The Journal of Aeryn Tahl'aer

[Canyonman]

Journal Entry One:

Unfortuantely, I have not kept up with my writings.  Mother, if she were still alive, would not be happy.  I do not have much time, and my tales are many, but I wish to at least make a small attempt to begin the story of my life, my love, and especially my work to restore the bladesong to the elves.  But time is short this day and I fear that I shall have to update at another time.  I promise Mother, I will continue to practice my writing.

[Canyonman]

Second Journal Entry:

It has been a few weeks since I wrote, but I am making progress.  I must return to the first day that I arrived to Hlint and the first person that I spoke with, Dorena Abianca, the Ranger of Folian.  She helped my first few weeks around Hlint and showed me many places to get work and helped me with many quests against foes.  I can honestly say that I did fall in love with her, but I did soon learn she was bonded to a Half-Elf named Jacciari, a very quiet, capable man.  I had the fortune to see them work in battle together and was amazed at their skill and teamwork with each other.  Although I have feelings for Dorena, I can honestly say it is becoming more of one of a sisterly love, than that of what I felt earlier.  She will always be a true friend.

I have also begun an inner-struggle with my feelings of the race that killed my parents, the drow.  There are many, called by the dragon.  I have had many 'run in' with a few and started to hate them even more.  But I had a good discussion with a man named Barion, and though I do not take everything he says at full value, he did make a strong case for them being here and serving the dragon.  I still do not trust them, for I have seen none of their so called valor, but will take a wait and see approach before I shall do anything.  I am not as naive as to think that they are not skilled in battle and I would do nothing against them, but become another gift to the soul mother.  But I shall watch and see if I see evidence of the good deeds to the cause.

Finally, I must write about my work to restore the bladesong to the elves.  The bladesong is a fighting style that my people wielded in the ages past.  A blend of magic and swordplay, that looks as if the elf is dancing with the enemy.  Some would say it is now called a spellsword, but there is no graceful beauty in the dance of that profession.  More for humans, half-elves, and the other races, spellswords rely more on there armor than the bladesinger.  Bladesingers will rely on their spells to aid them.  It has been a hard lesson to learn, but I am an elf and time is with me.  I shall continue to search for the blend of magic and sword that is the bladesong.

I hope mother would be proud of my efforts.

[Canyonman]

Third Journal Entry:

I am sorry mother.  I know I should practice my writings more, but the practice of my blade and magic take more of my time than I would like at times.  I fear the bladesong is lost.  I had almost given up hope until my two most dear friends gave me wise advise.  First the staunch Jaleel, in his quiet manner, stated he would not leave the path of finesseful warrior.  Though his words were few and not meant to hurt, I have though deeply on breaking my oath as a bladesinger to wear the light armors.  I wish I had the discipline of my friend.  Secondly, were the words of my dearest friend Dorena.  There is always hope.  Simple and yet deeply profound words for me in my time of thought.  I shall return to my work of restoring the bladesong to the elves.  I will not waver from it again, remaining disciplined as my friend Jaleel, and always clinging to hope as sweet Dorena has said.

As you can tell from my writings above, I have broken my oath to restore the bladesong.  I shall have to start from the beginning, to have the hope Dorena has spoken of, and will forsake all armors for a time.  I fear death will be often, but I do not fear death.  I hope not to shy away from adventure or the frontlines, as it pains me to see them run by in that ghostly state, trying to return to their graves.  I saw Jaleel in such a state and did not accompany him back, something I regret truly.  I was scared to enter the greypeaks.  But I will no more fear death.  For this will be my guide: No greater love has a man than this, than he lay his life down for his friends.  If I shall pass from this world it will be for that cause.

That is all for now.  I miss you mother.  I miss you father.  I may and hope to see you soon.

[Canyonman]

Fourth Journal Entry:

I feel that I must write, for adventures are few and far between for me.  I have been thinking about much lately.  Friends, adventure, and of course, the bladesong.  My quest to seek the once beautiful fighting art is a great adventure in and of itself.  It is a fine line I walk between death and restoring the bladesong fully to my people the elves.  Many do not understand my need to walk this line and I believe finding me a little odd.  Most bladesingers were seen as such and feared by many more.  But, I will continue to work to blend my magic and sword into one harmonious whole.  It is a great adventure.

