The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Eorendil on April 14, 2006, 12:32:49 PM
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Its been some months since I arrived here in Hlint and I will try to do that time justice, even though I begin these journals far later than I should have. To start.. my life must have been far more sheltered than I suspected. While I knew of Blood and his generals it seems that calamity has a target and that target's name is Hlint. I've not seen such a humble place so wrought with trouble from demons to criminals, monstrous hordes to the holy and unholy. It has me quite perplexed but I suspect that much of it has to do with the dragon... Yes.. everyone here has been summoned by a dragon because they are special.. or a hero... In this place my skills are meager but they grow every day. I am overwhelmed with the scope and breadth of the peril our world is in.. unsure that my contribution may make a difference... I digress.. Much of the reason I believe Hlint to be a target is because of all these heroes being summoned or gathered in one location.. There are even... Pyrtechon followers in our midst.. I would have thought the dragon that summoned us might have been, in some fashion, connected to Rofirein but I can not see him ever bringing a follower of Pyrtechon... *lots of scratches on the paper* I have a few people of my faith here... Shae and Jenarra are also warriors blessed by Rofirein. Meth is the only one of the Clergy I have seen besides those within the temple in Valensk. I'm feeling a bit disconnected from the church here. Many times I do not see others of the faith for days or weeks on end unless I venture to Valensk. That is most troubling. But, I continue to carry out my duty, protecting and defending those that have need of me. I carry, always, my great hammer with its dedication to Rofirein inscribed on both heads. Though.. I see the looks of my fellows. It is almost doctrine that those carrying out his work use swords.. often referred to as the claw, of Rofirein. Sometimes I wonder; what purpose I am to serve? The vision I had that led me to using my hammer and Rofirein's blessing me with the abilities of his holy order of warriors is curious. My faith is unwavering. Still... I am moved to research and pray for answers.. Were there any others in his service so blessed that held such a devotion that set them apart from his other followers? I do not know. I hope that, in time, Rofirein will grant me the wisdom to answer this question for myself so that I may serve him even better. It was a welcome surprise to see the clergy's stunned looks when I returned with my vision and demonstrated the abilities of a freshly anointed paladin. I will never forget that day. The honor filled me with such courage and sureness I thought I would burst. I have seen a great many people.. a man with wings.. the legendary Ozymandius... It is truly overwhelming. I even had a bit of a verbal tussle with him though it did not amount to much more than a slap. As I walked through Hlint I overheard him saying something to the effect that the dragons and their gods had once ruled over Layonara like Tyrants and that if Blood left we might see their return and the return of slavery to the races.. I mistook this as a statement that he believed Rofirein's followers were duped somehow but he asked me what I believed and I told him that I believed in Order, in Protecting the Innocent, the truth of my word and Justice... He merely smiled and said that I was no dupe. A great number of things happened that day and much of the rest escapes me. Dalia was there... Oh, now there is a shining example of a Toranite. Her compassion and wisdom shine through where others seem to pale. I have met several Toranites from this land and few are better than automatons that wander about thrashing anything alien and spouting the word of Toran from a dead tongue. Dalia is different. She has experienced a great deal of pain in her life and she has learned from it. I hope that she continues to honor me with her presence in the future just as Miss Lee has.. AnnaLee... Never have I come to know a more vibrant, caring and trustworthy creature. She wears her heart on her sleeve. A fact that, I'm afraid, may cause her hurt in these parts. Many of those that wander this path just aren't worthy of the devotion and warmth that I'm sure she is capable of. It was not long ago that she told me she was leaving for the Forrest of Myst.. the grief on her face was apparent. Fortunately, she has returned but I haven't the chance to speak with her on any topic. I swear, by Rofirein's CLAW! Should anyone cause this wonderful creature harm I will not allow them to forget their transgressions. On the topic of Transgressions I had the opportunity to assist in the apprehension of a wicked man a few months ago. A crude devil he was.. Rollie, a very pleasant and benevolent fellow attempted to speak with him... but so far past redemption was this monster that he openly laughed when he admitted the atrocities that he had visited on people. I'm not sure who took the first strike but he fell and was dead quite fast. Proof of his death was returned to the Mistone Ministry of Justice.. It was on that trip I met Honora, a half orc lady with a very impressive code of honor.. A few weeks ago I aided in the defense of Hlint against a horde of creatures: Ogres, kobolds, gnolls and more. My new hammer, fashioned by the Raven Trading Company and engraved with Rofirein's symbol helped hold the line that day. It was an amazing battle. The markings of Rofirein were left, embedded into many of the creatures.. a sign to all of the justice that awaits such wickedness. I would rather leave that sign on the tactician's forehead. though. How anyone can tolerate a philandering general is beyond me. The man we had to seek out and return to Spellguard in order to confront the hordes was in Valensk... SHOPPING.. I've since come to know that that word means that he was looking for women to seduce and pull into his bed. The man has no honor as he even seduced the wife of Salles.. the barkeep in the Inn in Port Hampshire. I swore to Salles and this.. Lolpan *ugly face drawn here* that he was lucky we needed him so... Of course, Salles' wife is equally responsible but this man obviously had no interest in whether the women he chased were oathed to another or not. His crime is doubly wicked. A flagrant disregard for the oaths of marriage... repeatedly. I'm curious just how many he has done this to... perhaps I should pursue it... It was right after that that a Demon.. some Kea.. showed up in town. I hear tale she is Ozymandius' fiancée.. Who knows? It wouldn't surprise me. The reaction of some of the other so-called heroes disgusts me. A demon.. guardian of a plane.. shows up in town and they try and challenge her? In response she released a Bator in town and they're all very lucky no innocents got hurt. Reckless.. just reckless, which brings me to another problem... back to Toranites. Maev and a fellow Toranite claimed that the demon's showing must be fate and that they were sworn destroy it.. Foolish. They said it was fate. I'll tell you a thing or two about fate. Even I believe in fate.. but they speak of it as if the tides of fate determine the every move of a fly.. not to mention Toran's divine blessings and how he would not put them in a place to fight evil if they were not supposed to... Blind fools. They lack judgment. Even I know that Rofirein has blessed me with my abilities because he calls me to a higher purpose but were I to act foolishly he would not intervene on my behalf. It is not a god's way. Foolishness carves its own price.. Good judgment and wisdom in pursuing the will of the one you follow will always win out over thoughtless actions in their name. It burns my blood simply thinking of it but they are entitled to their opinion, as I am mine. I have faith that Rofirein will let me know if he feels I am wrong.
I’ve been thinking.. there is a treatise on the Claw of Rofirein…. Perhaps with meditation I could reflect and draw inspiration for the Tail as well.. for more and more lately that is how I view my weapon, blunt and brutal sometimes but swift and great. I shall ponder on it more later.. Again I digress.. it seems that many of Blood's generals are worn down.. but there is something else dark and sinister creeping about these days and I've heard references to a Halfling and his horses but all of those whom I have approached seem unable or unwilling to share information and I know that Miss Lee and Lady Ireth are somehow involved... By the CLAW! I'm disturbed. I don't know what's worse.. not knowing or a bunch of elite snobs that feel this is theirs to burden alone. I swore to help protect this place and its people and I'm going to do just that, even if I have to knock this hammer aside a few heads! What’s more I refuse to allow these two outstanding individuals come to no good end... My rounds in keeping the accursed crypts free of roaming undead shall just have to wait....
- Caighd Brendimeere
May his wings shelter and keep you, his eye watch over you, his claw strike down the wicked and his tail protect you from harm.
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Well.. I have found out from Miss Rhynn, recently, what this whole ordeal is about and I offered myself to aid Miss Lee and her troup in any way possible. I'm afraid, though, that she was very focused on the task at hand. I offer my counsel and my ear, my hammer and my life in service to protect the innocent. In this case, these fine people and the strange horses that are now bound to their souls. I know they appreciate the offer but I am, yet again, left feeling somewhat useless. I could not go with them on their planar travels as I would have only been a burden... I hope Rofirein's eye is watchin over them as they journey.
Miss Lee is a sharp one.. wish I were half as gifted as she. This blasted treatise I'm working on is still floating around in my head. I'm sure Miss Lee could put it to words but I don't think she can reach into my skull. It will take me time.
More on fate.. Maev and her friend still go on about fate and how it rules and determins everyone's lives.. When I was speaking with Rhynn I had an insight into my thoughts on Fate.. I have refined it a bit more since then. Darn fools and fate.. it astounds me.
Fate is like a mining pick. It hews large, rough pieces from the stone of.. well, everything. It does not take interest in details. I speculate that sometimes this is why a greater tyrant replaces lesser tyrants if dethroned... Just an idea. It is up to individuals, good or bad.. deific or mortal to take up the gem cutter's chisel and carve out the details for in those details is where an individual's life is decided, not in the greater cut. Furthermore, there is only true failure if the individual refuses to take up that chisel and relies completely in the greater cut. We are not helpless puppets. I chose Rofirein and in return, for his own reasons, he chose me. I shall serve him to the best of my ability because I believe.
-Caighd Brendimeere
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Oh, how things go so wrong sometimes...
In an effort to assist the Hearth brothers and Johan the crafts master I have shown my own weakness. As we gathered pelts we ran across Miss Lee and Mith in the High Forrest. One of the two asked us what we were there for and I spoke of Bears and Johan's need. I knew it would pain my dear friend but I found I could not swallow the words before they left my mouth... I simply could not. I wish I could have for My dearest friend's heart sinks, I know.
She, herself, has told me that this is the natural order of things... Living and dying... and I know not to take too much from nature. Even in nature there are laws... much like those of the Lord Protector.
She had entered the Sielwood caves with me earlier in the day and I simply could not ask any more of her but Mith... I see his true nature now and it saddens me. Though it is obvious his love for Miss Lee is strong it can not excuse the rest. He seeks to protect her and I have respect for that. Regardless, words were exchanged and the anger in Mith's voice was apparent as soon as Miss Lee winced in hearing our intentions. He might as well have been threatening us... and as I tried to reason with him, assuring him that none of the creature would be wasted, since I planned to donate the meat and other products to the Freelancer for their drive, he said three words... three words that drive in me such anger as can not be described. "I don't care" Never will you hear me issue such a base and disgusting phrase. Law and protection are always balanced with mercy and compassion. I DON'T CARE! *circled several times and underlined* This is the phrase issued by tyrants and cutthroats, mercenaries and deviants. People hunger and people die because someone simply does not care. Hearts are twisted and minds worn away under the empty power of those three words that I simply can not tolerate.
So, I am both ashamed at my display and deeply saddened for I can not bring myself to seek out my dear friend Lee and apologize. I do not wish to see that dark creature again... He is a selfish creature, save perhaps when it comes to Miss Lee but even there I can not be for certain and any assistance he might ever lend me I can no longer conscience because I know it would only be for Miss Lee's benefit. For her sake I shall hold my tongue. She loves that creature and hers is a heart that has seen much pain. I will not bring more upon her with my words and since I can not be trusted to bite my own tongue I must make certain I am never given the chance. I'm so sorry Miss Lee... so terribly sorry... *large, bucket-sized tears stain the page* I wish you love and happiness...
So enraged was I at myself and Mith's words that on my way from the forest I swung my hammer in a wide arch... and left its imprint on a tree. Some justice... I have used my hammer in vain and gone against my oath but I guess a kind of justice was served for the forest claimed me that day, not once but twice. I feel... lessened, like a part of me is missing. In meditation I searched my thoughts and feelings but could not put my finger on it. There is an emptiness... small, but its there. And strangely... I dreamt... dreamt of walking the streets of Hlint as a young child. Very strange indeed, almost as strange as my lack of appetite....
I beg your forgiveness Lord Protector...
*written innumerable times in the margins, at the head and the foot of the page* I'm sorry Miss Lee
//A few things I failed to mention about Caighd in his character submission: 1) He has a monstrous appetite because his metabolism is so high. He could sit next to a half giant or an ogre and almost eat them under table... 2) He's not just truthful... he's compulsively honest, to a fault. He can not lie or even withhold the truth. 3) ... well... we'll let that be a surprise.
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I wake up in the morning and the only thing that brings focus to my thoughts are my exercises.. my weapon training. That, and the thought of battle... When not fighting I feel somehow empty but when I am fighting a frightening anger fills that void. I have found myself, occasionally, continuing my assault even when my enemy no longer moves. And in the back of my mind all I hear is,
"I don't care."
I could speak with Miss Lee but I fear she would wish me to make a sort of peace with Mith as well. It can't happen. I could not trust that anything he says wasn't simply for Miss Lee's benefit. I will not cause my dear friend harm.
"I don't care"
Ketilbjorn came and enlisted me into a small band of adventurers.. a halfing, myself, Keti, Tegan and a man named Remi or some such... and some man with a malicious and annoying sense of humor. I really wished to have my hand around his throat, Rofirein save me...
"I don't care"
We marched from Hlint, deep through the Sielwood and, before I realized it, Remi and Keti lead us straight through the center of the Broken Forest.. I'm not sure how I could have mistaken our direction or where we were but, once again, the forest claimed me.
"I don't care"
The waters of the fishing pond in Hlint are so peaceful. I like to practice there. Occasionally I peer over at the man I see in the calm waters and he stares back at me. Who is he, I wonder....
"I don't care"
Lord Protector give me strength.
"I don't care"
-Caighd
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Its been over a month... I've spent countless hours in meditation attempting to make peace with that part of me and those three words but I can not abide them... They are a poison, often a lie told in an attempt to avoid something that is painfull. However, I am much calmer now and my shame is lessened.
A couple weeks ago I ran into Miss Lee while walking through Hlint and took the opportunity to apologize. Her heart does her great service, forgiving and calling a man friend who very nearly threatened her loved one. She understood and it was all I could do to hold back the tears that sprung from my heart.
Today, as I passed through town I saw a small crowd gathered by the road and as I approached I recognized Miss Lee, Jennara and one other lady.. Jenerra beckoned me to come sit. She was telling the tragic story of the people's of Roldem. Lord help them all. Were it not for Lady Jennara's works they might all be forgotten and swept beneath the rug in their time of need.
