The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Aerimor on March 13, 2008, 03:46:21 PM
-
Character: Aerimor Lightbringer
Age: 115
Gender: Male
Class: Druid
Race: Sun Elf
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Deity: Multiple (Aeridin)
Appearance:
Aerimor is a very small, short elf. His demeanor is silent and appraising. His hair and clothing is worn. His black hair is wild and his green eye intense. Aerimor walks with a limp.
History:
FindarA?to Lightbringer was old in years. His studies of Wizardry never allowed for much else. He took a young wife Nessa and moved to the hamlet of Whorilian off the Northern trade route in Ulam Forrest.
They tried to have a child for several years. FindarA?to retreated to his labs and made potions. None of them worked. Frustrated, FindarA?to approached the Wood Elves, a druid, Master Willowwood, gave him a tea to drink. A year later Verideth, my younger twin, and I were born. The other Sun Elves joked with him that the druid gave him some sap from the Great Oak itself. My brother and I were of slight build, but possessed minds as sharp as that of our father.
As the oldest, I was always promised to return to the Master Willowwood and study the ways of nature and earth. And my brother was to follow after our father's wizardly ways. While my brother and I saw each other every eve, our days were much different. I was wandering the forests, and learning about nature while my brother spent his days locked up in study with out father. Verideth always spoke about how boring his studies were, whilst I described all the new sights and adventures I had.
One such adventure when we were still young: While I was off in the woods, I came upon a panther trapped under a fallen tree. I shifted the tree to release the panther. The panther lashing out in pain and confusion mauled my left hip. But even through the pain I remember marveling at the speed and beauty of the panther's movements. While my hip never healed correctly and accounts for my limp, I was determined that I would help that marvelous creature. So after tending my hip as well as he could I tracked the panther, which was not too difficult. The panther obviously had a broken bone in its rear leg. So I did what I could, catching rabbits and leaving them out for the panther. After a few days of this the panther, Kalesh, allowed me approach. Kalesh even allowed me to tend his wound, which was not as bad as I feared. The leg was not broken; it had a piece of branch piercing all the way through the thigh. Kalesh by this point was tired and worn; he seemed to tell me it was alright to pull it out. I removed the branch and Kalesh only whimpered. Kalesh then placed his head in my lap and passed out. I bandaged Kalesh's leg while he slept and when he awoke he seemed in much better condition. He looked up at me and nudged into me, as if to thank me. From that moment on Kalesh and I were friends. He was grateful to me and I was now forevermore in love with the beauty and sleekness of the panther, of animals... If only I could move like that. I spent many nights dreaming of moving with such power and grace, or flying as a bird. As time went by and I came to know the extent of the damage done to my hip, I spent more and more time fantasying of becoming an animal.
When the time came to start our official training, I left to study under the druid that in his own way helped conceive me. My brother went to test for his training as a mage. I saw little of my brother for the next two years. But on one occasion he told me of his trip to the tower of earth and his foray into the woods. He seemed to have a natural calling to the wild while I just had a natural love for it. In looking back, I guess I spoke of it to Master Willowwood. For latter on, I learned that my master went to speak on he behalf of Verideth with my father. Anyway I learned what I could from my master, but apparently I was advancing much slower that he hoped. He always got a good laugh from my exploits. Like when I confused a fungus with rather itchy spores for one with a healing property. And for as much as I loved animals, apparently I did not even know how to approach those correctly. Master said I needed to loosen up for I always seemed to put the animals on edge. Except for Kalesh, that is, he was my anchor through it all. Apparently teaching me the ways of the Druid was like pulling and elk through a gopher hole. But with that all said, he said he had made druids out of less.
After two years passed I came to find out that through some real magic, father was having another child and Verideth was coming to train with me. Someday I must get the entirety of that miracle. My younger sister Elenna was born and my mother and father were thrilled. I never have got to know my sister well, but she seems happy and the rest of the family thinks of her as their miracle. Once Verideth arrived training went much differently. I was left to be on my own again for many of the days and my brother and I trained with the master each evening. Before another year was out, Verideth had already surpassed most of my druidic training. It seemed that he was a natural. Thank the gods for Kalesh, my constant companion. I have no jealousy in my heart for Verideth, but did he have to make it all look so easy? I spent my time doing what I did have a calling for. I learned to mimic the movements of Kalesh as best as I could. Using the forest to cover my movements and quiet my steps. While the animals had no worries of me sneaking up on them yet. My limited skills did prove to be more than a match for Verideth's dreamy gazes. I amused myself greatly on appearing suddenly in my brother's presence without warning. In a small way, I guess it was a small payback for him being so good at everything else.