I travel a lot these days with Jaleel.  He has gained much recognition and has many that he travels with and always is quick to include me.  I have been many places that I could not travel alone, because of his friendship.  He has asked me about the bladesong a few times, seeking to follow its ways, but it is hard to tell my friend that he cannot learn its secrets.  It is for my people only and the penalty is death for any who teach it to one of the other races.

As for Dorena, I have not seen her in many days.  I miss talking to her and seeing her face.  Whether love or friendship, I am unsure, but I do know I miss her presence.  I hope to see her soon so we may talk of each others adventures and how we have fared in the past few months.  I hope she is well, and safe.

*with a slightly concerned expression, he closes his journal and leaves the Wild Surge in search of his friend*

[Canyonman]

Fifth Journal Entry:

I do not know what to think.  I am unsure of everything right now.  The one I adore, the one I...care for deeply, was not who she really was.  A doppleganger?  A demon?  What was she?  Does the real Dor even know how I really feel?  Or did I pour out my heart to the lie?  I would never break the bond of Dor and Jacc.  It is against my nature to do so, although I do....care for her.  I think I saw her a eve past, after the party set out to rescue her.  If it was her, she did not acknowledge me, so I must assume she knows nothing of me.  Perhaps it is best.  Perhaps I should fade away with memories of...a lie?  I am sure Jacc will never trust me, now that he knows I...care for her.  

But, also my concern lies in the fact, that did I care for the one that was the fake Dor?  How much time did I spend with...'it'?  I know that the creature, or aberation, must be of malecontent to do what 'it' did.  But, the being, never took advantage of the knowledge of my feelings for Dor. Does that mean 'it' cared for me?  I cannot lie, the last time I spent with, the 'lie', my heart wished to go further and act upon my desires.  I do believe the 'thing' knew this.  But nothing happened.  'It' never took the situation further, as I would not allow have allowed the situation to have gone further.  I am confused.  I am hurt.  I am alone.

I care for...I love...a lie.

*sighs and stares at the page, unsure of everything in his life, once again*

[Canyonman]

Sixth Journal Entry:

*digging through his pack, he finds his journal at the bottom*

*sighing he takes it out...and says, "I am sorry mother"*

*reading the pages, he thinks of his friends...friends he has not seen in many years...he smiles*

I have closeted myself away for too many years.  I have researched and researched, looking for the final forms of the bladesong, to make the song complete.  I believe it only to be found on Voltrex.  It is like my people to gaurd, that which we hold dear, its secrets from the other races.  If my father had not filled my head with the stories of the past...

*smiles at the memories*

But I will continue down my chosen path.  Life...death...they do not matter much really.  It is the people we are around and what we do for them that really matters most.  I shall make new friends...Zergon...Alu...and...Talia.  They are what matters.

I cannot think straitght at the moment, perhaps I should write later.

[Canyonman]

Seventh Journal Entry:

I am Aeryn Tahl'aer. A bladesinger. I have researched to the ends of the great lands of Layonara, but it seems that the bladesong is lost to the continent of Mistone. I believe it has been secreted away to the lands of Voltrex, to be hidden away by the elves there. I know why. It is a secret and ancient form of blended blade and magic. A true bladesinger is a formidable oppenent indeed. In the hands of the 'lesser' races, those who seek to only benefit themselves through fame and glory would distort its intended purpose. The harmonious whole of blade and magic.

I fear I will never find the truest form of the bladesong on Mistone or Dregar. I may too never make it back to to the lands of my parents, Voltrex, from where my father would tell me stories of the great deeds of the bladesingers dedications to blade and magic. Death has come often, not only to me, but to that of my friends as I seem to be unable to aid them with my skills of the bladesong. I have even forsaken some of my vows as to the choice of armor that I would don in seeking to aid my friends. I feel as if I am torn between to worlds, my quest to seek the bladesong form and to aid the friends I love so dear.

I seek a compromise, whatever the consequences that I may receive. I seek not only to continue in my quest for the bladesong, but I would wish to aid my friends through my singing itself. I wish to give up my intense focus as a fighter and my keen research of the weave to become a true bard. My father told me of more than one tale of bards that new the forms of the bladesong and of their deeds to spread the elven ways to the other races.

I request this only as a true friend of my friends and will take any consequence of the gods or the powers that be.