Jennara has set up a drive for donation of items and supplies for the people of Roldem so that their suffering may be lessened while they rebuild. The numbers of items that she seeks is no small thing and I fear it may be too much even for the heroes gathered in this place but I continue to gather what I can for her cause. To her credit she has already amassed considerable amounts of supplies. I want to do more, though. My crafting skills are weak and I was no more than an apprentice in my father's blacksmith shop. Jennera spoke of reclaiming the farmland. Now, that's a job for me. I've no fear of hard labor, breaking rocks, tilling the earth.. It strengthens the spirit. Perhaps I can be of some help to the people in that regard.. or, atleast, I hope I might be. I shall speak more to Jennara...
It seems that no day in Hlint is complete without some amount of tragedy. Miss Lee's love, Mith, returned from another mission. He and others have destroyed a blood pool, but at a price. Many have lost a part of themselve, falling in battle so close to it. Mith is counted among them and his spirit grows tired because between the pools and the soulmother he has only a tenuous sliver securing him to this world. Worse yet, in speaking with him I have learned he is without faith and believes that, were he to die, his spirit would be cast into the void. So.. I made my peace with him in a way. Despite our differences I would lay down my life to keep him from jeopardy. The pain his passing would cause Miss Lee I can not even begin to imagine. I pray that The Lord's wings shelter and protect him and Miss Lee...
Strangely.. Miss Lee has seemed unusual as of late; not in a bad way. There's something different about her; something that is very familiar to me. It floats in the back of my mind and occasionally my thoughts drift to my own mother but why they would do that I have no idea... I'm glad she's acquired a taste for Rhubarb pie though. A man could fuel a battle on a good bit of Rhubarb pie, though a tall glass of milk goes a long way in washing it down. Oh, and chips... chips and fish. I'd hold back blood himself for fresh chips and fish.
I'm hungry. I wonder what the kitchen at the Surge has prepared today. I could eat griffon.
-Caighd
*scratched at the bottom of the page, erased many times and rewritten*
The tail of a dragon.. When defending a dragon's tail is always in motion, much like the style of fighting I use when wielding my hammer. Never do I allow it to stop. It circles and swings, dips, connects with the foe and continues on always attempting to keep the force it holds in motion. A dragon's tail.... nearly always in motion... protection for its back and other weapons.. a weapon in its own rite....
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Where to begin.... its been a while...
Those poor folks in Roldem. I'm afraid Miss Jennara is very sad. The alliance has pulled their support of her relief actions and as people go about their lives she dedicates almost every waking moment to the cause. Supplies continue to come in but usually only in small amounts. I only wish I could do more... My own crafting skills are meager but I will lend my time and my back in hard work and devotion at a moment's notice. I have pledged as much to both Miss Lee and Miss Jennara but they need so much more. If we are to ship in the relief supplies we will need people guarding every step of the road to Roldem... Our brothers and sisters in faith should step up to this task and I intend to ask Geldar as well. Our two faiths work so closely in so many things, surely they will be willing.. and perhaps the followers of Aeridin... We need strong, trustworthy people. There are many items that will surely tempt those of lesser resolve...
So many tragedies... There is a price on my head, set by a man i know only as Christian. He is a noble of Fort Hope, or so i have been led to believe and at his request many of us came together. After listening to the man it seemed that his request for assistance in winning the Lady Sussanah's hand was neither noble or honorable. Geldar, I and others agreed that it seemed like he was after something besides the lady's love or her money.. several times his tongue slipped, revealing what I think to be contempt for her. When we questioned him he became agitated and dropped a pouch of coin. Caldir, a hooded dark elf, scooped up the purse.
After traveling to Port Hampshire we tracked down Lady Susannah. There's such a lot of us that Miss Lee and a few others decided to see her audience rather than intimidate her or her family. Seems that Sussanah is being made to marry by her father but he allowed her to choose tasks for her suitors... What a troublesome arrangement.. but it has keep them at bay thus far. She's really in love with a man named Stuart. He has no noble ties and thus her father wishes nothing to do with him but she sent us after him. He lives in Fort Hope too.
When we arrived he threatened us but Caldir had long since disappeared with the coin. He wanted the coin or the three objects Lady Sussanah requested and when we refused he rode off. Absurd.. he claimed we had a contract because that thieving little dark elf scooped up his coin.
We went to the Inn in an attempt to find Stuart. Everyone was trying to talk at once.. Rhynn and half a dozen others it seemed, offering money to the Inn keeper... It was more than I could take. Truth is not something to be purchased with coin. So, I stepped outside and after a time Geldar stepped out. I'm not sure what he was looking for but I followed him. Christian has told us to watch our backs and I took his threat to heart, pairing up with Geldar and watching for something as we wandered the streets. It was as we neared the tents that we were fired on. We were able to spot our assailant and we tried to run the man down but he disappeared between two other tents. So, we returned to the Inn and I resumed my post outside but not long after Geldar left I was pierced by a poison bolt. I made my assailant, silhoueted on a nearby hill. It was all I could do to stumble inside before I fell to the floor.
After a time, I can't say how long, my thoughts cleared and I awoke to Rhynn, Miss Lee and several others standing over me. The bolt was out of my chest and the poison waning. I still felt weak and with Geldar and Miss Lee's help I stumbled into an inn room, stripped the plate armor off and colapsed on a bed that was far too small.... it didn't matter.
When I came to I guess this Stuart fellow was in the tavern. We were worried that Christian might take after him too so I took a seat close to the door and kept a close watch on things. From there I do not know what happened but that Geldar said he agreed to meet us at the far corner of the pond in ten minutes. Several times on our way were were attacked by more assassins and as we waited there at the pond I saw a dark figure casting not far away. Miss Lee and another were closer to the figure than I so I ran as hard as I could, knowing that they were in danger. I got a good enough look. It was a female dark elf.. but that's all I got as I was engulfed with darkness.. stabbing pain struck me in the throat and the world fell away.
Some time after that I awoke. Alleina pulled me back from death... After I fell the dark elf must have left having lost the element of surprise. While Geldar and the others spoke with Stuart of what we should do I meditated and worked to regain my strength. We were ambushed several more times as we made our way to Port Hampshire but when we got there the Savannah's father had left..
I'm tired. Hope Miss Lee and Jenarra know they can count on me... Miss Rhynn and Treana too.. had a nice talk with Treana about faith and destiny and such. It was real nice to talk to someone who thinks for themselves..
There's more.. I just need a bit of rest now
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Bear with me.. for I've waited too long to write within these pages and catching up past events is difficult. Even now the details blur somewhat... as memories are want to do.
We waited for Sussanah's father to return home... goblins slaughtered... ogres scared from the grey peaks... people, literally scared to death by some unknown assailant and a mysterious grave marker that Miss Lee and Miss Rhynn touched. It made them feel sorrow and betrayal... From the Quartermaster, whos has a somewhat odd fascination with grave markers we learned that this marker was placed where it is now, some fifty years ago. It was reused.. I can not imagine why nor can I understand it.. seems such an irreverant action to take the stone from another's grave.
Both Miss Rhynn and Miss Lee have copies of the inscription, as far as we've been able to discern it.. L.A.P.A.T.... I think.. and there's a poem. At Elladan's suggestion I took Miss Lee to both the Rofirein temple in Velensk and The Citadel in Pranzis to research and see if the stone was moved from somewhere else. The scribes are very thorough in its records and while I could research it myself I feel Miss Lee's talent for finding things among piles of books and parchment is far greater than mine will ever be. I'm just a protector.
I must remember to apologize to Master Shale next time I see him.. there's a lady cleric of Mist that joined us. She seemed quite keen on telling Geldar and I how we are supposed to act as paladins and I fear my comments to her might have been insulting to Master Shale. While I would rather her tongue be stilled permanently I am afraid she might be right.. to a point. Unable to see Miss Lee because Miss Rhynn shrouded her from sight I rushed ahead, following the one called Coin who insisted the party that ventured into the Grey Peaks was in dire trouble.. The lady cleric and Miss Lee were attacked by a vicious skeleton.. stronger than those of the Hlint Crypts. From here on the coaxing and encouragements of others to rush to the rescue shall fall on deaf ears so long as I have others under my charge. It will not happen again.
The other party was indeed in dire trouble but we were able to bring them back.. though, I was not sure how this was done. I was too busy watching for an attack.. a great and sinister fog stretched out through that area of the peaks. On our return trip Miss Lee, Geldar and I ran into an odd Ogre.. he was so afraid he did not attack us. He simply ran away and much faster than we could ever follow.
An entertaining thought.. I wonder what scalding remarks that cleric would have if I managed to save her life.. Best not to dwell on it. There are none, save the followers of Pyrtechon, for whom I would not give my life in the line of duty and... under the right circumstances... Forget it. I dare not even consider what those might be.
I miss Dalia.. I have many I call friend, Miss Lee most of all. Treana is a welcome additionn amongst them. She is a considerate and wise lady. Miss Jennara is among the wisest and most kind people I know. Still, Miss Dalia would seek me out to talk or to lay the undead to rest..... no matter.
I suppose I shall be assisting with the training of the Militia in Roldem as well as clearing and helping to rebuild homes. Master Cole was going to take up that task but the Soulmother has taken him for good. I am impatient to begin my work there. I'm tired of sitting in Hlint, waiting.. Before I go, though, I will double my efforts to enforce the need for donations to the Roldem cause. It is a time for action.
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I recently met Storold, a Lucindite I believe, and a lady named Nyyana as we attempted to assist another lady by the name of Malamilaa.. Mala. That's what she told me to call her. Her name is much longer and as with many Elven names it has a beautiful ring to it, at least when she speaks it. I butcher it horribly, I'm sure.
The four of us traveled into the Grey peaks towards a Village I think is named Lars... I've never successfully made it that far I'm afraid and this time would be no different. The ogres ambushed us quite unexpectedly and as soon as Mala, an Aeridin sorceress, and Nyyana began casting the brutes could not be distracted from their pursuit. I was able to heal Mala once, laying upon her the healing touch that Rofirein has given me but the Ogres wasted no time and knocked her flat. It was only a few moments after that that Nyyana fell and then I was overwhelmed.
I awoke in the Rofirein temple in Velensk only to see Nyyana. We greeted one another and talked for only a short time before she needed to rest. I then made my way back to Hlint.. a long trip for someone in my condition. It seems that Miss Mala was left for dead and escaped from the ogres of the valley. So, with her magics, she helped me return to the valley, shrouded from sight to pray at the spot where I fell. After that we made a hasty retreat back to the road outside of Fort Llast where, in my debt, I asked if there were anything she needed assistance with and there was indeed.
She needed to collect a bounty on goblin ears as well as seeking out lost treasures within the Seilwood caves and so we went. The kobolds and goblins were out in force that day and I collected a great deal of stolen coin from the corpses. Miss Mala's animal friend Aeri is an amazing creature and listens Once, when the battlefield within the caves lay quiet and I was hurrying to gather everything.
Having seen my harried rush she too gathered what she could and presented it to me when I was finished. I'm not sure if it was just me or if her mind wandered or.. but we stood there for what seemed like forever and those blue eyes felt like they were looking directly into my soul. Don't get me wrong, she is very pleasing to the eye. She's also an Elf. Mom used to say something about Elves bewitching men's souls but I don't know. She hasn't cast any spells on me.... not that I know of. It was just a very uneasy moment... but in a nice way. I don't know.
Its easier being different when you're alone. Sometimes I'd give anything to be the size of Geldar or Master Elladan or even Miss Jennara if it came right down to it. Being big has its good side, I guess, but you just don't fit in. The world looks at you different and things are more... complicated. Sometimes its like being alone... with everyone around.
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I pen this entry having had little sleep so bear with me...
I don't think I've ever seen Miss Lee in such a state... even during the trouble with Pandemonium.. She falters and trips over almost every word that issues from her mouth. It was obvious when she came to ask my assistance that she had not slept well.. My heart goes out to her for whatever she is dealing with weighs heavily upon her.. So terribly heavy is her burden that it can be seen upon her face and the way she stands. As a friend she knows that I would gladly help bear any burden but that decision is hers and hers alone to make. For now I stand, hand out as it were, ready to lend her my strength. She's strong willed, that one, and proud but even the strongest timbers can buckle under too much weight.
So, after handing her a bit of cloth for her tear, a reassuring hug and vowing to protect her angels I gladly took the bit of pie she offered me as payment if for no other reason than because it lightened her mood for a moment or two. I set about guarding and patroling the the outside of Ilsare's temple. Rofirein help me.. Miss Lee and others have freed many angels.. but a few of them paid an incredible price. I had a glance or two at the poor things and can not describe the anger or sadness that filled my heart.. Lord Protector, guard their little souls and bring them back to Miss Lee. That anyone could do this to children.. Miss Lee assured me that their assailants had met their end but I'd rather have seen them shackled and breaking stone. For some death is too good.. Strengthen me Lord for who is more innocent and deserving of our protection than the little children..
I would have been in Roldem already and perhaps I would have bumped into Miss Jennara, Miss Lee and Miss Brisbane. I do not know but Miss Lee caught me as I was getting ready to walk out the gates.
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There are a lot of different kind of rain.... and I think they all fall in North point.
A few days ago Rawkwin came to the temple of Ilsare in Hlint to care for the children. With inadequate shelter he suggested moving them to North Point and Aeridin's temple. Nothing woke these poor fallen angels. Mith would have had some Golem carry the lot of them there but I protested. Even in their state they should be kept comfortable and I can not imagine a golem's touch to be very reassuring. So, I cradled two of them in my arms; Master Rawkwin, Miss Lee, Talen, myself and Mith took the portal directly to North point. However, Garent voiced his displeasure with the children's present, claiming it was not a nursery. I explained that it was an emergency and we were moving them.. I think that set his mind at ease.
The trip was fast and we quickly found ourselves at Aeridin's temple, though I was left standing outside.. I am sworn to not enter temples unless they are that of my Lord's allies.. save for dire circumstances. Master Rawkwin soon returned to take the children with him and I stood there at the door, looking in for a time and feeling somewhat helpless.
Not wishing to be rude I allowed the door to close and went about making myself familiar with this place. There is definately a less civilized feel here.. The locals are brash and rough but they live, in what I hear is, a very demanding environment.
