Character Development > Development Journals and Discussion

The wind and the leaf

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[SIZE=16]Well here I am, debarked from the boat to Hempstead and not five minutes in, I could feel their gazes on me, hearing whispering at my back. I felt exactly as when I was young again.

Met some people.. other adventurers, they call themselves. I think they are a bit more open minded since they didn't try to kill me. But they ask so many questions.... Ayana is a sweet little ranger, introspective it seems. She ran home without saying goodbye though.. a bit lacking in manners? Oh well who isn't. There there was this blond called rose.. woa.. stunning and well.. hmm I think i could dream about her a bit. Shy though and really quiet. We went into the kobolds camp us three, but came out empty handed.  Then there is this Iris, and other cute lass, very talkative and very questioning too. Fun to have around though. Met a half orc by the name of Rak, and elf that .. well seems to like to crouch more than walk... infant stage in adult hood? wouldn't be the first time I see that. And that Arthemist following her, not sure what's up with the bottle that he was talking to her about as if trying to feed her. People can be strange some times. We cleared the kobolds twice that day. For the farmers, they said. I just had the urge to beat them up, for good or bad, who really cares as long as you do the job. But then there was an other rose.. that one had thorns longer than a bulls horn.  The witch killed me with a fireball... I swear.. if it wasn't for Selaan voice resonating in my head with her teachings.. I would have just sliced her up.. I had the urge.. really really wanted too, but it wouldn't be right.

This morning I woke up with those nightmares again.. Why can't they just leave me alone.. the symbols that I just don't comprehend.. the blood and death and carnage.. and fire like some fire pits. I just had to get up and I started to train with my blades. I realize that this is a whole different game out here. I need to train more.. I need to become so at ease with them that they are part of who I am. like if they were my arms. As one.

Oh and apparently there is someone like me.. well I don't know yet. Some guy told me to go to Leringuard and look for a man with blue skin. He didn't know his name.. just said that there was someone as odd as me there. Well see.[/SIZE]

Time has flown by at an alarming rate. Since I stepped foot off that boat, sick as an old dog, I have met many new faces, but most I don't trust. There is a few I do however. Maran for one, even if we banter a lot, mostly for fun in my case, I still trust the fact that he is a nature lover. Mirren, a sweet lady, but sadden and hurt from something her past that she doesn't remember. Rose, that is still so quiet, but now I know that something horrible happened to her with a demon. And finally but none the very least, Bellethiel. I can't explain it, it just clicked I guess. We have been getting closer to one an other for the past few months. She likes going into reverie, her head on my lap that is for sure and it seems that she is interested in me. I CAN'T hide the fact that I am, even more after the treasure hunt marathon I have made for her through Mistone and Alindor. She did tell me then that I did something that really meant something for her. That she loved to see in a man. Although I think it has brought us maybe closer, at least I know she knows how I feel, I have to say that I am unsure of what she feels at all. There is time she seems interested and other times she flirts with others.

One things for sure, each night that she was with me, I have not had any nightmares. She has a calming effect on my spirit, but it's not constant. There is time I get angry.. Idoran is presently feeling some of it, but because she is always there, it forces me to keep it under wrap. But the nights that she is not there, I dream. Savage dreams, dreams of people I have never seen, of some I have seen. Battles, eternal fire, exterminations. And since I have met Belle, the dreams includes her now, and it is freaking me out.

Why does it do that? because I care.. can I not care about someone, something without having to pay the price for it? Can I not have a semi normal life, with someone to care for, to bring joy to? Or am I doomed to be the pariah of the world because of my blood? Sometimes.. living alone in the woods with the animals as company is much, much simpler.

With all of that I am still looking for that man with blue skin. I have spent entire days in Leringard looking for him. But I hate cities to the outmost, and city folks distrust me at the outmost too seeing my red eyes. Not a good mix to maximize my search.

Well I have finally found him, a joy followed by turmoils.

