The World of Layonara
The Layonara Community => Just for Fun => Topic started by: Desicardo on June 19, 2006, 08:35:42 PM
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You would hire into a new place of employment where you would have about 10% chance of successfully doing your job. You would train and learn and improve until you could do your job without fail, then you don't get paid anymore unless you take a harder job and start all over again.
You would drive to work or to the store armed just in case there is a Giant standing outside the entrance.
Your neighbors daughter would come to you asking you to retrieve her grandfathers ashes she lost to a monster while roaming the through the city mausoleum. Even after you almost die trying to return them, she is out at all hours of the night roaming the graveyard. Protective services should be called.
You could portal to another city from your closet but then have to walk home.
You are forced to carpool because it just isn't safe to drive to work alone. (ok, this one isn't too far off for some people)
You go to the park for a picnic and are attacked by 3 giant spiders and a 400 pound beetle.
Bandaids can cure the common cold or flu. (this one would be nice)
You are beaten and hacked to within a half a breath of dieing to get enough wood to make a mahogony dining room table. (Home Depot on Sunday does come close though)
You are forced to drive a couple hundred miles out of the way to avoid being ambushed by orc archers when going to visit relatives.
Your wife hits you with a fireball as she is trying to kill the ogre that is about to cut your head off while on a romantic walk in the woods.
You go to visit your grandmother's grave and have to kill 12 skeletons before you can leave flowers, then have to kill the same 12 skeletons again in order to get back to the cemetary gate.
You have to search 200 square miles of desert in order to fill 2 dozen sandbags.
.... How many am I missing?
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Hee Hee
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The daily cycle of the sun has nothing to do with your sleeping habits (this is true for layo players as well ;P )
In fact, the only time you sleep is when you need to prepare more spells which is sometimes as often as every ten minutes.
Griffons are the leading cause of fatalities in the tri continent area.
Everyone is "stunningly beautiful"
All women have perfect butts and huge *coughs*
Despite the above there is not a single hooters franchise
You think gravedigger is your dream job since you have the impession you get to stand about in the bar all day getting loaded
You have to wonder when walking down the street who is an NPC and who is a PC.
Its easy to tell if that shady guy in the alley is going to mug you. If he is, he'll show up red when you press tab. If he shows up blue you're safe.
Coins acctually have no weight.
You don't need to buy a raincoat because it never rains in hlint.
Eggs are worth more than a commoner makes in a month. Each.
You can't chop down a christmas tree unless you have marital training.
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Funny!
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*laughs*
I've spent all too much time running through Thousands of miles of desert for sand. :)
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Talan Va'lash - 6/20/2006 12:49 AM
You can't chop down a christmas tree unless you have marital training.
I like the idea that you have to go to school to learn how to be married before you can chop your own Christmas tree. That's just funny.
I love typos that spell real words.
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You spend a small fortune on necklaces of shield, buying oak shortbows in exchange for magic helms etc, only to find that wards, shields protective will only last up to the point you *REALLY* them and will then. irrespective of when you activated them all fail at once - This like having the airbags and seatbags on your care disapear just your brakes fall as you approach a run away oil tanker at 90mph
The average tavern drink costs more than you earn in a week
Estate agents never go bankrupt even though they haven't had houses to sell for years.
You can manage to survive life happily without fear, even if you continually to sell poorly made axes, picks and shovels to people whos idea of fun is going out and killing something. You needn't offer refunds or replacements even if the customer breaks three in his first three swings.
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maked me laugh!
you can go weeks without eating, then suddenly eat like an elepahnt, then again eat nothing..... and still stay complete normal!
you can sit in front of a computer 10 years in a row, without getting your strenght, health, charisma and intelligence(?) drained (ooohh that would be nice)
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No matter how long you are down in an isolated cave filled with EVIL, you never have to stop to go to the bathroom in what used to be a demon's lair.
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These also came to mind:
You hunt almost everything from deer to bear to cats and wild boar, but you can't kill a cow to make a hamburger.
