings, I gave her back the gift of life, and we headed back down the Fiery Mountain, picking some apples along the way ofcourse, who could resist?

After this, I took rest for a few days, gaining energy back, Before walking towards Lorindar, sailing to Roldem, and making my way to Rodez, whee I was presented by a very pleasant suprise. At first when I arrived it was just me and a dwarf...Gilshem I think. Later Jennara came through the portal. I was pleased to see her again, and was quite excited about travelling with her once more. More and more turned up, as Jennara told us the story of what happened to Roldem, some of it I knew, most of it I didn't. Jennara is such a kind loving person, shes responsible for the relief efforts on Roldem, and has done so well in restoring places as much as possible. We headed towards Silden, and avoided the Gloom fortunately to avoid any number of casaulties.
Later on we all set off to help Reriel with those monks, Jennara seemed a bit concerned, which made me even more so. There was only one mishap however, as we entered the cave, Mylindra got ambushed, but Jennara was very quick to pull out a scroll and use it to bring her back. I was very impressed actually. We went on, and did end up getting what we went for. And more too. Freldo got himself a nice new garment, well I thought it was nice, until he put it on and looked like he was bearing a child, I think he needs to remove some of the padding and other loose bits, then it should be fine.

Freldo and I went back home, and for the first time ever, we sort of played music, together, I sat on the harp, playing one of the few tunes mother taught me to play, and then he sat down on the piano, playing a few notes for me to play, I tried my best although I know I'll never be as good as he is at this. I did enjoy the happiness we shared through music, be it briefly, I'm sure we will do that more often in the future, and I hope he'll teach me a lot!

We sat down, and we spoke about quite a few things...which then brought him on to telling me something I never saw coming. Whenever we visit the grove of slumber on Roldem, he sits beside the Rock, and it's almost as if I'm not there, now I know why. He was with Brisbane for a while..I didn't ask how seriously, I do intend to but I felt hurt, and wasn't thinking all that straight. Why wouldn't he tell me something like this? After the situation caused when he avoided telling me about his children, it had been repeated through this, Why am I being kept in the dark? He spoke about how he was at a bad time, and so was Brisbane, and he used that as a way to get closer to her. Then suddenly the question came into my head, "Was she with Elladan when this happened" I asked, He simply nodded his head and again, I felt even more hurt, but not so much for myself, but for Elladan. A dear friend, and did he even know?
It felt as if everything I worked so hard to regain in my life was slipping away so quickly as the thoughts of why he still sat there and why he ignore me just spiralled, and consumed my thinking. Did he love me? Did he still love Brisbane? Will he do something like this again? His hand gripped mine firmly, and I slipped mine away, asking if the reason he sat there was because he missed having her. He pulled my hand back into his, and said that he was lost when it happened, I was gone, and she was there. I looked into his eyes, and he told me he loved me. I know that he does....I love him too. I trust him with my heart and soul. I just trust theres no more secrets like this aswell.

[Makashi]

Not quite the day I had expected....I was at home sorting a few bits out, moving things from one place to another, a general tidy up, and suddenly there was a knocking at the door, I opened up, Angela walked in and hugged me, she looked a little concerned about something and said she had been looking for me, after I asked why, she told me that Jacchri had some problems with a lich, and that they could use my help.

Ofcourse I accepted, but little did I know quite what I was getting into until I arrived at Haven to meet with the others. There was much talk of Xolorian, a lich who had tainted both Jacchri and Daeron, who were turning undead. I had only heard stories of these isles in the past, and knew that barely any travel there. I soon found out why. Jacchri provided each of us with rings to ward us against the negative energy that cursed the land. The rings would give us 60 minutes on the isles to do what we needed.

We sailed from just outside Spellguard, and there was a lot of tention on the boat, most people kept themselves to themselves, just getting things ready..As I started focusing on what blessings we may need. As we arrived, we all slipped on our rings, all three rubies shining on our fingers. As I was about to rest to be a little more focused, a demon of some sort came towards us, I barely had a chance to look up, before gasping for air as I fell, feeling the soulmothers touch upon me. I shook my head clear of thoughts, and realised I was actually standing...Feeling shocked at what my body had been through, I had fallen, but was given the gift of life once more.

We all prepared, and finally set off the dock, getting very lost in the snow and encountering numerous undead that seemed to spring from no where, always at a bad moment., Jacchri kept looking for tracks that just seemed to be near impossible to follow due to the snow fall. Thats when the first Ruby just turned to ash and fell to the floor, a lot of awkward, worried looks between faces, merely 40 minutes left to find this lich.