Well, by the time I had checked around, Miss Lee and the others were coming out of the temple and told me that Winu had informed Rawkwin of a shipment of healing supplies that had gone missing on its way to Pranzis.. This, some artifact, a strange mage giving warnings and pirates... I'm not sure what to make of it all but if its all connected may The Lord Protector's tail guard out backs, his wings shelter us and the light from his golden eye guide us...
Miss Lee and Mith made sure I was properly provisioned before they left.. though there is a bank and a decent inn here. I've no insight at the moment into Miss Lee's stuttering but its obvious that something's wrong. Her and Mith were both acting a bit odd.. but he's a Necromancer and I suppose that sort of thing comes naturally for him. I hope Miss Lee is alright.. and perhaps my being here will take a bit of that terrible load off her shoulders.
-
Several days have passed... still no progress on the fallen angels but I am certain their spirits will return..
Miss Lee comes and goes fairly often and its nice to see someone familiar occasionally. She's so busy with these and the others in Point Harbor.. I do not feel it fair to delay her with small talk.
I spoke briefly with Miss Treana.. she was very sad when I mentioned the children but she's forgiven me my brief loss of composure during the dealing with Christian. I am glad to be rid of the guilt. I would sooner sever my hand from my body than cause harm to any of my friends...
The rain falls at an odd angle today. The wind blows in odd gusts causing the fallen rain to pound into the walls of the temple at times.. The weather requires I keep good care of my armor.. strangely, I do not mind the drenching. It is cleansing. The rain almost sounds like music sometimes.. as it causes my armor to ring like a metal drum.
I wish I could sing to the fallen angels the lullabies and songs my mother taught to me and those that I sang to my brothers and sisters as I helped.. I do what I can for these innocent creatures...
-
An odd thing happened today. The door to the temple opened briefly and then closed. When I poked my head inside to ask Winu if anything was wrong she said an Elven healer had entered the temple and had gone to see the children.
I paniced. Miss Lee sent no word and Rawkwin hadn't mentioned anyone. So, I ran into the temple, fearing the worst; that somhow the people that hurt them had tracked them here. I stopped immediately just inside the room where they lay. The Elf was chanting and blessing the children, checking their bandages and crying. When I asked who he was he initially told me that he was the one who caused all this.. I was concerned and stepped a bit closer, ready to pull my hammer from its mount on my back.
No.. he told me his name was Quillwen, healer of Berryl and leader of the Freelancers. The worry slipped from my like so much spilled water and I apologized as he continued to tend to them. Miss Lee speaks quite highly of him, though he, like Treana and Miss Lee seemed to blame themselves for what happened. I know this to be natural but they've saved so many and even these fallen angels chose the risk rather than remain where they were. Regardless, I explained that I need exit the place since there was no danger and later he came out to speak about the children.
It seems I will have more friendly company here after all.. Master Quillwen spoke of the children and his regret for their condition and I spoke of my faith in him and Miss Lee and everything they have done. I also pledged to help drive from Karthy the worms that seep through it like a poison. He appeared to be pleased at this. For now we both wait. He will do what he can.. I do what I must, for these poor fallen angels and Miss Lee.
Haven't seen Miss Lee in almost a week... I hope everything is okay with the other children. Perhaps I should send her a falcon. No.. best not. I'd hate to get her hopes up like that. I told her I'd send her one as soon as the children wake.
-
I sit here.. or stand. Often I am standing or practicing here outside the temple. I've come to be on good terms with the guard that patrols here. He doesn't like the rain at all. He is bound by contract and duty. I am bound by... *scribbles and doodles..*
That's just it. I'm a protector, a defender. It's been in my soul for as long as I can remember, even as a child. And now I guard these children.. these children who sought to be free of a prison they were born into; a prison they never had a chance to escape from, until Miss Lee.
She is such a generous and caring soul; it pains me deeply to think of her in the state she's in. I pray for her protection and guidance every night as well as those close to her. I pray for the poor fallen angels who lay motionless... Their wounds have long since left, thanks to the magic of the clerics.. their bodies drawing breath but their spirits seem trapped, unable to react, to cry, to laugh, to speak, to run or even blink in response to our presence. The poor fallen angels... for that is what they are.. They thought only of the safety of their rescuers. I can not begin to imagine how much courage and love is contained within these tiny vessels.. but then again.. that's Miss Lee.. Anna.. A humble woman, unable to see the light that shines from her own spirit, for everyone to see. These children saw it and I see it still... despite whatever is tearing her apart inside. Were it only the fate of these children.. I would know. There is something more.
Everyone seems to think that they failed.. that somehow they are to blame. I hope this will pass when these fallen children wake.
*places the pencil in the book, between his knees and sits just outside the door to the temple as it is open on this day to allow in the temperate breeze that brings fresh air. He looks up, his eyes welling, at the beautiful orange and reds of the soon to be twilight sky*
*hums for a short time a soft tune, his deep voice sometime barely registering to the ears of those not listening*
*sings in a that gentle but deep bass voice*
"Sleep children and peace attend thee, All through the night Guardians and Gods will send thee, All through the night Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, Hill and dale in slumber sleeping I my loved ones' watch am keeping, All through the night Angels watching, e'er around thee, All through the night Midnight slumber close surround thee, All through the night Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, Hill and dale in slumber sleeping I my loved ones' watch am keeping, All through the night
*pauses a moment and smiles, still looking up at the sky*
Caighd and Quill are here with thee
And still beyond this night
Anna's love will e'er surround thee
Well beyond this night Many hearts for you are feeling, Prayers and wishes o'er you spilling Gods and Healers please be willing, To set this damage right."
*glistening lines run down his dark skin from his eyes, over his cheek and down to his chin as he stands in the twilight and quietly pulls the door shut* *as he turns around, gripping his journal it falls to the ground* "Oh.. A.. Miss Lee! I didn't hear you...."
-
Quick entry as I am on the roads.. There are still enemy forces scattered here and there. We lost Pranzis.. the Citadel.. and many many lives as well. A dwarf name Vakra had an ingenious idea.. to use explosives and to take out their leader. If only he had shared his idea.. perhaps, with backup, a secondary individual to set blaze to the bag he had carried, it might have succeeded. Treana fought like she was possessed of demons.. my hammer struck true time and again but still we were overwhelmed... we held for many days, and in the end we were allowed retreat to fight again.
The skies are darkened with dust and cloud of the likes I have never seen and it is cooler than normal. I fear this does not bode well. Perhaps the other fronts were no more successfull than ours but we musn't give up hope.
For now, I must run.. rest is a luxury that I must take in small doses and the areas I venture through are dangerous at best. I continue on. I must ensure this chaos has not spilled into North Point. For the Children, for my brothers and sisters.. for Miss Lee.
Lord Protector, may your wings shelter and keep us, the light from your golden eye guide us, your tail guard us, your claw make our weapons to strike true... Protect Miss Lee, the Children, Layonara and this humble warrior as I travel this dangerous path.
-
Finally! I have arrived in North Point. Thank the Lord Protector. The cold sea breeze is so refreshing to my soul. There were times I doubted I would ever feel it again; times I doubted that I could continue. My heart is greatly relieved as the Children and the area are still untouched, but for how long? And this dreadful cloud cover... ever present. Its positively freezing. Were it not for the arduous pace I set for myself I might have noticed sooner but even now I am hot, soiled and soaked in my own sweat. I am weary as well but time is always against us..
If it continues to get colder this place will not be desirable for the children. Mala and Meira have agreed to remain while I seek out Miss Lee. I only hope that she is okay and that her own expedition did not end so horribly. I worry for her.. and of her. Many things have become clearer during this trip and perhaps more complicated as well.
Hard work. That's what my father would say. There's nothing like good hard work to make you think clear, to clense you of conflict and turmoil.
-
You would think that of all the devoted followers of the gods, Ilsare's would understand much more about love... much more about that which appears to be love but is twisted and warped... much more about the differences between devotion and obsession... between possession and cherishing... between desperation and faith... They meddle in others' lives only because they can, not thinking on if they should. They are fools, blind fools.. My poor Imogen, can they not learn from the past?
And it seems Miss Lee is in the middle of it all. Much happened in my absence and I fear much more will. My duties keep me too busy to be available as much as I'd like but we spent many hours catching up...
The bone woman... Its all very strange and in the back of my mind I sense an immense task is at hand. I was nigh useless when the horses of pandemonium were choosing their riders and again I fear something beyond my ability darkens the paths of my friends. I will try and be there, no matter the task. Miss Lee trusts me.
And Mith... there is little to be said. I had only a slight inkling, only a small glimpse. Unfortunately, my impressions back then are now verified.
I'm sorry Miss Lee.. sorry that I was not here.. sorry that he proved me right...
There are wolves among us. They hide in plain sight. Some do not know their own nature and yet others do. Circling, they find their prey and devour it, but not the flesh. Identity, self respect, foundation, security... are torn from them. And so they come to rely on the wolf and fear it. Some get away. Many do not. None are ever the same... My sweet Imogen.. and now Anna.
-
Time continues rush by like a raging river. I remembered Miss Lee and the Freelancer's story night long enough to pull myself away from the answers I searched for. On my way my I made a trip to Haven and visited my family. My mother had been baking for days, knowing much that I know, preparing her special molasses crackers for Miss Lee's orphans. I was sworn to deliver them, and so I did.
There were three who brought things to share. Ifion blessed us with a humorous anecdote from his father. Miss Lee finally recounted the story of Elezander and his Horses. Treana shared with us a poem dedicated to Addison... It was beautiful but so sad.. I could barely hold back the tears.
My heart aches for Miss Treana. She seemed to finally have found that happiness we all search for.. that something that we all unknowingly seek. In her grief I only hope that she isn't too proud to remember that she has friends.
Miss Abigail, you too will be missed. I'm saddened that we never spoke at great length.
But, back to the Freelancer. For some reason I could not take my eyes from Miss Lee.. something was different and when it struck me it was like a load of iron had been dumped on my chest. At first I asked if she had had her children already but no.. they were taken from her womb by magic. I can not believe this. So much has happened to Anna already. Why can she not be spared for a time? But, she has a strength about her and she takes pride in her work. I admire her and am happy to be there for her. Sometimes I just wish I could do more. This whole thing with Mith... The four of us remaining at the closing of the Freelancer talked about it, generally speaking.
Blind, desperate obsession... It drives people to do things, unhealthy things. It can turn a hero into a villain.. a savior into a demon... a loved one into a monster. I have yet to recount my own telling and experiences in this but I will. I have to. It rests on my heart like an open wound and it tears a bit more each time I see my sweet little Imogen, broken now these five years and still unable to forgive. I thought I could bear it alone.. but for what I have done I can not begin to show her the way. I am torn. Anna would understand but she bears so much on her shoulders.. Mother, father.. my other brothers and sisters.. all of them feeling so helpless.. and me most of all. She will not even bear my presence.
When you've killed a man in anger.. you can never forget how that feels. But, to be robbed of the responsability... to be refused any accountability... to be called a liar... but, perhaps, one less wolf among us, though it has earned me no comfort.
Rest. I must get what rest I can.. so many things weigh on my mind.
Lord Protector, watch over Anna. Keep your watchful eye on her babies, wherever they may be. Let your wings shelter and keep them safe until we find them. Guide us along the path to the knowledge we need to be able to stop those responsible.
-
Personal entry.. I fear losing myself again. My journeys take me to the far stretches of Dregar these days but distance no longer calms the storm for the reminders are all there... with me.. inside me.
I met an interesting little fellow recently.. his name was Lyle.. *several dots and a squiggly doodle* Well, his name was Lyle and I fear I did him a disservice. My mind is not my own. My spirit seems to fly to other places.. other times. I nearly overran the little halfling as I passed the merchant houses in Hlint. I apologized and then called him by the wrong name after he introduced himself. He must think I'm a complete idiot and I guess that might not be far from the truth these days. He's looking for his uncle; same name as him. Never heard of him. So much passes my notice...
Such as... well. I found myself out in the desert with Cymeran and a number of others when I should have been headed for Roldem to meet with Lady Jennara.. I didn't know my way to return and no one was willing to see me back. I was so lost.. but I kept fighting. If I was stuck there I had better earn my keep. I really wasn't thinking.. I'm afraid I might be able to name only a few of those that I worked with to retrieve their minerals and supplies... I wasn't there.. not really. Well.. luck was with me because the group found itself at the house of Ozymandius. He was kind enough to allow those of us that needed to be elsewhere to use his portal. Hesitantly, I took it straight to Pranzis.
It was the second time in so many days that I had walked those streets and my heart sinks each and every time. So, I left quickly for Lorindar... feeling so overwhelmed... I almost wish to return permanently to my post in North Point. There I feel like what I do has some sort of meaning and these other things seem like little more than distant nightmares. Maybe that's hiding though... From there I sailed to Tibum where I was fortunate and caught the end of the meeting for the Roldem relief. Anna was there as was Lady Jennara, Miss Ash, Daniel Poetr, many others I knew and the Lady Brisbane. Anna had told me about her a number of times but she truly has a presence and most definately makes an impression. As she sized me up I felt almost small even though I tower over her.
Making our way to Roldem we encountered a number of.. what the others said were.. undead drow. Unbelievable. The first couple of encounters were easily delt with but we were ambushed as we drew closer to Roldez. I stopped, for there were others in these creatures' path and while they tore through my armor I gave the group the time they needed to prepare and deal with them. And another piece of myself was torn away.. inching me ever closer towards my next life. I hope that Rofirein finds me worthy when the time comes.. I don't know any more.
Lady Brisbane was kind and returned to assist me. She is very direct and perhaps strong willed but definately not cold as some rumor would have told. We ventured a second time through her grove on the way to Roldez and she stopped to reflect. I can not think of a natural place more beautiful and wonderous, dense with growth and life. All the animals within that grove were calm and unafraid. I handed an acorn to a squirrel who'd lost his grip, my head being almost level with the branch he sat upon. He took it and for the remainder of the time I stood there he investigated every inch of my armor. I wonder what that little creature thought of me.. or what he thought me to be, if anything. There was an exchange of words between Lady Brisbane and I regarding the future of her great grove. I hope that I can visit it again. My new, tiny friend chittered at me and jumped to a nearby branch as we moved to leave and catch up with the rest. I felt sad.. If only Imogen could see these places... meet these people... Regardless, Lady Brisbane saw me safely the rest of the way to Roldez but had to return to her grove.
