The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Hellblazer on December 06, 2006, 01:23:22 AM
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Wedlar, Junar 4, 1409
Well, my first days here have proven exhausting and interesting. *smiles*
It all started with me arriving in town soiled byt eh rain and mud I had run through. I saw a little river east of the town and decided to wash my clothes and take a bath. Whil i was in the water, some one came and robbed me of my armor and weapons, and my precious picture of my family. Leaving me only with one robe and a potion he had dropped. At least teh robe was clean.
So i entered town and after looking around searching for Sonya, I met with a sweet and lovely little elf called Elohanna min A'litea. Providence be that she too is a follower of my lord protector Aeridin. It was a first short meeting, but a nice one none the less. We talked a little bit about the followers of Aeridin in this taown called Hlint, and she told me that if I was to meet a man called Eghaas, that I should take the time to listen to him. We parted ways just after I told her that I had lost my belongnings. I dont knwo what came up to me, maybe its the fact that she is of the same faith as me. Or maybe it's just that I am comfortable around her, but I told her about my belogning being robbed, and worse, My only picture of the family.
Then a day later, while doing some things for the locals, I met with her again near the swerers. She was sitting by a fire she had started and asked me to join her. We talked a while and then she offered me a gift. She had made a robe with our colors. I was taken by her generosity and I had picked up a flower earlier that made me think of her. So i proceeded in giving it to her. We shared some bread and fish, laughters and talks and at one points i asked her if there was a Aeridin temple it's then that she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I must say that I find her presence very pleasing and of course I agreed to go with her.
We went trhough a would were she gave some pointers of the safe passage, then arrived to a grove and there it was in the middle, Aeridin temple. We got up on one of hte mont and sat, talking again of everything and nothing at the same time. She seem preocupied as she told me taht she came her to calm the chaos that her thoughts could become. I tried to lend an ear but I guess she was not at ease to talk to me about her troubles yet. Maybe one day, I hope. She had some work that she needed to do, so we parted ways. Not before she whished me to be safe and actualy casted a spell on me to make sure i would be.
So I went back to hlint, passing by I healed a woman that was injured but still tended to some plants. I guess she is a farmer. Then I saw a gate that I had not went passed and My curious side took over.
As soon as I got out of the town I was met by an elf sitting on her black horse, suprised by the sheer sixe of the animal and the fact that his nosul was straight into my face a jump back a step and she laghed. While talking to her A mand and a woman came to her and she left. I talked with them a little explaining to them I was looking for my sister, but neither them or M'lady A'litae knew of her, they all seems to know a Sonya Darsus. In anycase it would seem they also know of Elohanna. Someting about being in the same company or Family. In anycase we kept talking and I came up with asking them if they knew an armor crafter. This man named Kyle is such a man and so Him and his Wife Ferrit brought me to their ware house where I was able to by a half plate copper armor. A good piece of crating I must say. After that We parted ways and I went back to hlint to custimise it.
It took me a while but I finaly got to hammer out an armor taht is what is asked of me by the clergy. Afeter a while I had even tinted it, but a woman of the name of.. come to think of it she never gave me her name. Onlything i know is that she is well dressed, seems educated and has long red-brownish straigt hair. Well she told me that the colors did not do me justice. With he council I went to get other dyes and we finaly came to a pattern that I must say I liked.
I was much oblidge and I went all with politness in thanking her, but at that point the situation degenerated, she was saying that my politness was one of snobbery and that she had nothing to do to it, that my Calling her M'Lady was infact stating that she was my propiety. Never had I wanted to induce her into such a fould humor or evenbe impolite but the conversation ended with her threatening me.
I was a bit taken aback by this woman, I thought she was a real nice person but turns out she is a bitter woman. Anyhow I decided to go check that gate further that what i had been stopped to by the horse and i found myself picking some coton and picking some more flowers along the way, then i got attacked by an orc. I thought that by going away he would stop chasing me but he didnt, I had to sumoun my sumoun to help me defeat that foe and as I turned around there she was, Elohanna was standing in front of me with a Oh dear! After the greetings and realising it was raining we went in the tower.
We talked for a little while and I gave her the others flowes I had picked, she blushed a little after saying that she loved flowers. It was obvious she had work to do so I let her do it and i sat by the fountain watching at her work with grace. When she was done she sat close to me and we continued to talk. After some laughs she asked e if I wanted to go on a trip with her some day, I didnt hesitate and I said yes. She wanted to meet me in ranger vale but instead she old me a name of a town called Raven watch. She soon retracted and told me she wanted to meet me at the temple, that she would not want to take me to that town, to cold with the snow. Thats when i kind of got excited. I mean me a man of the desert, having a chance to actualy see only what was told as legend by travelers into our litle town. She probably saw that i was like a child infront of a toy and said we could go, and even make a snowman as she call it.
I must say I am realy looking foward to seeing her again. We parted was but not before her giving me a quick hug and hiding herslef under her hood then she left. I was stuned and only looked at her walk away smiling.
As I went to the temple to ask for shelter, I saw a vampire. With all that had happened lately and the strangness i had seen I have not reacted as I should have and may my lord please forgive me for not acting in laying her to rest. After that things just got stranger by the minute. I was cought in the middle of a man ourting everything that seemed to move and ware a skirt, a woman who did not beleive that all that love life can be affected by Aeridin, by a woman changing herself into a dragon and scaring a new druid, and then by being in the middle of a druid convension with the person Elohanna told me about, Eghaas. I left tired and sought refuge into the temple, where I am now writn gthis down and falling asleep barely able to keeep my eyes open.
*Drops his book and the quil on the grass, curls up and falls asleep.*
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her heart is kept to still by an other.
after all these months of seing each other, he still holds her.
it pains her, it pains me. Even through all of this I still love her as strong as just this morning. But I know that she can not make that choice, even if she knows deep down that there will never be a futur for both of them except the one of friendship.
Well M'lord, you hold my love captive and yet I can only resing my self to follow the teachings of Aeridin. I shall leave, and give her the space she needs. Maybe one day, if it is the life giver wish, shall our hearts shall reach each others again.
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Love, the ost inexplicable emotion of all but yet the most exillirating.
You can never kow what to expect from it, one moment it is total sweetness the other it is the feeling of anihilation. Such is what i had felt these past last months. total contement, happiness and peacefulness, and yet this afternoon after a trip with M'lady Treana, Galen and my love, it turn to total apocalypse. I knew she had still some strong feeling for that man, but at the same time, from the months we had been together, I had hoped it would have helped her put ease to them. But this afternoon at lake Corax, it was teh total oposite. She tried to tell me that she was confused that she was scared for me but aslo that she had not forgeten him. Stuck in between to love she had. One that would never be, from my understanding, the other waiting for her at the door step.
I felt bad and i left. I left her maybe in the time she needed me most. But her confusion was making me confused myself on the fact that all that had happened the past few months if it was all true or just a flint. She reached me back at half lake to tell me the fatidic news that she couldnt go on this way, she needed to sort her mind and heart. That it was neither fair for me or her. i was not hurt before, but those words stoke swords throught my heart. I told her my piece, that she was holding back on fasle hope, and that if she did not learn to let go, that it would make her miss the opportunities that life would bring her. I left saying that no matter what, she was still the holder of my heart.
I drifted through hlint, aimlessly trying to make sence in what had just happened. Then I decided to go out and collect anything that would help to pay my debt to my sister family. I succeded in getting 3400 gold piece out of my debt. But M'lord Pandron saw through me like an open book and knew there was something wrong. I can not lie, so I told him what had happened. That I thought of leaving town after paying my debt to leave her space and not make it more difficult for her. He strongly advise against it and told me I was better off trying to help her and be there as a friend. I told him taht I didnt feel like that for her, that I felt love, true love, the love of a man willing to ive himself a milion time to protect the woman he loves. That I did not know if I would be strong enough to do that without falling in the same circle that she was cought in. And after a few more talk we parted ways.
I continued to wander around until i met a group of adventurers that needed to go get the oil for Juanita. After gettng them to get more people we left. And made well throught out our trip up until the last where again I fell. I waited out my time back in hlint and at the camp fire. It gave me a long time to think of what had happen, and still my feeling for her had not faltered.
Later on I heard a rumour about a man in lar needing help. I aproched M'Lady tegan an asked er for help. She counciled me in getting more people and such I did. As i was speaking with Keth, I saw 4 ferries run wild in and around me. I recongise one to be Elohanna. the woman who held my heart. The other it seems was M'Lord Omer. As we were going I saw them all, Omer and my heart talking to galen who was injured. I healed him and stood theer frigid looking at Elohanna. I didnt know waht to do or say, and as we were about to leave she asked me if she could talk to me.
We went to the camp fire and she whispered softly to me, close to me, enoght that I could smell her gentle parfume enticing me to hold her. She explained to me that she had finaly understood that what she felt for him, was absolutly not the same that she felt for me. "He is more like my little brother that i never had, with who i can do just that, little fiery escapads in town." I wasnt to sure what she wanted to say at first, still in the shock of being close to her after what had happened preciously in the day. But she told me that, she was now sure. Joy, happyness, an explosion of emotions came rushing through my head and heart. I would have lifted her there and then, carried her over to no where, spun her around untill both of us collapsed totaly daze of our joy. But I was awaited for by my group. I asked her to join me and she was happy and jumped on teh ocation.
The trip went pretty well except that we never foudn the man who needed help. That and a few close calls made the trip very interseting. When it was done ELohanan made some sight seeing to the group, the crypt, the view of the waterfall up in the mountain, which stil made me queezy from the height. Finaly we headed back to valenske, where aparently exausted she took a room in town.
I am now back tot he temple in sielwood, writng my thoughts and memoirs. Happy to know that our journey from our hearts will go on.
E ceela aey my heart.
*He puts the quill down and set his journal carfuly in a puch of his pack. Glides under his sheet and fells the snow flakes tumbling on his face. the fire crackling close to him giving him warmth he falls asleep thinking of her.*
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Aeridin be blessed.
My heart beats fast everytime I see her, touch her, or when she gives me a kiss. She is a wonderful, tender, intelegent and beautyful elf, the holder of my heart, as I please to tell her some times. I am presently working on a gift for her that I must say is quite an undertaking of my part. I have seen death a few time while collecting what I needed for it, but Aeridin has help me all the time by keeping me safe from the Soul mother. I have stopped collecting things a little as she asked me to, I was brining far to much that she could use. Although, when I pass by a bee nest, I just cant resist taking the honey for my honey. What can I say she is a real treat, and... hum... taste as sweet as honey it self.
For some time I was a bit frustrated at my inability to help those that neded me to help them by raising them, and now that I am finaly able to help them, they dont fall. Go Figure, but I dont mind so much. Hanna has been there through my downs, giving me support with some gentle words, I am truly blessed. How I deserve the love of such a woman, just leaves me in question, but she does and I do, we love each other and I dont care if she will live longer than me, I am contented just to be close to her and holding her from time to time.
She did ask me something that tored my heart oday. Her friend Melanna seems unable to understand that my custom has nothing to do with owner ship of a person but only a mark of respect to be given to any one that I am not close to. I may be the last one, with my sister, from my village, from my culture. And between me and Sonya, I am the only one still following them. And now I am asked to leave them asside, to let who I am, who my ancestors where, what made our village a heaven of peace, die as I am aske to put my cultrue and tradition asside. I love Hanna, with all my heart, but what she is asking me is plainly kill the only things that makes all of what was, disapear. She doesnt know though, and I will tell her. My love for her is stronger than any tradition though, but it doesnt feel right to just stop acting apropreatly toward every one.
At first I thought that her other friend Treana, understood that, but after that day in half lake, when my love had broken off our couple, I was tored up, broken and pained. Treana wanted me to sit down and talk with her, but i wasnt able to and decided to leave after telling her it was best if I left. Sicne that day, she seems to dislike me. Even wen I had appologised in front of a croud, she blurted out insults, which I am sure made Elohanna feel so bad in herself. I kept quiet and did not retorate to her. She was partly right, but at the same time, if she has ever truly loved, she should also understand that I was to hurted to speak. Now, even her, seems vexed when I try to show her proper respect as I was tought by my elders.
It seems that if I am to fit in with the people, I must leave my past behind, let the only thing that still survive of my elders, die with them. It doesnt feel right at all, but if I want my love to be happy, I think I have no choice. She will never be truly happy, if me and her friends don't get allong. But I must say, that beside Treana, and the angels, A friend like Melanna, having fun in saying things that are downright insults; even if ment like a joke, if a friend she is, then Hanna needs no enemies. I will keep silent though, for the sake of our love, but if she ever hurt the fealing of the holder of my heart, I will voice myself furiously.