The next dozen years flew by and our official training was complete. Verideth completed training with as high of praise as any before him and I was pronounced adequate and well set on the road to druidic mediocrity.
So Verideth and I returned to our father's home. A year of peace and happiness passed.
Then something happened. The Darkness came to an end. Many people stirred. Attitudes changed. Talked was heard of what was happening in other lands. Change did not come often to my people. The Wood Elves may shrug and continue on there way but Sun Elves do not change. I was amazed by what I saw. The next few years were chaotic, not something many were use too.
Riders came into hamlet of Whorilian. Hushed and angry tones were used. Political debate raged. Verideth approached our Father and asked permission to leave Voltrex, father was stunned. Somehow Father agreed to allow Verideth to leave after much debate. That night my father came to me and asked me to go with Verideth and keep him safe. Father always thought Verideth too prone to fancy and knew I would keep him lashed to practicality if not reality. I told my Father I needed the night to think it over. The next morning I decided that a change would be good; I was young yet and had the time to do a little wandering. The day after Verideth, Kalesh and I went to the Wood Elves and sought out Willowwood. We all talked about what was happening and said our good-byes. We three then set out for Sadinia and booked passage on one of the few boats departing.
We arrived on Serinty Bay in Tilmar and I was not ready for what I experienced. It was to dirty and artificial. What the people did, how they lived. They were dirty, smelly, slow witted and clumsy. In the land of elves, I was no longer... sigh... We immediately took the next boat out and arrived upon the land of Mistone, near Fort Vehl. And this is where the rest of the story begins:
-
The first few days in Fort Vahl have been ...interesting. This place is just how I pictured most of the other races living, at least the "advanced" ones. Why my brother wanted to come here, I'll never know. But with that aside, I have met or seen a few other adventurer types around the town and area. Three of five were elves, not sure why they are here, but they are a refreshing sight. Maybe this place is not as bad as I feared, or maybe its worse? In any case those souls seem to have not fallen into moral degredation I thought might come from living in such a place as Fort Vahl. So maybe my brother and I can just make it through here without becomming what we are surrounded by.
Onto other thoughts, there is a crypt right outside the walls of the fort. And in this crypt is a mess of undead walking around, hordes of them. My brother and I have been working at clearing it out, we even cleared out the first level. But after returning to town to resupply and reentering the crypt, the first level was repopulated by undead again. This time even more of them, like some evil intelligence sent more guards to the top level to protect his domain. The cryptkeeper speaks of a mummy of some sort at the lowest levels. I wonder if this is the intelligence or the muscle of the true intelligence. Well as my brother and I can not tollerant undead that we can do something about, we will try to keep reducing the undead numbers in the comming days and then when we feel the time is right, make a quick strike to the heart of the crypt and hopefully end the true threat.
Ver and I have also explored some of the surrounding countryside. Cotton grows free close by, but the area is often patrolled by dwarven and human mercs. none too friendly I must say. I am thinking of learning to tailor, but not sure where to start. I will ask around as soon as I find someone palatable to ask. While the shopkeeps in town are civil enough, I am just not comfortable talking with them, well except that nice chap that sells bows and arrows.
On personal reflection, Ver and my practice of the Druidic arts is becomming more intuned and powerful. Ver is always casting all the differant spells he can. I however find myself limited to summoning animals and cure wounds. I think I could handle the other spells fine, I just really don't care for them. I would skip the healing spells too, if they wer enot so vital in this area. But without doubt the best use of my magic is summoning hogs or wolves to help us. I just can not get enough of watching the wolves in a fight. They are not as graceful as Kalesh, but there quickness and power are a lethal combination. I am writing notes on how they strike and move, I hope to someday incorporate their movment into my own. So far I have canine and feline movements. I will have to look for other creatures to study in more depth now that I have begun noting and diagraming creature actions. I am thinking a snake or bear would make the next study. I must keep practicing my spells, I wonder what else I can call with more study?
Well thse are my thoughts for now, I must rest again. On that note, all of my dreams have been the same since arriving. In my dreams I am an animal, some times a panther, others a bear, wolf or bird. It is weird though, for I am the animal, not just seeing through their eyes of following them from a removed perspective. O well, Master Willowwood said to relish these dreams and to go with them, so push them farther and farther. And that I would soon have an experience that eh ws sure I'd find most agreeable. I pressed for more information but he said it ws uneeded and that it would reveal itself when the time was right. That is the way he taught, most of the time I found the freedom to be the perfect forum for me to learn. But then again all of his "look inside" and "listen to what your surrounding are telling you" could raise my hackles.