You hunt deer, which just stand there and let you shoot them, but when you get home you have to build a campfire in front of your house to cook the meat because you lack the skill to put the roast in the oven to cook it, or some of the ingredients would get you killed trying to obtain them. (Maybe someone needs to open a grocery store in Hlint?)
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"....You hunt almost everything from deer to bear to cats and wild boar, but you can't kill a cow to make a hamburger....."
The shame! :) Where are the BBQ hamburgers? hehe
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You can keep a fish, a goblins head and a slab of bear meat in your pack for weeks, and no one ever notices the smell.
You can chop down a 200 year old mahogany tree, and not get bothered by Greenpeace, and a few hours later, the tree has grown back again.
You can run the length of North America, and be only a little thirsty when you finish.
You can see the smell a skunk makes.
Bars, whilst banning dogs in most places, dont seem to bother if you strole in with an ox in tow.
Gardeners have the worst of it, they must spend a fortune in shovels.
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and nobody seems to mind when random people pick crops that are quite obviously not theirs (the only favorite being all the people that used to pick corn on Parts field.....the question isn't why he kept making killer scarecrows....the question is why he was paying people to kill them)
the same books get stolen buy the wererat, who hides in the same place, several times a day
fur traders would rather pay people to do their work for them, instead of doing the work themselves, so that they can pace around and watch other people make things from furs
there is always an unlimited supply of gobblins willing to take the normally short term roll of goblin leader
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"Patience is a virtue!"
Wait a few seconds before grabbing the head from the things you kill, or it might disappear!
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Goblins are smart enough to cast spells, but not smart enough to NOT sign up for chiefdom, or, come to think about it, smart enough to run away.
This applies to everything; nothing fears death but you.
Extermination is poitnless; there's alwys more. If you ahve vermin, move.
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Talan Va'lash - 6/19/2006 9:49 PM
You don't need to buy a raincoat because it never rains in hlint.
Not true! When Acacea was walking around in her mourning dress with the umbrella, I used to spawn the custom skyboxes with dark clouds and make thunder sound fx while she was talking in town. People would look up thinking that some demonic army was brewing, all freaking out and grouping up for protection... then I hit the weather-change wand and the raindrops came.
And everybody sighed in relief... ;)
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I didn't know Lonn was a DM...
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For five seconds, he dropped off right before I did. It was right before we teamed up with the Fantastic Four, Justice League, Mighty Mouse, Spider Man, the Hulk, Chuck Norris, the Transformers, all the little Gundam people, Ash and his Poke'mon, Megaman, and George Lucas to save the world. I'll tell you what, that super hero work really takes it out of you.
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Extermination is poitnless; there's alwys more. If you ahve vermin, move.
"So how have your day been?" "Oh, I got hit by a few new adventures, half of them drow lasses (stunningly ofcourse). I just respawned a few hours ago" "I got killed four times today *sighs*" "Man, I feel ya, life sucks" "year, maybe the next will be better, look there come the adventures again" "You together with Randy again?" "Nah, she is a slu" *whack! whack!*
Conversation between two red light goblins
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I just have one thing to say.
30-lb catfish. Now THERE's a catch. Better last more'n a meal, too.
I'm beginning to think that life on Layo wouldn't be so bad. No luck with the ladies? One Eagle's Splendour potion away.
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"when you wonder why a sundial does not work at night at the bottom of your garden"
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Aye, and when I finally graduate college this summer, I probably will return to active mind-bending. ;)
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A hard day of work consists of killing half a dozen orcs, follwed by a one sidded slaughter of giants, followed by going to the "forbidden woods" and killing things that would make nomal people drop to their knees and cower in fear, followed by neing chased away by a dragon that "shouldn't of been ther" follwed by cutting down half a forest just to make the bow to make ends meet. follwed by 3 days of waiting in town doing nothing by talking, followed by fighting vampires and not getting bitten once, then run away from the mob of liches that woke up.
Only entertannign thing you can think of is going into a cave full of smelly, vile goblns and pulling a few gems and copper out.
You live off of dried rations, 4 month old specals of thew day, stagnet water from your canteen and a hunk of raw meat that even Lucinda doesn't know how long you've had it
Trying to get that speical gift for your wife almost kills you 3 times and then you find out she can't use it.
