The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: AutisticWunderr on June 18, 2004, 01:31:00 PM
-
Full Name: Ameng Englen
Age: 378
Class: Mage
Race: Elf
Subrace: Wood Elf
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Deity: Lucinda
Short Bio / Description:
Sitting cross-legged on the forest floor, I sat eating a half-roasted rabbit, thinking about things I haven’t thought of in a long time.
Another adventurer went thru my forest today. She was a mage, though I’ve never seen her before.... like that’s unusual. Most faces I see coming into the High Forest are nothing but faceless, unknown people. At least back in the forests, I feel much more secure. I hide a good distance from all people that come here, watching them from afar, wondering why people want to go to a place as secluded as this.
"My forest.” I mumbled. "Why cant humanity just leave me alone? Why do people have to stray so far from roads?" The way I said it to myself, it surprised me how poisonous my voice sounded. I’ve wanted nothing but seclusion after fate turned its back on me.
But that mage did something I haven’t felt in a long time. She casted a rather strong spell. From the distance I was from her when she cast it, I knew what I was from the change of the world’s fabric surrounding her. It was Stoneskin. It made me yearn in my heart to use my strong magiks again. After setting down the rabbit I was eating, I take out a well worn parchment from the ragged clothes I was wearing.
Cantrips..... the only spells I vowed ever to use again. Tracing my fingers down the torn edge of the parchment, I think back to the empty tree I put my book, Braveheart, and Mages Armour.... along with some other trinkets in for safe storage. After some time, I folded the parchment back up, and then put it in my pocket again.
I every time I think of where this parchment came from, it reminds me why I left civilization.
.....civilization, bah. I’ve blamed civilization for my sorrow, my emptiness. I think it all started with my parents. They were one of the few forest people that thought that life was better outside the canopies. With their sword and faith in hand, they walked outside into the world of humans, wanting to help anyone that needed it.
My family always was a family of paladins. At the tender age of thirty, my mother would let me play with her short sword. Heavy in my hand, it would make the stories my parent told me become more vivid. When I turned 50, I begged my parents to take me to battles if and when they ever happened. Sitting on the very far outskirts of the battlefields, Id watch in stunned silence. Then something happened that shook my father’s faith to its core...... the death, or rather murder, of my mother.
I remember it also. Sitting on top of a hill, watching my parents and about 100 other people fight of a horde of orcs and hob-goblins from the northern reaches, Id watch how people used tactics and strategies. After it was all over, they ran off the horde. After I knew that there was not anymore danger on the field, I ran to my father, which was not more than 200 feet from me. After hugging him, I ran off to find my mother, but I couldn’t find her. Neither could my father, for that matter. It wasn’t till the morning when I found her.
I stood there, ankle deep in water at the bottom of a ravine to the right of the battlefield, standing over my mother’s corpse. From the impressions of the mud around her, it looked that there was one than one humanoid that held her down, while another bashed in her breastplate with some type of blunt instrument, most likely a warhammer. One of the things that still haunt me to this day is that she had a very faint smile on her face. I’ve always wondered in the last moments of her life, in all the pain she was in, what went thru her mind to raise a smile to her face. I reached down, and removed her signet ring from her finger, then turned around to go find father...... but I don’t remember anything till I woke up the next day in my parents house.
Looking at the rabbit I was eating, it occurred to me that I’ve been reliving the past for awhile... the rabbit was cold. So I put it back on the small fire I made, hoping that the warming of my dinner would be faster than the length of time I would probably sit here, remembering things I shouldn’t.
After my mother’s death, my father put up his sword, but not his love for me. In fact, I think he loved me too much, if there was a way to do that. Not wanting the same fate to happen to me, he paid for me to be schooled in the art of spellcraft. He kept all weapons of steel away from me for a long time, saying that steel is what killed my mother. But it was too late for that... I’ve watched my mother and father use longswords for too long. I think the main reason I went against my father on that subject was that, in a way, it made me feel closer to my mother.
After I finally got to the point that I was able to do cantrips, I went back to my fathers house, grabbed my mothers longsword off the rack above the fireplace, then walked out into the night, trying to get away from the terrors of the past.