I still wonder if the Druidic calling is one I shoudl of answered. Master Willow always said he saw a portent that I should indeed be set on the path of a Druid, for now. What the heck he meant by "for now", I am not sure if I will ever know. Did he see limits for me? Or something else entirely? Of course Mr. Fabulous (Ver) has perfect faith, ability and confidence in his path as a Druid. Are my doubts from watching his effortless success, or are they truely my own doubts?
Well I wrote more than intended and need my rest, my head swims with all the new experiences.
-Aerimor
-
I have gotten a little better with my spells, still not my strong point. Discovered the city of Hempstead. Cleared out the sewers there. A lizard creature was casing the distress. My summoned dire wolves were more than a match for the lizard folk and Kalesh kept the rats at bay.
I found a kobold with a stick for the captain of the watch. That was a nasty batch of kobolds. It involved me running away and returning with a second dire wolf.
On to something more interesting, I bought a charter and have begun turning cotton into cloth. Some how I find it soothing. I think I will continue trying my hand at tailoring.
I have been cooking a lot of meat on camp fires, and I must admit they are bland. Maybe I'll ask around and figure out what other adventurer types do to spice it up.
Until later.
Aer
-
The last few days have been busy. I started fishing with some success. I learned to make meal from grains. And I helped my brother with a few quests and foraging for materials.
The real reason I write this night. I met a lovely lass named Drexia, even if I was be scolded when we met. (Running from a skunk, I do not feel like writting more here for for my own protection.) She helped me out some with the town, but mostly just be having someone to talk with.
Then things turned ugly, Ver was slain in Fort Vahl today by a Dwarf, Skullcracker something or the other (SkullCracker Headbang) and a goblin (Mongle-Or.) I got a good look at both, and will be able to recognise them on sight. Fort Vahl's justice system is non-exsistant. I can not abide such lawlessness. We will not be returning there again. Let the dragon raise it to the ground!
Later I saw Skullcracker near Hempstead trying to start another fight. He backed down like a bully this time as the pair he picked looked to be every bit his match. Aparently he only attacks when numbers are with him and the target looks an easy mark.
The lawlessness in this land is unbearable for me, I feel like running as fast and far as I can. *sigh* I am becomming homesick, and with no way to return, it will only get worse if I can not get a handle on it. I will have to devote more time to the things that take my mind of this land.
Tailoring, Kalesh, and making my notes on animal movements is all I currently have. Maybe there is a group for homesick elves? I found a few bears in the wild today. I commited their movement to memory and marked them down when I had time. So strong of movements. I can not wait to get more forms and comapre them all together. To see what they all share and then note all the differances. I am sure there is loads of information to tap with this project.
I learned of a few places NOT to go..the hard way. I hope my learning curve is short enough to not interfer with my livign curve.
Well I am tired and still upset by the lawlessness and Skull-goblin-kissing-head-dwarf-brain-orc-loving-cracker, So I will write more when I am ready.
Aer
-
The greatest thing happened today. I learned to take the shape of a panther!! I feel I can change into a bear, boar, wolf or even a badger. This is the greatest thing ever. This must of been what Master Willowwood said was down my path. He said he knew I was along the right path even if the Druidic calling in whole was not the strongest in me. He said I would be pleased and find my path. This without a doubt is that path!!! I spent all day in and out of animal form. It is the most wonderful thing ever! Now I can't help but wonder what other forms can I take, the possibilties are endless! I must find some more knowledgable druids to ask about this. I will forsake my Druidic studies in whole for the time being, I know I must devote my energies to this new path. I will find out what else is possible. Let Verideth have the spells, I will gladly forgo them if I can turn into dire bears, spiders, owlbears?, griffins?, dragons! I will not be able to sleep tonight. I think Kalesh and I shall prowl the night as panthers. In fact, it is now dark, I'll write more later, when my hands return after a night of paw-padding.
-Aerimor (the animal shifter!)
-
The last few days hve been eventful. I met a few druids, namely Miss Katie. If that is her true name or form. She helped me with my thoughts on shifting to other forms. She says that the key is what is natural, and to remain with one foot always on the core of the great oak (balance.) She confirmed that the animals I can transform into are not the entirety of those previously asumed. She went onto to say that owlbears and griffons are too far outside the natural balance, but did not discount spiders or dire creatures. She went onto to say that she knows druids that can assume the shape of dragons!!!! Now we are in business. I will start devoting myself to such ends, but I believe the path is very long. She did also give me words of caution, saying that druids before have lost themselves forever into the animal forms they assume. I can see this as being a potential pitfall for myself. I intend to keep balance and thought more in focus when I shift. In anycae, even with the dark word of warning this is extremly good news.