So, there I stood with Lady Jennara and Anna. We talked over many things and I have been assigned to assist, primarily, in Roldez. But first, I have to make nails.. as many as I can manage. I've a list of things: nails, hinges, wheelbarrows... those will mostly have to be built there if possible. First we will need to clear debris and sort the unusable from what can be reused. Even half beams and scorched doors can be reused as well as any building rock that may still be in good shape. There's so much. Nails first, then hinges. We'll need a lot of shovels and baskets.. They're going to be lighting the fields with glowing staves.. There is yet hope in the darkness.
It was an eventful talk and I felt as though I was more myself for a while but I had to leave. I had plans to keep and an outting with members of the Crimson Shield. Saying my goodbyes I reluctantly stepped through the Roldez portal to Hlint and made my way to Fort Hope with haste. My mind was fresh when I arrived. The effort in making good time bled much of the worry from my body.
Another thing that escaped my notice. Rawkwin is a member of the Crimson Shield. I do not know why I was surprised or why I hadn't heard... He could tell I was troubled and since he asked I found myself talking about Imogen and my distress. His wife, Emerald, graced us with her presence and several others began to gather as well, so the conversation shifted and I was glad of it. I do not know how they might see me in light of what I was about to admit. I won't even write of it here. Fortunately, the pages of my journal ask no questions. They only lay there bare, waiting for me to fill them as I am ready. Some day, perhaps soon, I will lay out what I know and what I feel so that I can make better sense of it all.
I went with the Crimson Shield group, back to Dregar and the mines I had visitied what seemed like only days before. As we stood on the road to the desert there came a familiar tugging on my cape. I looked around but did not see a soul and it was then I heard the giggling and a familiar shape stepped from the air. Anna was passing through and though I expected her to make for the wilds of Dregar, the Vale perhaps, she join us. I was at once confused and elated. I know Anna hates bloodshed but she seemed very ernest in her desire to come along. With her there it was easier to focus on what was going on, Rodlin, Riley, Cymeran and the others..
I did not feel nearly as scattered and while I watched over the others in their sleep she rested against me. Will that trust be shaken if I tell her? I have promised that I will and eventually I will have to tell Lady Jennara of my shame as well. I almost blurted it all out when we returned to Mistone to track down some oil in the Grey Peaks.. Anna wished to part company. I told her to go but I wished for her to stay. Even in this I did not waver and therefore it was not a lie but if felt odd, somewhat uneasy. She had seen enough of this world's savagery for one day. I wanted to tell the whole story right there but she bade me to go and catch up with the rest. We said our goodbyes and went our own ways... the world faded a little and in the back of my mind I heard the voice from so long ago, "I don't care"
We found the oil for the lady.. returned it, and decided we were done. There was some climbing to be done and I am thankful that I was not all there. Thinking of it afterward made my head swim but I was so tired from the events of the day that it didn't matter. I sat there in my padding, resting under that small tree in Fort Llast near the gates that would lead me to Hlint and quickly fell asleep. It was a fitful sleep, an unresting sleep filled with dreams and nightmares. I could see his face there in the doorway. I could see poor Imogen cringing in the background but most of all my ears rung with, "I don't care."
-
I thought it was going to be another day just like any other. I've been working hard on the nails and hinges we need for the building to take place in Roldem. Miss Jennara wants to teach them fishing as well. We talked about Pranzis.. so long as the people are being taken care of no good will come of deposing its new ruler. It reminds Jennara of Stone and what happened there.. not a comforting thought at all.
I sat with Miss Jennara for some time on the benches in Hlint when a man came and asked us for assistance in the Haven Mines.. I went, because I should but as with so much these past years my work feels so empty. I know those that I help are thankful but I just don't feel it. No meaning.. no purpose. I hid it from myself for a time.. tried to deny it but I see Anna and I can't help but be reminded. She hurts.. in many ways, like my dear Imogen. My heart cries out but it is also trapped by pain. Lord Protector.. how can I be worthy?
Jaleel.. devout of Rofirein.. he seems so anyways, though he seeks conflict and excitement. His youthful eagerness, perhaps. It can not compare to my shame.. my crime.. my helplessness.
Lady Jennara noticed something.. I don't know. She was concerned at least and I knew she would ask or I thought she might but she bade me good journeys and went to rest. I almost told her.. were it not for bad timing I might have. I have a great respect for Jennara but I'm not sure what she would think or do about my confessions.
I can't see straight any more.. it clouds my mind and chokes me like a thick black smoke and calls out, 'I dont care'. I headed to the Freelancer in hopes of finding the one person that has been able to clear it.
As I arrived Anna was setting there next to the Ankh, Master Starr speaking with her, but she seemed so small against the world. I almost turned away but something pushed me forward. The look on her face made my chest grow tight and my breathing difficult but Starr welcomed me and Anna nodded that I was welcome. It wasn't long before Starr had to leave and he asked that I help Anna into the Freelancer.
I knelt down and reached out, holding out to her a single finger from my hand for her to see. It took a few moments but her eyes came into focus. She remembered and smiled. We talked for a few moments about the rain and the docks before she stood up and we went into the Freelancer. I've noticed she does not take compliments well.. She even berates herself with hardly any provocation. It makes my heart ache so.
I handed her some Juniper berries after making our way past the crowd of children. It makes me smile to see their faces, despite the world and our troubles. After squeezing the juice from the berries she handed me bottle so that I might try it; definately something I will have to add to my meals now and again. I spoke of Jennara and the idea we had talke about about fishing. I had inquired if they still had some boats, even small ones. Anna became even more uneasy and I could tell she was guarding something. I don't know what but I tried to reassure her that I need not know. It is best that she keeps what secrets she needs. I have faith in Anna.. whatever she needs to do she needs to do for good reason. It was all I needed to know that things were being taken care of for the better.
So we sat by the fireplace.. I on the edge of the stage, Anna on the floor. My knees.. They just don't like me being on the hard floor.. or down too low. She asked me if there was something I wanted to talk about. In truth I just wished to be there but there was something long overdue.. a story that I had promised Anna several times before. I'll save that for another entry as it deserves the attention.
I finished my tale and Anna handed me a cloth to wipe my face for the simple tell of it is enough to overwhelm me. I saw in her actions that there was some recognition there of what I was telling her but she still seemed far away.. and with reassuring and kindness she confided in me as well. I understand her fear.. from another perspective. I understand the emptiness that she feels for I, myself, have an emptiness.
I held her hands in mine as she told me she wished to help my poor dear Imogen and my legs nearly swept out fron beneath me, betraying both my feelings and my lack of sleep. For the second time since I have known her I offered to watch over her.. for her sleep has been fitful and she needs her strength. It was amongst a pile of children that I later found sleep. Having read a number of stories and recounted a few more that I know personally they fell asleep one by one. Anna slept in amongst them, peacefully. I smiled and the world melted away.
For me sleep was once again restless. A dragon came and took my hammer.. I hope the dream was only born of fear and not some far sight. The other dream came as well.. but this time it was Mith. Mith was in the door. I could see Anna in the back of the room so frightened and crying. Only, I remember what I did... in my dream. I am a protector... but I don't feel worthy.. not of my lord. All the good works in the world could not cover the shame I feel... the loss. Why does he still tolerate me?
-
I sat there.. I don't know how often I looked over to Anna, sitting there, but she seemed almost to be made of stone at times. She wanted to hear what plagued my heart and even more I wanted to tell it to her. And these were my words:
It is a shame I've carried with me...
something I can not undo..
I was fresh from finishing my training and visiting home in Haven a little over five years ago before returning to Pranzis and after that, called by the Dragon. My mother and father had cooked an amazing feast for my return and had called all my brothers and sisters home but there was one chair that was empty. My dearest little sister, Imogen. She had been my heart's joy as I grew up, from the moment mother showed her to me after she was born. She wrote me twicea week while I was in the Citadel, about this and that, mother's doting, father being over protective. And then, a few months before my visit they just stopped. I couldn't fathom why and so I asked.
Everyone's faces turned to stone. Dad marched from the table to his smithy, shaking. Mother broke into tears and cried uncontrollably, but I pressed for an answer. I didn't know if she was dead, or taken by slavers or worse.. but I could get nothing from my mother. Her tears drowned out her voice.
It was the littlest of my brothers and sisters that spoke truthfully and without fear... Derick. Derick had taken her away and she didn't want to play with her any more. I didn't know what to think. She had mentioned a Derick once or twice before the letters stopped but always in a very loving manner.
Being concerned I wanted to go looking for my sister. Kendra was too young stilll to show me where Imogen was but she said she talked to her now and again at the market. It was three days later that I recognized her, walking through the market. She had always been such a beautiful child, brilliant and full of energy but I hadn't recognized her on the second day. It wasn't till the third that I noticed on her wrist a trinket that I'd sent her from Pranzis. It was a small silver bracelet... engraved dragons dancing around it.
Beside myself with joy I ran to her, took her by the arm to give her a grat hug but her hood fell away.. I'd never seen bruises like that... even in fighting practice. I was stunned, shocked; I couldn't speak and just stood there staring. She looked back at me but... I could barely see my dear little Imogen in thos eyes. They were so full of fear and before I could gather myself she ran.
I didn't know what to do. Mom and dad had hidden away their pain because I was coming home. I had to get what little I could frind out from my brothers and sisters. Derick, it seems, was the sone of some noble.. a true brat and I guess that he'd made life hard for mom and dad till they quit trying to see her. It infuriated me; turned me cold.
I always used to protect her and I had to see her. In that moment I regretted leaving for Pranzis.. and a part of me still does.
It took a little time but I found him and he realized instantly who I was. Who wouldn't? There aren't many around like my family, skin as dark as pitch. At first I begged that he stop hurting her, that he love her like she deserved, that he change things.. but the more I begged or spoke the less he listened. "'I don't care' she's mine.." "'I don't care' leave us alone" "'I don't care'"
Eventually, I followed Imogen hom from the market one day and as she entered his doorway I could hear him yell and curse her name for some transgression that I do not know but she cowered. She cowered and cringed, this bright beautiful flower I adored and protected since she was a baby...
Before she could close the door behind her I put my foot in it. I do not know what he filled her mind with. To this day it still taints her. She ran from me to the far side of the entry way and in he came. I stood over him and growled in a voice I still do not believe was my own. I told him to let her go. I told him he was done and he threatened me. He threatened to call the law to take me from his property but in the end he looked back at her and again at me. He told me; no, he threatened that if I did no leave things would be worse for my poor dear Imogen
I killed him. I must have. I don't remember it, not really. I couldn't think. All I could see was that day in the market and little Kendra saying her sister can't come play with her any more. I remember seeing him laying on the floor, or I think I do. I was standing over him and Imogen had disappeared. I searched for her but did not see her for several days when she showed up on my mother and father's doorstep, shaken and covered in dirt. I went to call in a guard, having regained my composure and know what I should do regardless of what it meant for me but when we returned to the house there was no trace.. nothing. I know I killed him.. and no one believes me.
The only person that might know hasn't spoken in five years. What's worse? I can't even be in the same room with her. She's moody and broken even around the rest of the family but me, I"m like a burning knife in her flesh. She flies into a rage and I can't ge through to her.
There was an investigation but it didn't go anywhere.. Derick has never been seen again and no evidence was found so no charges were ever pressed. I returned to Pranzis, thinking I could set things right in my heart and shortly after I was called back to Hlint by the dragon.
That's pretty much it.. I searched for answers but the one person who might hold a clue is locked within herself.. I am sorry I did not share this with those who matter to me most, sooner. No matter what happens I need to help my little sister..
-
Forward... there is nowhere to go but forward. All other paths are denied me now, save this one that is covered in broken glass.
I joined Anna at Lardison in an attempt to seek out an amulet... I remember little from the trip, save that it caused Anna much pain. It tears at my heart. A bard.. related to a.. necromancer trapped on the prison plane Carceri.. an insane gnome.. children of sin... and Anna's children are to be used in a ritual to release this necromancer. She couldn't take it. She wanted to travel to Pandemonium alone. She wanted to see Elazander and I would follow her knowing it would mean my own death but Ozy had already alerted him and the other guardians of the planes... Its a terrible mess. Anna was so torn. Her mind was breaking from the strain. Her thoughts ran, bounced and spread like grains of sand spilled onto a wooden floor. I stayed with her.. trying to help her focus, patiently guiding her with my words and my heart. When she was not looking I choked back the tears and slowly she regained focus. I think it was several days later when she brought a new orphan back to the Freelancer, Kymra, that she seemed to have recovered most of her faculties.
And then I joined the Freelancers. Well, that would indicate that I sought membership. True, I do like them and have many friends among them but my... induction was a surprise. All I sought was a new hammer.. my old one having fallen from its harness somewhere in the mountains.. Quillwem is a very sly individual. That's all I can say. My part? Well, it would seem I am to build on the beginnings of my father's teachings in smithing with the guidance of Goldwin. It helps keep my mind off things.
Only a few days after that many of the guild went into Firesteep in search of adamantium and I was asked to come along. I will tell you now that the paths through those dreaded mountains would try the most courageous of souls... Give me an army of giants any day. I felt like a scared kitten. I would not have made it through those mountains were it not for Anna.. her gentle guiding hand and her encouraging words. Where would I be without them? Again.. my duty has come between me and those I love.. unable to be there when I am needed. Is the church so important that my heart must become a thing of stone? My thoughts betrayed me and in my distraction I did not notice the odd feeling in the pit of my stomache until it was too late. We were ambushed. Most of us were slain. The soulmother had a good meal that day. It was my fault. It was all my fault.
I returned to the Freelancer and tried to get some sleep but the dreams plague me now more than ever, if I sleep at all. Every time I see Anna slip back or break down I, myself, feel as if I will fall. There can no longer be any doubt about my feelings for her. She can't be ready for that.. She isn't ready for that but its only a matter of time. My fool tongue...
-
I fear I have become a liability. My mind continues to slip so easily these days. The dreams and memories haunt my waking thoughts.
