The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: DMOE on September 02, 2005, 12:19:00 PM
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It’s been a strange time since my parents gently suggested I learn more about the world in the vain hope I’d learn more about myself and pick something to do with my life. To be fair I am still young so have time yet!
I’ve met some very interesting people since coming to Hlint but all of them have been really nice and helpful.
I’ve also been learning about different people’s ideas cultures and religions. Like the time I was travelling with Jacchri Abianca and he explained that he believes that if you hunt an animal you should give it an honourable death. He then explained that this means you should kill using nothing but a knife and your wits. I was collecting pelt s for a fur trader whose wife is ill and Jacchri kindly offered to show me where to hunt. I felt it was only fair to hunt the animals in the way he believes is right. It wasn’t easy but I collect my pelts using only my dagger to kill the animal. I was very proud of myself for that!
I’ve also been very lucky and met two people who I often explore with. They are Elladan Peters and Ellarha.
Elladan reminds me of my older brother a bit, if only for the fact he seems to think I’m curious and run into things a bit too quickly.
Ellarha is an elf unlike any other elf I have ever known. She doesn’t speak elvish for a start and often says the strangest things but is always helpful when she can be.
Spugly Fuglet is a body guard for hire and really, really nice. I think he must be a half-giant cause he’s huge but I’ve been too polite to ask!
I know I’ve forgotten the names of some of the other great people who’ve helped me including the lady I want hunting for a lost cow with but I’m sure I’ll meet them again.
There are the odd people who don’t always want to discuss things with me but they are never rude about and you get used to that having grown up in an inn.
I’ve seen lots of new things, discovered I can use a bow quite well and that I’m developing a liking for gem crafting and a desire to know how to cook. Even the forest is growing on me. Not sure I’ll ever get used to undead but then I’m not sure I ever want to!
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I met a really nice person while adventuring recently. His name is Nosssyla Steele and he showed me how to make rings and set gems and make polishing oil. He explained all sorts of really useful stuff and spent ages teaching me. I owe him an honour debt as I felt it was only fair to repay him in someway and he’s said he’ll ask for a favour at some point. I think it’s important to repay people’s kindness.
We met questing to help the bard at the wild Serge inn get her necklace back. He also knows my friends Brit Forgeheart who he was supposed to met in the mines where the necklace was lost. Someone else helped us find it too and he and Elladan thought I wanted to know about crafting gems cause they are worth a lot. That upset me cause I enjoy doing it and can’t wait to see who it’ll look when it’s finished. I’m so proud of my first ring. I’m considering sending it home to my parents to show them how well I’m doing but then again I might wait until I make a necklace instead. They did both apologias once I explained it wasn’t all about coins and even guarded me while I collect minerals to polish at a later date.
Discovered Blood’s forces have landed and there will be a public meeting. Ran into a really whiney elf who kept complaining about how all the ‘humans’ did was hold a meeting and that we’d all die why they decided what to do. When I asked him if he had a better idea he didn’t answer. I really dislike people who complain when they can’t think of anything better!!!
In contrast I met a nice Drow friend of Brit’s and we all went adventuring. Ran into some tree things while looking for brown bears and collecting aloe. They were really scary but Brit got a friend of his to help us out.
I know I’m not supposed to get on with the Drow but I’m learning it’s important to judge people by their actions and words not race. Blood coming is going to be bad enough without us fighting each other cause we’re ‘different’. Not looking forward to the coming fighting but feel I have to step up and help where I can in what ever way I can. I’m surprised no one has said what happened at the meeting which I managed to miss. Still as un-organised as ever but trying to get better.
Elladan is reminding me more and more of my brother every time we adventure and it’s nice to have that reminder of home!
I hope to meet up with Brit soon and go exploring again but until then I’ll be happy making my rings and stuff.
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Today has been a really interesting day! I ‘cut’ all my minerals so now I have lot’s more cut greenstones to work. I managed to polish and set a greenstone in a copper ring first time!!! Although I did completely fail to make my ownpolishing oil.
I’ve approached someone who advertises rings and such for sale in the Wild Surge Inn to possible sell my wares to and hope to meet up with them to show them my work soon.
I ran into Brit again in Hlint and we were discussing renting rooms as I keep needing more space to put things and its strange being a guest in an inn after living in one so long. Brit was telling me about a room for rent in the house he lives in so went to have a look. It was lovely and they are more like a family than people just living in the same house. Ironically enough the house is owned by Nosslya Steele who I already owe an honour debt too. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to afford the rent and Brit suggested I could always share his room with him, as friends of course. I couldn’t help but tease him about that. He can be so very serious sometimes. Looking at the big room and thinking how much it might cost I decided to take Brit up on his offer assuming Master Nosslya didn’t mind.
Brit had to go off and do some forging while I waited for Master Nosslya. When he arrived I explained how Brit had invited me to share his room and then had to explain it’s just as friends! Think I might not mention the sharing bit in future! Master Nosslya did say something strange as he asked what the arrangement would be between Brit and me regarding rent and when I told him he commented I was getting a good deal as he told me that Brit is paying more than he said he was. Not sure what to do about that. I don’t think for one minute that Master Nosslya would lie to me and I don’t think Brit would either so I’m not sure exactly what is going off and if I should talk to Brit about it. It’s at times like this I really miss my Mother; she’d know what to do. Of course she very probably wouldn’t approve of me sharing a room with a man regardless of how much of a gentleman he is!
Another strange thing is that Brit kinda assumed I’d share a room with Elladan and then apologised when I explained he’s like a brother.
I’m thinking of suggesting to Elladan that he has a chat to Master Nosslya about renting the room he has left. Not sure if he’ll want to but you never know!
I’m really happy to have a ‘home’ base now plus Master Nosslya has said he’ll help me with my crafting too so it should really feel like home once he’s started working me hard! :)
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Went to meet Elladan and told him about the room. He wasn’t that interested as he didn’t think he has much use for a room but he was more than happy to come and see the house with me. He laughed when I told him Iwas sharing a room with Brit and when I asked why it was funny he explained it was just that he wasn’t surprised.
Master Noss was at home when we arrived and discussed Elladan renting a room while I un-packed and settled in. After a very long conversation with Master Noss he decided to rent the room and join the ‘family’. Now all he has to do is pick his furniture!
Master Noss apologised to me because he’d re-checked his ledger and discovered that what Brit had told me about what he owed for the room was right and Master Noss was wrong. That put my mind at rest but in typical (I’m starting to realise) Master Noss fashion not for long! He then during our conversation with him proceeded to tell me that Brit had said he sees me as a ‘little sister’ but then also went on to say he doesn’t need to know what we get up to in our room as if something might happen! I admit Elladan was slightly surprised there was only one bed but that doesn’t mean anything other than sleeping will happen! Master Noss reminded me that Brit is human and young. Master Noss also said something else strange while we were chatting about how wished he was an elf sometimes and when I asked why he told he it was personal but he might tell me some other time. I’m sure that will be an interesting story if I ever hear it!
I asked Master Noss where Brit was as we’d discussed going hunting earlier and Master Noss offered to fetch him from the forge. Next thing we know Brit comes running in asking what’s wrong. Took me a little while to work out that Master Noss had just told him that I need to talk now and he’d assumed it meant there was something wrong as that’s what it normally meant if Master Noss want to talk to him now. I explained to Brit that I’m not Master Noss and I’ll always tell him if he’s done something wrong so until I do don’t assume things!
I dropped the ‘little sister’ thing into conversation and Brit seemed really upset that I’d heard it without him having chance to‘explain’ it to me and then we had this really complicated conversation about how he views me as family and I’ll always be family first but that I’m also beautiful! I wonder if it had anything to do with the conversation we had earlier about the boys at the tavern where I grew up and how they said it was the worst thing possible if a girl classed you as her ‘brother’.
I’m really, really confused now though! I like Brit. He’s honest, trustworthy, really nice and not bad looking. I enjoy spending time with otherwise I wouldn’t have decided to share his room! I assume he enjoys spending time with me otherwise he wouldn’t have asked but I’m starting to get very confused about how he views me. Am I like a sister? Am I someone he finds beautiful in a non sister way? Does he even know? Do I ask him outright or do I just get on with things and hope it sorts itself out? Sometimes I wish I had a woman to talk to! Maybe the other lady renting a room will be nice and be able to help!
We managed to go hunting for undead in the Broken Forest where we also helped another group and then went hunting for brown bear pelts so I could finish helping the fur trader. I got a bear skin cloak for all my help! I decided to turn in after that as did Elladan. Brit decided to return to his smelting to ensure Master Noss was happy so informed me he’d sleep on the couch when he came in so as not to disturb me. I had to say that there was very little point arranging to share a room if one of us slept elsewhere. Elladan didn’t help at that point by offering the spare bed in his room to Brit. I put Brit straight on the fact that he was paying rent on his room so he was going to sleep in it! I also told him he wouldn’t disturb me and not to worry because I have a night dress. I just couldn’t resist teasing him a little bit!
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Went crafting again and made my first Phenalope Bronze ring today and was so happy. A nice gentleman who was crafting arrows asked me if I’d made something special as I was making so much noise! I was honest and told him I was just happy it had gone right! As we were talking a guy came up and demand to know what an orc was doing in the craft hall and when the gentleman I was talking to informed him he was making arrows he demanded to know what for! I won’t recite the entire conversation but I will say it was dam rude of him to come and interrupt a peaceful conversation between two people especially when he was armed and we were not!
After he left the orc gentleman thank me for supporting him,commented not everything is as it seems and gave me a gift of a ring to help guide my crafting. As we were about to part he spoke to me in elvish which was unusual. Even stranger he gave me Folian’s blessing which reminded me of the Ranger Jacchri Abianca. At this point the rude man appeared again (having the decency to not be armed this time) and demanded to know why the Mah (the orc gentleman) could speak elvish. Well another discussion ensued which was even longer and ruder!
The rude man claimed he asked questions due to his religion but as I point out to Mah after the rude man had finally gone he didn’t have to be so rude!
I have told Mah where I live and that if ever needs anything to call on me. I believe everyone should be judged on their actions NOT what they look like and it really annoys me when people like the rude man rant about their friends being killed and how they have the right to ‘question’ anyone of the race that killed them! I know it must be hard to lose a friend in battle but surly we are as bad as the people who kill our friends if we assume everyone of that race is bad also?
It took the shine off my achievement slightly!
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Did some more digging for clay and searching for minerals & copper with Elladan. It went quite well up to the point where Goblins killed both our ox's :( But we got back in one piece which is the important thing!
Left Elladan sleeping by the camp fire as I'd discovered a Mystery mineral and I couldn't wait to see what it was! Washed it off to discover I'd found a Feldspar. Dashed home to collect the rest of my crafting tools, polishing oil, copper ingot & a mould and I managed to make a Feldspar ring! Just the one mind as I failed in my attempt to polish the other one so ground it up for the dust but I'm still really proud of myself.
I've left the ring as a present for Brit as I think he might find it useful and I've tried to make sure he knows I'll understand if he doesn't wear it cause he's probably got much better rings but I find it difficult to express myself in notes when not writing in elvish!
I hope I get to see him soon and that Master Noss isn't keeping him too busy although on the other hand I'm not strong enough to mine copper and I'm running out! Can't have it both was I suppose :)
Which reminds me, I should probably collect some white mushroom so Master Noss can make me some more polishing oil without having to use his stocks! Might mention it to Elladan later.
I've also managed to put some more feathers and things in the chests upstairs which should help out the rest of the house. I'm really glad i've found such a great place to live. It really does feel like a home from home. Now if I can only work out what's happening with Brit!
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Went to meet Burr Gjest of the Raven Trading Company today in Hlint only to discover a tent has been erected by the Mistone Alliance and no one knows why!!! I’m sure we’ll find out in time but very rude of the guards to ignore everyone.
Anyway back to Burr who was a really nice man who didn't make me feel nervous which was good as this was my first time try to sell my wares! To be honest he admitted to me that he didn’t normally handle negotiations either.
Had a strange moment when I thought my rings had been taken and there was someone skulking around who Burr didn’t seem to see but turnedout to one of his friends. Not sure why they were skulking but I think I might have offended them :(
Spent a very long time talking to Burr (Did I mention he' a nice man?) before we finally agreed to 75% of what the Raven Trading Company sells the rings for as my price for them. I thought that sounds fair although I’ll probably check with Brit next time I see him as I’m sure he’s had more experience with these things. Burr needs to confer with the other members of the trading company just to make sure they think it’s a good deal and then he’ll get back to me! I told him where I live to make it easier for him to let me know!
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Went with Elladan to Hlint to show him the tent that has appeared and because he had some smelting to do. He was being kind enough to make me a coppe rdagger for the Lieutenant in Fort Llast. I bumped into Mah and the lady orc in the craft hall and I have offended her :( I’ll post a letter of apology under the door of the house and hope it finds her and she takes in the good way it is intended.
Elladan managed to make the dagger so I handed in on my way home.
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Oh my! I never knew Brit was so talented and so artistic! He has painted two pictures for our room. One of the coast as he’d like to grow old somewhere like that and one of me!!!
They are both so beautiful!!! I think he’s trying to tell me something as I’m sure you would paint someone you see as your little sister in quite the way he did! Not that it’s rude or anything just wild and free spirited.
I wrote him a thank you note which I hope will show him how amazing I think they are.
I also discovered my chest and bookcase overflowing with copper ingots and the odd mineral gem which I think may another way he’s trying to show me how he feels!
It could take a while to sort things out if we communicate by pictures, copper ingots and rings :)
I delivered my note to the Raven Trading Company Warehouse in Hlint too and discovered the tent is gone, along with all the guards of course! They must have done what they came for and I bet we are all still none the wiser!! I also did some ring crafting but it was a bad crafting day as I tried to make 6 rings and only managed one but as Master Noss would say "Practice, Practice, Practice" :)
Brit Forgeheart - http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=18090&posts=1
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Ran into Brit in Hlint earlier. We spoke of feelings, finally! Although we didn’t have chance to finish the conversation as the craft hall isn’t the best place to discuss such things!
We are both so young and I don’t think he truly realises the pressure my race can put upon a relationship. He will grow old and I will barely change. I can’t help but wonder if this is why often the elven party leaves in such relationships before it becomes and issue as I would hate to have to do that.
I like Brit. I have strong feelings for him but I find it a bit scary when he tells me that he looks at my face and sees his purpose! I wonder if he has ever had feelings for a girl/woman before? I know I have never had these feelings for anyone before so I’m trying to tread carefully but I think it may be too late.
We are hoping to finish the conversation later at home. I hope I can explain my fears without hurting him or making him blush with my questions!
I'm guessing write the questions down on a piece of parchment I get out and read from would probably be bad so I just hope I remember or the important things I want to cover! Part of me wishes I had my Mother to talk it over with while the rest of me knows she just wouldn't think it's a good idea. Brit is only 20 after all and if he's inexperience with love then it could be a complete disaster. On the other hand it could easily be amazing. I honestly don't know!
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Well we finally sat down and had our talk. It was fairly stressful to be honest. Brit really does have to stop assuming things other wise I’ll use him for target practice!!!
The up shot is that we are going to give it a try taking it nice and slowly. I just about managed to convince him that feeling that you want to hurt someone who say’s really,really crude things about someone you care about is normal. I suggested he talks to Master Noss about it too although I don’t think he will.
I think we possibly stand a chance if we keep actually talking to each other and at the very least he’s promised to not think up excuse not to come home to sleep!
I’m so glad we finally got our feelings sorted out and we both know where we stand. I really like him and he is handsome too. Just got to remember he has a protective streak!
Went looking for copper and minerals with Brit and Elladan after our talk. When we returned to Hlint to visit the smith I finally got to meet Argos the second Master dwarf in our little 'family'. He seems really nice and has invited us both to join him in trips to the mines in Haven. He also offered to help Elladan work metal and myself to make arrows.
Brit and Argos invited us both to join them in another mining trip but I felt my ox need to rest and Elladan said he was behind in his meditation and prayers so we both returned to the house.
Brit's Photo Album - http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/photos/photo-thumbnails.asp?albumid=307
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Heard Brit come in to our room last night. He is quieter than most humans but I’d be worried if I hadn’t have stirred.
I couldn’t decide whether to speak to him or not. We have only just decided to try and explore our feelings for each other. It all seems a bit sudden although with Blood coming how much time do we all have?
I like him very much and certainly find him attractive. In fact having climb into bed with me and feeling him next to brought to the surface some very interesting feelings I’m just not sure I’m ready to act on them yet, not that Brit would ever pressure me to. I think it was just easier to pretend to be asleep.
I waited until his breathing told me he was sleeping and then held him in my arms and watched him at rest.
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Went into to Hlint to do some crafting today. I managed to make some polishing oil first although I’m still not very good! Then I tried to make 5 rings and 1 amulet and actually managed to make 4 rings!!! I also managed to cut and polish some gems so now I have no polishing oil left again.
I then ran into Master Noss, almost literally! I was so excited about how well I’d done making my rings. We chatted about Brit. Master Noss is very worried about Brit. He thinks there has been a change in him. I was worried he meant since Brit had developed feelings for me but Master Noss seems to think that Brit’s feelings for me are good for him and may help him with whatever it is that is plaguing him. I do hope so!
Master Noss also seemed to think he could see revenge or pain in my eyes. I put him straight on the revenge part but I did wonder if the pain he thinks he can see is the knowledge that I’ll bury Brit and any children (if we are blessed) while still young myself. When I mentioned that to him he did seem happier to know I had though about that careful!
Master Noss then vanished into the inn. After a while I got bored and went looking for him to discover him in the inn talking to an ‘orc’. He introduced him as Rolf and said he’d been cursed. This may explain the strange orc’s around Hlint. Rolf hope’s to sort out the curse soon!
It turns out that Rolf is one of the founders of the Raven Trading Company so we had a chat about rings and he’s going to send me a letter telling me which rings he needs most and we’ll work something out!
Master Noss and I then walked home. We talked some more about Brit and Master Noss’s worries! Master Noss thinks the problem may come from Brit’s childhood and have something to do with him being teased. I hope Brit feels able to tell me at some point but I won’t push him to! I assured Master Noss that I only have Brit’s best interests at heart.
When we got home Master Noss was kind enough to give me a Feldspar mineral and a ring which he hopes will help me in the future. We then went our separate way’s, him to clean and store the fish he had caught and me to ‘rest’.
I hope to see Brit soon but I must remember that he has jobs to do for both Master Noss and Master Argos!
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Could swear I heard Master Noss banging about earlier so decided to venture downstairs and see who was about. Also Master Noss said he might take Elladanand me exploring.
What a surprise! I came downstairs to discover a new table in the hall. Not the most usually place I’ll admit but it certainly fit’s and will come in most useful! Got an even bigger shock when I went into the common room! Master Noss now has a nice big chair with the couches around it. I think it works well as an arrangement. There is also lot’s of flowers and plants and a couple of pictures. I forgot to ask if Brit had painted them. Must remember to do that!
Had another surprise as Elhara came to visit. I had mentioned to her we might go exploring but wasn’t sure you’d come. I introduced her to Master Noss and they seem to get on although Master Noss is very friendly so I’m not surprised! Elhara said some very strange things for an elf again!
Elladan come out of his room and had a private to talk to Master Noss who then decided to catch up on his reading. The rest of us were chatting when Brit arrived just as I was explaining to Elhara about ‘jugs’ being a slang term for women’s breasts. I showed Elhara my new dress and she commented it did show off my ‘pottery’ very well. I couldn’t resist admitting this was the point. Brit made some noise about not wearing it out of the house but I couldn’t tell if he was serious. I tried to make light of it. Introduced Brit to Elhara and within minute he was offering her some of his armour. He really is sweet!
We decided to visit the crypts in Krandor as Elhara has heard of a little girl who has lost her Grandfather’s ashes but there are undead in the crypt so she can’t get them back, although Brit felt we should solicit extra help as it would probably be quite dangerous. We got ready to leave and Brit commented that I shouldn’t forget to put my armour on. I informed him it was safe in my pack! Elhara and Brit ventured outside first and then I followed leaving Elladan to sort his kit out in peace. I don’t think Brit was pleased to see me still in my dress. I’m not sure I understand why but as it did distress him I changed into my armour straight away. I did point out to him that if men wanted to make crude comments about me they will do so regardless of what I’m wearing although I do have to admit the dress does show a lot of flesh. I also pointed out that what Brit thinks is much more important than others. That seems to please him! I pointed out I’d need another dress if this one is unsuitable to be seen in public and maybe Brit would like to help me pick it so I know he likes it. He thought this was a very good idea! Elladan came out and we headed off to Hlint.
When we arrived in Hlint it was off to the bank first for Elhara to put her new armour there until she can craft it into certain coloursto do with her religion and myself to put money in the bank. That’s something I’m getting used to slowly! Actually having so much money it’s safer in the bank! At home I’d be lucky to save a few gold but that’s mainly because my parents provided all I needed!
It was very quiet in Hlint and we weren’t sure if we would be able to find help when I noticed a quiet man standing off to one side. I was very forward and went over and asked him if he was busy. I must say he was a bit strange but polite. He informed that I wouldn’t wish to travel into the crypts with him but he might be able to help in other ways. Elladan came over at that point and really didn’t seem keen on him and another group of ‘adventures’arrived and started talking to Brit. My conversation with the man got lost in all the talking. The other group decided to join us in our quest and we set off. I think I recognised some of them from a different time but only one person introduced herself and for the life of me I can’t remember her name!
They were not very good at working as a team. They ran off without a thought for the slowest member of the group. If we had been attacked it would have caused problems! I did have to gently remind Brit that his legs are longer than mine also but as always Elladan made sure he was close by in case of trouble!
Part of the group also managed to have a fight once we reached the crypts! I have a bad feeling about this!
Well true to form they all ran in and it was a bad fight. Elladan fell! Once the monster’s had been killed they carried on with no thought for Elladan. Brit said we should wait for Elladan to rejoin us and agreeing we went outside the crypt. The strange gentleman from Hlint was there. He made a comment on the fact we were still alive and how we hadn’t needed his help. I said I didn’t remember not asking for his help and he said I hadn’t asked either and he only does things if asked. I find that strange but I also hadn’t realised I hadn’t asked! I then asked him for his help and Elladan arrived just as the rest of the party shot out of the crypts being chased by undead. We dispatched the undead and then the strange gentleman who won’t tell me his name cast lots of helpful spells on us. We headed back into the crypts and Brit and I waited while Elladan prayed at his grave. True to form everyone else ran ahead! This included Elhara which surprised me a little. I think I need to work out if this was because she was caught up with the rest or will always run ahead. Eventually we worked our way into the deeper part of the crypts although Brit didn’t give me chance to open any locks or remove any of the traps. I don’t think he likes me to be at the front! Will have words about that if it continues!!!!
Elladan died a second time in the middle of a group of undead. I can not say for certain what happened but he seemed to be getting little support. Then one of the spell casters made a very sarcastic comment about him ‘just being clumsy fighter’. Brit was as angry as I was and whispered to me to just get out and not to try to fight. I must admit I no longer had the desire to help protect people who care not for one who has died trying to protect them! Brit had words with them about this and they really didn’t seem to care. Brit had to walk away! I tried to make them see Brit’s point but they basically told me that Elladan was a Paladin and they were Necromancers so he didn’t like them anyway. I was so angry!!! Then they explained the luring tactic they use where they ‘bring’ monsters to the fighters. This could be an interesting tactic if you know the strengths and weakness of all your fighters and EVERYONE knows it’sbeing used! When I tried to explain mypoint of view they didn’t care! At thatpoint I had to walk away because I was so angry and I wanted to see how my beloved was. I will say this though, I will never adventure with them again unless they have changed their ways!!
I found Brit standing by the waterside (He seems to like water a lot!) and he was still very angry. Not only at the others but himself for not defending Elladan. I explained that as far as I’m aware Elladan believes violence is a last resort so Brit fighting to defend his honour wouldn’t please him but by walking away he had allowed me to defend Elladan’s honour and are we not all of the same family so as such it shouldn’t matter which one of us defends the other! Brit decided I am cleverer than him but I’m just better with words! Little does he know the times I’ve had to talk my way out of things!!! Brit really does need to talk to Elladan about his faith at some point! I gave Brit a big hug and that seemed to help lots.
Elhara and Elladan came over at that point just as Brit was about to kiss me so he didn’t. Bless him for being shy! We decided to go to Port Hampshire as Brit wanted to show us around. Elhara nipped off to do something so I managed to signal to Elladan to leave us for a moment (“Why is that a cow over there Elladan?”) and claimed my kiss!
We went off to Port Hampshire. Elhara and I got bitten by ants on the way and it made me at least (I can’t speak for her) very weak and feeling ill but thanks to Elladan’s healing and a good rest in Port Hampshire I felt much better. Brit gave us a quick tour and then we headed to the inn! Elhara brought us all a drink and we toasted friends! After the drink Elladan decided he wished to return home and Brit and I agreed. Elhara decided to head towards Hlint so we set off together. I got bitten by another ant and felt ill again. This time Brit healed me but it was a while before I could rest.
We were wondering through the Broken Forest when we ran into the people we went into the crypt with and Argos. The other group tried to get Brit to go with them but he would not! Argos walked with us to Fort Llast and then was heading to the mines in Haven. Brit assured him he’d tell Master Noss that’s where Argos was when we returned home as he was sure Master Noss would wish to join him!
We took our leave of Elhara and Master Argos and returned home. Then we bid Elladan goodnight and retired to our room.
Brit told me I look like a noble lady in my dress. He really is so sweet! He asked me if I had actually been asleep when he returned the night before. I hesitated a moment but I could not lie to him so told him the truth. He asked me why I had not spoken and I admitted that I have never shared a bed with a man before. He suggested we settle down and go to sleep if I wanted to. I asked if he wished me to hold him in my arms while he fell to sleep. He really did so that is how we ended our night and if truth be told it was the best bit!
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Was relaxing at home when Brit arrived back and asked me what I fancied doing. I pointed out that I needed to buy a new dress as he’s not keen on me wearing the one I have out of the house. A bit too revealing and I think he’s worried how he’ll cope if someone comments on it. I can understand this especially after my recent talk with Master Noss about our relationship. I have told Brit he can pick everything about this dress so I know he is happy with it. His piece of mind is more important than a dress! We also had a discussion about our pasts. I asked Brit if he was ‘experienced’ with women as he never tries to kiss me and always waits until I make the first move. It turns out he is but suspected I’m not ‘experienced’ so didn’t want to push me. He also worried it might bother me that he had known other women. I told him it was to be expected and I really wasn’t something that bothered me. I admitted I have never know a man and that some of the feelings he brings out in me can be scary.
Then Brit told me the bad news! Master Noss is very unwell. Sharhar is by his bedside and Brit asked ever so nicely if he could spend his nights outside the door. I told him he must do what he feels is right!
He asked Elladan to keep an ear out for ‘un-invited guests’ at night. I pointed out that I am better suited to do that and he very nearly told me I couldn’t till I put him straight!
Master Argos returned and told us he was going mining and to collect Aloe to help Master Noss. Elladan has decided to go with him.
Brit took my to a quiet island where I continued our talk from earlier and asked him why he didn’t kiss me. He really is scared he will push me to hard to do something I’m not ready for. I pointed out that showing me affection isn’t pushing! I also pointed out that any feelings of confusion are my problem to work through and I’m sure I will with him by my side. We then had a really romantic and quite steamy moment, well for us any way!
Then it was off to Hlint to collect cotton and make a dress. There are orc’s by the cotton plants and I dropped one with a single arrow between the eyes which I think is a good reminder to Brit that while not the fighter he is that this cat has claws!
As were entered the craft hall I saw then gentleman who held us at the crypts so went over to thank him. He apologised for forgetting my name and I had to admit I hadn’t actually told him my name so we introduced ourselves to each other. I also met the dwarf he was talking to. I took my leave of them after that as Brit hadn’t followed me and was waiting. The gentleman is called Ozymandias.
God’s I don’t like tailoring!!! Cotton has no soul, not like a gem. A gem whispers what it wishes to be and if I’m careful and lucky I make it so but not cotton!!! While I managed to make a dress from now on I buy them. Now all we have to do is pick the colours and style!
Brit finally decided on a style and colours he likes. Thank god he’s offered to pay for another dress as there were two styles he liked and I get to pick the colours of the next one! It’s not bad I suppose but it’s very ‘human’. I just hope he’s not trying to mould me into something I’m not!
We had a slow walk back to the house via the bank. I asked him why he hadn’t joined me when I thanked Ozymandias. Brit told me that while Ozymandias had been good to him, he could also be evil. I promised him I’d remember that! Brit also told me that Ozymandias also has a habit of licking women and Brit knows he would not be able to stop him if he wanted to lick me. To cut a long conversation short Brit has promised to stay calm if Ozymandias does lick me and I have promised to do as much as possible to ensure I don’t encourage him to lick me.
When we got back to the house rather than go straight in I headed to the bench by the waterfall as water seems to calm Brit’s spirit and commented as such to him. He asked me why and I’m not sure he agreed with my observations but this led to us discussing where we might live. Brit asked if I wanted to live at my parent’s inn. I think I handled that quite well because I can think of nothing harder than him being surrounded by elves as he grows old! He has told me that as long as I say where he will build us a house to raise a family in. He then asked me what my long and short term plans are. How do I explain to him that choosing to have a relationship with him and (hopefully) spending the rest of his life with him are my short term plans? I don’t want to keep reminding him of that difference because I know he’ll decided I should be with an elf regardless of what I say but it’s so hard to think in the ‘human’ timescale. I did tell him that at some point I will take him to meet my family but that I also don’t know what they will think of him. I asked if I would meet his kin and his answer was very strange. He said something along the line of probably not unless they chose to. Hopefully I will understand this time. By then it was getting dark so we thought we’d better return to the house. Brit to sleep outside Master Noss’s door and myself to guard the front door. Elladan will guard while I rest.
-
While sitting here guarding the entrance to my home I can’t help but think, my mind constantly ticking over.
How do people manage to have relationships? How do they cope with it all?
It’s scary and wonderful all at the same time. It makes me happy and frustrates me so also!
Brit is a wonderful person but Master Noss is right he is young and so am I. I worry it will not work and he will be hurt!
I find it so hard to think as humans do where time is concerned. Had Brit been born on the same day as I it is likely he would either be dead or crippled by age. I know he tries not to think of this as then all he does is think of the pain I will feel at his passing. I think if anything will cause us the most problems it is that difference. I know he say’s he can cope now but it will only get more difficult.
But having said all that as we grow and learn together our bond will become stronger and who is to say it will not stand all that time and fate will throw at it!
I’m also excited by his strength but intimidated by it all at the same time! I have seen him kill with a single blow yet he always hold’s me so tenderly. Speaking of holding me, my body reacts in the strangest way when he holds me close. It gets all tingly and part of wants to explore this more while part of me would rather run & hide. I know Brit will never push me to do anything but how long will he wait for me to be ready? Human’s can be so much more impatience than elves.
I do wonder if I would have acted on my feelings so soon had Blood’s forces not arrived.
-
I asked Elladan if he could guard the door while I sneaked out to Hlint. While I ws there I managed to use my simple tailoring skills to make a very intresting outfit to show Brit when the time is right. I just hope he likes it. It is rather daring but I hope that when the night happens it will make it very special!
-
I was in Hlint earlier when I ran into Brit. He was bleeding and badly hurt I was so worried! He’d been in the Haven mines with another fighter and it had gone badly. The other fighter had fallen and Brit was so hurt. He asked me if I would help him return the fallen fighter to his grave to reflect. As if he needed to ask!
The fallen fighter arrived introduced himself as Ty. I sent Brit off to rest before we ventured anywhere!
We headed out to Haven and ran into a wizard on the way who asked to join us as there is safety in numbers. We got Ty back to his grave and then Brit decided we should help him collect pelts for the fur trader in Hlint. Brit was really strange and just didn’t speak to me and hardly responded when I spoke to him the entire time we were with Ty and the wizard.. Eventually I asked if all was well with him and he basically told me to shut up! Well that made me really angry and worried. Am I such an embarrassment to him that he can’t talk to me in front of strangers? Am I some dirty little secret to be kept behind closed doors?
I ignored him when we returned home but he hardly seemed to notice. Elladan returned home and he seemed to notice straight away. I would have left the house but I couldn’t see how without Elladan getting involved. Brit offered Elladan some food but Elladan sensibly left to do some errands but not before offering me the chance to talk. He does so remind me of my brother!
Eventually Brit realised that I wasn’t happy. Took him long enough. It’s safe to say we had our first row! I asked him if he was embarrassed by me and he told me not to be silly and never say that again. He even raised his voice to me! Bad, bad move! I demand to know what he’d do if I did. He didn’t answer. I explained that while I understood his was distracted and had a lot on his mind that a kind word did not take much effort and he’d hurt me. He was commenting about how he’s always screwing up so I asked him how long his other‘dalliances’ had lasted to try and illustrate the fact that we were in new territory so he immediately assumed I wanted to finish things, MEN! Eventually it calmed down, helped I’ll admit by him telling me he loves me. He’s neve rsaid that before. It made me feel all warm inside. I wish I could have said it back but the words were not there and it needs to be said in truth or not at all! He made some reference to me having a bad day so I took the opportunity to point out I’d actually spent a large part of it making a surprise for him. He asked me if he deserved it at the moment. I pointed out it was something I was planning on saving for a ‘special’ night so he’d get to see it in the future and he commented that would probably be when he was acting more like a husband and less like a young punk!
This really is scary now. It’s all happening so fast and he thinks I’m perfect too. I keep asking him not to put me on a pedestal as it only means I have further to fall but I don’t think it’s sinking in!
We kissed and made up and he went to sit watch outside Master Noss’s room.
Elladan returned a short while later and I realised my ox had wondered off. I was hoping it was in Hlint so asked Elladan if he fancied a walk. He being the nice soul he is, agreed. It seems like he’s had an ‘interesting’ night too. He was out collecting plants and ran into a couple and accidentally introduced them to some tree ents. I know he is worried about them so I helped him search the inn and treated myself to a quick drink. Elladan understands how rushed this all fees to me. I have a horrible fear that once Master Noss is out the woods that Brit will propose marriage and while I’m certainly not against it and part of me is excited by the idea I can not understand how Brit can be so certain about it all after such a short time. There is no point asking him either as I know he’ll just tell me how wonderful I am and scare me about the pedestal again!
What am I going to do? I care very deeply for this man and my feelings continue to develop but it’s also all so fast but then if it’s not then his life will be over and we will have done nothing. I should not get ahead of myself and actually wait until he does ask me to marry him before I worry about it! Ah to see the world in the simple terms Brit does!
-
Went Hlint today and saw Brit chatting to the rude gentleman who interrogated the orc at the craft hall. I still went over and said hello!
Brit introduced me to him (he’s called Pendar) and the first thing he did is apologise for his behaviour. There is hope for him yet!
Actually I over heard him telling Pendar about our relationship. He worried me slightly as I could swear he told Pendar that we just enjoy each others company and it’s nothing serious but yet he told me he loved after our first row. How can we not be serious and yet he love me? I just don’t understand. I might ask him about it later but I’m sure he’s sick to death of my silly questions!
On a happier note Pendar turned out to actually be really nice and we had a very fun chat although I’m not sure poor Brit thought so!
It also turns out that the orc Iwas talking to when I last met Pendar is actually the Ranger I know. He is cursed the same as Rolf.
Pendar was trying to talk me into join Brit and him down the mines but I think I’ve had enough of mines for the time being!
Another lady joined us for a short while and she seemed nice although as usual I can’t remember her name!
Pendar said he looks forward to getting to know me better and was giving the impression that I’m good for Brit so I’ve told him he’s always welcome at the house!
Ty then joined us and was asked to join them down the mine. I took my leavea t this point to go and craft.
Well my crafting went badly insome ways and amazing in others! I tried to make 3 rings and only managed to make one but oh the one I did manage to make! It was a Feldspar similar to the one I made for Brit but I just seemed to know exactly how to work the gem and mental as it turned out so much better!
Elhara very kindly gave me some more mineral gems including a garnet so I think if I manage to make a garnet ring I should give it to her.
I also managed to make myself 20 arrows! Not completely from scratch as a large armoured fairy left me copper arrow heads in my room! But I found the shafts and feather myself on earlier trips.
I retuned home and tidied a bit until Brit came looking for me. He had a present for me, a mystery mineral! Theyare my favourite type. I love waiting tosee what is revealed as I gently wash them.
We had a really good chat (just for a change!) where I managed to get across to him that sometimes fear of the next step prevents me from taking it and that as he more experienced in some areas he may have to take the lead even though he doesn’t wish to push me into anything. He told me that he wants somethings to be special and plans a nice meal, fancy clothes and stuff. I pointed out that all we really need is the two of us and that I already have something to wear! He also insited on going outside to shout to the world that he loves me!
I made Brit rest before he went tosit outside Master Noss’s room.
-
I have made an arrangement with Rolf of the Raven Trading Company! Unfortunately he has little use for the rings I have made so far which if I’m honest is no surprise but he his willing to give me gems on a 2:1 ratio. He gives me two lots of gems to craft and I give him an item back to ‘pay for the gems’ which while not getting me gold helps me practice. He also gave me a list of the things he needs most which will be really helpful as well as suggesting I ask Geir if he'd be willing to teach me as he also Gem Crafts.
I also ignored my shyness on these issues and ask him if in his experience as a healer he know of anything that would prevent a lady from becoming ‘with’ child. He said he didn’t know himself but would ask round people he knew to see if there is such a thing. I then realised I hadn’t asked him not to mention who it is for as I have no idea how Brit would feel know I had done this. Rolf assured me he would be discrete and not mention me.
The only things is do I tell Brit I have done this? We are both young and not ready at all to bring a child into the world never mind Blood’s approaching forces! I just feel if there is someway of delaying the chance until a time we are more settle both within Mistone and our relationship it can only be good but men can be so strange about these things. Also if I don’t tell him then technically Iam keeping a secret and I promised him no secrets.
Having a relationship is so very hard. I wonder if it will get easier with time!!! I suppose I could leave until Rolf finds out if it is possible or not. I mean if there is nothing that can be taken then Brit hardly needs to know I asked but if there is something and I can get hold of it then it would be wrong to take it and not talk to him about it.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I think I will leave until I know there is something that can be taken. No point in having a possible ‘interesting’ conversation to find out it was in vain!
Now I just have to await Rolf’s letter. He did warn me it might take awhile!
-
Elladan retuned home a short while after Brit had retired to outside Master Noss’s room and remembering he needs some greenstone dust I suggested we take a walk to Hlint.
Elladan being Elladan agreed. When we arrived I left him at the smithy and went on to the craft hall. He joined me later to see how I was doing as I had gems to grind and polish and was very please when I have him some bags of greenstone dust. He wondered off happy!
I managed to cut and polish nearly all of my gems with onlya few mistakes so I am getting better!
I got lost in a world of my own working the gems so I’m sure Elladan must have gone and done his own thing!
During a break I overheard someone mention the Masquerade Ball at the Leilon Arms which is later in the month. I ran into Elhara so I asked her to make me a costume and she agreed. I just hope Brit likes it!
I also ran into Mah the ‘orc’ again who asked if I had any tasks I needed help with. I thanked him and we chatted for a while. He’s told me if I every need arrows making that if I take him the bits he’ll put them together for me. I told him if I can help him out crafting just to ask!
I then took a walk to the well and Elhara brought me my costume. I think it’s wonderful. I just hope the big armoured one will!
Speaking of the big armoured one, Elhara had just left when he arrived.
We had a really good time! We did a few errands for people and just wondered about dealing with anything that attacked us as we went.
We are starting to fight together really well. I even managed to admit to him that I love him!
I found it so liberating to finally accept and admit how I feel about him!
That’s it, from now on now worrying about how fast things are going or if we’ll get hurt! I’m just going to enjoy him and our time together!!!! Of course he thinks I’m acting strange!
-
It really is so very liberating telling someone how you feel about them!!! I just needed to stop worrying and take that first step!
Now I really am going to stop going over everything so much and just live life!
If the attack on Master Noss’s has shown me anything it’s shown me that life is for living, not thinking about.
I know Brit doesn’t like the idea of referring to me as his mate but hasn’t been able to think of a better idea but I think I might have!!!
-
I wondered into Hlint from the campfire to see Brit talking to a very beautiful elf. They were stilting on a bench looking out across the pond. For some reason I really didn’t like it but realised I was being slightly silly went over and said hello.
The lady elf seemed nice but she immediately knew who I was,I thought this was slightly stranger as Brit said he’d only just met her. She kept going on and on about how lucky we are to have each other and should enjoy the time we have together. By this point I was starting to get worried.
She decided to leave and although we offered to provide her with company she wished to go alone. I’d just started to talk to Brit when he suddenly waffles on about sad eyed squirrel’s and asks if we can go find the elven woman. Now I’m getting past worried but agree to make him happy and hopefully find out what s going off.
We do find her sat on the edge of the forest in the goblin wastelands. Brit seemed to get really uptight that she would not tell him what was bothering her so he could help her fix it! Eventually she left. We also met a gentleman called Alfonso who was injured. He need help to find the bard’s necklace sowe went to Seilwood caves to help him look.
I was asking Brit why he told the elven lady I was his mate and trying to understand as I was still a bit worried and it caused a massive row! We failed to help Alfonso and Brit headed home without a word. I gave Alfonso all of the gold we had collected to make up for the fact we had not helped him find the necklace. He told me that Brit had probably told the elven lady about me because he was so happy and proud that I am his mate. It’s possible I suppose. I took my leave and headed home to apologies for what I had done!
I found Brit sat on the bench. He explained I had hurt him and I explained why I was worried. He had told her about me because he had been asking her about the ‘age’ gap as it worried me. I explained that it didn’t worry me anymore as I’d realised life is for living not worrying about! He immediately decided he’d messed up again! I managed to convince him he hadn’t and we even started to talk about his childhood.
Poor, poor Brit. No wonder he acts the way he does sometimes! He was emotionally tortured by his siblings (I gather there were many) and the children of a dwarven friend of the family and no one stopped it! It sounds like it was much worse than normal good natured teasing. It’s why he learnt to set traps. He would set them to hurt the ones that tease him but only he was told off. Although he told his Father why he did it he never stopped the others. I’m guessing one day a trap went too far and someone got seriously hurt as he told me he can’tgo home! I did my best to explain to him that he was only a child and his parents should have stopped them doing it and protected him not just told him off. Honourable man that he is he tried to explain his Father was often busy at the forge with his dwarven friend but I explained that it was no excuse.