On another front. Ver and I were being escorted by Elly (a Sunelf) to Hlint and stopped by her home on the way. There was a creature waiting on her doorstep for her. Though the creature appeared as an elf, I am not sure what it was. I doubt it was anything but an incarnation of evil. It is called Laura...The Laura. It apparently was a vampire??!!! previously. I did not know that affliction could be removed.... could one imagine the ability to turn on and off the power of the vampire form? O well unless you could remove the blood lust and inate evil, it woudl be pointless. Anyway this previous form of Laura, had some going ons with Elly when she was pregnant with twins and caused them both to be mis-carried. She knew Elly well, although Elly did not care much for her (obviously.) Elly husban was present as well, Kris-something, I was preoccupied. And another friend, Shif? Shifty? something arrived partly through the encounter. To sum it up, this creautre wanted Elly's involvment in something, and agreed to send a scout to scout the forces attacking hempstead. The Scout was a shade, no natural creature there. Ver, never able to keep himself in check, escalated the tension and through barb bakc and forth with Laura. When Elly and Laura where done speaking, Laura left...but not before turning Ver to stone before my eyes. Well, afraid I was already to slow to save my brother, I attempted to at least claim vengence. I knew in my heart I am no more than a fly to her, but my code of honor demanded my action. I let loose an arrow and it flew true. Alast it broke niether skin nor drew blood. Laure then cast a Bigby's hand something or other, I think dad called them, on me. And I was held fairly in place. Noble Kalesh, who never seems too far away rushed to my aid, but was also no more than an annoyance. Laura turned into something dark and flew away. The Bigby's expired, and much to my relief the flesh to stone expired shortly after. Even if he is too sensative and freely speaks his mind too often, Ver is my brother. I am glad he was not harmed. I just hope neither fo us capture Laura's eye again, I feel next time she will not be lieniant.
So much to do, and to consider.
-Aer
-
I have been enjoying the freedom and experiences offered by my animal shapes. Spending a fair amount of time in them. I have been gathering corn and selling it for gold to buy the necesities. I donated a sum of money to the natures caretaker in Hempstead, it is nice to see such a large and non-Elven city with at least some greenier in it.
My tailoring progresses. And I have made some sand paper for Ver. All in all, things are well.
Now onto my exciting news I found a portal in Castle Black..something to Voltrex's Great Library. It was nice to see even that much of home. It has done a good deal to help my aching heart. Use of the portal is restricted to just the Library, but at least there I can see others and the work of my kind. I was a good day, and ver and I will be visiting often, well at least I will.
`Aer
-
Over the last few weeks I have been trying to find spending a lot of time focused inward at the inner place, where the trigger to shifting into my animal forms is. I am trying to find if there are and where this other paths to other forms lay. So far without success, I get a brief sensation at times of another path just out of reach, but it is quite likly my exhaustion after spending so much time in in meditation. The good news is, I can find my animals forms quicker and more often, so the time is well spent.
I have explored much more of this land now, and believe I have visited each of its cities of any size. My brother keeps dragging me into caves. The problem with this is, the occupants (goblins, gnolls, worse) are not fond of sharing and then comes the killing and dying. Ver in particular has had a rough time fo it recently. But his soul remains well. I think his desire for the caves is the mineral deposits he keeps finding in them. He is using them for his own works and it seems caves are really the only place to find them. WE will just have to find empty caves or be more cautious.
I was asked by packmaster Freya in Krandor (sp?) to deliver a package to Mo in Hempstead. I can find no trace of such a person and when I ask her for more information she is too busy to be of use. She just expects it to be done.
I am starting to have some skill in tailoring and have recently located areas to gather silk from. I believe this silk will allow me much greater ability to make new things.
I have recently met a female wild elf in the fields aroudn Hempstead. Her name is Alatriel or Ella. She seems bright and true. While she does not talk much about herself or her past, she seems an honest one. As she was new to the area, I helped her out for a few days showing her the important locations. She has an eagle's eye with her bow and seems many times more proficient with it than I, with mine. I like her company as she is easy going and invited her along with Ver and I on a few of our explorations, like the caves. Got her killed with Verideth and she still wanted to explore with us. I think she just needs a friend or two and finds solace with her own kind. Be it Elves and not Wild Elves.