Again I found myself before the anvil and forge. Nails, hinges, smelting.. Good hard work. And yet my heart aches. It burns like the coals, their roaring fire having found its way inside and now burning hotter than ever. Several times I left the forge to seek out more supplies and.... many times I caught something from the corner of my eye or heard something.. or smelled. Yes.. I think I smelled.. Anna. On my way back to the forge she was standing there at the town bell talking to Lillian. She looked distant but turned and greeted me when I approached. And then a pixie flew up and, well, the creature was very.... very fresh and inconsiderate what with Anna's aversions. She seemed to know this and took pleasure in Anna's reaction as she shrouded herself from sight and fled. Anna, not the pixie... I later discovered that the creature was actually someone named Tashr in another form.. She takes pleasure in harrassing Anna at every opportunity. Were I not so concerned for Anna I would returned and explained the laws relating to such actions to this, Tashr.
Anna returned and apoligized which I told her she need not do. I wish I could take her in my arms and keep her safe from the selfish and inconsiderate creatures like Tashr but she needs to also stand on her own. I told her I needed to meet with Seteece to pick up an ore shipment out in the Goblin Wastelands and asked if she would meet me on the road. I stood there for some time until I heard a horrible sound, like a mountain of rocks moving of its own will. And then my Ox spoke to me in the voice of Seteece.. or I thought it had... it sure sounded like it was coming from the Ox. Maybe it is the lack of sleep. I was reassured by Seteece that he was not an Ox and he quickly emptied his load into the bags I tied to the Ox. Anna barely spoke the entire time and I'm not entirely sure when she arrived. I kept looking for her, wanting to know she was there. No sooner did she become visible than Nyyana came running down the road.
Nyyana is a cute creature.. she reminds me of my littlest sister Kendra. She has the innocence and curiosity of a small child. Anna could not have picked a better person to help her with the children. She fits right in. Unfortunately, according to Quillwem, she has several suitors who push attention upon her that she does not desire. She is such a kind and meek creature I wonder if she pushes back hard enough. If you love someone enough then perhaps it is okay simply to share with them in a unwavering friendship, strengthened by that love.
I told Anna I would be at the forge and wandered back toward Hlint. Its so rare that I ever have the chance to speak with her at length. I treasure the times that I do and most of all I treasure her for who she is. I remember and I see the person I know she is when I look into her eyes but she's burried under fear and shame. The copper ran and bubbled. I likely wasted some as I got lost in my thoughts. This is nothing new these days. I burnt my hand on some tongs.
After hours of work I finished my smelting and sought out the Freelancer warehouse in Hlint. Once there I was greeted by Quillwem and given a key. He bade me to join him at the guild hall when I was finished and I loaded up with what was left of the copper ore. I returned to the forge and then after that, to the Freelancer.
Quillwem, Sahala, Ael and another female Dark Elf were there when I arrived. I lost track of their conversation and eventually went downstairs to tell the children some more of my Mother's stories; stories about animals and how they came to be, about the rains and the winds. The children seem amazed and amused by them and I enjoy seeing their faces light up but I must have lost myself a few times during the telling. The closest of them startled me from a daze several times by tapping my leg. I'm so tired any more... so tired of failing the ones I love... the ones I follow... the ones I swear to keep from harm. In one act I failed before I even began.
I returned to the tavern after all the children slept. Anna had arrived and then, suddenly, everyone decided it was time to be elsewhere. I rememberd my ramblings on fate and destiny.. and resolved not to sit idly and be tossed about.
I spoke with Anna at length again.. about a great many things. I spoke with all the honesty and clarity that I have always had. I spoke to her about control... about the way others can warp our thinking... tying us down over time and breaking our spirit... about what I see in her when she reacts, how I can see Mith there hovering over her because those reactions are not her own. They were learned.. ingrained by an uncaring and controling heart. She got a little defensive as I expected her to but she listened and talked with me about all these things and more. Again I guided her with my words and my heart. Even though she may not find her way for a long time I hope that what I said will be with her as she struggles to strip the remaining tethers that Mith put in place. She does struggle. She hasn't given up.
The door to the kitchen opened and closed suddenly and I felt like I was sinking into the floor. It was Talen. Sneaking... and had it been that one act I am sure it might be him simply playing a prank but he did it twice and my security fled. I could no longer confide in Anna, nor did she ask it of me.. thankfully.. from there things did not seem so clear.. he said a few thing and left. Anna followed him, promising she would return. Me... I sat staring at the flame from a hanging lamp.
Where is the trust and honesty in this world? What has it left for me... a man who's tongue would betray himself and his friends at the slightest provocation? This feels so familiar and so painful. Why does it feel that way? Why do I feel so... useless most of the time? Always too late... never enough..
She returned.. I'm not sure how long it was.. she had to shake me from my daze. We went to sit and talk... talk about the dreams. And just as I knew it would my tongue betrayed me. I could see her expression pale and panic fill her eyes when I told her I loved her and the panic filled me as well.. and in my foolishness I repeated myself several times. She needed to know. I needed to tell her. Its not fair to keep this from her, though it might have been better... I just can't... I'm not able.. I'm tired... my knees hurt...
-
So busy.. It takes time to sit and write and its so seldom that I feel capable these days but I did get some rest not so long ago.. many hours of blessed dreamless sleep; dreamless.. but I could her her soft voice singing somewhere far off. Best to write while I can still think...
I found myself, recently, assisting a band of adventurers in search of oil in the grey peaks. We.. or shal I say they, got lost and ended up in an area of the mountains I have never seen. Its not really important. I did what I always do. There were some among them that I knew and others that I didn't but I tried to protect them as best I could.. the one among them that took the lead in helping a tribe of natives find a missing woman would not assert herself and did not speak up in a timely manner. I tried to counsel her a bit, encourage her on how to keep order, but I failed... In the end we succeeded. I failed.
I find myself searching, looking to find what it means to be a Paladin of The Lord Protector. I'm not sure I ever really understood. To Protect... To uphold the law.. How do these things define my existence? Why does he need holy warriors? Where are the battles we fight for him and what is the purpose? Was I wrong in pursuing this path? So often it takes me away from that which I hold dear... and I feel less and less able to keep to this... His blessing upon me. A question I must answer myself. These things I do in his name; could I not achieve the same without them, as a normal man? What is it that makes me worthy of his blessing? I still ponder these and I think I should seek out other, wiser individuals in the service of the Gold... with everything I endure I can not see beyond the fog in my heart and in my eyes.
A day or two beyond the excursion into the grey peaks I joined those of my guild, traveling into the desert to mine silver as well as other metals and minerals. It was as good a trip as any I suppose. We stopped to rest at the Oasis in Saudiria and, torn with exhaustion, I must have passed out. The dreams were there waiting for me and I awoke in a rage. It faded quickly but I felt as though I was going to pass out yet again... I don't know why but Anna came and soothed me with her song. I hope it was not out of pity... I have enough of my own. And I slept there in the sand, my feet dangling in the waterhole.
When I woke a crowd had gathered and Talen had joined us. A woman had posted a plea for help, asking for volunteers to save her poor cat.. This was no ordinary cat as we found out. It was supposed to be Malar and large for its breed. It was all quite confusing. The woman made many endeering remarks to Jaleel.. one of the Gold's fellowship. Though, I often wonder if his devotion is in name only. He is so wreckless and headstrong. The woman gave him a torn cloak and instructed him to hold it in front of the creature and speak her name to bring it back. This action alone raised great suspicion in my mind. The cloak was visibly torn to shreds and later others said they sensed transmutation and other magics within it. Regardless, we tracked it down only to find it to be half man.. or all man really. The woman turned men into cats for her enjoyment. I missed much of the talk between the creature and Lady Brisbane as Jaleel decided to pull the cloak out and show it to him. Seeing the reaction it caused I grabbed him by the arm and batted the cloak into the water nearby. In return he threatened to cut off my hands and made many crass remarks. I'm sorry to say that he is simply self serving.. he may seek to protect but in the end he refuses to listen to anyone unless it suits him. He has no consideration for his actions and seeks conflict at every turn. His actions have been noted and a message passed. The creature was returned to normal and the witch escaped... but a portrait of her adorns many ports and vessels by now, I am sure. Then again.. perhaps she is a shifter, herself. Lady Brisbane took the other cat she had with her, its mind far gone from any human form, back to her glade.
I've no idea what to do or where to turn. I fear my best friend thinks me a monster now and fears me. Well, perhaps I am. Perhaps she has resigned me to pity. I should trouble her no more till she is ready. Who will help poor Imogen? I'm not stong enough... too late.. never enough.
-
Even through the darkest storms sometimes there is a bit of relief. One such time came as I walked the shores of Corax lake.
It was there, nearest the Forest of Mists that I met Tobias, an individual as quick with his tongue as he is with a sword, and Gravas, a Dwarf of considerable martial skill. The two of them were setting out to mine some Fire Opals, if I remember correctly, and after introducing myself I was quickly invited along. There was no small amount of banter between the two of them, much of it in regards to the Dwarf's personal hygiene. The antics of these two had me all but laughing as we stepped into the Vale to stock up on medicines and bandages. While we were there Tobias spotted a door that was trapped and quickly placed a sign upon it claiming it so. I'm not sure that the addition of the happy face was necessary but he is a very jovial individual. So, I thanked him for watching out for the innocent people of the area and warning them of such a danger. Gravas didn't seem as appreciative and I'm not really certain why.
From there we ventured to the Forest of Mists and into a mine controlled by the giants that reside there. The fighting was grim but we came away in good shape and after returning to the lake Gravas fell into a meditative trans.. or perhaps his Dwarven training allows him to sleep standing. Nonetheless after a considerable amount of time we attempted to wake him but he was completely unresponsive. Now, this is where I believe things got a bit amusing and while I did not take an active part in poor Gravas' torment I do feel somewhat guilty. At the time, however, I was not wholly myself as I find happens more and more often of late. Its the sleep.. or lack of restfull sleep.. and the nightmares. They're getting stronger, more vivid. Perhaps more on that later.
Tobias gathered all manner of flowers and wove a wreath which he placed on the Gravas' head. Following this he braided his beard with pink carnations. I've never seen a Dwarf, even a female Dwarf, looks so... dandy. Worst of all Tobias placed a sign on his back. I do not remember the exact words but the first part said "Kick me" and the second part was again in reference to Gravas' hygiene. Many hours later little Nyyana showed up and commented that, for a Dwarf, Gravas demonstrated a considerable amount of care for his appearance. I did not have the heart to tell her why but not long after Tobias ripped apart a number of bandages and began throwing wet globs of cotton at his still entranced friend.
As it happened, Tobias got bored and left. Quillwem happened to wander by a bit later and Nyyana and I joined him in gathering more resources from the mines.. It was all a blur, honestly. I take no pleasure in battle these days. Its as though I'm not really myself or not wholly in control of things. Its like being aboard a sea vessel, feeling the wind press it forward, the rutter force its course to change and the ship to pitch. And yet, while you are able to feel this taking place you are only an observer and, in a manner, helpless to effect the outcome.
Days, perhaps a week passed after that trip. The more tired I become and the less frequent sleep is the more such thing run together like bad paint. I'm not sure if I spoke to Quillwem or if I dreamt that I spoke to him. It all seems so... out of focus. Something, perhaps it was my exhaustion, set my tongue loose again and from my mouth poured everything I was thinking: my conversation with Anna, Imogen, my failure, my loss, my cursed tongue... it has no consideration for the feelings of others. He told me to stop and just as it had begun it ended, suddenly. I do not know how long I stood there prattling on and on but he had heard enough. He liked my honesty, he said... He also felt that Anna, perhaps, heard my words but in the voice of another. This made the most sense.. and as I stood there he tossed a fire opal at me. I didn't realize it at first and it was far too late when I did. It dropped to the floor and shattered. He asked if it could be assumed that I would miss the next or if I would learn from it.. and as I guessed he tossed another. This one I caught but only just so. It nearly slipped through my fingers. With that and the words, "Think about it." he left me there to my thoughts.
I have learned from my mistakes Quillwem.. I've learned that in my heart I can not serve two masters that require unwavering loyalty and dedication. At some point one of them will require to be put above the other. Now, which do I choose? In serving both I fail both. Am I big brother or am I champion of Rofirein? There is soo much work to do and I am thankful.. It is good for cleansing the mind and flushing the body. I feel as though I am at odds with myself, at odds with twin duties. My head hurts.. soo tired. Perhaps... perhaps an alchemist or someone that knows plants.. my thoughts grow unclear and writing is soo hard.. to have dreamless sleep would be a blessing.. I must seek that.
-
Disturbing though they might be I chronicle here the changes in my dreams so that when my mind is clear of this fog I might reflect upon them. They change more lately. It must be my lack of rest but I don't understand why, why they plague me now. I thought that, perhaps, after my confession to Anna that things might lessen but they intensify.
To the dreams.
I see her in the marketplace in Haven and I approach much like I did all those years ago. As I recognize the bracelet on her arms I run to my sister and just as it did her hood falls away. Only, its much worse. She is not alive. Great holes are there in her skin and her dark, empty eyes seem to pierce my very being. She does not run. In stead she attacks me with wreckless abandon and a strength that I could not match, throwing me from building to building, pummeling and tearing at my flesh. I wake seconds before what I assume would be my own death... I know this dream to be false because I have visited my dear little Imogen as she slept. There were no holes, no smell of death, but I know that anger lies there within her. I even channeled the energies of the Lord Protector and laid a blessing upon her. She continued to sleep a far more restfull sleep than I.
The dreams at the door. These are varied and many. The people change now and again but most of the time it is Imogen and Derrick. Sometimes I see Anna and Mith. Then again, I saw Anna and Jaleel once or twice I believe. More disturbing than the rest was one in which, after I blacked out, I looked down and, rather than Derrick, Imogen lay bloodied and dead at my feet. I can not describe the horror I felt at that dream. It was as if someone tore open, completely, the wound in my heart. I felt pain when I awoke, not only in the tears that fell but deep within my chest. I gasped and fought to breath. I must have passed again into sleep for I woke later, on the floor.
A few days ago I sent a message to Ael as Quill and Anna suggested. If he can mix a draught that will send me into dreamless sleep then perhaps I will have some rest from these night hauntings.
As far as my duty is concerned I still feel lost. I have found renewed reason to pray to my Lord but the strength of that bond is not as it once was and my feet do not fall surely on the path I once walked. I struggle to see the reason I once knew in my heart. I have considered releasing the blessing which was bestowed upon me but my love for all that that means to me still holds tight. Perhaps, when I can find an end to these dreams.. when the truth is revealed... when my dear little Imogen is released.. when my heart and mind are no longer torn asunder by the burden.. Perhaps then I will see more clearly the choice I must make.