Brit begged me to help him as he finds it all easier to deal with when I am around. He is convinced he is evil and that is part of the reason he helps people so. He also is convinced he needs me to help him ‘turn’good. I just hope he still needs me when he realises he is good!
All of this made me even more determined to carry through a decision I had made earlier and I was just about to when Brit asked for some time to think. I went and waited for him in the house while he sat on the hillside. Eventually here returned and started apologising again. To be honest I couldn’t even tell what for by this point so I eventually managed to shut him up for a minute and I proposed!
Didn’t get quite the reaction I was after as all he did was make me promise that I will re-marry when he dies. I promised that if I met a man as worthy of my love as Brit is and I fall in love with him then I will re-marry. Then he told me he felt ill and need to lie down. I went upstairs with him and stroked his hair. He still wasn’t feeling much better so I asked if I should kiss the pain away. He thought that would be a good idea so I decided to show him my ‘special outfit’. He asked where the outfit was and promptly fell asleep. I’m really bad at this! I waited a while and then went and sa tdownstairs. After a while I heard him coming down and he tells he will marry me as he run’s past out the door on the way to the Smithy.
I couldn’t believe it!!! I ran after him and when I finally caught up with him I asking if he really meant his answer. He did and seems happy. Then I suggest we should go to the smithy together and he turns all cold on me. Then he tells me he’d planned to go mining after the Smithy. I couldn’t believe it. We’ve just got engaged and I showed him that very special outfit and all he wants to do is mine! When I pointed this out all he could say was “yeah,so”. I ran off before the tears came. I can’t help but wonder if I have made a big mistake!
I went and sat on a bench in Hlint for a while and then decided to see if he was in the Red Goblin caves. I fought my way down to him and asked if he was testing me in some way. He didn’t seemto understands so I asked him why having just got engaged and been shown a very revealing outfit I had spent hours making he’d rather be collect gems for me than trying to find the bits the out did manage to cover, not that there are many! It became obvious at that pointthat he hadn’t realised why I’d put the outfit on and he also pointed out he had been injured at the time. I muttered something about how he should stop making sense and how I’m not good at this and ran off again. He called to me so I waited. He asked if we could walk home together. That was a very quiet walk I can tell you. When we got to our room he asked to see the outfit again. I was sure he was humouring and told him so but put it on anyway! This time it had the desired effect!!! I can understand what some of the girls at the inn used to talk about now and I’m a very happy woman! He was very gentle too and made my first time special. One of the first things he asked me in the morning was if I was still mad. I pointed out it was difficult to be after that and that I’m sure it’s cheating to interrupt a row like that. Safe to say we didn’t make it out of the bedroom for a few more hours by which time I was starving!
We went downstairs to get some food. We need to hunt soon if we want to eat something other than fish! We started to discuss the wedding but got side tracked along the way and ended up back in bed until finally hunger drove us downstairs again. I could get very used to this but if I do we’ll never get anything done! We managed to eat and actually set a date for the wedding. I need to decide if we go and see my parents before the wedding for their blessing or after the wedding when it’s too late. We also need to find a spot to hold the wedding too. There is so very much to do and think about! I keep starting to feel overwhelmed by it all but Brit is very calm about it and I suspect he’s going to keep distracting me in the best way possible ;)
-
*written if flowing elven script. First letter accompanied by a little box containing a fire agate set in a copper ring*
172, Blackford Castle
Mistone
Dear Mother and Father
I hope my letter finds you in good health and that business is going well. I miss you and my brother but I am learning to find my way in the world. You will be happy to know I have found a room to rent in a nice area in sight of the castle.
I have discovered a new talent! I can craft gems and make jewellery. I really enjoy it and find spending the time taking a gem from its raw state to ring or necklace soothing. I have enclosed a gift for you Mother that I made myself. I have the possibility of apprenticing myself to a gem crafter. I have also found my other talents useful to adventures around Hlint and may be involved with Mistone’s defences against Blood’s army as I will answer the call if they recruit.
I have made some very good friends since I arrived. There is Master Nosslya who is a Dwarven Cleric I rent my room from, Elhara a lady elf, Elladan Peters a half elven Paladin who also rent’s a room from Master Nossyla and Brit Forgeheart.
In fact I am engaged to be married to Brit. I hope you will all be as happy as I am about this. I have thought very carefully about this and know it is the right thing for me to do as he makes me so happy. I would like to bring him to meet you before the wedding but I’m not sure we will manage it and would love it you could find time to visit us although I understand it is hard to take time away from the inn.
I will be sure to send you your invites as soon I can and hope that one of you at least will be able to make the ceremony although we haven’t decided on the location yet!
I’m sorry that I haven’t written before and that I have waited until I had such serious news to share. I also sorry that I haven’t been able to full express exactly how I feel but just hope you understand!
I look forward to your reply.
Your loving Daughter,
Ireth
172, Blackford Castle
Mistone
Dear Findecáno,
I fear I may have given Mother and Father cause for concernas my letter to them tells of my engagement to one Brit Forgeheart. He is a true and solid man who will do me no wrong. He cherishes me, does all he can to see me happy and I love him with all my heart. Please do you best to make them understand that it is what I want.
I have met a friend who reminds me of you brother dearest. He is always telling me to not rush in blindly and to think before I speak or act and to temper myself. I hope to introduce you soon.
I have discovered a trade brother dearest. I find crafting gems soothes my soul. There is something rather satisfying about taking a rough un-cut gem and finishing with a ring!
I miss you all very much but it has done me good to be out in the world on my own and I can only hope you like who I am becoming. I afraid that you will have to continue being the sensible one and I’m sorry for the burden my flightiness can put upon you.
Ireth
// If any of the wonderful ref’s actually have time to read this diary, are enjoying it and fancy playing Ireth’s Parents or Brother to answer these letters or to play them for one night only at the wedding (hopefully Friday 23rd December 8pm onwards GMT) then I’ll be a very happy bunny! You can even have a credit on the invite if you like ;)
-
Was walking into Hlint when I ran into a friend of Brit’s. We had a conversation about both being terrible with names and re-introduced ourselves!
Aroron and myself then discussed how happy with both are it turns out we are both involved with human’s. It was really nice to discuss things with a fellow elf, like how small human’s ears are and such a funny shape! He kindly gave us a glass statue to celebrate our engagemnt but I have no idea where we are going to put it! Aroron was also saying how he doesn’t get to hunt that much so I invited him along as I was out looking to re-fill the larder. We found a couple of deer and I felled mine with a good clean shot to the neck, Aroron took the other and although he shot wasn’t as clean it was still a good kill shot. Ah how I miss the joys of hunting! We cleaned and cooked our kills, then Aroron took his leave and retired into the woods. I hope to hunt with him again soon.
I was walking through Hlint to return home when I met up with Brit. We walked home together before he continued with his errands. I do so love him.
-
Took a walk into Hlint and as I was passing the Wild Surge Inn I saw the pretty elf (Ly'Sylria) Brit had been talking to a couple of friends who had recently fallen. I headed onto the Craft Hall and suggested to Brit (Can’t find him at home check Smithy, Craft Hall then start on mines) that we help her.
Took a walk back to her where Brit offered her his help. I took quite a few deep breaths and then made a joke to Ly about it. Her friend Sy Ravenne didn’t want to return to the place of her passing and left which seemed to confuse Ly so I handed her my canteen so she had something to do and hoped the rest didn’t notice. By this time we had a large group of people wanting to help.
I enjoyed chatting with Ly very much. I miss having a female friend so.
Ly had fallen in the Haven Mines so we fought our way to her grave and actually all worked together quite well. Ly can turn into animals and I think may have been raised by them from the way she’s been acting. Fought our way back out of the mine to have Brit walk off. Finally caught up with to have him mumble about his pack being heavy. I think I’m going to have to get used to this. Brit with metal about his person equals Brit in Smithy or on way to Smithy. Missed out on our share of the loot because I was chasing him so next time I’ll stay for the loot as I’ll always know where he is! I don’t mind sharing him with ore and ingots just not another person!
I let him go and walked back to Ly. W returned the head of the ogre chief to someone in Haven and then Ly felt the need to check on her pack. I thought I was right.I headed back in to Hlint and ran into Brit outside the bank. He was waiting to talk to someone about our invitations.
I over heard a young lady discussing Sy Ravenne and how she had ended a relationship with her because she had found someone new. I went and asked ever so politely if she’d tell me about it. She agreed and told me that Sy had said that she was interested in Ly. She also told me she wasn’t the first person Sy had done this to and that she’d probably do it to Ly too. Then a gentleman called Quinn joined the conversation and said that Ly is possibly starting to see Sy and a few others (maybe me & Brit) as part of her pack and that we might not need to worry. I commented that I hoped that Ly doesn’t get hurt as she brings out my protective side and then had to explain I was engaged not interested in her like that! It was shortly after that I realised Brit and Reef had wondered off so I though I’d better find them as he would be discussing the invites without me! I excused myself and found the boy’s just outside the gates of Hlint.
Brit really can be so wonderful. He had been talking to Reef but only to explain what we needed invites for and to ask if he could make them. He suggested I actually decided what we want with Reef at a later date. I suggested Reef should come to dinner closer to the time. Reef agreed this was a good idea and he’ll bring some samples with him. Brit had realised I was worried when I joined him and Reef so we went and sat by the pond so I could tell him what was worrying me.
I started to explain to Brit about Sy Ravenne and her possible desire to have a relationship with Ly. It turned out Brit knows Sy and about her attitude to people. I know it should matter but I had to ask if he was one of her ‘conquests’. Thankfully he isn’t. He asked me what he could do. I told him he could explain to Sy that I’ll tear her limb from limb if she hurts Ly. He told me she’d probably be able to beat me in a fight and I’d need his help. So stupid me asked if he’d give it. Of course that hurt him that I’d need to ask. Thankfully he accepted my apology! This relationship stuff is hard!
I also explained that Ly may be starting to consider us part of pack. He asked me if I had a problem with it so I explained that now I knew that was the reason why she’d been acting with him the way she had it wasn’t a problem. I think deep down he was happy when I told him I’d been a bit jealous for a while. I also pointed out that for a short while I’d been worried about her attitude towards me! Then I had to explain that some women don’t like men or just men. Then I had to explain that while Brit didn’t think it natural they obviously did and it was up to them.
I think all this talk of emotions was enough for him as he started muttering about ore! I suggested he went and did he’s own thing while I sat at the pond for a while.
I’m going to have to get used to certain aspects of Brit. I’m going to have to get used to the fact I’ve going to end up a Blacksmiths wife not that there is anything wrong with that it’s just I never imagined being anyone’s wife or having to share my man with metal. I suppose I’m as bad with gems and if you think about it we complement each other even there!
I’m also going to get used to his desire to expand the ‘family’ and that it’s going to include women. I might mention to him that it would be a good idea to mention to me that he’s asked someone to stop at the house especially if it’s a woman. Just because he doesn’t seem to get jealous doesn’t mean I don’t!
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I met Sharhar today on the road in Hlint. I’d recognise her anywhere from Brit’s description. I gather he’s told her about me to from she said although he hadn’t told her the latest news. She was very happy for us both when I told her about the wedding.
We discussed what we were both planning to do and as I was going hunting and she was hoping to make some leather I said I’d try and bring her some deer pelts back. I managed to bring her a good four or five and she was indeed able to make leather. We then met up again at the house where she gave me lots of arrow shafts to practice with. I really like her, lots. She returned to Master Noss’s bedside and I went outside to continue hunting to find Brit there. I think he’d been off helping Master Argos with his training. He was telling me Master Argos is getting very good with his axe now and I should see him in action sometime. Whydo I smell a trip down a mine?
I asked Brit if he’d make me some arrow heads again and of course he agreed. He also told me he’d talked to Ly and doubted she’d be hurt by Sy and also that she considered us part of her people pack. He was telling me how he’d shown her the house and wanted to show her the picture of me but once he told her that their was a house rule about taking visitors upstairs she refused and said she wouldn’t go unless I was there also. Smart girl that one! I explained to him that I seem to have a reaction to attractive women where he is concerned and could he please not take attractive women into our bedroom unless he’s mentioned it to me! He’s so sweet! He fell to his knees, tore open his shirt and told me I could put a blade through his heart if he ever touches another as he touches me. I know he would never do that to me but it was a nice gesture. There are so many here who seem to have very little morals it worries me. Especially as Brit is so handsome and nice. Oh and MINE! I decided I had more interesting things to do than hunt and retired with Brit to our room.
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Wondered into Hlint after a very happy few hours in bed with Brit. He of course had already wondered off on errands!
Noticed a few people around but decided to hunt. Took down two deer with two clean killshot’s. Oh I forgotten how much I enjoy hunting!
Wondered back into Hlint and spotted Angela so said hello. Was chatting to Angela when Elladan arrived so introduced them and after a while excused myself and went for a walk. I managed to almost fallover Ly who was sat on a hill top with a young man. I can’t wait to catch up with her on that one.
Wondered back to Angela, Elladan and a few others including Elhara. Angela told me not to worry about Ly as Quinn had spoken to her. I didn’t tell them what I’d seen. Ly can tell people in her own time!
Brit’s friend Kai arrived and was being a bit rude making comments about Elhara’s top. Then he started complaining that he needs a wife. I though this was a bit strange as I was told recently his wife had just died. Some people are very strange. Maybe it’s how he deals with it but I suspect not. I think he wants a wife so he knows there is someone waiting for him not cause he loves them. I asked him if he’d tried asking someone to marry him so he predictably asked me. I had great fun informing him I was going to marry Brit. I know Brit likes Kia but I’m not sure I do. Marriage is a serious thing not something to do to keep your bed warm! Burr arrived at some point and having spotted him I checked if I’d remembered correctly that he tailors. He said I had and I asked him if he’d consider making my wedding dress. He took me to see a dress that Rolf had made to see if I liked it and although it’s nice I like what Elhara made me for he party but it is a bit revelling! I showed him Elhara’s dress and we discussed colour. Humans seem to wear white for weddings. I don’t really care as long as there is no red on it! I think we decided on the main body being white with details in colour. I hope Elhara isn’t offended I didn’t ask her. She does lovely work but I thought I’d give Burr a challenge. Anyway she’ll be busy making her dress!
A group of people including that necromancer started talking about going down Haven Mines. I won’t do it. I don’t like adventuring with him especially if he’s in charge!
Brit walked into Hlint. God’s I love that man! I went over and gave him a kiss and Elladan gave him his congratulations. So there we are chatting and that Necromancer comes over and asks Brit if he wants to go to the Haven Mines, then adds that Elladan and his friend can come also! Elladan refused politely, Brit said no and I pointed out I’m his fiancé,not his friend. Actually I’m both but I don’t like that Necromancer! He did at least have the good grace to apologise.
Then Kai noticed Brit had arrived so proceeded to tell Brit how lucky he is. This surprised Brit slightly until I explained Kai had asked me to marry him.
Elladan then surprised me! He said he wanted to give us an early wedding present. He’s offered to switch rooms with us!!!! A bigger room!!! One we can fit a bath tub in! Of course Brit told him we’d have to thinkabout it. Think about it, silly man. By the end of the conversation the gift was accepted and now it’s just the details of swapping.
A bird then arrived for Brit from Master Noss so he must be feeling better. Especially as it told Brit he’d better be down a mine! Brit wondered off to do what ever errands Master Noss had asked him to while Elladan and I returned home.
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Was wondering around the house when Elladan came in. I thanked him for his offer to swap rooms again and asked him if he’d stand with me at the wedding if none of my family comes. He said yes and didn’t question why they might not which I was glad about! I’m dreading that they won’t answer my letters and that one day Brit will realises they haven’t and ask me about it. But I’ll try not to worry about that until it happens!
Brit arrived home and I left the boy’s to it. They need time to get to know each other to without me around and we need more food in larder.
Went to the craft hall first and was so proud of myself for managing to make a 100 arrows!! Had little luck with gems today though. Then I went deer hunting, gods but I do love a good hunt! Then I tried fishing. Safe to say I hate fishing. Did manage to catch fish but it takes far more patience than I have! But I can be proud of the fact I filled the larder to overflowing. Won’t stay that way for long but there you go.
Caught up with the boy’s in Hlint and walked home with them. Or should I say made a head start when they started talking about a big fish with teeth but they move fast so they caught me up. Elladan had to see Dalton in Fort Llast and as Brit and I were flirting decided to not come home with us. I’m afraid to say we were too busy flirting to realise or possible care!
Ah I can think of no better way to enjoy a few hours than totake a ‘nap’ with my beloved!
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Took a walk into Hlint and ran into Angela and a few others including the necromancer. We were chatting when Brit arrived. He seemed to annoy the necromancer slightly by calling him wizard, ah well I don’t think it bothered Brit!
He asked me to walk with him and took me to the place I bumped into Ly when she was with her gentleman friend.
We ended up discussing marriage, children and the future. I ended up telling him what I’d asked Rolf to look for and why and he’d said he’d prefer to let the god’s decided. That’s really easy for him he won’t be the one who’s pregnant or that’ll be expected to stay at home! I just know he'll be so protective it'lll drive me mad. I just hope it doesn't happen for a while! i'm also not sure I agree with him about letting the God's decided. It is something I am going to have to think quite hard about and possible discuss with him at a later date. I think sometimes he forgets how young we are and I know it hassn't occured to him how much his life will change if we were to have a child! He would need to contrate on a roof over our heads and food on the table not on helping people. Ah well I'm sure it'll be sorted in time but I might hold off on asking Rolf to stop looking as it's not like I said I would!
I told him I’d sort of assumed we’d have kids after we’d set him up in his own forge with our home built next to it. This really pleased him. He told me he’d been discussing the idea of being a paladin with Elladan. Now that was news to me as I didn’t even know he was religious! Ah well, time will tell.
I also warned him that if they call for volunteers to fight Blood’s army I’m going. Or course he pointed out he’d be by my side.
He also claimed to have overheard some women talking in Hlint about how I hate my dress but still wear it but couldn’t tell me who any of them are. I did admit that it wasn’t too my taste so he’s asked me to alter it to something I like.
I still think there is something fishy going on though as I don’t remember telling anyone other than Elladan and Burr that I’m not that keen on the dress he picked so how some women he can’t name where discussing itis beyond me. But other than reading my diary I can’t think of any way he’d find out. Maybe he is much cleverer than he shows or maybe he's really sneaky
On the whole though it was a good chat and I do so enjoy them with him! Then it was time for a swim!
I keep meaning to ask him if he invited to share his room hoping he could seduce me or if it was a fringe benefit that I fell for him but something alwyas happens to distract me. to be fair i had been keeping an eye out for him while wondering around Hlint and not just because he was nice either! I don't mind if that is why he asked me but I am curius to know!
He told me tonight that he's planning a surprise for me so that's something to look forward to. oh that reminds me! I need to write and ask Rolf if he can arrange for me to meet his freind that Gem crafts so i can do something about Brit's wedding ring. I have absolutly no idea and very little cash at the moment!
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So I wondering into Hlint and run into Brit and Pendar chatting. Brit had just asked Pendar to be his best man. So there we are chatting away about the wedding and how expensive it is and such like while I try to convince Brit I don’t expect a huge expense not that it sinks in. I told him I’d marry him there and then if he wants but he said he’d wait! He also said we needed to talk which worried me slightly. Then we got a note telling Master Noss is awake and wishes to talk to us so we excused ourselves from Pendar and head off.
Brit was very quiet on the way home and I found out why when we got outside the house. Brit is behind in his rent; in fact all in including the cost of the bigger room he’s heading towards being 100k in debt. I didn’t ask how or on what! It doesn’t matter. I just informed him we would stay in the same room we have now, get married today if we can find Pendar, cancel any orders for the wedding having paid whatever the craftsmen thought is a fair penalty for cancelling the order and start paying Master Noss off as soon as possible.
This argument took quite a while. I kept telling him that all I need is him and his love not material things. He kept telling me I deserve so much more. You can imagine how long it took!!!! Eventually he agreed that would be the way we will do things and left to look for Pendar while I went to talk to Master Noss.
Master Noss does not look well but he is improving at least! He asked me if Brit had told me how much debt he is in and I told him I knew and what I proposed to do about. Master Noss asked me if I’m willing to consider an idea of his. You lose nothing by listening so I listened!
Master Noss offered to pay off all 100K of Brit’s debts as a wedding gift but we would have to tell Brit that instead of paying Master Noss he was paying me and I could save it for our future. I refused! I will not lie to the man I love regardless of who asks me! I told Master Noss that I would agree to tell Brit that Master Noss would pay off the debts if Brit promises on his honour to pay me the equal for me to bank for our future as a wedding gift. Master Noss accused Brit of having no honour because he is in debt. I pointed out I am in debt to Master Noss also so does that mean I have no honour? Master Noss argued that I have paid 20 in the last month and Brit has paid nothing. I reminded Master Noss that may have something to do with me and it’s hardly fair to punish a man for falling in love! Master Noss seems to think I am mature for my years. I just think I’m practical! We then discussed how Brit was letting his studies slip and I had to point out that Master Noss has to get used to the fact that there is more in Brit’s life than there was before and it is unfair to expect him to work in the same way now that it is so. Master Noss said he will agree to my idea but only because I asked and he will also release Brit to study under another teacher if he wishes.
So I am to be wed as soon as possible! I just hope I can find Burr and cancel the dress before he starts!
I also hope I can find Elladan at least if not also Elhara as I know they would be upset to have missed it!
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I managed to track Burr down in Hlint adnthank the god's he hadn't started the dress. He seemed a little surprise I wanted to cancel it but i explained we had brought the wedding forward quite a lot. I truied to explain as best I could but I'm still not sure hu understood but no matter. He did make me think though as he commented that the next time we meet I would probably be married. It seems so strange. I'm not even nervous! Maybe it's because it fells like just the right thing to do! Maybe the panic hasn't set in yet! I do love him very much and I can't actually see how it matters that we pledge ourselves to each other so I supose when shouldn't matter either! I just hope we make each other happy!
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I tracked down Elhara who was just finishing my dress and had done an amazing job I might add when it occurred to me that Brit might not have been able to find Pendar so I thought it would be a good idea to look for a cleric. I ran into a group of people outside the Wild Surge in and asked if any of them was a cleric. God’s I’m lucky. There was indeed a cleric of Aeridin called Shelu. I explained I need to get married and today. We went to the temple and she explained she wasn’t experienced enough and introduced me to Reventage who agreed to marry us in the court house.
As I was dashing off to find Brit I ran into Rolf who agreed to try and hunt down Elladan for me. Must try and remember to tell him about the Cleric. Anyway I dashed back to the house to find Brit and Elhara talking outside so I grabbed them and rushed back to the court house in Hlint.
Rolf managed to track Elladan down and they made it just in time for us to start getting nervous. Reventage was really nice and did mange to keep me fairly calm with her gentle presence.
Then it was onto the ceremony. The room was really beautiful with flowers every where. I can hardly remember the ceremony itself other than to know I was so happy that it was happening! I am now his wife!!! I’m so happy I could burst!
Reventage did such a lovely ceremony it made it all the more magical. Brit asked her if she minded if we used the Rev part of her name in the first name of our daughter. I think that conveyed how much we wished to honour her. We also asked her to join us for a drink. Must remember to give a donation at the temple soon.
The others left us and we had a moment to collect ourselves and when we went out into the main body of the court house there were some well wishers. I have no idea how they knew and I don’t remember half of them but it was nice! Anoron gave us a gift of a mandolin and Acacea gave us some drinks! Then it was time to retire to the inn. Toasts were made, drinks drunk and Reventage graced us with her playing. I noticed that Brit was becoming slightly worse for wear from drinking so suggested we return home as I know he would feel terrible if he did something silly on our wedding day. When we returned home and he’d carried me upstairs we discussed some of the strangest things while he was slowly unlacing my dress. He admitted that it might not be the right time to have children and maybe we should live a little and have some fun first. I asked him if this meant if Rolf found something to prevent pregnancy’s I should take it. He said he’d never tell me take anything but nor would he be angry if I did. God’s I love him. Then we discussed Master Nosslya’s wedding gift. He asked me if I want him to accept and I refused to make that decision for him but wanted him to think hard about how he will feel handing his money over to me until he has paid me the 100k. He is happy to do it so we will accept Master Nosslya’s offer. This does mean we have a larger room and it is our own. I also asked him to drink fruit juice unless we are at home and not to get is debt again. He agreed to both of these and commented that he needed to ask Elhara to use less strings when making my dresses. The rest of course is between me and my darling husband other than to say I am the happiest woman alive today!!!!
//Thanks once again for Dorganath for doing an amazing job of decoration the room and Revventage for holding the ceramony! was a really nice roleplaying experience for all of us.
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As I lie here holding my beloved in my arms I can’t help but think about how so much has happened so quickly.
I mean I knew I found Brit attractive the first time I laid eyes on him without his helm all those months ago but I never dreamed I would fall in love and wish to be his wife!
I had no idea he felt that way about me either. Well until we were discussing rooms that its!
I do worry occasionally that he doesn’t love me the way he thinks and it’s rather that I distract him from that dark place inside him and that if he ever master’s that dark place he will realise he doesn’t love me. Unfortunately only time will answer that.
I can’t help that worry that as he gets old and I do not that it will cause him pain and I never ever wish to cause this man of mine pain! Again only time will tell. Maybe if we find a nice quiet town and open a forge it will be less of a strain for him. Especially if we have children he can pass his skills to.
I never imagined I would care so much about making another happy! I feel guilty sometimes as I know he worries that it is not what I wish but that is because he is thinking in terms of a human lifetime and not an elven one. The eighty or so years we have left to spend with each other is hardly much out of my life so why would I not wish to spend it making him happy? I don’t mean to sound cold but if there is anything I wish to achieve that I can’t while we are together I still have a very long time to do so after he has passed over to the Soul Mother arms. I know of no way I can explain this to him without upsetting him. I am happy to do what ever makes him happy because I love him so and there is nothing at present I wish to do that I can’t so it isn’t a problem. He just needs to stop trying to think what I want for me and ask me! He said if he travels he could make more gold quicker yesterday and was shocked when I said I was happy to travel with him. I do not understand why! Why would I not wish to be by the side of the man I love through thick and thin? I mean while I am not the warrior he is I have my uses in a fight and enjoy a good hunt. I wish he would understand that I will do anything to make him happy (short of another woman) and love him with all my heart! I would give my life for his if the Soul Mother asked it!
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I was at home earlier when Master Noss came out of his room and suggested we move furniture. He also showed me a chest full of gold and gems which he says I can work when I am good enough as he is retiring from gem craft to concentrate on his alchemy. He also said he would be honoured to have us stay here even if we had children and he would love to help care for any children we have. I did tell him what I had asked Rolf to do for me but he changed the subject.
We got Elladan stuff out of his room and moved our stuff down and added the things I have brought also and I think between us we did a good job! It did wear him out though so he went to rest.
Brit arrived and was impressed with the room, especially the bath. It very, very decedent to be having a bath together in the middle of the day! Then of course we started talking. It went well to start with and he admitted that he had invited me to share his room hoping he would get closer to me, marry me and have children with me. I asked him if he knew why I said yes to his offer and he said he thought it was because I’d liked what I’d seen. I was really starting to wonder if he’s been reading my diary by then! He also told me that he saw more an interest in his looks in m eyes. I was impressed as I lusted after him something terrible but being me I wanted to know the man beneath before I went to bed with him. Then things went down hill.
We started talking about Master Noss and nearly had a huge row! Brit is not happy that I have refused his ring idea. I also haven’t been explaining what Master Noss has been saying and now Brit has the wrong idea there. I’ll have to leave Master Noss a note confessing my mistake and hoping he can put things right.
Ended up having a deep and meaningful conversation with him asking me to teach him to be a better man, husband and lover. I pointed out that I can’t teach him to be a better man than the one he already is but I can show him that he is the man he wants to be already. I can’t teach him to be a husband but we can learn what marriage is together and I certainly can’t teach him to be a lover. In fact he needs to teach me on that front!
Also had a very strange conversation trying to explain he can’t spend all his time with me because it just isn’t practical! Did have another nice bit where he told me he wishes to take me to see Pranzis but it will cost around 2000 gold. I have told him that if he gives me 3000 gold towards the 100k then we will go.
All very strange! I also noticed when I asked him for a drink out of his canteen it was a different one he passed me from the one he drinks out of. Must check that later.
Ended the afternoon testing the bed which was most enjoyable and then checked his flasks to be pleasantly surprised to find apple juice!
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I do him more harm than good!
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I sent Master Noss a note explaining that I had made acomplete mess of trying to explain things to Brit and asked him to please talk to Brit.
I later ran into Master Noss who assured me he had spoke to Brit and then went on to explain a little more of Brit’s background to me.
Brit’s Mother had an affair with his Father’s best friend who was also a dwarf and Brit got to see the pain the dwarf suffered when his Mother died because he had spent all his time at the forge and little with Brit’s Mother. Surely if he had tried to spend more time with her Brit’s Father would have suspected? My brain hurts. Why can’t people just love the person they have married with all their heart and no other? But this does explain why Brit wants to spend all his time with me. Master Noss seems to think Brit has a vengeance demon he needs to fight. I tried to explain how I see things to him and I think he understood. I also explained that I think I have a demon of my own as I seem to suffer from being jealous with no reason. He said I needed to talk to Brit, I'm not sure I agree but will see how it goes. Then he needed to rest.
Brit arrived home and we had a good time together as we always do. We discussed his chat with Master Noss and he told me how happy it made him that I cared that much about him. I told him I’d applied to have my family name changed to his at the court house. I’m sure more must have happened but I can’t remember it!
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Brit wanted to go for a walk into Hlint today as man & wife and buy some furniture. He also wanted to give me some money towards the 100k.
We ran into that necromancer and some others who tried to talk us into joining them going to Haven mines but we declined.
Then we ran into my friend Mah the orc in the kitchen of the Wild Surge Inn. We had a very good chat and he gave us a pie. It was nice to introduce Brit to my friend although being men it took them a while to find something to talk about.
We then ran into Ly after we’d looked at furniture she congratulated us but seemed troubled. She said there was nothing wrong but I didn’t believe her so tried to gently remind her that just because we are happy doesn’t mean we can’t help her and Brit told me (TOLD me) to leave her be. BRIT!! The man who usually locks his jaws so to speak and won’t let go just let it slide. Then Ly had to dash off, again! I haven’t had a decent chat with her since the walk to Haven mines and even then it was hardly what I’d call a good chat. Brit on the other hand has had two very quiet and cosy chat’s with her. I swear it’s like I’m possessed! I know he would never cheat on me but something just comes over me. I was nasty to him all the way till we were on the road to Fort Llast when I finally managed to explain that I think I have a demon of my own! I can’t help but get jealous and I know it’s wrong. I have asked him to help me fight my demon as he has asked me to help with his! Bless him though. He was all ready to promise to never speak to another woman again almos, if it made me happy! I told him that while it would be nice I need to learn to deal with this as he should be able to have friends without me freaking out all the time!
He is so very good to me and all I do is be mean to him and drive him mad!!!
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Walked into Hlint today to see Master Noss and Shar stood by the well so I could share my good news! In fact today is a great day because the court have sorted out the paperwork to change my name and Master Noss is feeling better!!! There was a strange elf standing off to one side so I went to say hello. He was a bit stand offish but that’s not always unusual for elves. Shar seemed to get agitated by me talking to him and Master Noss asked me to return to the house with them. The elf seemed surprised I would do as a dwarf asked but I politely took my leave and we headed home.
On the road to Fort Llast I just caught sightof the elf following us using some form of subterfuge. I warned Master Noss of this outside the Castle and stopped behind while he and Shar went inside. I did not catch sight of the elf again nor could I track him. Shar did not want to talk about the elf outside the house so Master Noss cast a spell which let us see invisible things and we ran for the house. None of us saw the elf!
Shar explained, well Shar explained lots of things. It made my head hurt but the up shot is she doesn’t like that elf because he tried to buy Kai’s dead wife corpse off Kai. Don’t blame her for that! She has problems with other things but I think Master Noss will solve those in time! She left us for a lie down.
Master Noss asked if I had spoken to Brit about my demon. I put his mind at rest and said yes. He asked me to try and explain the problem which I did and when I had done he asked why I didn’t just test Brit. We then had a long discussion about testing people and Master Noss is sure Brit will have tested me. Master Noss remembered some more furniture to go in our room and I admitted how I had accidentally flirted with someone and felt so bad. He told me it was up to me to decide if I should tell Brit or not.
I went for a lay down!
When I got up I wanted to find Brit so headed for the Goblin Caves as it’s the nearest place to mine metal and found him there with Pendar. I apologised to Pendar about the wedding as I do feel bad. We decided to walk back to the Smith and I took the opportunity to tell Brit about my name. He was so happy. Ended up leaving Brit and Pendar to it and having a chat with Kai and Anoron. Kai is to get married to Sy. There must be something in the water but at least they are well matched!
Decided to find Brit and having checked the Smith and craft hall realised he was probably getting clay for moulds. I found him out at the Lake and told him about Kai and Sy. He doesn’t think it will last!
We went back to the craft hall and as it was quiet I asked him if he’d ever tested me. Off course Pendar returned at this point and then Sy arrived to speak to a lady stood close by. We congratulated Sy, said our good byes to Pendar and went outside to talk.
Brit has never tested me and couldn’t quite grasp what I was on about until I further explained. Gods he must be sick to death of my whinging about how jealous I get. He did admit he had wanted to hug Shar but hadn’t in case it upset me. I told him he can always hug Shar. Then I explained how I had flirted by accident and I could tell he was getting angry but he asked me if it was just words or touching. I put his mind at rest that it was just words as I would never touch another that way. He gave me a big hug and a kiss and told me there was no harm done as it was only words. I pointed out if he had done that I would have reacted like a wild animal someone had caged. We aren’t quite sure what to do but I have promised that if we are talking to people and I start to feel bad or jealous I will reach out and hold his hand so he knows. A bit like me blowing him a kiss if he is over reacting to my teasing I suppose. Then we went down the sewers and gathered mushrooms for me to make polishing oil with or as Brit suggest,possible ask Elladan.
I went to met Brit at the craft hall having been to the bank to discover him chatting to a dwarf about minerals. The dwarf kindly gave me some he has little use for and then someone called Ty who knows Brit joined us. He wanted to know if either of us could set a stone in his sword but neither if us does. He left and just as we were taking our leave of the dwarf a Paladin of Toran joined us but it wasn’t that Justin fellow so I didn’t mind. We continued to take our leave and returned home for yet another bath. At this rate Master Noss will hear the patter of tiny feet soon!
I still can not believe how wonderful this man of mine is to put up with me!
-
Finally decided I should get down the craft house and actually do some proper work for the first time in well ages. Brit can be such a distraction sometimes!
So I get to just outside the gates and see a large cat surrounded by a group of people who are attacking it. Sy seemed to be the main antagonist but I believe others we also hurting it. The strange thing is that for a large cat it wasn’t acting right. It was attacking or anything. Then it fell and died and in its place lay Ly!
God’s that woman Sy is a complete menace! Of course Sy was mortified, Angela was also there and started berating Sy. I tried to find out what happened and it became apparent that a woman named Thais who seems to be Sy’s new plaything was also involved. I wonder what happened to poor Kai?
I gently picked up Ly’s body and was trying to blot out all the talk while I decided where to take it. No one knows where her pack’s den is. Brit arrived and it felt good to feel his strong presence near by. Elladan arrived also and I fear I was short with him but I’m sure he understood. Sy said Ly was happy in the grove in the forest which makes sense. I asked Brit if he could lead me there and asked Elladan to guard our back. What asight we must have made, my love all in his black armour leading myself carrying Ly followed by Elladan the one I call brother in his bright white.
When we reached the grove I realised it was Elladan’s temple,this pleased me for at least Elladan’s is a god I can respect. I laid Ly’s body gently upon the grass,lowered my bow and tried to show the proper respect to Elladan’s God but I was too angry! I asked Elladan to guard her body so I could return for my ox know he would agree and if I moved fast enough my beloved would not catch me up and I could have a moment or two with Sy if she still argued where Ly fell.
I didn’t see Sy when I returned and didn’t want to spend time tracking her when my friend’s body is not yet cold so I started to return to the grove when I bumped into my beloved. As he was talking too my Sy and Thais walked up. Sy asked me if Ly was at peace and I couldn’t resist asking why she cared when it was her hand that had struck down one she was supposed to call friend. I left them talking Brit and carried on. We both arrived back at the grove a short time later. Thankfully Sy and Thais had not followed with Brit.
Trysk was knelt in prayer when I returned, I’m sure I remember seeing him there but to be honest it was a blur and I know I said things that have now slipped my mind.
Elladan and Brit wished to know what had happened so I told them what I had seen. Trysk then explained he could fill in the bit before we arrived so we listened.
It transpired that Ly in the form of a cat had ripped out Thais throat and had resisted attempts to subdue her. Thais had been raised and Ly attacked & killed. I tried to find out if Thais is Sy’s latest plaything and commented that Sy didn’t seem to understand about Ly and the pack mentality and that was possibly to blame for the attack. Trysk asked if I would explain about the pack thing at a different time. I told him I doubted I understand it full but will try!
Then her young man arrived, I do not know his name but recognise him from the night I nearly fell over them kissing!
Elladan was doing his best to raise her, Trysk was praying, her young man was praying, I was praying inside my head while the tears fell down my face and Brit held me. Gods but I needed his strength and he so gladly gave it.
Suddenly a simmering aura of Ly appeared over her body and asked why she should come back when there was such pain. As if one Elladan and I said for love. Her young man also spoke to her. Brit gently whispered that if these we her last goodbyes I should let her love speak which I did until she asked who would stand with her if she retuned. I had to speak up and say I would then. At some point during all this Trysk’s lady Ranewin had arrived.
Then the simmering image almost seemed to sneer in an evil manner and bubble with green ooze. Suddenly a strange figure appeared amoungst us and struck Trusk and Ranewin down with a whip, I managed to draw my bow and fire just as it struck down Elladan, Brit and Ly’s love. I believe I was the last to fall but naught mattered for Brit had fallen!!!! He is my rock, my love, my joy and he had fallen as did I. The next thing I remember is standing back in the grove. Trysk was raised, Ranewin was raised, Ly’s love was raised, I was raised and then thank the God’s were Brit and Elladan! A lady with wings stood before us! As we were trying to make sense of what had happened we realised Ly was gone. The Lady told us that Dougal had taken her. Dougal it turns out is the servant of The Rising God Shadison, who’s constellation is the snake. I have never heard of him before but Elladan had heard Dougal’s name and thinks it is something to do with Blood. The Lady told us that Ly will have been taken to the temple, so us being us asked how we could get her back! The Lady told us we were not strong enough and many would fall. As if we cared! She said there was a portal in Spellguard and then vanished.
The next thing we know we are in Spellguard, Sy and Thais were with us. The Lady appeared again,explained where the entrance was and reminded us again we may not be strong enough. I explained to Sy what we were doing and to be fair to her she took it well.
We went into the house and started to fight our way down, Elladan fell many times but was raised each time, I believe Sy fell also. Brit and I were lucky and did not fall! There seemed to be some problems with magic and Sy set off at least one trap not waiting for me to disarm it! Eventually we reach an area filled with the voices of children. Brit told me he could not leave the children there. I told him to floow my voice and be strong! I saw Dougal and engaged him but he just vanished.
We went through a corridor with bedrooms off it and found a door we could not open. We returned to search the rooms and were attacked by children. I fell but Elladan managed to heal me before falling himself. Then the children vanished leaving one child who spoke to Brit and I. Or more honestly mocked us! She thought Brit attacked her when Crypt vipers appeared but he explained he had hit her by accident trying to protect her! That seemed to confuse her slightly. She disappeared and I was able to open the door.
We entered the last room to see what looked like a demon fighting Dougal with Ly at their feet. Elladan rushed in to attacked Dougal and fell. We all attacked but I fear it was the ‘demon’ who actually defeated Dougal although as he just vanished I fear we will see him again.
I’m not sure what happened next but Sy challenged the ‘demon’ and died. The ‘demon’ thrust her sword through Ly and raised her telling Ly that she owed her a debt. Then she raised Elladan and told him that he too owed a debt. Elladan being Elladan told her he had not asked so she killed him.
Thais was whining about how bad it was Sy was dead and how cruel the ‘demon’ was. I offered to pay Elladan’s debt for he is as my brother but Ly stepped in front and would not let me. The ‘demon’ accepted her offer. Thais was still whining about Sy and no one else stepped forward so I offered to pay the debt for Sy. The ‘demon’ accepted my offer. Trysk called her a demon at some point and she was offended and commented how he was judging her by the way she look and that her people too had been fighting Blood. Trysk bless him told her he normally called all planar beings demons. She is actually and Avatar as is the Lady who showed us the way here.
The Avatar turned to Ly and I, reminded us of our debt and said she will collect. Ly went a bit mad then demanding to know why I owed a debt as she had said she would pay for Elladan. I told her I had stood for Sy. She demanded she should also have Sy’s debt too but I told her that I will not see her stand alone. Then we were back in Spellguard. I’m sure more happened but by then I was tired. I asked Brit to take me home.
Ly argued with me for most the way demanding to know why I had a done all that I had. I told her she is as sister too me. We continued to argue until I could no more!
Brit, Elladan and I left the rest, collected our oxen fromthe temple and returned home. Then it was to bed in the arms of my love! I know he will try to help me pay my debt as will Elladan if he can. I can only hope to the God's they may!
//Great time, thanks to the wondering DM. Elladan has promised in future he will not mutter the words “If only there was a DM around watching this” at 12.20am BST when I have to get up with the kids at 7am BST but I don’t believe him and the lack of sleep is worth it. I’m aLayonara addict I tell you!
-
As I lie here in the arms of the man I love and even knowing my failings loves me back with all his being I can not help but wonder what I have done!
I would not have left Ly to Dougal or have her carry the burden on her own, nay I could not have done that but to offer to pay the Avatar a debt for Sy?
