The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: the.fall.within on October 10, 2007, 12:35:46 AM
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Dear Father,
Even though you are dead, I write this letter to you in my diary...To say things I never could say to you when you were alive. I have cried my bitter tears for what you put me through, and no longer do I love you. My love for you fled when Mother died along side my brother. You changed after that. You changed me. Your words and your actions have wrapped a bittersweet shell around my heart, and you have tainted my soul
Know this, Father, I do not blame you. These words spilling on this parchment like the blood that spilled from your lifeless corpse come from the child that I once was. I am older now, and I understand how my unnamed brother and mother's death cut you so...How it made you revert to your old ways and worship...How you turned an innocent, young girl into a bitter, jaded woman.
I fled Vehl papa. I fled it in fear. After Jonas the guard gave me your ring and told me you were dead, I knew you were betrayed. That associate of yours that you did so many jobs for, I fear it was him. And I knew, just knew, it would be my turn next. So I fled. I ran to the docks and fled to the ship headed to Port Hempstead
I grieve for what I once was, what I could have been, but you taught me, Father, by words and your death, that you can only count on yourself. I do not believe everything in that dogma you followed and forced onto me, but hear this, Father, hear this well. I will live my life and enjoy it. I won't let anyone take me, ruin me, chew me up, and spit me out. I am free. I make my own way.
Signed,
Acedia Rowle
**Acedia rubs her sleep deprived eyes, re-reading what she wrote in her diary before closing it with a hard snap. She wraps her cloak tighter around her as she sits unseen in the shadow of a building, watching the townsfolk of Hempstead go about their daily routine**
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**She sits on a bench by a pond just outside of Port Hempstead pondering the strange woman with horns who she had just spent several hours with. Shaking her head, she looks about, making sure no one is near. She then takes off her bracers and gloves, revealing jagged and badly healed scars criss-crossing her forearms and hands. She absently rubs one of the larger scars, then takes out her diary opening it to a fresh page**
Dear Diary,
Is this how I should start my diary? No one is going to read it but me... Oh well, it seems like a good way to begin. So then...
My first days in Hempstead were uneventful until I met a very strange woman with... horns on her head. She did not speak Common very well, and from what I could make out, she was speaking goblin. I was quite wary at first, trusting people is still very hard for me, but she was friendly. I asked her where to go to alter my clothing...She managed to understand me and happily took me there. It seemed she needed to change some things for herself as well.
I finished altering my clothing to what I wanted it to, and Avar (I can't remember her full name) looked to be about half way done, when some shrill elf woman started to scream 'Demon!' Avar smiled at her and tried to appear harmless, but the airhead continued to scream and yell 'Guards!' and ran out of the building. Shortly after she left, she came back with one of those tin cans. He ordered her out and threatened her, but due to her poor understanding of common, it took her awhile to get what the guard was saying.
To prevent her from being hauled off to jail, we both left Hempstead. After a few awkward moments and misunderstandings of speech, she asked if I would help her improve her Common. Feeling out of place and a bit lonely for company, I agreed.
I have never taught anyone how to speak a language...It is more difficult then I had imagined. I never realized one word can mean so many different things. Needless to say, it was very difficult. We must have spent a good six or so hours just pointing at things, saying the name, and using them in sentences... It was exhausting. By mutual consent, we called it quits for the time being. We shared our goodbyes, and she went on her way while I remained on the benches thinking..
**She looks up from her writing and catches movement in the distance. Quickly and efficiently, she replaces her bracers and gloves. She closes her book and replaces it in her pack. She then gets up, silently moving, and fades into the shadows**
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**She carefully and quietly gets out of bed before going over to her pile of clothes and belongings, searching, then finally finding her pack. Still ever so silent, she removes her diary, and with movements that a panther would envy, treads silently to the bench under the window. She opens the book to a fresh page, stops a moment to look out the window at the rain, and then begins writing**
Dear Diary,
What is happening to me? Emotions, feelings... whatever they are, I have never experienced them before in my entire life. I had thought I removed the capacity for feeling after my family died...Obviously not if I am experiencing it right now. How did she do it? How could I fall for someone, and female at that? Am I just a confused little girl, or is this a dream that is coming to life?
**she shakes her head as if to clear it, darts her eyes over to the bed, then continues writing**
It all started when I first met her in the market square. She moved with such confidence, strength, and grace that I envied her. She appeared to be all that I wasn't and all that I wanted to be. I then caught a quick smile from her, just visible underneath her hood, before she spoke. A shiver went through my being at that voice and smile, but I dared not to let anything show.