Well back to work, I still have quite a lot to do to finish my gift for this beautiful elf that holds my breath astray just by looking into my eyes.
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*takes a piece of parchment and his quill and starts to write a letter to Elohanna*
My dear love,
I wish to tell you so many things, but every time I wake up I see my arms empty as you are not in them. Since you have left now a month and half ago, time has been to a stop still, the days are long and sometime painful. No do not worry I have not fallen since the day I have put myself between you and that giant. But my heart longs for you even more everyday. I still do try to help as much as I can every where I go, but somehow it doesn’t feel the same. It now takes me a long time to muster the strength to get up in the morning but then I think at what you used to tell me, "My love there is many out there that need your help not just me" So I muster my strength and will and I get up.
As of late I have been helping this Lady called Amireanna, she is a good fellow and you would like her very much. We have a thing in common me and her and it is that both of us were shun of our village of sort. There might be a good friendship brewing there, but like you, she is a bit of a loner. Not nearly as wonderful as you are though, my love.
I met the children finally. They are all beautiful especially Sarah, she will be something when she grows up you can see it. But shy, so shy. She hid behind Sonya until her mother told her to come on out. I kneel in front of her to be at her level and then I gave her a flower that was given to me by Amireanna. She smiled and she looked so cute.
Tristan is a fine boy, firery hair and tall for his age. He looks very keen and strong to. I also sensed something within him, he has a lot of faith and it surprised me for a child of almost 7 years old. He may become a cleric one day. He has a lot of presence that it is a little unsettling.
Then there is Anaya, Elgon and Sil'via. All of them are so sweet. As Sonya entered the house she called for them and I saw a stampede. She barely stood up when the triplets jumped in her legs. It was a sight.
That was before I help Amireanna to get the pelt she needed for Johan and unfortunately once again I was powerless to see someone that was under my protection fall when I should have been able to protect it, what a pitiful cleric I am. We talked a little of her pas and mine and of Sonya and her family. That’s when she asked me a funny question. "You must be proud to have so many nephew and niece and have one named after you." It took me a second to respond to that one. "No" I said. "I am happy for Sonya and her husband because they have a wonderful family, but proud no." She was perplexed. Seeing Sonya’s children did not make me change how I fell. I have no dying desire to have children. It will be By Aeridin will if I do.
I have also tried to get closer to Melanna, at least to a better understanding. At first it seemed that we were getting somewhere in understanding ourselves a little better. But once it came to you, I hit a bricked wall. She made it quite clear that she would never approve of us seeing each other. And that because I am a human and you an elf. "Did you stop to think of what she would go through when you died and she lived on?" I told her that this was something we had already talked about and decided to keep going accepting that this would happen in any circumstances.
Even if I profess my love for you in the deepest way any words could explain it, she still only perceived it as infatuation. Then I surprised my self telling her that how things were, I would probably be the one surviving you since you had already dinned with the soul mother 6 times and I only once. Even with that she pursued to say that she would never approved of this love that we share and that in the end it was not her decision, but would still be your friend no matter what although never approved us. I think I better understand her hostility toward me now, but it also made m understand that there is no hope for her and I, to become friends. So from now on I will not worry about it anymore. I will keep my decision in not using my traditions with her and I will keep helping her when ever she asks, but I will not try to befriend her no longer. I guess we will have to agree to disagree. It saddens me though as I had truly hoped that we could at least find a common ground to better our relationship even if it was not friendship. But now I see it is futile. What ever happens when you come back, one of us, either it be her or me, will have to live with your decision.
Something bad happened in with Sonya. She got drunk for some reasons and she was at M'Lord Barion’s house and Christine was with her. Sonya doesn’t remember much about what happened, but when she woke up Chrissy and Barion explained to her what had happened. Chrissy kissed Sonya while she was passed out and Sonya has no idea if something more happened while she was out. She also told me that when she was with M'Lord Darsus, in front of the Hlint bank where there was a crowed, Chrissy decided to steal a kiss out of M'Lord Darsus who was not paying attention. It shocked her and even made her more scared of what would happen to her family. She was crying her heart out as she told me this and I was furious. I couldn’t believe that she would actually do what she had told me she would. Do what she wanted while either me or Sonya was drunk. Some people came by as Sonya was crying, and she explained to them what had happened and then still not sure if she was to believe Christine or not. So she sent a letter to M'Lord Barion who confirmed what she was told.
When she got that letter I truly was out of my mind I even thought of hunting her down and... Well that’s what I thought. Sonya saw it and she had all of us swear to never let this fall into M'Lord Darsus ears and for me not to do anything harsh. Thing that was hard to do when I came in the craft hall a few hours later and that she was there. My temper went through the roof and I had to tell her my piece that also included a few threats if she ever hurtled my family. She got also mad and things were getting extremely volatile up until the ground shook under our feet. Instinctively we both geared up and went looking to what had made the ground shake and we found out that it was someone using a tinkering machine that had exploded to his face.
That kind of defuse the situation and we ended up talking near a lake. I promised to never tell a soul of what she would tell me so I will not write it up here. Safe to say that she will apologies for kissing M'Lord Darsus, to Sonya and hopefully her love will never come to hear of what happened.
My service and faith was put to the test prior to that though. While I was helping Melodius with acquiring Hickory branches, we noticed that a dark cloud, darker than the one in the sky, was hovering over our temple in Rangers vale. We run there and met with M'Lord Quantum, M’Lord Poetr, M’Lord Stonehill and his wife and also a few others. When we came to the temple we were greeted by the Healer.
He explained to us that when he got up in the morning to pray to Aeridin, the temple was shrouded in darkness and that when it the darkness receded he found a dead frog close to the holy stone. The frog was an abomination; it had a leg of a bird and the eyes of insects. M’Lord Q removed it from the temple and burned it. Then the healer tried to reconsecrate the temple but then felled unconscious. After making sure he was not dead, we started to search for the reason of that situation. M'Lady Stonehill and I found that there was evil and desecration at work within the temple. So we searched where it was. Finally, M’Lady Stonehill found it to be at one of the stones. Eruborg thought it would help if he smashed the stone, but before we could stop it M'Lady Stonehill determined it was not the stone but under it. Unfortunately the Orc proceeded in trying to smash it and felled comatose.
We removed him of the temple and I looked at the rock that was now chipped somewhat. Poor Eru, Aeridin did not take to his action well. One of the people present decided to use a holy water that was not consecrated by Aeridin and it shrouded darkness on the temple again. Who ever think about using something of an other Deity in a temple that is not from the same faith should really rethink their actions. Aeridin was watching over us and that holy water did not make things worse.
I had to reconsecrate all the holy water I was given and I did so and the light emanating from the sacred stone dimmed even more, then before I poured one on the stone I healed M’Lady Stonehill as one of my prayers had injured her somewhat the light of the sacred stone dimmed even more. At that point we all understood that by calling upon Aeridin for my powers I was draining the energy of the grove. So from that point I refrain from using my powers. We rolled the rock that M'Lady Stonehill had felt the disturbance under it. We found a dead beetle that had a feather and something else to it. I tried very carefully to remove it with a shovel, as we did not know what would happen if we touched it, but you know me I am all thumbs. As it fell out of the shovel and hit the ground the darkness fell on the temple again in the Darkness M'Lord Q took upon him to pick it up with his hand and the darkness receded again. He and I moved out of the Temple with the beetle and we used one of the holy water I had resanctify toward Aeridin and poured it on the beetle. Nothing happened like nothing had happened when I poured on the on the rock and two on the ground surrounding the rock.
M'Lord Q put the beetle in the now empty vial and we left it outside of the temple. When we came back we rolled the rock back to its original place and I asked M'Lady Stonehill to sense if something was still defiling the temple. She said no, but as I tried to wake the healer so he could sanctify the temple again, she told me that she would not be able to sense if the temple essence was back to normal as she is not from the same faith. So I kneeled and concentrated with all my heart and found that it was now back in order. After telling all to step out of the temple for their own safety, I kneeled and Prayed to Aeridin with a prayer that was something like this.
"My Lord Aeridin, protector of the great circle of life and Giver of life, I call upon you to give me the strength to resanctify this temple, so it can shine of your grace and holiness once again, and become the beacon of our faith. Resanctify this temple by your will and might."
And as I blessed the temple, the power of Aeridin was shown to all as the temple illuminated with lights. When it was finished the Healer and Eru came out of their slumbers and after talking to the healer we made ways.
Although this is not the reason why I went there, I know you would have been proud that I was finally able to serve Aeridin without flaws. I know that I missed you by my side, given me strength and support by our love. Well I wanted to give you news from here, while you are taking some time for you. I won’t lie to you my love, it is hard, very hard but I want to be strong for me, you and Aeridin. So every day that passes I keep true to you and to my heart. Awaiting the day I will be able to hold you and share my love to you again, Aeridin and your will providing.
Please be safe my love and May the life giver help you clear your thoughts.
Will all my heart and love, your blessed Lex'or Gravedigger Mulnari, Mai 9, 1410
*he folds the letter precisely and stops.*
"What am I doing? I can’t send her that; she needs her time without any influence."
*He gently puts the letter in his parchment holder and kneels to pray for strength and guidance*
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*Takes the parchment he had already started earlier in the day and gently dip his quill into the ink, damps the excess on the edge of the ink vial and looks at the parchment sighing*
My beloved,
Two more weeks has passed since you left my side and all your friends behind, Friends that are all wondering the reasons for such a departure, I’m sure; and yet, no one seems to have news from you. I am starting to worry a little for your safety my love, but I have not received words of M'Lord Drogo, who I had asked to discreetly look over you for your protection. I guess no news is good news, for something’s, not all.
Since the last time I have written you I have gone on small outings, helping people out to their grave, offering healing to those injured, but I have also helped to diffuse a situation in front of the smithy in Hlint. Someone had threatened M'Lady Solarina and the village and she was standing guard sword drawn. At first, I thought she was being weary of M'Lord Zergon, so I hasted to pledge for him to her, that he was a good man even for some all Drows are inherently evil. If only more could listen to the teaching of Aeridin and respect each others with the same respect they deserves themselves.
I never told you before, but there was a night before you left, that I had some doubts about how I was applying my faith and also about my traditions. So I sought guidance to M'Lord Eghaas. As for my traditions you have seen the result of my decision I had made previously but that he confirmed was the right one. For my faith, it was after I had gone to a trip to the Berhagen Mountains, with M’Lady Dora, M'Lady Mylindra and M'Lord Aiden, all clerics themselves.
We worked our way up the mountain, pacifying that path to the town of Shoufal and decided that the Giants were a menace to the town. Once we had rested, we headed forth and pacified the areas past the town. As the time passed after that, my heart was heavy a little as I was wondering if I had made the good choice and this is when I met M'Lord Eghaas coming back from an oak gathering. We talk Longley, at first of you and of the situation that you were put in. And when I told him about the decision I had made, he smiled and said he was Happy I had taken that decision.
At first though He was a bit weary of me calling him M'Lord, but when I explained to him that since the dawn of time, when my village was founded by the woman’s elders. It was a tradition they had instored so no one would be regarded with more standard than the others, not even them. That all were equals and that all deserved the highest respect. I also told him that since Sonya did not follow the traditions any longer and that the village had disappeared. I was probably the only one holding true to the ideal the elders had set forth. That to me, letting go of this tradition was like letting die the memories and ideals upon what the village was built. As soon as I explained this to him he understood and insisted that I would call him M'Lord if it was my desire. I am happy to see that there is people on this land, other than you, that values customs of others.
After that my heart compelled to me to talk to him about my doubts. He asked me some question, like if I would senselessly murder for the pleasure of it. Of course I told him no, but I asked him using the Berhagens as example if I had made the good choice. He asked me what my intensions were when I went there. I told him it was to protect the others that were heading there, but also to prevent a future attack on the town. He then told me I had made the right decision, that as long as it was to protect; I was not going against our faith. This put my mind at ease and so now I am more than ever compelled to go help others when they go for adventure, cause I know that it is not the killing that I like, even if I knew that before, but that by helping them, healing them and protecting them, I was actually doing what Aeridin will tells us to do. Some might argue that the fact I go in the mist of the battle, depicts a lust for the fight, but How I Know deep in my heart that to go heal someone that is stuck in the middle of I will have to fight my way through, and since the intention is not to cause arm but to protect and to heal, I am now at peace with this. You were so right when you told me to seek him and talked to him about our faith. He is a wise and kind man.
