Letters to Ardal

[DMOE]

Oh my dearest Ardal,

How time has moved on since you failed to return to the Temple as we arranged…

I have decided to write you letters in case we ever find word of you..

My life since completing my training at the Temple has been quite surprising really.  Men...Ardal, men seem to have a great interest me.  I wonder if this has always been so but that I failed to notice on our travels or if your dark gaze and quick wit kept them at bay for who would challenge one such as you for a woman...

But you are no longer at my side and now they do show their interest.  Jeran was one of the first to show his interest and has since declared his love for me….Not a love I return, I may care for him but this is me Ardal and you of all people know I do not care well for others.  

Kiva…He was a man after my own heart.  He understood that love is not needed where physical attraction and mutual benefit are instead, but he was weak and guided too much by his friends…Of course the fact his closest friend is a Cleric of Shadon did not help….You know me and my sharp words.  

Shamur…a fighter…strong of arm and a man of tactics but not seen for a while.  

Eagle…a bard…A man good of heart, wishing nothing more than my company, not pushing his desire upon me…I find him unsettling in that and he too has been gone along while…Maybe that is for the best.

Ark…A charmer if ever I saw one…He claims love at first sight…I wonder if this a tactic to enjoy my charms…He asked for the chance to win my heart…I wonder if it is even possible…Maybe I am our Lady’s to such a degree no one ever will…Maybe my heart is already yours…I still can’t tell that Ardal…If I love you or if the passion we share for our Lady is the passion which binds us…But back to Ark…I keep him at arms length…He must prove himself genuine in his words before he will find me willing in his arms…As for loving him…I suppose time will tell.

Eghaas…A quiet elf who say’s he likes my confidence…To quiet for me Ardal; you know I need someone to balance me.
 
Oh and my sharp words…I’m had to temper them slightly to aid me in travelling…My principles remain the same but so many dislike our Lady here…But do not fear, I still question and cause chaos in my wake where ever I may.

I have met some intresting people Ardal…Karn, a bard and a sailor…Oh how you’d laugh with us…His wit is as fast and sharp as mine and he’s flirting with the men is so funny to watch.

Rhynn…As wild as any storm and more a magnet than I to the men Ardal, but fun also.

I travel more now although I always find time to spend at the Temple and I often sit in Hlint seeing what direction the wind will blow me in.

My skills improve and our goddess continues to bless me with her gifts…I can call lightening now Ardal and I know how that would make you proud as well as excite you to see me arms outstretched calling forth our Lady’s power…Oh Ardal I miss you so…Your council, your smile, those eyes as dark as mine are blue and your ability to understand me…I pray every time I enter the Temple that they have word of you…One day Ardal, one day they will for I would know if you were dead.

[DMOE]

Oh my dearest Ardal,   I…I am confused.  Shocking isn’t it.  By many things I might add.  I tried to debate the subject of freewill with a Rolfy…..I know, that was probably my first mistake but she seemed bright enough…It went badly; she failed to see my point and hid behind the fact she only answers to her god.    Kiva confuses me….He found me sat by the pond…We spoke at length…He tells me he regrets the decision to end things…He is presently courting the woman he claims to love…Why regret the decision?  Is he not doing what he truly wishes now?  There is no chance for us anymore…Remember the good times and forget the rest  Ark…I should end it…I should break his heart and walk away…I gain nothing from a match with him…Yet I don’t…I don’t understand why…I truly miss your council and your arms right now  Eagle…Not seen in a long while…For the best  Shamur…Seen again recently…Not spent time with him alone but nor told him Ark is courting me  Eghaas…Seem to think I was slighting him…I explain I wasn’t  I have made new friends, well as much as I make friends…T’ashr, a fellow follower, calls me Sister…wild as the storm and as fun.  Roy…a quiet Ranger, I speak to him sometimes…And of course still Karn, I can relax with him although I know he fears what Ark may do to me  News Ardal, such news… Okoth, Tide of the NorthWest has been seen around major ports…Hmmmm he’s handsome Ardal, very handsome and powerful of course.  I am trying to gain an introduction…ever looking for allies as you taught me  Kiva offered to find you for me Ardal…But I could not take him up on his offer…Maybe I fear you do not wish to be found…I know if our Lady wishes us to be together we will be…I have asked him to look for Bevin…I know not if he will…You do not know Ardal, or maybe you do, but my village was attacked, the adults killed and the youngsters taken…Nothing stands Ardal, all is gone…Bevin also…Maybe Kiva can find her…I would bring her to the Temple if I can…No doubt she was sold as a slave and I’m sure ill used so will need to heal
  So….I continue to travel where I can…I will see if I can get an introduction to Okoth and if I can bring myself to his further notice in some manner, which ever manner…I still think of you Ardal...When the storm rages, in the quiet of the night…I remember your soft voice and your dark eyes…Our debates, our arguments, our passion…Life moves on Ardal…Do I move with it or will you return to me and claim me as yours?