I can feel his strong arms around me and his gentle breath on my neck and wonder if this will cause him pain? Have I brought down hurt upon him by this action? He will go wild with fear and anger if he can not help me pay the debt and if the debt be my life I am scared he will never recover and what ever eats at this soul will have won. All for a woman like Sy!
I wish I could say I’d done it because I see the good in Sy but nay that was not the reason.
I did it because I would not see my sister stand alone and because someone had to. The whining child had her chance and did not take it and regardless of Thais true age a whining child is all she is. I hope those reasons are noble enough for my love to understand. I hope if I am taken without him Elladan can help him through. I hope my time with him is long but I fear with Blood’s forces growing closer it will be sooner rather than later.
Oh my love, what have I done to us? I could not stand by and leave her to face it on her own but nor would I leave you!
I will try to talk to him in the morning and hope, aye hope is all I can do!
-
I have spoken to Sy. God's how I have wrong her. I have judged her and ignored all attempts she has made to be nice to me through listening to others. I have to right to expect anything from her as my offer to the Avatar was freely given and I have wronged her. I have asked for the chance to get to know the real Sy and not the one people talk of. She was suspicious but who can blame her. I have said I will not pretend to like her but wish to get to know her. I hope I get the chance!
-
I spoke further to Sy.
She told me the story of her loves. It is good to get both sides of these things.
I like Sy. I will not repeat what she has told me as it is her story to tell nor not as she choose but she has been ill used also!
I have invited her, Kai and Thais to dinner!
-
Spoke to Brit about my promise to the Avatar. He reminded me I made a promise to him first. He is right. I am not as used to think of another as I thought. I hope the Avatar's debt does Not take me away from him forever! He forgave me and allowed me to make it up to him, in the bedroom of course :)
He is worried Sy will try and make me her new plaything. Put his mind at rest there.
Went and got some hickory to make shafts and trade with a lady. brit got to introduce us as the 'forgehearts'. I bet he's been dying to do that!
All in all a good day!
-
returned to the craft house and manged to make about 20 arrows and failed to make about 60. I am lucky my beloved is so talented with metal and makes arrow heads for me!
Ran into Trysk in hlint on the benches. We asked how each other fared after last night. He told me that Brit is lucky because I am so brave. That was nice. He also told me that if his sword will be of use in paying the debt to the Avatar then he will help which was also nice. Kai turned up and tired to flirt and a few others arrived. i ended up trading some of the oak arrow shafts Brit has made me for cougar leather armour with kai. i know Brit won;t mind as it will keep me safer in combat. kai has a nice side to which he likes to keep hidden. I think the dinner involving Kai and Sy will be fun! I just hope Brit feels the same and isn't try to be nice to me.
We shall see!
-
Went and did some gem crafting. I must try and get out the house more when Brit is about so he can help me collect some more minerals. For some reason we are bad at making it out of our own bedroom door!
I also finished making the red dress. I hope Brit is as happy with it as I am! It took me a while but I want to spend the time and effort getting it right. I like doing things that make Brit happy. I know I’m bad at showing him how much he means to me so maybe this will help!
Decided to have a wonder in the Hickory forest outside Hlint and nearly died when I stumbled into the orcs there. I daren’t tell Brit how silly I was. I thought I would be able and was far from it! I must remember I am only a good hunter and scout not a great warrior!
I rested and walked home.
-
Brit was upstairs when I returned home and when he came down he was telling me there is a house for sale in Pranzis. It’s quite expensive but he wishes to have a look. He suggested it as another home for the family. I daren’t ask if that meant the family at large or maybe our family if we have children. I’m fairly certain he means the family at large as we hardly have the money needed to but a house.
I told him I’d finished the dress and showed it to him. He seemed to like it. I also told him I wouldn’t wear it in town as I know he wouldn’t like it. He told me that it was ok and I could wear it in town. Something was off though I’m not sure if it was his tone but if felt like a test. I replied that I’d only wear it if he was there and he made a comment about making commoners jealous. It seemed to be a joke but I’m not sure.
The he suggested we hunt undead in the Broken Forest. I told him I’d traded for new armour and he still seemed strange. I asked him what was wrong and he told me everything was fine but then muttered something under his breath. I really was getting very confused and starting to feel worried. He seemed surprised I didn’t know what was wrong.
Oh I knew what was wrong. He is still angry about the promise I made to the Avatar. The promise I made sure I spoke to him about and thought we had understood each other about, the promise I apologised for and had my apology accepted.
He was talking as if he didn’t want me to stay and when I asked he turned it round and told me he didn’t wish to keep me with him if it wasn’t what I wanted.
I asked him how else I was to prove my love to him and he replied by keeping my promise to him. God’s that hurt, really hurt and it hurt so much because he is right!
I didn’t think when I made the offer to the Avatar but do I have to pay for that for the rest of his life? He also seems to think that the Avatar is evil and bound to take me away forever. I tried to explain that she also might just want help on a quest. I’m not sure either one of us got across what we wanted to on that one. I told him that if the Avatar’s price is too high then she can take back Sy’s life for all I care as long as I still have him but I don’t think it sank in. All that seemed to matter was I had promised him and I had failed him.
God’s how I asked him not to raise me on that pedestal! I told him that one day I would fail and fall, aye and within days of marrying him too. I don’t blame him for feeling hurt and possible even betrayed but it really wasn’t planned or intended. I didn’t coldly remember my promise to him and ignore it. Someone had to do the right thing and no one was so I did. I tried to explain that to him. He told me I was naive for thinking I can defeat evil on my own. I know I can’t defeat Blood or other evils on my own but nor can I pretend they don’t exist and walk away. I’m not sure if this has been sorted out this time but I apologised again and he accepted again. I can only hope it is the end of the matter and that having the debt hanging over us doesn’t eat at him or I fear it will be the end of us also.
He held me in his arms and we talked a little more. God’s I love this man and I have to remember the commitment as well as the fun and rolls in the hay. I have made him a promise and it needs to be as set in my mind as Elladan’s promise to his God. There is no point me talking to Pendar about buying a forge with Brit and not worrying about things I wish to do as I will have time when Brit has passed over to the Soul Mother if I hurt him so! Having said that he needs to understand that I can and will make mistakes and learn to forgive me or we will go no where and the hurt will come well before either of our deaths!
I then asked him if he really meant what he said about the red dress as I wasn’t sure he did. He said he was happy for me to wear it in town as it show’s how talented I am at crafting, my beauty and what a lucky man he is. I liked that but told him I will only wear it when he is with me becauseI have him and only want him so do not need to display ‘my assets’ so to speak but if he is with me it is showing the world my beauty. He seemed to understand this which is something. He asked to see the dress again (in his roundabout way) and even suggested doing something right there on the table but the thought of Elladan, Master Noss, Shar or Master Argos returning home to find us was not one I relished! I didn’t mind when he carried me into the bedroom though. I hope he will not get bored of me. I am innocent in these matters (it never occurred to me to use the table) as he is my first and he will be the only one until the day he dies or until he wishes to be with me no longer. I hope the former is a long way in the future and the latter never comes!
I do wish sometimes that he could see how hard it is for me in some ways. I still have not heard from my brother or parents. If they wish to have nothing to with me because of my choice to marry him (I can’t think they would but….) then it will effect me long after he is gone but yet I have taken that step because he means the world to me and I love him so. Also while there have been no others I wished to give myself to that does not mean there have not been those who have wished to have me and I refused them all waiting for the right one! Does the fact he was my first not mean anything to him or is that just something that means much to us women? Or maybe I judge him too harsh there. I would like to think he would not have held it against me if he wasn’t my first but I can’t help think he is secretly pleased he was! I know none of this is the same as me forgetting my promise on our wedding day but it would be nice to know it matters to him in some way.
I try so hard not to worry and just live life as it comes but my choices scare me sometimes.
Sometimes I can’t help but think……
What will we do if he can’t cope with my debt to the Avatar?
What will I do if he tires of me or decides he never wanted me at all?
What will I do when he is gone and there is naught but a hole left in my soul and a tear in my heart?
-
Wondered into Hlint cause I had a feeling Brit would be there and bumped into Angela, Acacea and other lady. Angela and Acacea where just telling me they had seen Brit recently while the other lady was making comments about pretty people when Brit walked up so I kissed him hello. At this point the stranger made a comment about how she want one so I informed her he was all mine. Brit took the opportunity of me being distracted to throw me over his shoulder and inform the three ladies that they must excuse us but he wants a daughter.
He put me down when we got outside Hlint but I loved it! Then he did another one of his shouts at the Gods about how much he loves me which I adore! I think we can say the argument from earlier is behind us!
We decided to go mineral hunting. It was a good hunt apart from the bit where I nearly died but Brit took care of me. No mystery minerals though and they are my favourite kind! Had a very strange conversation about what we are going to call our children and he'd asked Rolf about elven pregnancies which I thought was sweet.
We returned to Hlint and I spotted Trysk. As I need to talk to him I checked Brit was ok at the Craft house on his own and head back to Trysk.
I had a good chat to Trysk and learned more about the Avatars as well as Ozy but suddenly I got a cold shiver down my spine and knew Brit was in trouble. I head out of Hlint through the gates past the Craft House as it made most sense to discover him sat by the roadside badly injured. He’d run into kobolds collecting clay on his own. A small discussion ensued about doing daft things without the other around. I then put his mind at rest that according to Trysk the Avatar I am in debt to is on our side and not likely to demand my life or anything silly rather my aid. I also found out why Ozy licks people but chose not to share it just yet. Will wait until he’s in a very good mood first. He tried to demand that if I am to die he will be at my side until I pointed out that would mean I couldn’t do anything even slightly dangerous with anyone else. He realised this was a bit silly and asked if I would keep him involved in things. I had to point out that having been invited to go adventuring with others I was in fact sat by the roadside with him. He is so daft sometimes!
He keeps asking the God’s for a daughter as beautiful and smart as her mother. I keep trying to explain daughters are trouble but he won’t listen!
Then Kai ran up and kissed him, then ran off! It was so funny!! I had to explain it was my fault as Kai had tried to get me to kiss him (in a good natured way) and I told him he was welcome to kiss Brit if he wanted to but I wasn’t sure Brit was up for it!
Kai also tried to invite himself back to join me in a hot bath and I told him he was welcome to have a bath with Brit. I smell a possible practical joke but will have to think on it!
Brit left to work on arrow heads and I dozed in the sun but not before we’d arranged to meet at home for a nice hot bath!
-
Went into Hlint and was chatting to Pendar when Master Noss arrived. Master Noss is hoping to buy another house soon and knows Pendar is looking for a room. It would be really nice if Pendar joins the family. I like him!
Master Noss wondered off on his own business leaving Pendar and I to chat. We taked about rings and Brit & me. Kai wondered past a few times commenting on how cute I am. That man is terrible! Part of me really hopes he isn't in Hlint the first time I wear my red dress.
Pendar had to go and rest so I sat deciding what to do next when Master Noss asked me if I wished to go undead hunting. Off to the Broken Forest we go via Krandar to check for house for sale of course!
We had a good hunt but Master Noss refused his share of the loot as he already has enough money. I told him I would add it my share and put it in the bank towards our savings. That pleased him. It pleased him more when I told him Brit had already made a payment of 3000 towards the 100k he needs to save. I'm not sure what happened to make Master Noss think badly of Brit but I'm always glad to improve Master Noss's opnion of him.
After the undead hunting we went to Leilon to see if there were any house for sale. Master Noss told me that Rolf is no longer our neighbour and that Kai is. Brit will start to worry at this rate.
I decided to go home and Master Noss decided to collect roots for his potions. It was nice to be out with Master Noss.
I was thinking on the way home about Brit. He keeps talking about having daughters. It worries me in case we have a son as our first child. Will he love it and cherish it or will he turn away from it? Also last time we discussed children he said it might be nice to wait and have some fun first but now I'm not so sure that's how he feels. It's very complicated and confusing! I've also had to try and remind him that there are more than his traditions to think of when it comes to raising our children. I want my children to know of all their heritage! This is going to be on going, I can tell!
-
Went and rescued Brit from a lady in the craft house today. I know nothing about her other than she is a wild elf and Brit seemed to think he’d upset her. Brit seemed to think I don’t like his armour Black. He can be strange sometimes!
Walked through Hlint wearing the new red outfit so of course ran into Kai. I was rather hoping to get used to this outfit first before having to deal with his comments but all he said was “wow”.
Went home to collect materials to make more arrows and ran into Master Argos who suggested a Topaz mining trip. I thought this was a really good idea as long as I get to make arrows!
Elladan came downstairs just as I was filling my canteens so I invited him also. Off we all set. It was a good time. We were all easy with each other. I collect the Topaz and the boys took care off the ogres & mercenaries with support from me. I even managed to deliver the package to Larry on our way to hunt undead in the Broken Forest. We ran into Reef as we were about to start hunting undead so he joined us for a spell. That was nice too. I like Reef.
Then we decided to look for the lady’s oil in Grey Peaks. Just as we were about to head there another large group ran into us also heading the same way. They suggested we join up but that Necromancer was in the group. He finally seemed to realise that we were not keen adventuring with him and apologised for what he said to Elladan. He then had a discussion with Elladan and we joined forces. Oh how I wish we had walked away and come back for another time!
Normally on such trips I loot. I almost seem to have a sixth sense for where people might hide loot about their person. So when Garnet asked I volunteered and Elladan suggested me also. No one argued but yet someone else kept beating me to the bodies. I can not be sure who it was or I would have challenged them. Tactics seemed to be slightly lacking and I came very close to losing Brit in a fight where we did lose Angela but luckily I managed to heal him in time.
We carried on and Garnet asked about the looting again. Someone commented I was doing it and I took the opportunity to point out I had not been able. The person who had been looting chose not to speak up.
Then we went down a peak to a large group if ogres and I fell. It was chaos. The last thing I remember is someone running towards me being chased by some ogres and think ‘no, I have nowhere to hide and they are stronger!’
I fell and found myself in Leilon at the Bindstone. I started to walk home and realised that I had lost about half of the money we had collected on our earlier adventures before we’d gone to Grey Peaks. That saddened me!
I was nearly home when Brit ran up to me, collected me in his arms and carried me home.
He apologised for not saving me, I apologised for dying and losing the coin. I also apologised for not waiting to see if there was anyone to raise me.
None of it really mattered. What mattered is he had come to me to hold me in his arms while I recovered.
He commented that maybe it had been too dangerous and I reminded him I am not made of glass! He seemed to understand but said he wasn’t sure we should go to Pranzis as the journey is also dangerous. I’m sure we will talk of it another day.
Elladan and Elhara returned and I gave out shares of loot but had to sit down as I was still not feeling myself.
Brit came to me and I discussed my concerns regarding having sons. He made me smile! He said he wants 10 sons as well as 10 daughters. I nearly asked him if his planning on taking a second wife! He is happy to leave it to the Gods. I can’t help but wonder if he realises that had I been with child already I would have lost it when I fell.
I told him I felt quite a lot better and he could leave to do other things if he wished. He recited his wedding vows to me reminding me he will be there in sickness and I health. I confessed I could not remember exactly what I had said when we wed so he asked what I’d say if we did it again and when I told him he informed me it was close enough!
We also discussed lovemaking. He was worried after a comment I made that I did not enjoy it! I made sure he knows I do but that it is not something I am used to talking about. He said we should go to bed and just enjoy being held by each other. I informed him I could make no promises as I ‘enjoy’ laying next to him. This pleased him. I lay in his arms feeling full recovered and eventually could stand it no more and for once initiated things myself rather than being carried along by the tide of his passion. I hope he enjoy things as much as I did!
-
I was walking into Hlint to meet Master Noss and Shar when I ran into Ranwein.
She told me she had been at Leilon Arms last night when the jukebox had been vandalised and the Queen arrived for a visit. Then there was an attack by bugs and a large stinking cloud. Something also happened slightly later which she wasn’t there for but did have to raise someone due to. She had to go then so I didn’t learn much more.
I meet up with Master Noss and Shar outside the merchants and we were chatting. Master Noss got very angry when I told him I had fallen in Grey Peaks and told him he could not shout at Brit for it. A small discussion ensued in which I got my point across nicely when Master Noss apologised and said something else had put him in a foul temper. Master Noss had tried to make Kai and offer on his house in Haven but the price was too steep. I offered to ask as Kai likes me and Master Noss started to lecture me about Kai until I pointed out I had made my feelings very clear to him and if he tried anything he would feel cold steel not soft flesh! We decided to nip the goblin caves and saw Elladan at the Smith so invited him along. We also introduced Shar and Elladan which went as well as could be expected!
We were about to head off when Master Noss overheard someone offering to sell me silk and while he was trading I saw Kai on the way to the Smithy so nipped in to have a word. To cut a very long conversation down to something more sensible. Kia is selling more than the house. He is selling his share in the business and stock etc. I explained I wasn’t interested in that but Kai kindly offered me a 15k finder’s fee if I manage to find him a buyer. We also had a conversation about respect and I’m not sure how much sunk in! Also one person said I was pretty and another said it was a pity I’m married.
I’m not used to this much interest and I’m not sure I like it. I am Brit’s and have no desire to ‘be with’ anyone else. To be honest I hardly realise when a man is handsome anymore! It’s just not important or anything I need to think about anymore and if I do realise they are handsome I’m usually wondering if Elhara might like them. By then it was too late to go to the caves really so Elladan headed to grove, Shar had already left and I wished to go home and see if Brit was curled up in bed. All this talk of me being pretty by others made me want to be in his arms! Master Noss was very kind about the fact I had spent too long talking and also put my mind at rest that Kai doesn’t always mean what he say’s.
I left Master Noss and walked home but not before I had promised to collect and grind him more greenstone!
-
Walked to Hlint today to find the elf (Mith) that followed Master Noss, Shar and I sitting on a bench. I started a conversation with him and asked him why he had followed. He said it’s a bad habit he has to see if people are going somewhere interesting which is probably why I lost him once he realised we were travelling to Castle Blackford.
He was impressed I had seen him at all so I confessed to having a talent for such things.
We had a very interesting conversation after that about Blood, group leadership, power, Avatars, promise, ghosts and finally love.
He was surprised I have married a human as it will cause me great pain. I had a very long conversation about the joy and happiness Brit gives me is worth the pain his death will bring.
We than talked about the strength of love and how I would still love Brit if he did evil things and how I could love him even if I didn’t like what he was doing. I did point out that I would try to help stop Brit doing evil if he suddenly looked like he was following that path. I was honest about the fact that if Brit did become evil for any reason, like what he had become and would not change while I would still love him and doubt I would love another until he died in case he changed I would not wish to be with him.
Mith seemed surprised by this and commented that he doubt she will find love in this life time. I told him I hoped he did.
Angela had joined us at some point as did Anoron and Angela thanked me for my view point on human elven relationship. It was obvious that Angela is the woman Anoron was telling me about.
Tedulus tried to talk us into a trip to the mines at some point during the long conversation and Acacea had fun with stink bombs and such. She also contributed some to the conversation until it turned to love. Love doesn’t seem to be Acacea’s thing!
Mith left to meditate, thanking me for the conversation and then Elhara arrived.
I was in a world of my own for a while think of Brit until Elahara gave me some minerals and we left Hlint. Elahara told me Sy and Kai had split up and that Kai tried to make a move on her. She seemed to think is was gross. I know Kia is no angel but not sure that was fair. I camped by the fire for a change.
-
Got bored of sitting around the camp fire so went back into Hlint. Saw Kai and gave him my commiserations. He was telling me the story when Master Noss came up and reminded me he has news of last nights meeting. I won't put down here what was discussed just in case but safe to say I need to talk to Brit about it.
Walked home to wait to Brit.
-
I was taking a slow walk into Hlint when a fiery bone dragon looking thing flew overhead. Then the Avatar was stood next to me. She told me I would soon have my task to do and it would be difficult. I told her that Brit wanted to know if he could help me and she told me that no it was his debt and my task alone. I told her he would not like it but would cope with it. She also told me she liked my red outfit and I should wear it more as it brings out my eyes. I noted this as it seemed a strange thing for her to say!
I travelled on to Hlint and was once again discussing Elven human relationships with Angela when Brit made a dramatic appearance in front of us. I ran over and ask him what was wrong and he lead me to the back of the bank by the pond ad started to explain how he was transported by the same or similar Avatar for a chat.
She had told him I am to be an assassin and he should train me as such. Ah well while it is not something I relish but at least I stand a chance of doing it. Then the Avatar arrived again and told me I am to be the ‘chosen’ of Dougal. That he has an interest in me and will come to claim me at some point. Brit seemed to know some of this already. I am to get as close as I can to Dougal and provide the Avatar with information. She left.
I had a long talk with Brit about what getting close to Dougal may mean and how he should go and find another who deserves him. He stood by me in so many ways and proved his love so much. I may end up giving Dougal my body but my heart and soul are Brit’s alone!
Elladan walked up and wondered what was happening so Brit started to explain. I realised why the Avatar had made the comment regarding the dress and changed into it. Elladan is so sweet. It is hard for a Paladin to be mixed up in all of this!
As stood with the man I call brother and my husband I felt a touch on my cheek and a tugging on my hand. Dougal had come.
Brit was so strong and Elladan brave as Dougal mocked them but he threw me over his shoulder and carried me away.
I do not know where he took me only that I failed and could not get out the words I need to. Rather than becoming his chosen he slay me.
I awoke to find Brit, Elladan and two others. The looked like Avatars of different Gods also.
Elladan was talking to them but I was in too much despair to take notice of what was said. Eventually we returned to Hlint but I could not stay and went to the bench by the waterfall to sit and think. Brit of course went with me. He tried to cheer me up but I put his through all of this and then failed! We went to the house but I could not settle so we returned to Hlint to find Elladan trying to explain things to Shuel and her man, Trysk and Ranwein, Angela, Elhara and a few others.
They asked questions, oh so many questions! Trysk apologised for not being at my side. I was nasty to Elladan who tried to make me see I have not failed.
I did not tell them all. Just that I failed and they can not help me with what I must do unless they can help me talk to Dougal. Trysk said Ozy may be able to help so that gives them something to do.
Brit left with Master Argos. I think it was too much talking and not enough action for my beloved.
Mith arrived at some point and made a few helpful suggestions. He’s main one is that a trip to the hill of the Gods might help. Kai had arrived by this point and knows the way so Mith asked if he would show me. Kai asked what was in it for him. Mith gave me papers to travel by ship and said if I went now he would come to keep Kai in line. To be honest I could hardly stand! I explained I need to rest and said my goodbyes. Angela said she wished to accompany me if I go and hugged me goodbye.
Elladan return home with me and insisted on sleep on the couch until my beloved returned when he quietly left for his own room.
Brit was so tired. I undressed him from his armour, bathed him, took him in my arms and made love to him. I needed to show him how much I love him for all he has done!
-
Ran into Angela in Hlint and she was very nice and good to talk to.
I also ran into Pendar and explained it all to him as I fear Brit will need good friends. I hope he still means what he said before Dougal took me but I fear that time to think will of the change what he feels. Only time will tell and I will love him no matter.
Pendar asked me if I knew Great Library and took me there to research Dougal and his lost love. I tried my best but left him there as it is more his thing.
I will wait and see how Brit feels.
-
God’s I am the luckiest woman alive!!! I spent the day with Brit, just with Brit. He packed a picnic and we just enjoyed each other for a whole day. We did not think of things to come or that had been but just enjoyed the moment. As I lay there at night in his arms listening to him sleep I felt so much hope.
We can survive it all, together! We have grown to love and trust each other so much that even Dougal can not part us in our hearts and souls!
He will give me the strength to do what I need and if I am lucky (and I often am lucky!) I will return to him and we will live our life together to a ripe old age!
-
Well today was an interesting day. I went adventuring with Pedar (among many) and discovered my body is infected with something which you can see in my blood and makes me scream with pain when healed. Not good.
I also spoke to Ozy. It was a long chat which Elladan was also present for. We can not kill Dougal otherwise Blood wins. We must redeem him. I think I know how I can do that but it will be both difficult and dangerous. Almost as difficult as trying to convince Brit not to try and kill him!
We think it may be my innocence and lust for life which draws Dougal to me although Ozy thinks the red dress does no harm!
Dougal is responsible for the poison in my veins and may even choose to inflict pain upon me whenever he wishes.
I am not going to seek Dougal out. I don’t believe it will serve any purpose but rather just hope he comes to me in time. God’s I can not believe I just said that! But what must be done is done for the good of all.
-
I sit here think upon the talk I had with Ozy and the talk I will have with Brit and wonder.
Is it really my innocence and passion for life which drew Brit to my side and draws Dougal now?
Will that innocence survive what needs to done or will I be changed for ever?
I know Ozy is right and I must be careful to make sure Dougal cares for the right thing or I will just do more damage! I think it’s the not knowing which is the worst thing.
Have I already failed? Will he come for me again and if so when? Will I be able to do what needs to be done? Will I still be the person Brit loves when I have done it?
Time is the only thing that will answer these questions and lets be honest I have plenty of that!
-
I met Brit and Pendar outside Haven Mine. Brit is so angry at the moment. Pendar left us to talk.
Gods I am so useless at this! I kept trying to explain things but I’m not sure I did a good job.
Brit has said he will not try and kill Dougal but will continue to train and improve in case the day comes when Dougal does need killing. That’s about the best I can hope for!
I think he understands what I must do and why. I tried to explain that I do not wish Dougal to care for me and I think I got through!
I think I managed to convince him how I love him and how much I need his love to do this. He has made it very plain that should I go with Dougal and return pregnant he wants nothing to do with the child. I have no intention of this happening but can not blame him for how he feels. Should that end up happening then I will hand the child to its Father at the moment of its birth and live with the consequences.
He wishes to speak to Elladan, Pendar and Ozy which makes sense for him I suppose.
We went to Hlint to collect some potions he has ordered and he made it plain he will not lay with me for fear of getting me with child. I was mean and assumed it was fear of raising another man’s child when in fact it was fear of not being able to protect me and our unborn child from Dougal. Again I can not blame him and when I thought upon it he is right. I have a choice but our unborn child would have none. I will do my best to discover if I am already with child as soon as possible although I don’t think I am. I do hope Rolf manages to find something to prevent the possibility soon as I am going to miss that aspect of our relationship greatly.
Brit went to lighten his pack in the Smithy and I followed and asked him if he would teach me to smelt. He was so happy that I had asked. It made me so happy to see the joy in his eyes. I think together we will get through this!
We walked home for dinner and I reminded him that the Avatar wishes me to train also and suggested we train together where possible. I also warned him about the pain when I am healed. He took it well. We had a nice meal and I rested although I would have rather been doing other things!
-
I had a long talk with Master Noss today. He really helped me put my thoughts in order. Master Noss did say he thinks Dougal wants me for his wife but I’m not sure I agree.
Brit apologised for shouting at me. I explained that I need to do this so I can help stop blood and then be an armour smith’s wife for a very long time! This made him very happy. We talked some more and then he really said a few strange things. He asked me if I would consider trying to get with child. His logic is that if I’m already with child when Dougal takes me then Dougal can’t get me with child. I don’t intend to sleep with Dougal!!!! I pointed out that if I die we would lose the baby and this did not seem to bother him that much as it would still mean Dougal wouldn’t be able to get me with child for a while anyway. I managed to stay calm and ask a few questions to see if that’s what he really meant before I started to shout. He hadn’t realised what he said and all is well. I have told him we will leave it up to the fates.
Elladan arrived and we went hunting. 2 black bears, 1 brown bear and three lions. Pelts for Shar and possible Master Argos. Meat for the family! Also picked Aloe. I showed the boys just how good at sneaking I am and both got to see the pain being healed causes me first hand.
Did some mining and returned to Hlint. Got Brit to show me how to smelt. I am surprisingly good at it! Think I might wish to learn more of this. Washed some mystery rock and was watching Brit craft arrow heads when Elhara cam over and asked me to follow here.
There is an encampment of guards outside Hlint. We went through their defences but didn’t seeanything so I asked Brit to take me home and show me how much he loves me. He was happy to do this.
All in all it was a good time. I’m glad I do not have to resist my desire to touch my own husband and that he has realised we need to live our lives as best we can. Dougal will either come or we will hear he has been defeated. Until then I plan to enjoy myself as much as possible.
-
Well it’s been a strange time. I was talking to Elhara and Pendar when he heard Ozy so I went to ask him a few more questions. He seems to think the poison is slowly turning me undead like him. He also licked my ear. That was strange and has left me with the burning desire to ask him what I taste like coupled with the slight fear of what he’ll say. He also made some tactless comment about getting frisky with Dougal just in time for Brit to hear the discussion which followed. I give up on this. I am at the end of my tether. I don’t want to lay with Dougal but nor will let millions be killed by Blood just for the sake of a lay my heart and soul aren’t involved in! Having said that it must be so hard for Brit to know that! Safe to say we did not have a good discussion.
I tried to find him later but couldn’t. I did run into Pendar who told me Brit had stood by and let Pendar get attacked when Pendar was trying to talk to Brit. Silly Pendar. While my husband is a man of simple pleasures he is not stupid and does not like to be manipulated although I know he will feel bad for Pendar’s pain.
I decided to return home and wait for Brit. I meditated and had a strange dream of a person with a flaming sword hacking at me especially my left arm. When I awoke I had what looked like an old scar of a cut which had be cauterised with a power flame on my left bicep. My life gets stranger ever day.
There was a knock on the door and when I opened it and stepped outside it was Brit. He asked if he could come in. I told him it was his home. We had a good talk. I hope it is the last on this issue as he made me so proud to be his wife and the woman he has chosen above all others. He is going to support me as best he can but he will not stand by while people discuss Dougal lying with me. He admits he is jealous for which I told him I could hardly blame him! We talked lots and it was good. He also said that if Dougal takes me he will not listen to anything Dougal tells him and wait to hear the truth from me. I must admit by this point my head was starting to spin but I suggested we went to Hlint to look for Ozy to talk about the scar.
When we got to Hlint Brit gave me some more money towards his debt which I banked he also got a good trade on some iron to make more armour. We were sat on the bench hoping Ozy would wonder by when I realised I was not feeling well. Brit the amazing man that he is spotted this and asked if I was alright. I told him I did not feel well so he scooped me into his arms and carried me all the way home and gently laid me on the bed. I pulled him in with me as I needed to feel his arms around me. I think we will get through this and when we do I will never make a promise to anyone without involving Brit first again!
Maybe I should get my love to teach me to make armour soon.
-
Headed off to do some crafting to try and tidy up slightly. Had a conversation with Shar as she is worried about Brit and me. I’m not sure I managed to put her mind at rest but I tried.
So there I am crafting and Thais came up and handed me a letter. I was nice; really nice I didn’t have a go at her or anything. I was as nice as I could be although I’m sure Elladan would have told me off. Upshot is that she has said she will help in anyway she can and I didn’t laugh! See I was nice! It's not really her fault but she was in danger of all my fustration at this exploding over her and she's young so I'm sure she'll learn.
So she leaves and I go back to crafting and a large guy and Kai walk up, not together but at the same time.
The large guy introduced himself as Rakan and asked me about shiny rocks. I did my best to explain that you can sell them to some people and he offered to sell them to me but I can’t really justify spending money on minerals so told him that and he decided to throw them away! Well can’t let good rocks got to waste! Will have to dig out a ring to give him next time I see him. He left to dig clay for Kai.
Kai noticed my new/old scar and commented he’d not seen it before. He asked if it was branding and then had to explain branding to me. Why on earth would anyone wish that done to them? He also showed me his tattoos on his chest. Think it was just an excuse to take his shirt off. He said he was worried about me too. Then he needed to help someone in the Goblin caves so I tagged along. Afterwards we went to the campfire.
We had a very good and strange talk. Must be my day for them or something!
I continued to discuss the scar with Kai. He does genuinely seem concerned about me. I told him that as long as he respects my marriage I am happy to be his friend. He told me that he would never do anything to interfere with my marriage and I thanked him for that. He did admit that he really likes me and when I said I didn’t understand what the attraction is he pointed out that it was probably better for our friendship and my blushes if he didn’t tell me. I had to admit that was fair. He did comment that it would be an adventurous night should be ever be together and when I commented that a night would be all it would be and that’s not my thing he replied that it wasn’t his thing either and a night would be the minimum he would ask for. I gently reminded him that I can’t give him that as I love Brit very much and he said he’d not realised he had spoken out loud and wasn’t asking so not to worry. He wishes to be my friend and has asked me to always be honest with him. I think I can manage that especially as although he does say the odd inappropriate thing he does seem to care and he is respecting my marriage to Brit. I couldn’t be his friend if he didn’t as Brit is going through enough with Dougal without Kai making it worse! Although I’m fairly certain my husband isn’t jealous of Kai and he certainly has no reason to be! I like Kai but as no more than a friend. I do find it strange he said these things to me as he’s getting married soon. I would not have married Brit if I didn’tlove him with all my heart so why would Kai marry someone he doesn’t love with all his heart and if he loves her with all is heart why say these things to me?
-
Decided to go to the Leilon Arms with Angela and Trysk. It was nice and I enjoyed myself, other than Ozy licking me.
My scar seems to be the work of Kea, the Avatar I owe the debt to. It seems she has drained the poison from me as a favour to Ozy. I gather there is more to it than that and I probably won’t like it! Ozy can be so infuriating but I’m sure I’m not the first to say it and won’t be the last! At least I know what the scar is about and the fact I’m not poisoned anymore! Brit will be happy to know that.
I eventually got bored. I think growing up in an inn tends to make me get bored of them more quickly, so I took a walk home to snuggle down and wait for Brit.
-
Went to Hlint. Was chatting to people when Pendar walked up. I gave him the possible good news on the poison front! Pendar was in a strange humour and wastelling me how he’d upset a druid earlier in the day.
A young man ran passed by very hurt. I offered to help and he said there was no need. He introduced himself as Gaia. He has no memory from the time before he met the dragon and was after some help. I called Pendar over as he’s best with questions and answers but before we had much chance to try and sort things Gaia had run off again.
Some of them headed for the crypts and Pendar head off after Gaia but not before he’d threatened in jest to put me over his knee and spank me, a strange humour for him indeed. I found myself left with the newly returned Jet who tried to tell me it was dangerous to be seen with him. Oh how I laughed! We swapped some of our tales of woe and he realised I am living in interesting times too. We separated and I went to buy a hood to go with my costume.
It took a while but I managed to get it to match the outfit Elhara made. I hope Brit is looking forward to the ball as much as I am!
-
I worry, I worry that I am doing something to cause this interest in me. I’m not sure what it might be but it must be something!
Brit fell in love with me and me with him and that is all good and well. He is the man I wish above all others and holds my heart in his hands. A kind word or smile from him makes me soar and a look or sour word can make me crash!
But then Dougal shows an interest in me and Kai tells me he really likes me but understands I am Brit’s and wishes to be my friend. Ozy accuses me of flirting with him and it seems like half the time I meet new people and they are male they find it a pity I am married.
I’m sure I didn’t flirt with Ozy although I can ask Elladan to be sure as he was there and I don’t think I flirt with people I met on the trail or in Hlint.
I try to be nice and polite to people but that is all. I do understand that sometimes what a woman wears can have an effect on men but this happens when I am wearing my leather armour. I don’t own a more practical outfit and hardly think it is exciting!
I have no idea what is going on. Certainly I don’t remember there being this much interest in me at my Fathers Inn. Maybe it has something to do with Blood’s impending invasion, maybe it’s making people more aware of the joy’s in life but even so I fail to understand why the interest in me!
I am a simple person very inexperienced in these things. Maybe I should seek council elsewhere but where?
I can ask Elladan as he is a man and may have an insight but I class him as a brother and he classes me as a sister so he might not understand it either.
I could ask Kai but he preferred not to tell me what he likes about me before for fear of jeopardising our friendship and making me uncomfortable so I would not wish to force his hand on this issue.
I don’t want to ask Brit because I don’t want to draw attention to this at the moment as I know he is finding the Dougal thing hard enough to deal with.
I don’t really have a female friend other than Elhara I really trust yet and I’m not sure she would know either. Maybe I could try asking Sy or Angela and they would help explain it to me.
I tried asking Ozy what Dougal sees in me and wasn’t quite sure what he meant. Maybe I should see if Elladan understood it better.
I certainly can’t ask Dougal as he will lie to get his advantage.
I can’t ask Master Noss as it makes him uncomfortable when I talk of these things with him.
I could ask Rolf if I can find him. He is a cleric and has been nice to me. Brit and Master Noss both respect him a great deal and he is trying to help me.
I will have to think on this more and hope I can understand it. I do find it strange that there wasn’t this interest before Brit. Maybethe joy of Brit’s love makes me shine and if this is the case then it will have to be something I get used to and learn how to handle as I never want to change his love for me!
-
Met Brit in Hlint today and decided to join Pendar, Kai, Jet and a few others in Haven mines. We did really well until the end when Brit and I fell.
When returning to our graves we met Sy and Aries. Sy was not feeling well and seemed to have had a strange experience and we discovered there where Minators in the mine. We got to our graves and came out. By this point we had a fair sized group including Elladan so we went to investigate. It was very hard and Elladan fell. We took him back to his grave but decided to leave investigating for another time and went home.
Brit was worried about making love to me. He seems to fear forcing me into something I don’t want. I hope I made it clear enough that I wanted him. I managed to bite his lip by accident! It was a good afternoon’s sport!
-
Went to Rilara to deliver a message for the postmaster. We were helping out a few people while we were then when Dougal appeared and put his hand to my stomach. I told him not to touch me and he informed me that “she will be mine”. It’s safe to say I had a bad feeling at this point. Elladan didn’t see him but heard me speak and Brit returned from scouting ahead just time to hear Elladan asking if it had been Dougal.
The Avatar who had show us Dougal’s lair before appeared and asked if she was too late. I resisted the urge to say many things and just replied yes. She grabbed hold of my left arm and Brit started to shake and then turned and walked away. I sent Elladan after him. She explained some more about the nature of the poison and why it is important Dougal does not realise I am no longer poisoned. She also confirmed I am pregnant with a girl.
Brit returned and Elladan gave us some space. I gave Brit the good news and we were talking when Elladan appeared and told me he had made an oath to his god to protect me and the child.
Brit started telling Elladan that if the baby is a boy we will name it after him and I was nasty and ran off.
Elladan came to talk to me and explained that he’s oath is about me and not Brit and he answers to me and a few other things but by this point my head was starting to hurt again!
I returned to make me piece with Brit, explain that I will not be treated like glass and agreed to travel home. Not much was said on the journey. Back other than we have decided to keep this development a secret other than telling Master Noss.
Brit was a little strange when we got home but I can hardly blame him! I held him in my arms and sang him to sleep and once I was sure he was asleep I went and explained aboutthe poison to Elladan. He told me that my child is destined for greatness but the powers at be do not know if it is for good or evil yet. If Dougal gets her it will be evil and devastating for everyone.
Nice to know that once again I am under no pressure! I just hope Brit can cope.
-
Went colecting Aloe and knuckles for Master Noss with Kai today. Aries aslo joined us for the knuckle hunting. It was a good way to clear my head!
Kai was slightly concenred when he healed me and I screamed but didn't seem to realise I was faking it!
We sat around in Hlint talking while I waited for Master Noss to arrive. Kai ask me to keep his behaviour a secret from his intended. I told him that I would not bring it up but if she asked me a direct question I would not lie either. He seemed ok with this and to be fair his behaviour has improved a great deal!
Master Noss and Pendar arrived. I asked Pendar for a quiet word and explained the need for Dougal to think I am still posioned. He said he will go along with subterfuge for which I was thankful.
I then had a quiet word with Master Noss and explained my 'condition'. He was very happy and concerened. I have suggested that he and Brit might make the crib together as a joint project to help distract Brit from everything. I also told him a little of what Elladan explained to me and how I worry Brit will react to being told his child is important to the great scheme of things. He was understanding as always.
I do worry about my beloved. I know he wish nothing more than to settle down and enjoy me and our child. I doubt life is going to be that easy!
-
Ended up having another long talk with Brit. It’s an interesting marriage at present! We are either fighting (each other or for our lives), talking or making love with the occasional eating, drinking and sleeping.
We had a long discussion about the Avatars. Brit has an idea about what they are up to and I can’t prove him wrong anymore than he can prove me wrong as we agreed to disagree and be cautious.
He also reminded me that we are not to lie to each other. I asked if omitting to tell him something for his own good is lying. We then discussed that. He is worried that the Avatars will take the child. I said as far as I knew only Dougal wished to but that I thought Brit had guessed that. He had so I pointed out did it really matter if I knew how Dougal wished to do this and didn’t tell him if he can’t do anything to stop it and I know it will only make him worry more. He had to admit I had a fair point.
I can’t tell him what Elladan told me about our child as I know he will decided the possible potential for great evil is down to him being the Father and the possible potential for great good is down to me being the Mother. I couldn’t handle that if he did! Selfish I know but I think I have enough on my plate at present and again he can’t change it at the moment so I will leave it until he can and he can shout if he wishes!
We also discussed telling people I am with child. He wishes to so I am thinking on the matter.
We retired to our room to make up for a while and then headed off to get supplies to make more arrows.
On the way I decided we should start to tell people.
We collected some hickory for arrows and Brit headed to the Craft House to work it while I headed to collect my ox. Mith was sat on a bench so I said hello. There were some other men talking near by and one of them asked me about Kai. It was a very strange conversation. He wanted to know how trustworthy Kai is. I told he I trusted Kai but he should decided for himself which is very similar to what the others had said! In light of my conversation with Mith regarding love I ask him if he wished to meet Brit. He agreed and we walked to the Craft Hall together.
Ever thought something was a good idea until you did it? That was how I felt as I introduced them! I was relieved I had spotted Ly’s young man and had the opportunity to see how Ly is. He told me she is fine but he hasn’t seen her for a few days. He will pass messages on to her for me. I returned to discover the atmosphere was little better and then we discussed gems. Mith gave me some expensive gems he claims to have no need for and I could hardly refuse! Brit left to sell some sawdust and Mith asked me if I can activate magic items and gave me one to try. I could! Brit returned and I showed him! Mith then gave me some magical gems for future use. He asked to speak to Brit alone and left after the discussion only stopping to say good bye to me. The discussion was about arrows or so Brit tells me.
We took a slow walk home and Brit gave me another magic gem like one of Mith’s that he’d found on a goblin. Then he carried me to bed!