A few days ago, I went to Storan's crypts with M'Lord Q and a few others. This trip was not at all good, at least for me. Firstly, one of the people I had protected with some death wards and mind protection spells got killed, but then later on one of the party members decided to try his hand at the door after our lock smith had tried and gotten hurt with an electric trap. He did not look or ask if the trap was there and unfortunately I was standing to close and when the trap set off, so I was set off my self and died. Fortunately for me, M'Lord Q raised me and the other that he had killed by his ignorance.
After a few days, I met up with M'Lady Amireana. I was about to take her around the land when Sonya came a little angry. She found out I had had a feud with Christine and that she thought I had broken my promise. I told her that I had promise not to make any that I would regret faith wise, but not to let her hurt my family. She understood and we were almost going to leave all together when unfortunately she remember she had some crafting to do in Prantz. So instead, I helped M’Lady Amireana to deliver some packages and gather some corn kernels. She wants to better her cooking skill and I made her a little deal. I would buy her some corn oil once she made some. For me it will be one less thing to gather and since for me making the oil has no more challenge it gives her an opportunity to make some coins so she can live a little better. She seemed happy with this idea. As she was trying her hand at making the oil I started to write you this letter.
I have also received my first order of sort. A woman by the name of shank...shunk... skuank. Sorry my love, I can not write or pronounce her name properly, has asked me to make her an almost unlimited amount of holy water. As she asked for how much I would want for helping her, I told her that I needed no coins as I was happy to help her. She insisted to pay me so I told her to donate what she thought was worth the work I would do to either Alindor or Roldem relief funds.
This is all that has happened since my last letter.
I am now sitting and finishing this letter at the exact place we spent our last night in each others arms. Oh! my love, you have no idea how I long for you, you gentle and bright smile, the way you seem to look into my soul through my eyes, the gentle caresses of your hand on my cheek; but mostly, of talking to you while holding you into my arms and feeling complete. I pray Aeridin to keep you safe and help you quell the doubts of your mind. I hope for your return so I can once more hold you in my arms and share my love to you and once again, feeling as complet and contend as I was before you left us all. Each day that passes by, I stay steady and true to you my love, to Aeridin our lord and to the people, so we can shine, to the masses, the meaning of the healing light and great circle of life.
I love you completely and utterly my beloved. You’re blessed. Lex'or Gravedigger Satari, Mai 21, 1410
*he folds the letter precisely and stops.*
"You will all get them when you come back my love, no matter what."
*He gently puts the letter in his parchment holder and kneels to pray for strength and guidance*
-
Part of who I am is gone.
It was beside the temple in Sielwood that she came to me after so many weeks past in seclusion. It was on one of the high raise that she told me this heartbreaking news. She told me there that I deserved more, that she could not give me back what the true love that she think I deserved. The pain was so much; it was like my soul was ripped out of my body, like my heart was cut in two by a searing knife. She had made me feel what no one had been able to give birth in my heart, she had make tears run my cheek when even the death of my mother had not made them fall. For a short while I felt alive, more than I had ever felt. I felt contented by only a finger pass on my cheek. For a moment my life was complete. But now I am, but only the simple cleric that I was before her, except that my heart is dead and my soul weakened. My faith will always be to Aeridin and my will to server him will never falter, but the joy that once was, is gone.
A few weeks passed since the time she announced me that she could not be with me. I had fallen to the bottle again like the time that my family was kidnapped. Although I try not to abuse to much of it sometimes I still feel like losing myself to it. Such was that night where I met them, M'Lord Poetr and Stoneaxe, and my beloved at the arms in Leilon. There she was all happy, a bit tipsy and being courted by M'Lord Dalan. What was left of my heart was tored from me. I stood there looking at them and when she said she needed to go I decided to leave instead.
Out Side M'Lord Dalan found me drunk, he ordered me to not make her sad and to not make a scene. I could never make a scene nor would I ever intentionally hurt her. After a while as we were speaking some people came and asked my help. I would never have thought that I would turn someone down, but this is what has happened. Instead I walked away and slumped down on the benches. There M'Lord Poetr came to me and decided I needed to get some action, to try to change my mind.
So he went and got M'Lord Stoneaxe and my beloved and they dragged me literally to help them on a short trip. Dragged me on a boat, and then let me to think in port Hampshire. After a while I took upon me. I remember what M'Lord Barion had told me,
"If she comes back will she come back to the man you were or the man you are now a man broken and not showing who he really is?"
I picked myself up, stepped on my heart and went to them. I would rather die in myself than see her get hurt. And so we went on our trip. When it was done I felt even worse than before, but she was safe and I had kept my promise to myself to never let her get hurt again when I am with her. We parted was that night.
Weeks past and my heart only got worse. I kept true to Aeridin and done his work but nothing could stop my heart from loving her and dying from this love. She had touched my soul like only Aeridin had and for a human like me, one with a short life expectancy, one can only find such love once. I met her in Hlint she was sitting down on the benches when I entered town. She wanted to speak to me and asked me to go to ranger vale with her. I followed her.
Once we reach the same spot where she had told me she could not be with me, she explained a little more why she could not be with me. Words that were like a thousand knifes into what was left of my heart. But as she kept talking, the feeling I was getting was like she was herself doubting that decision she had made. its then that she told me that she loved me, truly did, but she could not be with me in fear of losing herself, that she was not ready for that kind of love. I pledge myself to wait for her, even if it took until my last day on my death bed, I would wait patiently for her to be ready. She then asked me to make her feel the sun again, the same way I was making her feel it when we were together. I explained to her that what she was feeling was my all my love, all my soul and all my body for her. I took my gloves off after a few moment, closed my eyes and rubbed them together, rubbed and rubbed again faster and harder, until I couldn’t bare the pain and the fire that was building in them and as I brought them to her checks, I put all of my soul and love for her, trying to give her all I felt for her and for all of this world into this simple touch. She took both my hands and pressed them on her cheecks, feeling everything I was giving her then she moved her had and leaned it on my chest and so I took her and held her there for I do not know how long, in my arms my head resting on hers.
Time passed as I held her and she did not fight she embraced the hold, I am sure she could hear my heart beat strong again for her. But she felt dizzy from the lack of food and so did I. She kneeled to the ground from the lack of strength and I was worried some for her. I picked her up and she rested her self again on me, her head leaned on my chest as I brought her down from the watch platform. A few pace from it and I gently laid her down on the forest leaves floor. I made sure she was alright and with the tined and flint she gave me I started a fire. I know she was looking at me while I was preparing us some food. I took some Lion meet I had on me for the orphanage of M'Lady Jilseponie, I also used some salt and spices, corn oil and some sugar. I slowly roasted the meat on the fire flirting some looks in her direction and a soft smile. She was appreciating the smell of the cooked meat even before it was done and when it was I gave her enough for her enough to fill her tummy. We sat by the fire for a while, eating slowly looking at each other.
When we had finished eating she put the fire up, obviously feeling better from the food I had made and happy from the taste enough to ask me to show her how to cook.
"In time, my heart in time"
I told her. Then out of know where she tagged me and started to run. And so until we reached Hlint, we played tag. Then we went to the Hlint kitchen where I made us some corn bread. From the three I had made, I gave her two and she couldn’t resist eating a slice. It truly where happy moments, like the time we were together, but not the same, holding her gently telling her of my love was missing. After we parted ways I went out to the benches , and I couldn’t stopped the feeling I had, I was happy to know that she still loved me but at the same time it made things worse. How can two person truly love each other but can not be together to express those feelings? I am more confused now than I ever was and it hurts, hurts so much more than I ever expected it to hurt. She is not the first woman that shared my life, but none comes close to her, to her intelligence, her tenderness, her beauty and generosity. I am watching my true love pass by and can not do anything to stop it from vanishing away like a child castle being washed away by the waves on the beach. I don't know what to do... I do not want to break my promise and I do not want to lose this love I have for her, in fear that one day she is ready and my heart has moved on. I love her to much to give up and it’s killing me.
More time passed and still my heart longs for her. I have not seen her since that night and I do not know if she is safe, is she hurting, has she moved on... So many questions that I do not know if I want them answered and M'Lord Pandorn is worried that the blackness that dons my armor will get me shun from the clergy. But life goes on, my faith pushes me forward and I feel a new calling is lying in front of me. It was by Helping M'Lord Quantum that I felt the need to ask him about his calling as undead slayer. We talked for a while, him giving me the warning, that all should be given who are seriously perusing this path.
"Being an undead slayer is a good life, but it is hard to any one who loves you. Not impossible but hard as you will be most of the time fighting the undead alone."
Beside Sonya, and a love that can not be, there is no one that could be hurt if I fell and be claimed by the soul mother. SO for me it was not a hard choice to make. It is the Will of Aeridin that all undead be put to rest and I feel it is my calling to become myself an Undead slayer. Not out of hate, but out of the will of the life giver. And so I told him I would be honored to receive his teaching and he told me he would be honored to teach me. We started our training in the battle fens but only after we had made the road out of Hampshire safer for the travelers.
"Remember Lex'or, the ants are like skeletons, they swarm you like them, one alone is easy enough to deal with, but many of them can kill you."
We made our way through the battle fen and dealt with the Gnolls. I had to leave the battle a few times to heal myself and one of those times the archers would not leave me alone and I fell. Luckily he was there and healed me just in time. We reached the trolls and he explained to me an other truth but by that time Christine had found her way to meet us.
"The trolls are like vampires; they regenerate and are hard to dispose of. It is also something you have to learn, that leaving the battle to regroup and heal is not honor less. Sometime you have no choice to leave and even get more forces with you."
We made ways through the Trolls, me using Hammer of god to stun them initially and them going to them to put them down.
"As an Undead slayer, you will have to learn to choose who you fight carefully, look at your foes and determine who is the strongest and take them first. If there is a caster leave the rest to those you are with, if any, and always try to get the caster first."
And so we went on training, until we entered the cave. We continued our ways down to the platinum as M’Lord Quantum needed some. It was there that a group of Trolls were waiting for us and I could hear a caster preparing a few things for us around the corner. With his recent teaching in mind, I left them deal with the other and went to get the caster. To my surprise I turned the corner and met with a wall of Trolls. I ran back to the safety of the group as I knew that withdrawing was a good tactic to regroup and make a better offensive. But as I tried to help them was now getting pounded by the other group of Trolls that had undoubtfully ran after me. I had no choice but to withdraw and heal myself, but at that point I saw that M'Lady Christine was getting killed her self. I went back, not having time to heal myself, I healed her and I tried to fend some off, but it cost me my life and I fell.
M'Lord Quantum raised me in the mist of the battle and I kept fighting by them self until we pacified the area. We reach a point were it was now safe for me to wait to get whole and he asked us what we have learned. After a few wrong answers from Christine and a close one from me, I told him that withdrawing was a good tactic as any other, but an other one was to always have true sight ready as the shamans where playing hide and seek with us. We finished our trips with a lot of Platinum and a lot of new understanding. I am now writing this at the temple of Rangers vale, excited at the new path that I feel is right for me and awaiting a new training day with this generous man that is M'Lord Quantum.
Although I have told no one yet of my chosen path, and especially not my sister or my beloved. I do not want any of them to worry for me, but I doubt I will be able to hold that information private for to long. Even though I know she can not be with me, I know she might be scared for me, that path is a dangerous one, that few decide to follow and I do not know how she will react when she learns I am now walking it.
Aeridin bless this new day for me and please keep the woman my heart loves undyingly, safe on her travels.
*Puts the quill down and kneels to pray through the night as he has been doing for a long time. Praying until he falls asleep*
-
How much more can a man take?
I was sitting in Hlint when she came by, saying hello with her sweet and adorable smile and yet she had a flower in her hand. When a man andI asked her where the flower came, she said a friend but as soon as she said that she went away saying she had to get thistle.
I dont understand what I am feeling right now... It's like my heart stopped beating all together and my breath taken away. I just can't beleive that she would have found someone so shortly after telling me she still loved me and could not be with any one... I'm so confused...
-
*Kneeling at the temple of Aeridin in Sielwood he prays*
My lord, protector of the great circle and healing light to all, I come to you seeking guidance, comfort and strength. I am only but a part of myself since she has left me and as the time passes by, the more of me dies, away from her love. I have don my armor in black, not as a sing of rebellion but as a sing of mourning, I have fasted and meditated since the day of the flower and yet nothing qualms this pain I feel, the feeling of having my soul and heart ripped out of my body. Please My Lord, give me the strength, to be there as strong as ever, for her, my sister and all their friends. For those that need of me and the gifts you have granted me.