Then and there, I felt compelled to follow her. At the time, I did not know what was happening...I just went with it. Years alone can be hard on a young girl, loneliness is not a natural state for living beings, and by the gods, I never realized how alone I was. Is it wrong for a woman to love another woman? If it is, I wish never to be right again.
For a couple months now, I have been with Kinai. She has shown me more in my trade than my father ever could with his harsh words and punishments. She has improved my handling of my kukris, how to silently move around using shadows for cover, and has been there for me. It's much easier to write this down here than to say it... I love her.
**She pauses her writing for a moment just to look out the window. The continuing downpour soothes her. She thinks to herself how rain can wash things away...Wash away hurt, wash away fear. She unconsciously smiles, a smile unguarded, a smile not forced, a true smile. She then continues to write in her diary**
After all these weeks, I am not confused over my feelings. I fell for her. I hope she feels as deeply about me as I do. I want to keep that smile on her face, there is too much sorrow on it. I won't ask her what has made her so sad, if she wants to tell me, she will. For now, I will just be there, supporting her, and loving her.
Love. Its a wonderful and terrifying word. It can save you or destroy you. I do not care. For the first time since mother died, I have known happiness. If I die now, I am content, I am ...
**Her quill trails along the page as Kinai quietly comes up from behind and puts her arms around her waist. Hot breath bathes her ear with warm sweet air. "What are you doing over here? Its cold," Kinai whispers. "Come back where its warm." Acedia stands up quickly, her diary forgotton, and falls into Kinai's embrace**
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**She sits in the shadow of a large tree in Hlint, she touches her lips gently with a finger, still feeling Kinai's on them. She smiles softly to herself, shakes her head softly, a stray lock of hair falls over her eyes, and she absently tucks it behind a pointed ear. She then takes out her diary and begins a new page**
Dear Diary,
This last fortnight has been... quite eventful. We were in the Haven mines with Kinai, Pyyran, Karn, and a person I didn't like so much named Brian. I died down there... A Gnoll saw me in the shadows and plunged his axe into my back, then everything went dark. Screaming in pain, I awoke, only to noticed a hooded woman all in black leaning over me. I jumped back and looked around as quickly as I could in my weakened state. All I could see were dead Gnolls, their bodies ripped apart like from some wild and crazed beast charged through.
I backed away from the woman till my back hit the cave wall, asking why she saved me. No one saved another without a price, that was the rule of life. She agreed. At that point, I was frightened. I had never been that frightened before in my life. She told me her price was that I would do her a favour, any favour, in the future. A favour... How could I accept, if I didn't even know what it was for? I steeled myself and told her that. I think she was smirking at me condescendingly, I couldn't see her face, it was just a feeling I had... It was then I started crying out my beloved's name. Quicker than I thought possible, Kinai was there, but the dark lady took off, saying to me 'Remember'..
We left the mines after some time and went our separate ways. Kinai took me by the hand over to where the wheat grew and taught me how to pick it to feed to the cows. I just smiled and put a little show on for her as she watched by the fence. Afterwards, she took my hand once again, and told me there was something she wanted to show me.
We ended up in a secluded spot overlooking Haven. It was beautiful, with its small pond and its flowers blooming. I felt so at peace just sitting there by her side. Kinai smiled and whispered to me. I do not know what she said, I just looked at her and fell into her arms.
The moon shed its light over our forms. I stared into her bright emerald eyes and was lost in them for what seemed like an eternity. This time and the time by the Zainge river was absolutely glorious. I do not know what I would do without her. It scares me, this deep love, but it also makes the world brighter for me, and I do not wish for it to ever end. We spend so much time together that I can not imagine what life was like before she entered my life. She is my life, and I hope I am hers.
We just stood there afterwards staring up at the stars. Kinai took my hand and traced a mess of scattered stars in the sky asking if I knew what that was. I told her I didn't, and she smiled at me saying it was Shadon's constellation. Shadon. I turned that word over in my mind, liking how it sounded. I want her to tell me more about him. The god my father forced on me... seems so shallow compared to how Kinai worships Shadon. She enjoys her life even with the sorrow in her. I want to as well.
**Acedia sighs softly to herself, closing her diary and putting it away. She then heads to the portal in a local house Kinai showed her and hops in transporting to Wayfare. Something in her knew she would see Kinai again very soon**
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**Acedia sits quietly by herself on a bench in the main square of Hempstead. Darting her eyes around to make sure no one is observing her, she reaches in her pack pulling out her diary, flipping to a blank page, and starts to write**
Dear Diary,
It has been quite the eventful couple weeks. I am not quite sure where to begin; Maybe I will start where I saw these strange creatures that seemed to engulf us in some kind of darkness. That is a good enough place to start, I suppose.