[DMOE]

Dearest Ardal,

Years...so many years have passed.....I was distracted from writing by so many things.

Ark and I ended but remain friends...

Shamur tore my heart in two with blame and anger for things not my fault but wishes to put right the past...we shall see...

I have two beautiful children....But alas....their Father....a good man...But not as understanding of my nature as I first though.  The parting was as understand as it could be and I am still a large part of my children’s lives....

I have found my match in life I think Ardal....He allows me to be me.  His nature can be as dark if not darker than mine...I do not feel I need to hide any part of myself from him that I can just simply be...

My ambition for Mist is still strong Ardal....

The thing with Orkoth...Did not go well...while trying to keep Mist’s true interests hidden I relied too much on others...a mistake I will not make again.

Since then I have aided the town of Haven....I have the thanks of their Lord and credit to Mist....I also have a weakness I gained through it...No good dead goes unpunished!  Although I did also get one of the people in the group to donate to Mist.

I have converted someone Ardal...It was interesting...His name is Hardragh...He is from Krashin....I think he would make a good voice although...I have my hesitations...time will tell and I will either support his goal or hinder it.

I have got a new shrine built to Mist...with the support of my man...I claimed the right of salvage on a trip and got my hands on an important bowl...I traded it with Brisbane, High Druid of Tilmar....There is now a shrine to our Lady in her grove and when good is done with the bowl then Mist will receive her share of the credit.

I am trying to make myself available to as many of our faith as possible, learning who they are....aiding them if possible...Ensuring I do not lose sight of why I am her priestess.

Donnchadh continues to walk beside me....I value his support and friendship

I feel Hardragh wishes to walk beside me too but I can’t shake the feeling he wishes what is simply best for him and does not completely have our Lady’s interests at heart

My sister Ardal....I need to find her...having children of my own distracted me from that greatly....And maybe one day...finding you...

[DMOE]

Dearest Ardal....

I have an interesting job at present...for a man named Gix...He is a mystery in many ways...Deadly and intelligent but yet vulnerable at the same time...He wishes to kill his Mother...She abandoned him at birth and he was raised by a Xeenite priestess so I have no idea as to his motives....nor do I really care in all honesty....He could be a valuable ally in future for me and as long as he does not expect me to go against our Lady in any way then I am happy to work for him.

Hardragh has taken up with Kali.....The gypsy of the Arm’s....It has changed him and not for the better regarding his dedication to our Lady.  He must work harder now to prove he will always put our Lady first if he is to become a Voice...I would rather see no new Voice than one who will not give his all.

Kali seemed to feel the need to be disrespectful and insulting to me....I called her a jealous child yet she seems to claim she was simply being protective of Hardragh as I don’t see how hard he tries to please me....Hardly seems worth trying to please me out of my sight really...Kali claims it was misperception and that we will not have that problem now...I still think she was simply jealous and have no doubt it will raise it’s head again at some point...Time will tell but on a recent job for Gix they both controlled their tongues and were actually useful members of the group.