As you made me feel so many times, My Lord, I have started to prepare to fulfill your will and become an undead slayer. I must say that the thought of telling her frightens me. I have talked, seeking guidance to M’Lord Pandorn, may you bless his family, and I can see that it will surely worry her as he, himself, is worried. But it is a path that you made me see and that I know I must follow no matter what. Please build my will and my knowledge, so that in the time of your work, I can be guided by your wisdom.
I am but a simple cleric with a burdened heart, for a love I have, a love that I know exist back, but a love that can not be shared. Guide her, in her steps by your light, Oh life giver. Never leave her side, I beg of you...
*As he keeps praying he receives a bird from Eghaas*...
-
She has released me and I don’t know how I feel.
The only thing I feel is incomplete and empty. The recent events of my life and lose of this love that for me was and still is true had made me recluse my self from most, but to a few selected, to meditate more and to train in my chosen path of becoming and undead Slayer. I manage to go into the deep of the Candor crypts and the few dust I brought Hanna when I met her was the proof of the deeds. Only 97 more time to attain my set goal of a 100 visit to the depth of this crypt. I will keep training hard, harder than anyone would train, and by the will of M'Lord Aeridin, I will succeed in becoming what he made me feel i should be.
Beside all of that, I have nothing more to say beside that M’Lady Muireann was accused in vain of Misty misinformation, her that paid so much to help free the town of Haven. People should look past the dogmas of some and look into the heart, as most would see there is more than their blindness in bickering due to someone belief.
Oh yes, I met with M’Lady Amireana, it has been a while that i have seen her, it was pleasant to see her again even if our meeting was short.
*re-read himself and puts the quill away. He then carefully places the parchment into his parchment folder and kneels in front of the holy stone to pray some more.*
-
I continue.
Still only a few selected one do I dare to go.
After an other successful trip to both Storand and Krandor crypts, 96 to go for the later, I have met with M’Lady Muireann and we have walked and talk for most of the day until my sister Sonya found us. Not to mention that Elohanna did found us out by the Blackfort castle south lake prior to Sonya arriving. many pleasantries where shared and laughter, it was a great time and even Sonya after asking M'Lord Darsus was able to help M’Lady Muireann into acquiring a passage back to Mistone from Dregar.
We, the three of us went to Dregar and showed M’Lady Muireann around and we ended up in a hotel bar as my sister was talking to M'Lord Bumblebee. I had a bit to much to drink and Sonya was most displeased of this as she said that her drinking almost made her lose her love 3 times. She wouldn’t talk about it and we decided... well she decided it was time for her to go pass some time with the children so we went back to her house although M’Lady Muireann and I did not go in with her.
Instead we stayed by the pound talking. My head was spinning so I lied down on my back looking up at the sky, which didn’t help much so she told me to close my eyes. When I did I felt her hand touch my forehead and her voice say I would be alright. I don't know why but I reached for her hand and kept it there. We kept talking a little and after and other rain storm my garb was all wet so I decided to put on my swimming gear and also told for the first time the history of my tattoos. Tattoos that no one but her had seen before. When that was done and an other rain shower passed I looked at the lake and her then grinned, dropping my hand in the water by my side and throw it to her, she had the same idea as when I went to throw her some I was met by hers. After that was just funny, I got up and picked her up. I held her on top of the pond and she was laughing, when I finally dropped her she manage to grab hold of my arm and pull me in the water with her.
We laughed and splashed our self; I swam a bit under water while she was floating on her back. I even went to drag her under it a little and she manage to escape. Finally when I came up I tried to make myself float, but like it was when I was a little boy, I couldn't float. Thinking that I was weak, probably, she decided to bring me to the bank and we stayed there talking until an other thunder storm hit us and we decided it was best if we got out of the water and went home.
It was a good time, a lot of laughter and a lot of personal thing shared. Like I told her I could get used to this.
Later on, back in Hlint, I met with M’Lady Ranéwin and we talked a little until a horde of pixies came and made her sneeze. It was in fact Hanna *smiles a little* and M'Lord Omer that were playing with their familiar. After some greetings, Hanna asked me if I was busy or if we could go on the trip we wanted to make but never were able to. I told her that I would be glad to go with her.
And so we left, Heading to Lake Rillion, talking al the way and even playing tag a little. Once there she realized that she had not brought any shovels, so I ran back to Point Harbour to get us a few shovels. I ran as fast as I could and on my way back I turn to early and stumble about a pack of bombardier beetles. I had no choice but to take them down as they surrounded me and left me no way for me to leave without hurting them. Finally I got back to Hanna, and she proceeded to teach me this relaxing hobby of fishing. After a while she started to call me Mr. Natural as on my third attempt I had caught one. Being satisfied with one, I proceeded in lying on my side and looking at her fish. I think she could feel my eyes as she smiled.
One our way to get some apples later we saw a white stag, at first Hanna was preparing her self and told me that she had been attacked by it before, I told her that I had found out that by approaching it and facing it, it would stop attacking and she would then be able to approach it safely. And so we did, it got scared at first but then it got used to use. After a litte while we went to get apple and she gave me some and we got back to fishing passing by the white stag again. Then she wanted to look at the stars had there be any but we decided to look at the clouds and imagined what shape they looked like. After setting ourselves on the ground I told her she could use my arm as a cushion and she did. At that point I stopped looking at the clouds but at her and after a while she fell asleep on my arm. I carefully got her closer to me and use my cloak to cover us both from the cold. As I did that she snuggled closer to me turning and resting her head on my shoulder. I took my glove off and gently caresses her cheek and hair. After a while she woke up seeing me looking at her smiling and she sat up. She told me about her father and how I reminded her a little, as he would never mind her falling asleep on him even when she would wake up and see him smile a bit like I was when she woke up. After talking a bit more of her family, I decided it was time for her to know about what I had only shared to M’Lady Muireann, and I showed her the tattoos and explained to her the meaning of them.
We shared a lot that night and most important her dream as she did she turned away from me and I came closer and held her. Such a wonderful heart she has and I have pledge to help her with it. . At that point she kneeled down facing away and I did so to. She, told me
" Sometimes... I feel as if life has bound me so much that I feel as a slave to the whims of others. I suppose recently it is why I have sought out so much freedom to be on my own. As if someone is trying to tell me something... but I am too wrapped up in trivial things to see what it is."
I didn’t know what to tell her and I felt my hold slipped a little, I think she felt it to. Then something I didn’t expect came out of her sweet lips.
"You were right Lex'or... I am scared that I am losing time."
As she said that she sat down and leaned against me still facing away. I changed position to be more comfortable and I kept holding her. It then that I explained to her something my sister had told me about M'Lord Darsus, his phase of staying alone roaming into town scared of not being able to see his children grow up and have children of their home. Of course Sonya was getting sad at that situation, until the day M’Lord Darsus understood that he could still be there for his friends and still live for his family, with that he developed new tactics to use his magic to conceal him but keeping his friends strong and healthy. As we talked a little more she said something that reflected everything I was telling her.
"I... feel like you will outlive me Lex'or."
I had only one reply for her and it was what I had already told her.
"It is maybe time for you to device such tactics of your own, so you can still provide your friends with protection and the power they need, but keeping yourself out of danger by staying invisible"
He understood what I meant, I hope, and she asked me to help her learn more about making healing potions as she turn and stood up facing me, looking at me I got up and told her.
"Then maybe you have found yourself a new path that will let you grow into your powers but still do what Aeridin has set for you, and yes I will help you."
And after she asked me to help her gather something’s she needed and that I agreed to go with her, she hugged me tightly. We left for Hlint after stopping to tell people they did not have to kill the white stag. After talking a little to both of them we started to play tag until we reached Hlint where we decided to make a donation to the temple. After we played tag till the temple and she made the donations with some of the apple and fish we had caught, she wanted to go right away to gather some ginger but she revised her self. She took my hand and brought me to the watch platform. On our way there I asked her if she had slept well and she said after smiling.
"Aye but you did not sleep; you have got to be tired"
Which I replied.
"I preferred to look at you"
She blushed brightly red and I smiled softly looking at her. She then sat and patted on her lap telling me to lay my head on them. As I laid my head on her laps she gently started to brush her fingers in my hair.
"You are exhausted"
I looked up into her eyes smiling a little, enjoying the moment.
"Me?... a little"
She told me she had had a great day and I told her that I had a good day up until I met her, then I had a great day and still was having one. She leaned down smiling and kissed my forehead.
"You have a sweet heart Lex'or. I hope you never forget to stay so sweet."
"Pales in comparison to yours."
I replied. Then she started to play in my hair again and hummed.
"Shhh. and rest."
As she kept brushing my hair and hummed, my eyes were starting to close with each stroke. I felt her look in my pack looking for my cloak and she put it on me. After a time of trying not to fall asleep, looking into her eyes, the gentleness of her stroke and the calmness in her humming made me fall asleep.
She had stayed there all night and I woke to her humming and gentle strokes in my hair, I smiled and held her hand. Then I heard her sweet voice.
"Good Morning sleepy head."
I could hear her smile in her voice.
"You stayed.. "
I tolled her only starting to open my eyes
"You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't wish to wake you."
I told her that it was true I had not slept well for a long time. What she told me stroked me so hard that even now that I am writing this it is something I’m not able to shake off.
"Seems we both have an effect on each others rest."
I could only nod to what she said and hold her hand rubbing it smiling, I don’t know, but I’m sure she saw that it stunned me. So many things point to this being right for each other and yet so many things keep us apart. I guess it’s all still confusing me a little.
After deciding what we would be getting together today I asked her
"Aren’t you a little tired though? Spending all night watching me sleep, stroking my hair and humming?"
She blushed again and I smiled softly looking at her. We talked a little more then I got up a bit reluctantly I must say, from her lap, complementing her that at first she thought she was looking as a mess but I hastily tool her no and the words I then said to her made her blush brightly red again while I was brushing my fingers through her hair.
"Thank you Lex'or! You're compliments are so sweet!"
She said after shaking her head and letting a small sigh out of her delicious lips and she hugged me gently. I hugged back gently.
"My compliments are felt and true»
"I don't deserve them."
She said as she turned away, to which I gently put my hand on her shoulder and slowly motioned her to look at me.
"You do M’Lady, you truly do."
"Oh Lex'or"
She smiled
"You give me more credit than I deserve. And don't argue because I know you do."
As I shook my head a little and barely had the time to let out a how? She placed her finger on my lips making me stop moving and talking on the spot. She smiled.
"Because I do not deserve a pedestal you would put me upon... for being myself."
I shook my head again.
" Hanna.. I am only stating what my eyes see, my heart feels and what I see in you"
To that she thanked me while giggling and told me she loved it when I called her Hanna, smiling so brightly.
"Yes but you are not just a simple Hanna.. Your heart is .. If we could see it.. I’m sure pure gold"
I told her smiling
"Oh but then how would it pump?"
She replied giggling again.
"You have proven me this by sharing your dream to me yesterday"
I told her smiling
"Very few know of my dream. You...and Eghaas."
We talked a little more and then she decided to tickle me so I retaliated while laughing. I think I did a good job in doing so as she was kneeling to my tickling, I kept at it a bit more and she laughed so loud that it made me laugh to. I decided to pick her up in my arms and she sighed contently as I was looking at in her eyes softly but intensely. After she took my gloves off, tickling my palms and my wrist trying to make me put her down, I resisted as much as I could and it made her laugh again. A laugh that can make your heart melt. My eyes closed to keep my concentration as strong as I could, fetidly though, she asked me to put her down and when I opened my eyes she was making me puppy eyes. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t, she was pouting at the same time. Finally she asked me again but with a simple pleased and I gently helped her back to her feet. She tried to pull me to star our gathering trip but I stopped her and she turn to face me. I looked down to my hands and closed my eyes. Slowly I started to massage them, and then the massage turned to rubbing, increasing in speed and strength. Seconds turn into a minute and she could see on my face the concentration as I did that. As my hands reached my thresh hold of pain I gently moved them to her cheeks and kept my eyes closed with all my concentration, more than ever before. As she felt the intense heat from my hands she gently took my hands in hers. I poured into the heat of my hand everything I had, every emotion for her and the heat grew on. She kneeled and it made me kneel to and I tried to keep it going as long as I could then I heard her. "Oh dear Aeridin. Thank you for bringing the sunshine of Lex'or into my life."
Some minutes passed and I felt my strength faltering
"Oh Lex'or rest. Before you hurt yourself. Please."