I finally met a couple humans that didn't have something up their arse. Caerwyn and a couple others whom I do not remember there names. I have been selling corn to the Merchant Riven also. Both Caerwyn and Riven have treated me with respect and seem decent folk for humans. I collected so much corn that Riven was pleading for a chance to pay me with items in place of coin alone. I looked over his wares and found a long and short oak bow, bronze scimitar and magic belt to my liking. So we bartered and I added some coin on the top to cover the differance. Of course the coin was what I got from selling him coin previously. Ver said he wanted to scimitar, i took the longbow. I put the belt into the bank as we are not able to make such a device function just yet. I had no real use for the shortbow, Verideth passed on it, and I saw no point for it to sit in the bank. So I gave it to Ella and told her to make good use of it. I feel much better knowing the bow is in capable elven hands then sitting in my bank vault. Heck who knows, she might even make a shot with that bow that downs one of my enemies before it downs me. Yes this may indeed pay for itself.
While doing all my meditations with my forms, I did also find a new insight, I can now summon dire bears to help me in battle (//gained level 7 druid.) I will make great use of this, maybe even keepign Ver alive in caves...or maybe not.
Ella and Ver just arrived, we are headed out to Hlint....and most likely some caves. Hope to write again.
`Aerimor
-
I have been adventuring much more recently. Mainly with Verideth and Ella. Ver is doing better at not trying to fight too many and too tough of monsters, so we are surviving now. Ella is putting that bow to good use, and is a pleasure to have around. Not too bad of company for a half-elf raised Wild Elf.
I went on an expedition to the giant mountians and fought many giants. It was I, Ella, Marcus (a cleric and quite competent) and Sil'via (a bard fighter and no slouch.) It was actually enjoyable with all the giant slaying and I felt useful to the party even though Marcus and Sil'via are obviously more experienced than I. Sil'via died, but Marcus was able to return her soul to her body. I hope to adventure with them again.
I also went into the red light caves again with a much bigger group and it was almost too easy. Guess that shows what having enough capable elves around you will do. The party was almost all elven adn ran smooth enough to credit our race. Ella was able to turn the overlords head into that dwarf in Fort Wayfair. She got a sizable reward. I will have to see if I can interest him in another.
Tailoring is going very slowly, maybe I'll just keep it as a hobby and by the armors and bags that I may someday fancy. On that note, I have met with the Angel's group? guild? and started an account there. They let you take items on credit and then pay them with collectable resources. This is too good to pass up! 2000 true credit per box of corn, ha I have been selling them for 1250 gold! What a deal. I ordered some armor, rings and a belt. Hopefully this will help keep my small group alive longer. And the debts is two thirds paid off already, not too bad. And it seems about half of the stuff I buy from them they will take at equal credit if I trade it in for better gear. They sure know how to run a business! That is order, society and guild's showing its true potential, surprised they can accomplish such in a human city.
Benjy Poetr is an arse! But I did make him grumble and pull his hood up, silly human.
Oh!!! Some damnable gnome came crying for help to the group I was with (somebody Keel, Ella, Caerwyn.) Speakign way too fast and claiming he needed help in or near Hlint. I said let him rot, why should I waste time on a gnome? If he can't take care of himself, hire those that can or let nature claim its fertalizer. But those soft heart humans, Keel and Caerwyn decided to help him, so I tagged along to hurry it up. The gnomes was completly annoying, I am not sure what language he was speaking but its sounded like a quickling on a sugar high. So I left to scout ahead...to get out of ear shot of the gnome. Half an hour later the group shows up in Fort Llast with Keel carrying the gnomes corpse. Turns out the gnome was attacked by three humans? Keel killed two of them and the third departed. Keel took the corpse to the Temple of Toran and asked for Marl to help the departed gnome. That stupid human, proceeded to make Keel tell him three time that the gnome asked for help then lagged behind on the journey to Hlint, was jumped and killed. That stupid judgmental Toranite the proceeded to act as judge and exicutioner and belittled us for letting the gnome that we didn't know die to unknown assailants when he lagged behind. Does this guy have a clue?! Like we care about a gnome! If the stupid gnome cheated to dumb humans and made them mad enough to send a hit squad out after him, how is that our problem? Oh I know because those bleedign heart humans decided to make it our problem. They should just adopt my rule about races that live underground. I suggested we plant his corpse under a tree or considering the size a bush and get along with life. Nature can survive just fine without another gnome, thank you very much. I left the temple and a dozen minutes later the rest of the crew came out grumbling about Marl, they really just are not too bright? They couldn't figure out Marl