I did find it ironic that having decided to tell people I am with child we didn’t see a single person I wished to tell!
-
Took a walk into Hlint and saw Pendar, Angela, Trysk and Lan in the Smithy. Kai then joined us. Lan had a mucky rock he didn’t want so he kindly gave it to me. Angela did not seem herself and left us to sit outside. I went to join her and I hope I helped. I suggested she walked with me to clean my rock and we ran into Thais on the way. She is a strange one that girl. I took my leave and went to wash my rock! It was Feldspar which I look forward to working.
I returned to the Smithy to find just Kai left. We had another chat. He is a terrible flirt but I think he does understand I am Brit’s and Brit’s alone. I told him he should not marry unless he knows he will never want another woman than his wife. He told me he can’t think about anything else when I am there. I reminded him I can only be his friend and he said that is all he wishes. I don’t believe him but as long as he respects I am married I can be his friend. I told him about the baby and he was happy for us. I took a walk to his house in Haven and he kindly gave me some iron weapons and suggested he takes Brit and me hunting sometime.
I was starting to feel slightly worn by now so made my excuses and left. It was a good time although sometimes he flirts a little too much for my tastes but it is just his way!
-
Went into Hlint to do some crafting. I am getting better each time I work with gems and the steady rhythm of working them helps take my mind off other things.
On my way out if Hlint I had a chat to Lan again. He seems nice and explained to me about Neushis companion animal. We also saw Jet but he was a little too busy to talk. Lan and I chated for a while longer and then I went to rest. I am finding I am eating, drinking and resting more since I discovered I am with child. I’m sure that must all be in my mind rather than what is needed for the baby!
-
I met Brit in Hlint today and while we were talking Ranewin and Pendar arrived. We told them our good news and they were both very happy for us. It was really nice to enjoy telling people. Trysk arrived and when he’d finished saying hello to Ranewin we told him also. He too was happy.
Pendar turned Ranewin and Trysk invisible as a joke and then did the same to Brit. Brit was a terror and kept fondling me until I pinched his ear and reminded him I am good at spotting things.
Pendar, Trysk, Brit and I decided to go and collect some copper. It was a good trip although Pendar healed me so as Trysk was with us I had to scream out in pain but Pendar did a good job of looking concerned.
When we came out of the mine Kai invited us to go hunting. I went to smelt copper ore with Brit first. Brit was so sweet helping Pendar and I to make sure we were doing it right. I think we both had good days on the smelting front.
I felt grimy and tired so decided rather than hunt I would have a bath and rest but told Trysk and Kai to make sure Brit didn’t get hurt. I hope he enjoyed himself as I think he needs to go out and let off some steam especially if some of his comments today are anything to go by! I have never blushed so much! Even during conversations with Kai. I know Brit is proud of getting me with child but I was surprised by some of the ways he chose to express it. Although to be fair there was no really harm do it was just more than I am used to. Also the sight of me hot and sweaty in the forge seemed to be one he liked. I suppose I should be thankful Pendar was with us or God’s knows what someone may have caught us at because it is very hard to refuse my husband when he puts his mind to persuading me!
-
Well today was an interesting day indeed! I brought a house! A home for Brit and me to raise our daughter in. I did have a little help though. Master Noss had called into the estate agents to check for houses as he often does to find a house in Fort Llast was for sale. He quickly sent me a bird and I went to meet him. He offered to lend us the money so we could have a good start! I told him if he did that then I was going to take it off the 100k he insisted Brit pay me. He agreed and gave me 55k which is slightly more than the house was but means I can buy furniture.
I love the house! It has space for a common room, kitchen Master bed room, bathing room, nursery and store room/study. There is also a room for Elladan who I know will insist on moving with us.
Master Noss and I looked round and then I arranged for the movers to sort out furniture from our old room but they managed to send it to the wrong place so now we’ve got to wait for them to sort it out!
Master Noss sent a bird for Brit to meet me outside the house and went to collect the things he had taken out of our chests before the movers arrived and lost them.
I popped to pick up a bit more furniture before Brit arrived and got back to see him reading my name on the door. He seemed really surprised but very happy. I showed him round and he insisted I kiss him in every room! I had the oven installed and we put some chests in the storage/study area. We are both so happy!!
Brit left to see if he could find someone who is making some potions for him and Master Noss returned with our belongings. Which included an ingot of silver I’d never seen before.
Master Noss seemed sad that we were leaving the house in Blackford even though he understands we need more space with the baby on the way. We had a good talk about visiting and the such. I then cheered him up by taking him to the bank and giving him 5k towards the debt. He said that Brit has a lot of armour at Blackford and he is willing to take it in trade towards the debt. I told him I could not accept that without talking to Brit first. Master Noss said that Brit is very lucky to have me as I’m a lady but I’m just me! Master Noss seems to think that is enough! Master Noss left and I headed into Hlint to go to the furniture shop!
I ran into Kai and Ranewin so told them my good news! They were very happy for me. I also met two elves and Kai’s intended. She seems nice enough. One of the elves seemed sad I grew up in an inn but I don’t understand why!
A big group decided to go to Dregar. Brit and I thought about tagging along but bythe time we got to Fort Hope I was feeling tired from the days excitement and we both realised we were out of food and should really hunt!
Hunt we did. It was wonderful to be hunting food to cook in our oven and for our larder! I asked Brit where the silver came from and he told me Kai had given it him because I’d asked for it. I did comment that I’d offered to trade for silver with Kai and Brit apologised for not doing so. I told him it was ok as he didn’t know and if Kai hadn’t asked for anything it must be a gift!
We had a very good hunt and returned to our house. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that!! Thanks to the movers we have no bed so we made a makeshift bed in Elladan’s room. We cooked and then we christened Elladan’s room properly which may be a bit mean but it’s our house! Anyway we aren’t going to charge him rent as I wouldn’t feel it was right although he can sort out his own furniture!!!
It was nice to fall asleep in my beloved arms in our house!
-
I ran into Mith today shopping in Hlint so I offered to show him the house. He seemed to like it. We did end up having a very strange conversation abut friends and why they do things for each other. Mith was trying to convince me he is evil and dark while I tried to convince him he isn’t and we all have our moments of darkness. I could swear a couple of times he tried to tell me he like me as more of a friend but I’m so bad at reading people that way I can’t be sure. It was a very long and strange conversation.
Mith was answering the Queens call to deal with the Minators in Seilwood Ruins so I went along with him as I’d arranged to meet Brit there.
We went along and Brit arrived. We listened to the Count explaining what was happening and then left with the party. When we reached Fort Llast Brit realised he had an important errand to do but suggested I go to see where the entrance was at least in case we couldhelp later.
We kept getting attacked on the way and I was very little help at all and then we reached the entrance we were ambushed by a group of minators. Once caught me a glancing blow as he passed and nearly killed me. If it hadn’t have been for Rolf’s healing I may have died. I decided at that point that I was just a liability and also that it was too great a risk to the baby. I excused myself and carefully returned home.
I finished the decorating I had left to do and snuggled downon the couch to await my husbands return.
// OCC We were only heading towards this epic dungeon as it was a DM organised quest. Leanthar has declared it off limits in the following post
http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=18934&posts=1
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Was sorting out Elladan’s key to the house when Brit arrived home. I finshed up and Elladan left to pack his ox while I discovered Brit was distant and not quite himself. We had some time to kill before the Masked Ball and I suggested we spent part of it engaged in a good ‘roll in the hay’ so to speak and he said he wasn’t in the mood. This was slight cause for concern but it does happen. He also didn’t seem to care what we did to kill time so I suggested we took a walk into Hlint and wash a mystery mineral I have. He agreed.
We were just leaving Fort Llast when we ran into two Dwarves one of whom at least knew Brit and asked how he was. Brit was very un-talkative even for Brit. He also failed to introduce me as his wife. Something he normally really enjoys doing! I was explaining about the Masked Ball to the Dwarves when Quinn arrived and we continued to discuss it as he is one of the owners of the Arms. Obviously Brit got bored because he walked off. In fact he walked off so fast I only just managed to catch up with him before he reached Hlint. By this point I was starting to worry!
We were stood by the bank as Brit was chatting to someone when Angela arrived and asked me if I wished to go to Haven Mines with her as they were having a girl’s only mining trip. Now I felt so torn! I so rarely getting invited on these things but it was obvious that Brit was not happy. I did the only thing I could think of as fair and asked him if he wished me to go. He said I was to go and enjoy myself with my friends. I asked him if he was sure and he said he was so I took him at his word! He said he would sit on a bench in Hlint and wait. Ranewin had also arrived outside the bank and been asked to go along
I headed of to Haven with Angela and Ranewin and we picked up Thais and Sy on the way. It was a good trip! We had fun and I got someamethyst to work with later.
I went back to Hlint and Brit wasn’t there. I could only hope I’d see him at the Arm’s later. Lan and Gaia were there though and Elladan arrived shortly followed by Mith. I asked Mith if he was going to the Ball and he said he was busy but did have some more magic rocks for me. He then took his leave!
I asked the others if they were going to the Ball and offered to show them the way. Then Angela,Ranewin, Trysk and a few others came past going to the Arm’s so I suggested we head off with them. Somewhere before Hlint and Blackford Castle we lost Lan and Gaia. We waited and eventually set off again! We got to the Arm’s with no problems and I sneaked off to put my costume on. I was going to wait until Lan, Gaia and Elladan had gone in but they were taking ages so I dodged past!
I recognised Brit straight away! It was his own fault for wearing a costume which showed off so much of his body. I know every inch of that body so well! I went over and spoke to him but tried to give him no indication it was me. I walked over to the bar and ran into Lan on the way back who guessed who I was an complimented me! Brit offered to buy me a drink which was good as I’d forgotten to go to the bank and while he was at the bar Gaia displayed an interest in me which I hope I managed to dissuade without giving away the fact I’m married. Brit returned and chatted. He mainly chatted about how wonderful his wife was which was nice to hear. I’m sure he knew who I was but wasn’t going to ask! Pendar arrived being a ‘ghost’ which was fine until his invisibility wore off!! Eventually I became tired and Brit decided he needed some fresh air and I took this as a good chance to leave. I made my excuses and followed him outside. He was stood out there without his mask making him even more handsome! I revelled who I was and suggested we walk home. We got to the gate of Leilon to find Elladan waiting for us in case an escort was needed. For some reason this did not please Brit but I didn’t comment.
We arrived home and Brit didn’t even say good night to Elladan. I said goodnight and then went to join Brit in the lounge as we’ve still not got our bed sorted out yet. He was sat at the table and asked me if I’d enjoyed the Ball. I knew he hadn’t from the very little he’d said on the walk home. I told him I had and he did seem happy to know that at least. He suggested that I sleep on a couch and he take the floor. I pointed out we could put the cushions on the floor and have a makeshift bed. He commented it was worth a try. I suggested we sorted out the cushions andthen he could ‘help’ me out of my costume. He said he would rather just rest. I could see the stress on his face and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I suppose it was just a matter of time before all the stress of the past few weeks caught up with him. I told him not to worry and asked if he’d like me to sing him to sleep as that always calm’s him and he at least let me do that for him.
As I lay there holding him after he fell asleep I did wonder if I am being selfish? I mean he has given the impression that he is coping with everything and carried on as normal in almost every way so is it unfair of me to expect him to continue doing so? Should I have stayed with him rather than going to Haven? Should I have suggested we didn’t go to the Ball? While I enjoy our ‘intimate’ time together it is not my only interest in him by far so I can live with out it for as long as he needs. I don’t know what to do for him unless he tells me. I can only hope he will tell me in time.
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I was doing a few things around the house having got hold of the movers to discover they have our furniture and we just need to arrange a time for them to drop it off when Brit returned home from a walk. I gave him the good news and he asked me to try his costume from the Masked Ball on. He seemed to like how it looks but told me I was welcome to make something else with it to. Although he did have a smile he didn’t seem quite his usual self. Maybe it is just the pressure of Dougal and the sudden news of the baby that is causing him stress. It is a lot to take on board after all!
We walked into Hlint to go to the Craft Hall and ran into a few people. Brit really didn’t want to talk to anyone. We got the Craft Halland I set to doing what I needed too. Brit seemed to think one of the other crafters was avoiding him so decided to wait outside. When I had finished I went out to find him talking to Master Argos who suggested a trip to Haven. I thought we could take Elladan and Elhara and collect the head they need but Brit wasn’t sure we could do itwithout a healer. Then he realised he needed to rest so suggested I go with Argos if I wish. I didn’t wish so stayed in Hlint chatting. Elladan ended up carrying Ranewin to the inn and tucking her in as she was so tired. Angela has decided to change her name to Aikanaro . I told her if this makes her happy it can only be a good thing and I hope I can still call here friend. She said I could. I will keep an eye on her just to be sure she is ok! Kai arrived being his usual self and decided to go on a hunt so a group of us including Elladan and Elhara went off with him. We didn’t get very far as Elladan managed to get stuck behind a wall but it was fun! After a while I need to return home and rest so left the rest of them to it!
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Was at home thinking of contacting the movers when Kai knocked on the door and invited me to hunt with him, Pendar and a few others. I jumped at the chance. Originally we were going to head for the Dragon Isle but ended up in the Berhagen Mountains where we fought those gem golems and giants.
Keaira’tynen appeared and told me my debt is paid as Dougal has been vanquished! One of our travelling companions said he wasn’t sure it was a good thing but it is done now!
Our baby is safe!!! We can relax and just concentrate on being parents!
Kai seemed to be confused by it all but if necessary I’ll explain all to him in small words at some point! Not that i think he'll care nor should he to be fair.
Got back to Fort Velensk and the partystarted to split up. Kai, Pendar and I headed for Fort Hope and the rest went their own ways.
I am so happy and I’m sure Brit will be when I tell him!
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Aikanaro invited me to the Dire caves but as I’d already agreed to meet Kai I gently refused. Of course it turns out Kai was going as well and neither Akianaro or I realised this! Ranwein, her love, Daren and Jill from earlier, Abi and a few others went also. They are a good group to adventure with and I enjoyed myself greatly!
It was an interesting trip I have never been to the Dragon Isles before nor have I been into such interesting places. Well until I fell and was raised, then fell again and found myself back in Hlint. I tried to head for the docks but nearly died again when Griffins attacked me so decided to wait in Port Hampshire until I felt better recovered.
I was sat watching the water in the fountain in a world of my own when Kai and another man walked up. Kai need to sort out a weapon for the man and asked me if fancied the walk. I couldn’t see why not. We returned to Kai’s house and I waited downstairs while he completed the business he needed to.
While he was upstairs I decided I needed to talk to Kai as he has been making a lot of comments recently about wanting me and I thought we had sorted this out and agreed to be friends and nothing more. He told me he could cope with that but I’m having my doubts and don’t need this pressure from a friend!
When the other gentleman had left I came right out with it and asked Kai why he wants me. He gave me his reasons and I suppose as reason’s go for wanting a woman they are good. I then tried to explain that he only wants me because he can’t have but his is adamant that he wants me and would touch no other if he had me. I told him I am Brit’s over and over again but as far as Kai is concerned Brit is not the man for me Kai is. I kept trying to explain that while Brit is different to Kai and does things in different ways this does not mean he doesn’t make me happy. I tried to explain how Brit does make me happy but all Kai could say is that he would make me happier. I did get Kai to admit that it was when I asked him to be just my friend he realised he couldn’t be only my friend and I tried to explain this is what I’d been talking about earlier. People always want what they can’t have and never want it when they’ve got it! He just kept telling me over and over how we’d be so good together. I tried to point out that he is engaged but I got the impression that’s not going anywhere anyway so that didn’t help!
He claimed I get aroused every time I touch him and that’s why I hardly ever touch him. I don’t get aroused every time I touch him but I do fear to touch him and by that I mean hugs and kisses on the cheek as I would to say Pendar for fear of what he’d try to turn it into! I suppose I do occasionally get aroused by him but at the end of the day he is a good looking man but the point is I don’t do or say anything about it because it’s Brit I love!
He tried to say it is my inexperience which makes me happy with Brit and if I knew more of the world I wouldn’t be happy with Brit. Why can’t he see I like the simple life?
He just kept talking and talking about how we should be together and how he doesn’t lie and how yes he would flirt because it is his way but he wouldn’t touch another. I tried to explain how jealous I get and all he could say is that I’d learn to get used to it because I’d know it was just talk.
I explained I am with child and that has a lot of responsibilities but he couldn’t take it seriously or understand what that meant which is part of what I’ve been try to say to him! He likes the idea of me but I’m not so sure he’d like the reality.
Eventually I asked him if he wished me to break my word and dishonour myself by leaving Brit for him. It was the only thing I could think of to say by then! He had tied my mind in knots! He told me he can wait for Brit to go to the Soul Mother if he has to and tried to get me to promise that if Brit died I would be his. I refused of course! I am with my husband because I love him not out of duty but Kai seems to be able to understand duty better than my love so it is what I used.
He asked me to test him so he could prove that he would keep his word but I would not. Not in the way he wished anyway.
I asked him not to push and he informed me he hadn’t even begun to push. I pleaded with him not to. In fact I made him promise to not push and just be my friend. I also told him I expect him to keep his promise! He said he would and asked me to promise to love him and accept him the way he is. I told him I do love him and accept him already as a friend so I can do that. He told me he would expect me to keep that promise also. I have a horrible fear I may regret that promise more than my one to the Avatar!
I do not know what to think at the moment. My head hurts. I love Brit; it’s why I married him after all. I am carrying his child and that makes me so happy, scared as well but mainly happy. Brit is loving and caring, strong and dependable, a good man. He makes me laugh and I feel cherished and so loved. I also desire him greatly.
I enjoy having Kai as a friend. He is a very different kind of man to Brit but that does not make him better!
All I can hope for is some new beauty to come along and take Kai’s eye away from me so we can return to being friends again!
-
Ran into Brit on my way back home. I gave him the good news although he didn’t seem that pleased! We had a talk and he said he was just grumpy from sleeping on the couch. We walked home together and make love in the pool before curling up in each others arms.
My head hurts still regarding Kai but at least I know how my husband feels about me!
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Managed to organise with the movers to get the furniture delivered so spent the afternoon with Brit organising it which of course meant we ended up testing the bed out just to make sure it was ok after the move!
Brit went out and we agreed to meet up later. I sorted the house out a bit more and went into Hlint. I ran into Sy in the craft hall and gave her the good news about Dougal and the debt. She told me about the new woman in her life and seems really happy! I hope all goes well for her.
Brit came over while we were talking with some arrow making supplies for me and Sy had to leave. I spent a happy few hours with my husband making arrows and collecting things to make arrows.
He did give me nearly a full box of magic gems which Mith had given him to pass on and did admit that me getting presents off other men makes him slightly jealous. I can understand that so I won’t mention getting gifts unless he say asks me where I got something from although to be fair I don’t get that many gifts anyway.
Brit reminded me it has been four months since I discovered I am pregnant and asked if I have any idea of how much elven blood the baby has. I honestly don’t know what is happening with the baby other than I am eating like a horse!
I haven’t seen Kai since our talk and the break is doing me good. Also with Brit back to his normal self it makes it easier to remember what it is I love about him. I ache to tell him what Kai said but I know it would just cause too many problems. He might try and attack Kai or he might try to demand I don’t see Kai and as I firmly believe that Kai just needs time to fall in lust with the next pretty girl it would help no one. I don’t know why Kai ties my head in knots. I think I might talk to Elladan about it as I need to talk to someone or I’m just going to explode!
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I went to the Aeridin Temple in Rangers Vale to see if I could find Elladan to talk and thankfully I did!
I explained that Kai claims to have feelings for me and aims to have me as his. This took a long while in a conversation peppered with many questions. Elladan was very helpful though. He made me realise that I have to put myself first in this and not lie to myself. That I need to work out what I feel for whom.
I know I love Brit and I care for Kai. I also know that there is a big difference between the two. I’m not even sure there is a choice to make. That’s part of the problem. I don’t know how I truly feel about Kai and in a sense I’m frightened to find out. I will work out my feelings and my confusion but it was good to talk it over with Elladan!
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I found a note on the bed from Brit it said the following:
these times are troubled and these times are good
and they're always gonna be, they rise and they fall
we take 'em all the way that we should
together you and me forsaking them all
deep in the night and by the light of day
it always looks the same, true love always does
and here by your side, or a million miles away
nothin's ever gonna change the way that I feel,
the way it is, is the way that it was
when I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
be faithful and true, devoted to you
that's what I had in mind when I said I do
well this world keeps changin', and the world stays the same
for all who came before, and it goes hand and hand
only you and I can undo all that we became
that makes us so much more, than a woman and a man
and after everything that comes and goes around
has only passed us by, here alone in our dreams
I know there's a lonely heart in every lost and found
but forever you and I will be the ones
who found out what forever means
when I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
be faithful and true, devoted to you
that's what I had in mind when I said I do
truer than true, you know that I'll always be there for you
that's what I had in mind, that's what I had in mind,
When I said I do
I can't decided if he suspects my confusion over Kai or just wanted to tell me how he feels. Sometimes neither of us is good with words so it was nice to get the note. I may ask him why when next I see him or I might leave it. I don't know. yet.
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I ran into Abi, Ranewin and Angela at Fort Velensk. It was nice to catch up and chat with them even though I am still distracted by this Kai thing. Angela said if I ever wish to talk to her I am most welcome. I thanked here but explained I didn’t want to talk about it a lot. She was nice and understood. Geir arrived a short while later and I remembered he was the jeweller Rolf had mentioned.
We decided to go somewhere but were having trouble working out where to go and suddenly Angela made a comment about somewhere being dull and safe. I had a sudden fear! I made my excuses and left.
I left my home as barely an adult in my people's terms and was brought to Hlint by a dragon to help fight Blood. I met Elladan who reminded of me of my brother, I met Brit, Master Noss and a few others. Brit was the first man in Hlint to show an interest in me for more than my looks and within weeks I had married him. What if I did it because he is dull and safe? Not that he isn’t also kind,loving, and considerate but when all is said and done he is also dull and safe. What if Kai is right? What if it is my ‘lack of experience’ that lead me to marry Brit? What if all the change in my life made me look for something stable in the chaos?
Oh God’s I am so very confused! I really don’t know how I feel at the moment. I know I do have feelings for Brit and I do enjoy him but why and what are they? I’d like to blame Kai for making me think this way but if I’m honest the whole Dougal thing made me worry. Elladan is right. I need to work out what I feel for whom and be honest with myself.
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I ran into Master Noss in the Red Goblin Caves. Ironically enough he was collecting greenstone which is what I had been planning on doing.
We began chatting quite nicely until I commented Mith had given me a gift. Master Noss informed me that Mith was evil. I told him that I knew Mith wasn’t always nice but that I believed a good friend who want nothing off him might help tip the balance within him. Master Noss didn’t seem to agree. It was very strange. I asked him what he would have thought of me if I laid with Dougal and he asked if he was my judge now. I pointed out he was willing to judge Mith. I really couldn’t see why we were arguing and told him I was confused and he comment that he thought so as I hadn’t sounded like myself in the caves. This confused me more.
How could I not sound like myself? Maybe this Dougal thing has changed me but not that much surely? I am entitled to make my own opinions about people and my own friends! Also I don’t see why my opinion should have to match others because they wish it so or think they know better!
I went with Master Noss to the Craft Hall having first stopping to say hello to Ranwein and Lan on the way. When I arrived at the Craft Hall shortly after Master Noss he said I could have stayed to chat to my friends and I pointed out he is my friend also. He commented that he thinks he is. By this point my head was starting to hurt again!
To cut a very long argument short. Argos had seen me recovering from having fallen in the Dragon isles and Master Noss was not happy about my adventuring. He seems to think I should not be adventuring unless I am certain there is no chance of failure. He seemed to think I had been lead into danger on purpose as an unexpected creature appeared. We had done everything we could as a group towork together and support and protect each other but no that wasn’t good enough for Master Noss. I should have noventured out of the door in case I got hurt!
Gods I am not a child and will not be treated as such! He may have decided he does not want to venture places but I have not. For heavens sake I have been living under the threat of Dougal for months now. He could have taken me from my home if he wished and none could have stopped him! But obviously that’s different because it wasn’t my choice! Well I like adventuring, hell I enjoy it. It’s not even like I’ve done that much of it in the time that Master Noss has know me but it is obviously too much for him! Its things like this that make me wonder if Kai is right!
I understand what Master Noss is trying to say but I’m not willing to sit and idle my life away completely doing nothing that may risk me! Also I’m not going to give up on someone I consider a friend just because someone else has a problem with them!
No doubt once Master Argos tells Brit there will be another lecture to follow. No doubt reminding me of my responsibilities to him and the baby once again as if I’d forget them.
-
Thinking on things I suppose I must have changed. But then it is hardly surprising that I have.
Dougal’s interest and what may have need to be done to stop him made he think about lots of things I never would have otherwise. It also made me realise how strong I actually am and if I’m honest it made me question Brit also.
I don’t mean because of his desire fro me not to lay with Dougal, no wife can blame her husband for that but more for his inability to understand why I need to help if I could. The fact that he could not see that the greater good was at stake and that sometime sacrifices need to be made regardless of what they are. How he distrusted everyone and assumed that because they asked things he did not like then it was wrong. He is a simple man and the Dougal thing pushed him greatly. It makes me wonderif he will cope with the fact that it is not over completely. That our child can be a force for evil or good and which ever one it chooses it may change the world. Well at least he should have no trouble believing that as a messenger of Elladan’s god told Elladan that and he has no reason to lie.
Will this be a burden that I carry without Brit I wonder or do I risk telling him to have him bemoan how terrible it is and why can’t the God’s just leave us alone as if I didn’t feel that way also. To have him complain that we are simple people who should be left alone.
You know most of all this Dougal thing has made me wonder if I am a simple person. Would a simple person have been willing to risk everything to help? Luckily I didn’t have to but I would have done. I’d have risked my mind, body and soul on a chance to save all those lives.
Oh god’s I am so confused, I really am. Maybe more time will clear things in my head.
-
I was still not in a good mood from talking to Master Noss when I ran into Brit in the Craft Hall. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said I was to choose. I can never decide if that is sweet or just unimaginative. I suggested we hunt deer so we headed out towards the Lake to discover there were no deer today. Brit suggested the Forest but I wanted to show him the new outfit I made which he liked.
I suggested we take a walk into Hlint and see if anyone was going somewhere we might want to go too. Brit agreed for once. I wore my new outfit in Hlint and Ranewin complimented me, she can be so sweet. Pyyran also complimented me too. Chatting to Ranewin and Pyyran it seemed Jilland Daren were going to the Dragon Isles again and Pyyran was going down Haven Mines. Once again Brit said the choice was mine. I decided on Haven Mines as I’d like some gems. By this point a gentleman arrived to give Brit some potions so I went to talk to Ranewin whileBrit traded. Angela arrived shortlyfollowed by Annun then Sy.
I was really enjoying laughing and talking to my friends but all Brit did was stand there and say nothing, nothing at all well apart from when I introduced Annun and asked if Pendar was a Cleric. I almost felt guilty for wishing to speak to my friends as it seem to exclude him. Annun was really sweet and gave me a wand of neutralise poison as she is worried about its effects upon the baby. I also traded her some dusts for some gems. I suggested we eat dinner in the inn with her and Brit did agree but I wasn’t sure he was completely happy. He decided to go to the well so I walked with him and asked why he had been so quiet. He said that all the different people talking confused him so he kept quiet. Surly he has not always been like this or do I just remember the witty conversations where there are 3-4 of us?
Elhara joined us at the well and I gave her the good news about Dougal and the baby. We started talking about the Masked Ball and the whip lady. Brit reacted very badly and commented that it was obviously time to tease him. By this point my mood was much worse. I suggested we ate at the campfire and asked Elhara to join us which she did. I was mean over and over again to Brit and it didn’t get much better when Lan arrived a short while later. I’m not sure if I actually had a reason to be or if I was just trying to find one but he did make comments about me having gone to the Dragon Isles and my ‘male friends’. On a day when Master Noss had spoken to me about my ‘adventuring’ these comments which could have been innocent caused an interesting reaction.
I explained that may be the baby and finally knowing Dougal was dead was affect my mood. I then hadt o explain about Dougal to Lan. Funnily enough Daren and Jill arrived to camp around then and I introduced Brit and Daren explaining to Brit that Daren knew who had killed Dougal.
Brit was sweet enough to ask if there was anything that could be done to help with the baby to make me feel better. I decide to return home and rest. Brit went with me. He suggested a swim in the pool but understood when I was not in the mood. We climbed into bed and snuggled down.
I really was mean to him and have no idea if I had the right. It is starting to annoy me that he just stands and doesn’t even try to talk to people. I’m sure I don’t remember him always being like that but I could be wrong. I doubt he meant the comments the way I took them but then he has made similar comments in the same way and meant them before.
On the way home he was concerned about a joke I made withAngela about people bossing me about. He was afraid people would think he was bossing me about. I explained that they would not because while he didn’t see the joke ever one else would have done as Angela and I joke often. Not that he knows this!
I also discovered Elhara can make furniture so Brit asked her is she can make a crib for the baby as he admitted his wood working skills are not up to it. She agreed bless her.
I still need to try and work out where my head is and what I want. Thankfully I haven’t seen Kai in a few days so I don’t have him to confuse me!
-
Rolf is back to normal! I bet he is so happy. I ran into Elladan and suggest we head out to Fort Velensk as I suspected Angela might be there. Elladan complained we ran the way there, bless him.
We did run into Angela, Abi and Nex. Nex had to go to Hlint but would come back so we were going to go and mine Topaz but first I asked to speak to Angela. I took her to one side and explained how Kai was pursuing me and how I was confused. She was very helpful and we talked for quite a while. She reminded me that Kai will say anything to get a woman into bed which I know but it is good to hear from someone else. She did also point out a few things about being in love and told me I need to think long and hard about being with Brit regardless of how Kai is involved. She is right. If Kai can confuse me like this when I don’t even know what my feelings are for him then I need to look at my marriage anyway. I admitted to her that I had nearly left over the Dougal thing but I doubted Brit was aware. I just kept getting sick of the arguments but they stopped before I made my finally decision. I can’t work out my feelings for Kai until I know I can trust what he’s saying to me and only he can prove that to me. I decided I need to think on what Angela had said so feigned tiredness and suggest Elladan and the ladies went out without me while I sat but the lake. Angela promised to keep Elladan safe and they set off.
-
Was in Hlint and ran into Abi, Barion and Ranewin. We had a really good time chatting. Abi and Ranewin got to feel the baby move and Pendar arrived for us to tease. I’ve asked Ranewin, Abi and Angela through Abi if they would be with me when I givebirth. They agreed which I’m pleased about. Sy, Annun and Thais came past so I asked Sy and Annun to be there also. I think i may have offened Thais but it was not my intent. Ranewin had to go as did Pendar and Elladan arrived. I think he likes Abi. I took the opportunity to sneak Abi off and talk to her about Kai. She has known him along time and while she agrees he has never been faithful to one woman she thinks he does truly wish to settle down in his heart of hearts. I told her he had said that I am that woman for him to do that with. Abi has kindly said she will try and find out if he is telling the truth. I’m not sure it will make my life any easier but it will be good to know. Angela arrived to tell us Blood’s forces had been sighted off the coast.
Suddenly a call went across the land to defend Fort Velensk so off we dashed! It was a hard battle and I did fall once but we managed to turn his forces back for another day! I left the others to think quietly. The battle had made me realise I need to be happy and I need to work out what will make me happy. Life is too short even for me to not do mybest to be happy.
-
Decided to go to Hlint for some company and ran into Angela and Abi again as well as a few others. Abi needed to go and get spider silk so I offered to join Angela and her. Angelo also decided to go. Well it’s safe to say I really don’t like Angelo! Apart from that Abi ran into the spiders and nearly fell. This made Angela very unhappy. We got into the Goblin Wastelands and Ranewin ran past saying she was on a rescue mission. Angela and Angelo ran off with her and Abi stayed with me. We went to the house and I showed her round to discover that Brit has had the fireplace installed. God’s that made me realise how hard this is going to be!
We sat in the lounge and Abi explained how she seems to be getting worse at hiding in shadows rather than better and how difficult it is as she used to be able to do things like fetch spider silk on her own. She also seemed to think she was making a mess of things with Angela. I told her she wasn’t and did my best to listen and help. She did seem to feel better.
She asked me if I wanted to be warned before she spoke to Kai. I didn’t understand why until she pointed out that it would make things very certain if he does mean what he says. She thinks that I need to decide about Brit first. She is right of course and I already know that. It’s what I am trying to do. She spent hours trying to get me to admit my feelings. I know what they are, she knows what they are but I will not allow myself to think about it.
While I am starting to think I may have confused security, stability and lust with love that does not mean we couldn’t be happy. It all happened so fast and so much has happened since.
I suppose it all depends on Kai now and he doesn’t even know it! I just hope Abi has chance to speak to Kai soon.
We returned to Hlint to try and find Angela so Abi could speak to her and when we did find her she rebuked Abi and Abi ran off. I tried to talk to Angela but she stormed off. I ran out of Hlint and blocked her way. I told her to pull herself together and work at her relationship. That she had told me how important it is to be happy and true to yourself but that things need to be worked at. Ranewin arrived with Abi at that point and they started to talk so we quietly left. Ranewin had to run so errands so I sat with Barion. Azaria, Kai’s intended arrived and apologised to me for having to dash off during and earlier conversation with Kai. Then she started to say she wasn’t sure Kai loves in the way he claims. God’s I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was at that moment! Luckily Mith arrived and said hello.
I had a lovely long talk to Mith during which Angela came and thanked me for my help before taking Abi home. I asked Mith he wanted to feel the baby move and he was worried he could hurt it in someway, he is so silly sometimes! I mentioned I was craving pies and a short while later he made one appear as if by magic! Acecea had been around though and I know she makes pies so there might be a connection! Mith seemed strangely angry to discover that Dougal had tried to poison the baby but happy that the threat had passed! I felt the baby move and quickly grab his hand. He seemed really surprised to feel her move. He suggested we sit in the inn as by this point we were becoming surrounded by oxes. We continued to chat a little more before I started to get tired. Mith offered to arrange a room I the inn for me to rest and I pointed out I only live in Fort Llast. He said Blood himself had attacked people in the goblin wastelands every so recently and that he wished to escort me to my door. I assured him he is always welcome to look after my safety if he wishes. We walked back to the house and he gave me a wand and some more magic stones before we bid each other good night and I fell into my bed.
-
I was talking Elladan in his room when I felt a pain. I knew straight way it was the baby. I was in labour! I told Elladan we had to get to the temple in Hlint NOW! He didn’t question me so we left the house and head off. Elladan started to apologise for how slowly he was walking. He’d fallen recently and didn’t feel himself. I explained I was in labour so hardly running myself. He didn’t panic. I’m proud of him for that! He did offer to carry me but I refused. When we reached the Goblin Wastelands Elladan saw Justin that Paladin of Toran and sent him in search of a cleric. While I was staggering along the road Annun arrived and helped me. Suddenly I was at the temple in Hlint. Ranewin, Ozy,Annun, Elladan, Mith,Sy and many others, including Avatars. I did not understand the Avatars presence and tried to explain it was too soon. I was told it wasn’t too soon at all but just right. Ozy made some comment about me not having been told everything. I was in such pain. Angela arrived and I held onto her and Annun’s hands as I delivered my child. It was all very confusing with many people talking together. The child is not Brit’s. She is half mine and has wings! She is the child of a Celestial Avatar and is being hunted by Dougal’s children. Just as everyone was telling me I must give my baby up for the good of all Jacchri arrived and was a gentle voice of reason. I have always trusted him so I listened. It seems that the Celestial Avatar who original helped us get to Dougal’s house to retrieve Ly and has been tracking Dougal has been killed. But not before she impregnated with ‘our’child. I don’t claim to understand thatbut it obviously needed to be done. Now that she has been killed there needs to be a replacement to guard her plane. My child! It will be trained by a Paladin of Toran no less. God’s I think I dislike that bit most!!!
I asked Ozy to explain things and collected those I trust to return to the house. Jacchri arrived ashort while later and Abi quite a while after that.
Ozy explained things and I explained I had decided to leave Brit. I realise through all of this that I do not love him as he deserves. I care for him greatly and desire him greatly but it is not in fact great love. I had been willing to stay with him through out his life if Kai hadn’t meant what he said but the baby has changed all that. Brit has such a distrust of the Avatars that the stress this baby will bring will be unbearable as I don’t love him. *tears stain the page from here down*
Ozy offered to talk to Brit for me and while I was tempted it is something that I need to do. Jacchri was so very sweet. He said that I should just tell Brit I don’t love him as if Brit will say “oh,that’s alright love and walk away”.
I have managed to arrange finances to pay back Master Noss and also some money to give to Brit to cover what has been spent so far. I will also let him take what he wishes from the house. Maybe one day he will forgive me for rushing headlong into our marriage and confusing love with security, stability and lust. I will never marry again. I will never make that oath to another. It is a small thing but all I can give him.
I left with Elladan to a safe place while my friends dispersed.
-
I left Aranna in Maurele’s care Elladan catching up on his sleep and went for a walk. I ran into Annun and Angela just outside Hlint and we chatted. Annun left to do some alchemy while Angela and I walked into Hlint. We arrived at the benches and Mith was there so I sat with him. Angela went to play some form of game with Acecea. Mith whispered that Remiel Delmir had just walked into Hlint. Jacchri also arrived. Maurele arrived and introduced me to Remiel and tried to hand him the baby. I growled and she handed her to me instead. Jacchri implored me to give Remiel a chance after I explained I haven’t liked the Paladin’s of Toran I have met so far.
I thought Remiel should meet Elladan so walked back to Jacchri’s with Remiel.
We started to talk on the way as I know we will have to spend a lot of time together. I explained about Brit and the fact I believe I care for Kai. Remiel was surprisingly un-judgemental. We arrived back at Jacchri’s and I introduced him to Elladan. We were talking when Desre one of Dougal’s children attacked. Elladan and Remiel saw her off. Jacchri then returned and as we were explaining what happened and tried to work out what to do next Mith arrived with a gift for me. Things he thinks will help. He is so sweet!
Jacchri then started to fall under the influence of one of the children due to some poison he has been infected with but managed to fight it. It was then Remiel decided we could go to his house in Hlint so off Elladan, Mith, Remiel and I set with Aranna.
When we arrived there Mith explained to Remiel how he may be able to help and took his leave. Remiel asked to speak to me alone so Elladan kindly left us to it. God’s how I wished he hadn’t.
What is it about me? Remiel was nice and pleasant but also flirting with me. I eventually asked him why and he told he likes me and in that way too. For God’s sake we have only just met and while I had told him much about me as by this point I had explained all abou tDougal and such I know little of him. He said he does not wish to seduce me but he does have an interest in me. I reminded him of my situation. I have yet to leave Brit and I do not know what I feel for Kai. He asked if I like him in that way and I told him he is handsome, charming and I enjoy talking to him. He said that in a sense that was liking him like that. I am so confused!
I have told Remiel that I am young. I confuse lust for love and don’t always know what I am feeling he accepted this and wishes to support me and Aranna as he has been charged. Everything else is to take second place to my little Aranna in my mind.
God’s she is so lovely and I cannot believe how easy being her Mother is. Yes there is work required but she is such a lovely bundle of joy!
Well I need to sort myself out and decided what I feel for who! I may even need to do nothing about how I feel until this is well and truly over. Until Aranna is grown a little and the pressure is off. I can not keep being blown along by these emotions of mine towards the next pretty man showing an interest or I will be as bad as Kai is accused of being!
Remiel has not made things any easier by revelling his interest but I asked and at least I know! I knew after talking to him for a short while that Remiel was going to cause me problems!
-
I was fed up of being stuck in the house so we decided to goand fetch my ox from the old house near Castle Blackford. I knock on Master Noss’s door just to be certain but there was no answer.
I asked Remiel if it was ok to nip back to the house in Fort Llast. He said it would be alright. When I was checking through the chests I realised all of Brit’s things were missing and then I found the ring I gave him, his wedding ring and his door key in the last chest.
I know I wished it to be over but not like that. I have no idea why he has left. Maybe he could tell things were not right,maybe someone said something to him. I suppose I’ll never know.
We walked back to Hlint and I thought I saw Master Noss outside the bank. I checked and it was indeed Master Noss. I paid him for the house and tried to give him the gifts I had been given back but he would not take them. Nor would he take any money to hold for Brit. He doesn’t know where Brit is and even if he saw him I doubt he’d tell Brit I was looking for him. I think it’s safe to say I burned all my bridges there. I ran back into Remiel’s house and cried.
Remiel returned and comforted me and we talked somemore. It is all I seem to do is talk at the moment!
An Avatar from a different plane appeared and informed us that the Children are tracking Aranna through me. When Dougal poisoned me he left a mark upon me so they can always find me. I told Remiel I should leave! If I go they when they find me Aranna will not be with me. We argued about this. Remiel reminded me he had promised to protect us both and I pointed out it was sound tactics. Eventually we agreed to disagree and I agreed to stay. I would hate to leave my darling girl but I would do what ever is needed to keep her alive!
I nipped to the bank to fetch some clothes out of the chest there and Desde appeared. I ran out of the bank and towards the well where Ranewin, Cray, Justin and someone else were talking. I told them Desde was attacking and they followed me. Justin attacked her and fell fast then she stuck me down. I do not know what happened after that but I was raised by Cray and then Kea appeared. She asked where Aranna was so I told her Remiel was with her. This satisfied her and other than telling me to keep ‘her’ away from her chosen she left.
Remiel ran up and asked if I was alright. I was furious he had risked Aranna so by bringing her outside the house. Then someone wondered past and gave me Toran’s blessing! I told him to stuff it! Remiel calmed me slightly and I went back to the house. I explained how it seemed almost as if Desde knew we were in the house but couldn’t come it. Then I heard Kea searching through Remiel’s chests so I told her to stop being rude.
She came and explained that I can not leave Aranna as there is a special link between us which will stay in place until Aranna can choose for herself. The link was supposed to bef ormed to Remiel but there was no time. I am starting to feel more and more like a brood mare as this progresses although Kea assured me that I am not useless in all this. I do wonder! The link was supposed to be to Remiel, Remiel is to train her. Would I have had a place with her at all if Remiel had arrived sooner? Kea left us then having also explained that it is Remiel himself that prevents the Children from entering the house and that I am in more danger if I go anywhere without him. Also I can risk Aranna through the link if I am not careful.