I opened my eyes and looked up to her
"I will be alright"
I whispered
"You will if you rest"
She said smiling gently. At that point I took a long breath in and I let it out as long and I smiled a little which she returned with her own bright smile.
"You push yourself way to much sometimes."
"I don’t think it is nothing really dangerous"
"But the warmth of your heart is so brilliant that I am afraid the sun would become jealous if it knew of your existence."
I chuckled a little at these words
"Then it can be"
"I shall have to hide you beneath the clouds so the sun does not find you."
She said smiling and standing slowly helping me on my feet. We left shortly after, to gather what she needed, starting with he garlic to after go to the battlefens to gather the ginger. On our way back we stopped at fort hope. While she was getting canteens I bought her a flower and I went inside to give it to her. She immediately smelled it deeply and told me it was beautiful.
"As you are"
I whispered but surely not low enough because she blushed and hid her face and started to walk out. I ran after her and asked her if she thought I was the only one to think that and as she was on the stairs I went down them and in front of her putting myself levelled with her.
"I am not"
She then replied again. I could not believe that she thought that so I held her gently and repeated that she was and that she knew I could not lie. She hid her face into her hood and smiled gently reaching to take her hood down. She shook her head, again saying she was not.
"No need to hide away Hanna."
I told her trying to comfort her, the best I could.
"And risk hurting those I care for? I would rather hide." I took my right hand glove off, and gently caressed her cheek with the back of it, telling her that she did not risk her friends, they knew of the danger. She pulled her hood on again. I kept going telling her that they followed her because they wanted to, by their own choice. She hugged me tightly and I returned the hug happily.
"I love you all so much Lex'or. I wish to live to see you all grow old and gray with grandchildren of your own.
Then she said that I looked past her a little and I told her she would see her friend’s grandchildren. She smelled the flower again and gave me a kiss on the cheek saying.
"I am certain with your help I will."
I smiled gently back to her and told her I would make every effort for me to see it happen and for her to see it happen to. She smiled back and gently touched my cheek.
"I know you will."
"Then pull your hood down M’Lady"
She giggled and reminded me that it was Hanna. I smiled seeing her eyes and beautiful face again.
"Hanna, M’Lady, in my head and heart it's all the same."
"Elly even... *smiles* I love it when you call my by my name."
"Elohanna, Hanna, Elly"
And she giggled again smiling.
"Elohanna Min A'Litae, Daughter of the True Light"
I repeated her full name softly and whispering the last part.
"Elohanna min A'Litae"
She smiled again.
"I don't know if my parents knew what they were talking about but I love them dearly."
I replied to her that I thought they knew exactly what and who she would become. She then cast invisibility on me asking me to be careful on my way back to Hlint, also saying she had to stay here for a bit. I told her I could stay if she wished it.
"It is not necessary and I would keep you from helping others."
She said being her generous self again. I told her that by helping her I would be helping many others in the end. Those that truly needed our help more that those foolhardy adventures that are seeking pleasure over life. She thought I was talking about Hawklen but I told her I was talking in general.
"They’re are foolhardy adventurers, hopefully they learn before they have not the chance too"
She said in her usual charming voice.
"I hope so to, but I can not hold my breath for them to do so. Sometimes you have to put some priorities and right now those you wish to help are those that need it."
I told her just before entering the inn with her. That is where I am right now writing this new page of my journal while she is getting something for us to eat and drink. Aeridin I do not know what all of this means, if it is a new turning back or not. I am perplexed right now on how I am feeling. I still love her as much as I did before she left for her self exploring and as much as the day she released me from my promise. I...
*puts the journal away as she comes back with the food and drinks*
-
Heal, protect, die, raise, heal, drink eat sleep, Undead slaying.
This is my life as of late. Even if I had a wonderful time with Hanna ad the Miranet of Symphony temple, where we talked and shared and held each other in the hot tub and getting out of it she tells me that she needed to talk to Eghaas and hopped he would understand that it she wanted only friendship
A few days later she tells me about the possibility of her and Eghaas going to more than just friendship in the future, that she wants to take her time to see where it would go. I felt like i had been used and it hurtled. Used by her and used and mislead by Eghaas. I sometime wonder what kind of sick joke he is playing on me... on her, he goes around falsely accusing Zergon that he would backstab Kyle in the back if he would trust him, not to let his children with him. He goes and basically inferior ate a barbarian about not paying attention and being followed by a gobbling into town, where on the other hand I had only talked to the guy seeing how Eghaas was acting, interrupting Eghaas and the new comer agreed to pay more attention where 30 seconds ago I could see he was about to rip the head off of Eghaas. And then there is his lie to me about not knowing the situation that i was in, in regards to my traditions when I heard him and Hanna talk about it at the pond if Hlint only a few days before. I hate to see it, but I'm starting to feel that she is being misled, and there is nothing i can do about it. I told her about those situations. Before our trip to the temple where she told me she hoped h would understand she wanted only friendship and yet now it could become more and she is defending him. Telling me that she understand his reasons. There is no reason to propagate false accusation about someone even if it is for genuine care for M'Lord Pandorn and his family. The way I perceived M'Lord Pandorn describing it, it was hatred not a warning.
After she told me about the possibility and that i felt betrayed and played for fool, I also understood that she wouldn’t need me anymore, that she would find comfort in him, and that with the sunbeam piercing the clouds at the Islare temple, that she wouldn’t need me to make her feel the sun again. She didn’t expect my reaction i guess, and she started to cry, saying that it was the other way around that she needed me, that i didn’t understand how much she needed me our friendship. She is asking me to give her exactly what i have always given her, but does she understand that what I gave her was my love. I don’t know if i will be able to keep on like this.
I think it was the same day, I'm not sure anymore, Eghaas came to sit on the other bench beside me, acting as if nothing was happening and trying to engage a conversation with me. I told him I knew and told him that he better never hurt her or I would hunt him down. He was surprise at my use of the word hunt. I told him it was as tracking him down but that he could also use that meaning. He then asked me if I would actually think of hurting him. I looked at him, most serious look i have given all my life, I told him that he did not want to know, but that if he did hurt her, I would not be lenient to him. What he told me after simply infuriated me. That it was not the proper way of an Aeridinite, and it blurted out,
Neither one Aeridinite who goes around "warning" people about Drows, more like propagating the hatred of Drows.
E:53] Eghaas Treebringer: *chuckles* the Drows has traditionally always been a warlike race. That deserves caution and a certain respect. I invite you to take that to the church if you so wish to Lex'or and confirm that fact
I couldn’t believe he would try to justify that as a simple caution and i blurted out
Telling M'Lord Pandorn that he should not let his children with Zergon, who is a good man, that he would back stab M'Lord Pandorn is not warning people, but propagating false assumption of someone, nor lying to me. The day I told you my decision about Melanna I knew you had talked to Hanna and I knew she made you read he letter i had sent to her. I asked you if you knew and you said no
E: i had not talked to Elohanna but i received a letter from her yes. I would hardly say that is talking to her
L: I didn’t know when i sit where you are that you were behind me Eghaas, I heard you talk both of you
E: pray tell where you heard us talking Lex'or?
L: it was a few days before we met at lake palden she received the letter just after I sat down in your spot, she made you read the letter and you talked about it, so you knew of it and lied to me saying you didn’t (ooc Lex think she made him read the letter but he did not look back at them although all the rest is what he heard)
Faced with the fact, he stayed silent and sat for a long time staring blankly even when M’Lady Tegan asked me what was happening and that I told her I just made my Piece with Eghaas. Then after a while he simply got up and said goodbye and left. Since then when we saw each other it is the silence between us.
Followed a suit of events where I met with my sister and we talked, where i told her many things. She could understand why or what was happening, all she knew was what she had with M'Lord Darsus and that she sometime was jealous of me as I have had several adventures in my past and i had the chance to taste that aspect of things before giving myself to someone. I told her there was nothing for her to be jealous about. That it was even better that she did not experience this as she could not be disappointed in my brother in law by comparing him to her past adventure and that this way he would not get hurt or her risk to bring an end to their marriage by her past experience. She kind of understood but it was still much for her to take in. Then me and her went to Hlint to do her some rings, she made a few but needed more enchanting oil.
So we went to get the gold at the bank and this is where I saw Elohanna sitting on the benches. I told her I needed to talk to her but that at the same time Sonya needed my help at the tower but I felt that she would be better placed to help Sonya. Once she did and Sonya attempted more rings but failed, we went up at the next level of the tower, us three, and I told her about what had happened with Eghaas. She was surprised but understood that I wanted to protect her from getting hurt. Sonya also needed to talk to her and she did. Hanna told us:
*sighs* you are right Sonya...I do love Lex'or, and I am not sure I can do justice to how my heart feels but that love within me. Is like a best friend able to share her inner most thoughts and feelings. This is probably not what Lex'or wishes to hear but how I feel.
S: I'm sorry........ I guess I'm, more unknown to love that I thought.
H: This is what I have tried to explain I wish more than anything is to maintain that level of trust and honestly with each other... It would seem I have done a poor job at it. I will not push Lex'or away because we see things differently. Not even if he wished it.
Bye that time Sonya was trying to hide tears.
H: I don't know if this makes things any clearer or not but this is as clear as I can be.
S: *she sniffles before she speaks* it's enough for now. *she speaks with an almost crying voice.*
H: Sonya dear? What is wrong?
S: I’m sorry. I ......I have been praying to Lucinda so much in the hope you two would be happy. And now it feels like I have failed somehow.
H: *places her hand around Sonya's shoulder* No not at all... Happiness is all a matter of perspective though.
S: I must sound silly right now. Sonya Darsus: and look silly.
I shook my head.
H: When I spoke to Eghaas, I told him that our friendship would never change... there is no way it would. I am happy for that and I am happy for the blessing Aeridin has given me. In you, in Lex'or... in the Angels... in all my friends. IN their hearts to help me.
And there you had it, she had said something different again, now it was back to the friendship between her and Eghaas would never change. But then she added.
H: I told Eghaas that the friendship between Lex'or and I would never change.
At this point it was final, totally final and there was nothing left to hope for. I felt truly betrayed at that point. All the tenderness we had shared, the holding, her falling asleep in my arms and telling me that I made her dreams calmer. As i wrote before I felt played. She wanted her cake and when she had it she was discarding the rest she didn’t want. That’s how I felt at that point. I was biting my lips and I know Sonya saw it but I don’t think Hanna saw it. I got up and turned my back to thing hiding my tears, hiding my anger. I made one step that I felt their eyes looking at me and Sonya asking me if there was something else I wanted to say. And Hanna telling that she would be willing to hear. I told her that she wouldn’t because I knew she wouldn’t understand. I hear in her voice that she was a little hurt and se said that since she wouldn’t understand then she should leave. I felled to my knees my arms by my side and my head low because I knew that I had done the only thing I never wanted to do and it was hurting her and making her feel rejected. I told her that i didn’t want her to get hurt
H: are you truly that afraid you would hurt me by what you have to say? Is it? It is...
I told her. And at first she did not understand. She was mixed up and didn’t know what to think and I looked at her fearly that she would push me away. Now that i think about it, does she have me so much wrapped up around her fingers that even after feeling betrayed, played for, used that I would still care for her.. Love her... I guess so cause I was truly afraid that what I had told her would break what ever little friendship we had left with that but she came to me and said:
H:*smiles gently* our friendship is genuine can you trust in that?
L: aye
H: Then trust in me too. No matter what.
Lex'or Gravedigger: i just don’t want to lose what so little is left
H: So little?
L: it’s not little... arg
H: You truly don't understand how deeply our friendship means do you?
L: I’m messed up and mixed up Hanna H: You an me both Lex'or. I just need to clear my head a bit.
We continued to talk for a bit, joking about apple pies and how i was not fluffy enough yet and after a while we left.
This is a turning page i think. Things will never be the same between us from now own and it saddens me a little. Like I told her, beside my Christiana, my mentor and trainer that thought me Aeridin ways, I have never knowned friendship with a woman. I don’t know better. Yes i can talk to them, joke with them and listen to them, but real Friendship... I don’t know what that truly is. I will keep her to her word though, and I will try to trust it again. But my feeling of having been used i still there.
*The page is left with still some place left on it.*
Things can be deceptive and disappointing sometimes.