We carried on our search through the snow covered plains, and found a small grave yard, and then, an entrance into somewhere...My stomach got that sensation I havn't felt since seeing my curse for the first time, I followed the others down, keeping a close eye out for undead, and concentrating on keeping everyone, well warded for anything we might meet.

We kept moving on, and eventually reached some water that needed to be crossed, I didn't really want to swim through, incase something was in the water, or the water might do something! Daeron passed accross with ease, and just polymorphed and flew accross, Angela tossed a rope over to him, which he tied around a rock, and so began the climbing accross. I watched some pass easily, some struggled, Jacchri actually fell in and swam across the rest of the way, at that point, I decided to wrap around a cloak I had found, and used to to catch a draft in the wind, and use it to pass across with no problems. Glad I kept that for something useful.

As we all crossed, the second ruby turned to ash and fell from our rings..I was beginning to feel this was really a one way trip, there was no way we could possibly get off alive. We then found more undead, and a portal...it being the only way to go, we went through, I could now hear the whispers of dark curses, through the corridors...I looked around, checking everyone was okay to continue, but feeling very unprepared for a big battle myself, we continued anyway, and in one of the battles, sadly I was too slow to help Elladan stay on his feet, but after he had fallen Ilsare gave me the strength to bring him back. Eventually reaching a hallway, where the undead swarmed us, and darkess started consuming the room, I saw the lich darting from one place to another, in the fraction of a moment, it was very unnerving, I did what I could, healed the others, and even some undead, watching them burn as the positive energy evened out the balance that created them in the first place...except the lich who seemed to appear accross the room, fine, after a few of us put our efforts to him.
The room grew even more dark, and I started feeling drained from the amount of casting I found myself doing. My worries grew, but then suddenly I saw a flrry of arrows pass by and turned to see them all pierce the lich, the darkness suddenly disappeared, and remaining undead seemed to disperse in moments. As happy as I was, the final rubies on our rings grew dark...Alantha ran to check what our options were, two portals, one leading to the entrance of this place...the other she didn't know.
Some of us, including myself decided the chance was worth taking, None of us wanted to become undead like them...
We arrived back on a ship, safe...but Daeron and Jacchri were missing....No one really spoke, in fear having lost them both. I looked out at the ocean, and suddenly I felt the presence of some one next to me, and as I turned Daeron and Jacchri both appeared, normal too, no longer tainted. A loud rumble shook the land, and a bright rainbow appeared over the -once- forsaken isles. The healing had started Jacchri proclaimed. Though it will probably be long time yet until it is safe to travel there.

Upon returning I spent a lot of time with Freldo, we spent a long time talking at the inn, about anything on our minds, both the good and bad, but ofcourse I was happy the whole time, having him there just made all my problems seem so small. We then went on a couple of trips for iron and headed home to rest.

[Makashi]

*opening her diary, still beaming from all recent events she begins writing, sitting in her bed at home*

After preparing my Toga for the party at the Leilon Arms, I sat at home remembering the trip Freldo and I shared earlier, just collecting things, and enjoying eachothers company. We don't usually end up getting to spend so much time alone on such trips, but it was very enjoyable, and not 5 minutes without laughter between us.

I walked to the Leilon Arms and went on in, no one else had arrived yet, Kali and Freldo were rushing about to finish getting things set up. The place looked lovely, and they really did put a lot of effort into making the place look right. Shortly before heading there I found out some very sad news about Melanna, she wasn't a close friend or anything, but I had known of her for a long time, even if she did not remember me on my return, unless she was pretending for some reason?

Anyway. Daniel was extremely upset, blamed himself for her passing, I tried my best to make him feel a bit better, but this sort of thing is hard to look on any other way. I blamed myself when Shelu had passed, even though I wasn't there, I should have said yes to going with her. So I understood that he could not see any other person to blame besides himself. But ultimately, it was her decision that made do what she did. She chose to walk into Storan's unwarded, knowing the likliness of what would happen...and sadly thats exactly what did happen.

I feared of telling the news to Freldo, especially on this evening, I didn't want to ruin his night. After getting to the inn and settling down, I was going to tell him while it was still quiet, but he had a lot of things to get on with, so I let him. People started arriviing, and after seeing Daniel walk through, still looking a bit upset, I knew I should tell Freldo, incase something on the subject came up in conversation, I wanted to tell him so much, Freldo walked up asking what I wanted to speak about, and I said again it could wait.