The memory of that trip wasn't very pleasant with the creatures popping in and out of everywhere and being pretty much ignored by Kinai. We were all in some mountains that I never got the name of, nor do I care to get. A very long story short, we ended up in a hole... and I got jealous of Kinai... she wouldn't answer my questions, and stayed close to Dur'thak talking to him the whole trip. I felt very small and alone.
When we met next, we both burst out into apologies at the same time and laughed, then I knew everything was going to be fine. I even spent some time mining copper and tin for her as an apology for my jealousy. I was way too happy to remember anything else, just that we ended up in some snowy mountains with Pyyran and some others. Unfortunately, Kinai had to slip away, but we made it through, and I even saved Pyyran's life. We all made it back just fine and ended up in Vehl, where I arm wrestled this elf named Teefal for a pretty belt. I nearly ripped his arm off! Sometimes, I forget my own strength.
My time with Kinai seemed to fly by way too quickly, but I treasured every single moment in her presence. The topic of Shadon first came up when we were huddling under a blanket in a dwarven fortress in a cave. She whispered softly to me that she would answer any question I had about him later on. I just smiled and lightly kissed her on the lips. I could of sat there forever, but, of course, we eventually had to leave.
I was sitting outside of Vehl under a tree doing nothing in particular, just sitting there, watching people go and do whatever they had to do. I turned my attention to the cobble stone road and I thought I saw a puff of dust or two roll across the road. I shook my head slightly putting what I saw due to my paranoia. Kinai then appeared beside me, I just caught her form out of the corner of my eye. I stopped myself from jumping up and pulling out my kukri's. I should trust my eyes and instincts when I see something, but I just chuckled to myself. It's Kinai, and she has a habit of fooling my senses.
I was really happy to see her. My tenseness forgotten for the moment, I just lay across her lap and smiled up and her. She started to give my shoulders a massage. I didn't realize how tight my muscles were until she started to massage them. She has such a wonderful touch, and I think her fingers are absolute magic as I just melted under them. Lying there in her lap in a state of total relaxation, she finished up, and I slowly crawled out of her lap and then patted mine indicating it was her turn. She just sprawled out across my lap, and I started to work her knotted muscles. I don't know what made her tense, but I concentrated on working all the kinks out. She sighed happily and asked me if I wanted to know more about Shadon. Of course I agreed, and in between her sighs of pleasure at the massage, she started to tell me more of Shadon.
Shadon, she told me in her own words, was a god who teaches one to enjoy their life fully. Kinai explained the differences in the views between Shadon and Branderback, how they were similar, but Branderback's teachings were more... cruel and dark hearted. Kinai told me she thought Shadon meant you live your life the best you can, enjoying it completely no matter what. The idea is to look back at your life before you die and say, "I have no regrets". Kinai promised to show me his temple someday and then she fell silent. After a while, just enjoying each other's presence and love, we reluctantly got up and faced each other. I kissed her with all the feeling of my heart and whispered to her that I loved her. Kinai smiled at me and said she loved me as well.
Speaking of love, I just wanted to write how I see Pyyran. I love him too, but not in the way I love Kinai. I finally figured out that I look up to him. My own father, I think, did not love me. Maybe it was because I looked too much like Mother. Maybe he wanted me dead. The jagged scars he gave me all over the forearms and hands for failing to learn his lessons quickly enough make a little more sense when I think about it. In a way, I'm glad he is gone. I think if he lived, he would have eventually killed me. Anyways, diary, one day, I hope to get the courage and call Pyyran Father. If I tell Kinai what I think and feel for Pyyran, I think she might be happy about it as well.
My short life has been filled with sorrow, sadness, and regret. I won't let it rule my life. I have found happiness with people I care about. I love and am loved in return. I will live my life and enjoy it the best I can, so with my final breath, I can smile and say, "I have no regrets."
**Acedia closes her diary and tucks it away. She then smiles to herself while getting up and heads towards the Scamp hoping to find Kinai there.**
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**Acedia just quickly writes down a few notes near the back of her diary about her learning of her mothers tongue from Khuren.**
Teachings from Khuren. Just a few words so far. I need to speak to him a lot more and have him help me pronounce the words properly. I can understand elven mostly its just speaking it and getting the proper meanings right I need the most help with
Irrace
ilnynya
nelile