I was in Dregar with a bunch of people and we were waiting for our guide, Hanna was there as well as M'Lady and M'Lord Pandorn, M'Lady Jil to. There was this shady person hanging about Hanna shifting from disappearing to appearing and it made me a bit nervous so I took place close to her. And it seems he didn’t appreciate it and moved off. The guide Finally came and it was a trip that many had already taken but some had not came back for the second part of it and he had only place for one more and we had to chance it out. It is M'Lord Pandorn that got the honour to go so I left to Lorindar to catch the boat back to Mistone.
As I was walking I was caught up by this Red haired woman asking me if she could walk with me. I greeted her and we started to walk and talk at the same time. I showed her a few things of the area and she was glad, she even said she felt safer knowing i was there to walk with her. I showed her the Merconoid but unfortunately they spotted us and I had to deal with them. I saw that she is a capable fighter and later found out she was a paladin of Toran. Clarissa is her name and on her way to Lorindar she explained to me that this was her home town and that she had not been there in a long time.
We arrived in Lorindar she told me she hadn’t seen her folks in a while so we made a little visit to her childhood house.
Their house was nothing really too fancy. Since her father was a paladin of Toran and her mother a priestess of Rofirein they donated heavily to the churches and lived a modest life. But it was still comfy and clearly had a good taste to it. I listened to them talk as i did not know what to say. Sometime if you don’t have anything to say it is better just to keep quiet and listen.
What I noticed most in the conversation was that Clarissa's father was worried that she would not be able to face the evil that exists in the world. Both mother and father are very experienced adventurers and sheltered Clarissa since they were so familiar with the evil in the world. In the conversation, Clarissa tried hard to convince her father that Toran was protecting her and that he did not have worry so much over her. She told him that she was even enquiring into the Champions of Toran. He looked a bit surprise and was happy for her but warned her that the challenges there were very dangerous and he wished he could be with her to protect her.
Overall it was a pleasant visit and the family was very loving but after a while I got the distinct impression that ready was ready to leave and get back out in the world. So I reminded her of the boat that we needed to take and we almost did not make it.
BOAT!! Beside my heart, they are my worse enemy... well the sea hehe.
From there we met a few times, worked to cleanse the crypts and she is a really swell person. We even went to Dregar today with a few of her friends. I cautioned them about not killing senselessly, but once again it fell to death ears. Well I couldn’t let them go and get killed; I was the only cleric in the party. So I stayed back my weapon hustled and buffed and healed them the best I could as they were fighting the giants of the forest of the mist.
We ended up meeting with M’Lady and M'Lord Pandorn and M'Lord Jako that joined with us. Unfortunately even if the first part of the trip was relatively easy, it was in a goblin cave pest vale that M'Lord Jako fell. I prayed Aeridin that his will be done and that if it was to be, that he would raise M'Lord Jako and in such Aeridin answered my prayer by giving him back breath and he lived. After the gobbling house and cave I partied with them heading back to Mistone.
I also met with a Lucindite called Dalila, we have made a lot of venturing together and she seems to be pleased by my knowledge of the lands. I brought her to see a couple of sights near leilon, black fort castle, the temple of Lucinda that really made her happy she had never seen it, and also the waterfalls of Shoufal. We also gathered a lot of things that I later gave to Hanna.
Dalila is a pleasant company always smiling and easy to make laugh.
The last time I met her was coming back from the Globing house, she was there at the entrance of the mist forest talking with one of her friends, Krain, Krali no... Kalin yeah Kalin was his name. We talked a bit then she asked me if I would show them some places over here. So I proposed them to show them the way to Hurm. We traveled slowly, talking as we walked, me showing them the areas and what they could expect to find. I even showed them the direction of where my now gone village would be found if it still existed.
Finally after a long walk filled with talk and laughter we arrived at Hurm and made way by boat to Leilon. Eh I wasn’t sick for once *laughs* From Leilon we went to Hlint and I needed to retired so she wished me good night and told me she hoped we would be seeing each other soon. I told her we would and she smiled.
I don’t know why but as of late most of the new people I meet or go on trips with are woman. *looks up at the sky* is it you're way of saying i have to move on. *Obviously talking to Aeridin* I just don’t know where to stand about many things and for now I am not looking for anything. I feel as though something of importance is about to happen, something that might not be that great ... I don’t know how to explain this but it’s not a feeling i like.
And there are the many things that happen and I don’t write, talks with people and friends that I wish more private and only commit to memory. I just wish them to know that it is not by strife that I do not write about them, but more that those things are best not written down to the prying eyes of the one that would stumble onto my book.
Aeridin keep safe all I care about and mend the wound I have made in Hanna's heart, please make her see that what I told her about Eghaas is the complete truth, and that there is nothing that weren’t the badgering of a friends name, even more so when that person try to justify himself and laugh while doing it.
-
To many things has happened and I just dont feel like playing catch up just for the sake of reding my self on my rocking chair a old man trying to relive his past glories. So I will keep to what is important.
I have train hard, very hard alone and with Dalila and Clarissa, but mostly alone as is what is required from the path I want to walk in. At one point M'Lord Quatum has taken me for my last teaching. I know that he was taking me along the long road in the Krandor crypts, not saying more about what it is to be an Undead Slayer or what I should be prepared for. I understood he wanted my powers to run out, so I would be the plain me. At first I had trouble understanding why he would do such a thing. Surely he did not want to kill his own protege I thought. But yet he kept bringing me from room to room, fighting the undeads, and me using the powers Aeridin gave me to keep me strong and fast untill I ran out.
Thats when he stopped and told me the last things he was going to teach me. "The most important person in your party when fighting undead is you no one else. If you powers fail you will die, there for always have two set of the same protection for you and you only."
Those word resonated in an akward way in my head as I thought of Dalila and Clarissa. but mostly Dalila. But I understood what he meant and I agree with it. No matter How strong Clarissa or Dalila will become, if I die first and they die after, they will not be raised. As an undead slayer, I will aslo have to make the choice to continue on my task even if they fall. The mission is more important than anything but still it will be a distroughting choice to make.
When he finished telling me those things he surprised me as he said happily that I would make a great Undead Slayer soon. I will not fail him, nor my friends and for most, I will not fail Aeridin.
The other important thing that is happening is that the pain I felt is slowly subsiding. I guess I will never completly stop loving Hanna and time has passed since the time she released m of my promise, but I find my self to be drawn more and more slowly toward Dalila. I know so little of her yet, but still I feel like I know more than most and small things leeds me to beleive that she might be recepricating those starting feelings.
I am not saying I am madly in love.. no but I did realise when I saw her fell the first time, that I cared deeply for her a lot more than just friends. Knowing her past and mine, I do not wish to rush into anything, I just want to take time and see if indeed she is feeling the same. There is no rush but it is undyingly happening for me slowly.
As I talked to Clarissa about my past and about Dalila, she gave me the impression she felt I was head over heels for Dalila. Funny.. but at the same time it puzzeled me. Clarissa beleives that I should only love Aeridin and give all I have for him and him only. But I believe that life is not life, if you do not share the love that Aeridin gives, with some one. Of course people could say that Aeridin is not the god of love, but you can not be the god of Life, if in that life Love is not included.
Well as my sister sais, Time will tell and at the moment I greatly enjoy all the moment we have spent together, wither it be trainning, fishing or just talking by a fire camp in one of the many places I have shown her, and yet so much more to show her.
I am not dead, and my heart is still beating, Aeridin keep it this way, I know that what happened is not the end and I have my life, well whats left of it, in front of me.
*Puts the quil down ad retakes it in haste*
Oh yeah one more thing. I saw the sun and the sky, oh how I missed them. When the Queen gave her final goodbyes, the cloud parted ways and the sun shine throught so brightly. Then the blue sky was there in all its beauty. There is also an other place where I can see the sunlight shine throught the cloud in sunbeams, and it is such a wonderful place.
All of this is telling me to keep training hard and harder again and even harder after that. We, undead slayer, I in the making, can not let the undead taint the blessing that Aeridin has given to all with such life and beauty.
-
*Sitting on his mat, in ranger’s vale, Lex'or looks at the last page he wrote in his journal. The candle light making his shadow dance on the pillar that he is leaned on. A soft glow of yellow lighting his journal. He takes his quill, dips it in the ink then damps the excess so it does not drip. He look at his white pages thinking of what he will write, the gently, with an elaborate but not overzealous handwriting he starts to scribe his thoughts and recollection of the days that past by*
Training and Training.
I apply what M'Lord Quantum has taught me every day. I wish they would start to learn, but at the same time it's fun. Since I'm not allowed to have fun killing living creatures or harming them, if not for protecting those I am traveling with, I have the luxury to let go of some frustrations and tensions on the Undead. A bit like earlier tonight, when I went with Dalila and some Kalin, a friend of hers. She knows Eghaas; I was a bit unprepared for that. I don't really know why it got to me except that the water has not yet passed enough under the bridge. I try, I really do, but at the moment he is not gaining back my trust as I have not seen him do one thing of what he has promised. So I went in the crypts barely waiting for Dalila. I saw her walk in front of me and turn around looking at me and it snapped me out a moment. I proceeded to cast protection spells for both of us. Then we went on. What ever she casted on me seems to be working well cause for the first time I was able to stay in all the acid fogs without even suffering once of their effect, or maybe that’s not it...
Is it me or is it just that easier to get rid of the Undead when you're frustrated??. I mean it seems like I was swinging through them like if I was cutting butter. We arrived to the causic bone thing in a record time; I dealt with the others that were with him first, then again collected proof of my training there, proof that will be handed out to Muireann and the angels. And then I turn around and I did something I usually don’t do with so little person. I went for the caustic bone thing. A fireball, a missiles storm but mostly my two hammers of gods and my trustiest Copper Morning star with its silver and fire enchantment minced that bugger into a dust pile. Of course I had not seen the other acid bones, well I did, and I just did not care. Then we came out, and instead of using my turn Undead to scare them and travel safely out of the crypt like I usually do, I fought them all to the last of them, that were standing in our way, and well not always in our way. Once again like if there was nothing to it. I was a little surprise as how little I god hurt and the times I did, it did not care and kept my mind on destroying those reched things.
As we came out Dalila asked me for the second time if I was alright, she had notice I was not my usual self and I told her looking a little over my shoulder that it was not something I wanted to bother the both of them at the moment as it was a little personal. I did not mean to send Kalin away like this, well maybe a little. But not by making him feel he was unwanted. I acted like a jerk tonight and I'm not pleased. He left clearly annoyed and did not stopped when we tried to tell him to stay. I got annoyed at myself and went to sit by the sea shore where she joined me asking me what was wrong. I explained to her a few things that had happened between me and Eghaas, things that I perceived and was told by others. I did tell her that I could be wrong on a few things, but what I saw for my own eyes, and what I was told by M'Lord Pandorn, a man that has my full confidence, I was sure of. I also told her I wasn’t expecting them to know each other and she understood why, I hope. She barely knows him and was a bit surprised to what I told her. She then had to leave and before saying good night, with a hand on my right shoulder, she told me that if there was anything she could do I needed only to ask. I looked at her a soft smile on my face for once this night, and told her she already had and she left, once again with me looking at her go away.
Facing the sea alone I realised. My feelings for Hanna are no longer one of love of a man for a woman. Our little talk a month past before going to Storand, made me realise that and put the final dot on that page of my past. Thing will be easier between the two of us now I am sure. Our friendship will be able to grow, without me being hurt by the two of them seeing each other. Still I don’t trust him, he has not shown any sing of wanting to make things better and at this rate I think it's making it more evident that he will not. There for giving so much more truth to what I was trying to warn Hanna of her being mislead by him. It is her choice and she asked me to have faith in her. I will, but it doesn’t change what the facts are. If he did do those things and I am simply not aware of them, then it will be a pleasant surprise. But neither Zergon nor any one else has told me that Eghaas has publicly apologised to Zergon.
And the last thing I am going to write in here tonight before laying in my covers, on my mat near the temple. I had a real great time with Dalila, took her to the lake of dream. It took us a few days to reach it, and at one point she was just too tired so we made camp. I didn’t want to wake her up in the morning so I left her sleep a bit more until she woke up by her self. From the other time I had went to that lake, I had never noticed the cave in the forest of the ruins and after her invisibliying us both, we went to pay a little visit to it, only to find a myriad of monk that were not the friendly type. We made our way out of there safely and proceeded to the lake of Dream.
She seemed to like it at first looking at the monastery asking me question about this place. It made me realise that, if I wanted to make this a truly special experience for her, I would need to brush up on the history of the place I am taking her. We also looked around to see if there were fishes for us to fish and well we found two good spot, next time, Ill bring more worm and a second set of gear for her. After going near to the nature temple at that lake, I saw that she was troubled by something and I asked her what it was.