His name is steel and he will train me if I get him hickory dust.

But that is overshadowed by the rest. One simple question from what seems to be a player, are we courting? And all that came out of those pretty lips of her, is.. silence.

Now what am I going to do with all that I have collected for her surprise? Is it even worth it anymore? If one stranger can bring that kind of silence...

I guess I have to get it through my thick skull. Who would want to be with what I am. I am not good looking, people find me scary because of my eyes, if not a circus act. I have a bad temper. I feel torn inside of me because of my blood. So why would someone want this into their life when there is some Idoran and Lance running around? Hell even my parents couldn't deal with what I am that they left me to die in the forest.

But for the sake of all things, I will do as I have always did. Keep it in me, bury it with all the rest. Push on and go on with life, as if there was nothing to it, nothing to harm the carapace I erected long ago. Wearing that smiling mask that everything is alright. To concentrate on my trainings and leave the rest come if it comes. I am what I am. I have to admit and face it, born from the pits and a stigmata.

They say that after the rain, there is sun. After the night, there is day. We shall see.

Why.. oh Why did I leave my forest??

So much gathering my feets hurt. But at least now my surprise is complete, and I have some of the dust for steel. But since that night at the stormcrest, I have not seen Belle. Maybe she's fallen for that elf player and they have stormed off together somewhere. If it's the case, it just shows you how getting attached to people is dangerous, when you are someone like me.

Even though, he hasn't started training me, I still have practice a lot on making the doubleblades as part of myself. The kobolds have felt the searing pain of my blades a lot, while I was out there getting the things I needed. The question is, did I get all of this for nothing?

Well, time goes by, and by, and by and byandbyandby.

 I haven not seen Steel since that day with Belle where he told me he would teach me if I got him some Hickory dust. Which I did and now it stands at the bank waiting for the day I would be able to give it to him. In the mean time I keep training as hard as I can, focusing on every movement so that it is fluid and precise, strong and powerful, but without putting me in a disadvantage while I strike. Focusing of feeling through my two-bladed sword as if it was my own extended limb. I know it wont be easy and I will probably get bruised up more than nothing in those sparring session, but it means the whole world to me, to be as one with my weapon as one can be, so I can be better, stronger, faster and able to protect those around me, those dear to me.

To which I don't have many.. in fact I can count on three fingers on my hand who they are. And beside Rose, I have not seen any of them for some time now. It's itching, burning, pulling it in between loneliness, worries, pain, and joy. It's hard to explain even more hard to comprehend, but it's been a month and a half now since I have seen her. Ni said he has not seen Bellethiel either since that night at the Stormcrest.  Now I wonder if she will ever come back, almost anticipating at every corner hearing her familiar voice say "Feh! sweetie". No one ever told me that could be that heart wrenching. But then again, those that raised me, never were ones to care for love. They had their duties, their care for nature and that is it. Sure they cared for me.

The nightmares have intensified now. The more the time passes by the more those I know are seen dead in them. There is this presence, this shadow in my dream. I can never make it out. Evil, destroying everything it sees. Killing the one I care about. I don't want to admit it, but it does scare me. A whole lot...

Oh right, almost forgot. Helped a Farmer by the name of Pratt, his bloody stock changed into monsters while he was out in town and we were to care for them. Mushrooms apparently. And also was recruited lately by a rofi to escort him. Turned out that we had to go down a cave and look for a boy. What kind of parents would send their child to touch a shrine, knowing that he could get killed by the beasts that lived there, for a wager.. to win some acre of land so they can retire from hunting for the Prince of wolves. Of course we found the boy dead, and the father shared a moment of sadness, but he didn't really cared about him. He cared more about the family name and honor and now having his small piece of land.

I know what I will be doing for the next few years. Every same day of the year, I'll go and bring some wolves to his herd. To sacrifice a child to such pitiful end as having a land and for the honor of ones name. It sickens me.


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