The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Krell Himmler on December 30, 2007, 06:37:42 AM
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Today I was in some weird guild hall and some vampire was chasing some guy, I acted indifferent and the fool, they suspect nothing, a cunning ploy if I do say so myself.
Signed,
Lucius Kaiser
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Met leaders of the Corath church, they arn't as kind as other members of their order, I will one day destroy them, to protect the family.
Signed
Lucius Kaiser
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I met another group of do-gooders today, they claimed I am not fit company and that I am evil, maybe, maybe not, I don't concern myself with such philosophical debates. I convinced them i was insane, this serves my needs, if people believe I'm insane they will never know the danger that lurks below.
Signed
Lucius Kaiser
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I killed Silvia In'Darsus today for the lich. He states he will reward us and I eagerly await this time, I felt some guilt for doing so, but it was my soul or her death so I feel it's a fair deal. I felt some level of humanity today, it has been a long time, I feel the anguish of my fathers death by my hands fading, but as always I do what I must. My sanity returns slowly as time passes and I am starting to see things clearly again.
Signed
Lucius Kaiser
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I visited my father's grave and added his skull to the top of my staff, through some minor magic I have made a plain white mask to conceal my face this should serve me well in the future. Now he will always be with me. Father in life you may have been cruel, but I found a menial use for you in life yet again.
Signed
The Red Wizard
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Today I was left to reflect upon the death of Silvia. I did not feel guilt over this, to me it was simple her life for my soul. Naturally with a sweetener of gold on top of this but can I even call it a choice, I don't think so. Killing her was hard, I had developed somewhat of an attatchment to the dumb girl, but her spoilt life and rich family didn't afford her any protection or leniancy this time.
Heinrich was captured and killed, the fool. I cannot believe he confessed and the rumours that I have heard state that he told them the location of our temple in the Ire mountains, now comes the time where I must worship Corath in secret and away fromt he temple or not at all, a severance of paths for the purpose of continuing my own life, the priestess was harsh and cruel for nothing, so how will she be for something. Heinrich cracked under pressure and didn't maintain his lies and deceit to defend himself, he won't be forgiven for this and no one who knows him or worked with him will be forgiven. The church's retribution will be quick, harsh and deadly. I wonder when his trial is scheduled to occur and why he revealed so much when we were basically home free.
Unsigned.
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I was approached, to use my casual friendship of Brian in order to reveal his location to others. For what purpose I don't know or care to be honest, money is money and this has nothing to do with me beyond the duties I have signed for. I wash my hands of this. Apparently G'ork wants to teach him a lesson for something, he didn't say what.
I saw a symbol of Corath, the assassins section on a cloak G'ork was wearing today, if he truly is a member, his punishment will be harsh and swift for wearing this article of clothing. I can't help but think he is under duress and control in this instance. I will investigate further to find more information, he seems on edge, angry and agressive.
I was lectured by a Lucinite for raising the dead to my bidding, I got a tiresome lecture on how I should see the light and not be corrupted, eventually they left me alone to burn more mushroom men and take their gold.
Unsigned.
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Lucius slowly opens the book, reflecting on the events of the past few weeks, the viscious manhunt for him and his accomplises, he beathes a sign of relief and wonders if it was really necessary, that doesn't matter now.
He wonders if it was necessary to kill the young girl and if he saved her soul and his own through his actions, damming others, or if it was all part of some greater scheme of the lich. He pushes this to the back of his mind and alone and in the dark, begins to read through the first paragraph of the book the lich had given him, heaving a slow and great sigh as the last word passes from his lips.
He wonders what the Lich's reward will be, he hopes it will be knowledge or one of the secrets of undeath, his weak body barely serves as adequote for daily life, littleown the rigours of adventure and the stress it takes upon one.
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The lich says I will get my reward at or near death, I cannot think what this may mean.
Weird happenings on black ice island, it turned out to be nothing but I netted an alexandrite and a saphire, I will keep my eye on the region and check up regulary to see if there are any developments. An angry ice drake killed a few party members today in a burst of ice and death.
Unsigned.
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My past and deeds haunt me, there is no turning back from the path I've chosen now. I am damned but this is the fate I chose with the actions I made, I can't help but wonder had I another father and had I a mother perhaps things would be different, I will seek my death through battle, but I will not go down without fighting.
Unsigned.