-
No great amount of information or insight to put down today I think. The world streams past and it feels like I'm barely able to keep my grip.
I traveled through Pranzis and met Honora. It was a good day to find old friends. She was holding something for me which I'd expressed an interest in and I went ahead and paid her for her trouble. Seems she's in love with Michael.. Mordekai? I know him by sight but I'd never asked how he spells his name. He's a big half giant fellow, though perhaps not that much taller than I. So often I find myself eye to eye with the smaller of their kind. Something just tells me that they're a good pair. Honora is noble and caring and Michael... well, he is also I spose. He always seemed to me to be very honorable and valiant.
So, I have the set I was seeking. I'm not sure what I'll do with them... now that I have them.
I am concerned for the Citadel and for the Church of The Lord Protector. Very little news comes from there these days. Some time ago the church of Toran was ransacked and left in rubble but our order, it seems, took no action. I suppose that to take action might have brought down the wrath of those responsible upon our own faith but we do not cower in the corner when an ally or innocent is attacked. I worry that the church may hide completely behind Broegar's laws, being that law and order is one of our greatest beliefs. However, it is not our only calling and a balance must be struck and held because we can not tolerate opression and wickedness in rule merely for the purpose of our own survival.
I met Anna, Quill and a new friend in Pranzis that day as well; a dwarf by the name of Lokri. Unusual fellow. Very strong accent. I'm not sure I understood him correctly most of the time but I stayed close as we moved. Brash and headstrong too. He's not one for standing around talking. It would take a legion to keep him out of trouble I think.
The confusing part.. A lady friend of Quill's, Laliath, is back but he didn't want her to know he was around... yet... but he was glad she had returned... It all makes no sense to me. Too many twists and turns. Anna seemed to agree with my thinking and was rather upset at Quill for his deception. She fussed over me a bit when I said I still had trouble sleeping. Perhaps the shock of my confession did not damage our relationship as I had thought. On the sleep issue Quill told me to speak to Ael and before I went to toss and turn in my bed I send him a letter by falcon.
Without sleep... without real rest.. the days mix together. Night and day flow into a grey mixture of timeless passing.
-
My eyes close but they don't sleep. I wake tormented and anxious from the dreams. My eyes are so heavy. They fight to close. Anywhere. Middle of Hlint. Desert Dune. The boat to Point. The Forge... Hard work keeps me awake... sometimes. How long without real sleep? A week? Two? Can't think.
Gathered bags of sand for Quill. So Hot. Makes me sleepy. Blasted snakes. Deserts full of them. They crawl out from under every rock. Scorpions too. Many bags of sand. Thought I saw a dragon. Washed my eyes with water. A sand dune. Many many bags of sand. Hard to focus. Sand makes me tired.
Passed through Haven.. visited mom. Another priest.. Ilsare. Try and help Imogen. I stayed out. Listened Only heard priest speaking. Mom tried. Told me lie down. No... I can't stay. Gave me a little food.
Left the sand in the warehouse. Went to Point. Lyle and Anna at the bar. So hungry. Ate an entire meal. Lyle sang and played music. Made me feel like moving some. Good fellow. Very grounded... down home. Enjoy his company. Just too tired. Gave Quill all the dusts I collected. Several Beryl. He was happy. Anna told me go to bed. So I went but... Not ready. I went back to Desert. More sand.. Again through Haven. Looked in on Imogen. It was Dark. Very tired. I couldn't stay awake.
-
*though the page is barely ledgible if you stare at it just right, the thing that would stand out is what appears to be a very arge water stain in the middle of the page*
Still nothing from Ael. Did get a small draught from Ozy. He was passing and heard.
I was with a group. Should have left. I led them through Broken. Must have left the path.. or lost sight. Vines everywhere. Next I know, I'm in Vale. Someone helped me get past giants. Set's portal back to Hlint. Tested draught on Ox... Ozy said .. one cap full.. He's asleep. now I wait.
*A LOT of spiraling and scratch-mark type doodles adorn the middle of the page. Several lines of hash marks too*
Superb. The Ox woke up. Seems a bit dazed.. Took a cap full. Don't feel anything. Ox seems okay. Maybe another cap f.. *A heavy ink mark starts at the end of the sentence and trails off the page*
-
//on this page can be seen the bleed through of the stain from the previous. There are numerous errors and scratches, words written and rewritten. Sentences are crossed out and reformed numerous times//
Lord Duvall,
My existence may or may not be known to you but you are known to me. My name is Caighd Brendimeere and I am a paladin of The Lord Protector, sworn in his service. I seek your wisdom and counsel my lord. For though my faith is strong, events of my past have caused great doubt in the path that I follow.
What does it truly mean to be one of his chosen? What is it that I offer that so few others are capable of? Could not a lay-member of the fellowship act in the same capacity? I thought that I had the answers at one time but I struggle with them now. I am torn and can not see clearly.
Years ago I looked forward to being a potentiate of the Knights of the Wyrm but I can not bring myself to ask to be tested. A part of me feels that I am not yet worthy even for that and I may never be.
Forgive me if the intent of this letter seems unclear. It has been a long time since my thoughts were not completely addled by exhaustion and I still suffer, some, its effects. I seek guidance.
In faith and deed,
~Caighd Brendimeere
//at the very bottom of the page, in small writing, is the following//
I can not bring myself to tell him why.. what it is that plagues me. So tired. I need guidance.. afraid of being judged, myself. If he asks I will tell. For now the questions I have must be enough. I send this and then I sleep.... more...
-
At times in our lives we grapple and clamor for things, thinking that this or that may make us whole or bring us happiness. And yet, it is often the things that we do not see coming.. things that, sometimes, we can not see until they are but a breath away.
I must have slept on and off for days.... three.. no, perhaps four. I've likely used a fair portion of that draught. I shall have to ration it from now on... perhaps a dose every two or three days. Well, it was time to stretch my legs and try to get back to the world.. back to the Freelancers, to my friends.. I hope my lack of sleep did not cause me to lose my senses and act, at any time, improperly. Well, perhaps it had. I had forgotten about something.. about some friends far away.. and the angels. Mala
Yet again I portaled to North Point where Mala and Meira watch dutifully over the fallen angels. Despite the change in climate I still find a certain amount of peace there. The smell of the air is unlike any other place I have been and the almost carries away my burdens. But, this day I was not to dwell. Shortly after I had setup a fire outside the temple of Aeridin Mala exited the temple. I think I startled her, sitting there and all but she was glad for the company. We smiled and chatted next to the fire for a time and then I presented her with a bag of coin for the trip home. I could tell this pleased her and we returned to Hlint where she could attend to many unfinished tasks.
We even ran into brother Daniel. He was just leaving the bank and heading to mine some copper. Already heading in that direction we invited Daniel to join us but Mala left her gem chisel back in Hlint and so as she shrouded herself in order to retrieve it, Daniel and I stood and talked for a time. Daniel said something that made me laugh so hard I almost hurt. I do not remember the exact words but he was quite surprised at the color of my skin and thought it, originally to be some sort of mask. He was so emberassed but I tried my best to assure him that I took no offense. I fear my laughter may have made him uneasy.
Being as dark as I am and yet human, I stand out. My size doesn't help. Perhaps long ago I may have taken offense but I have come to expect some curiosity and questioning regarding it. Our parents never spoke of where they were from, only that it was a long and tiring journey that brought them to Haven. I suppose that because I am so different it has made it easier to accept those that are also different. Regardless...
Mala returned to us shortly and set to chiseling rough gems from the stone. After filling her pouches and some of mine we continued deeper into the caves until we were joined by a man named Thane and Lokri. Lokri I've described before. Thane is a man as adept with his hands and feet as some are with iron blades or a bow. In the deepest caverns we fought a horde of goblins and their leader but they could not stand against us for long. They lack organization and discipline. On the way out, though, Mala nearly fell to an ambush. Fortunately, I was able to distract them and with a wide stroke of my hammer slew many in one blow. With their attention diverted the others were able to quickly tend to Mala's wounds.
The rest of the day went much the same. We assisted Thane and Mala in many endeavors and soon we found ourselves and many others in the Haven mines. I chanced a look in Imogen's open window as we passed through and saw her resting quietly. I pray every day the the Lord Protector will guide me in helping her and in what it is that I am to do. I simply do not know if I am worthy of being one of his chosen. Not after what happened...
The mines.. yes.. we ventured into the mines. I thought Lokri was wreckless and headstrong before but I'd not seen this side of him, careening and charging down halls, tearing into ogres... and abandoning his comrades for the furry of battle. Not all of those with us were skilled enough to stand alone against these fierce creatures. Mala shrouded herself with magicks and left at some point. While I wish to see her safely to the surface I knew her to be far more capable of slipping past the ogres and those with Lokri would need my help. Luckily, none among us fell, though it was very close at times. Crazy Dwarf.
The rest of my time I spent assisting others in finishing their tasks, mundane and otherwise. Iago, Sasha, Rawkwin, Ael... We traveled over much area from the Grey Peaks to Velensk and the mountains beyond. It was a grand venture. The rocks themselves rise up in those mountains and attempt to drive you to the ground. I wonder what causes that..
While my head is clear and my thoughts more fluid they drift even more to my poor dear Imogen. I just don't know where to start. I could tell everyone I meet but what would that do? How would that help?
-
If you have been found guilty of something it is likely best that, in the future, you avoid completely even the possible appearance of repeating the offense again. Such was a recent problem with Mith...
It seems he was noticed by more than one individual following a group that set out into the lands of Xantril. In this group was Anna. I can not imagine the fear and dread this stirred in here that he may, once again, be up to his old tricks. Quill and Seteece were livid. Within the Freelancers we are family, or, we are supposed to be. It seems a recently returned founder was once a good friend of Mith's and has told him of the babies' fate. Many are worried for they are rumored to be on another plane and Mith, himeself, is rumored to be a planes shifter.
Regardless, Quill and Set spoke harshly to Mith and I thought that to be enough so I simply observed in case things got out of hand. I didn't want a carelessly flung spell to cause the death of innocents nearby. Eventually they all settled to venture to the Arena in Valensk and attempt to mediate their differences there. It was near that time that Celgar came along and began to torment Mith. Ireth also too interest in the proceedings and made quick pace down the road toward Velensk, right behind Anna and Quill. I was sure fighting might break out right there in Hlint but even Mith kept his temper in check. The arena was another story.
Mith and Quillwem were at one another in the arena and according to Mith he allowed Quill to win at first because he wanted Lee to feel better. I've no stomache for this sort of manipulation. Celgar... well, Celgar took pot shots at Mith every time he was weakened and bested him a number of times.. Mith returned the malice while I yelled at both of them at the top of my lungs to cease. Celgar, however, is the instigator in this instance and I reported him as soon as we left, though Mith was given mention as well. I have heard nothing since. Without a fight Mith also let Ireth run him through with her blades.. though I understand well, from my time with Anna, why he would allow this without a fight.
Path showed up shortly before Celgar and Mith went at it in earnest and seemed a bit put out by the whole affair. He hasn't known Anna as long as the rest of us and his dealings with her are limitted. From his demeanor I can tell that he does not trust that Mith has done anything to her. I don't know that I trust the man. He seems to place himself higher than others.. well, all are equal under the law.
Mith made many statements, none of which stuck as they were mostly empty threats or piteous attempts at sympathy. He suffers a fate of his own design, I'm afraid, and redemption nor forgiveness come as quickly as he would have it. Quill and others left ahead of him and then after his fight with Celgar as well as his slaying by Ireth's hand he too departed. Seeing that Ireth comforted Anna I headed out the door on a hunch only to see Mith do something odd and then walk off.
There on the ground he left something behind. Its purpose was obvious to me. In some manner it was meant to antagonize Anna and just after I picked it up he returned, telling me of a temple of Shadison hidden on Xantril. Why does he wish to tell me this? I needed to put in that report.. I think it hovered in the back of my head so strongly that I only heard half of what he said and then he was gone. By the Gold, that man is as unpredictable as a rain cloud. You never know when he's going to rain on you, blow by on the breeze, hit you with lightening or tear apart an entire village with barbaric winds. I took his words with a bit of salt and then went to report the nights festivities.
On my way back I visited with Quillwem and Path.. Quill was torn.. My friend. I know how he feels to have struck out in anger.. but the magicks of the arena have spared him my shame and regret, thankfully.
I don't think they know.. or.. perhaps Anna is just too blind with fear and grief to see that I see. I am happy that her heart is on the mend. It sets my soul at ease that her fate and my Imogen's are not twin fates and that she holds hope. My burden feels lessened and yet.. I still carry one that, at times, threatens to bring me low. Perhaps Anna can help show Imogen the way after all.. or perhaps she can help find those that will.. I pray.. nay.. I beseech the Lord Protector.. even if my actions of so long ago have soiled me in your eyes that you will guide us in her healing.. protector her from the horrors that haunt her..
//added later in a different ink
Ran into the one known as Hood or.. Caldiir. It had been some time since I'd seen him and I felt all that anger boil up inside me. He ran off with the coin purse of a noble and left us to pay for his transgressions. Were it not so long ago or were we back on Mistone at the time I would have charged him with wanton endangerment and theft. Its drow like him that give those few redeemed individuals a bad name...
-
I recieved a note from Lord Duvall today. His answers bring hope to my faith but I still fight, merely to keep my course and not to step down. The nightmares come occasionally now on nights that I do not drink of Ozymandias's draught. They hover over and strike at me. Thank the gold for dreamless sleep, for without it I would be addled and insane.
I think I'll keep this letter here as a reminder of why I joined the service of the Gold.
//placed inside and unfolded so that it takes its own place as a page in his journal is the once sealed letter from Lord Duvall.
