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Author Topic: Xiao Lin - Straying from the Path  (Read 104 times)

ChrysEllis

Xiao Lin - Straying from the Path
« on: June 05, 2020, 10:35:52 pm »
Normally I meditate to work through my thoughts as I seek to make important decisions.  In this case, I find myself nearly paralyzed as I look to the possible paths ahead.  This decision is not one to be taken lightly, so I determined the best course of action would be to write my thoughts down, then return to them later.  Perhaps one course of action will emerge as the favored one, as I review my choices, which follow.

First, I can stay on my current path of training.  It has served me well in many ways, and puts me in a somewhat unique position within this realm.  As far as I know, I am as advanced in monk training as anyone else in these lands.  There is a certain appeal in continuing to advance towards perfection of oneself.  Of course, the closer one comes to that goal, the more one realizes that the goal is impossible to attain.  Ahhhh, the double-edged sword that is enlightenment.

It has become increasingly apparent to me that continuing to advance in my current mode of training serves my own vanity more than it does my fellow guild members, and other friends I travel with from time to time.  The life of a monk can be a lonely one, and I have come to discover that I actually enjoy the company of others, and cherish an existence based on relationships and camaraderie.  This leads me to my second choice.

The second choice would be to step away from the path of the monk.  My brotherhood of the Red Tiger disbanded many years ago.  I am the last of us.  Nothing I do, short of creating a new order, will change that.  I want to be a more useful member when I join others on dangerous excursions.  One choice stands out above others as a natural "fit" for me.  I have already been learning with others, such as Fehriel and Zigg, and practicing with various tools and kits, to manipulate the inner workings of traps, locks and tricks of combat. 

I realize I have only scratched the surface, though, and any meaningful progress will require study and discipline.  This is something I know I am capable of, based on my years of training in the brotherhood.  The physical skills I have honed will work well in this new field of study, as well.  If I devote myself to this new path, I can contribute to my traveling group in new and meaningful ways.

The title for this new path is Rogue, and, admittedly, it did give me pause, when I first considered this.  Over time, I have embraced the idea that there is no inherent good or evil, order or chaos in a name, or a title.  It is what someone does with their skills and training that matters.  Certainly, the band of murderous monks we have encountered demonstrates that no path or course of action ensures a purity of heart.  I would use my training to help my party, and contribute to our cause as we cleanse the lands of chaotic and evil enemies.

Of course, once I focus my attention in this new direction, it will mean bidding farewell to any chance of advancing further in my monk training.  This is not something I take lightly.  I will meditate on this and return to this journal to see if I am inspired to make a decision one way or another.
 

ChrysEllis

Re: Xiao Lin - Straying from the Path
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2020, 01:03:49 am »
I have taken a very important first step on this new path.  Though I hadn't fully decided one way or another, I realize that sometimes it is important to speak your intent to another, and allow for them to react to that intent.  My decision to move forward was not based on the reaction I got, of course.  It was based on my own feelings and inner response to their reaction.  I discovered that I was pleased, and was not secretly hoping someone would talk me out of this step.

Of course, I am speaking of Fehriel.  I hinted that I might want to learn more about one of the paths he has chosen for himself.  After a few prodding questions, I finally took the direct approach and asked if he would be willing to train me.  I know the expression, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears" and it seems that was the case here.  It was not a foregone conclusion, and Fehriel actually had to ensure I would be an acceptable student.  After all, what I am asking could be used in despicable ways, if put in the wrong hands.  So I was, in fact, relieved that he asked me some very direct and personal questions about why I wanted to learn his ways.  I would not want a teacher who would be willing to train someone with ill intent.

I also realize that Fehriel is the right kind of teacher for me in the physical sense.  His methods are nearly identical in some respects to what I was subjected to in my youth, yet, they are also quite different.  It is a lesson in keeping an open, beginner's mind in the face of apparent familiarity.  I can already tell that there is a certain finesse at play, and he is already training me to disarm an opponent in unconventional ways.  Some might call it sneaky and underhanded, but I see it more as misdirection used in its purest, and most lethal, form.  Every lesson will be one to raise my awareness, and not take anything for granted. 

And so, my lessons began in earnest this week.  Using candles, my training is timed, and even allows for breaks to eat.  That is an improvement over my training at the monastery, where fasting was considered an essential element, to purify the body of any needs or desires.  I recognize, though, that this new training is not about mastering the body through the mind.  Certainly, there will be elements of that.  I cannot fully express yet how this training will differ, but I know that it will broaden my horizons, and for that, I am grateful. 

I must rest my body and restore my strength now.  For, training resumes at dawn.  I will write more after my next set of lessons.
 

ChrysEllis

Re: Xiao Lin - Straying from the Path
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2020, 01:01:01 am »
I have just returned from some traveling, and would like to write down the experiences I have had with two very different rogues recently.  I am reminded yet again that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.  It seems I am being granted lessons from several teachers, at the moment.  Whether that is actually the intent of each is irrelevant, for it is the wisdom I gain from my interactions with them that is of my concern.

First, I traveled with Fehriel and a few others into the Scarab Dungeon.  He had decided he would use this outing to begin to train me in the detection of traps.  I discovered that my ability to avoid traps after they have been sprung has actually worked against me, because I rarely spotted a trap, even when moving slowly, before I heard the telltale 'snick' of a spring being sprung.  Granted, I never took damage from any of the traps, but if I am traveling with a group and they are relying on me to find the traps before they inflict damage upon them, then I had better learn how to spot them more easily.

My second experience was with a very different kind of rogue.  You might say he fits most people's preconceived idea of what a rogue is.   He seems to be always looking for the angle where he can take full advantage of others, and not just in combat, to inflict the most damage, if it suits him.  I prefer to see the positive side in people, but I fear that some very hard lessons were pounded into him at an early age, and those lessons would be extremely difficult to overcome.  I can see that he is developing into someone that prove a capable ally, but I would not want to have my life in his hands if he had to choose between me and his own interests.

I believe it will be important to continue to interact with both of these gentlemen as I move forward with my training.  They will serve as sounding boards for me to use to reflect upon my own motivations, and will help me decide on the kind of rogue I choose to be.
 
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