was a dead end after the second time he demonished us and asked us to start from the begining? I should of just went of too gather cotton and corn, but the rest of the group came out and suggested we take his corpse to the castle and see if someone there could at least pass his belongings to the next of kin. I figured what the heck and we started down the road. I saw a human dressed in black robed and a mask walking towards us. I hailed him as he approached. Keel all of a suden starts attacking the guy. I said what the heck is going on is this some human conflict I have no place in? And then that human exploded into action. WOW!!!!! he did nto move like any human or even elf that I have ever seen before. He closed the safety gap I left between us in a bat of an eye and slammed his elbow into my face, knee into my gut and then I heard a deep pop from inside me as my neck was broken. It all happened so fast I cant even say that it really hurt. The way that man moved, I will admit I am envious. He moved much more akin to an animal than a man. Efficiency in every little movement, and with more power than his size would of denoted. I at least have somethign new to ponder for this death. If I could incorporate those movements into my fighting styles! Especially when I am in animal form. It would be grace in motion. I will have to find out more about these fighting men, Monk I believe someone said. I just hope there are not all as aggressive or evil as this one. Anyway by the time I got back to my grave the party had regrouped and the Monk had left. Turns out that this was the third assailiant on the gnome, the one that 'got away'. Would of been nice if Keel would of said something before hand. Humans for you. Wish there was more to this story to add but al I have is a moral: let the lesser races sort out their own problems, no point wasting our energies on their petty problems.
I do think that that visit to the binding stone was worth it, just to see that man in motion, wow. And he was human, think what an elf could do with that style!
`Aerimor
-
I shouldn't print this here for bad luck, but I have not died in weeks. Verideth however died again today.
I have stopped my collecting of cotton and taken a break from tailoring. I paid off my debt to the Angels. And I have started trading leasons with Ella. She is teaching me Thieve's Cant and I am teaching her Animal Tounge. It is slow going, right now I am just teachign her mainly all the differant animal calls and sounds to form a vocabulary to work with. And I am learning some phrases and and key words in Cant. But the problem is the same motion can mean somethign differant. It is mostly dependant on the enviroment, who most recently entered and what other signs preceeded and followed it. It will take a lot of practice. But I think it could be invaluable on sneak missions or moments. Besides it is something new for me to focus on and work on. I like the challenge.
I hear the call of my animal forms more clearly and intensly now, and I can say I do apprecite it. I am working on finding my inner balance so I can try to find other branches of the tree of animals forms to slide into.
I have recently made trips into Red Light Caverns, and Krashin Kobold Caves where I had to suffice as a healer. At first I was uncomfortable with this. But now that it is done, I belive it was a good thing. It forced me to work on my druidic magics and keep my studies and growths in balance. Also noone died during my healing, so I must not be inept.
I would not admit it outloud, but there is a half-ogre I am not displeased to be around. Korvlok I believe is his name. Not bright, but for ogre blood then again maybe he is. In either case, he is an adept mage and seem to be out for the interest of the party foremost. Also partied with a dwarf today, Omicron, and he seemed easy going. He didnt make me want to kill him off the bat. He just had a problem of charging into battle and not keepign his shield up. I do not know what to think about these two exceptions to their races, so I prefer not to think about it. At least not now and not until I have some reason to.
Ella is becomming very adept at blending into her suroundings and she is talking about dancing with shadows. Says the rogues she has been talking to suggest she looks into this shadow dancing, that it would allow her to be more effective in a fight, whatever that means. I just know that she is hard enough to keep track of without the shadows swallowing her.
Must rest,
`Aerimor
-
Let me see what has happen since I wrote last? I went with a party to Dregar and fought giants. No surprise they hit hard. But it was fun. I will have to go back. I have been working on sneaking around in animal form. I can pick corn without fighting as long as the griffon is not present. Darn thing can see for a mile and attacks right off. I have been enjoying myself in boar and wolf form, especially when I helped a couple of new elves in town with seperate sewer trips. Nothing like crushing rat heads in your jaws and tusks. I even managed to disarm a trap with my tusks, far more talented than I thought!
I lost one of my two lion bags in a trash can. This is greatly upsetting, a trash can ate my bag before i could blink. I have official banned the use of trash cans for myself. I will have nothign more to do with their evil magics! Way too costly to ever chance repeating. That was the most expensive thing I owned.