She told me that I would think she was crazy if she did told me, and I told her that it would be impossible for me to think such a thing. She told me about her dreams, her nightmares. Dreaming every night of her little sister and reliving every night her death. She told me about a new dream she had, of her sitting on the benches of Hlint and seeing her little sister walk by, motioning her to follow her until the dire forest and then changing into the man she hated most, Samson. On how she was so angry that she tried to cast her spell but found her self without power and him laughing at her, telling her how much he loved seeing her this mad that it was the key. Then she told me how she woke up, actually in the dire woods not knowing how she had gotten there from bed.
She did not understand the reason for those dreams but I think I have at least part of the reason why. She feels guilty of seeing her little sister be beating to death in front of her eyes and her not being able to do anything to stop him from killing her. It's my thought that it is haunting her and will keep haunting her until she truly forgive herself. She asked me how and I told her that the only way I knew for that, was to truly accept that there was nothing she could have done, that her sister was in a better place. And when she told me she thought Samson might still be alive and that she didn’t not want to become like him. I took her hand and gently brought her to me and she leaned in on me where I held her as we kept talking. I told her that I would do everything I can to help her. She wished she could repay me, but I told her that I did it because I wanted to and that I appreciated her, not expecting anything in return. She smiled looking at me.
That’s when my sister showed up, me still holding Dalila with an arm to her back, her leaning on me. She had tried to sneak up not wanting to disturb us. We asked her why she was here and she told us, I... we wanted to take a little stroll. Took me a while to understand as she was playing riddle with her brother, But Dalila had it figured out and OH BOY! She is carrying a wee one and both her and her husband seems very happy about it. We talked for a little while, and I received word that I was needed at the temple so I had to leave them there. After Dalila invised me I made my final goodbyes see you soon, and rushed to the temple. Now, curiosity always gets the best of me and I truly wonder what they talked about while I was gone.
All of that led me to my final realisation before I left Krandor to come back to the temple and my mat.
Either I do or I don’t...
*Put his quill away and blows on the pages to dry them, the closes his journal and lays him self on his mat looking at the clouds above him, his head resting on his arms.*
I do...
*Looks up until he falls asleep.*
-
So many things, too many things.
Firstly my family is alive, even my mother, Changed but alive. Sonya was successful in her attempts to raise her 11 years ago but not that all successful. What the town villages describe to be as Sonya was in fact our mother, She said that she was the one to take Flaura and Fauna, but was to late to save Tamara from the villagers who had turn on our family, while our father stood by doing nothing to protect his own family. I have a hard time believing this, Father was no fighter that I know of, but he loved us more than anything and he would not have stood there and see the mob coming to kill his own children... would he?
At first it was hardious, she tried to convince me to help her take the children away from Sonya and help her raise them. I could not do that, at first I was not even sure if she was a live or an Undead and I must admit that on a few occasion I almost went and dealt with her as I would with an Undead, but something told me not to do so. Finally after much anger toward Sonya and seeing she could not sway me, she turned her attention to Sonya and started to whisper to her. I didn’t pick up a lot but "Forced" and "I do not want...» after some time she and Sonya went to the children and then she whispered to her again.
I was held back by my two sisters but I think I was able to reach to Fauna as I remembered her of the things we did together as they both were child I saw a tear run her cheeck but then, as something I have seen beforen she started to laugh hysterically, while Flaura was trying to entice Daniel.
It all finished well, I think, she invited me and Sonya and her children also her husband, if Sonya wanted it to come and visit her when her house would be ready. I told her that if my duties permitted and that no more harm was done to Sonya and her family, I would consider it. Although she told us that she was not proud of what she did to the town, she would never let anything harm her children and grandchildren. I don’t know if she actually did kill Rain, but I know that she brought him back and he is now resting in Sonya's arms. Apparently Mother and him had a fight and she thought of him to be an enemy as much as she thought Sonya was.
What she told us about the villagers, I can partly take as truth, as they did try to kill me. But something doesn’t feel quite right, I don’t know what exactly just a feeling... but the news of them Killing Tamara and trying to kill the twins puts a lot of things into consideration... do I keep the tradition alive, tradition of peace and understanding and respect from generations or do I let it die as they killed Tamara?..
Then there is Also Elohanna... and her moving in with Omer first in 118 Llast where I knew she was doing it to keep close to Melanna spirit and effectively not moving on, but also moving in with him while being with Eghaas and Omer telling her he loved her. I don’t get this guy... I can’t believe he would act this way and no matter what, I am sure he knew about Eghaas. It was a really hard time again between me and her, as I tried to make her understands she was doing the worst mistake of her life and would eventually risk losing and hurting Eghaas, talk about history repeating itself. It ended up with her leaving Eghaas anyway, but still being friend but also telling Omer that there would never be anything between them more than friendship. Yet she still bought a house with him in half lake...
I also found the one name Jin Jun lee, he told me his story and how the task he once held as an Aeridinite needed to be completed, but by one of the church, which he is not. At first he thought that because my path was one of the Undead slayer, I would not be fitted for such a task, but I guess he saw differently when I explain to him that one did not cancel the others, wither it be me brining the light of Aeridin to the Undead or livings, the peace and love of Aeridin would be the same. So he asked me if I wanted this task and I accepted it. I will have to speak to Dalila to see if she wants to help us in that task to and also to Hanna.
Finally and maybe the most important... I think I am failing Dalila. I see her less and less as of late and I think it is due to the fact that she may be bored in taking part of my trainings and duty. I can not truly be by her side when she goes on trips, as I know that they will end up fighting living things, but this puts a strain on my heart. I wish I could be there to protect her and be there for her, but my code and my faith prohibit me harming and killing a living thing. I gave her my promise I would help her find what she desire the most, her own blood. And in such I do have to find a way to help her and protect her when she is out there. I would not be able to live with myself, knowing that she died, when I could have been there to heal her and protect her.
Guide me Aeridin.
-
*Sitting in front of the Holy statue in north point Lex comes out of a long meditation that lasted a 3 days.*
Preserve and protect life, but bear in mind that in the Great Cycle of life, death also has its place, so life should not be artificially prolonged. Seek out the undead and put them to rest, so they can rejoin the Great Cycle. Do not harm or kill others except in the direst of circumstances. Do not refuse to aid those who need it.
*stops a few moment and think again before continuing to write*
"Preserve and protect life"
Yes, An Aeridinite must not be a killer and must seek peace over the pleasure of the hunt, as outright killing goes against the wishes of life that Aeridin has for all of us. Although, protecting some one who ask him to help, or a friend would fall into the wishes of Aeridin as we would be helping that person to remain healthy and live a prosperous life, maybe even profess the love of Aeridin for the living and help to change their ways.
"But bear in mind that in the Great Cycle of life, death also has its place so life should not be artificially prolonged"
Well that means that undead needs to be put down to protect the great circle of life. It also means that all things must come to an end when Aeridin think that it is time.
"Do not harm or kill others except in the direst of circumstances"
Dire circumstances goes back to the protect life. If someone would ask of me to go to help him get silver, then I would be protecting his life. Further more if i do not hit first, it means that I am not the one instigating the combat but protecting myself and the person I am with.
"Do not refuse to aid those who need it"
This is where the dogma comes into contradiction, if you take it the way some of the brothers and sister views the word of faith and how so none of us should go where danger is at risk of having to harm, none of us should get out of bed all day since even walking on the ground could mean we could step on a ant and kill it.
But then again if someone ask us to go and help him out to gather silver, the holy words does say "do not refuse to aid those who need it." By refusing to help him by acting as a cleric to heal him and protect him if needed, to follow him where he must go to gather the resources he needs to make his craft and possibly bring food to his family. We are indeed going against the wish of Aeridin. What if by our inaction or willingness to go, that person dies, not only have we not protected his life, but we may as well have put children out on the street, as their provider could not return to take care of them. Causing even more suffering by our inactions.
Firstly our duties as healers are not fulfilled if we do not aid the people that need our healing in the time they do need it. And our duty to preserving life is not being respected if we refuse to go out there and help the people, one to survive and two to understand the ways of Aeridin.
If it is not enough that some of the brother and sister I talk to think that we should not be out there when battle can be expected, their views also goes against how I am and feel.
I am one of those people that must keep his word; my word is the only thing that truly defines who I am and what people can rely on to follow the action that comes with it.
From my young age I was always compelled to help others, even those I do not trust or even liked, but deep inside I know that redemption is available for all and who am I to judge, there fore I stomp on my personal feelings and help all of those who needs it.
And if there is one thing mother did taught me more than anything is to never betray a friend. Ever. For ANY reason. That also means that when I say i would help them if they need it, I should honor that.
A lot of recent events have made me rethink a lot of what I held true. The village traditions for one. When mother told us that the village it self had killed Tamara, it made me realize that it was not because they were scared that they had thrown me out of the village and thrown rocks at me, but because it was witch hunt, trying to find Sonya and God knows what they would have done to her..
But I also feel that my vocation as a healer is not fulfilled, even if I am moving onto becoming an Under slayer, I am still a healer and staying home or at the benches is a poor way to respect the gifts I was given. How can we say we are healers of life, which our powers are given to us by the healing light, the life giver, if we do not go where the healing is needed and refuse to help those who needs it.
I know this will not please, that i will be looked down upon, but Aeridin be my guide, he did not gave me these power so I stay sitting when the people are hurt bleeding and dying. This is not the way of a healer, and surely it is not the way of the healing light.
-
Once again I find myself in north point, this time it was with Hanna. So many times when it comes to discussing the faith with her, we tend to leave ourselves with sorrow and hurt hearts. It saddens me as she is my friend, but at the same time, difference of opinions is something that will always happen. Even more so when it comes on understanding and interpreting the faith.
I had showed her the scribing done on the shield that stands guard at the door of the temple. Once again, my eyes caught the writing that Christiana had showed me so many years ago.
Preserve and protect life, the gift to exist is not one to be taken lightly and thus one must live an exemplary life, devoted to benevolence and care. Tend to those who ail. Offer your gift of healing to make their stay in the mortal realm a wholesome experience, yet once death has taken its toll, respect the passing and enjoy the found memories of their life. Do not dwell or mourn those who past for too long, death is sadness, but without understanding sorrow, one can not understand happiness.
Promote health and the well being of the body and mind before everything else. Any extension, transformation, alteration and corruption to the natural form and shapes of being, is an affront against the sanctity and purity of life and should be confronted at first, with gentle lessons and benevolent teaching, and if such ways do not work, with a stern and firm stance instead. Violence is the last option; use it only on those who defy these teaching.
undeath is the most blatant aberration to the sanctity and purity of life. Put them to rest by any means necessary so that their souls may reach their homes. use the gift of the Caring light, to bring brightness to the darkest of places, never succumb to its temptation for they only bring a taint on the spirit
Again within those lines, lays my thoughts, offer your gift of healing to make their stay in this mortal realm a wholesome experience.
What does this means truly.. I do not think it means to stay planted as a tree and hope that someone who is bleeding will pass by. I think that like the word scribed on the statue in the temple, it means that you have to bring the gift that Aeridin gave you, up front, to go where the healing is needed to be proactive in making sure that the people live their life to the fullest.
While reading the code of the paladin of Aeridin the other day, i found it amusing that I am so close in my thoughts to them but still did not follow that path.
Devote yourself to life. If there is any way to prevent death and preserve life, it is the way of Aeridin.
Judge not others. By judging others, you yourself are judged.
Honor your words and live by them. Your oath is as true as these laws.
Help others live a full life, and harm not the harmless.
Help those in misfortune, for gold is valueless next to life.
Heal the sick and wounded who ask for assistance. Those whom you have deathlessly defeated remain your responsibility.
Abandon all greed, hatred, and evil feelings towards others. These close the mind to truth and engender a hatred for life.
Pay homage to life by living freely and allowing others the same.
Respect those who would teach you and ask nothing of those you teach.
Respect the laws of mortals, but remember always that your fealty is to the laws of Aeridin.
Pledge your life, soul, and word to Aeridin. Never should you worship another and never should your faith falter.
Not Pride, Humility. Not Greed, Generosity. Not Envy, Love. Not Wrath, Kindness. Not Lust, Temperance. Not Gluttony, Moderation. Not Sloth, Zeal Never Evil, always Good. Bring light to the darkness and you shall always be counted among Aeridin's blessed.
Wear the symbol of Aeridin with Honor, Love, and Devotion. Never rape, steal, or murder.
Take only what you need, and give only what you can.
