The World of Layonara
The Layonara Community => Just for Fun => Topic started by: lonnarin on September 28, 2007, 04:06:30 PM
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Revenge is a dish best served cold; this is a universal truth. In any cases of revenge, it is best to wait at least 2 years before the wrath for the following benefits...
1) When you do something in the heat of passion, your mind isn't focused, you get sloppy. It's easier to follow the trail.
2) You are an obvious suspect if the bad fortune happens while you have active beef with somebody. 2 years later, they likely don't even remember that you still exist, and any wrath you bestow is erroneously attributed to whatever current enemies the target has.
3) You have time to think about it and plot on a level that the angry mind cannot possibly comprehend. Your revenge can have insidious symbolic meaning rather than just a reflexive outburts of violence.
2 and a half years ago, I lived at an apartment complex run by a slumlord. When I moved in, I inspected the place with the inspection-sign-in sheet detailing what needed to be fixed and what repairs I am not responsible for. I gave the landlord his copy of this, and absolutely NONE of the repairs were made while I lived there. Then when I moved out, he docked my deposit for everything that was wrong with the place before I got there, to the sum of 220 dollars. To add further insult to injury, I visited the place later after the so-called repairs he deducted me over should have been done, and the next tenant showed me around the place. Absolutley no repairs had been done by the landlord, repairs for which he claimed when seizing my deposit, he had to pay out of his pocket for! So essentially, he committed fraud lying to me about the repairs, as a horrible landlord for never even making the repairs in the first place, and stole money from me. I cannot forgive this slight.
Now I could take this guy to court, but as we all know, even the smallest of court cases cost well over 220 dollars, and I don't have an extra couple thousand laying around to pursue justice just for sheer virtue of it, and even then, the slimebag would probably countersue me for even more made up damages that the corrupt court would sponsor... No, law would do nothing. I would need to take justice into my own hands.
Today when I was at Publix, I saw such opportunity. For just 38 cents, one can buy a big hulking 2 foot long cow's tongue. Nobody wants to eat it, so the price is a mere pittance for such a good hefty amount of meat... each one weighs 4-7lbs. Sadly, the store doesnt have many, just 10 or so at each Publix. I aim to visit each publix in town this weekend to buy up all of their tongue and stockpile it for dubious cause... for a mere 50 bucks or so.
Rent at that complex was always due on the 1st, slipped into the mail-slot at the office door. This means that until this upcoming monday, I will be storing these 200lbs of tongues in a big metal garbage can, covered up and sweltering in the 100 degree heat of Orlando. When Monday rolls around, I'll borrow my friends' pickup truck and run out to that complex, stuffing each of those smelly, rotting tongues through the mail slot, each perfectly sized for it. And then *laughs maniacally* THEN they will know the true meaning of a dish served cold! 200 lbs of sweltering, rotting, bloody tongue!
Mwaahahahah!
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lol...
...just beg and pray this guy isnt a DM here :D
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Dude... If you REALLY do this, you are my hero...
If you don't...
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lol...
...just beg and pray this guy isnt a DM here :D
I actually was over 2 years ago, back before this thing called work.
In any case, I may have to scale back on the sheer number of tongues just to save beer money. One should suffice to make a statement, if I manage to make it rotting and stinky enough. If I sit there with 200lbs, the likelyhood of getting caught is much greater... one tongue though. hmmm. That's easy, and still disgusting.
Here's what they look like, pretty hefty.
Erik’s Blog (http://www.erik-rasmussen.com/blog/2007/03/24/cow-tongue/)
http://sandiegojack.com/whack/content/images/large/cow_tongue.jpg
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1. That's hysterical.
2. Are you sure it's wise to have a record of your activities available for the finding posting on the internet?
3. What do you mean "Nobody wants to eat it"?! Tongue is the most tender, delicious cut of beef. There are few things on this earth as wonderful as beef tongue, loving wrapped in a warm flour tortilla, with freshly made salsa....
4. That price is a steal, there's no way you could find it that cheap around where I live... although if they are as big as you say, they are inferior: You want them at about three pounds, otherwise they are tough.