I have rooms at Kali’s inn....I did well before I met Hardragh or even Kali for that matter....I share them with Jeran who’s support in my desire to further our Lady still astounds me....No other man has taken my duties as a priestess to be his own in a sense....He does worship his own god....A friend to our Lady and I will aid in his worship if I can but for now I simple enjoy being able to be myself completely in a way I haven’t been able to since you my dearest.  I hope it lasts...For I do love him greatly...But I suspect we both have a tendency to destroy things...I pray our Lady continues to let us weather the storms.

[DMOE]

Dearest Ardal…..

I have felt the icey touch of the soul mother yet again….Seven times now she has taken a part of me….In a way I feel closer to our Lady but yet I feel there is yet more I can do to further her….

I think I need to become even more selfish in a sense…I can not stay out of battle….It is not my way but I can think more about my role in battle and let others take more of the punishment.

If Hardragh wishes us to go to such places then he can stand in front and take the hits while I cast and join the battle at my leisure….I do need to curb my desire to use our Lady’s lightening so freely though and pick my times better…but you know how it is Ardal….you understand how her power coursing through you feels….

I will go to my Lady when the soul mother claims me….But I do not want to leave when I feel I have so much left to do and I suppose selfishly I do not wish to leave that man of mine or my children.

I….I surprised myself Ardal….We had spoken….of things possibly best left unspoken…..and to prove his love for me Jeran wanted to make a blood oath in our Lady’s Temple….He asked for my ceremonial dagger….and he cut his palm….He asked me how these blood oaths went and I simply took the dagger from him, cut my palm, laced my fingers through his and pressed the wounds together….He understood straight away what it meant….That I was bonding us by our blood….That it was the only commitment I could show him, it was the greatest commitment I could show him….Our Lady will always be first….Jeran understands that but he knows he has my heart as much as I can give it to him….My nature may not always be static…But my love is……

[DMOE]

Dearest Ardal,

Another job for Gix.....Another useless attempt to work together as a group....And then.....*a spot of ink as if the quill touched the parchment for too long*

I was angry, we spoke at cross words....He told me I did not support him and he walked away....He walked away from his blood oath....He made lies of everything he ever told me....Not again.....I will not open myself to another to be left Ardal....first you....Now Jeran....No one will reach the core of me again....He can rot for me now....There is no coming back from that....It took so long to believe his words were true....Maybe it was all a ploy to get back at me....Maybe they were never true....Maybe it was just to wait until he could hurt me the most and then do so....But that is all the wondering I will do Ardal

I am our Lady’s....I adapt and overcome....And I will no longer weaken myself with these feelings....My love is for my Lady and my children now....No other.

[DMOE]

My beloved Jeran,

I was so angry, so very shocked.  I couldn’t understand why you would do that to me....It seemed so much against everything that had gone before.  It was as if you wished to wound me to my very core....But then, you knew that and did my love....but not for the reasons I feared...

You know my heart and mind so well my love....You knew that if you were threatened I would never leave your side so you did the only thing you could think of to keep me safe....I know that now.

You made that choice for me, for you could not bare to see me hurt, you would rather die knowing I hated you than live to see my blood seeping away.  Know my love, wherever you are that I do not hate you, could not hate you for my love for you has always been strong.

How I wish it could have been different, but there has never been much worth in wishing on 'could have been’.  You are gone and I remain, but I remain knowing that you loved me with all that you are until you drew your last breath.  I will not see your sacrifice for me be in vain.  I will not see your love be wasted.

Rest easy my love, rest in the knowledge that my heart bursts with love for you as it always has, rest knowing I will always love you like no other....Rest my love

[DMOE]

My beloved Jeran,

I will not dwell on the fact you are no longer with....I will simply say that I wish you were still by my side.  Things were so much simpler when you were.  I had my focus on Mist and all that entails and the knowledge that my partner totally supported me.

You aided me with the Bowl of Nature.  Together we struck the deal that ensured Mist would not only get her rightful credit but that led to Brisbane building the Shrine to Mist in her Grove in thanks.  What more could I ask for in my life partner than for my goals to aided such.