That was the night that I found my way here, brought here by a golden dragon that I never knew of or heard of before.
The smell of the rabbit broke me from the flood of memories that was pouring forth tonight. I took the rabbit off, and after taking a few bites from it, I took a drink from the gourd I had beside me full of water. I never really knew how hungry I was till I let the rabbit fully cook.
___________
Laying back after dinner, I pondered about how much my life has changed after meeting the great golden one.
I have been thru much over all the years I’ve been here. Joy... love.... friendship... loss....pain. I close my eyes, turning my head up to the stars, listening to the crickets playing their melody just out of the range of the small fire.
Pain.....
Every time I think of it, the memories rush into me like it was only yesterday. Two times have I left humanity. Reason because, both were caused by selfishness, spite, or a combination of them both.
The first was my daughter, Petrani. Just her name reminds me of when carried her back to Hlint on that fateful day, her body still smoldering in my arms. Born in a moment of chaos, I kept her away from everyone’s eyes except for a select few people, fearing for my child’s life. After she grew to the point of choosing her path in life, she picked what I feared the most. A paladin.
I got up, and started walking on a trail I’ve walked down several times before. I had no need for a torch or any type of light. I am a forest person, this is my homeland. Wiping a tear from my eye, I keep thinking about why I always do this when I think of her. Why does looking at it help me? After some time, I finally get to the hollow tree where I stored my non-used items. After taking out all my stuff, I look around the items, like I do every time, to make sure there was nothing missing. My Mages Armour was there, along with my Braveheart, and the bags I held all my trinkets, including a curious looking wooden bird-like apparatus. And my last gaze went upon my spellbook.
After looking at it for some time, I finally pick it up, and open the book to where my page divider was. All this stuff wasn’t the reason I came, the divider was the reason. It was a lock of her hair. I picked it up, and rubbed it against my cheek, which yet again, let my thoughts run rampant.
I still remember that day like it was yesterday. Following a rouge mage that stole some coin from the bank, myself, along with my daughter and several other friends were trying to get her caught in a position in which we could apprehend her. She was a wiry person, using Invisibility when we got too close…. which was, to tell the truth a tactic I’ve used also a lot. My daughter, brash as ever, didn’t wait for us to go as a group after the wench became invisible and rounded a corner in a canyon. This was her downfall, for the mage had a trap waiting for us around the bend. Hasted and in waiting, Petrani took the full impact of all three of the fireballs from that mage. All of us felt the wave of heat, then the screams from my daughter…but it was too late when we got to her. She was already dead.
Stooped down, grieving over my fallen daughter, I looked up finally to see that the wench was trying to get away from us again by Invis. I wonder how many people have actually had a situation in which nothing matters. There is no pain, there is no fear, and there is no emotion. And to tell the truth, I’ve never been like that again. Without thinking about personal safety or to tell the truth, the safety of everyone around me, I jumped up and ran towards her as fast as I could. I couldn’t let her get away, not after this. She will get her just reward, I vowed that. I had to get to her before she finished her spell and escape again. Running as fast as I could, I noticed I was about 10 feet from her when she was finishing her spell. Muttering a spell while I jumped, I touched her Right when she disappeared. She lit up brighter than any lantern you could buy. I did it! I touched her with my light spell!
A tear hitting my hand jostled me out of my thoughts. Looking at the drop on my hand, I wondered how many of these have I shed throughout the years I’ve been in these woods. I guess I partially blame myself for her death…. It should have been me, not her. No mother should ever watch the death of their children, its something that cannot be healed.
So after we gave back the gold to the banker, I tried to revive her, but to no avail. I…. I just grabbed my necessities, and wandered into the deepest forests I knew of. Here.
Putting her lock back into my book, I look at a small silver ring I had in a cloth satchel. A common looking ring, I turn it over to see the name of the person that gave it to me, which was the reason why I went into seclusion the second time. Elvor.
Elvor was the only human that truly got under my skin, and I started to care for. She was also one of the few people I actually trusted with my daughter when she was a baby. She was in a way the closest a human could get into being a sister.