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:D :D :D
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*Almost doubled over with laughter* The wife send you back out to get something else she can use? And its even tougher to get? Better make sure its the right size and color now.
As for child protective services . . the little boy in Blackford, the children in Fort Hope . . . where are thier parents?
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Weeblie - 6/20/2006 11:25 AM "Patience is a virtue!" Wait a few seconds before grabbing the head from the things you kill, or it might disappear!
More accurately this would be:
"Patience is a virtue!" Wait a few seconds before looting the corpses of things you kill of their gold or their heads will dissapear.
Even funnier in fact...
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Stephen_Zuckerman - 6/20/2006 11:58 AM
I didn't know Lonn was a DM...
You did, actually--he ran the on-the-fly drug-trip mindflayer and beholder nest thing that foretold an illithid invasion or something like that. ;) Ogzughimmal is the DM name.
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You can have two backpacks full of fish fillets, and walk around for days without having them stink or rot. Myrrha does that. :D
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Acacea - 6/21/2006 5:30 AM
Stephen_Zuckerman - 6/20/2006 11:58 AM
I didn't know Lonn was a DM...
You did, actually--he ran the on-the-fly drug-trip mindflayer and beholder nest thing that foretold an illithid invasion or something like that. ;) Ogzughimmal is the DM name.
Oooh, I loved that one. I always wondered who Ogzo was, and why I hadn't seen him since.
That was my first DMed quest... *Teary-eyed.* Speaking of which...
Beings even greater than the gods occasionally step in to threaten the very core of existance, and you and a ragtag team of unwashed adventurers have to play thier little games to prevent it.
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Every glade, clearing, off the path corner, or any place with anything of value, has an ample supply of Gnolls, bugbears, goblins, kobolds, spiders, orgres, giants, or other nasty things that have nothing better to do with their time than stand around and wait for happless travelers to wander in to beat them up. By the way, what is it with giants standing around with their fingers in their ears?
You stand and watch as everyone you hold near and dear has their bodies ripped to bloody shreds by demon spawn in front of your eyes, and it upsets you..... because you now have to wait for them to walk back from their bindpoint before you can continue your journey.
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90% of the time you laugh at death! The other 10%, you're too busy getting a death token.
No one would be snotty and rude, because doing so would get you "BANN(ish)ED" from Layonara.
Certain physical laws wouldn't exist. Ie: That fireball won't fry me, even in this six by six corridor.
We would only ever seen 0.0000001% of the population.
Killing 50 orcs wouldn't matter, they would just respawn in five minutes anyway.
No one would be fat and everyone would have perfect anime-like hair that never gets dirty or messy.
Everyone would talk with a light English or heavy cockney accent and no matter what someone's IQ, so long as it's higher than 100, they would instantly be able to grasp any complex plan that is explained and remember facts with blistering accuracy.
Some fighters would have a natural strength so high that they could defy the real world's strongest men and run with 400+ pounds on their backs (without magical assistance).
Even though physically impossible to do, archers arrows are so acurate that they can actually split their own arrows.
Hardened leather armor really manuvers like the finest cotton clothing does, we just never realised it.
It's possible to dual weild 10lb axes without breaking anything that is attached to your body!
Drow are THE most vile creatures in all the world, unless they're in Hlint and then they're always Chaotic Good! (Or a tight-wad paladin.)
The earth really IS the Center of the Universe with all suns, moons and stars revolving around it!
No matter what plane you're on, everything is exactly the same except for geography, governments and male/female dominance.
Everyone would have, along with their CR and Name, a post count floating above their head.
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No matter how many years you've practiced the violin, you're going to make a critical failure at your next recital.
Guitars are indescructable, as are violins... Come to think of it, so are roses.
You can execute complex and deadly martial arts manuvers holding a flag that's twice your size.
While fishing with a bow, you'll never get tangled after firing off 20 arrows with fishing lines attached.
A 35lbs Catfish yield only four portions.
You steam rice by stuffing it in the oven.
Opening the oven and seeing little piles of sand is common.