Remiel raised the fact that people may think Aranna is his. I couldn’t understand why as she has wings. He admitted he is half Celestial himself and that his daughter has wings. I asked if it would bother him if he was assumed to be the father. He was so sweet and told me I am a fine woman and he’d have no problems with people thinking he had fathered my child. I told him my reputation would probably survive it also.
We talked of his daughter and her mother some and then there was a knock at the door.
Three people entered, Roxx, Glok and someone else. One of them had been transported to another plane and had learned there that maybe the water from the Lake will hurt the Children as the lake is so pure and the Children so evil. All three pledged to help in anyway they can. Remiel was so sweet again. I could tell it worried him that they know our business and their presence put him on edge. I thanked them as nicely as I could for we can not expect people to not have an interest in the child that may be their salvation. I am not use to this role but I am trying my best.
After they left I needed to rest and Remiel agreed he needed to also.
I went into the common room to one of the futon’s and Remiel seemed surprised. I reminded him that I had suggested we all sleep in the same place earlier and his little room would not fit him, me, Aranna and Elladan. He seemed a little put out so I tried to explain that it isn’t him I don’t trust. Of course that made him try andget me to blush again by explaining exactly who it is I don’t trust when he already knows!
He is handsome, charming and very nice. I find him easy to talk to and do enjoy his company but I will not make a mistake again nor will I rush into things! Although my time with Brit has awaked an enjoyment of carnal desires I will not be held to ransom by those desires. I am not one to give myself lightly and I know I am experiencing great turmoil in my life and especially with my emotions so I will do what ever I need to ensure I can keep him at arm’s length so to speak for I fear for my heart if I don’t and if I give my heart away again I so wish for it to be right!
-
Well sat in Remiel’s house with very little to do than talk and get to know one another! It is becoming very clear to me that I desire him but other than that I do not know how I feel. Eventually we ended up discussing feelings. He likes me and desires me but isn’t sure exactly how to explain his feelings for me. I explained that I don’t just lay with people or are happy with it lasting a few nights. He understood all this. I then explained that I need to sort out my feelings from my marriage, my feelings for Kai and then my feelings for him before I try to do anything with anyone. He again understood me. I asked him to give me time and be honest with me, I then told him I would try to do my best not to hurt him and be honest also.
We took a short walk to the benches in Hlint and Ranewin arrived but she was wearing a hood. When I questioned her she drew it back to revel she looked like an old woman. I immediately told her that she was still beautiful because her heart shines through. It turns out she had helped with something on Bear Island and due to a curse it affected her every time she raised. Even worse she isn’t sure people even appreciated what she was doing. I told her we’d find a way to sort it out and she left to rest but not before I gave her Aranna for a cuddle which cheered her up.
Rakan arrived in Hlint and was curious as to what I was holding. When I explained it was my baby he was worried he would scare her. I told him it was ok and he came and had a look. The wings surprised him and he was curious to know who the Father was. I managed to change the subject which isn’t difficult with Rakan. He offered to teach Aranna to fish when she is bigger so I promised I’d let himknow when she is big enough. He left to do things but returned a short while later with clover for luck and some elderberrys.
Remiel and I chatted again and we talked slightly of Kai. I also think I surprised Remiel slightly when I commented that if I was cheated on I would stab the man concerned. I explained I have a jealous streak and would expect my man to keep himself to me and this was why I had to end my marriage before I started thinking about Kai. Remiel did not think I am too jealous but maybe stabbing was a little over the top! I did point out I wasn’t talking about killing, just causing pain in a nice fleshy bit which wouldn’t cause too much damage. He seems to think I have a dangerous side that he might need to find out about but that it’s ok because he likes a bit of danger.
Ran arrived back just as we were leaving so I could nurse Aranna. I think after that she can go to Remiel for a cuddle while I soak in the bath.
I wish I knew that Brit was at least safe but I think I will never hear of him again!
-
I had a really good soak in the bath and Aranna was fine with Remiel while I was gone. Strangely enough we began to talk again after my bath, again!
Remiel was curious as to how I am coping with Aranna and being stuck with him so to speak. I explained how I’d given birth in the middle of Hlint surrounded by strangers as well as friends. I also reminded him of the troubles with Dougal and pointed out that actually it was quite nice spending time with my daughter and him.
I suddenly realised that I’d actually spent more time talking to Remiel in the short time I’ve known him than I spent talking to Brit in our entire marriage. I couldn’t help but revile that I was thinking about something so of course Remiel asked me what. I explained what I had been thinking and he asked me I liked to talk and I think I do. I pointed out that I had done all the question asking and maybe it was his turn.
He dropped his arm around my shoulders and asked me if I could cope with it. I replied I could and he gently pulled me slightly closer. He commented that if anyone came in now they’d think we were a happy family or ‘something’. I commented they probably would unless they were Elladan and then he’d probably shout. It felt right to be holding Aranna while Remiel held me.
I asked him if he wished to be a happy family or ‘something’. He pointed out that we already are ‘something’ and asked if I agreed. I agreed we are ‘something’ as I don’t know if I wish to be a happy family with him yet. He decided that ‘something’ isn’t bad. I told him I was glad he thought so and he seemed slight surprised by this. I reminded him that it’s not that I don’ tfeel for him but rather I don’t know what I feel or how much. He told me he hoped I could find out and I replied so did I. He asked me if I had any ideas how I might find out and I confessed I did not and asked if he did. Typically he didn’t either but he also pointed out that his thinking is a little different to mine and that his situation is different. I asked him how. He said he thought the situation being different was obvious and that as for his thinking he knows what feelings he has and such but that he just isn’t telling himself what they are. I checked that he meant his situation is different because he has no confusion and tried to understand why he isn’t telling himself what he feels.
He asked me how confused I am. He was trying to make the point that only I know how I feel but that it can be difficult to know how you feel. He then reminded me that I told him he confused me and ask if he confused me less now. I had to admit that he does confuse me less now as I feel I have a better idea of his intentions towards me. He asked me what I thought those intentions are. I carefully stated that I may be wrong about them and not put them in them in the best worlds but that I don’t think he wishes to bed me and leave me. He told me that I was correct and he has no intentions to bed me and leave me. Then he asked me how I knew he had any wish to bed me at all and I pointed out he’d kissed me. He pointed out that I’d kissed him too and I gently reminded him that I had already admitted I desire him. He commented that he supposed I wouldn’t just leave him after that either and I told him I wouldn’t and if I had wanted to just bed him I would have done it by now. He pointed out that I assumed he’d let me or that he is that easy. I granted this was a fair point but also said that I thought if something was offered willingly and he knew how it was offered he might accept and he had to admit it was possible.
He went quiet and was obviously thinking so I commented on it. He asked me if I didn’t like him thinking. I pointed out I had no problem with him think but that he’d just gone quiet. He said he was wondering how much Aranna affects what I want. I was about to answer him when I realised I had taken to long to do so and he’d dozed off. We have spent many hours talking and maybe not enough sleeping for Remiel.
-
I spoke to Pendar today and explained about Brit, Kai and now Remiel. God’s how bad that sounds! I explained how Brit had gone but I would have asked him to leave anyway. I explained how Aranna isn’t Brit’s which confused him and how I had some sort of feelings for Kai so had to end the marriage rather than live a lie. I think he will get used toit. Mith arrived and listened quietly as his way and then Jacchri arrived. I explained to Pendar that I know Remiel has an interest in me and how it is all very confusing and he begged me to act with caution. Well I had planned on doing that anyway.
I asked Jacchri from his opinion on my two suitors and he ruled Kia out straight away and warned that Remiel may have commitments with the church and to think wisely. Penda ragreed about Kai but could not comment on Remiel. By this point Ran was sat listening and she suggested I see where things lead with Remiel. Mith of course pointed out that I don’t need a man and should consider being on my own. It is a wise suggestion but the feelings I have building for Remiel may not tally with it. Jacchri commented that love would find me when I least expected it and I took him off to one side and pointed out I have feelings for Remiel too and they are most unexpected. I’m sure he found it very funny that I had feeling’s for the Paladin I was sure I would hate. He also said he will defend me and Aranna with his last drop of blood. He is a good friend who I wished I saw more of.
I returned to discover Ran gone and Pendar arguing with Mith over his feelings for me. I pointed out that Mith’s feelings for me were not actually any of Pendar’s business and fear I may have been harsher than I intended. I left on the best terms I could with Pendar and took Mith to the bank to return some of his money I didn’t need. I then returned to the house.
-
I had another long talk to Remiel today. He made me blush some more and we skated around feelings some more. He did explain that he needs to go out later as the last woman he had a relationship with so to speak wishes to say goodbye to him before leaving. I was please he was so honest!
He was teasing me so and trying to make me think about how If eel for him and it was so difficult. At one point I answered him in elvish for it was the only thing I could think of to do. I told him E nyeycw celaa sa irailmanane aey Maseac which means I could lose my heart to you Remiel.
He carried on teasing me and I eventually worked out that it is because he worries I will bury these feelings which are devolving and that if he teases me it will remind me they are there. I asked him if this were so and he admitted it might be. I tried to explain that there are questions I won’t ask because I fear the answers and that I can’t think about him too hard. He of course wished to know why and I again resorted to answering him in elven. I said fanyilylaa eo e anireln ilfeyan ean eamecc celaa salaaco ane aey which means because if I think about it I will lose myself to you.
By this point I realised I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and how much I have enjoyed the past month or so with Remiel and that he has feelings for me too otherwise we would not be having this conversation.
He asked me to teach him what mother and Father are in elvish and was saying how strange it would be for Aranna to call him Father. He asked if he could be a Father to Aranna and I told him it depended. He of course asked how. I pointed out that he was a Father to her in all the ways that mattered so if that was what he meant the he is. I also asked him why he dances around what he desires. He asked me what I meant. I asked him if he wished us to a proper family with a mother and father who loved each other and their children. He asked if that was I wanted and I reminded him I asked first! He continued to dance around the question some more until I got fed up and eventually told him if he wished to continue to dance he should find another partner! He apologised and checked I truly wished to know and then informed me he wishes to be with me. I confessed I also wish to be with him but I explained my fears. I asked to take things slow and not make any serious decisions till we’ve had chance to speakto Elladan who I feel has the right to know but I did ask Remiel for a kiss.
God’s I did not know I could feel such passion! I could lose myself in his kiss for days and I fear that I would never wish to stop kissing him! Don’t think we’d better do that again until we have spoken to Elladan or it won’t end at a simple kiss!
Remiel held me while I nursed Aranna and I truly feel there is no place I’d rather be than his arms.
-
Elladan took Aranna for me and I thought Remiel had left to see his friends so I went out into Hlint. I fancied someone to talk to that wasn’t male for a change and also thought some more food from the inn would be a good idea.
I ran into Elhara, Azaria, Ran and another lady on the benches. It was nice to sit and chat for a while. Ran saw how happy I was and asked me if it was due to Remiel. I told her how wonderful he is and she is so happy for me. We had a slightly intresting moment when we were discussing Remiel and Ran commented he talked more than Brit and listened more than Kai as she’d forgotten Azaria was there. Luckily I don’t think Azaria realised why Ran had made the comment as it doesn’t look like things are still on between her and Kai so we got away with it! Then one of Azaria’s friends arrived and she left.
Ran gave me one of her lovely dresses as she doesn’t feel comfortable wearing it in her present condition and we had a long chat about that and men learning elvish in elvish. Eventually we must have bored Elhara as she asked us if we could hear her. I still find it very strange that she doesn’t speak elvish.
So Ran need to go and Elhara and I where chatting when I heard Remiel say good evening behind me. I nearly died of shock as I wasn’t expecting him. I asked him I was in trouble and he said perhaps. Thankful Ran arrived back so I introduced him to both Ran and Elhara. I’d changed into the new dress Ran gave while she was way which pleased her so of course I had to show it of to Remiel who seemed to like it. We all chatted for a little while although Remiel wasn’t as talkative as he is at home. I explained to Remiel that I had come out for food and suggest a walk to the inn. He commented he had no money but I pointed out I had enough to buy us food. When we were leaving the inn to return home we ran into Sy and she too saw how happy I was and guessed it was due to a man. She introduced herself to Remiel but had to leave as she was tired but hopes to get to know him better another day.
We arrived home to find Elladan and Aranna had both fallen asleep so we left them to it. It seemed very strange to be on my own with Remiel and he too commented on this fact. We were just sat cuddling on the sofa for a while chatting about nothing much when I decided to get a drink. As I stood up I heard a sound and realised that someone had just left themselves into the house. It was a very sensual and attractive woman. I realised immediately it was the friend Remiel was going to meet.
I said hello and she said I must be Ireth but failed to introduce herself. She made some comment about being early and when Remiel said she wasn’t she made a comment about being confused as she had thought it would just be the two of them. I was very proud of the fact that I didn’t react to her words or they way she chose to say them. I just told her not to worry as I was going to bed anyway and then they would be alone. She decided to wait outside at this point.
Remiel told me it was Kali and apologised. I asked him if he was sorry about her at tempt to imply that things between them are more than they are and reminded him I trust him. He asked if I thought she had meant to imply that and I replied that if she hadn’t and normally acted that way I doubted she had many female friends! I told him to go and he said he’d ask me later what I meant about the way she acts. I told him I’d do my best to explain and that he might want to get his key back from her. He said we’ll see and I asked him why he wanted her to keep the key? He said that wasn’t what he meant but that he didn’t think she do anything with it. I pointed out that she could walk in whenever she pleases and that we could have been doing anything. He said he didn’t think she would and I pointed out she already had. He then asked if she had been interrupting anything and I said that it was more I thought she had hoped she might. I told him to go again and he informed me he’d ask me later. I asked if he referred to her behaviour and he pulled me close and said he might ask me about something else instead. I reminded him that if he kisses me I won’t want him to stop and this pleased him very much, I could tell although I doubt there is a man alive it wouldn’t please to be fair! He commented it was nice to know and gave me a little space. I also reminded him I wish to tell Elladan of our feelings for each other before we go too far and he settled for a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
God’s the way that man makes me feel overwhelms me sometimes. I was try to explain to Ran what passion he makes me feel but I can not find the words for it! I just hope he feels as I do. I am very different to Kali. She is very, very sensual. She knows this and uses it too. I wonder why she felt the need to try and imply there is more between them than Remiel has told me now. I do hope he gets his key back. While I was proud of how well I handled her attempt to upset me I’m not sure I’d be happy knowing she can still come and go as she pleases! I also hope he doesn’t try and get me to explain her behaviour too him later. I don’t really want to explain what I think of the woman who shared his bed before his interest in me regardless of how much time has passed! Personally I hope she is a very long time away on her trip or even chooses not to return but I know that is the jealousy talking! I wonder if Remiel ever gets jealous. I doubt it somehow but I’m sure I will discover for myself in time. Oh I asked Elhara to make me a new dress in the blue Remiel said he like on me that will show off my legs as a surprise for him. I know she will do a good job so I hope he likes it!
-
Snuck out into Hlint again, God’s I am getting terrible! I was sat minding my own business on a bench when a gentleman with wings appeared. After and initial misunderstanding where I confused him with someone else we introduced ourselves. I don’t remember his full name but he was happy to be called Plen. He remembered me from a time we travelled together which unfortunately I don’t remember and some of the events happening now.
He asked me where Aranna was and I explained she was safe with two paladins to watch over her. He asked to know more about them and I told him I didn’t mean to be rude but we have enemies in many places. He asked which God’s they worship and I was happy to tell him. He said he knew a paladin of Toran called Remiel. Oh how I laughed and Plen seemed happy to know Aranna was being so well looked after. We chatted some more mainly about what had been happening to me and also Remiel when Remiel arrived. He chatted to Plen also for a while and then suggested I might wish to go home as I had been talking along while.
Elladan and Aranna were once again asleep so we stood talking again. I don’t know how we ended up doing it of what happened but I told him I love him and he said he loved me also. God’s I have never been this happy in my life before! We talked some more about what this meant to us and made each other promises. Oh and we kissed and kissed. It was wonderful! We went and sat on the couch and I asked him how meeting his friend had gone. I pointed out how she had tried to make trouble between us and was about to ask him about her key when Elladan awoke and came through. He seemed to not care that Remiel and I were cuddling on the sofa and in fact we slipped into our old and easy ways as if much of the stress in our lives had gone! It was nice to see the man I call brother not worrying so for a change! He seems to like Remiel too! He asked to speak to Remiel alone and as I heard Aranna awake I left them to it.
I seemed to sit for and age before Remiel came to me and his first thought was for Aranna. God’s how I love this man. She is not even his and he cares for her so! I told he I had told her that Daddy said hello and she’d smiled. This pleased him. I spoke to him of living together once this is over and he told me doesn’t care were he lives along as we are with him! I said I liked his house just fine. He asked me if there was anything I wish to change and I told him other than a dress I’d found which wasn’t mine it would be Kali’s key. He asked why and I asked him if he would wish my husband to have a key to the house and he replied he would not. He said that while Kali had not been his wife he could see my point and would do something about it. Elladan arrived back and asked how Aranna was and I told him she had missed her Daddy and Uncle of course. He seemed surprised I had called Remiel her Daddy but as I pointed out, people who weren’t at the birth will assume he is anyway so… Elladan had to admit it was probably true!
Elladan had wished to speak of the lake when we heard the call to fight Blood’s forces go out. Remiel could not decide what to do. I told him that a long as he came home safe to me I didn’t mind!
-
Abi and Angela have been arguing again. I tried to help but I don’t know what to say or do. I tried to talk to Angela but she didn’t wish to talk. I did manage to talk to Abi but I’m not sure it helped. I did reminder her that I care for her and she has been a very good friend to me and all I can do is help it helps.
Rolf arrived with a few others where were sitting. After a while it became apparent Rolf wished to speak to me. He commented it had been a long time since we’d had chance to speak. I asked him if he had heard about Brit and he comment he’d only heard rumours so I suggest we move to a quieter bench to talk. It seemed to be silly to sit so close to the house and talk outside so I invited him back. We talked about Brit and I did my best to explain how there had been problems over Dougal and the Avatars, then about Kai declaring his interest although I didn’t name him. I explained the baby also. Rolf was not impressed someone had done this so I was rather glad he didn’t know who! I think Rolf understood. Elhara arrived and dropped off the dress I ordered and then Remiel arrived home and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as I greeted him and asked if was alright after the battle. Rolf seemed happy for us and said he needed to leave. I had to ask if we were still friends and he assured me that we are. I explained that Brit is a very good man and Rolf agreed. I then said that I just didn’t think he was the man for me. Rolf looked from Remiel to me and said he had to agree with that and then bid us good night.
Remiel immediately asked if Aranna and I were well. I told him I had something to show him and that it was another new dress. He teased me about all my new dresses but I didn’t mind. Elladan came in and said he was going to get bandages and things forwhen we go to the Lake. I went to the bank for money and got changed into my new outfit before I got back home. Elladan was just coming to met me as I got to the door and when he saw my outfit he assured me that be gone for many hours!
I went back in the house and showed Remiel the new outfit. He really liked it and seemed even more pleased when I pointed out it had been made with some of his likes in mind. He commented he was still wearing his armour so I took Aranna and settled her for her sleep.
We discussed the battle and that I had been worried. He seemed surprised I had been worried and I explained that having only just realised how I felt about him I didn’t want to lose him now. He told me he won’t leave me. We snuggled on the sofa and discussed how we’d missed each other before we started to kiss.
God’s how he makes me feel! I burn with desire for him when he touches me like my veins are filed with a fire only he can extinguish. He was very gentle with me and went slowly checking that it was what I wanted and that it felt right. He even checked that Aranna would be ok and that just made me want him more. He cares so for both of us. I told him I had never felt passion like this before and how I can find it overwhelming but that I like it also in between his sweet kisses. He admitted to me that he hasn’t felt passion like this for another before either. That made the fire inside me burn even more. I surprised myself with how vocal I was about how much I wanted him and how well I matched his passion with my own. While there was tenderness and caution there was a joining of equals too. I have never experience love making like that and true lovemaking it was also. There was so much passion and desire in our eyes and such love too. I gave myself to him so completely and he to me. It ended with gently kisses and the telling each other that we will always have each others love.
I can face anything in the world with this man at myside. With his love I can conquer any fear with his passion and desire I can be the woman I need to be. I just pray the Soul Mother is kind to us with the time we have together!
-
Well the time came. Maurelle came and fetched Elladan and I. She took us to Aboura where we waited. After time a party arrived to escort us to Lake Tara. It include my darling Remiel of course but also Mith, Jacchri, Lady Rev, Enzo, Thordan Ironheart and many others. It was good to know Aranna was to be so protected although tactics seemed a little sketchy to say the least. Not sure that Rhizome understood what I meant when I asked for an idea of tactics as all he said was they were going to get me to the Lake. The group seemed to split into two. Those that went ahead and those Jacchri organised to protect Aranna and myself.
Well I suppose it worked rather well from what I saw of it. Eventually we made our way almost tothe Lake to be confronted by the two remaining children. Enzo made his way back and suggested that our group sneak past the children while the others were engaging them. It did seem to make the most sense so once the fight had begun we ran for the Lake shores.
We made it without incident and then the pressure to bathe her began. Did they not understand how hard it was for me? I carried this child inside me, felt her movements before she was even born, brought her into the world,suckled her and cared for her. Now I was to bring her to maturity and burden her. To leave her, to be parted from her. Oh how simple it is for them. Tik has been killed, Celestia must be protected, Ireth’s daughter must do it so what are you waiting for? One even seemed to think Remiel must be the one to bathe her! Over my dead and cooling body!!! I was the one that birthed her and while Remiel has been a Father to her no one was going to do this but me!
I bathed her and then she appeared on the Lake shore. God’s she was so beautiful!! I told her how proud she made me and how beautiful she was. That I always her Mother and to call on me if she has need. Uncle Elladan reminded her of his oath to protect her also. She told us that Celestia is safe now and she will guard it until the true guardian is ready. I fear this may be Remiel but no doubt time will tell!
Aranna gave me a wonderful gift to treasure and remind me of her which nearly made me break down but I would not have her last sight of me for a while be of me crying.
I told her I had the joy of our time together within my heart and she looked from me to Remiel and commented that there will be more. My heart leaped with joy when he agreed with her! He had kept his distance through it all as I’m sure he needed to but to her his words then reminded me he is there for me.
Aranna then removed Dougal’s poison from Jacchri and returned us to Arabel. I lost Remiel in the slight confusion when we arrived in Arabel but I’m sure there was a good reason why he did not travel back with us. Jacchri very kindly escorted Elladan and I back to Hlint and it was wonderfully ironic that I fell to a Griffon outside Fort Hope but luckily Jacchri sent a bird to Rolf and he raised me. We met Abi in Hlint and I explained I would talk to her soon but needed to rest. Abi, Jacchri and Elladan all reminded that they are there for me which was good.
It would have been nice to have returned home and just lay in Remiel’s arms but it was not meant to be right now. No doubt he will return soon and hold me. I lay down on Remiel’s bed holding the gift my daughter gave me and rested.
-
I decided to not sit around the house so went to visit Angela and Abi to tell them the story of Aranna. Also about Remiel and I.
They were very understanding and supportive when I told them that Aranna was now guarding Celestia but they teased me so about Remiel. Abi offered to make a whip in any colour I chose in case he needs ‘whipping’ into shape! I blushed so much.
They are happy for me about Remiel even though neither of them has a love for paladins which show’s what good friends they are!
I ran into Postmaster Vale on the way home and he gave me a letter. I recognised the handwriting immediately and it took me quiet a while after I got home to open and read it. Brit claims he was run out of town. I would dearly love to know who did that and why! He also said he was told to keep away from me or he would be killed by my protector. I’m guessing he meant Remiel and I suppose in someway I can understand why he might be told that. I was in hiding with Aranna after all and Remiel would have defended me against any threat although I refuse to believe Brit would have been a threat to either of us! I’d still like to know who said this to him. He is a good man and he deserved to be told in person why I wished our marriage to end. While it was not something I relished doing it was a right he deserved. Well at least I know he was safe although I do not know if he is now.
-
I ran into Pendar just outside Hlint talking to that druid again. They seemed to be sorting things out which is good.
Pendar is upset that Brit has gone and wishes he could have done more to support him. He has also had a letter from him. I told Pendar how Brit claims to have been run out of Hlint and we are agreed he should look into it as if it happened than that is not right at all. Pendar is still my friend though and I am happy for that.
Acecea asked after Aranna and I explained she had bathed in the lake and come into her powers. She seemed a little disappointed to have missed it. By this point another group of people was forming to discuss things so I quietly left and returned home.
It is strange I suppose that I already consider Remiel’s house home but then I have hardly left it in the last couple of months and it is decorated very well with a good feel.
-
I walked into Hlint and ran into Abi. We were chatting about things such as the Shadowdancers when Angelo interrupted as is his way! It was a spirited discussion and then he chose to leave!
A drow approached and calling me Lady Ireth enquired after Aranna and myself. We talked a little of Aranna and her training and such. I commented that I had no claim to title ‘Lady’. Thus a discussion on my marriage ensued. Angelo managed to return and join in. Abi and the drow seemed to think Brit should be tracked down so I could explain to him. For once Angelo and I seem to agree that it is not necessarily the best thing. Then a pit fiend appeared and spoke to someone sat on a bench.
Well I didn’t know what to think. I quickly changed into my armour and drew my bow but all it did was talk. Then suddenly the fiend and the person it was talking to vanished.
I was stood trying to work out what to do when Jacchri arrived. He asked how I was and I explained about Brit’s letter. Further talk between Jacchri, Abi and me ensued with them telling me I should try and find Brit. I started to feel angry at this and pointed out that no one made him actually leave without speaking to me. That even if he had been run out of Hlint he could have waited at the house or left me a note telling me where to find him. He chose to leave without speaking me!
Then suddenly the person who disappeared with the pit fiend reappeared. Jacchri went over as he knew him. Abi and I continued to talk until Angelo joined in again. Once again we seemed to agree. If he wished to know the truth the Brit could have learnt it! I went to the house the very first chance I got after Aranna was born and he had left. I did not tell anyone to run him out of town. It is not my responsibility that he chose to listen to rumour rather than try to listen to me! He could have sent me a letter earlier and chose not to! He in fact left it over two months before bothering to tell me anything. Abi will go to find him if I wish but also respects the fact the fact that this it is not my burden to find him when hec ould have spoken to me if he wished! As I said to her would she have listened to gossip if it had been her and Angela? She replied as I knew she would that she would wish to hear from Angela’s lips. We are going to try and find out if anyone did run him out of town though. I gave Abi a big hug to thank her and went home.
-
Not be up to much really. I’m feeling slightly worn after all that has happened with Aranna and also Remiel.
All I’ve done really is go and sit on the benches in Hlint to chat. I’m getting to know Angela and Abi more and they are being such good friends and supporting me. I had a good conversation with Kloss a few days ago also. Nothing really exciting just talking to people.
Maybe it’s because I am missing Aranna and I suppose I’m not used to being alone in the house. I know Brit often was away doing things but Elladan would usually be around when Brit wasn’t so I was never actually alone unless I wished to be. I am going to have to get used to not having my ‘Brother’ around in the same way as I have.
I will have to steel myself soon and go and enquire at the Courthouse to see what can be done about my marriage to Brit. I’m not sure what exactly that may be but I just hope there is a way to dissolve the marriage without causing further hurt. It’s not because I have any mad desires in Remiel’s direction it’s just that my marriage is over so still being married seems silly. Oh well I’m sure I’ll find out when I can get up the courage to go and ask!
-
I decided to talk a walk and went to the Craft Hall where I ran into Sy. She invited me to go to Haven mines with her and I agreed. We headed up and met with Trysk and a couple of others outside. Just as I went in I saw Elladan but had to dash off after the others. They had all charged off and I was worried Elladan would have followed me. Eventually I caught up with Trysk and ran into Synal'dur but by then Trysk had ran on. I asked Synal’dur if he would walk me back to the entrance to check for Elladan. He kindly agreed and then Trysk ran up looking for me. We all headed up and did indeed find Elladan who had entered on his own worried for me. Synal'dur checked we’d be ok getting to Sy and the others and then excused himself.
Trysk, Elladan and I fought our way down to the others to discover one of them had already fell. They did some mining and just as we were about to leave Jet came down. I checked if Jet wished us to wait for him and he thanked me but said no. We reached the top and shared out the loot. Elladan, Trysk and I were still chatting when Jet left the mine.
We teased Jet slightly as by this point I had changed out of my armour. I also impressed Elladan as he said I had accepted I was beautiful for the first time since he meet me. Jet left and we continued to chat. Things got a little heated at one point when Elladan made a comment about Brit and Trysk being Brit’s friend reacted but eventually all was calm again. We decided to go to Hlint so I could show Trysk my costume from the masked ball and we could tease Jet some more. Once we got to Hlint I dashed off to change and surprised Elladan, Trysk and Barion with my outfit. Unfortunately we couldn’t find Jet to tease! Barion and Shule have brought a house together so Barion left to get the furniture sorted and Trysk dashed off as is Trysk’s way!
Elladan and I walked on and discussed how strange we are finding it not living in the same house and we also discussed the house in Fort Llast slightly. We then arrived at the benches. Elhara and then Lan arrived shortly afterwards but I was starting to feel tired and excused myself.
I returned home and ran a bath and tried to relax but couldn’t so I went for a walk again. I arrived at the benches to discover a heated discussion between a Xeenite and some others regarding Ozy. The Xeenite seemed to think that as Ozy hadn’t saved Quinn from Dougal on one occasion and had then taken some of Quinn’s blood to help him make an antidote to Dougal’s poison that Ozy is evil. I went mad! How dare this silly woman who obviously knows so little of what actually went off talk like this? Then she started called Remiel, Remmy and I saw red even more! I argued and argued with her and while I could back up my arguments with fact she couldn’t back her arguments up. At one point Dougal walked into Hlint and tried to explain things to the Xeenite but she just accused himof being Ozy’s puppet! Dougal thanked Ozy, kissed my cheek and left. I am happy that he has been redeemed at last! Ozy left to rest and eventually the Xeenite left also.
Abi had arrived at some point and seemed interested to discover more about what I had been through even if it was not the time to ask me. Elladan told me how proud he was of me and I told him it might be a bit soon as I had the feeling I will end up hitting the Xeenite at some point. Angelo offered to make me invisible if I every wish to.
Ozy arrived back at that point and licked me. He told me that I didn’t have to defend him as he is used to such things. I explained that she was wrong and I didn’t like it! I also pointed out the fact that I valued the help he had given and would count him friend if I thought he had such. Ozy replied that he has friends although they are few and far between. I told him he is to count me as his friend and call on me if he ever thinks I can help! Then I asked him what I tasted of now. He replied I taste of an Aeridenite and a Toranite. I was confused that I would taste of an Aeridenite and asked him if he knew why. He replied that perhaps I was close to one which of course I am, Elladan! I pointed out I was sure he could guess who the Toranite was and he did reply that Remiel has a distinct flavour! I realised at this point that Abi had been discussing Ozy licking people with him and Ozy was explaining why he does it. I couldn't resist adding he enjoys it! Elladan pointed out it tends to unsettle people so was no bad reason from that point. I pointed out I’m getting used to it so he’ll have to think of a new way to unsettle me! At that point he showed me just how long his tongue is and commented about licking me with his entire tongue. I pointed out that I’d certainly react but that I am no longer the innocent girl he first met! Azaria arrived at that pointed. I asked Ozy what happens when someone licks him. He asked me why I didn’t find out and for some strange reason I did! Ozy tastes sweet. Bris arrived back at that point and it is obvious that she is involved with Ozy. Ozy commented that normally he licks back when licked but Bris was there. I pointed out that I owed him one from earlier! Bris made a comment about my outfit and Ozy joined in teasing me! She also told me to back off her bard while Ozy pointed out that Kea wasn’t the only possessive one so I pointed out my heart was another’s and while I enjoy bantering with Ozy, banter is all it is. We chatted a bit more and I over heard Azaria saying things about Kai so I pointed out that Kai is honest about who he is so you should accept him or leave him alone. She said she had left him alone. I asked if her and Kai where over and she is going to tell me about some other time. Joy!!! I only wished to know if he is going to chase me even more!
I reminded Ozy that I meant what I’d said earlier and said goodnight to people making sure that Abi knows if she wishes to ask me questions at a later date I will answer them and went back to the house.
-
*page tear stained with the ink having run in places*
Remiel returned home to day. I should have been so happy. He has had chance to think and he has discovered that has tasks to do he didn’t know about before he began protecting Aranna and me.
But it’s all right because I’ll find someone better than him.
I denied my feelings for him and he wouldn’t let me but it’s ok. He at least had the decency to admitit was his entire fault although he seemed to think that made it better!
He is sorry, he did care and wishes it could be different but it can’t. He can’t tell my why it just can’t but he is sorry.
Oh and we’ll both get over it so what is the problem anyway?
I ranted and I raved and he just kept saying sorry and there was nothing he could tell me or do it change it even if he wanted to.
So we parted and not on the best of terms by the time I had finished but I wasn’t feeling kind by then.
He gave me nothing, no indication he would have wished it different if he could, no emotion and hardly any feeling.
He stood there and broke my heart in two.
So it is over and there is more pain in my life. I guess I should be used to it by now.
So now what? How do I trust, how do I love again? Oh silly me it’s going to be easy, Remiel said so.
-
I seemed to have managed to stop crying for a short while. Abi met me on the way back to the Fort Llast house immediately after Remeil had cast me aside. She is a true friend! I told her what had happened and she left me cry. She tried to explain that I would feel better one day and even love again but she also admitted I would never truly get over him and the sight of him may cause me pain for years to come. I demanded to know what I was supposed to do now as she told me that I just had to get through it as best I could. I told her I wanted to hurt Remeil as he is hurting me but she is wise and knows that it is just the anger talking. She made me promise not to make any sort of move to hurt him and I agreed for deep down I know she is right. There are many things I wish to do with Remeil but hurting him is not truly one of them. I said I may as well give myself to Kai as Remeil had made me no better than a woman who sells her affections. Abi went wild at this and said I was not to use such a word. That I had given myself to Remiel because I loved him and anything else was not my fault. She also reminded me that it would be unfair to myself and Kai if I took him to my bed as I had nothing to give but my body and I would be making Kai what I feel Remeil has made me. Again she is wise. I do not wish to be with anyone right now and I certainly don’t have any physical desire. What I have is the lingering memory of Remeil’s caress and kisses and in some ways while I wish to hold that forever in my heart a very small part of me wishes it taken away. She made me promise that if I am ever with Kai it is because I feel for him. That is fair also. I know Kai fairly well and while he would claim to be happy with my body he would truly wish my heart also.
I can not give any one my heart. Remeil still has it regardless of if he wants it or not! God’s how I feel a fool for trusting him, for listening to him and for believing I had a chance at happiness with anyone. I think I am doomed to bring pain to myself and others.
I can’t help but wonder if it was something I had done of that Remeil had discovered about me that changed his mind. I can’t think of anything we did not talk about but something happened while he was a way. Something I do not deserve to know. God’s I feel so ill used right now. First Dougal, then Aranna and now Remiel. Oh and the irony of Aranna and Remiel is not lost on me either. I will hardly see my daughter but he will. The only one who could give me news of her is the one person to see would break my heart again!
-
I couldn’t stand to be in the house any longer so I walked into Hlint. Trysk was the first person I saw and I’m afraid I rather fell apart on him. After a little while the Xeentie I argued with (Silool), Abi, Thais and maybe a few others arrived.
Abi came up and asked me how I was and I fell apart again.
Thais thought I was crying over my baby but I explained my baby was full grown and this was over a man. She thought I meant Brit which was a bit awkward but I explained it wasn’t. I started rambling about how I had not wanted to get involved with anyone but that he had encouraged me.
Silool came over and offered me food and drink. I took the food. She told me she had realised she had been unfair about Ozy and is going to apologise which was nice to hear. Then I told her it was Remeil who had jilted me. She was surprised and shocked and wishes to speak to him about it as he is her friend. She was nice enough to ask if I minded but I don’t in fact I care very little about anything right now.
I continued to tell the story to those who wished to know. They were all so nice and supportive. I think I have a new friend in Silool well at least until she speaks to Remiel. She gave me a dress and it was pretty but not me. I hadn’t the heart to say it wasn’t so just took it to make her happy. Angela had arrived by this point and they tried to talk me into going into Haven but I didn’t feel like killing. I just didn’t feel like anything.
I’d waited so long for him to come home, looked forward to on the basis of his words before we went and then….
*tears stain the page*
They tried to cheer me up so much but I didn’t wish it. Eventually I agreed to make them stop hoping to stall for time. Then Elladan arrived.
I started to explain to him. Elladan got so angry. When I explained Remiel had promised me things he went cold and strange. He started to ask me questions which I did my best to answer. He asked if Remiel seduced me. I replied that I wasn’t sure he had. I told Elladan I had been worried it was so soon after Brit and because we were forced to spend so much time together. Elladan asked how it could happen with us all sleeping in the same room. I reminded him Remiel and I spent much time talking and that he had bedded me when Elladan had gone out. I asked if it was still seduction if I desired him.
Thais wondered if my desire for him had scared him away. I pointed out he’d rather enjoyed it from what I could see. Then she asked if he’d felt obliged to marry me due to his Paladin’s code and discovered he didn’t love me and I told her I didn’t know what happened.
Elladan started to apologise as if it was his fault and then started to talk about how Remiel will answer for his actions. He said some more which I can’t remember but when Angela asked me if I ever told Remiel I was still married to Brit and I answered yes Elladan went white. I explained how Remiel had been there when I discovered Brit had left and how I had discussed Brit and my marriage with him.
I tried to explain that he hadn’t seduced me but rather made me aware he had feelings for me and that I had them for him. I tried to explain that I was the one who asked him if he wished to be with me.
Then Elladan started to apologise again. Suddenly he announced that he is going to make a formal complaint to the Temple of Toran declaring Remiel as an oath breaker. I told Elladan that I am also as I broke my oath to Brit when I slept with Remiel. Elladan then told he was doubly sorry and announced that he was also accusing Remiel of adultery. Elladan just told me he had to do this. I explained they will put me on trail along side Remeil. Elladan then had to explain that adultery was a crime to the people gathered. I tried to make Elladan understand that it is not a good idea but…..
I could not ask him to not stand for his principles. He is a Paladin and they matter to him even if the don’t matter to all but nor do I wish my relationship dragged through the courts or if truth be told Remiel. I know I promised to destroy him in anger when he asked me to leave but I did not mean it, not really so now Elladan will destroy us both instead and Remiel will believe I wished it so. While I am not naïve enough to believe that things would ever change between Remiel and me I thought I might manage to be I the same room as him in time if only for Aranna’s sake. Now I doubt he will wish to lay eyes on me again.
I ranted a little more and made them angry when I called myself a woman who sells her affections but it is how I feel right now. I know Remiel said it wasn’t so but he said so much and changed his mind.
I tried to get Elladan to go to Haven with the others but he refused to let me be on my own. Ironic really that it is all his caring that will nail the coffin of my relationship shut.
I asked to speak to Abi and explained I have sent Kai a letter explaining about Brit and Remiel. She reminded me of my promise and I put her mind at rest explain that I wished Kai to hear it from me and not as gossip and that I need him to be my friend and not try to seduce me. Abi understood that and say’s she will talk to Kai and make sure he does too. Of course talk turned back to Remiel which just made me sad and Abi & Angela angry as they got more of what happened out of me.
We all talked some more and they tried to convince me to go to Haven again but I could not. Eventually Elladan walked me home and drew me a hot bath and made me hot chocolate. He slept on the cushions in my room in case I had need. Thankfully my crying didn’t wake him.
-
Again I need to get out of the house. I sneaked past Elladan and started into Hlint intending to dye some of my blue clothes a different colour. A silly thing but one I hope will improve my mood. I ran into Angela on the road and she decided to walk me in. When I got there I found Mith and Pendar.
I told Pendar that maybe he was right and I am no lady as Remiel cast me aside and Angela told me off for saying that. I tried to explain that I don’t feel like a lady which made her more annoyed.
Mith was so nice. He acted just like he always does with good advice. It was nice and normal. I ended up telling Mith the story. He laughed at the bit where Remiel told me maybe Mith would be better for me than him. Angela had to leave then as her ox ran off
Mith agreed he had manipulated me but asked why he had pushed me away now. He asked me if maybe Remiel had done what he did to make it as painful as possible to aid the healing process and not give me hope. That maybe Remiel would risk losing me if we stayed together and that he could not stand that so pushed me away as hard as he could. It was sound comment even if I did not wish to hear it. I’d rather believe I was his toy he had finished with than contemplate the fact it hurt Remiel to ended it too. Mith pointed out that maybe one day Remiel will be able to explain and I counted by asking if he thought I could ever believe anything Remeil said to me again. Mith said sadly he could as I am trusting and kind!
Then Pendar said he’d been daydream so I had to explain a little more. Then we had a strange discussion with Pendar discussing his God, Mith discussing trust in yourself and your own abilities and me being all pathetic and deciding I can only bring pain to myself and those around me! Then Lan arrived and there was even more explaining! Mith suggested I post a notice to prevent me from having to explain so much and Pendar decided it was mean but I quite liked it! I made me feel like smiling.
Lan and Pendar both left and I thanked Mith for his words as they had eased my heart slightly.