During my first seclusion, she disappeared, and was not heard of in a long time. And in all honesty, I wouldn’t have known anything about if it wasn’t for Llu’s strange magical flying contraption I still keep with me. I got the message from one after about 6 months into my seclusion, asking if I knew where she might be at. Concerned for her, I grab what I brought with me and start looking for her. It took a long time, but I did find her. What she was trying to do during that entire time was to find a way home, and she … found…. A way, she said thru the help of a mysterious stranger. The stranger asked her to get a staff of the magi, and give it to him, fore it was an ingredient to the portal he was trying to make. After finding one, we got back to the masked figure to send her home. Tears streaming from my eyes, we said our goodbyes, but before she left, she gave me this ring. The man then broke the staff, which almost killed me and the 2 other people that was there to see her passage. But the man disappeared before we were able to find out if the portal got her back to her home world….which is the reason I went back into seclusion.
“If I ever find you dark one, I will have my revenge.”, I said sporadically thru the tears in my eyes.
But then, sudden realization slapped me upside the head.
…. Throughout the years I’ve been in these woods, I lost everything I didn’t lose with just the death of my daughter and the unknown location of my human sister.
“I… cannot… continue living like this…. I need to go…back.”, I whispered to myself, knowing all too well that the fear of going back into humanity is sending chills down my spine. If I stay here, I would grow old by myself, keeping the wall up around my heart, to make sure no one hurt me ever again.
But is that the right way to live? My parents would have been ashamed at me, knowing that no matter how bad something happens, you would always have friends to help you go thru it. But I even alienated myself from them.
Putting all my stuff in my sheet I had, I walked over to the small fire, and tore a piece of empty parchment from one of the back pages, and started to write with a piece of charcoaled stick.
“Llu, This is Ameng. Several years ago, you contacted me with one of your contraptions, in order to send me a note. Well the favour has been returned tonight, for this note will be carried back by the same apparatus that was used so many years ago by you.
…. I’m coming home.
Ameng Englen”
Rolling up the sheet, I attach it to the apparatus, and then let the wooden bird toy go to go find its owner.
After letting it go, I grab what I brought with me, and started walking south, until I get to a road. And then, I’m going to Hlint.
I truly hope I am ready for the world. Or better yet, is the world ready for me again?
Only time will find out.
-
Are you wishing to start your character over again?
-
No maam. I thought that since I was never on the new forum system, that I needed to at least put in a submission for Ameng. That way people could know a little bit about her history and background.
-
Well, I finally made it to Hlint.....
It was so nice to see so many faces that ran thru my head during my seclusion.
So many shocked faces to see me again..... it makes me wonder why I even went to the High Forest to begin with.
And so many new faces Ive never seen before.
I now know that one of the reasons my heart went cold is because my friends were not there to warm it.
That will be a mistake I shall never do again, this I promise.....
-
After taking a seat at my desk, I open up my diary, take out my ink and quill, and sit there.... wondering...on how I could write down what happened today. Just thinking about it again brings a smile to my face, warmth to my heart, and life back into me. How can I justify my feeling in my diary about this and give it justice?
I just sit back in the chair, close my eyes, and remember it all over again.
After all these years of wathcing, being nothing but friends but wanted more, holding my tongue on my true feelings.... wanting, yet so afraid of speaking my thoughts, it was him that broke the silence of my internal stubborness.
I admit I was always a little jelaous when I saw him being playful around other women, but I think it was my jelaousy that made the night happen the way it did.
I chuckle to myself. "Amazing, isn't it Ameng?" Heh, look at me, Im talking to myself now... Im all flustered, sont know exactly how and in what way to act now. He just threw my world upside down.......... and to tell the truth, Ive never felt so good in such a long time.
I stand up, and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of wine. While standing close to the oven sipping on my glass, I ponder about my past and future for a moment. Back when I came to this world, I was a young elf that didnt know anymore than the basics for survival, if you can call it the basics. I fell in love then, to someone I still dont know today as to what happened to him. He gave me seed, then just vanished, leaving me to raise a child on my own, with some help from my oldest friends here. Fate was not kind to me then, but it didnt matter, the best part of my life was a gift from him, my daughter. And fate and the family curse couldnt stop there, they had to take her from me 3 heartbeats after they gave her to me it seemed.