Dear Brother, Let me begin by saying that the fact that we are inperfect is the reason why Rofirein cares for us so greatly. We do make mistakes and we do not act as we should act. It is this very nature that makes us human. However Rofirein looks into the hearts of people and challenges them to become better individuals. There are some of those people who have the potential to be shining examples to others and to these Rofirein speaks especially for he is ever hopeful that we can improve the lives of those around us. That we can be a light in the darkness of humanity bringing people to know whats true and right. People like you and I serve the Will of the Dragon. We can be what we are without being a Knight or a priest or have some official title and rank. These are nothing to Rofirien for he looks directly into our hearts. So as too can a lay member act in the same capacity of people like us I say no, they cannot. We are here to guide such people in matters of faith, to be examples to them of how to divine true justice and to follow the will of the Dragon. Ours is a higher calling and one which we have a heavy responsibility to follow. We are always looked to as this example and Rofirein has seen that we are stronger in our nature to be able to work through problems and see the right of things. But even in saying that sometimes we can fail as well. It is whether we allow that failure to drag us from the path to follow the Will of the Dragon or makes us stronger in ensuring we do not allow it to happen again. We are the faith, we are Rofireins chosen. Chosen to stand at the forefront of scrutiny, the forefront of justice and the forefront of the Will of Rofirein and be judged by all. The challenge is for us to withstand that judgement so that people can see how to improve their lives and live in the love of Rofirein. I pray that this helps you in your time of self-doubt. May the Light of the Dragon be with you, Tarradon Duvall
-
It has been years since I picked up this tome.. years since I was moved to chronicle the goings on of things and my experiences in this world. Even now the quill hesitates in my hand. It is hard to write. Ironic, really.. the first true statement, ever, that my quill.. my lips... even my heart is loathe to let free; as if the telling or writing of it makes it any more real...
Mother had sent urgent word to me in Fort Vehl, pleading for me to return home immediately. A hundred possible reasons fled through my mind, forcing my trek to Haven to take on even more urgency. I truthfully did not rest during the entire trip. I could not.
Thoughts flooded my mind about the state of mother or father or my siblings and even though it was not at the forefront of my mind, my heart knew what this was about. I denied it without even thinking. I hid it from myself until it was right before me... until I was in the house of my parents, their tears pouring forth at the sight of me.. my mother's arms begging to hold still my movement as my pace took me to the doorway of that familiar room.
Standing there it hit me how little it had changed in over ten years, as though not a day had passed since Imogen's retreat. I stood there at the threshold for moments without end, afraid to cross or be seen.... but nothing happened. I didn't even notice the priestess of Aeridin till she excused herself from the room, politely pressing past me. I was in a trance.
My eyes were held fast by the form laying on the bed. The bony fingers and sunken features were almost alien to me. Her sleeping gown betrayed the withering form beneath and her uneven, shallow breaths spoke as loud as my breaking heart. I knew as my feet carried me to her bedside that this could be the last chance I would have to ask her forgiveness.. to hope that the storm inside her might calm.
Her eyes had opened as I knelt down next to her and bowed my head. I could not look into those eyes.. not with all my strength.. not with all the strength ever gifted by my Lord to every holy warrior that ever existed in his name. It was her frail hands that found the strength to right my sight and squeeze my own. Her eyes looked to me full of water, pleading. For what, I may never know. With what must have been the last of her strength she softly whispered my name and then quietly slipped away.
*in shaky, heavy scripting* My Imogen is dead..
-
Sometimes it is hard not to feel alone in this world. People dying, turning their backs on their friends... It can all seem so pointless at times. Amusing, it seems
Imogen.. she still comes to me in my dreams, though she says nothing. She looks at me with that same expression. She needs something.. wants something so desperately but can not voice it. Her eyes plead with me for an eternity and then her body slumps and disappears.
Anna's son's naming is coming up in a few days. I just hope I can hold myself together. I pray the Lord Protector give me strength.
-
Lindel's naming ceremony was wonderful. I wish I had been able to bring something or that I could have stayed longer. He grows so fast and you can see how bright he is by looking into those eyes. I knew he could tell I was not well... so I excused myself.
I wandered and I'm not sure how I ended up there but my feet found their way so that I was standing in the rain in front of Imogen's grave, still holding the plant. I gave in to a feeling. A need. I dropped right there, to my knees, and dug in the wet and freshly moved soil with my hands and when there was room I put the plant in the hole I had made and filled it in just like mother had shown me.
I returned home, feeling a little better; a little less torn.
Father has taken ill. He can't work the forge. I've taken it on myself.
-
Five years. Five years pumping the bellows and working the iron. In that time I acted for Rofirein here in Haven and the surrounding areas but was it enough? I feel no different. Rofirein's blessings are still upon me and so it is now that I set out to do his work yet again..
Like a curtain being lifted I watched through the smithy window as the darkness covering the skies fled. It was that same day that Father awoke from his sickness.
Imogen's resting place looks like a beautiful garden now that the sun has touched all of the plants that I brought there. Lindel's looked almost lonely and the more life and color I brought to that bare patch of dirt the more it filled that hole within me. Before... Imogen would have been happy to sit and read, surrounded by all their blooms. May the Lord Protector guard her rest.
I feel that this time in reflection has let me let go of some things, things that were holding me back from my duties. Mayhap, Rofirein, gave me this time knowing it would be good for me. I can not say. I can only tell that he is with me.
-
The world has moved on as it always does when time passes but those I've called friend still linger. The Freelancers are no more but those that made that group what it was move forward still, with the added help of Ireth. Anna has come far and Lindel is a sight for my eyes. Were I to ever have a son I could not hope to be more pleased. Wishfull thinking on my part..
I have more nieces and nephews than I can keep track of. Mother and father will be moving to Western Gate soon, to live with Kendra and her husband Lutien. He is a good man, though a bit afraid of me. I fear I made a bad impression back when they were married. I've tried to make good on that, though, by helping them when I am able. Mayhap telling him that if he ever raised a hand to her I'd have him in the stocks was too strong for our first meeting. He treats her well and she is happy. That is all I can hope for.
She will soon be giving birth to her second child. The first, Melina, is a beautiful child and she knows it. She's excited and hopes for a brother.
The old home in Haven is going to have to go. Somehow I always thought it'd be there. I'll need to pack up Imogen's room. Maybe some of her treasures will bring joy to some of her nieces or the orphans that Miss Jennara and Anna are always looking after.
-
Friends are such blessings. It was a happy day.. I don't remember exactly what I was doing but there was this familiar voice. I turned around and it was Mala. As quiet and as reserved as ever yet when she is able she does not hesitate to join me in whatever task it is I may need to do. Being an Elf it does not seem she has aged a day in all the time I have called her friend.
She has such a slight form so I worry should anything we encounter turn on her. I protect her as best I can but there have been times where we were overwhelmed. The cave near the Gloom Wood is one such place. It is filled with oozing, slippery, disgusting things. Were it not for the minerals and ore it holds it would be best to colapse it.
I enjoy Mala's company and she is a very determined woman. For these reasons I am unable to ask her to stay behind.
-
Made a report recently. Unlikely much will come from it but I decided to copy it hear to keep the events fresh in my mind.
Location: North Point/Willows Weep
Less than two weeks I stopped in the town of North Point as I was wandering Dregar, assisting its people in their every day tasks and keeping my eyes open for those that would threaten them.
While in North Point I took some time to reflect. After guiding a Dwarf and another to the local pub I noticed there was a large gathering. I stayed with them in the pub as they all seemed friendly enough and spoke with them, trying to see what might have brought all these people to this place. My answer was short in the coming. The hostess announced that the man they were meant to meet was waiting outside so I thanked her and stepped out.
*a brief description of the man follows* Though I did not get his name, this man offered to hire people to go after a caravan to stop it from reaching its destination. My direct questions of his intentions were met with redirection or flatly ignored. There were others that thought as I did and so he left and shortly after a child returned, delivering notes that I believe revealed the man's intent. Those that showed feelings of concern did not get letters and I regret that I was unable to gather one. They were very careful with them.
I reported this, with a description of the man and his intent, to the authorities of North Point as well as Willows Weep but by this time the others were long gone. The caravan's exact nature or its owner was never revealed to me though it followed the normal route along the River of Shards.
Without the information I think to have been held in those letters, I was informed, it would be impossible for me to track down the exact Caravan. They are many.
The following are names and descriptions of people who recieved the letter. If something is found that might be related they should be brought in and questioned.
Arynne, a young lady, tall.. bit shy of six foot. Dark brown hair, green eyes and ears not quite as pointed as most elves I've seen.
Wimkin, best I could tell he was gnome or halfling...
Westanny, asked to be called West, stood a good six feet tall, grey hair.. a magicker of some calling.
A halfing they called Lino, quick in his step and quiet as the wind.
Soigo, a gnome.. dressed almost all in white.
There was another Dwarf.. he was loud mouthed but his name was never spoken and I could not get a good look at him.
The report is signed and dated
~Caighd Brendimeere
Freas, Febra 13, 1422
-
Mala says she's been marked by a Dark Elf. She said he told her he'd come for her. Won't be the first time I've butted heads with their kind and likely not the last. Seems like most Dark Elves just aren't any good. I know a few that are but I can count them on one hand.
For her own protection I've asked that Reus let her stay in the room I've been using at the temple. Lord help me I have made a promise to protect her and I will not let her down.
-
Helped a Dwarf on a pilgrimage to the Dwarven halls in the Brech Mountians. Met a man named Shiff. I'm not sure what he's all about but he's not too polite and more than a little full of himself.
Helped clear up a mess in Krandor not long ago. Some necromancer got a foothold in the crypts and was building up his power. It was a lot of running around, gathering bits for some magicker's ritual. Then after that was done we went down to the deepest tombs. I fell as I went to pull Jennara to safety. The necromancer's creations were powerful but in the end his weakness was found and he was stripped of his power.
Miss Jennara told me not to let them smash his focus inside the town but I was too late. It let loose a terrible looking smoke and was done. No telling what might happen but things are calm for right now. Miss Jennara was real mad though.
Mala seems to be doing alright. That first day she told me about the Dark Elf I knew something was wrong. She was shaking like a leaf and held tight soon as she saw me. She's not done that before. Its amazing how strong a person can be one moment and how fragile the next. Though I would never think or call her weak. It was simply a side I had not seen before. We all have our moments.
It was a few days after our meeting that Miss Jennara came along and brought to my attention the circles and burning statues that had started showing up. Some man tried to kill Shiff because of these. I informed the temple. The assassin had been caught and was going to meet the one that would pay him in Vehl, on the docks. We watched for a very long time but no one came. I also made a report to the temple about the circles and the statues and the people that were missing.
I made sure Mala was safe and went to Hempstead to patrol the farm lands. Nothing. Frustrating. Very Frustrating.
_____________________________________________________
An update to this.. The wizard was dealt with. Those poor people. I regret I was not there. I did lend a hand cleaning up the mess from the statues and circles.
-
Mylindra and Storold sent me on quite a hunt. I haven't had such fun since I was a child. Clues and chests and a very personal gift. An enchanted Holy Symbol.
I met up with Clarissa on my journey and it is a good thing too. Storold had hidden a clue in an old dungeon that we found was home to a clan of were creatures. I don't think he realized. I hope he didn't. It was a heck of a fight to be sure. The clues were superb and in the end took me to the Rofirein shrine in Huangjin. There I found a small box with my Lord's symbol within. It has a glow about it. Mylindra said it would help keep me in good health so that I may better protect those that I watch over in our Lord's name.
Mylindra offered me a very nice place to stay at the Twin Dragon's Inn in Leringard and seeing as the old Freelancer is being fixed I decided that that was a good place for me to be. I hope that I can keep up on paying her. I've not slept in a bed that I could stretch out on... ever. Its very comfortable and my first rest was better than it has been in ages.
I'm going to go check on Mala. I'm sure Mylindra will not have issue with her using my room for a time and that will free up the room at the temple for one of the Acolytes. I'll have to test one of those big chairs by the fire to see how well it sleeps.
I hear the Western Gate Cathedral will be finished soon. The Vehl temple will seem a lot smaller when that happens.
-
Mala's doing well enough I spose.. I have to believe that her fears are lessened under the current conditions. I'm a little afraid to leave her alone but she does not need me standing over her and I do not think that best for her either.
My skills with the forge grow daily. Sad that it took my father having to lay in a bed for me to really get back into it, but still. I hope that the temple will be able to make use of the armors and shields I craft.
Had a real run in with Shiff a little while back. Someone's panther was being a bit playfull and Shiff didn't take kindly to it. I lured it outside town with a bit of fresh fish but Shiff decided to sneak up on the creature and surprise it by barking. Well, it was very startled and took a swipe at him and rather than let me take care of it Shiff laid into the big cat, trying to wrestle and subdue it. When I tried to seperate the two of them Shiff kicked me in the knees. Didn't think I'd get up after that with my knees being what they are....
Thankfully, Anna happened along and calmed him... the cat. I have not seen her that angry in an age. I'd almost feel sorry for Shiff but he did boot me in the knees. She summoned a cat the size of a horse. I've never seen her summon before but that was some cat. The owner of the cat wasn't pleased with Shiff either.
I could tell she was shaken. She doesn't like getting riled like that. I almost think it makes her feel guilty afterward. And so I ended up returning with her to the Weary Traveler. We talked most the evening about this and that and every time I turned or made a move that looked like I might leave she.. well, I could tell she did not wish to be on her own. So we ended up, her curled up with Lindel on some pillows and me perched on the rest, reading a story. I'm not sure when I fell asleep but Lindel had the book on him when I woke.
I could hardly stand the next day. Blasted knees. Anna had some salves and her healing songs helped get me going again. I just have to walk it out and keep from getting down on the ground. Thank the Lord Protector for Anna.
-
*small ink marks dot the top of this page like so much sand*
It's been a while.... I spose there's a great deal to note. Some of it's not so clear any more.
I met and had to turn away the affections of a lady named Emmalee. It was harder than I thought but it was the right thing to do.
I proposed to Honora and gave her a real nice ring with a dolphin and a dragon though nothing came of it. Her business in Erylin and mine with the church kept us apart too much. The children she had adopted have all grown and impressed me greatly. Maybe I'll get into all that later. We share the house in Prantz and I've used much of my room for storage now as the children have their own lives to lead and I return to the forge to clear my mind.
As I've always said hard work is good for the soul. All the armor I make I've donated to the church.. Platinum isn't so hard now and I make regular trips to the cave in the Battlehelm Moores.