I find spiders much easier to fight when they jump me for dinner. I can pass their webs and ignore their posions. Ths is very handy, leaves me to just deal with those teleporting spiders.
I made a deal with a man in town, I got a pair of stone boots for 3 boxes of aloe and a box of silk. This takes a little of the sting out of lossing my lion bag, just not enough of it yet.
I managed to tan some lion hides recently, its a tough process. But I am getting better at it. Just beware that trash can it stands right next to the curing tub....and I can not move it away!
The Angel's said they could not get enough corn, then the next I talk to them they said, please no more corn! They must not of realised how industerous I cna be when it comes to plants and wild life. They had to build a silo and asked for a ceasment of corn for the time being. I have been collecting aloe, silk and birch since.
O ya! a bronze dragon attack wayfare a little while back. Set the trees on fire and killed a lot of the populace. I was able to put out the trees fairly quickly. ella helped me for a while, until she found corpses of the children in the field. I tried to convince her and others to save the trees, they wer eon fire and activly dying. The corpses where just that corpses, time was doign them no harm. Save the living first, deal or help the dead afterwards. It seems everyone is not as practical as I. And besides they were human children, they only had another 40-60 years of life to expect. Most of those trees had at least twice that long to live!
The dragon is said to have a magic poison in its blood that controls its actions. Some of the other adventurers claim to be able to get a cure and set off to gather it. I wish them success, its a heart break to see a noble beast suffer being anothers puppet.
I have been learning a bit more of the can't language form Ella. Not enough to carry on a conversation or anything. But I can make fun at Verideth with him in the room and he has no idea. Sometimes its the small things in life...like picking on your little brother.
Kalesh has become quite deadly when attacking from surprise. he has saved my bacon a few times now. I love that black beast. I specifically enjoy when I take panther or wolf form and we play chase or just fight side by side.
~Aer
-
Busy few weeks. I was in Mariner's Hold and met with a group of adventurers. We were beset upon by a smoldering gnome. How do gnomes manage to survive? Anyway he said he was playing in his master's tower near Thorn River and managed to animate slime and oozes and they were destroying the tower and escaping. As much as I wanted to leave him to reap what he sowed, I could not chance the slimes getting into the river and upsetting the natural balance. So off our merry band went. The tower was on fire, no surprise. And we came accross the first batch of slime to escape the tower...headed for the river...turns out it was worth going for that reason alone. The slimes were dispatched and the fires put out in the tower. During that process a hole was found in the tower floor..dropping into an underground cavern. Trails of slime were found on the edges of the hole...so down we went. I knew that the slimes could get into the river as easily from below the ground level as above it. Things got very hetic and nasty after this, the central mass of slimes attacked and nearly consumed most of the party. My magics saved a couple from sure death, my only real contribution to the fighting it seems. I did not think it prudent to fight slime with the paws of my animal forms...if only I had a more resilant form from which to fight.... I hear rumors of elemental forms as well as that of the dragon of course. I just must keep seeking that inner balance, persistancy will prevail. After we recouped and rested, we finished our task, by locating a 'mother' slime and destroying it. The things was immune to most everything, but in the end, the magics of our arcane casters were able to destroy it.
I find this thought rattling around in my head, if there ever comes an end of days, I think it shant come by dragon fire, or even men's wars. I think it shall come by some gnome's blunder while trying to create something benige.
A week later I joined with a group of seasoned adventurers, all the names of the land of Mistone. We visited a priestess of Ilarne and were bequested to retrieve a lost goblet of thought. The others knew our course and after much talk by the priestess why beset upon it. We cut through a cave of giants on Dregar and found a pool protected by a creature of water. I dare not say it was an elemental. She/it was a guarien to the door we sought, and after some discourse and much in-fighting we gained entry. The party from this point turned on itself. Linda seemed to be the catalyst of the trouble and a few voiced their contempt for her. None ventured to turn back, insteed we strood on, fighting guardian spirits and each other. Granted we fought out selves not with blade, but the disharmony did as much damage as any one blade would of done. It seems that a great many of the names of legend get their status by being blind, loud fools. There of course has rational thought an unity by the slight majority of the party, but the cancerous part was too large to allow us to operate with effect. After torturous hours way fought our way to the main room of the guardian caves and fought a unkilliable water spirit (unkillable to our abilties.) WE lost a few more to disharmony and then managed to wreck the spirits pwoer source at least temporarily. This gave us time to be challenge by the riddle of the rooms staute. A female holding two goblets. It had a riddle about those who seek find only death, those that do not seek find truth. I spent very little time riddlign this out. As this was not my quest and I already found the truth I was after. That is what makes the great names great. And sadly it is not their hearts. So once we found a portal out, I left and awaited those more set on the goal of the goblet. An hour of more passed and the remaining 'champions' left with their quest unfulfilled. I think this a fitting end for a group so bitter. Any fruit gained would of been tainted by our mere taking of it. I think I prefered the humble group of relative unkown adventures that saved Thorn river a hundred times over than that of the goblet party. Their was no balance, no respect, no unity in the beast that was our party. Well if knowledge is a weapon, consider me formidable armed. I shant waste my time with adventurers with names again, unless than can show more than a strong arm.