A gentleman who knows Ozy asked if he may share some wisdom with me and I asked him to do so as long as he did not compliment Remiel. He informed me he had no love for a letching Paladin. I told that unfortunately for me I do. He told me I should seize the moment and make sure he knew. I almost laughed at that point and explained that Remiel knew and still it is over. We continued talking and the subject of court came up. I explained what Elladan planned to do and the gentleman muttered it was about time. I asked him if he done thins to other women and he told me I was one of many. I commented that maybe Remiel just didn’t want Kai to get me and we had a small discussion about Kai. I commented that Kai was not unattractive but that I did not give myself lightly, a fact which Remiel knew and the gentleman said that he was not one to make claims but that he felt Remiel may have used me for his own personal gain. I asked what that could be other than to bed me a hurt me and that Remiel had claimed it was more than that even as he was telling me to go. The gentleman commented that if it had been more than that then Remiel would still be with me. I replied that Remiel had said he had learnt things he didn’t know before, that he had meant what he said but it can’t be now. I asked the gentleman if any of this sounded familiar and he said it did. I commented that of course he couldn’t tell me what he’d learnt, that he’d made a mistake, he’s sorry and I’d get over it. That seemd to catch the gentleman by surprise as he said he was sorry but he was lost for words but that he would reflect on things and pray for an answer as well as praying to Lucinda for my wellbeing. I thanked him and asked who he was. He introduced himself as Celgar Magnus, priest of Lucinda and then excused himself to see Trysk and Ranwein who had just arrived. I asked Mith to walk me home. He did of course and his conversation continued to be good for me. I am glad Mith is my friend for he is honest and his council wise even if he does think I will be the ruin of him! I bid him goodbye and slipped into the house quietly so as not to wake Elladan.
-
Well a decision! I love Remiel, he doesn’t want me. I can’t change that now. If there had been a chance I did not see it and I lashed out in my pain. Also Elladan’s actions will probably mean Remiel will never wish to lay eyes on me again. I doubt he will believe I did not put Elladan up to it and nor am I going to try and explain it to him. So my decision is this. I will stop the crying in public and talking about what has happened. I will keep my feelings inside me and wait for time to help me sort them out. I love him and some part of me always will but he is right is a way that we will both get over it in time. Part of me just can’t help feeling he already is and that is what causes the most pain I fear. Not that I can’t be with him, not that I don’t have him to hold but not knowing if he actually did mean what he said. God’s I believed him at the time as he seemed so true but he was so cold when he asked me to leave.
Oh Remiel why did you want me? I realised looking back that you declared an interest in me and kissed me even before I knew Brit had left. Within a day of meeting me in fact. It was all so fast and sudden. I told you right at the start that I was married and may have feelings for another but you declared your interest anyway! I tried to ignore my feelings towards you and you applied gentle pressure to ensure they were always in my mind until I believed your soft words and trusted you. I opened myself up to my feelings for you and was honest with you and you told me you loved me, wished to be with me, felt a passion for me you had felt for no other. You promised me I wouldn’t have to share you and that you were mine but how little those promises must have meant to you! You awaken a desire in me I never knew existed which when combined with my love for you makes me half insane at the loss of you and now what?
Oh Elladan what have you done? I know why you felt the need to report him but did you have to declare in front of half of Hlint? I couldn’t ask you not to now even if I wished to. I wouldn’t ask you to betray your principles even for me brother but gods if this is dragged through the courts it may destroy me more than it will Remiel. Regardless of if Remiel lied or meant what he said I love him! He can not change that by just telling me he doesn’t want me anymore and now thanks to you Brother I will have to stand in court and tell everyone the details of my relationship and he will be judged. I care not if I am. I know I wanted him and while I did try to resist it obviously wasn’t hard enough. I can take any punishment the courts deal me for my part but I am not sure I can take the hurt it will cause Remiel even though he has hurt me and worst of all I’m not sure I can take the knowledge that he will think I wished it so. Oh all the things I wish I could take back in my life, wish I had never said, telling Remiel I would destroy him is the one I would choose if I could.
-
I went into Hlint and ended having a strange conversation with Celgar about relationships and Aranna. He’s nice enough but I was quietly please when I realised Enzo was waving hello and I could excuse myself to go say hello.
Enzo asked me how I was and I explained I’m missing Aranna and we had a small chat about things needing to be done. Plen, Angela and Abi arrived at that point and plen started to tell a story. I didn’t feel much like listening so asked Enzo if he fancied a walk. We went and sat by the tress outside Hlint.
I asked him if he’d heard the gossip and it was obvious that he had and he worried for me which was nice. We had a really good chat. Enzo doesn’t think I love Remiel at all but more the things he said and did and the charm he used to bed me as that is all Enzo believes he was after. I can see his point and while in some ways it made it easier to think of, I don’t think my feelings are that shallow towards Remiel as Enzo thinks Remiel’s were towards me. I don’t know if Enzo is right but it makes it easier to think of myself as just another conquest rather than think he does love me and still asked me tol eave. We chatted a while longer and Enzo told me some of his love life to do with Bris and Ly which was a welcome distraction but eventually I needed to be on my own so made my excuses and went and sat by the campfire.
I enjoyed my chat to Enzo. It did me good and made me smile. After all it is Remiel’s loss not mine! He could have had me to make him happy but he doesn’t want me so his tough luck!
-
Walked into Hlint to see who was around to find Enzo and a few others including Jet. Enzo suggested that wading through troll guts was a good thing to do to take my mind of things. Kloss came up and asked how I was so I explained I was single and when he said he was sorry for me I made Enzo grin by telling him not to be as it was Remiel’s loss not mine. Maybe if I keep this up I might believe it sometime soon! Jacchri came up and I told him what happened and he made such a beautiful comment about me having the worst luck with men. He is so right! To cut a very long story short quite a few of us including Kloss, Enzo, Angela, Elladan, Jet, Roxx, Jacchri and I went to a cave in Battle Fens where some of them mined Platinum. It was a good trip and I laughed and joked with Enzo and the others. When we were splitting loot and such outside Port Hampshire I got chatting to Jet and we offered to swap skills. I teach him the bow and he teaches me sword play. He is a strange one to talk to. He is nice enough if a little reserved. Maybe I just need to get to know him slightly better so he is more comfortable with me.
Elladan reminded people he needed to go to Haven and take care of the Chief there so off we headed. I ended up at the back chatting with Jet and Enzo until Enzo had to nip off and do something. I'm sure the rest wondered what was taking us so long although I did have to nip into the bank and Jet kindly gave me some arrow heads he had no use for. Eventually I arrived at the mine to discover they had just gone in so I dashed after them and thankfully caught up. We got the head for Elladan and made it backout. Angela was teasing me that I had been flirting with Enzo and as he walked up while we were waiting for Elladan to get back from handing the head in I asked him. I really must get better at realising I am flirting! On the way back to Hlint Elladan began teasing me that Mith showed more than a friendly interest in me but I don’t see it myself. He’s just a good friend! Enzo had to leave to gett hings ready at his shop in the Arm’s but promised to buy me a fruit juice when I arrived later. Elladan, Abi,Angela, Ayla and I all headed off chatting. As we got on the road to Fort Llast I caught Mith following out of the corner of my eye so stopped and he bumped into me. He decided to join us going to the Arm’s. Just as we were passing Castle Blackford I spied Ozy and said hello. He immediately asked me to follow him into the library. Mith followed shortly after and listen as is his way.
Well what a conversation that was! Ozy believes Remiel still loves me but something or someone is preventing him from acting on it. He intends to find out at the very least for he told me that if Remiel did just use me then he will rip his gut’s out as Remiel once made Ozy promise that if he acted like a couple of the women in his life had acted towards him that Ozy was to kill him. I did have to admit that the knowledge of Ozy ripping out Remiel’s guts if he used me did help! We also discussed Elladan’s complaint and I explained to Ozy how I can’t ask him to withdraw it. Ozy understood and thinks we will all cope although wishes it wasn’t a problem!
I asked Ozy what it is about me that seems to have this strange effect on men as I just don’t understand it! Ozy told me I am beautiful, but also kind,clever, polite and not one to dwell on petty hatred. I still don’t understand it but I gather from Ozy I need to learn to accept what I am. Elladan has told me that also.
We carried on talking but now Ozy was explaining some of his culture to me as I wish to learn more. I like to learn and I think Ozy enjoyed explaining it to me although eventuallyI was tired and Ozy being Ozy noticed and sent me to rest. I hope he gets a chance to talk to Remiel soon but we will see!
-
Decided to go and take Jet up on his offer of visiting him if I am in Hlint and discovered he was in fact home. We ended up have a very long chat about all sorts of things from his childhood, to my childhood, to fighting styles. It was a very pleasant way to spend a few hours and he was slightly more talkative than before which I think is a good sign. At one point we ended up discussing me and he told me he thinks I am strong, smart, beautiful and very curious! I agreed with the curious part at least! We also discussed how this whole Remiel thing has made me realise just how many friends I have and that at least something good has come out of it.
Jet has led a very interesting life and as always I enjoyed hearing his story. I do so enjoy learning more about people and things and he didn’t even mind my questions.
I’m not sure how long we talked for but eventually Jet admitted he was feeling tired and wished to rest so I thanked him for his company and bid him goodbye reminding him he is always welcome to visit me at my house!
-
Went to Velensk to deliver a parcel and decided to sit in Port Hampshire for a change to Hlint. I was minding my own business when Ozy came along. Angela, Abi and Barion also wondered by. We said our hellos and Angela asked if I wished to join her and Abi but I decided to chat to Ozy.
Well Ozy took me to his house on Dregar, I’ve never been there before so it was an experience! Ozy’s house is nice and we sat and continued my culture lessons although tonight was more a history lesson about Dra'Morath.
I enjoyed talking to him and learning more. I just hope I managed to ask some intelligent questions. We talked for quite a while before Ozy wondered off. After a while there was a knock at the door and Ozy didn’t seem to be around I went out to see who it was.
It was Mith who had a feeling I was in Ozy’s house so thought he’d check. He is a strange one sometimes but I like him! He gave me a couple of wands he’d found and we talked. Ozy didn’t return so Mith kindly offered to show me to Hurm to catch the boat although we did stop on the way to sit by a waterfall which was very pretty.
I caught the boat back to Lelion and sat there for a while. Mith stayed on Dregar and as for Ozy? Well he was obviously off somewhere being Ozy.
-
I was had just walked into Fort Llast when I ran into Mith. I asked him if he would help me with a crate I needed to buy for the house as I’m getting far too much stuff at the moment. He said he would help but gently suggested I let him go into Hlint and fetch the chest as if I went I’d spend all day talking. I teased him a bit about what he said be agreed he may be right! So off he went. Ironically enough he ended up gossiping and keeping me waiting. So we got the chests placed as he actually picked me two up and wouldn’t take anything for them either! He really is far too good to me. We ended up in the bedroom discussing the pool. Mith put some magic rocks in the pool which will heat it which again was very sweet. So there we are sat chatting! We talked about all sorts of things but eventually the talk turn to love. It does that a lot for me these days. At least with Mith it was about Remeil but more about how to cope with love and that the person you love might be used against you or how they cope with the things you have done or might do! I was just about to ask Mith if there had ever been anyone he thought he could have serious feelings for when he heard the door. It was Jet. He was passing through Fort Llast so called in. So there I am with two men in my bedroom! I’d been teasing Mith about taking a dip I the pool so shortly after Jet’s arrival I had a naked Mith in my pool! Mith sat enjoying the pool while Jet and I talked. I know Mith doesn’t always enjoy talking in a group and I don’t think he knows Jet well. We were discussing my clothes and attracting the attention of men which seems to be the other most popular topic at the moment! Then we heard the door again! Kai was back! He’d got my letter and come straight to see me. Sometimes wish you’d not done something?
So there I am with three men I my bedroom and one of them is naked! This fact was not lost on Kai. So Kai proceeds to declare his undying love for me again. He was less than tactful about Brit and Remiel so I had Mith mutter in elvish about what a brute he is! Quite quickly Mith got bored and decided to leave but even that caused problems as I hugged Mith and I don’t hug Kai.
Kai kept on talking and talking and talking. I tried to keep explaining that I need time and space to work out how I feel. He can’t believe I might still have feelings for Remiel and I tried to explain that love isn’t that simple! Jet started to explain love as he sees it which did give me some breathing space until Kai noticed I still wear my wedding ring. To be honest I hadn’t realised I still did. Kai asked if he could have it as he plans to replace it with a new one. Of Kai why can’t you see you are the boy who cried wolf, crying it again? I do want to believe you, I really do but everyone including you tells me you have said this all before!
Jet tried to explain that I need time to get over Remiel and Kai got quite indignant and pointed out he’d waited before so he’d wait again. He needed to leave and run some errands so I asked him if he wished a hug and he declined until such time as it means something.
So back to how this all started with one man in my bedroom, Jet. We talked and talked of many things. Eventually we ended up talking of trust and feelings. He said I made him nervous and that he’s feelings towards me are confused. He said he would need to talk to his good friend Vivian to help him understand so I suggested he did that and then speak to me again. We also discussed his oath to Vivian to protect her if she needs as she is a cleric of Ilsare who Jet also worships. The subject turned to Ozy and the fact he is teaching me of his culture. I showed Jet the formal greeting Ozy showed me although it seemed to bother Jet slightly with the licking. I was explaining why it was no inappropriate in Ozy’s culture and why. I explained that there was no lust in the lick but respect and trust this led to a discussion on lust. That was an interesting discussion to have with Jet! Jet has never been in the position where he’s feelings for another have been returned. I said that it is magical to have your lust and desire returned by another who feels the same way and deeper. Jet hopes he will find that one day. We talked a while longer and then he excused himself till another time.
-
Walked into Hlint again to wait for Elladan, got bored so went to the camp fire instead. Found Angela, Barion, Shule, Kloss and a few others there. A trip to Dregar was being planned. I remember that Elladan had said in his note that he had gone there so asked if I could go as I could meet up with hi there. As we were discussing it Elladan walked up. He had fallen on Dregar so we offered to take him back to his grave.
We went to and caught a boat to Hurm. I’m becoming quite the traveller but was happy to be part of a group. We wondered around Dregar, Elladan died again and so did Garnet. Elladan hadn’t bound at Hurm for some reason but Kloss said he’d guide him to us when Elladan landed. Barion took us to show us the rooms in the inn. One had a pool, two beds and a pool! Angela flirted with me quite badly. I blushed so much. Kloss discovered I was single and there was another who said he’d be happy to see me naked. I think I might need to talk to Ozy some more about this interest I generate as I still don’t get it. Especially as Kloss invited me to dinner.
Kloss arrived back with Elladan and we headed off to a cave. It was a good trip although we took our time and tarried much. Abi arrived towards the end which was nice so I told her Kai had been to see me. Some of us decided to return to Mistone while the others were off to another cave! Barion escorted Elladan, Angela, Abi and I back to Hurm where we caught the boat back to Lelion.
We were sat chatting by the dock while Abi recovered from the voyage as she is not keen on boats and the conversation turned to my ‘suitors’. I told the all they were being silly. We went back to Angela and Abi’s where the conversation continued. Abi thinks both Jet and Mith have some feelings for me and offered to ask them for me. I told her not to. They then spent time try to make me understand why I might attract men and it seems women. Abi asked me if Ozy had spoken to me of this and I confided he had. I also stupidly mentioned the fact Ozy thought I might had seduced Remiel by accident due to my personality and nature. What a mistake that was! Abi demanded to know what I want. Do I still want Remeil? When I said I think I do her and Elladan got so angry. I tried to explain that he might be under a Geas but I don’t think they understood. It was all getting very heated. Thankfully there was a knock on the door and when Angela and Abi didn’t return for a while I went to see what was happening. Ozy was outside and asked to speak with me. Once he had me away from them he confided he had little to say bit noticed I looked tense. Although he did tell me Aranna says hello. I explained that I think Abi is trying to get me to pick another suitor or at least get over Remeil to the point where I can if I wish. Ozy told me to slap Kai and call him a womaniser, that Jet was too young and out of them Mith was the best of the lot. He seemed to be slightly pleased (well as much as Ozy ever is) that I dismissed Kloss as simple lust. I pointed out that while I do tend to tie up lust with love it is because I wish there to be feeling when I bed someone and while it may be silly it is who I am! He made a comment that we should return before whispers reach Kea that he is courting me. I laughed and reminded him she would never believe it as she knows me. He agreed as she knows he would never touch a Celestial. I pointed out I’m not one but Ozy said that the fact I’d given birth to one was enough for him! He also said it would be cataclysmic. When I asked why he said because I would be heartbroken that he’s feelings for me wouldn’t change even after he had bedded me. I had the great pleasure of informing him he was wrong! I didn’t get chance to explain how thankfully as Brisbane appeared. Ozy asked if I wished to join them on their travels but I declined as it was late. I chatted with them for a little while and Brisbane gave me some good advice and Ozy told me to kick Kai in the groin. I excused myself and returned to Angela and Abi’s to find Abi had already retired. Elladan and I settled down to sleep on couches while Angela joined Abi.
It was nice to tell Ozy he is wrong. He has explained enough of his culture for me to know that if he did have an interest in me it would be as a plaything or a pleasant diversion. His people take what they want by being powerful and that is just not me. I’ll admit that girl he first meet would have seen things as he said but having had a few culture lessons off Ozy and lessons in love of Remiel I am wiser! Ozy taught me what these things mean to him to a very small degree so I know I would mean nothing unless I made myself mean something. Remiel taught me that men can want you and not love you but take you just the same! Not that I wish to become involved with Ozy. I think that really would make my head hurt more than Kai does! Also I value my life far too much! Never mind not having looked at him that way ever. There are men I have looked at the way before and some even recently but not Ozy although I do enjoy learning from him.
I wonder if I will ever work out how I feel and if I do and I don’t want Kai if I will lose someone I considered a good friend!
-
Well there has been an interesting turn of events! I have been told something today by someone who is close to me but asked to keep it a secret. As I fear the knowledge could be deadly in the wrong hands I daren’t even write it here. It makes me life more complicated in many ways but was also good to know.
I also have a new strategy regarding Remiel. The previous choices were a) He used me and cast me aside or b) He loves me still and is doing it to protect me. The new strategy is that it doesn’t matter which one of those it was, what matters is that he didn’t tell me. That he didn’t have the decency to tell me why. Not sure if it’ll work but it’s worth a try!
Elhara brought me some arrows I ordered which helps as I am in great needed of them. I really should start crafting more again!
-
Well I walked into Hlint and there was no one there so I thought I’d see if the lady in Karndor had any more parcels to deliver. She had once for Mo in Port Hampshire so off I set.
Got to Port Hampshire but couldn’t find Mo, then I ran into Abi who show me where to find him before she had to do some errands. I headed back towards Hlint and met Angela on the way. We got some lion skins for Abi and then carried on.
We ran into Trysk and started chatting. Elladan and Jet joined us shortly afterwards followed by Abi who had finished her errands. It became obvious after a short while that Jet was uncomfortable with either the type of conversation so I said I was hungry and asked if anyone want to walk to the inn with me. Jet volunteered but unfortunately the rest of the crew came too. I got some food and suggest to Jet we sit at a table on our own. I did this to stop Abi and Angela teasing him but also because someone had come over to talk to Abi and I thought she might need the space.
Jet and I had a nice talk and he said he was going to mine in Haven so he can make weapons to give to the Mistone Alliance War Effort. I asked if he wished company and he commented that another might be nice but not a large group. I said I could try and get away from the others and he said he would appreciate the company. I told Angela and Elladan I was helping Jet do something for the war effort as Abi was still busy and they didn’t tease!
I returned to find Jet talking to Ayla so waited until they had finished and told Jet I was ok to go with him. He went and waited outside while I changed into my armour. I met Kloss outside the inn and he asked where we were going. Jet was a little short with him and he excused himself and left.
We headed to Haven and had a good run to an iron vein. I surprised Jet with how well I can sneak. He said it was nice to have an archer for company and that we made a good team. We went to the forge and then the smithy and the back to Jet’s house where we chatted.
Well it was a strange and interesting chat. We discussed fighting, elven and human relationships, relationships and children. I think I managed to offend him but I’m not sure how so I made my excuses and left. After leaving I realised I still had Jet’s share of the gold from Haven so I’ve sent him a note apologising if I offended him and telling him I’ll put his gold in the bank until I see him.
I decided to sit under a tree and think for a while.
-
Walked towards the benches in Hlint and ran into Aries and discussed going to Port Hampshire with her but I’m afraid I only made it as far as the benches. I ran into Trysk and Talon there. Talon sold me some arrows which is handy and during our conversation I discovered that the bard who was spouting forth about Aranna is her foster brother so asked her to tell him to keep his mouth shut about my daughter as she is my business! She took it rather well and said she would speak to him. I thanked her. Trysk had some gems he needed working and asked for my help. Enzo arrived shortly followed by Rakan. It was nice to laugh and joke with Enzo while Trysk fetched his gems. Rakan asked after Aranna and did seem too confused when I tried to explain albeit briefly why she was not with me. Trysk returned and Enzo walked with us to the craft hall.
Well I have not worked that hard in a while! My muscles still ache even now! There were some gems I could not do but Enzo can so it worked out well. Trysk was kind enough to pay me coin for my help although I told him there was no need. I eventually excused my self to go and soak in my hot pool as I know my muscles will be sore on the morrow. I popped in the merchants to find Ozy trying different colours for his clothes. I offered advised and tried to not smirk too much at some of the combinations he chose. He was in a very good mood which I hadn’t experienced before but was nice. He decided to walk me home which was also nice. I enjoy Ozy’s company for all his strange ways. We talked a little on the way home and I believe his happiness comes from his feelings for Brisbane and Kea and their feelings for him. I am happy for him and told him so. He did say something very strange to me before we parted. He said “Your at the tip of my kinds isle. The shore of reality. We are more complex then greedy emotionless hedonists. Far, far more complex.” And then he bid me good night. I must ask him what he meant although I doubt he’ll tell me! I went in and had a good soak in the pool thinking of things.
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I decided to wonder round Port Hamphire rather than Hlint for a change and dicover Enzo working the forge all wrapped up in his cloak and all. He was sweating like mad and I could resist walking up and telling him I wear less when I smelt and find it helps although you then have to be careful of sparks. He though about this for a short while and excused himself a moment before coming back wear considerably less and cast a spell on himself to help against the sparks. I knew from just looking at Enzo normally and the Troll caves that he was a well toned, strong and dexterous man but sitting watching him work really brought that home to me. I just hope he didn’t notice that I wasn’t studying the metal he was working but rather him! When he had done I accompanied him to the Craft House and we began to talk of Dougal and things. Once he had finished his work we found a nice quiet bench and carried on talking further. More on Dougal, some on Aranna, Enzo told me the story of his first love and how he nearly became a vampire, my relationship with Brit, children and how I am coping with things now.
It was really nice to chat to Enzo. I always feel so comfortable when I am with him and he makes me laugh and smile with ease. At least if nothing else my friendship with Enzo is a good thing to have come out of the mess with Remiel. As with all good things they come to an end and this did as Enzo gently excused himself to go and check on his men in Rilara. I do hope I might see him again soon though.
On my way back home from Port Hampshire I met Ozy and asked him some questions that my conversation with Enzo had raised. He answered them for me as always and while he was a mouse came up with a message from Brisbane. I sen tit back telling her where I was and that I was with Ozy. She arrived shortly afterwards and left Ozy and I to finish our talk.
Brisbane and I ended up having a talk about Ozy and that I am not threat to her relationship with him. I hope I managed to put her mind at rest for I like her. She wished to ask how things were going with Kai and gave me some sound advice before an old friend of hers spotted us so I made my excuse and left them to it was I wished to rest and try and distract myself from my memories of Enzo in the forge!
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I ran into Mith on the way into Hlint and he suggested we went gem mining. I thought this was a fine idea and just before we entered Hlint he made me invisible! He said he this so that it wouldn’t take hours for us to leave Hlint. Of course having said that he then went on to spend ages in the bank and shopping but there you go.
We headed off to haven where Mith explained that he would make us both invisible again and we should creep down to nearly the bottom. It was very strange to creep so close to all the ogres and not fight them. I managed to impress Mith with my sneak much as I did Jet which was good. I sometimes worry my skill’s are not what they should be! The invisibility had worn off by the time we reached the bottom but with Mith and a golem we seemed to do fine and Mith was impressed with how well I use my bow. There was a strange sign I’d not seen before saying something about a man in a silly hat so I insisted on searching everywhere and it cost us dearly. It meant Mith had to use more spells and such on the lower level and as we tried to move up through the mine I got confused and separated from Mith and then I fell.
Mith found me on the benches in Hlint and was very relieved to see me. I told him not to blame himself but I’m not sure it worked! I decided to return home until I felt whole again and Mith decided to keep me company. We chatted much as we always do and it was pleasant. Once I felt whole again we decided a trip to the benches was called for. There were a few new people around including a druid called Hex who bit Mith in cat from which was funny and a man called Galen who I found rude. There was also a young lady whose name escapes me. Eventually as people came and went there was just Mith, myself and Galen. Galen then managed to raise my anger talking about Aranna and Mith leapt to my defence which was nice. I fear it was not actually Galen’s fault so I apologised to him but I still think he is rude in the way he speaks. I thought some time alone would do me could and went to stare into the campfire.
I have such passions and emotions swirling around inside me that I never experience before. Damn you Remiel why could you not just leave well alone? Why did you have to have your bit of fun with me and not leave the stirring of such passions to a man who would stay around to experience them? I want to be cherished and listened to, complimented and caressed but yet that is not possible right now but it does not stop me wanting it!
After a brief time at the fire I decided to walk through Hlint and ran into Jet out side the Craft Hall so gave him the coin of his I carried. He was off to the forge so I kept him company and watched him make Long swords for the Alliance. I seem to be spending a lot of time watching men work at the moment and if I’m honest Jet is not unpleasant to the eye either. We chatted for a while until I realised there was an errand I need to run and Jet had to go to his house anyway so we excused ourselves and went our ways.
-
I finished my errand and upon return to Hlint ran into Angela, Mith and shortly afterwards Abi then Jet. Angela suggested a trip to the direwood caves and by this point a man called Storold and a girl called Ferrit had also asked to come. Geir walked up and was also invited. Jet mentioned he would like to search the Burghen’s as he had heard a rumour there may be a new source of iron there. It was decided we’d do the caves and then the mountains. Somewhere along the way we picked up Kloss and Lokri and decided to do the mountains first as Mith would need to meditate shortly.
I love the mountains. I love the snow. I hate the giants and the golems but there you go. It was a funny adventure and we made it to the cave although not the one Jet was seeking and by then Mith had left us although I am sure I will see him soon. We headed down and discovered another group of adventures with seem to be full of Paladin’s of Toran. Took difficulty keeping my mouth shut I can tell you! They had cleared out the cave of anything useful so we headed back up. I was looting as usual and we got a not bad haul including a mystery rock. Once we got back to Velensk we split the loot and Jet, Angela, Abi Geir, Storod and I head to mine topaz for Abi. She kindly gave me a bow to use on the way having heard Jet ask if I might wish to buy Jharl’s old one. She told me to pay her what I though a friend should. I hope I judge this right but I plan to use it in her defence, give her any topaz or skins I gather and do not need and return to her when I get a better one. That is what I would expect had I said that to a friend. After the topaz mining Jet and I went to Port Hampshire and meant that bard Daemon in the bank. I finally managed to sort things out with him and discover who told him about Aranna and to proclaim it. Oh Mith, you once said you never wished to see my temper, silly man you are. It seems Mith and a lady called Sable had told Daemon about Aranna and to proclaim when they met him in Velensk. I will have words with Mith and not ones he will like! Jet had to meet Jharl and I need more arrows which thankfully Daemon was carrying so that was handy. I then went to the craft hall to discover the rock was a ruby! I will sell it on behalf of everyone the first chance I get. I waked back home and put it nice and safe to discover Elladan had left me a mucky rock on my bookcase so head off into Hlint to see how my luck was going. I bumped into Jet handing in weapons to the Alliance and being all excited and carried away I kissed him as I told him of the ruby. Mmmm his lips were nice and soft but still I should not have got carried away like that! Synal’dur was also there and ended up having a very strange conversation with Silool who was wishing to offer healing to the Alliance. I gently made my excuse and left before I got too drawn into a conversation. Jet had commented he needed to gather things for Jharl but would be free after that, I told him I had planned to bathe and then meditate and he was welcome to call and see if I was available when he had done if he wished.
Well my luck did not run through to the second mucky rock so I headed home to dump into Jet just off on his errand. I apologised for kissing him and explained it was because I was excited. He was understanding which I am glad off but then it was hardly the kind of kiss between lovers so that probably made it easier. We bid each other goodbye again and I headed home.
As I soaked in the pool I remembered how much I enjoyed being in the mountains. Maybe I will go there again sometimes soon. I also remembered what Daemon said about Mith. Hmmmm what to do with you my dark mage? Do I just smack your nose as I would a naughty puppy or do I ask what the plan was first? Safe to say you will see that temper of mine either way!
Then it was time to meditate and see if I can get these feelings and passions under control or if they will flare up again and cause problems.
Also considering writing to Lady Reventage to enquire if Elladan’s complaint against Remiel will lead to charges against me and what can be done to dissolve my marriage to Brit but I do not know if I am brave enoughto do that yet!
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I was doing a few things at home when there was a knock at the door. Jet had come to call. We had a pleasant chat even if I did tease him slightly and he hardly noticed. AS we were chatting the door went again. Kloss had call to visit also. So there we are all sat. Kloss was upset that he had managed to break a sword while mining and Jet kindly offered to make him another one at a very good price but Kloss had already arranged a replacement. Kloss had to nip out for a moment and while he was gone Jet decided it was time to leave. Kloss returned and we chatted for a little while before I excused myself to complete an errand.
Well I did it. I wrote to Lady Reventage and ask if there was any news of a possible adultery charge and if there is any way to dissolve my marriage, now to just wait!
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I was sat on the bench in Hlint when a dark skinned gentleman with horns began to speak to me. He was polite enough and it was pleasant conversation. Elladan arrived while we were talking and the gentleman introduced himself. He had quite a long name but said most call him Max. Elladan left on some errands and Max left slightly later. I sat alone on the bench just thinking until Mith walked up.
I asked if I could speak to him privately and we walked by the pond. I started to explain about the bard and what he had said. I didn’t listen to him I’m afraid; I let my temper get the better of me yet again and all but ignored his words. Then I bit him hard on the ear to show my displeasure. Rightfully so he informed that I was being selfish in my demands and even though I had hurt in more ways than just the bite he did not lash out back. He’s words and actions made me realise how wrong I had been and I found myself apologising yet again but this time to someone I care about! I have to sort this temper out. Mith offered to remove himself and not seek me out but I told him I did not wish that but would understand if he did! Eventually he accepted my apology but had to run an errand and said he would return to discuss my temper with me at a latter date
I returned to the benches to find Jet in discussion with Plen and a drow lady. He was discussing his training and the war again. I joined in and nearly offended him again. I really should just stop speaking I swear! Lan arrived and I swapped news with him. Plen wondered off shortly after I told Lan about Elladan’s complaint. I discussed the possible adultery charge and both Lan & Jet offered their support. Although I feel their opinions differed. Jet left and I continued to talk to Lan about things when I sensed Mith behind me so I offered to kiss his ear better. Lan asked if he should leave us alone and made some comment about loving like druids. I laughed and told Lan it was ok. We chatted a while longer and then Lan excused himself.
I went and kissed Mith’s ear and apologised again. We started to discuss things when he suggested we went to a little place he knew overlooking Haven.
When we arrived I tried to explain how my feelings a churning at the moment. How Remiel made me look at my passions and desires, to accept them. Mith was very help full and understanding as always and asked if he could help. I told him if he could stop me sleeping with anyone before this possible court thing it would help! He made some funny jokes and lifted my mood. Then he asked me what I expected to get from going to court and to be honest I couldn’t answer. I thought closure but to be honest it doesn’t matter why he ended it now just that it is over. Then Mith asked why I was keeping my promise to be faithful. He explained that as far as he can see Remiel dissolved that promise when he ended it and that I had kept my word until he had ended it. That no one could expect me to keep my word to someone who did not want me. I admitted this is true but pointed out that I did not want Remiel to be able to accuse me of breaking my word or belittle his word with my actions after it ended. This he understood We chatted for a while long before settling into a pleasant silence.
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Walked into Hlint and became involved in a discussion between Nimo and Celgar. It seemed toget quite heated but eventually it stopped when Nimo left. Celgar and I were sat on a bench when Jet and then Pendar arrived. Pendar had been trying to explain money and such to a wood elf. Celgar teased me for a while with Pendar’s held. Then Celgar suggested a trip mining and I didn’t wish to go so I excused myself. Later I was sat back at the benches and a new person was wondering about. I smiled and he came over and informed his name was Adonis. We were chatting and he asked me if I followed a god as he felt I have the spirit of Aeridinin me. I told him that I call a Paladin of Aeridin brother and this pleased him as he is a Paladin of Aeridin also. We chatted some more and a man called Jharl arrived and Galen appeared. Adonis mentioned he was trying to find a necklace for the bard in the Wild Surge inn and Jharl suggested we all help so off we went. It was a fun trip and I even got in close with my sword for a change. Jharl complimented me and told me I should attend the Arm’s. I just smiled and said I might as I didn’t fancy mentioning I was supposed to meeting Enzo there. I walked back into Hlint on my own slightly scratched up and found Ran on the benches. She was very quiet so when Jet walked up I leapt at the chance to go elsewhere and asked him to walk to the Craft Hall with me as he had some gems he didn’t need and they weigh much less once I’ve cut them. He was so sweet. He noticed I was slightly battered so I told him what I’d been up to and how it wasn’t really exciting!
I cut my gems and then asked him what he wished to do. As usual he had no idea and just shrugged and told me where ever I wished to go as Ozy has put a portal in his house. I commented that I wasn’t sure I could think of anywhere as I get so used to spending my time on the benches in Hlint. Jet commented that this is a habit we need to break. The conversation continued and I started to see a slightly different side to Jet. He flirted with my, only slightly but he did. He was telling me about a Lake he wishes to show me in Arabel when I realised I’d not eaten in quite a while! I explained that I was feeling a bit unwell as I’d forgotten to eat and needed to go do something about it. He told me he would be at home when I had thought of somewhere.
When I felt better I headed over to Jet’s. He asked me if I had thought of anywhere to travel yet and when I didn’t he invited me to set and chat instead.
We talked of his recent fight with the dragon and how I think he needs to have more faith in himself. I also commented that I think he will be saying needs to keep training for the rest of his life if he isn’t careful. He reminded me of his oath and I asked him what he would do after he had destroyed Tyde. He told me that he’d fight Blood. I asked what he’d do once Blood was gone. He said he would wish to settle down then and start a family. He admitted that he had been thinking a lot about his training and that his love life had suffered. That he didn’t have much time to spend with people. I pointed out that he spends time with me and he told me that he enjoys spending time with me. I asked him if spending time with me interfered with his training and he commented that it does sometimes but that he can make time to train but can’t always plan when I am around. He then asked me if I enjoy spending time with him which was fair I suppose! I told him I do enjoy his company and he said he was glad as he’d hate to think he’d been boring me all this time. I pointed out that he didn’t bore me and that I’d hardly spend time with him if he did. He replied that he doesn’t always talk much and I did have to admit that is hard for me sometimes. He said he would try to talk to me more and I told him he must be himself and not change on my account and he agreed with this but said he did wish that he had more to say sometimes as it would easier to make friends.
I had an idea that Jet may be developing feelings for me but this conversation really brought it home. I checked he knows I am at a difficult place right now and that I don’t ever wish to hurt him. He told me not to worry about hurting him and told him how I’d bitten Mith. That I’d lost my temper, been mean and didn’t listen. He told me it was not my fault and I was blaming myself too much for my actions and that Remiel had left me in a bad state. I pointed out that Remiel had a lot to answer for but they are my emotions and I chose to bite Mith. But that luckily he had forgiven me for it all and we had talked of my emotions and Mith had helped me understand a few things. I explained that I no longer care what Remiel says if we go to court. That it no longer matters why he wished me gone. That if I was honest the only reason it ever did matter was in case there was hope and I no longer wished there to be hope. That he could walk through Jet’s door right then, explain why he asked me to leave and tell me he still loved me and I would tell him to go. Jet told meI am a strong woman and I told him not really because I would be breaking inside but it would be the right thing to do! Jet told me that a strong person stands up for what they think is right no matter how difficult and I replied that there is hope for me yet! Jet told me there is always hope for me and as long as I let love in I will be fine. I pointed out that keeping love out may be the problem and reminded him Kai had already proposed and we discussed how that is Kai’s way. I also pointed out that there is another with feelings me also. He asked who but understood when I had sworn not to revel their identity and said he would not press the point. I realised how late it was becoming an explained I need to meditate. We said goodnight and I left.
As I walked away I could not help but think on how Jet had been. He is quiet and I’m not sure I would wish the person I share my life with to be that quiet but he did talk more and show a different side of himself today. This is not helping my confusion!
So now there are three men with feelings of one type or another towards me. I am still married and while I have accepted a great deal about my relationship with Remiel I am not completely over it either. What an earth attracts these men to me? I can not believe it is what Ozy mentioned! Well Mith is right! I need towork out my feelings first before I consider anyone else but I also need to remember that I do hold the power to hurt people in my hands and tread with care! I would never wish to play these men off against each other as I know some women do. Regardless of if I choose to be with someone or on my own I need to treat them with respect.
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Ran into Angela, Abi, Mith Jet and a few others in Hlint. Angela was suggesting a trip to Dregar. I thought it might be nice to go. Elladan walked up just as Barion was asking me about court and who had reported me. I told Barion it didn’t matter and Elladan head for potions and such. The group get growing and growing and I was getting nervous. I don’t like large groups unless I know they have good leadership and while I like Jet a lot I haven’t seen him lead! We headed to Jet’s house to use his portal and Angela decided to change her mind about going. I’m afraid I let Jet down and backed out also. I just hope he wasn’t too angry with me. I would hate that!
We decided to go to the mountains. That is Elladan, Abi, Mith, Angela, Gunter,Barion and I. It was really fun although Gunter did die which was a pity. When we got down from the mountains I realised it was time to go to that Arm’s to meet Enzo. The others tried to get me to go to Dregar but I already missed meeting Enzo once so I reminded them I had given my word. Mith was sweet and checked I had enough coin! Elladan decided to gohome so I had some company in Leilon for a short while.
I was stood outside the Arm’s just deciding if I should go in when Enzo walked up behind me and asked if I was ready. I asked him if I look ready. He looked me up and down which nearly made me blush and said I looked fine. We went in and had a drink and Enzo brought me a meal. I didn’t realise how warm it gets in the Arms and asked Enzo if he minded getting a breath of fresh air. He didn’t so we went and sat on the dock, talked and ate pie. Enzo makes lovely pie. I really enjoy talking to him. It is so free and easy. He makes me laugh and smile. He is a good friend! Eventually I realised how tired I was and excused myself. He was very sweet and didn’t mind me leaving.
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Walked into Hlint to see Angela, Abi, Trysk, Shule, and Barion by the benches. Geir joined us slightly later. Abi went into the bank shortly followed by Shule who said Abi was talking to someone very strange. Abi eventually came out and said it was to do with being a Shadow Dancer and Geir was explaining about someone he had helped head down that path. Abi said this person had told her it was not for her but she still feels it is. Others had gathered and were trying to discover what was going off so went into the Goblin Waste Lands for some peace and quiet. Other person approached Abi and this time offered to train her but Abi felt he was evil. She was talking about needing to understand balance and the others started talking of druids. I realised Abi had gone very quite so checked she actually wants to see a Druid. She decided she did so it was off to the High Forest. Not sure completely what happened after that but there was something about the temple and a necromancer. Oh and they had to call a special Druid in to help. Seems part of Abi’s heart is on the shadow plane.
We went to the Xeenite temple and again I didn’t understand it all but it seems the Necromancer was the only way so off we went to find him! He told us that it would be dangerous but he could send us to the plane in return for a magic gift. I was going to offer a wand when Geir gave Abi something.
So there we are on the Plane of Shadow. Abi could sense where the fragment of her heart was so we all followed her, fighting where we needed to. Eventually we meant a messenger of the first person who offered to teach her who explained why he had told he not to bother and that he would teacher her after all. There were also two portals, one to home and one to her heart fragment. So we all went through the red portal and fought like mad!! Eventually we were left with a box wrapped tight in shadow. I worked out we needed true love to open it but Geir really worked it out when he realised we needed everyone’s true love. I had a choice to make. Help Abi and re-live my only true love, all the love and joy I felt or have her possible fail. I opened my heart and let all the joy, love and happiness Remiel made me feel and that I felt for him pour our. The others did the same for their loves too. Eventually Abi’s heart was whole. Mine felt like it was breaking again but hers was whole and that is what matters!!
We ended up back in Prazis and the Shadow Master spoke. To be honest it was all a blur, I just concentrated on the fact Abi was whole, happy and going to get to follow her dream! That is what was important!! I was so afraid I would break down! We used Geir’s portal to get back to Hlint and I excused myself as soon as I could and ran to Jet’s house hoping he would be in as the tears fell. I so needed to shed these tears but I needed to be held by some who cares about me and Jet does and was closest.
I knocked on his door and was just about to give up and leave when it opened. I stood there, Jet asking me what was wrong looking a complete sight as a beautiful red headed elf walk towards me.
I tried to explain that I was interrupting and it honestly didn’t matter and I should leave but they wouldn’t let me. The elf introduced herself as Vivian and I was taken into the lounge. God’s I didn’t want to be there. There was such a free and easy way between them. I have no claim on Jet I know that but with the state of mind I was in it hurt anyway to see him like this. They tried to get me to talk but I don’t like telling strangers my business especially when I am that upset. I claimed it was Angela dying which had upset me so!
I know Jet told me that there is love between himself and Vivan but they are not lovers and I can only wonder why not? They seemed so good together. I kept trying to leave and they wouldn’t have it so I tried not speaking, being rude and just about anything else I could think off.
Vivian and Jet seem to think she can help in court but I don’t see it and why would I tell this woman anything about what happened? Jet may trust her but I had only just met her!
Then Jet started talking about showing us both the world and how he wished to show Vivian the Lake in Arabel also. I had thought he had meant that as something special he wished to show me because he cares for me. Obviously I have read Jet very wrong! By this point my head was spinning and I just wished to leave. They kept on and on about how Vivian could help and I know I was rude but at least she stopped! She said she should go and run some errands and Jet said he was tired so I took my opportunity and said I would leave also. Jet said he was sure we would get along better at a different time. I am so confused. Is she just a friend? Am I just a friend? What does Jet want? I thought I knew but all the emotions of helping Abi whirling around in my head confused me. I said goodbye and left. I ran into Mith and collapsed into his arms and finally let it all out. I cried and cried for the love I felt and had lost and I think I managed to let it go. Well as much as I ever will. Part of me will always love Remiel but then he was my first true love! Eventually the crying stopped and I tried to explain to Mith. He asked why I didn’t just think of Aranna as I love her truly too. I tried to explain that I couldn’t. When will they realise that I love my daughter with all my heart but she may as well be dead to me! Eventually I convince Mith I was ok and just needed to rest and he walked me home. When he left me at the door I just kind of stumbled inside to my bed and collapsed!