..... All the years afterwards, I put a wall up, not wanting anyone to get close enough to me again to have the chance of hurting me. But throughout those years, even in my seclusion years, he was still on my mind.
I rinse the glass out, and sit it on a towel. He has been on my mind that long, hasnt he? Laughing to myself, I realize how school-girlish I sound. Closing my eyes, I remember his voice, his words, his embrace......Lucinda help me with the thoughts that are going through my head... I fear for him, he just doesnt know Im not going to let him go, hes mine.
With a smirk, I turn around and head back to my desk, journal waiting for me. Oh, how I love that man, Ive loved him for years.... and now I know its both ways. Its all true! It feels so good that Im letting my heart live again.... and I dont think anyone but hum would ever have done it.
Giggling, I remember we both went out shopping for a new dress for me after we told each other our feelings towards each other. How he liked watching me try on different garments. I think I really enjoy the attentiona lso, its good to have that again. But I didnt buy the dress while he was there, I bought it when he left. Looking over at the bundle on the bed, I smile at the thought of him seeing me in it the forst time. No more dark, dreary clothes for me, no need for it anymore. My life and light is here to stay.
I turn my attention again to my journal. ...Not one word have I written in it. I just cant think of a way I can write down my feelings and give them the proper merit. After some time, I finally give up, saying to myself Im just going to lay down, rest, and think of him and how Im going to write down my feelings in my diary tomorrow. I close my diary, and lay down in my bed. Though I cant sleep, I still like to lay down, close my eyes, and just let my mind wander for hours at night when humans sleep.
And tonight, my mind will be reliving his hands upon my cheek, the smell of his hair, the warmness of his embrace, the tenderness of his kiss.
I turn over to the wall, letting the candle make my shadow lok like its dancing.After some time, I whisper to myself... "I love you, oh how Ive waited to say that to you."
I close my eyes, letting my imagination loose. Today, I am a new woman..... because my other half has finally found me. Smiling, I let my mind start to relive this day over again, still having a hard time believing that my prayers have been answered.
Lucinda has lead him to my door, and I will never leave his side. I shall be his everything, his support, his love, his.... everything.
I whisper to my cushion....... " I love you so much."
-
Ameng lays awake in bed beside Ozymandias, listening to his gentle breathing. After waiting for some time, she slowly gets out of bed, careful not to disturb him. She walks into the hallway, lights a candle, then goes into the livingroom. Taking her diary out of the desk, she sits down, opens to the next blank page, and starts writing.
______________________________________________
Well, today, I would swear was a dream if it wasnt for his embrace, his kiss. I really don't know how to write down what happened to today and give it justice, so I will try as hard as I can. The sad part about it though was that I believe my emotions might have never made it happen. Thank Lucinda for his trust in me.
Jealousy took the better part of me for the past few days, I guess because Im starting to become a senile old elf. I have been in a relationship with Ozy for some time now, and I know he has a rather strange fascination with licking ears. Ive almost gotten used to it, in fact at times I thought it was rather funny, but a rumor I heard put thoughts of doubt in my mind. When I saw my beloved next, we took a boat to a location close to his house, and started talking. After some time, my fear and jealousy was put asunder, and we started talking about the future.
When walking up to a lake, I ask Ozy what he sees coming out of our relationship. I was a few steps behind him, so I didnt see his expression on his face when he answered simply, though I woldnt need to see it. "Children..... Marrage." This kind of took me by surprise, since I still am rather shocked at having my dream mate be a part of my life.
We finish walking up to the lake, sit down by the shore, and start looking at the waves dance across the surface. After some indepth rather interesting side conversations, he asked me the same thing. And as always, being the open kin of woman I am, I let him know the truth.
"I can see me in the near future, hair messed up, chasing children around a house, trying to keep them out of the library tomes, components, food, just generally keeping them safe. All the while, trying to have the house clean, and cook a meal for you. When you get home, I see me trying to get to you through the children trying to get a kiss from you, taking your cloak and boots, then walking to the livingroom to take off the dust cover off your chair, so you might enjoy a book by the fireplace while I feed the children."