Many of those are my daily thoughts, a routine as some might say. But two phrase strikes me more than other.
Devote yourself to life. If there is any way to prevent death and preserve life, it is the way of Aeridin.
Help others live a full life, and harm not the harmless.
In those two phrases I see exactly what my heart and minds yells at me every day. Go out there, help them. How is that? by preserving their life, I can help them understand the sanctity in life. But also it says that by preserving their life I am indeed helping them live a full life.
The other thing that strikes me is this. Harm not the harmless. This bares a profound meaning. A harmless is someone who, how ever he would try, would not be able to bring himself to cause harm to an other. Clearly, one that charge at you because you are walking near them is not a harmless. If its intent is to strike you down, to feast on you or the people with you, that is not harmless.
As a cleric of Aeridin keeping true to his teaching, am I not to preserve life of someone from those who would willingly take that life without question? The answer is yes.
I shall no longer be Silent. I will bring the light of Aeridin where ever I go. There is a difference between priest and clerics. Priest are those who's calling is to serve the temple and show the light to those who comes to them. A cleric calling, is to go and bring the light where ever he goes, to bring the healing to those who needs it and not wait for them to come to him. I shall be proactive in bringing the light of Aeridin, his light is his gift of healing.
Without Light, there is Darkness. And without those who bring the light, the light will not shine
-
I spent too much time in north point. Too many things changed, friends I have not seen in months, Dalila far most. I have missed her a lot, even wrote her a few letters but they all got lost on the way there.
I came back to Mistone for a short leave of my duties, well I told the head priest I needed a break and now that the group has found what they were looking for, I am even wondering if my services are still needed.
So I'm back to Mistone, walking the path to Hlint, only to find Hlint almost deserted. I keep walking passing through fort Llast and past Krandor. Those seem to be like they always been but where is every one? I continued my way and arrived to the town now called Port Hempstead. Now I know something is off. Two guards at the main gates, and so many people into town, lots of adventurer but a lot more of poor people to. I must say that I was shocked at all these change, but one have not change. Her warm smile and her way to great me.
Dalila was sitting on the bench with Erik and they were talking, not wanting to disturb them I just politely hailed her then told her I would be going so she could keep talking but she did not want me to leave, instead Erik gave me his seat and politely left. So we talked for a while, until one I hoped time would have made mature decided to show up and started his pestering again.
I don't know what got into his head, but he decided to challenge me to the arena, after denying me when I issued him the challenge. So of course, after all the time he insulted Dalila, and lately his attack on the church, I accepted.
Using all the gifts Aeridin gave me, we started the bout, I had asked for the arena because I know of its magical aura and protection so no one dies, and he started to cast one me, most of his spell unable to penetrate my protections, my sight seeing him even if he was unseen. I sapped his magic out with some dispelling powers, tried to stun him a few times with the hammer of Aeridin, and even flamed him a bit, so he could know the power of the life giver. He then used some tricks to slow me down, trying to outrun me, but when he started to use some spell that I could sense the evilness emanate from them. I think they call it phantasmal killer, I knew he was going too far. I healed myself of the little injury he had inflict me with the only spell he could manage to use that penetrated my resistance, and then when I thought he had a spine, he surrendered and ran out of the jousting area. Of course, knowing what he had done to Dalila so many times I did not trust him and in such I pursued him and made sure it would be over still within the protecting wall of the Arena.
After that, I went back to Dalila who was not happy at all. It really made me feel bad and I left her, but as i was thinking under one of the most beautiful trees that follow the path to Vehl, I went back looking for her. Bought her a bouquet of roses. I gave her the flowers, but her frown made me understand that she was not ready to talk yet. Instead this elf, tried to shove me away by his words, I did not really mind he was the least of my concerns, but that frown was unbearable so I left.
She found me a few hours later and we talked. She told me how when Kalin was around, I was reacting in a way that, frightened her a little. I tried to explain to her as best as I could, but deep down I knew the only way she would understand was by her reading from her own eyes the words of my faith.
And thus we went to North point, where i showed her the blessed shield with the word of our faith. She read it, keeping quiet at first but then turned to me asking me for more clarity, and I told her that even when at first I tried with a gentle way to talk to Kalin and he rebuked me, then after, when his attacks were more on the personal nature to her and then to my faith, I had no choice but to stand fast and stern and used the only mean he might understand.
Many words were said after this, tears shared by both of us and then she hugged me, still a tear in her eyes. She understood more now and I truly hopped and still does that she will not be frighten if she sees me in those way again.
Unfortunately as always, time was pressing against her and she had to leave. I went back to Spellguard with her, but as soon as I stood down the portal I could feel that my time back would be limited. She understood it and was saddened by it, I could see it in her eyes, how can a look hurt so much, I felt the tearing in my heart. I told her I would try to get more time from the church, and in such I succeeded.
Since then I have met her once, briefly, she was on haste to finish some business but promised me she would come back and soon. I miss her already.
*blows on the pages to dry the ink and closes the book. Cleans the feather and blows out the candles and goes to sleep*
-
Events now in motion;
My thoughts are not clear anymore and I find no solstice in prayer. The way I thought was so clear has darkened into a state I can no longer recognize it. May faith in the life giver is as always strong, but the more I look and the more I find myself unable to look upon the church and see my place in it. The change in stance, and the moving away from the protection of the circle is not settling in right with me. but I keep on and put a mask over my interrogations, so that no one else sees them.
The hardest thing happened to me a week ago, Dalila, who I have never stopped loving for the past two years, told me that she would be leaving soon to find her son. I told her I would be going with her as I had promised, but she told me she did not want me to go. I was distraught by those words. I objected and tried to explain to her that I could not let her go alone, knowing that she might never return from over there, that i could never forgive myself if something happened to her and I was not there to help her, to protect her. That I could not bare living on with her gone or dead. And for the same reasons I gave her, she told me that those were exactly the same reasons she did not want me by her side, that she couldn't have me dead, and right there she laid her hand on my cheek looking in my eyes. Could it be that she does feel for me? i don't know but all that I know is that I will not be able to take care of the only person that truly matters to me as she will go back to her master, trying to take the son he has wrongfully taken away from her. I still remember the cut on her hand, a cut he gave her through a dream, what could he do to her when she will be in front of him.
Knowing i will not be able to be with her I decided to give her somethings that will help her. I found Master Quantum and passed my order. I can not go to the Angels about these things without raising to many questions that I am not ready to answer yet. I also entrusted a special Jar to master Quantum with specific instruction on what to do with it. I just hope I get the items before she has to leave.
He was quite confused on how I was reacting and talking about things, and also to the fact that I had pledge myself to his service since I could not pay for the Item, and the talked drifted to my stance with the church and the changes in them, changes that I feel is straying away from the teaching of Aeridin. He told me that if I could not find myself in accordance with those teachings, that I might be time for me to move on and find my solstice elsewhere. his analogy with the exploding alchemy vial as to my faith exploding if kept bottled up and the one with the perfect mixture when my soul and faith are in accordance struck home with a bulls eye. He also invited me to a meeting of Toran when I would be willing to attend.
I just cant phantom the day where I will be force to let a man go to his death because the stance of the church makes it impossible for me to act as a cleric. If to be able to use the gifts Aeridin gave me, I have to work under the banner of an other God.. No I can't .. can I? I mean it's not something to take lightly. I ask myself over and over the same question since we talked, could I server two master? My faith in Aeridin is strong as strong as the day I kneel in front the head priest and vowed to server Aeridin, but my faith in the church is shattering. How can they dismissed all that we have fought for, bled for, protected with our own life. How can they simply push away the notion of the great circle with the back of their hands. I look at them and all I see right now is traitors to what the teaching of Aeridin are. To protect the circle and to aid those who need help has always been my calling nothing else nothing more. I care not for the politics or the inner power game that is.
I have a hard decision that lays ahead of me and I do not want to make one that I would regret the rest of my life. Aeridin! shining beacon and healing light, I need guidance...
-
It seems, master Quantum requires me to aid him on the pursuit of a lich, aid me? *smiles a little* he changed it to he would be the one to aid me. He has faith in me and my abilities, it is nice to see he does, but sometimes I feel that he is not telling me everything about why he does.
Like today, I have learn by hearing from a distance that he was stepping down as the Hand. It is a sad notion, even more when you feel the time and ages press heavily on his shoulders. Most do not see it, but I do.
He is more than a mentor and one I pledged service to, he is a friend and a dear one, and the world will have a a huge void in it when it will be his time to be called away from our plane. He taught me a lot more about myself, than any one ever did ad for this I will be for ever in his debt.
-
She is gone.
I had finally gotten the last items of her gift, A mage robe, A greater ring of sorcery but more important, a specially made amulet of charisma. My own blood was mixed with the gold, giving it a deep red tint and on the back, inscribed are these words.
"So that my heart and soul be with you for ever when I can not be. With all my love, Lex'or"
She found me at the docks of Hempstead looking out at the sea, wondering if she had gone away before I could see her again. Approaching me from behind, she laid her hand gently on my back. I was stunned and turn to see her. Standing there in front of me as always so beautiful. We talked for a little while and we made way to one of her favorite places I had showed her. There we talked as long as we could stand it, knowing that it would be the last time we would see each other, maybe for ever. She knows I am going onto a mission that may end up getting me killed and I know she may never be able to come back from the claws of Samson. I would give anything, everything to be with her, to protect her, even my life. And this is exactly why she has pushed me away and is now gone.
As she red the inscription her eyes filled with tear
D: “Lex’or, you are too good to me. I don't deserve it”
Her voice slightly shaking I did the only thing I could to try and calm her fears. I reached her cheek and brushed it gently with my fingers
L: “I do not believe that, I believe that you deserve every bit and more of what I feel for you. You have swayed me, rampage through my heart, showed me wonders just by looking into your beautiful eyes. For the past two years and more, close to you or not, I have always felt the same. I have always felt you close in my heart...”
I gently tapped my chest over my heart
L: “... and without knowing it, you became one of my pillar, the center one and strongest one. So yes, I believe you deserve all of that and more. Even my life for yours”
She tried to smile at me but she looked down as if she was trying to hide something. I lifted gently her chin with my curled index
L: “What is it?”
I gently ushered her
D: “I can't...I don't want you to worry even more.”
She ushered back to me.
L: “I can not worry more than I am already worrying, please tell me ... everything.”
My eyes begging her to know
D: “No...You will. I know you will. There are things you don't know about him....that I did not know till recently....he never really died.”
L: “Trust me”
I told her almost whispering. She sighted before continuing to tell me and I nodded slowly as she spoke with her gentle voice.
D: “He let me go...so I could find hope...so he could hurt me later. He is not fully human Lex'or. He told me he was a tiefling......that means my son....he is one as well, not completely from this world.”
I looked at her, my eyes as always filled with love and admiration for her, offering her a small but comforting smile.
L: “Only partly, his best part undeniably your traits.”
And then she continued to speak
D: “He knows about you and my friends...if I don't go....I can't stop him for taking everything I love away.”
L: “But with us you may be able to.”
D: “No....I don't think he is going to let me go Lex. He will let my son but not me. He wants to hurt me too bad.”
I closed my eyes feeling my frown heavily on my face and then I felt her Warmth surround me as she hugged me
D: “I have to go. Now...if I don't leave now. I won't be able to.”
I could feel my anger brewing in me. This man I had never met had such a hold on the woman I loved. It was intolerable and my mouth started to speak of such truth in me, buried in me.
L: “I swear to you, to every thing I hold dearly and love, if he hurts you, Aeridin be my witness, and I will hunt him down.”
And I closed my own arms around her remembering he smell, her warmth and how she felt in my arms.
D: “I will miss you Lex'or. If I don't return find someone worthy of your love. Please be safe. Please don't try and find me.”
She held the necklace I gave her in her hand as she continued to hold me with the other arm.
D: “This will never come off. I will forever wear it to remember you. Please don't forget me.”
The last thing I saw of her was tears running down her face and she vanished in front of me. But a whisper remained.
D: “Please don't forget me.”
And she was gone.
I sat there in the same spot where we had shared our last moment together at the Miranet of symphony exterior gardens, I don’t know how long, days maybe. I felt empty, shattered and alone. In the next few months I know that many things will happens, I will have to get up and walk some paths that will for ever change me. Some paths I never thought I would walk. And now as I am writing my last words in this journal, even though many people around me that calls them selves my friends would say. You are not alone. There is only one truth. As long as she is not by my side with me.
I am alone.
*He closes his journal and binds it with a leather strap never to be open of his living days again.*