Today was so very hard! To think of all those things but it did me good in the long run, it really did. I have looked at the joy and happiness I felt for him and with him, really look at it and I still know it can not be. I am finally as ready as I’ll ever be to move on! Although a part of me fears I am weak and would still want him if he returned but it is a very small part now. I think it will be there until the day I fall in love with another and truly realise that I can love Remiel with a part of myself for he is and always will be my first true love and still give me heart to another! But now is not the time to give my heart to another, no not yet. Even if seeing Jet with Vivian did bring out an unexpected reaction and even if I find I enjoy spending time with Mith more and more. I need to spend sometime being me first and then I can worry about my feelings for others. Although I should always remember something Remiel did not. I hold the feelings of others in my hands and my decisions can destroy them so it is my duty to make the right decision!
-
I completed my meditations and left my bedroom to see Mith coming to check on me. Abi and Angela were waiting in the common room. That meant a great deal to me! We made ready and headed to the court to see Jacchri and his good lady waiting for us. Lan, Elladan, Enzo all arrived in short order although there was no sign of Jet. We were called inside one by one with me being last and it began.
I had thought long and hard about what to plead when they asked and I did pleaded Not Guilty.
Brit had cleared out of the house on the basis of rumour without trying to contact me so why should I not!
Of course this did fall down as a defence when I realised the only person who had been present when I discovered this was Remiel and I had not asked him to attend court.
The court asked as to the state of our marriage before I claimed Brit left and I explained I wished to leave him and why. The court also enquired as to why I didn’t apply for a divorce straight after Aranna’s birth and I pointed out I was in hiding. I explained as best I could about everything that had happened to us and how it had affected us both.
Other’s tried to help where they could although some muttering did upset the clerk rather.
Eventually we were told Remiel had already been tried and I saw a glimmer of hope. I asked if Remiel had said anything in his trail about Brit leaving as I was aware we could use it in evidence for mine to discover that he had pleaded guilty and offered no defence. So even then he managed to harm me! Ironic really. It seems that Remiel has fallen from Toran’s graces. While I did not wish this on him if his God has judged him so the he must be guilty!
The court also revealed that Brit was dead but that it was a recent thing. That shocked everyone. I already knew as Pendar had called at the house to tell me earlier as he planned to present it as evidence to the court by letter as he wouldn’t be able to me there. I suppose that should be an entry in itself but with all that was going on….
Eventually we could offer no information and a verdict was given. The clerk said…
I have no choice but to find you guilty of Adultery... however I do find that the emotional abuse you had to endure through the final days of your marriage are sufficient cause to seek separation and that he did in fact abandon you with out cause be it before or after you laid with Remiel as he’d have had no way of knowing that you did as such the court finds that you are divorced and not to be called widow to this man for your adulteration you will serve no jail time and pay no fines to the court you will each day however be charged to a local orphanage to provide are to these abandoned youths for one months time.
At that I sank slowly towards the ground. Mith caught me and lowered me gently the rest of the way. I was relieved and shocked.
They unlocked the court doors and the cleric wrote out a paper, stamped it with the seal of rofirein and handed it to me.
I decided to leave at that point!
We retired to the Wild Surge to toast freedom. There was still no sign of Jet.
Eventually people started to depart. I had a good chat to Jacchri and then went to say goodbye to Enzo.
Hmmm Enzo. Enzo gave me a very special arrow and said you might have but one shot at love again... make sure your aim it true. I replied that I would try. That seemed to please him. He also keeps call me Ms Ireth and when I told him to stop and it’s just Ireth he said I like sayin' it though... it is a reminder that your are one again. I would like to get to know Enzo much better but we will see if his duties give him the time! He left then as he had things to do........
*continued over the page*
-
I went outside to find Elladan and Mith by the well. I was just talking to them about how the trail went when Jet approached. He told me he had tried to attended but a guard would not let him. I didn't ask why he was late. I feared it would be due to training or Vivian and that would have upset me so better to not know! I told Jet the outcome and some of the details. He was happy to know it went well for me but I have noticed a lack of smiles or emotion from him since Vivian returned. Mith left on errands and Elladan went shortly afterwards.
I asked if Jet wished to go to Haven mines and he declined saying he had been far too often recently. I apologised to him for being rude to him and Vivian before and he commented that it hadn't seemed to be the best time for us to meet. I apologised in case I had offended her and he said that he doubted I had but I should apologise to her not him. I pointed out I planned to next time I saw her! I took the plunge and asked him why he was not with Vivian.
Jet being Jet missed the point completely and said because she wasn't around and he isn't with her all the time. I said I meant as a couple because they looked good together and he cares for her deeply. He replied that it had been a long road for both of them and they would never be more than just good friends. I than asked if any woman in his life would have to take second place to his oath to her. At that point I realised she had walked up. God's that woman is beginning to annoy me and I hardly know her! I apologised for my behaviour which she accepted and then she asked if I had been speaking of Jet's oath to her. When both Jet and I confirmed that I was she answered the question. She said that no woman need take second place to that oath as if that happened it would be an affront to Ilsare, and thus an affront to that oath. Oh how I wonder of that's how Jet sees it! We discussed the trial and Remiel and she seemed very well versed in what had happened. It seems the rumour mill is still working! She then asked us both to join her for food. God's how I would have preferred not to but if I wish to know Jet better I need to spend time with Vivian so…..
She sent Jet in to find a table and headed to the bank. I decided to join Jet. Vivian arrived and brought food and there we sat the three of us.
Vivian asked Jet if he had been dreaming recently and he admitted he had not been sleeping well with my trial coming up. Then Vivian commented that she guessed my sleep had been bad recently too. I gently pointed out I don't sleep as she had obviously failed to notice I'm an elf. Not sure how but….
Jet asked Vivian about her dreams and Vivian asked me in elvish if I dream in my meditations. I told her I dream of my daughter. Jet did not like us speaking in elvish and I can't really blame him, it was rude of us. We discussed Aranna slightly and then Vivian asked me in elvish what my feelings for Jet are. I told her and told her that Jet knows this also. Then they carried on talking of Vivian's dream while I tried not to look too bored. Then Pyyran came over and started talk to be honest I wasn't listening to him either! Unfortunately I had failed not to look bored and got spotted being bored too.
Vivian apologised to me and when I asked for what she commented there must be more exciting things to do than sitting in the Wild Surge Inn. I commented that I had accepted her invitation happily so…
Thankfully Acacea arrived and Pyyran left with her and Mith arrived. Of course this made Pyyran came back to ask Mith of wands. Mith asked me if I could help him with a project that I would like the outcome of but even though I'm sure it would be more interesting I was trying to make the effort with Vivian so declined and Mith left with Pyyran. Vivian of course said I shouldn't have let her keep me, Bah! I pointed out that Mith had Pyyran with him now and anyway she had invited me so it would be rude to just leave unless of course they wished me to leave. Vivian said that she didn't wish to keep me if I want to go and that was all. Jet was quite hurtfully whether he realised it or not! He said it would be rude to keep me from somewhere I'd rather be as I didn't seem interested in the conversation. God's I can't win! I don't make the effort I get it wrong, I try and make the effort I get it wrong also! I commented that I never said I wished to be else where and that it's just that I don't try and understand dreams but if they wished to discuss dreams I would happily leave them to it. Jet just informed me that he didn't know what they would end up discussing.
God's why is he suddenly so distant? He claims there is nothing but friendship between him and Vivian yet he withdraws from me and is so blunt with me as if her feelings are more important than mine. Yes he has known her long and she has helped him but I thought he cared for me also; it's what he told me himself!
Vivian asked if there was something I would rather speak of and I said I could talk for hours but it often isn't interesting or important and that I am often found on the benches in Hlint making new friends. More small talk followed with Vivian asked me in elvish if I though he was cute and I replied yes just as Synal'dur Hano'del arrived. Jet commented about us talking in elvish and Syn pointed out that Jet could always learn it in time, all he would need is a teacher. Jet commented that he wished we would let him in on our conversation Vivian told Jet that she had said he was very cute and asked if he wished to learn elvish. Syn commented that some conversations were best left among women. I told Jet I agreed with Vivian and asked if he felt better knowing and he replied yes. Vivian said she would teach him if he ever had time and I commented I'm a terrible teacher. Jet made a comment about seeing if he had time and Vivian showed him the scar on her palm and told him to go to her if he wished.
I then ended up explaining about my trial and Remiel to Syn. It was an interesting conversation after which I thanked all for a lovely time and excused myself. Jet asked if I wished him to walk me home. I exist, shock horror!! I told him he could if it was no bother. Vivian asked him to meet her at the temple if he does not return to late so I promised I wouldn't keep him as I knew now he wouldn't linger anyway knowing Vivian wanted him for something. Vivian thanked me for saying I wouldn't keep him and talking with her and then Jet and I headed off.
Jet waiting until we were outside Hlint and then asked if we had been talking about him in front of him. I told him Vivian had asked what my feelings for him are. He asked what I said although told me he'd understand if I didn't wish to tell him. I replied that I had told her what I had told him and that he was the one who had said he had confused feelings, not I. I asked if he's feels were still confused and he commented that they maybe for sometime but he is trying to work them out.
We arrived at the house and chatted of things including the future. I reminded him that Vivian was waiting and he seemed all most like he didn't wish to go but when I asked him if he'd prefer to stay he said that I had reminded him of something when I said Vivian was waiting. When I asked what he said it was in the past and a long story which he may tell me another time. We said goodnight and he returned to Vivian.
-
Mith came round today and we spent some time talking. We discussed Remiel’s judgement and Mith’s plans in regards to Remiel. I told Mith I would not see Remiel hurt or hunted unless he was hurting me or mine. Mith explained that of course I wouldn’t as I’m a nice person but it was very lucky that he isn’t!
Trysk and Ran called round so Ran could pick her dress up as the curse seems to be listed and it was nice to see her happy. They didn’t stop long as they needed to meet someone but not before Ran commented I might take comfort with Mith.
I commented to Mith that Ran seemed to think we may be a couple. I had never really thought how we may look to others before and to be honest I don’t care! Mith offered to stand further away to help people stop thinking that. I told him that I would not stop being his friend even if I don’t have deeper feelings for him and that any man I am with will have to deal with me being his friend exactly as I am now, including if others think I might be with Mith! I also told him to never change who he is or how he is with me for anyone because I will not ask of him and he said he will not.
We then laughed and joked about relationships until I told him I needed to rest. He asked me if I actually sleep and I told him that I meditated like him but had got into the habit of saying sleep as Brit hadn’t been keen on the differences between us.
Mith excused himself and I tried to rest.
I couldn't so I headed first to the Wild Surge Inn and then to plan to try and find Mith again. I actually bumped into him as I was leaving and he gave me some arrows to try as they were encanted so went off and found some Kobold's to test them on. They work really, really well. The fact I was pleased seem to pleased seemed to please him.
I talked to him while he dug clay until I realsied I was actually tired this time and once agian let to meditate!
-
I ended up in Arable today and ran into Brisbane and some others trying to find something so helped where I could until they found a strange box. I didn’t really understand but tried to helpful where I could. Syn was there and some other Toranite and between the two of then I couldn’t help but begin to mutter. Brisbane joined it at one point and the other Toranite made some comment about not judging the church on the actions a few people. I nearly laughed. Remiel was High Justicar and should have been well above reproach. As such I have no problems judging any church by his actions. What he did was wrong and his God knew that! Even before his trail but that is enough said on that matter. Brisbane offered to take me back to Hlint so we left. We got back to Rilara and I took the opportunity on the docks to talk to her of Enzo. I know they were and I hope are still very good friends but also that they were nearly much more so would not wish to upset her in anyway! She pleased I had spoken to her and said that as long as I remembered Enzo was not tactful and had a good heart I would be fine. We walked back to Port Harbour chatting and then sailed to Port Hampshire. We were just leaving Fort Hope when Jet appeared. We chatted with him and then Brisbane left him to walk me home winking as she went!
I asked if Jet wished to talk somewhere around Fort Hope or the house. Eventually I got him to decided!! We walked home not particularly talking about anything. When we got home we then had to decide where to sit. I offered Jet the choice of the common room or the study/storage room with the fire. He said I should choose and I pointed out that I prefer the cushions in the bedroom but wasn’t sure he’d feel comfortable with that. He said he was fine and we went and sat down.
Jet told me that my bedroom had a nicer touch than his and I asked him if this was by designing or by what I had decorated it with. He commented that he had little room and had a separate area to bath in. I commented I had a separate bath too and he couldn’t understand why. I pointed out the fact that I had planned to use the smaller tub for Aranna before I realised what I carried and that the house had been brought with my child in mind. I also commented that sometimes a smaller tub can be nice and he replied that as long as it got you clean…
I laughed and explained there was more to baths than getting clean! He asked what and I replied making love or just being close and loving. Jet apologised to me and when I asked why he said for bringing the conversation to the subject of lovemaking. I told him not to worry as it is a natural thing and that while I don’t always find it the easiest thing to speak of there is no shame in it. We then discussed who it is a serious act of love and not all take it as such. I commented that they probably feel they had wants and desires they need to satisfy and Jet commented life is not just about wants and desires. I countered with the fact that he was right but that they do play a part in life and he replied that they do but he tries to not let them control him. I replied that sometimes it is good to let them control you but only if the time is right and he agreed. I then went on to comment I am still troubled by my stirred up passions and emotions but seem to manage to control them. Jet commented this was good and I will be back to my normal self in no time. I could resist asking what if these passions and emotions are part of my normal self. Jet answered that he assumed my normal self had not had them stirred up and messed around as I had recently. I pointed out that my normal self had tried to ignore and deny them which Jet conceded was not a good thing either. I pointed out that while Remiel had done a good job he only had what was buried inside me already to work with and that he could not have stirred up what wasn’t there! Jet commented that he thinks everyone has that side to them that is just brought out under certain circumstances. I replied that I had not experienced it before and Remiel really enjoyed seeing my desire and passion. Jet opened and closed his mouth at that point as if he wished to speak but dare not. I asked him if he was going to say something and he told me to never mind. I reminded him that I value honesty most highly. He asked if when this was happening with Remiel did it make me happy. I thought a moment and replied that it scared me but did make me happy. He asked why it scared me and I told him it was because I had never felt it before and it was so strong, as if my veins were filled with fire! He asked if I thought I would ever feel it again or if I felt it was a one time thing. I answered that I hoped I will feel it again and this time for a man who truly appreciates it rather than just enjoying what he has achieved. He asked me to forgive him for asking but he wished to know what it feels like. I asked him if this meant he had never felt it himself and he replied no, not as I had described.
I asked him if there was anything else he wished to ask me and he said no. Then Jet said that maybe he would be lucky enough to feel as I did for Remiel. I told him he would only be lucky if the lady in question feels it back but that we often get hurt!
Then I pointed out that he never answered my question about his oath to Vivian and than Vivian did. He replied that she was right. His vow is to her and Ilsare, but to keep myself from loving another would be an affront to both. I tried to explain that wasn’t what I asked. I asked him again if a woman would be expected to take second place to that vow and he once again failed to see and said to deny love would be an affront to Ilsare. I tried again to explain that what I actually meant is would he walk away from his Lady to help Vivian if Vivian asked. He of course immediately thought I meant mortal danger and such and informed me that he would save his Lady first but obviously try and save both but obviously if Vivian’s was in mortal danger and his Lady not he would save Vivian I could have screamed by now. I tried to explain it is not all about death and that people lean on each other for support in a relationship that the need of one does not always seem important to the other but it can be ever so. Jet commented that only death is final and everything else can be worked through.
I tried to explain how I felt but think I did it badly although eventually we seemed to manage to communicate and Jet put my mind at rest regarding his oath to Vivian.
Then he showed just because he’s quiet doesn’t mean his stupid by asking me why I wished to know. I told him it was because I don't know how I feel about you and I need to understand things to help find out. He replied that the other day I told him how I felt. I pointed out that I’d said I cared for him but also had many emotions to sort out, that I don’t understand them all but I am trying to! He told me he could relate but that he had begun to think more clearly now. I told him I was happy that this is the case and he said he was glad to finally have things sorted out. He also said he was sure I’d sort my things out in time and offered to help if he could. I told him to be my friend and be honest. He told me he could do that but would do more if he could.
I asked if he realised what is happening to me and he replied that I am recovering from Remiel and have my emotions all stirred up! I pointed out I am confused for another reason and when he asked what explained that men are interested in me, some more than others and that I care for them as friends. He pointed out it is my choice and I replied that it was and I may choose none at all. He followed this saying some will be hurt and angry, I am sure, others will continue being a friend and others will fade out and others will never be forgotten. We discussed this a while further until he told me to trust my heart and trust Ilsare. I reminded him that I follow no god and will not trust in one! He said that he didn’t think he’d follow a god either or trust another living soul.
It was late by this point so he gently took his leave and I was much happier for our talk.
-
Ran into Pendar in the Seilwood caves and helped him while we had a chat which I thing will help us in the future and then we decided to walk to the Direwood caves and we ran into Agnela there who was waiting to meet someone called Ael. He seemed nice enough and we heading into the caves. Mith arrived to help as we were part way round and it was a fun time really. I decided to sit and think a while after we had done while the others went off. A while later I met up with Mith and Angela and we wnet to some ruins and Mith fell and Angela shouted at me but it all came right in the end! We then chatted for a while before all going our separate ways. I it was a very good day!
Later on I met up with Angela, Abi and Gro Sigurdson so I helped the ladies with a few things for a while before retiring.
-
Jet called by today. It was only a quick visit but he was passing through town and wanted to check if I was in. I liked that!!! He asked me if I’d been up to much so I told him about visiting the ruins with Mith and Angela. I told him Mith fell and Angela shouted at but it all turned out ok in the end and he commented that as long as I got back ok then everything was alright. I asked him what he had been doing and he said mining but with little luck. He fell quiet after this and eventually I asked him if he was just going to stare at me all night and he answered that he might. I was quite shocked to be honest but I also liked it. It gave me a warm feeling inside. I just blushes and he said it would not be right to just stare at me night. When I asked why he said that he though it might make me uncomfortable if he just looked at me all night as it often does to some people. I asked him if he wished to spend his time looking at me. God’s my heart was beating slightly faster now. He told me he could talk and look at me if I wished. I gently pointed out that he hadn’t answered my question! He replied that maybe not all his time but that it wouldn’t be a bad thing. God’s I nearly died of surprise! I had to ask him why and he replied that he had said many times that I am a beautiful woman. I just blushed some more and reminded him that I have trouble seeing that. He told me that whether or not I see it did not change it. And I said this was true but it did mean it always surprises me. I commented that Ozy thinks I need to learn to cope with it. Jet said I should but that he didn’t think I need to. I replied that I try and even manage it sometimes but not always. Jet said it is good to remain humble and I counted with Ozy’s comment that there is nothing wrong with accepting my beauty either. He replied that no there wasn’t but that sometimes people let it go to their heads and he did wish me to be one of them. That hurt me slightly and I asked if he thought I would be like that. He replied that no,he didn’t but he remembered a fear I had told him of before. I couldn’t remember and said as much and he said I had and I trust him so…. I told him I still don’t see what is beautiful even though Ozy and Elladan have tried to explain it. Jet told me there is more to beauty than appearance and I told him that is what Ozy said. He said that my personality is what truly shines through and it will age well also. Jet told me that to him combined with my physical features, it is my strength and willpower that add to my beauty as well as my intelligence. I was surprised about the comment regarding my willpower and said as much. He said I had stuck by what I believed in no matter what the cost and that is willpower. I replied that maybe it is blind stupidity but either way that is who I am. He told me he would not call it stupidity and then apologised and said he needed to dash off. I know he’d said it was a quick visit but this had left me head spinning! This was such a change from the Jet I had known so far. I know last time we had talked he said he’s feelings were now clear to him but I hadn’t realised this is what he meant. I decided to soak in the pool while I thought on what he had said. I was still getting butterflies when I thought of him telling me he could stare at me all night. I hadn’t expect to feel anything like that, well ever if I’m honest. I know everyone including Remiel told me I would get over him but it never felt like I would. By this time my head was spinning so I thought about gems instead for a while and relaxed!
-
I ran into Lan in Seilwood and we chatted about life and love for a while before I helped him get some spider silk before heading to the Wild Surge for food. We went and sat outside in the sunshine and after a while Enzo joined us. I also met a cleric of Elladan’s religion called Athus Dephillie who I must remember to tell him about! We chatted for a while until Lan then Athus excused themselves and Mith joined us. Enzo mentioned seeing Remiel with Kali and I was very surprised at how it just didn’t bother me. They are welcome to each other if that is what they wish. My life is moving on finally! Then a gentleman called Xiao Lin joined us and asked what we were discussingand we replied a fallen Paladin. Hence we started the whole Remiel, Ireth and Aranna story but he need to go before it was finished and asked if we may talk another time. I do not mind and said as such! Mith and Enzo kindly walked me home and after Mith had left Enzo was staring at me and telling me he intends to keep doing so whenever he can! I think he is interested in me also but he was nice about it so I don’t mind! I then retired for the night.
-
I walked into Hlint and saw Abi run and sit down carrying. Ayla had been found dead and now there was a plan to go and avenge her and Angela whished to go. I tried to comfort Abi as best I could and then Angela arrived. I excused myself and left them too it skirting round Hlint and heading instead for Haven although I’m not sure why. I ran into Enzo and we began chatting. Lan arrived and gave us the news of Ayla.
Enzo asked me if I whished to work some Amethyst but seemed a bit distant. I agreed to help and asked him what was wrong. He said that he couldn’t help think of death and such and how he wasn’t ready to leave this world yet. We talked a little more on it and then we reached the craft house and I set to work. I did quite well cutting them and was pleased with my work! Enzo asked me if I’d polish them for him and he collect them next time he was about. He gave me money for oil and headed off on an errand. I decided the sooner they were polished the better and was pleased to polish 12 out of 14 properly. Enzo arrived back shortly after I finished and we discussed gems and infusing. He then commented he was back off to the mine and I asked why he didn’t go somewhere else! Of course he asked me what I’d like to do and of course I didn’t know! I commented that I’d actually like a hot soak right about now but it wasn’t really a two person activity and it was only when he coughed and grinned I realised what I’d said. He suggested a walk and we headed off.
He took me to a place called Harmony Grove and we sat by a camp fire and chatted some more. He told me that one day he would have to take me to a very special forest shire and when I asked further he told me it was Longstriders and he had raised the money to build it. I commented he had left his mark on the world and then lost him to thought. Eventually I said his name hoping it would bring him back to me and it did. We then discussed his desire to have children and if it was selfish I told him it would only be selfish if it was the only reason he picked a woman or if he made the woman he picked feel pressured. He told me that he couldn’t do either of those things. He then commented he worries sometimes it will never happen. He had a laugh about his age then and it seemed to lifer his spirits slightly. He said he should just continue down the path before him and if it happens, it happens but he shouldn’t try and force it. I told him it will happen if it is meant to. He went quiet again and I asked him if he was staring at me and he asked if I was in front of him so I offered to sit behind him if it would help! He asked if it bothered me and I replied not really, it was just something I have to get used to. He told me I am a beautiful woman full if life and asked how one could not look at me. That made me blush! I told him I do not see that as others do and he told me now matter as this did not change it and I longed to say that is what Jet had said but I found myself using Ozy’s name instead. I carried on adding that Ozy says I need to come to terms with my beauty and Enzo said that everyone should accept who they are. I told that maybe he was right and he told me of course he was right, that he knows beauty when he seems it. I blushed even more then and told him I am trying. He carried on saying he wasn’t talking entirely of physical beauty and he doubted Ozy was either. I told him I knew Ozy was saying the same thing as him and he found that rather amusing. I told him Ozy had said I had beautiful soul and that it will always shine through even as my body grows old. We discussed Ozy and licking for a while then. We chatted a little while long and then I begged my leave of him and walked home.
All this talk of children had made me realise I don’t see myself bearing children for a long time, well long time to a human but not an elf. I could wait 50 years and it would be nothing but Enzo would be dead and Jet too old to become a father. I think Enzo maybe interested in knowing me as more than a friend and the same for Jet. I need to think long and hard on this issue and talk to them both about how I feel. It is important to them no doubt! My head was spinning when I arrived home but I think I have things sorted. Now just to make sure I get to talk to Enzo and Jet!
-
I ran into Abi and Angela outside Port Hampshire. Anoron and Ael arrived shortly afterwards and we decided to all go and do something. There was a slightly strained exchange between Angela and Anoron as they had been involved with each in the past and Abi decided to go craft. I thought that the atmosphere had passed as I had been trying to explain to Ael about Aranna but I fear I was wrong. We went to the Direwood caves as Abi always needs Topaz and I tried to answers Ael's questions as best I could. Eventually we fought out way round but a mage took Anoron down and he fell too fast. We came out and collapsed and waited for Anoron to return. Angela was obviously still upset by something to do with Anoron but did not wish to speak about it so keeping an eye on her I continued to explain things to Ael. Anoron arrived back to tell us he had already sneaked into the cave and visited his grave. Then a discussion began on where to go next. The boy's wished to go into the Dire woods and we did not! Eventually they headed off with out us and Angela couldn't help but wonder if Anoron had picked the Direwoods as he knew she would not go!
I asked if she had any idea what to do with my three. She asked me to tell her what I feel for them and then maybe she could help. I did my best although I'm nit sure it was very good to be honest. I think part of the reason this is so difficult is that having been quite badly bitten I am now fearful. We discussed Enzo and children and Angela had some very good advice. I have to make sure Enzo understands how I feel about children! Angela said Jet reminded her of Brit a little and likes to be in control. She also pointed out Jet wants a family too but as I said only being 20 he can afford to wait a little longer than Enzo. She said I needed to talk to him and really talk at that. I asked if it was about the control thing and she said I need to make Jet understand I don't need a Master! We then discussed the third and his problems and in a lot of ways they are less but I know we both left unsaid that the path he walks will be a problem in itself! I told her that she was right about Enzo and she commented he doesn't want to wait and she can't blame him. To be honest neither can I! She reminded me I can still be Enzo's friend and I do wish to be.
Then Angela realised she is never going to have children. It was sad for her and I really felt for her although I'm not sure I managed to convey it well. Then she commented unless something happened to her like me but that no one had better try that as she isn't as forgiving as I am. I reminded her that there was little point in being angry about what had happened to me. I think she more want to make sure I know she cares! She reminded me she still wishes to hurt the God's and Remiel for what they did to me. I tried to explain Remiel will make his own pain but she still wish to cause him some herself. I tried to explain that there is no point and we agreed to disagree!
She told me I need to find out how Mith and Jet feel. I pointed out I know how Mith feels and have done for weeks now but that he swore me to secrecy. She wondered if this was because he was afraid that Angela and Abi would find out. I said that in fact he was more worried that others who are not so nice might find out and use it against him. We discussed for a while the dark path Mith walks but how it does not make him evil. We also discussed me needing to speak to Jet before I returned home to run some errands and she went looking for Trysk!
-
Mith came to call. I must have looked slightly sad for he asked me if anything was wrong. I suppose the impending conversation with Enzo then Jet regarding my possible wish not to have children during their lifetimes for I feel it is only fair they know.
I bid Mith to come sit in the bedroom as I prefer the cushions and we began to chat. I explained about Enzo talking to me of children and my realisation of how I felt and how it may affect Enzo and slightly Jet. We then discussed the whole human/elf relationship thing. We then talked of how things might be and could be. He said many things about a relationship with him, designed to push me away. I know a relationship with him would be very hard but that doesn't mean I wouldn't cope with it. In some ways it would be easier. I would not have to risk my heart or trust. I know how he feels and that having not expecting to ever have felt that way before that he would love and cherish me. We debated if love is strength, weakness or both for a while too.
I suddenly realised what I had done to him. I asked him if he could go back and change things if he would and he told me never! I replied that I cause him pain and he answered that I had stopped him falling more to the power he desired. That he still desires power but he isn't as will to pay as he was before and certainly to not pay as much. He said that without me he doesn't know where he would be but while he'd probably be more powerful he would also likely be a tool to someone else! I told him I was glad I had stopped that but wondered what he would do if I choose another. He replied that it would be for your better to choose another over me, however much I would cherish you, I think the things you want in another will be found else where. I pointed out that wasn't what I asked and asked again what he would do. He answered me that he wouldn't feel less for you, and I'm not sure if I would be hurt or over joyed to see you with another and happy, maybe both. I asked if he would still be willing to pay less for power if I chose another and he answered that the price he would have to pay is not worth the loss, not now! I commented that it was worth the pain then. I also reminded him that no one will come between our friendship.
We then went on to discuss choices and such for a while then trips we wish to take before he needed to depart.
I decided to head out for a walk and see where I ended up. I ran into Enzo and immediately seized the moment and asked if we could go somewhere to talk. Once we'd established we need somewhere out doors, and private Enzo lead me off somewhere to sit quietly.
I just carried on seizing the moment and said that I got the feeling for our last couple of meetings that he'd like to get to know me better and possible as more than just a friend. He said he'd like to get to know me better regardless and I commented that I thought that was the case but did wonder about the other. He said he knew much of my present and recent past but little more. I told him there was little to know and he hadn't asked. He remarked he wasn't one to pry and I said I needed to explain something!
I explained how I'm not sure about children and how he has ample time to raise a family with someone who is but that if I had caught his interest he needed to know how I felt. He told me I had caught his interest but he did not know me well enough to say at what level and I told him I understood as I am in the same place myself! I explained about others being interested in me and not being sure of my choices and how I was doing my best to do justice to all by not making a competition. He understood this. He also told me that I have a strong friend in him and always will. That made me happy and I reminded him that he does in me also!
Then we chatted of my past and my family and why I left home. He is the first person to realise that I see people much as a do locks or trapped chests as puzzles to be solved. I suspect Ozy knows too but he has never said as such to me.
Then he asked how I met Elladan so I told him the story of the good natured Paladin and the impatience Scout but this eventually lead to talk of Remiel and then Kali. Enzo admitted a passing interest her but that she is not the settling kind and this lead on to talk of me settling down and he teased me so badly I tickled him so much and it was so funny. Then we started to flirt slightly and it was fun. We both know where we stand with each other and it was nice to, well interact with a man like that. We left with a hug and the idea we might meet at the Arm's later.
I ran into Enzo again later sorting things out for Bris and the Arm's later and I decided to tag along and keep him company. He showed me his house and then the craft house again. Eventually I got bored and suggested he call at my house on his way to the Arm's, I could give him the tour of my house and then we would head off. He agreed and I went home and changed. When he arrived I showed him round then we headed off to the Arm's. There was only Jharl when we arrived so we settled down for a drink. Then a man called Derrick arrived and treated us to a drink. Enzo then told me the story of his childhood and we discussed how what happens to us makes us who we are. We chatted for a while longer until I felt tired and Enzo kindly excused me. I walked home feel much more positive about things. Enzo is a good friend but I think a friend is all he will ever be. Now to talk to Jet next time I see him!
-
I decided to walk into Hlint and see if Jet was at home and found him on the benches recovering from having fallen in Haven Mines. We chatted a bit and then I asked him if we could sit by the pond and talk.
I explained how I had been Harmony Grove with Enzo where we had discussed his desire for a family and it made me think.
I explained about Aranna and how giving her up made me feel and how I’m not sure I may want children for a very long time. I went on to explain how time can mean so much to him but very little to me. He then said something really stupid. He told me that elves are lucky to live so long. I asked him if we were lucky to watch our friends die before us and pointed out everything has its ups and downs.
We then discussed relationships between humans and elves and the children which result. He was surprising sensible about it and for some reason I found this very pleasing. I didn’t realise it but I had been hoping he’d understand. We discussed death as just a part of the cycle of life and he commented he believes there is more after death. We discussed this for a short while before I pointed out that if I loved a human did he think I would never find love again that human died? Again he was very sensible and said if the man truly loved her he would wish her to find happiness again.
I told him that Angela worries about Jet’s attitude towards me and that he reminds her of Brit and that I don’t need another Master. That he may not accept me as I am. We discussed this for awhile and again he so pleased me with what he said. He accepts me for all that I am. Even how close I am to Mith.
I asked him if he was more sure of his feelings now and he said he was. I asked if he was sure enough to tell me and he said he was. I was almost holding my breath waiting for him to speak!
He told me he was feeling drawn to me as more than a friend. He said it was a warm feeling like one he had only felt for two others and that it felt a bit like love. When I question the bit part he admitted it was actually a lot. I feared again to let my heart open so I pointed out you can love someone without being in love with them. He told me this was different to any love he had felt before. He apologised and said he need to rest to restore himself and asked if we may talk later. I agreed and he left.
I sat on the bench and though on his words. He is a good man I find attractive and I feel deeply for but I am once bitten, twice shy.
Mith walked up to and sat next to me. I told him that Jet thinks he is falling in love with me and that it is different to anything he has felt before. Mith commented that I seem to bring that out in people. We discussed this for a while and I said I think I need time although that might be a lie. I can’t tell. He told me maybe it was time to stop thinking and go off what I feel. We talked a little while long and then Jet returned.
God’s what a moment that was! Mith sat next, Jet stood waiting out of respect for us. I almost felt torn between them in a sense.
Mith asked if it would take long and realises we had no idea how long he excused himself to work and left us to it.
Jet picked up from where he had been talk earlier by telling me he felt a connection between us that he had been uncertain of before but that he is now aware of what he feels. I asked him why he had been uncertain and he answered that he had only felt love for a few others and he had not known me well enough to be sure. I asked what he knew now and he replied he was sure he was feeling love. Love like he had felt for Ravenne so long ago and like he felt for Vivian one time. He explained that his love for Ravenne had turned out to be an illusion and many were hurt by it and he does not wish that to happen again. I agreed with him there! He told he wishes to spend more time with me if I am happy to so that he can ensure he is certain about his feelings and that no matter what happens he values our friendship. I told him I value it also. I reminded him I also need to sort out my feelings and he told me not to rush as there is time. I found that funny and explained Mith had said that during our talk which Jet also found slightly amusing.
I told him that he needs to spend time with my friends and me with his. He pointed out he knows most of friends and I replied that they don’t know him! He asked me who and we talked of them. He then told me he was willing to do it. To be honest I was surprised but he told me there is time for training and time for other things. I was completely shocked and asked if I am the other things. He replied that he liked to thing I am more but yes he has time for me. I told him I had never expected to hear him say that. He told me that he will face Tyde sooner or later and must be ready for that but that he does not want to live his life without others in it. He told me he thinks there are very few people who wish to live their life alone and I replied that deep down they don’t actually want to they just believe they do.
I told him he has shown me a very different side of himself recently and I would wish to see more of it. He replied that he feels at ease with me and it makes it easier to be more open.
I asked him if there was anyone other than Vivian he would wish me to spend time with and his reply stung me so. He said that there are very few he trusts as Vivian and he would not force you to spend time with any of them. I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt forced to spend time with my friends now. God’s how can this man’s simple words hurt me so sometimes? He didn’t seem to notice and went on to say there were only really Jharl and Derrick that he trusted so they would be the only ones I would need to spend time with. I was still feeling slightly hurt and now a little angry which affected how I answered him I’m sure! I told him I had asked because I wish to know his friends as he had said he will mine. Not because I would feel forced. He told me again that he would be willing to become closer to my friends and I queried the some. He pointed out I have so many friends it would be impossible to become close to all. I gently pointed out that I do have many friends because it is part of who I am! He told me he understands that. I took the opportunity to tell him I know Jharl to speak to and Derrick by sight.
My angry was starting to fade and I found myself being open with him in a manner I had not expected and I commented that I don’t know how he does this to me and that he makes me feel….I could not say more for I do not understand it and Jet just stood looking into my eyes. I quickly changed the subject and told him I do not want him to feel forced into spending time with my friends anymore than I wish to feel forced between spending time with my friends or him. He told me he doesn’t feel forced and reminded me that there are things than training for him now. I told him I never wish him to do anything he does not wish and he replied that as long as that stays he will never feel forced and just as he does not wish me to spend time with Vivian, Jharl and Derrick unless I want to. I told him that if they are important to him I can make the effort to get to know them at least and he said the same goes for my friends.
I told him that I do not understand how you make me feel yet Jet and my emotions and passions run high. He replied that he will help you as best I can to sort out your emotions no matter what becomes of them. I told him it was a nice thought but I don’t think there is much he can do! I’m not sure I was explaining it very well! I told him how I'm more trying to explain that I may not react as he would think to things. He told me again he will be fine with what ever decision I make. God’s he can be so infuriating! I told him that wasn’t what I meant and he asked what I did mean so I tried to explain!
I asked him if he noticed I got frosty after his comment about not wishing to force me to spend time with his friends. He said that he thought I drew the conclusion that he did not want to spend time with my own friends. I told him I had but I had not spoken to him of this conclusion, just reacted to it. I also told him I have discovered recently that I am a little hot blooded. All he did was raise an eyebrow so I asked if he was surprised. He said he wasn’t sure what I meant, did I mean I get angry fast or I am more passionate. I told him I am very passionate in many ways and that I like being so. He told me this was a good thing and I asked if he meant me getting angry. He replied me being passionate. I pointed out that anger is part of my passion. He said that emotions are nice to express, especially those of love and it is better to know you have made someone angry than have them be angry without you realising.
I decided to ask him an important question. I pointed out that while I have seen more of him these past few weeks I know nothing of his passions or emotions and then I asked him if from what he has seen of mine did he think he could cope with them? He told me he could cope with them and explained that he has been trained to hide his emotions but that he has been trying to let them surface. I told him it has been working and carried on with the difficult questions. I asked him if he could cope with never having children. He was in the process of answering that he’d like some but thinks he could cope without when Abi appeared as if from no where and said hello. She told me she had the armour we had spoken of so I asked if she wished to be paid now. She said some or all depending on what I have and then apologised for interrupting to Jet. He was not happy about this, I could tell and he sat very quiet. So then Abi tells him he’s not very talkative. He just sat there which I’m sure is why she teased him so more. She told me she hopes he speaks more to me than her otherwise he must be kind of boring. I did try to tell her not to be mean but it was hard not to smirk.
I asked him again if he thinks he can cope without children and he replied again that he thinks he can and he has no family legacy to pass on. I tried to make him understand that he needs to know not think but I’m not sure it worked and he said he’d make a very bad Father anyway being in danger all the time. I think it surprised him slightly when I laughed! I asked him if he thinks I will sit at home and bake and he asked me why I would do that obviously not quite getting what I meant so I reminded him I had fought in the battle against Blood’s forces at Velensk while carrying Aranna. He told me if he died in battle he would not wish to leave his children without a Father and I pointed out that it is part of life and we can not stop being who we are. He told me then that he needed to meet Derrick in Arabel to help him with something and find Jharl also. I told him I understood and I would only slow him down. He was so sweet and told me I don’t have to worry about slowing him down but he does have promises to keep! I told him I worry about all sorts and while he should keep his promises, no more dying! He told me not to worry about him for he will come back fine and I told him it was too late to stop me worry and he told me he had made too many promises to die now but that he must go. I kissed him good bye and watch him walk away. I wish I knew how I feel about him for I certainly feel something more than just friendship!
Abi appeared again and apologised for bothering me. I told her she had not bothered me and she replied that she had bothered Jet though. I reminded her that he will have to learn to cope! She said she could help but tease a bit and I just said again that he will have to learn to cope with my friends. She commented she’s not sure he can and asked if I’d tried the armour on yet as it’ll make me look like her. I told her I won’t not spend time with her to make Jet happy and she told me this was good to hear. I told her that he’ll live with or….well we both knew what I meant. She told me not to be too harsh on him as she knows she isn’t very likable to lots of people. I told her that he said he was falling in love with me. She told me she had seen that weeks ago and asked what I had said. I had to admit I had said nothing other than that I don’t know how I feel! She told me she could figure out the men around me, even Mith but that she could not figure me out! When I asked her why she said it’s because I don’t know what I want. She asked how I planned to find out what I want and I said I was out of ideas and explained I love Mith but I’m not sure I’m in love with Mith. She made a comment about it not being love at first sight and I told her that I’ve never had that; lust at first sight yes and that had been a complete disaster! She then said that they’d had love at first sight and when I asked her who she meant she told me that the men fall for me at first sight like bees to honey. Then she commented that talking of bees and indicated Mith had arrived back!
I thanked Mith for letting me speak to Jet and Abi asked him if he was listening in on girltalk. I couldn’t resist teasing slightly so told her he likes to listen. He replied that of course he does because you don’t learn things if you don’t listen. Abi agreed and said that she likes to listen too and that she’d listened in on Jet and I for a while. Mith of course asked if she’d heard anything good! I told Mith that Jet had said he was falling in love with me and wishes to spend time with me to clarify his feelings. Mith told he knew that and I asked if I was the only one not to have guessed. Abi then asked me if I don’t see how others feel about me and if I wanted her to name a few who feel like Jet. I made a comment about there being more than one! Mith replied that I had said to him about one who loves me and one who is falling in love with me. I was surprised he said this as he’d asked me to keep his feelings secret!
I asked Abi who she meant and she asked if I wouldn’t rather find out for myself. I told her I wouldn’t and she suggested I ask Mith who just looked confused. I told her I asked her and she said she wasn’t sure she remembered so I pointed out that she should tell me or not but stop teasing! She then asked Mith if she should name a few people interested in me and he replied that he didn’t care as it’s my business. He left at that pointed to get some things to give to Abi and she commented that maybe he didn’t wish to hear who was interested in me. I took the opportunity to let her know that I am aware of how Mith feels. We then discussed Mith slightly but it was nothing I had not discussed with Mith himself before to do with paths and such. Then she said that the one who’d almost got thrown out of the court room had an interest. I checked she meant Enzo and then explained that we’d spoken regarding children and while he might find me attractive still I doubt he’d consider me a soul mate now!