I got her back Jearn....Her mind is broken but vengeance has been taken for all that died. Ardal.....Ardal has never really passed to Mist’s side....Probably good you weren’t around for that as his love for me is part of that reason and I know you’d manage to be jealous of a ghost.  He visits me still....when I am on a cliff in the storm.  Hardragh didn’t seem to like that....There’s another one who can get jealous at anything but unlike you, he has never had the right to.   I have found Bevin somewhere to heal as best she can and have gained a ship and a loyal crew to serve Mist.  I continue to move towards my goals.

Hardragh continues to drive me to distraction....Sometimes I think it would be best if I simply told him to find another to guide him but then, there is a challenge in everything and a challenge I must rise to.  He claims he has not changed but he has, I do not know if it is that gypsy or simply a natural change but it annoys me that he refuses to see it and claims I am the only one who changes.

I left the Arm’s...I will not stay somewhere where were a paying tenant can be treated as I was when Jacc and Elladan gave me the news of your death and the management do nothing....but then....I am certain she hates me so should have expect no less than the one who acts like a jealous child because she can not have Hardragh’s complete attention.  She told him she worried I would turn him into a lapdog....like you were.  I told him if he truly thought you were a lapdog my love he was blind and that I will kill him if he spoke of you in such a way again....I think she simply worries that while he is around me he can not be fully her lapdog.

I lived at Corax Lake awhile but this also seemed to bother Hardragh, so much so that when he heard of a house for sale in Leringard he took me to view it and lent me the last of the coin I needed to buy it.  I truly fail to see why he wishes me so close to him.

But I have a house now, a base to travel from....somewhere the children can come and visit.  It was bitter sweet though my love...for it reminded me of our plans to have children of our own once we had a home of our own.  I will bare no more children.  You showed me that I can love and that I actually enjoy loving, sharing my life with another but I will not have a child with anyone.  I wanted your children my love, not simply more children.

I miss you but I am moving on.....Living my life as I know you would wish me to do...I know some of my choices may make you want to throttle the very life out of me I’m sure.

Rest well my love...rest knowing whatever I do in my life I will always love you.

[DMOE]

My beloved Jeran,

Well....I found out why he wanted me so close.  He wants us both.  He wants me to be there day in, day out to walk by his side but to have the freedom to run off every time she clicks her fingers.

I explained how I could not share someone emotionally....He of course told me I had changed and seemed slighted he could not have his own way.  

He asked me to trust him....I asked him not to hurt me....

I'm not sure if she was off travelling as her kind often does but he was by my side for days and weeks.  You were right....I should have killed him and been done with it.

He pushed....I was foolish and responded.

And then he told me he isn't ready to give her up....well I'm not gonna wait around keep his bed warm when she is travelling on the off chance he ever is.

He pushed some more....I, against my better judgement was honest...He needed to think....and again...I have changed.....he doesn't want to give her up and he acted slighted by it all.

Twice spurned....He made it look so easy....As if it was nothing to him that I had been honest, open.  Almost as if it were my fault.

I find it ironic really....He obviously wishes a more serious and committed relationship with her but I think he fears that she will rebel at it but yet he spent weeks by my side and didn't feel trapped.  Only when I said he could not have us both was I 'trapping' him.  He should just admit he loves her and sort it out with her and stop pursuing me.

He can't have his cake and eat it and nor will he ever but yet he refuses to give me up totally almost as strongly as he refuses to admit how he feels about her....Maybe while he clings to me in some way he can keep denying how he truly feels about her.

He has made his choice....It is his lost and that is all the dwelling I will do upon his choice.

I know you would hate reading this....I know you wanted to kill him and I know part of that was the connection you were not blind to between us but rest easy for I will never love another as I love you.

[DMOE]

My beloved Jeran,

So much has happened....

I continue to work towards my goals; I still feel as strongly as ever that Mist wishes me to be Tempest one day.

I had an opportunity recently to bond with a planar creature, like the ones that were 'draining’ Hardragh.

No one truly understands them or what they are capable of....This one was dying and needed a partner to link to in order to live.