I mixed with the others, conversing, enjoying the mood of the night, and taste of the wine. Shared a few laughs with Alleina, Angela and Alantha as usual. It's ashame they don't come more often, but I understand the noise can give one a head ache from time to time! I noticed Freldo walk out into the hall, and decided this was a chance to tell him. "Freldo...?" I asked, he looked at me with a smile and replied "Want to tell me what you wanted to now?" I told him I was a bit unsure whether he'd want me to, but he said yes as there wasn't much that could change his mood. This made things a little easier to bring up, but I knew despite him saying that, he would be crushed by the news. It's rare I've seen him like I did, upset, looking a bit frustrated, 'No...Goodbye?' He said weakly.
What could I do? Everytime these things happens it's never easy, and seeing him like that upset me just as much. I sat by his side letting his head lean on my shoulder, wiping his tears away for him. Being the bard he is though, as soon as there was a knock at the door, he tried putting on his smile, and decided to get on with the night ahead.

I was proud to say the least, and kept making sure he was Okay throughout the night. As I started speaking with Alleina again, Kali offered Freldo a dance, I smiled, and frankly, couldn't wait to see. I nodded to him to go on, as he looked like he was nervous about something, Kali took his hands and began leading him about the room, spinning from time to time. I stood on admiring the steps to the music, and watching Freldo be very careful with his feet. Very entertaining to watch.
Afterwards Kali said her and Freldo would be the judges of a dancing competition, I looked about the room spotting several possible options for a partner, but then Freldo grabbed me asking me to dance, and Kali decided she'd judge alone. The other pairs to stand, Ferrit and Omer, and Karn with Pyyran. It was all very funny, everyone was smiling or laughing. I danced with Freldo enjoying each moment as we spun about the floor, I'd not danced in so many years, infact since I was last at the inn with Trysk.

It was just nice having him so close, knowing he was enjoying himself just as much as I was. I looked lovingly into his eyes and the music slowed down, I slipped my arms around his neck and rested my head against his shoulder. We swayed side to side for a while, and then the music came to an end, and Kali announced we had all won pies.

I went up to Rain and Sonya, who were sat talking, and then after getting back up and walking over to Freldo, not long after we were speaking, Rain shouted for my attention, I walked over curiously, and Sonya looked like she was very uncomfortable, and she them looked to me saying the baby was coming...I started darting about worriedly, always happens at the least expected of times, I asked Freldo for a spare room we could use, and we set her down on the bed, I just grabbed towels, cloths and everything I'd need. Sonya was very brave, and my hand is now very crushed from being held so tightly. She did very well, and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I swaddled him up in cloth and passed him back to Sonya smiling. I was so happy for them both, looked upon them smiling at eachother as I washed my hands off, noticing I also needed a new Toga. I got changed upstairs and came back down, Kali asked me where my Toga was, I explained.and she later brought me down a spare she had, which I wore for the rest of the evening.

We all moved around the stage after a while, and another pie was being given away, I'd won one already, but thought why not roll some dice and try to win again.
So I did and it turned out to be the highest roll but Kali shook her head at me saying I had already won a pie in the dance, and then Ralinda's who sat beside me received the next highest. I guess our table was lucky! Kali then stated she would be singing a story, and Freldo and her both took to the stage, with violins at hand. She sang a funny tale of a Priestess of Xeen and a knight who became famous, despite the events of what happened!

After much more luaghter and conversation, the room moved towards the bar, to play the coin bouncing game...I'd played this once before, and was absolutely useless. There were a few of us playing, if you managed to get your coin into the glass, the two people on the left would drink. Everyone pretty much missed their first shot, and mine, went the wrong way, people ducked as the coin bounced off the bar and from the walls. I felt so embaressed. The game went on, and as it did, a few people started using the what they could to improve their aim. Some people passed out from the drinking, or just slumped on the bar, like Karn.
Eventually it was down to me and Pyyran to my suprise. He got his shot in, and I got mine in, I drank, he drank, he took his shot and it just fell short, before I got mine straight in again. I couldn't believe it, I won something that required a good eye, and a good throwing arm, and I had neither! But some how had been so lucky, just seemed I was supposed to be given another pie! Too much luck and too many pies!