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Today a Grey Elf, named Glitch'nich Amthrmil agreed to teach me Elven, in exchange for his services I have agreed to teach him two fourth circle spells. Lessons with him will be starting immediatly covering initially the basics, this prooves of great interest to me in any and all information gathering efforts.
Unsigned.
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I was taught a few more words and snippets of grammar today from the grey elf, I have yet however to pay him.
*Anirillin Aey* Thank you
*aeym amacnyesa* You're welcome
*amilycylan*
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I am intrigued to my past, I am yet to remember sufficient detail therof, except the death of my father, I must investigate to find out who I am and what my background is.
I tried to help some today, in an investigation, I came with good intentions, to atone for me past. They hated me and attacked me, a man with a bow shot me.
I am become hate, they will pay.
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Lots has happened since my last entry, I told glitch'nitch of who I was, witholding my name naturally but I have at least a confidentiant who understands my situation....where to start.
I found some book of many thousands of years old some do-gooders demanded the book from me, during their demands a powerful animated creature of some sort attacked and they began to fight the creature, during this time I used the confusion to quickly escape from them and then hid in some bushes on the clifftops, I managed to make good my escape thankfully. Lex'or gravedigger, Lance Stargazer and Chakar are all looking for me now, I believe I lost them long enough for them to give up, just maybe. On top of that, some powerful drow have decided they wish to acquire this book also, apparently it's some powerful necromantic tome, I havn't devised its purpose as of yet. They offered the poultry sum of only five thousand true.
I also had another event, I stole a gnomish lense from the murderors body as he lay bleeding, Khuren. He knows not that I stole it and I shan't be returning it to him, the gnome wouldn't offer a reward, claimed it was their lifes work, ha! Twice I havn't been adequotely rewarded for two things I stumbled across, if they had paid me properly perhaps they'd have what they want.
I also hope to continue my Elven lessons with glitchnitch sometime soon, this would be most beneficial to me, I have learnt quite a bit so far but wish to continue these lessons further.
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I recently travelled to Kraskin to get some saphires, I dream of owning my own home, to support my trade and my temple. I enacted my vengeance on the warlord down there in those caves. I transformed into the demon of tensor and eviscerated the viscious little bastard! I cleared the entire cave and then mined some Saphires, fifteen in total it was an especially generous vein, this should bring me a lot closer to my goal of owning a home. I am also hoping to increase in scribing skill, although the art is painstakingly slow.
I feel someone at one with Kraskin, the freezing cold and ice reminds me of the art of necromancy, which I study so hard and am utterly and completely dedicated to.
I am growing more and more impatient with the church, I posess an incredibly powerful tome, yet none answer me, I may very well sell it to the drow at this rate. Chanda's absence growingly troubles me, perhaps it's for the better that the cruel witch is absent, maybe I will lead the church to victory.
Unsigned.
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I put up a notice for a magic school, this will be a great way to attract new applicants to Corath and in addition a great way to increase the True in my coffers, I am eagerly awaiting any applicants however I am aware that this may take some time.
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I taught Elohanna a few things about counterspelling today, she was a novice but she understood the basics, I will not teach her my greatest secrets of mage duelling, or how to get around a mage who counterspells, this would ruin any chance I have in future confrontations, with her or her like, if they were to find out my aledgience. She is a beautiful and honourable lady, I wish her no harm, but I never know what may happen....I have to survive.
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This may be my last journal entry, for some time or forever, things have taken a most distressing turn, with enemies everywhere I have resolved to search for a final glorious battle in death, life is no longer worth living for me, I am trapped in a world not of my making or desire or design. There is no way out.
Signed
Lucius Kaiser
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I find myself falling deeper into insanity, torn between normal morality and the organisation I am a part of though not of my own chosing. I cannot escape, if I leave I would be hounded until the end of my days, if I stay I lose myself. I have killed, too many things and people to ever be forgiven for my crimes, if any ever knew I would be condemned to dance the eternal jig of death at the hangmands noose. I thought of taking my own life, but after all my struggles, this is too easy. There is a woman I loved, but that wasn't to be. I find myself falling deeper and deeper into despair. I am beggining to feel a disdain for the living and a love of the dead, no betrayal, no hate, no love, just simplicity, existence as it was always meant to be. Maybe my lapse to sanity is short lived, perhaps I fall back into insanity I do not know.