I offered myself willing as his link because I feel the potential to Mist was far, far too great to let the chance pass.

Of course no one else understands that my love.....Not like you would have done.  I’m not saying you wouldn’t have been annoyed at me bonding myself to another but it is simply platonic and I am sure you would have seen the great benefits both to Mist and ourselves and well, it’s not like I didn’t share all that I could with you my love, like I have with no other.

Maybe that’s why some cannot grasp it.....Because they know I do not share myself with them like I did with you and yet I allow this creature to be bonded to me....I could swear they are jealous but that is their problem my love, not mine!

I share an empathy with this creature and I am teaching him and his kind about the world they now in habit, teaching them from my perspective.....Time will tell if they are a useful tool for Mist or not but I have faith.

Hardragh tried to say that he thought my bonded to Mist was the most important thing in my life and that this new bond somehow lessened that.....I could not help but laugh to myself, pointing out that if I had offended Mist she would have struck me down without a second though or taken away my ability to cast her blessings and she had done neither but that if he felt he knew Mist’s will better than she to feel free to strike me in her place....He declined.

The children continue to grow, Myr is woodsy like his Father and Moira has begun bardic training with Geir, a good strong Misty from Krashin.  At least since I got my own house they have been able to visit me which they have both enjoyed.

Hardragh has begun his training to be a Voice with a man called Broanan.....Again a good strong Misty from Krashin.  I have travelled with Broanan occasionally and sometimes with Hardragh and Broanan when Hardragh trains.  Broanan is as dedicated to our Lady as I am my love and it is refreshing to spend time with one such as him.

I named the ship...finally! It is called the revenges release which I though quite fitting in the circumstances....I try to sail with the crew from time to time to show them that their choice was indeed the right one and to instruct those that wish it in the ways of Mist.  I use it as a refuge too sometimes, somewhere to get away from everyone and simply be a priestess of Mist enjoying the gift of my Lady’s ocean.  I would have loved to have been able to take you sailing my love although I’m sure you would have complained about the hard work and sea spray.

As part of my path towards Tempest I still continue to improve my Lady’s good name....Teaching those without sense that chaotic is not evil and that sometimes Mist aids as much as she destroys in her chaos.

I still miss you my love.....More so at times when those around me do not understand me and I know you would have but while I miss you I do not stop living because of it, it’s not my nature to and it would make a mockery of your sacrifice for me.

I’m sure you’d be smiling to know that there are others still jealous of you in some ways, even though you have left this world.

Rest easy my love, rest knowing I love you as always

[DMOE]

My Beloved Jeran,


  The bond deepens, grows......to be so connected to another creature is strange.

  I continue to move forward on my path, to aid people in Mists name as well as spreading chaos.

  Hardragh got the wench with child although it hasn’t stopped him seeing others of course....A elven woman named Jaelle.  I seem to be the only non-elf he has bedded.......I’m not sure if I should be flattered or just simply think more that he bedded me for his own progression.  His training continues and ironically I seem to have taken his other woman under my wing.

  I’d like to say it was to make his life more difficult to be truth be told I recognise some of me in Jaelle and I know he will flit and twist, ensnare Jaelle’s feelings but when all is said and done, it is her that he will return to.  I wish Jaelle to be strong enough when he does.  

We keep our connection secret.....Now that I do because I know it galls him.....Although we rarely speak these days....It seems time with me is too taxing.

  I have a lover, a man dedicated to me.....I do not love him like I do you my beloved but it suits my purpose to have him in my life....He is a strong warrior and will die to defend me.  He does not fire my heart or light my days as you did my beloved.

  I am aiding a school.....Hardragh asked back when we still spoke....It seems a litch is involved and all our families are threatened if we continue.  

It may sound cold to others but I know you would understand when I say Myr is a man now, Moira almost a women.....They need to stand on their own two feet....I plan to be Tempest....there will be many who would use them against me.....As much as I love them, they need to survive and overcome or be mourned in their passing for this will simply be the first of many threats.  

I wonder how others will react if the threats are carried out.

  My love burns for you beloved, warming you still