We headed back over to the open floor, and a few of us danced again. I confidently said I'm still not drunk, Freldo just smirked michieviously and passed me a frothy ale...I'm not much of an ale drinker, but how strong could it be, right? I took a gulp, swallowed it, felt fine and then suddenly the floor was infront of me! I wobbled to my feet and probably did a few stupid things I'd probably prefer to foget, and fortunately have. After sobering up a little bit, I took another swig, and again the floor was my friend and caught me, even if it was a bit hard. Freldo picked me up and poured a bottles contents into my mouth, and I felt fine again, sobered me up straight away. He told me he had to head off to get on with a few bits of business, and I decided to call it a night shortly after.

First I sat by Steel and just looked behind at Cole's statue, remebering what Freldo told me. Kinai stood behind him, she seems very fond of him, and I was happy to see that he has some one that cares a lot about him. I spoke to Kinai for a while, when a half giant came up telling fibs about most of the Gods, and then I left for home after a good night out.

[Makashi]

Things never do go quite to plan.

I don't really mean that it's a bad thing, it can be very annoying, but it can mean things turn out better than originally seen.
Venturing from Hlint for the first time in a while, I went to get Freldo some Fire Opals from the Forest of Mists on Dregar, As I walked from Prantz, I don't think I've ever seen so many graves, was quite...an eery feeling, like something wasn't right. I even found myself being attacked by a giant after reaching Corax lake, to get a little rest.

As I entered the forest I saw a couple more graves, one was Kharl's and seeing it made me feel, very uneasy. Kharl used to be one of the travellors I used to feel safe with, and infact had probably even been into that forest with him before, but seeing his name upton a stone, just sent shivers down my back all the way to my toes, Had something changed in the forest to cause this? For a very brief moment I even considered it having something to the markings around Mistone, but none to be found, so I guess not. The giants did seem a bit more organised, and I learnt that I should always take great care in roaming where giants may. Their arrows hurt a lot, and having a line of them fire arrows bigger than me, my way, was pretty horrific.

I headed back towards Hlint to do some work at the temple, and go home and get on with the decorating, as I walked from the north gate to get a drink from the well, I bumped into Storold who had some news on himself moving from Blackford to Prantz, for a while it felt like the conersation was going around in circles, then he finally gave me some incite as to the reasons why he needed permission to move, which were that he had duties there, understandable. I askked him if Mylindra was moving in with him and he answered "No, It's not my place" So I just assumed he was moving, he then said Mylindra was already there!! I didn't realise he meant it was already her home! I was both excited and joyed for them, when I see them together, I can see two people, perfect as one. And neither have I seen as happy and content as they are now.

I walked home after finishing the various bits I did for the temple, and started moving bits around the house, including making the bathroom a little....warmer to put it simply!
Freldo came by briefly to pick up a few bits, said he had polish some gems and enchant them, or something! As usual saying he'd be back, sooner than I could say some long winded sentance, which I did manage to say, several times over too! I don't mind though, I want him to do the things he chooses to do. Oh and grind m gems. So long as he can do that, while loving me at the same time, I'm fine with that.

When he returned we spoke infront of the fire for a while, just sat talking about things, after a while there was a slightly awkward silence, I could kind of tell he was thinking about something, but had no idea what. Then the words came from his mouth....asking if I was interested in having a family.
Feeling so many different emotions, anxiety, shock, excitement...worry, and I gave him my honest answer, yes, but not until it's the right time. We spoke for longer, and started discussing getting married. Freldo didn't want to. Hearing him actually say he didn't want to marry made me feel...unconsidered, to put it into a word.
All my years on mistone, one of the very reasons of my being here...to find and...marry, the one I love. Thinking about the memories I had of going to weddings, and as I thought about the possiblity of me not having one, I think Freldo could tell how disappointed I was.

We spoke for  a while on this subject, and during the conversation I suddenly realised....I'm engaged. I laughed a bit to Freldo asking if this was his way to skip a proposal, and he smiled, kneeling down on one knee, asking if I'd take him as my husband. My answer was obvious ofcourse, Yes.

Freldo and I spoke for a while, about different things, plans for the wedding, locations, things like that. We need to set a date, but I'm not too rushed. I want it to be perfect. Just like the dress mother prepared for me, so long ago now.

[Makashi]

Recently I've found myself seemingly lost in my thoughts, and I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to feel a bit irresponsible to those around me.