There was that trial a long time back with Saida, an enchantress and something more. I'm not sure but she seems to be able to charm people with just her eyes too. I should have wrote on it sooner. She'd been charming people in Hempstead and such and making them do things.. mostly childish stuff but she made some guards threaten us once and that was well beyond my limit so when I found her next Abigail was on to her. Brian was with us too... We followed her into the wood along the southern trade route and she actually set bandits on us and cast some scary looking magic. Though I found later it was likely just illusions to scare.. I just don't understand this magicking stuff. Anyway, she was casting again so I took her down and held her in a bear hug. Physically she's such a small, delicate thing.. I must have caused her to pass out.
So, I bound her hands and fingers and decided that since she'd escaped from Vehl that I'd make the journey with her to Spellgard. Brian wanted none of that and gave her a swift kick to the head.. I was so angry. I had her and he didn't need to do that. She wasn't a threat to anyone all tied up and blind folded... but I didn't have time to react to him because she started bleeding something fierce. I stripped the cloth from her head and ripped off my gauntlets, allowing The Lord Protector's gift to flow though me and heal her injury. I used several other minor healings as well as bandages and all the healing I know...
I reported Brian's actions, formally, to the church in case miss Saida would wish to press charges on him later and we traveled with her to Spellgard. I made sure she ate and drank but she never woke fully till Clarielle used her own gifts on her. She weren't none to impressed with Brian's work either. It was there in Spellgard that miss Saida would spend a fair bit of time till the trial, locked in a cell with her magicks held somehow. I tried to ignore the look on her face but it's what you might think a bird would look like if suddenly their wings were taken from them...
Shortly after leaving Spellgard I got word that miss Saida had asked for me to defend her at trial. I won't pretend that I wasn't shocked. So, I went to speak to Reus on it and to ask if it were... okay. He bid me to do what i thought best and said it violated no laws or codes of conduct so I traveled to Spellgard to speak with miss Saida and figure things out. It was a long trip.
-
So, I went to Spellgard to speak with miss Saida and expecting trickery but what I found was a scared little mouse. Clarielle spoke to her of what I had done to save her life and she seemed grateful. She wanted out but I couldn't grant that. There were charges that had to be answered.
Saida looked pale. She would barely eat. It seemed my likening her to a bird with its wings taken away was more right than wrong. She looked lost and like she hadn't slept but she spoke with me..
After the first session of the trial, held in Hlint and under the close watch of Lucindite protectors, a slight man dressed in dark clothes with a cowl came to me. He spoke of justice and Saida's innocence and I think he may have threatened me or the court now that I look back on it. People like that always seem to hide their real intent mixed up in the words they speak. He told me to mention the name Lairilweam to Saida when next I saw her. I did and her reaction spoke more than words could say. I saw the fear.
Miss Saida told me I should let him have his way, abandon the trial, whatever I needed to do so that he wouldn't get his claws into me. I couldn't do that either. She said he uses people.. finds ways to make them do what he wants. I'm still not sure what his game is but he wants power. That much is clear and miss Saida agreed. She was desperate to leave, even more so since I mentioned that name... With Clarielle's permission we allowed her a walk within the temple even against my better judgement. It brightened her spirits for a time and then she tried to escape but the protectors were quick to retake her. Sadly, she would be allowed no more walks because of that.
It only slipped down hill after that. The Prosecutor pulled out of the trial and was replaced by someone less capable.. I'm sure it was this Lairilweam's doing. I could sense it in his tone when he showed himself to me again. He was a knight of the church but I believe his family was threatened and so he moved far away. I sent word to the judge and warned those involved. I think he's a dark elf... and he threatened me though not in so many words. He meant things that weren't said plainly but I wouldn't back down. He wanted Saida cleared of all charges but that's not how things work and i told him as much. I sent a sealed letter to the judge and spoke to him in chambers about all of it and I think I did pretty well seeing as this was my first time as counsel in a trial. It was exciting in a way.
I was able to get murder taken off the charges because she had never killed anyone as we knew and I don't believe she did. There wasn't any evidence either. So, she was held accountable for misuse.. It's slippery ground as there are no laws clearly held about misuse but she did step on other people's rights.. using them against their will with magic. So, with my suggestion the judge sentenced her to ten years community service at Spellgard under supervision of the Lucindites. She wasn't happy at all.. but she weren't angry either. She was sad and afraid.
That was the last I saw her for a while. Because of my contact with the shadow man I wasn't allowed to visit with her any more and could not ride with her on the trip back to Spellgard but that trip wasn't to be. Sometime after the trial and all the people had taken rooms in the inn or left town shadows came to life where they were holding miss Saida. Saida disappeared, one protector was hurt and the other dead. Storold was seriously upset and I wasn't none to happy either.
-
It must have been a week or two later that I found a note slipped under the door where I was staying back then. There was an address.. 193 Lake of Glass. Storold and Marec were nearby and so they came with me to check up on it. I had a nagging idea about what I'd find but we travled, taking a ship from Leringard to Hempstead and then hopping a ship to Alindor. We rested after buying food and drink from The Weary Traveler.
I find marching across Alindor an experience that is usually pleasant but this time I was upset. The house wasn't hard to find but it was empty. I knocked several times and then turned to leave. Without any proof to back the things going through my mind there was no hope we'd be able to enter the house to search.
As we walked away I was approached by a robed person and Storold was the first to suspect but it was Saida. When she spoke I knew the sound of her voice. She didn't want me to say anything but i objected and wished to know what was going on... Who sent me the not? What is this game all about?
Control. It was about control. The shadow was still trying to pull my strings but I'm sure he had no idea how his own lack of control would pull harder than any scheme he could think of. After trying to warn me off she pulled back her hood and it was like I was back in the market place in Haven watching Imogen do the exact same thing. I don't know if I was more mad at that moment or after I remembered when and where I was. He doesn't tolerate failure she said... I could barely say anything, I was struck so dumb.
Storold protested but I called Marec and Storold to leave with me, asking Storold later if he'd seen any illusion on Saida. I couldn't trust her fully but I could not bring myself to take her in knowing this man would hurt her more when he kidnapped her from wherever I kept her and that she, not he, would be held responsible for the injury and death of those that guarded her in Hlint. Above all I could not bear to do that to her and still honor my baby sister's memory. I wasn't going to play his game and I didn't wish to see Saida hurt any more.
I checked into the owner of the house and land at 193 Glass Lake... it's registered to a Le'ran Pa'fiream. As far as I can tell he doesn't exist. This Lairilweam, it seems, goes by many names.
-
I didn't see Saida for some time again but she found me in Hempstead twice. I wanted to help her. The first time she was with a man, walking, and she stopped to say hello. The second time we talked at the fountain for a while. She told me that she was going to marry into a Noble family of some import. Rothsford was the name. She was doing this for the shadow man. He wanted power in Hempstead and they were his way in. It didn't help even though she told me he would be there personally to close any deal with Rothsford. This shadow doesn't trust anyone and it must be a matter of point that he has to issue orders directly.
I wanted to use this to our advantage. I needed something to even the field. So, I spoke with Ralinda about this and she offered to build a trap that would remove all shadow from a place, at least for a time. Sadly, I have not seen her in ages and I hadn't seen Saida. I'd hoped she'd escaped or found a way out but then, not long ago, a clerk at the Vehl temple was asking me questions about the case. I thought it was odd but there were things about the trial that I had missed in my reports and I started hearing her name again. Then I spoke to Jennara who told me that Saida Rothsford had applied for a position at the Tower Academy and Elohanna had asked her to look into Saida's record. Not long after that I ran into Elohanna.
Saida'd used her power to make miss Elohanna do what she wanted.. or tried anyway. Miss Elohanna didn't know about the shadow or any of that but I told her and for now the Academy isn't doin anything till I can speak to Saida. I only hope she still trusts me. This may be our best chance to get hold of him.
So, I'm making regular rounds of the area where miss Elohanna said she went to the Rothsford estate hoping Saida will get word to me.. If that don't work I'm going to send her a formal request for an audience. Or, maybe miss Elohanna should.... if I want to keep this from the Shadow. Saida's had meanings between her words too and I may be thick headed but I got the feeling she isn't the only one under his boot. I'll have to meet with Elohanna.. I don't know how much we can trust message delivery.
-
Another day and nothing from Saida... I'll find Elohanna tomorrow but for now I've a few more things to put here in these pages.
I don't know what possessed me but I found myself on Belinara, in Kuhl of all places a few years back. I must have boarded the wrong ship... again. I just don't have any reason for it.. There were others I knew there.. Miss Alantha, Miss Angela and Miss Katrien to name a few. It was a mess from the start.
There was a little girl telling everyone how her mom's painting, the only thing she had of any worth, was taken by the Lord and his men. It was surely not an uncommon thing around here but it just seemed wrong. Nobody in town talked much and they talked even less to any of us. None of em. The Lord was a tyrant but under the state of Kuhl and its situation I'm not surprised. His guards weren't no more than thugs, harassing and stealing from the citizens. Most of them looked as though they barely ate... Though it aint no excuse it wouldn't surprise me if they had to steal to live.
Some decided to try and speak to the Lord. I tried to speak to the citizens and some of the guard with no luck at all. Passing the bridge into the Lord's area of town I was caught breathless.. I can only think that my belief about thieving this town was right. I lost count of the number of heads on pikes at that end of the bridge but I set myself straight and continued.
When I caught up to the others they had decided to leave but I wished to give it one more try. As I passed I noted some of the group were trying to sneak in a window in the back so I shut and barred it before talking to the guards at the door. Well, they weren't open to questions I guess so when they decided to take me to the dungeon i went along without a fight. I don't regret that, it gave me time to get a good look at their law and I wasn't going to be made an example of for asking to have an appointment of with the Lord, so I disarmed and subdued the thug putting me in the cell. Caerwyn was already in there.
The two of us made our way out. I made use of my maul and its lightning to subdue any and all I could but an alarm was raised and when we got outside the rest of the group was nearby. It was finish the job or give up. The guard quickly lost their courage and hid after the Lord was taken by members of the group. I tried to get them to subdue only but few would listen. Those deaths still weigh on me.. The one calling herself Tyra took vengeance on the Lord for the little girl when she found him.. the cowardly fool was hiding under a bed. Tyrants are like that most times... scared and mean they take their fears out on those they rule over. Take away their followers and they turn meek and humble or just plain cowardly like this one.
I tried to organize some work to set this town on the right foot but I was alone in my attempt. Many others took the Lord from the town and went to Lor. At least I filled a few bellies before I left. It wasn't long before a new Lord came to claim this one's place and without someone who could challenge his claim I had to leave peaceably... and sad for all those broken people.
-
The shadow shows itself again. I was making a regular mining trip for Platinum in the cave there in the Battlehelms and I was in a bit over my head, too. So it seemed. He showed up and helped me fight off the trolls..
I wanted to take him low, to see him bound tight in rope and chain and thrown in the brightest cell I could find. Lord Protector bless me, I had the wisdom and control to keep from making such a foolish attempt. He made no move to attack me and so I listened, ready for whatever he might try. He knew I was up to my neck in his business again.. his business with Saida and the Tower Academy and Miss Elohanna. I could feel my gut pressing at my throat and the heat in my armor was like the desert sun was on me. He's got this way of talkin to you... like he's beyond everything... like he can't be touched. Well, his day is coming and when the Lord Protector's claw comes down on him he won't be able to squirm free or slip into the shadow.
He knew. I knew before he even said anything.. It hadn't been that long since I talked to Miss Elohanna and I made sure I walked by the Rothsford estate real regular. The blasted shadow wanted me to stop interfering. He wanted Saida to find student. He called her his favorite pet. For a moment I thought maybe he seemed like it was more than that... but it don't matter. Pet... friend... love.. you don't treat any of them like he's treated her. Far as I know that's how he treats them all. My death there in the cave would have served no purpose and I've seen his work. No, we'll level this field when it's time. Then, before he left he changed his mind. He wants me to do everything I can to make sure Saida gets in.. No, he expects me to get her in.
Mother forgive me I cursed so loud when he left that I brought down a wandering group of trolls on myself. Well, I dealt with them and I didn't feel like mining no longer. So, I made the long trip to Hempstead.
A few days after I'd got back I ran into Saida. She was sittin at the fountain there next to the Crimson Eagle Memorial. Far as i can tell she didn't seem mad at me or nothing so I joined her and we talked a bit. She had a guard with her and she sent him off so we could talk. I think I spooked her talking about having a visit from a shadow.. I know I did.
It's odd. I don't know what I was expecting.. Part of me thought she might like this noble life she'd gotten slipped into. Part of me knew she was a free spirit and liked to go where and when she pleased... She told me she didn't love Lord Rothsford. Don't know why... She asked if I'd ever loved.. Of all the things to ask.. and of all the people I've cared for it was Imogen that flooded my mind. It's little wonder though... Don't think I've cared for anyone like I did my baby sister.. still... don't know what's going on. Maybe there's someone Miss Saida wishes to see again that she aint seen in a long time.
She wouldn't talk about what was going on.. I didn't expect she would. She did invite me to tea. She invited me to tea where she had a candle that didn't cast no shadows. Soon as I have a chance to talk to her alone, then I'll talk to Miss Elohanna again.
A candle that casts no shadows.. Now that sounds promising.
-
Enjoying a walk a while back in the Silkwood I joined up with Miss Daniella and a man by the name of Razerium.. or Raz. That's what miss Daniella called him. Been a long time since I joined in with a Toranite that didn't give me a sour look or three... a long while. I know I've been busy but that old Navarre business sure fouled the air for a long time.
He was a good man in my eyes. He made amends and when time came to pay for he did, he did so without any fuss. If only we could all be made of stock like that. There were a lot that didn't think that way though..
Anyway miss Daniella, Raz and I did some work to make sure the spiders' numbers are cut back. She'd said they had spilled out and there was some big ones the size of carts that had played havoc.. I was happy to help. Don't like spiders none at all.
That Razerium is a good swordsman. He's fast, that's for sure. I didn't see much come close to touching him and he didn't have on armor near as hardened as miss Daniella or I.
Miss Daniella seems nice and a right honorable lady. Long time ago one of her best friends was a blessed warrior of Rofirein like myself..
On our way out we got dropped on by a whole swarm of spiders. I've no doubt the Lord Protector helped to harden my amor and my resolve as we fought.