I go to meet Fisterion soon and the high priests of Arnax, yet I feel no fear. I may very well meet my own death at the hands of two very different ends, by torture, horribly painful death at the hands of Fisterion's flame, yet I feel no fear. I have resolved myself. If it is to be my end, then let it be the sword of my enemy, not my own that does it.
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It has been awhile since my last journal entry, they change constantly, my experiences are so great and varied, I cannot keep a tab on them all.
I met the first kind lady I have ever met in my existence. But even her god seems to hate me. I...cannot do evil to men anymore, but I cannot do good, I just don't care. They are the reson that my existence has been so hard. I hate some people, some I wish no harm to befall but of all the things I hate, are the gods. It is them and their hateful games that cause me and so many others so much hardship. In their sick games they would see all destroyed to their own ethos and pathos, to their own twisted extremist design of what the world should be. I question my devotion to Corath and in essence to every good, all they do is pain me.
I wish to greater pursue a recent avenue that has become open to me. I have been offered a chance to work in the council of hope as a spy against their enemies. I believe that I can work as a double against, bringing down the followers of the god for my own profit, good evil matters not. All that matters is myself, and I am here to stay, I am the agent of balance and destruction, this is a world of men and to men it should belong to. As best I'm able I will play the gods against one another, weakening them all. This is mans world and to him it should belong, no matter the cost. Who are the gods to dictate action, friend or foe based on THEIR beliefs! Freedom for man, freedom for all. We can balance our own existences.
Signed Sincerely,
Lucius Kaiser
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I grow in power fast, constantly, I read and study every waking hour, the dead bend to my call. I have but one aim in life, to destroy everything that every god stands for, the time has come for the men to stand alone, for now Corath's summons and powers bless me, help me fight my enemies, but I use it only so long as is necessary, I feel no loyalty or association for the goals of this god, but do I owe it for my salvation? Law and order would see me dead for the death of my father.
I am almost always alone, I have no friends or family, the only person I speak to really is a Rose Blair and an unusual man of the church by the name of Balzag. He has stood by me, I guess but he is unreliable and I fear unstable. Rose is truly kind, but her hateful god wishes to punish me. I hate Toran and all he stands for. Corath may be cruel, but at least in its cruelty there is honesty, Toran claims justice and goodness, but punishes those who wish change, those who see a glim sliver of light in the darkness.
I find I am a deeply troubled soul, I barely hold myself together anymore these days, I throw myself at my enemies, I have long had no fear of death, but sometimes I fear that I wish for it, that I want to bring it on myself.
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Rose is growing increasingly tiresome with the fake god of Toran. I shouldn't isolate this god as the only fake one, as all gods are fake, the one true god is man himself, the gods live from our worship and OUR power. It's time to take it back.
G'ork asked for my services in questioning Brian today, the pay was good so I happily went along with him, however Brian became irate and tried to run, I paralysed him in response to which G'ork killed him, he did give him a chance to fight, but alas, it was not to be, he stood there and just died, I had no part in his death, neither did I try to stop it. I wash my hands of it, but I must say I really do not care, he's rude and a fool.
Signed,
Lucius Kaiser
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It was not long since my last journal entry but so much has changed since then. I have been thinking and thinking about the death of Brian, when I think over the conversation, G'ork did offer Brian a chance to escape with his life.....but he got foolish and ran....apparently in the past Brian had betrayed G'ork and another, whose name I don't know to save himself. I don't know any details on these events although I dare say I never will. G'ork, the one they call evil and condemn is ironically the closest I have to a friend, well him and Balzag....I have no doubt of their evil...but their is honour and friendship to be had in them...they do not judge, they accept me, regardless of my past or actions.
I have resolved that I will be alone whenever possible, company is only useful regarding the benefits it may offer me at any given time, be they money or survival, I have made very few friends.....but the few I made turn out to have so many issues or encumber me personally to such a large degree that I have begun to believe they are more of a hindrance than a help, most notibly those of the so called "good" variety. The so called council of hope whom I was hired to infiltrade and find the identities of were all just fools and idiots, I was initially swayed by their kindness and good nature, by their helpful attitudes, but things changed; worthy of nothing but their enemies blades....I sucessfully found the identities of most of their members, through intuition and by following known members, their secret wasn't even slightly secretive, if I conducted my operations in such a manner I would be dead; they never even knew I was there.....One of their number, one of the oldest members...Krys as he's known a monk wearing all red almost showed everyone my identity and could have ended my life and months of work.....I won't let it happen again. I am giving his name and identity to all of my contacts..I don't know if he's the leader of this council, but they will think he is, I can't risk his bumbling incompetence. I have worked long and hard to get into the inner sanctums of the Corathite church, demons, undead and more. If my identity is revealed in public, all of that is for naught.