"I also see me standing just out of sight, behind the childrens room at night, listening to you spin tales about the past, with thier eyes wide open in awe as to what we have seen in this adopted world of ours. After you kiss them good night, we walk into the livingroom, and enjoy our time alone together, since we probably wont have much then, talking to each other, looking into each others eyes, still seeing the spark that we started decades ago."
"When our bones are weak, our knees almost unable to support us, I see us at the end of a banquet table, celebrating out 700th anniversary, our children there. along with our childrens children, both of us holding hands, looking down the table, seeing the tenderness and love we created throughout the centuries. Having our grandchildren and great-grandchildren sit on our laps, we let them hold obsolete items from an age gone by."
Ozy, always looking at the lake while I was talking looks at me after I finish, smiles, and says "Do you see that? Or is that something you want?" I look at him, smile sheepishly, then say that yes, it is a little of both. After that, I lay my head in his lap, letting him run his fingers through my hair; letting him do tender things like this, things Ive never let a male get close enough to allow them to give me such tenderness.
We decide to go swimming in the lake for some time, being free-hearted... something Ive learned to do again with his guidance. The lake was cold, the water clear, and the exilaration unbelievable. After coming out o the lake, we dry off, plop down on the beach again, and start daydreaming. After some time, Ozy cuddles up to a book, and startenjoying it to the point I think he actually started resting. It was this time I walk to an overhanging cliff, and pray to Lucinda for the blessings she has given me so recently. Afterwards, I go back, and lay down beside him to daydream some.
After some time of daydreaming, enjoying each other companies, I roll over on my back, look up at the stars, and ask some more off the wall questions, just to see how he responds. After about an hour of these rather stranges questions, I sit up to watch the lake with him. It wa sthen when he pulled out a ring. Me being the niave lass I am, and since we both use the weave, I thought it was another ring he crafted. I asked him what properties it has, and his response made be go speechless.
I was expecting a reply like " It makes the wearer able to manipulate the weave better", or "It will make the owner a little stronger", but his reply was what I always dreamed of hearing.
"It shows the love for you that will never die in my heart. It shows the everlasting bond that I will have for you till the end of time."
I was speechless.... (I know, one of the few times in my life I ever have been)... I really didnt know what to say. "Are... are you?" was all I could say at the time. All he did was smile, put the ring on my finger, and say "Yes".
I was astounded! This is the man Ive dreamed of for decades, hiding in the back of a crowd of adventuring party, always thinking that he thought of me as a young, brash, hot-temperd elvish lass who didnt know how to control her emotions. My memories blazed back to the time I first met him, not 3 hours after the Great One brought me here, alone and afraid, not knowing where I was, where I was going to get my next meal.
"Yes..... By Lucinda tears yes! Ozymandias Llewellyn, I do!"
I was so full of joy, I just tackled him where he was sitting, and just sat there, embracing him, rubbing noses, putting my ear to his chest, listening to his heart, all the while he was stroking my hair. Ozy, never stopping, asked, "Well, when and where?"
We discussed this for awhile. I originally wanted a really small wedding, just our closest friends there. But... after some thinking, I said that the people that are most important is already here, we just need to find a priest. Ozy, the smooth talker he always was, coyfully replied, "But love, dont you know, I am a priest of my church."
So we stood there, away from humanity, with no prying eyes..... we said our vowes to each other, and we kissed to make it complete.
Im on a new road I havent traveled before diary. I havent been this lost since I came here, though it is not like when I did come to this place, the joy in my heart cannot be written down properly. Im a married woman now, I am no longer alone in this world. My past has been pock-marked with darkness, but it's so hard to see the darkness of my past now with all the light coming from my future.
Well, its getting late diary, I dont want Ozy to know Ive been away from him so long on our honeymoon, but I couldn't let this day pass without writing it down, so that centuries later, I can open you, read this section again, and relive this day.
Heh, this is going to be the first time Ive ever wrote this, I hope it gives me joy then as it does now writing this.
Ameng Kristen Llewellyn