It's been months since I've spoken to all my dear friends, I miss having talks with Hanna, Angela and the oters, and I really do need to get some things off my mind, and with Freldo having enough on his plate right now, I don't want to add to it.

Freldo is not himself either really, I'm not sure what is happening, I pray everynight to Ilsare, hoping she can help him see things the way he used to, I don't know what happened on that trip he had, but since that day, somethings wrong. I want to know all the details, but he doesn't seem ready to talk about it.

Deciding to push back the date of the wedding - at first, I have to admit, I felt awful, and wondered what I had done wrong. I cried a bit about it, but ended up putting on a brave smile, and saying if he was not ready, then we will wait.

Is he going to be ready? or have I made the same mistake twice? I don't know yet, I love Freldo with all my heart and soul, and I know he cares for me, but recently we just don't seem to get the chances to stay up all night talking like we used to.

I will just continue being there for him, I know I can't help him with what is going on right now, I don't know the answers to questions unknown also. This is something he will have to find out for himself, but I will help him anyway I can.

The first realisation of things not being quite right, was when I went travelling on Belinara, but without Freldo, and I kept finding myself looking around, expecting to hear the strings of a violin, and the voice of my dearest Freldo, yet throughout the trip, the haunting noise of the wind passing by filled my ears instead. I miss so many things, and right now, his bright smile is one of them.

[Makashi]

It's funny the twists and turns life can take. Funny for those watching maybe, but I'm not honestly sure if my heart can take much more of this constant dull numb feeling I've had for so long now it seems.

Since Freldo's trip, he has not been the same, looking at my last entry, things have not improved.

I wandered to the Glass lake, in hope I'd see Freldo there fishing, and then seeing his head turn revealing the smile that lit the air around him. So I sat, watched the surface of the water, and waited, a long, long time. Contemplating thoughts and feelings, So many memories from not long ago, yet they are becoming ever more distance with each restless night.

*Ranéwin sits under the tree by the lake, on the outskirts of blackford castle,  starring at the carving she and Freldo made*

I've not lost my love, I know what I feel for Freldo will not change, Purely and simply. I love him.

Why do all good things come to an end? The spark we had when we first met, the spark which has always been between us, seems nothing but a flicker of light in the shadows now.

Maybe father was right about what he said about humans, but deep down, everytime I return home and see Freldo, although his smile is there, it's not the one I know is true to himself, whatever happened on a simple trip, to turn our lives back to front and upside down?

I will remain there for him, as little as he seems to want my comfort, or attentions anymore, I just hope he loves me, as much as I love him.

*ranéwin runs her fingers over the carving of the heart, tears flowing from her eyes, she closes her book and quietly sobs into her sleeves as the sky gets darker drawing in to the night*

[Makashi]

*scribbled notes inside her journal*

I miss seeing the sun in the sky. The way things used to be lit up by a simple break in the clouds. The joy it brought to people. And the suffering that was not there before the lands became so dark and baron.

Hlint is so quiet now. I sat at the temple for most of the day, things in recent years has caused most people to lose interest in the services there. Ashame for the temple. As I watered the flowers, I turned around thinking I heard a familar voice.

I looked to the sky, it spoke again, but was not clear at all where the voice was coming from. I felt goosebumps all over as I heard it. Mother....I fell to my knees in the garden, bursting into tears, not of sadness, but of joy.

Her voice, so soothing, so comforting. I weeped, a soft breeze passed by, almost taking the tears with it. Again, I looked about town and saw nothing, but could feel a warmth within.

I spent the rest of the day sat there, in hope I'd hear her voice just one more time. All that was left, once more, was a memory of what we had. Knowing I'd never be able to physcially hug her pained me so. I felt the touch of something upon my shoulder, looked over hoping it would be you Mother. Calise spoke gently to me resassuring me that she was at peace.

I wish my heart could be the same. It feels broken, and bare. Lonely and worn.

I'm not the same person I was when I first arrived. I'm glad I'm not. I am proud of changes in myself that have been made. But I wish it had all happened how I had wished.

Life presents complications, and we all make choices that further complicate them. I miss mother, I miss Sedis'ias, I miss Kaizer, Sy'Ravenne, Abi, Shelu, *tear stains flood this part of the page* Ayla, Cole, Cray, Trysk, Corsan, Zack, Vivian, Jet....so many that I will likely never see again.

This fact tears me apart on a daily basis. I live through it knowing love will take care of those that love eachother. I love this world, and hope Ilsare and her blessings will take care of what is left, that I cherish so.