No one had ever been kind to me before I met Rose....but I grow more and more wary, what I had believed to be an honest and sincere person I begin to think is really using me for information....I don't know. All I do know is that I've grown more distant from the worlds of men, my only friends increasingly become the dead...or should I say the undead? At least in them I know loyalty is assured. I was a fool and I must find a way to remedy this mistake. I cannot bring myself to harm her....but I will remedy things, I must.
Signed
Lucius Kaiser
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I lost control of myself in the temple, I summoned a demon and threatened some of the lower ranking members of the clergy.....this was not wise of me. Before I knew what was happening darkness closed in around me and I was drowning on my own blood, I don't know if I died or if I lived....I managed to climb onto the horse I think before passing out again and it carried me from the temple, I can't give up, there is more to this then what I could believe or possibly imagine at this time, necromancy is my art and I believe this book to be the pinacle of it. So much blood....everywhere *passes out again*
This is not the end.
//written some time after the fact
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//written after the saga of the temple:
*The harsh velium paper has deep impressions in it from the nub of the metal pen, Lucius draws a blade across his wrist, using the blood to write upon the black paper*
I have felt things and thought things.....I was a fool and idiot, what man such as I trusts anyone. I left a lot of lose ends due to my foolish actions, I must find a way to tie them all up before it's too late. My name, my face, my voice, all these things must change.
*the writing into the velium gets harsher now, almost tearing through it, Lucius throws some books into the wall in a fit of rage and yells, launching a fireball into the wall of his study, smashing a bookshelf*
WHO AM I TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE
Thrice cursed by all the gods, i dragged myself from the gutter, I met a woman, an Aasimar...I fell for her, I was stupid.
*at this point the entries trail of into inconsistant babble, consumed in rage and cursing*
But Lucius....we will twist this to our advantage....this is NOT the end! Those at the church will pay...Krys will pay. I will bring back Te'thalus and have my revenge against those who have wronged me, those who seek my death!
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My horse brought me home...dead. I awoke sometime later, saved from the next life and the soul mother...I thought it was over. Somehow Rose must have seen me on the horse, was I dead? I dont know I guess so. She came to my...our home I awoke for a moment to see her face, perhaps the last thing I see....wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I was wrong about her....just maybe there is hope for us afterall, I lay here held in her arms, did I die, did I live? Will I die? I don't know, all I know is it hurts horribly, my chest feels like it is being ripped apart and I am covered completely in blood, all over my face and in my mouth.....so much blood *passes out again*
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I went along to help some sea elves, they were comely lasses and quite friendly, the pay wasn't bad although I must admit that was a major determining factor in my coming along....
I was dismayed to hear the Corathites were at work here. How stupid of them to be so brazen and open.....I think I managed to destroy their altar and hide the evidence from the others, they didn't suspect a thing luckily. I hid it in a tomb in Lar. If the clothing is ever found no one will know what to make of it...I sucessfully covered the tracks of a blundering fool, almost at my own cost! I hope father Corath forgives me for the destruction of his altar, but I had no choice.
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Sometimes I don't know what to think......sometimes I get angry at Rose's foolish love of the false god Toran....but she is so kind to me, I don't know what I would do if I was without her....sometimes. The Corathite order took me in, tought me the weave, they tought me how to survive.....they tought me hate. So why do I feel and think what I do now...I don't understand these feelings tear me in half. Her and the council gifted me with some scrolls for my efforts, I feel gratitude is it? No one has given me anything before, sometimes I think about joining them and leaving father Corath but his retribution would be swift and brutal....The armies of the world could not stop his wrath that would befall me...I know too much to be allowed to live.
But then I think, my feelings for her and my gratitude for the Council of hope are one thing....but my hatred of the world. I cannot stand so many of the people, I cannot bring myself to their pain or destruction but if something were to happen of my causing then I assure myself I would not interfere to save them. The world deserves the same cruel fate it inflicted on me....if I had met people like Rose earlier perhaps I wouldn't have fallen to this path, but here I am. Condemned to hell, such is the fate of the damned.
Now I have this book, I feel I'm at the crossroads of fate, give it to evil, give it to good or keep it myself and harness its power.....