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Everyone is always standing in the exact same place, and when they aren't, everyone wonders what is going on.
People don't hesitate to invade the forests, chop half the trees down, and then wonder why the native satyrs are shooting at them.
Every person encountered on your way from one place to another is an enemy. Unless, of course, they glow blue or green.
You could mine the same place for years, and no matter what the ore always finds a way to regenerate.
People maintain stunning good looks, despite monster blood, their own blood, scars, dirt, burns, frostbite... as well as God knows what other injuries.
Emeralds are among the rarest minerals in the world, yet entire golems are made from them and destroyed on a daily basis.
Epic people are incredibly rare, yet the entire Eastern side of the world is filled with beasts that are even more skilled than the most skilled in the world.
Backpacks somehow contain enough room to fit pretty much every item an adventurer needs on the go, as well as the loot, materials, and gold gathered.
And finally...
The most feared creature in the world is a small penguin wearing a backpack :P
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Ne'er - 6/21/2006 2:48 PM
The most feared creature in the world is a small penguin wearing a backpack :P
Illustrating the paradoxal dichotomoy of the layonaran psyche, the small penguin wearing a backpack is also the most loved creature.
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Yep, you've gotta love those penguins. 8)
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- Warner-Bros ecological statement style, grinding 11 lbs of old-growth hickory into powder produces (at most) three sheets of paper.
- The magical aura radiating from Tiffany's would blind anyone using See Magic.
- Everything is a weapon. Really. If you can hold it in your hands, you can kill things with it. And this is necessary because...
- Just about everything, everywhere, is out to kill you. When you're crossing an idyllic grassy field where bunnies are at play, you'd best have your sword out already.
- Law enforcement consists of one (or at most two) officers, who are absolutely tireless. They're out at all hours, rain or shine.
- People would tell you they had something else to do, and fade out of existence... and this would be treated as normal.
- You can, at a glance, tell within an order of magnitude how dangerous anything you might have to face is. This is useful, because...
- Two creatures which look exactly alike can be vastly different in their actual threat level. With the one, it will be dead and looted before you even break a sweat; with the other, you'll be dead 12 times before you hit the ground.
- Speaking of which, it is not only accepted, but approved of to strip anything you kill of anything of value.
- And forget about "resting in peace". When you eventually die, dozens of people will break into your crypt in search of anything of value. Small wonder so many people become mummies.
- All buildings are bigger on the interior than the exterior. This is known as "maximizing value of real estate".
- You can tell precisely how much trouble you're in by listening to the music. If it becomes cataclysmic "gotterdammerung" strings and low brass, you may as well take off your good shirt so your blood won't stain it too badly. As a corollary..
- Listening to the music will also inform you if someone else nearby is in trouble. Convenient for do-gooders.
All I could think of for now. Contribute, everyone!
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Everything can suddenly stop moving , speaking or going about their daily buisnesses, leaving you as the only functioning member of society until the world completley blanks out , only to mysteriously turn back on again in fifteen to twenty miniutes. This , of course is percieved as completley normal and should be completley ignored once everything is back into focus regardless of the fact that you may phase back into existance in a completley different place then where you left it.
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If you put something of value down on the ground, it disappears within 5 minutes. On the other hand, we don't get things given to us that are almost impossible to put down either.
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A hard Pick and shovel, made of hardened steel, no matter when it was made, will shatter. be brand new, and you are Not damagee by shrapnel
Somehow, 9ft tall ogres and trolls can magically appear Next to you, when your standing alone in a room and can clearly see all the exits.
You can get killed (albeit not many of us can) by a skunk
there is no such thing as physcial sexual relations, but there are children running around everywhere
you never have to wash your clothes.... ever
You sleep by sitting down... and becomeing blind for about 15 seconds.
you raise your hands above your head, and your pet magically appears in a blaze of blue light... and follows you everwhere
you cat gets hit by a car... and after you rest.. you can get it to come back again.
no one gets sick... unless your hit hit by a diseased rat.
almost everyone is homeless... but we still make 1000 gold a week.
you can wear almost nothing... and not get arrested
everyones tatoos are the same.