Mith came back and discussed making a bag with Abi. I decided to walk home while Abi said she’d head to Hampshire to craft. Mith asked Abi if he could meet her there. I suddenly realised I need to give Abi money for the armour so dived off to the bank and handed it over! We said our goodbyes and Mith walked me home, chatting.
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I spent some time talking to Mith today. We were sat in the house chatting. I have trouble understand how he can council me about my feelings for others when he feels the way he does but he is always fair, never pushes and never tries to give himself an advantage over Jet although he could if he tried! It was nice to sit and chat!
Ael called round to collect the gold I was holding for him but unfortunately couldn’t stop which was a pity as he still wishes to hear Aranna’s story.
Mith stopped for a while longer and then left to get on with some more work. It was a nice simple day!
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I ran into Abi oh the road to Hlint and ended up keeping her company on the way to her house and then going to Alya’s wake with them as I couldn’t think of a good excuse not too! Although I did see Elladan there!
I was stood trying to stay awake when Ozy came up behind me and pulled my hair muttering something about me shirking my responsibilities and dragged me off. He said I looked like I was about to fall sleep and I should do something more constructive with my time. I walked with him to Lelion as he was heading to Pranzis to meet Bris. We discussed ways to prevent pregnancy until he headed off and then I returned to the island in the lake and sat thinking. Eventually I hear voices so swam back across to discover Barion, Angela, Elladan and Abi talking. Barion was saying they should go kill things to honour Ayla. Elladan and I tried to explain this was not fitting and Abi was trying to explain revenge is not sensible either!
Eventually we separated with Abi, Angela, Elladan and I heading to Rilara to deliver letters. We also explained to Elladan how I have to make a choice at some point to either pick one of my suitors or pick neither.
We headed off and it was an easy trip. We helped the farmer with a scarecrow problem and went looking for a tower the girls had heard of. While they investigated I spoke to Elladan of Jet and Mith. He hadn’t realised I like Jet that way and I pointed out we had been spending time together. Elladan commented that he thinks Mith is a little dark for me and I suppose he has a point but he doesn’t see the happy times with Mith. I commented that maybe Mith isn’t dark when I’m around and Elladan counted with maybe he just hides it better when I’m around! Elladan said I need to let my heart decided and listen to it. Abi thinks my heart has decided already. She might be right too. God’s it scares me to even let my self feel anything about one of them like this!
I then said that if I trust my heart and this one leaves me I’ll kill him and Abi said she would help. This caused a huge row between Angela and Abi over revenge. Elladan sat talking to Abi and I to Angela and between us we got them to speak to each other but it took a long time. Angela was so surprised that I could her good advice but not solve my own problem!
Elladan and I talked as we walked home and he repeated his advice to open my heart! I told him I would and suspect I know what will happen when I do! He told me to make sure I don’t confuse affection or lust with love. I reminded him I really loved Remiel and now know the difference. Elladan told me he knows this which is why he can’t forgive Remiel. I gently reminded him I didn’t expect him to, nor had I asked him too. I told him how Enzo had seen Remiel running of with Kali and Elladan said he felt for me because it must of hurt. I told him I laughed as I think they deserve each other as I gather she isn’t the most faithful of women by all accounts. Elladan told me I never cease to amaze him and to never change.
When we arrived home Elladan joined me in my room to chat and explained I wasn’t the only one who had complicated love life! He told me how he had fallen for a woman out of his reach, really out of his reach. I thought for a moment and asked if it was Abi or Angela. He told me I know him too well and that it was Abi. We talked of wishing the best for the one you love even if it is not you for a while before he retired and I slipped into my pool to think.
Abi is right, my heart has already decided! I just need to listen. I laid there in the water and did just that.
I know who I want no matter how hard it might be. I just hope we can be happy!
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I spoke to Mith today. It was so hard to tell him I care for Jet.
I was selfish too I guess. I may not be in love with Mith but he is such a close friend I fear to lose him over things so I offered him the chance to sever his connection to me and when he refused it I made him promise to stay my friend. I’m not sure it was fair but it is done now!
He told me that I have the only part of his heart worth having and I am to keep it for him so it stays safe. I told him I would keep it with the part of my heart that belongs to him and give it back when he is ready for it.
We talked for hours and I cried lots. It hurt us both but need to be done and we went to Lars afterwards and played in the snow as good friends should. We stood together on the mountain looking out across the town and it was nice. Maybe it can work. Maybe……………
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There was a knock at the door and when I answered it Jet walked in. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him telling him what soft lips he has before kissing him again!
We then discussed the fact that I have worked my feelings out and kissed some more! He was as happy as I am. God’s the future seems so full of possibility for me now! He is a good man and he set’s my heart racing! Hmmmmm and his lips are so very soft. I could kiss them for hours! Itwas good to talk of my feelings with him especially when he was holding me in his arms. I hope he realises I am not an easy woman to get on with although he has the advantage over many!
God’s I am truly so happy. He is quiet and not one to show his emotions I’ll admit but he has made so much more of an effort recently and been very honest and open with me. I must try to remember that he is a more private person than I.
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I ran into Jet and a friend of his in Fort Llast and asked them if they wished to head to Hampshire where I was hoping to meet up with Angela unfortunately he’s friend had errands to run so let us in Fort Hope. I felt so nervous as we approached Hampshire. I wasn’t quite sure who would be there and how to let them know I am now Jet’s. Hmmmmm I like the sound of that. Of being Jet’s. Not in an ownership type way but in giving myself to him and only him in all ways!
We walked up to find Angela, Abi, Trysk, Barion, Gro and a few others. Angela, Abi, Trysk and Trysk started to work it out the minute they saw us! I slipped my hand into Jet’s and he grasped firmly. The rest were so happy for us I could tell. It felt so very right and good. When he took my hand so firmly in mine my heart swelled with my love for him. God’s I can’t help but fear slightly but I will not judge him by Brit or Remiel, it would be unfair!
We stood discussing what to do and decided on Dregar so it was sailing to Leion to Abi and Angela’s to use the portal.
We arrived in Pranzis and started to look for a bindstone and the first place we saw was a Temple of Toran and everyone refused to enter to bind there! We all looked and managed to find a nice neutral bindstone to use but I was so touched that my friends felt this way.
We headed out into Dregar to go to the Silver mine. We fought our way to Saudiria and Trysk handed me a necklace and told me it was for protection and Jet told Trysk that he could handle that. It made me feel so special. Not just the words but the knowledge that he meant it and meant it out of his love for me. I am so happy.
We went into the cave and the plan that had been suggested earlier seemed to disintegrate. I got hit by a fire and felt myself slipping away when I saw Trysk heading towards me with a potion and Jet stepping to protect us both while Trysk healed me but Jet fell doing it! God’s that was hard. He stepped up to keep me safe and I watched him die for it. Trysk was so sweet and made sure I knew what Jet had done.
We carried on fighting down and all I could think about is when I could make it back to the bindstone to see Jet so imagine my surprise when he walked up to me in a corridor. I told him he had saved me and he reminded me that he’d said he wouldn’t let me die. God’s I felt like my heart was about to burst! Jet said he needed to leave the mine but the others where not keen as Skarp had managed to wonder off. Jet was sure he could make it on his own but I wasn’t about to let him! He was so sweet and didn’t want me to risk myself, this from the man who had just died for me! I told him would could make it together and we headed off. It was a mad run past the ones at the entrance and then we were set upon just as we got outside! I thought we were done for but Jet dispatched them with my support. God’s but he does look good in battle. There is just something about him fighting that makes me get goosebumps and tingle!
We walked to Saudiria and the rest caught up with us shortly. Jet decided to camp by the oasis and as much as I hated to leave his side it made sense for me to return to Fort Llast. Not everyone was doing but Trysk kind said he’d walk me home. When we got to Port Hampshire I sent him on his way as I knew I could make it home alone from there and I bet he wished to get back to Ran!
I slipped into the house and got ready to meditate, it came easily and my dreams were happy and filled with Jet!
-
Well I ran into Angela and Mith at Velensk. Mith did not look good, I was so worried. I know it was hard on him when I picked Jet, ever so hard but after the talk and trip to Lar I hadn’t been expecting this! He told me he’d managed to see Aranna for a short time, something to do with the plane of Mechanus and Bao'Almira. It seemed my dark mage had decided to find my daughter for me and met the Soul Mother for his trouble!
We had a long stressful talk. I tried to get through to him, it make him understand he would do himself more harm by denying his feelings but I’m not sure it worked! I was open and honest, more so than even before! I know I am being selfish in some ways but I would have gone mad over Remeil without Mith. Yes my other friends helped also but Mith was the driving force in keeping me together. I told him I would be there for him! That I would help and support him if he lets me. He reminded me that I have his heart and I told him I will keep it very safe for him! We talked and talked for a while longer. We then walked home and he helped me organise my chests, this seemed to sooth him although the sight of him in some of my clothes did little to sooth me!
-
I decided to head out to Dregar to find Jet; I’m missing him so it makes sense!
I found him near to Pranizis and explained we need to be careful of Mith’s feelings, he understood. We met a mage called Arctos and did some giant killing with him before having a look around Pranzis. Apart for the Temple of Toran it is such a beautiful city! We walked around hand in hand and I felt so good!
We went and looked at what houses are for sale. Jet commented that he was sure we could afford one in time and I blushes and asked if he wishes to live with me and he said he was sure he will have decided that by the time we could afford one!
We then met Mith. He was looking so much better, I was relieved! Jet remembered that he needs to meet someone at the Hotel, something to do with the Tyde thing I’m sure! He gently took his leave and head off.
Mith and I walked and talked and ran into Ozy. He gave me a message from Aranna about Mith’s trip to the Plane and suggested that it wasn’t repeated. I chatted with Ozy a while longer and then he left. I wondered off to look at something and when I found Jet and Mith talking. We decided to get to the inn and sit and talk. It was a little strained but everyone seemed to cope and eventually Jet and I decided to retire for the night.
I was nervous about sharing a room with him for the first time and excited too. I know he is not one to move quickly and I respect that but I do desire him rather a lot too!
We got into the room and Jet took off his armour and I had to explain I don’t tend to wear anything under mine and not having expected to stop over hadn't brought anything to wear instead, not that I sleep in anything anyway! He told me if that was how I was comfortab He was so sweet when I was getting out of my armour and tried very hard not to look at me. I could resists tell him that he would have to look one dayle it was fine by him! I bet it was too. We both slipped into bed and said our goodnights. He then slipped an arm around me and fell asleep holding me close. I lay just enjoying him holding me for a while before I meditated. I never thought I’d be happy like this again and for all he is a quiet man his actions speak volumes to me!
-
I ran into Abi, Angela, Mith, Thais and a few others in Hlint. We all had a nice chat although I’m still not keen on Thais she was nice and asked me how I am faring. Then we baited a Toran paladin well basically because we can! Angela got bored first and left but Abi, Mith and I stuck it out for a while longer!
We decided to head off to Dregar which I’ll be honest I was happy to do in case I ran into Jet again. It had been hard to leave his arms before but we can not spend all our time together and it was nice to spend time with Abi, Angela and Mith too.
Off we set adventuring and I fell as did Mith. We joined the other too and visited our graves so all was well. Then it was time to move onwards towards the desert!
We were fighting our way in when Abi fell! I’d tried to heal her but was not fast enough. Angela sat and cradled her body. I was about to try and explain that it was just a shell now and her spirit would already be at the Bindstone when I felt a sharp pain in my back and realised that I was back at the Bindstone with Abi.
We began to walk through Pranzis together to find Angela and Mith when I saw Jet. I was happy and concerned all at the same time. Happy that Jet was there and concerned that he would be upset at me for falling. So there are five of us are in Pranzis.
Jet was obviously upset to see me in that state and somewhere along the line things got said. A huge argument then broke out between me, Jet, Angela and Abi. It was horrible. I was trying to get Jet to explain what he’d meant but no one seemed to care, apart from Mith strangely enough! Eventually Jet and Abi really had a go at each other. I just walked away.
I give up! Why is it I can never seem to have life easy? I find Jet, realise how I feel about him and my friends don’t like him! Well I can’t live my life for them! Eventually Jet walked up and told me he was going back to Pranzis and I could go with him or my friends. Well that hurt! I tried to spend sometime explaining why the girls had reacted the way they did although I’m not sure I managed it. Eventually the girls walked past us and we carried on talking some more. Jet told me he loved me which was lovely and we returned to the Hotel in Pranzis and fell asleep in each others arms but I couldn’t help feeling it was just the beginning!
I wonder if I will have to choose Jet over my friends. I don’t wish too but I want to be happy and God’s this man makes me happy!
-
I had a terrible talk with Angela and Abi to start with today. We talked of what happened with Jet and how Abi can not stand to be near him. Abi was angry for Mith too. God’s I don’t know what they want from me. I thought at one point they were going to ask me to choose but tit didn’t come to that. Abi has said she will try and do her best with Jet but that just involves not fighting him really. I said I’d talk to Jet about doing the same. The good thing to come out of is that by the time we’d done it had actually strengthened our friendship. I’ve never had a sister but if I had I’m sure I’d feel about her as I do these two women! Eventually they need to leave and feeling drained I stayed a while. I suddenly realised Mith was there and we sat and talked.
He told me the girls have to get used to the fact I have made a choice and if it is what makes me happy then they should cope with it! I apologised for any hurt I may have caused him and he told me not to worry as he respected my choice and knows what it means. That there will be times I pick Jet over everyone else and that it needs to be that way too. He said he also knows I will be there for him if he calls on me which meant a lot!
-
I’ve just realised how much time has passed since I wrote in my diary, so much has happened. I need to find the time more often to write again!
Jet
Mmmmmm. Our relationship goes from strength to strength. He is not the most demonstrative of partners but he does show his love in little ways, always taking my hand firmly if I slip mine in his, kisses and such. We finally made love and it was wonderful! I did not think I would feel such passion again but I was wrong! We have out ups and downs as any couple does but he spends his nights with me in Fort Llast and that makes me very happy! Now it is just a matter of time and seeing where the wind takes us. I know he has his training and Tyde to deal with but he is living and enjoying life with me so maybe once Tyde is dealt with we can make more plans. We’d both like a house in Pranzis but it will take time to save!
I love his smile, I love the way his arms feel around me, I love his touch, and I love the things he says to me when we are alone. I even love how he worries about me not that I’d ever admit it! It is nice to explore with him and he is a fine warrior.
Mith
Well it was hard but we seemed to have found our balance again! I hope it is an honest balance and not just a front he puts on! We have had some good times and I hope they continue. Mith thinks I can learn magic and is setting about teaching me. He has given me a spell book and some scrolls to study and try to copy. I can sort of read them and I do try to study!
Abi and Angela
Well it is hard in some ways. It often feels as if Jet is and invisible force between us even if he is not there but other times we are just sisters. We have been adventuring more and it has been good!
Brisbane
I’ve been spending time with Brisbane on and off and I really do like and respect this woman. She is fast becoming a firm friend!
Generally
Well I’ve been spending more time on Dregar for a while where I kept falling but enjoyed the adventure none the less. Seem to be back to Mistone more now!
I’m sure I’ve missed lots but………..
-
I saw Remiel today in Hlint. We walked into each other so had to speak. He asked how I was and I him. It was a very strange conversation. He told me he cares and that threw me slightly but I will pay it no mind! He didn’t want me and I am over him!
I went to the Dragon Isles later with Abi, Angela, Elladan, Thais, Amarath and Barion. There were mushrooms spores and they confused me. I killed Thais by accident in my confusion. I was so shocked. I worry that it is my dislike of Thais which made it easier for the spell to work. I’ve killed people before but normally because they are trying to kill me. I had to leave especially as Amarath did not take it well and I would have argued with him. Elladan kindly took me home. I lay on the bed until Jet came in. He held me in his arms while I told him of my day and he comforted me. For a man who does not talk much the words he chose were exactly the right ones! I cried when he was sleeping and could not rest.
-
I still could not shake the feeling that it is somehow my fault about Thais. I know it was the mushroom truly but deep down I know I dislike her also. I spoke to Mith and Abi of it and they helped. Mith gave me some herbs to help me meditate and to be honest I left them all and went to rest. I felt much better for it!
When I had finished resting I seemed to awake to all sorts of visitors. Talon dropped by with a delivery. Elladan returned from somewhere having fallen for me to discover it was the Dragon Isles. Jet arrived home from somewhere and then Angela & Abi arrived. They wanted to take Elaldan back to where he fell but I was not keen on returning. What happened if the mushrooms affected me again and I killed one of them. Jet was sweet and just pointed out he wears plate and he would keep me safe anyway. He could always pick me up and carry me off if I was confused and trying to hurt someone I cared for! Angela and Abi just seemed to make jokes about it as if they didn’t realise it upset me. I was not keen on going back but for Elladan…..
We got to Velensk and ran into an old room mate of Abi’s. Angela and Abi were still making quite mean jokes and I was not happy! Jet noticed this and decided we were leaving. I doubt this pleased the girls but I did not care! On our way home I thanked him and he simply said that I had not seemed comfortable and he would not have me be uncomfortable. Gods I love him. We soaked in the pool and he rubbed my shoulders before bed. A night in his arms is always good for what ails me!
-
It has been a long while since I have written here; my life has been changing….
I live with Jet now; our relationship goes from strength to strength. I could write pages and pages on how happy he makes me, how good our relationship, my hopes for the future and how much I love him, but I won’t although I will say that marriage and children does now factor as being possible in our future.
Elladan has moved to Jet’s also as I am hoping to sell the Fort Llast house. He too has found love with the Lady Brisbane who is also a friend of mine.
I have become a friend to Rolf also. He is a good man and has always been kind enough to help me with advice even as far back as my relationship with Brit but now I often help him gather for his crafting and enjoy the chats we have.
I met a Cleric of Ilsare called Vestlyn. That has been an interesting friendship as he developed feelings for me and seemed to have problems coping with them. I am worried about him though for I have not seen him for a long time.
Mith has little time for me now and is becoming more distant. It was to be expected I suppose but it still pains me. I know he has his own path to walk and that his feelings for me won’t help him on that. It is selfish of me to expect us to continue being as close as we once were but I do some miss talking with him or just going for a walk.
Enzo and I are good friends too. I sometimes help him gather and often watch him cook. I find it relaxing and sometimes there is even pie!
Abi and Angela still go from strength to strength in their relationship and although we don’t always have much time to adventure together I know should I need them, they will be there for me.
I have seen more of Aranna while helping Ozy defeat a Shadow Demon although that story is for another entry I think, it do it justice.
I continue to make new friends around Hlint. Addison, Tori, and many others.
I also starting to be employed by people for my ‘scouting’ talents. Xiao and Cole being two who have employed me recently.
Well there is much more I could write but a hot bath and bed are calling so I will leave it all for another time….
-
Helping Ozy…..
It started with a vision, shown to me by my daughter, a shadow figure she can not scry, creeping across the roof of a tower, a ring burning brightly on his hand. It was for Ozy to solve or so my little girl told me. I made sure I told him and he asked me to find the tower. That was nice and simple as it was Morkens and one day I ended up there with Ozy as he spoke to Morken. It seems there once was a planer portal which was controled with a ring. The portal was too powerful and was destroyed but of course there was the ring, and the plans…..
Morken had the plans and the Djin had the plans but a shadow demon had stolen the ring from Morken’ds hand as he slept and we fear for the plans…
I called Aranna for aid and she gave me a ring to wear which would help guide us to the Djin of Fire. Off Ozy and I set, travelling far and wide, chatting as we went of life and love until the ring showed me way and we were in the kingdom of the Djin of fire. He assured us that he had his piece of the plan in a safe place and I knew it had been stolen. I bite my tongue, letting Ozy’s sliver one charm the Djin for we needed his help, not to perish due to my smart comments, eventually the Djin told us of his sister, the Djin of air and where to find her that we may see if hers too had been stolen and gave us the box that had held his piece. I managed to open he box for Ozy and he found a note to the Fire Djin that he had obviously never read from his sister the Djin of water about the shadow demon and her concerns. We though that the Air Djin might be somewhere near North Point on Dregar so off we went to look around and investigate. We went to the inn and discovered that the Shadow demon had been in, bragging of his conquest over a lady. We knew that we were on the right track. We investigated further and decided we may need more help for this one. Ozy sent a call out to his allies. I knew this may involve Remiel and it may involve me travelling with him for many days. I am just glad that I had chance to speak of it to Jet before we all met again.
A group of us meet in Willows Weep to try and reach the Air Djin..Tak, Rhizome, Alantha, Jet, me and of course Ozy (my memory may be hazy there could others) and off we set. Again it was not easy, Jet fell but thankfully Tak raised him. Eventually we came across the Lady Air Djin, once again Ozy worked his charm. She gave us rings to show the other Djin, told us the location of her sister the Djin of water and offered us aid when the time came. Off we set again to find the third Djin, battling once again until we reached her. Thankfully the ring we had been given saved us and once again Ozy’s charm worked. The location of the last Djin and help when the time was right. Finally the last Djin, earth. Again another battle but this time the Djin was injured…seriously. Thankfully Rhizome tapped into the earth and helped him. Again help offered. Now all we needed was to face the demon himself. Aranna gave us a clue how to defeat him…I suspected from her clues that we would have to look at the darkness in ourselves. This sacred me as my hate for Remiel is the only darkness I can think of and if I could get past that I would have done already.
The time came and our group set off once again…
Enzo, Plen, Rhizome, Alantha, me, Ozy (again, maybe more) headed for the abyss…the demon’s home. We fought out way to the portal and then through the Abyss, it’s a terrible place…that is all I can really say. We reached his hide out and the Djin awaited us. We spoke to them a while and all of a sudden the Djin of air swooped down say I was too young to fight this battle and dumped me in Arabel. The rest fought on and I was right, they did need to face the darkness inside themselves, in fact you could almost say the shadow demon was Ozy’s darkness…..
-
Friends….
Rolf
We enjoy each others company, have an easy way with each and compliment each other in a fight.
Cole
What started off as a ‘business’ has become a friendship. I love his straight forward way. There seem to be no secrets with Cole, oh I’m sure he has his own secrets but he says what he thinks with me.
Mith
I still have yet to see him to spend time with, I hope this will change soon
Family…
Jet
He is my love, we have our ups and downs but they are minor.
Elladan
His relationship goes from strength to strength with Brisbane and he is the happiest I have seen him in a long time.
Brisbane
She always seems to known what ails my spirit and the best way to deal with it, I am so happy she has found happiness with my brother.
-
Once again it has been too long…
I became involved in a job to deliver some packages, it went badly, we are still in the process of trying to sort that out….
The Lighthouse in Hampshire was failing, I was lucky enough to help fix it with a group of others.
Brisbane’s Mother was dying and called for her. Some of us went with here including her Father Rhizome. It turned out there was a ritual that turned the Swamp of Reawakening into what it is…Brisbane of course wished to correct this. I was honoured to aid her in this, truly. I’m not sure what help I was other than simply to support her but she did such a good job of working everything out I am so proud of her. She managed to change part of the swamp through the ritual, life has returned to it once more. She planted trees and bushes to thank all those who helped…Mine is a cherry tree. Bris is now High Druid of Talimar and she is so worthy of this task.
I have travelled to the T’oleflor lands with many others and saw the Silver vein be handed to Rhizome. He will become the new Hierophant. I argued with Michaelis afterwards but we spoke a few days later and I was surprised by him.
Friends…..
Rhizome
He is an interesting man but I am not sure what to make of him. He has offered me friendship and has listened to me when I have needed it
Mith
Well he could have hurt me more with words but it would have taken effort. I don’t know what is happening here.
Geir
We talk from time to time. I enjoy his company.
Family
Jet
He supports me so in some ways and we argue so in others. I know I cause it also. I hope our love is strong enough. I wish children now and he doesn’t, I’m not sure he trusts me….without trust, there is nothing.
Brisbane and Elladan
They have a child! A daughter, I am so happy for them!! They go from strength to strength still.
-
Well it started with a trip to the Rift…One I will never forget. I fell and was raised by a strange Halfling who told me we were marked to ‘feed’ him. I returned to the group who seemed to be arguing about what they had actually seen when I heard the Halflings voice in my head, he spoke to inspire fear, it worked. I think many in the group doubted me, I cared not….
It seemed some of the group managed to aggravate the Halfling and an elemental appeared, killing me and others…Eventually people saw sense and we left.
Upon returning home I spoke at length to Jet….It is obvious that our feelings are changing. I love him dearly but I wonder if we are in love with each other any more…Our goals, our desires are different, we hardly spend anytime together, he supports me still and I him but there is a change in us…We will talk some more I am sure.
I seem to be helping Toranites left right and centre. I met and spoke to for many hours a Paladin by the name of Geldar. He is fresh out of training and full of Toran’s fire. I spoke of the fallen Toranite and how the world holds many dangers for all, including the faithful, it seemed to make him realise what stands in front of him and almost deepen his faith…I do not claim to understand. I also met Dulan, a cleric of Toran…He was judging someone purely on his appearance, I explained to him we should judge by actions not appearance, he seemed to understand this and even taken it to heart….I, one a Coranthite Cleric called Toran’s bane trying to guide a Toranite, enough to make any laugh but if it helps then it is all for the better….We must work together to defeat Blood....
The Halfling attacked again, I can think of no other word for it. I was not alone in this…He attacked Angela, Matilda and Acacea also. He made me fear he would take Jet from me, well with the things I suspect about Jet and I already, it was an effective threat, I fell apart…I hope we can solve this soon, for the sakes of all.
I have a new friend, AnnaLee. It’s strange really; she is a bard, an innocent thing in may ways. Remiel seems quite taken with her, so I was kind of surprised she would have anything to do with me but it seems he has not a bad word to say of me…None to say to me either but that is hardly a surprise. She is trying to help me deal with the Halfling, it is kind of her…
-
Jet…..
A quiet, tall, strong handsome man…
In fact the last type of man I ever expected to be attracted to never mind love…..
But yet we sat and talked, long and often. I would often joke that you would talk only to me for you would hardly say a word when we were out in the world.
You showed me an honest and true love and in time I returned it.
Looking back now I can see the many differences which we tried to over come….and we did over come for a time….a very, very happy time on the whole and a part of my life I would never change.
I feel we drift apart as lovers but closer as friends…A true friendship borne out of knowledge and understanding.
I just hope that if we are to truly end as lovers…and I think we are that we always manage to retain the deep respect, caring and understanding we have for each other….
-
The Rift again, I fell again, this time the bindstone brought me back.….
Ael asked to speak to me afterwards as there was bad blood between us he wished to clear. AnnaLee decided to explore a little while we chatted. Ael and I had a good discussion. He apologised and I accept, AnnaLee returned and then it happened…
The Halfling again, this time he attacked Ael. I tried to help him, to tell him it was lies and the Halfling turned his attention to me. He told me he had Aranna, I would not believe it. He killed me, I don’t know how, and then suddenly I was back. Sahala appeared, I’m not sure how. She had been in the void and had heard Aranna as well as the Halfling speak. I still doubted.
A few days later I was in Hlint speaking to AnnaLee after I had overheard Kea warn Ozy that Aranna truly was in danger and that the first horse was free…..The Halfling attacked again. He showed me a vision of Aranna bound with her wings clipped….Then he attacked AnnaLee….He told me to touch her or he would, I fear it a trick and wouldn’t….He killed her, but then brought her back……Next I felt a pain like he was tearing himself from my mind and the words in my head “You are Fear’s rider Lady Ireth, bear your burden well” I thought little of it right then, worrying more for Lee when a black horse appeared and…well….walked into me. Gods I felt fear, almost constant Fear…It was wearing…
More information was discovered by many…The Halfling was in fact Elezandor, true guardian of Pandemonium, he had been bound by Kora and he had 5 horses…
Fear is already abroad in the land, I am his rider….I feel almost constant fear unless by dark beauty is with me…
Who the other riders will be only time will tell…What will need to be done will only become known in time also.
Oh and it seems Ozy has decided that I was picked to ride Fear because I am weak willed and gullible…..He was spouting forth such in Hlint but Elladan was there and as always defended my honour…Reminding Ozy I faced Dougal without fear….Ozy of course tried to say I had in fact cowered in fear before Dougal but Elladan called him a liar to his face and Ozy departed.
I know not why Ozy felt the need to say such things about me…Nor do I truly care his reasons…Obviously I am no longer useful to him…
-
More riders have been picked…..
Lee rides Denial…
I’m not sure exactly what happened but I feel for her greatly but she has Remiel to support her at least. Let us hope it is as he claims, simply as a friend as she is vulnerable right now.
I spoke to Geldar at length….about the fact I think Jet and I are ending, about the horses, about my life…well only a little about my life. He is a good listener and his advice is helpful.
Mith….Broken promises…Is there much more to say? The one who has been the main stay in my life is now the main stay in an others and it seems he is unable to do anything other than concentrate on one so I get the promises, the talks of how he will always be there for me and how I must not shut him out while his actions abandon me. I have not told him of Jet and the problems. Maybe he is moving on finally and as much as it will pain me to lose one of my closest friends I will not throw oil on the water so to speak but the trust is failing…It has too, I can’t keep listen to him and then have him leave me high and dry when I need him…I will act as if he has already gone and maybe it will hurt less. I though I had my friend back after his absence of many years, seem the gods were just teasing me really.
I still feel the fear, it is constant…I try not to talk about it much….
Lee is interacting with Denial….Maybe I should try it with Fear….of course that is a hard choice to make….because I’m so afraid!
I try to find out more information, I try to help…Not sure I am…
More Riders have been picked…Rhynn rides Anger…..Dorena rides Defiance.
Aranna is still held….I have contacted Michaelis for his help. He is speaking to the Church on my behalf. He has been really supportive, well as supportive as he can through letters.
I also contact Rhizome in case Maurelle has any news of Aranna or can get us to Celestia as if we get there we can check if Aranna is truly held and what is happening to the plane.
Jet and I are over…..We finally admitted it to each other. I am sad but I understand it is what is best for both of us…He is going to clear the training room so I may have my own bedroom as he does not wish for me to move. Nor does he wish his pendant back…He is going to set it in the pommel of my rapier…I will move the pommel from sword to sword so I may have a constant reminder of our friendship.
Sometimes I feel so alone with this fear…
-
Friends…
Mith
Well……It hurts….Not that he has found someone, that actually makes me happy…but that he does not keep his word to me or even seem to realise I exist anymore…That he tells me he is there for him and I must not shut him out yet he fails to notice how badly this is effecting me…I suppose I’m just being selfish…I need to forget about his words to me and just let him concentrate on this chance he has.
Michaelis
Still works with me…Supporting me through his letters.
Lee
We seem to be forming a friendship although I am not sure.
Geldar
He always seeks me out if he sees me in Hlint, even if it is for a few simple words as he is off somewhere. He takes the time to ask me how I am. He is a sweet gentle man which a quiet dedication to Toran.
-
I’ve had an idea….Maybe as Fear is bound to me I should bind back to Fear….I found a quiet spot and focused my will on the bond between, try to strengthen it.
It worked! But there is a price…Presently I feel an almost constant but most manageable fear…When I reach out for Fear and feel him then all fear is gone from me, I am as I was before the bond…If I reach out and do not feel him…Well the fear I feel is almost unmanageable. It’s a price I am will to pay for functioning normally some of the time. It take a lot of energy, emotional energy to do this…I feel myself sort of disconnecting from those around me. As if I only have the energy for Fear.
Elladan is the only one who knows what I am trying and while he is worried he is supporting me. I don’t lie to the others, just dodge their questions. They obviously have realised that something is going on.
I think Geldar might have guessed a little of it…He came across me in Hlint when I was in the grips of not being able to feel Fear and sat with me and kept me company for a while, until another asked him for his help. It is part of his code to help others and while I could see he wished to help me I told him that I was fine and he should go.
Ael came and found me one day and we had a very good chat. Sahala seems to be missing. While I really am not fussed with her I could see Ael’s pain and worry and felt for him. I hope she returns to him soon.
I tried something one day…I tried to get to Celestia…I had a plan and I think it worked. It drew Lee and Rhynn too me and we all went…We saw Aranna in Pandemonium and then we were in Celestia where Lake Tarn looks to be poisoned. I did this because I had feared Aranna killed by Kora.
Rhizome has spoken to some of the Riders and those helping us, he gave them news of Aranna…..I was glad for the news but a little surprised also. I had both written and contacted him via plants as he once told me and heard nothing.
More and more information is gathered from different places…Both Lee and Rhynn are doing a very good job of that. I don’t feel I do anything…
Michaelis has put a guard on the cave with the portal in Rodlem to stop people’s greed aggravating Kora further. Amazing really that this man I once could not stand to speak to has become not only an ally but a friend….That while others who have claimed friendship with me for maybe 10 years now ignore me and do not even realise my pain, he does. He works hard ‘behind the scenes’ to aid me and his letters are always so thoughtfully written. Such an irony that right now the two people other than Elladan providing me with support are both Toranites.
I will continue to try and understand all the threads of this to see if we can weave the tapestry needed to free Elenador and Aranna…
-
So much has happened….So long since I’ve written….
Bris called for help to find Dzeneb’s phylactery and many answered her called…We were successful in the end but it took both great muscle and wits to find it.
The horses….Well various clues to various people and eventually it was worked out. Kora was the granddaughter of Tik and Elezandor. We found an amulet they had given her that allowed her to move to the plane of Pandemonium and Celestia. It was realised we could use this to bind her. We travelled to Pandemonium….Many friends answered my call to help. I felt truly honoured to have these people at my side. The ritual to bind Kora to the amulet was completed and we fought our way to where she was holding Aranna and Elezandor. The horses passed back to Elezandor strengthening him but Kora killed Aranna before my eyes. I was broken until Elezandor lifted Aranna up and we realised we were in Celestia. He bathed her in the lake and suddenly Tik appeared, well a younger version of her and Aranna was stood their, without wings and a teenager. It seems that Aranna had carried Tik’s soul inside her. I didn’t claim to understand. I just knew I had my daughter back and could get to know her again!
Relationships….
Geldar
Well he had been a tower of strength to me, especially when I could not feel my connection to Fear. I didn’t realise how I felt for him until I had a vision, he saw it too and we now know it was showing us that Aranna carried Tik’s soul but at the time we did not understand. I collapsed after it and when I came round he was kneeling over me praying. He was so happy I was alive as he had feared me dead. We stood looking at each other, discussing things but there was something in the air still and I found myself leaning forward and brushing his lips with mine. Oh time seemed to stand still after that…He just looked at me for what felt like forever…I nearly ran, instead I apologised…It was as if my words had broken a spell and he kissed me, with such passion! We went and talked. He admitted he had been growing closer to me. I explained I was afraid my feelings were not quite my own due to my bond with Fear…He told me he understood and that he was here for me. He promised me that he was mine until I wanted him no longer.
We spent hours talking and cuddling. We spoke of many, many things…His code, my life…Just quietly getting to know each other more and when I returned from Pandemonium, knowing the connection to Fear was broken he asked me if I still wanted him. The look of joy on his face when I told yes, I loved him made my heart leap. He again, promised me he was mine and only mine for as long as I want him. I smiled and promised him the same. We continued to get to know each other and just spend time with each other.
Michaelis
Our friendship is deepening. I call him ‘Uncle Mic’ to tease him as he made a life oath to protect Aranna. I remind him he is family now! He was worried he would not be able to protect her and save her from Kora with me but I think I managed to help him understand he will be able to do what is needed. It was strange to be supporting him in this way but he really has earnt my respect and I respect him. I even follow his leadership but then I have a better understanding of the need for leadership than I ever have and Mic is a very good leader.
Mith
This are strained but we are still friends.
Lee
Our friendship moves from strength to strength.
-
He proposed! It scared the life out of me.
We’d been mining with someone and to cut a long story short I had a jealous moment…the first one I’ve had with Geldar. He got very serious and asked if I’d excuse him for a while. Well the minutes seemed like hours…
Eventually he fetched me and took me behind the craft house, which is where we first kissed. I was so nervous….He got down on one knee and said…
“Ireth, I love you with all my heart, you have become an isle of warmth in a cold world and the light of my life… Know that I am a paladin of Toran and thus cannot give myself wholly to you, but what is mine to give you shall have… *pulling forth a little black box and hands it to her* I humbly ask for your hand *looking into her eyes* Ireth will you marry me? It is a ring that has been in my family for generations... I know it is not much but it means a lot to me...”
I could only say what was in my heart…I could only say yes. I realised just how much I loved this man, how much we compliment each other, how well matched we are, how we support each other.
We wondered through Hlint for a while sharing the good news before returning to Jet’s for the night…I decided then that I should move back to Fort Llast and offer Geldar a key to the house.
I think there are very few moments in my life that have made me happier. I am happy to give myself completely to this man…no doubts!
-
How I have changed….I look back and remember the time I would have nothing to do with any of Toran, even before Remiel. But now….
I have always respected Syn, as a person he has always been a friend but I was not thinking what made him who he is. He is a paladin of Toran, his code runs through him, Geldar has taught me that. To respect and care for Syn I was, without realising it, respecting his code.
Quantum also earned my respect and friendship and as a Cleric of Toran he too is defined by his passion for his god, again something I did not see before Geldar.
Michaelis also earnt my respect with his actions and his quiet determination. I find myself becoming his friend, healing him in battle and worrying for him as I do Syn and Quantum.
Geldar…..well if you would have told me I would a love Toranite Paladin much less agree to marry one years ago I would have laughed. But I love him beyond belief and to love him I love all that he is. He has taught me what his code means to him, that it is not simply rules to live by but instead how he lives. I never wish to compromise his code in anyway for that would be to compromise his very being…
Remiel made me despise Toran. I could not understand how Remiel could do what he did and not fall sooner…I have always been an impatient women but fall he did and it did not change my feelings for Toran. I refused healing from his paladins and clerics and would not be raised by them and that too has changed.
I have a new found respect for Toran. I have learnt I can not judge all by Remiel’s actions, nor can I judge a god by one of his paladins.
I have worked with the church to protect Celestia and my daughter; I have seen the honour and truth within it.
I am willing to be married by a Cleric of Toran, binding myself by Toran’s laws. I thought I simply did this to please Geldar but when Mith spoke to me of there being no need to marry with laws at all I realised it is actually what I wish. After Brit I feared to be bound by the laws of man, a fear that showed itself to me when I was with Jet but that fear is gone. I can respect what Toran stands for having had these people come into my life and truly show me his worth and I will stand proudly by Geldar’s side and swear my oaths in the eyes of Toran knowing that truth, honour and loyalty are things I share with Toran and as such I should never fear being bound by his laws, especially to the man I love, with who I share such a passion for life, who’s passion for Toran and myself knows no boundaries.
*laughs softly to herself as she sets her quill aside a moment, before continuing to scribe*
Oh how I have changed, how I have taken what life has dealt out and learnt, grown and I hope, done good…..
-
He doesn’t wish to be a Father yet….I want nature to take its course and bless us if that is what is meant to be…
It nearly broke us…I never thought anything would ever come close…
It took me back to the arguments with Jet…
It’s not that I could not see Geldar’s points it’s just I started to feel so controlled…As if I had no choice…
He asked me to trust him…To give him some time…I so didn’t want too but this man means so much to me that to lose him over time, which I have so much of is just silly.
He gave me his word…I pray for both our sakes he keeps it…
-
You could feel it in the air…feel it coming… We heard that Blood was making a final push… Some went to fight Blood himself, some went to protect Pranzis, and some to protect the Great Oak… Geldar went to guard Pranzis and the Temple…I understood that and did not blame him…I went to protect the Great Oak… *laughs softly and mutters about Bris and others telling her she should become a Ranger* We split into two groups… Bris would lead the main force to smash their way through Bloods army from the rear to meet the small force Rhiz would take to stand at the oak. I went with Rhiz…Addison and some others I did not know went also. Elladan of course was at Bris’s side. We fought hard but we knew that it was nothing compared to what the others faced. We managed to talk and joke between attacks…Addison suggested gold tulips for the wedding flowers. Rhiz received news that Pranzis had fallen and I feared for Geldar but tried to put it to the back of my mind and just keep hacking at what attacked us. We could tell that Bris’s force was growing closer and closer to us…The battles got harder and harder and then they drove the last pieces of Bloods forces onto and we fought them from both sides and then Ozlo appeared…the great golden dragon who called us to fight Blood. It was a hard battle and Ozlo fell…It was heart wrenching to see but the Oak was safe and the consequences if had be reached were too dire to consider. We received word that Blood had fallen…two out of the three groups had been successful! Rhiz took everyone to see the Great Oak and we received necklaces as a thank you, among other things they allow the wearer to come close to the Great Oak much as a Ranger or Druid can without risking death and also to take others. I also received a Fey ring which increases some of my ‘interesting’ talents. Once the celebration was finished I just longed to be home and see Geldar…I headed back with great haste.
-
He feels he failed…He feels responsible…It pains me to see the haunted look in his eyes…I know nothing I can say will make it go away.
He is withdrawing from me…He can not explain exactly what he feels…
He feels he has not been concentrating on his duties properly…He said some hurtful things but I know he did not mean them to be so…
He feels he needs to seek his own personal redemption…He is going to volunteer for extra Temple duties…
I want to beg him not to, I want to beg him to stay but I promised him I would do my best to never make him choose between Toran and me…I meant it!
It would do nothing but drive us apart anyway…I can not solve this for him…Only he can…
He has said he will return when he can…He says he still loves me with all his heart and he is still mine…
I knew I could never truly be first…Now is the time to see if I can cope with it…
I love him so much and it hurts so to see that look in his eyes…
I will be strong and cope until he has found what he seeks!
I just pray he finds it sooner rather than later…
-
He has been gone a long time now….He makes it back every few months for a night or day…I can’t decided if that helps or makes it worse! I crave his arms around me, his soft words but then he is gone again. I can never tell how he fares… I try to keep busy…distract myself…Should be easy…Syn needs my help…there is a prophecy… I will help him, he is my friend…we travel soon. I just hope it takes my mind off how cold and empty our bed is these days, how quiet the house is… The prophecy is curious… When the weapon is released... the dark gods will rise and war will tear the surface.. From the rubble will arise a faithful of Toran and a child of blue fire I’m sure Baraeon Ca'Duz is one of the dark gods and Syn is the faithful of Toran.. Exactly what this all means will become clear but the important thing is that Syn has my blade, my bow and my brain…