Sometimes it gets too hard, I stand atop the walls of hempstead at night and look down below, perhaps it would be better if I ended it all.......if only I hadn't been born to this fate.
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The past haunts me. The death of Silvia, Brian, my father. Their souls haunt me and trouble me. I cannot stand the pain of these events. I want to tell someone, to relieve the burden on my soul but I don't want to go to prison or to be found out by the law.
I feel remorse and I am sorry for my actions, but I cannot change them. I am committed to the path now.
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Interesting news reached my ears today from a man, a Farros Galdor. He told me a few interesting things, apparently Plenarus Ashley, Clarissa and a few others aided the return of the dracolich; Dracus. Some council of hope it would appear from their actions they are more akin to a council of doom.
I was surprised that all of them did not fall for working with an evil dark elf. I spoke to Elohanna about Rose, and she got quite curious and repeatedly asked questions of us.....it would appear she wished something to happen although I'm not sure what. People and their motivations never were my strong point.
I told Elohanna not to speak to Rose about it but it appears she did so I will endeavor to follow up and see what I can find out about the whole thing. It will be interesting to watch Elohanna squirm, I think I will play with her a bit and see her try and lie perhaps.....lying always was my strong point she shan't be a match for me in this arena. Perhaps I will glean some more useful information from the whole debacle.
Then again, Rose loves me, she taught me what it was to be special, that there is still good in the world. I find myself drawn to a lack of faith in all things....I do not believe in the gods...I hate them all. Good, evil, neutral all of them should leave men to their own devices and their own world. I will keep attempting to work for both sides....where it suits my interests, I saw evil...in my opinion from good and evil. There is only evil in the gods and this is not my path.
Sincerely Signed,
Lucius Kaiser
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//requesting change of diety to blank, my CDT and RP supports this completely. After such cruelty form them he feels that such a god is not one who would wish to support but without ever being helped by the other gods or given 'mercy' he dislikes them all, converting to nothing and paying lip service to none. He believes the world should be run by men for men. The GM's who follow me around would've seen this also in the RP.
//Despite the change to no deity being fully supported IG and through RP I'm just not having fun with the way deities work here and would enjoy it as one of the faithless.
//I do envisage him staying a member in so far as being there and helping with missions as he still 'owes' them one and it is a place to belong...but believe in the mad god himself is somewhat lacking, it may be a temporary lapse of faith, but that depends on the course of events beyond my own control. I just go with what happens.
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I have been spending more time with Rose priest of the false god. That is, any god. I have decided that it will be my life's work to wage war against the gods with my words. I could not destroy them with power alone but I hope to speak against them whenever I can. The gods gain power from the worship of men. Every followers I remove from the faith is a little bit less power they have. I hope to grow and create an organization, I will call it the organization, or amongst members "The Faithless". Our aim will be to bring down the gods and create a new world, a better world, a world of men.
Corath was cruel, he was hatred incarnate; yes I have hated and do hate many things....but not everything, I have made friends, love and comrades....people I could not bring myself to ever hate. Dedication to one god, means dedication to one set of principles to the exclusion of all else that is part of life. To be one with Corath, was to be cruel and hateful of all the world, without mercy or compassion. To be one with Toran is to be one with love, but always righteous, always foolish. Not encompassing the human qualities of hatred or anger, all qualities are equal, all are needed, all of them in balance is what makes us human.
We created the gods, not them us. They live from our worship it gives them strength and power. Why else would they consistently meddle in our affairs...
I knelt in the open before a full moon and renounced my god, I laughed at the irony as I passed ethereal, seeing an Angel of Toran....here to smite me down...HA! That is nothing but amusing and would be a fitting piece of irony.....I believe my actions brought it to this world....it is amusing that I managed through my actions to cause their intervention....perhaps they are afraid of me and what I may do. I will I hope give them reason to fear me.
I finish this entry with a short poem I composed for the event:
No use in praying, no one is listening,
We die anyways,
Some say I should be full of guilty, that I run with devils,
Now my blood must be spill,
Sentenced for a crime I have yet to commit,
Nation of gods, no way!
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I am at a crossroad, all I worked for to get into the black mages offered to me, advancement in the church...the love of a lady.
The world has given me a choice, good or evil.....or nothing. I don't know what to do, I must think more....the ramifications are huge.
//I will do something re: the plot once real life thins out a little, currently i'm just online chatting usually and doing work on my other pc. But I will take action soon (mixafix).