I spent the rest of these couple weeks exploring Dregar with a crafty party. I shall not list them all, but we complimented each other and acted as one being. The giants feel to our scythe's, as well as that of twisted snake, dark treant and vampire. That land festers with unholy taint. I imagine the forests where once grand, but most now are mockeries of any forests I'd call home. But with all cycles, given enough time and care, it could be reclaimed and set whole again. Such is the way of balance.
Aerimor
-
Been a while since I made last entry, so here is an attempt. I wish I could say I was just too busy to write, but truth is I have just been occupied. No great quests, no grand adventures, no big hardships. I have just been in the motions of the day to day. I continue the facade of my normal, gather items, learning the can't from Alatriel and speaking with others. I even went to dragon isle's for the first time-lots of minotaurs.
But I can not seem to focus, I have this...buzzing in my head. Its just inside or outside of my range of 'hearing' depending on what I am doing. I think its something inside me trying to get my full attention, some part of me trying to get free...but I can not quite understand what it is saying. I feel its just one step out of reach....if I can just push my inner balance or warrior's focus one degree further, I will understand it. And I know that I want to hear what it is saying, that it is a deeper me trying to help. It seems I can 'hear' it best when I do not concentrate on it, or better yet, when I run free in my animal forms. It's so tatalizingly close, but out of reach all the same.
I would write more, or on other topics, but I have no mind for it now. I will go for a run on four and see what that will bring. Solace if not understanding I pray.
`Aerimor.
-
I have been called by the trees to be tested. It seems that i am as dense as granite when speaking in the metaphorical. But I have been given a chance to learn of the path of the spiritwalker. I am to undergo a trail to see if the path suits me and to see if I have strength enough to walk it. I was given a potion that will alter my physical form every few days or so. Each of these forms will have there own inherent personailties and urges. I am to assume these forms and see if I am strong enough to remain in control of the urges. If I am and if I feel the path is mine to follow, I will be granted entry onto the of the path of the spiritwalker.
Ver was with me when I was called, and through his own volition has been tied into my trial. He is to be my companion and to help keep me on path.
The form I found myself in first was that of a dragon whelp. I can not even begin to describe the feeling! The ability to fly alone is beyond compare. And the heightened senses of even a young dragon is mystifying. But already I do hear the voice of the dragon speaking to me. Its my constant companion. Telling me to hoard treasure, make a den, claim a territory and patrol it. And the hunger, I found the satisfaction of hunting birds and small creatures truely thrilling. I almost got swept away in the lust for it. It is all so new, exhilerating and intoxicating. I hope for my sake as I spend more time in any alternate form, it will become easier to recognise tells of trouble and have tricks of my own to help keep in control. Time will tell. For now I can only say I have kept the urges to just that, but they are ever present. I now go to reverie for the first time as a whelp, and hope that my control does not break.
`Aerimor
-
I survied my rest and awoke still as the whelp. I patrolled my territory and found Kalesh. I had a bit of a tiem getting him to trust it was me but his sense were able to find whatever it is that allows him to tell me. We hunted a deer and feasted. Afterwards we played and patrolled some more.
Ella arrived for a visit, and brought me a potion to add to my hoard. Yes i have a compulsion to collect items fo value, it helps please the voices. After talking for a while, she returned to town to refills her and my canteens.
She returned after a whiel again, with Ms Dawnstar. We talked a bit and then Ms Dawnstar asked if we wanted to see a secret fo hers. She was to cast some spell, but had troubles brining it to mind and performing it. I found the impulses of the dragon raging to know the secret (20 will check but Hanna was being a tease with the secret.) And I became a bit testy when she was unable to share her secret. I guess I was rude and possibly causing them some apprehention. They said quick good byes and went to leave. There abrupt change shocked me into full awarness again and I asserted control again (30 will check.) After a heartful apology to each, we talked a bit more. And then Ms Dawnstar shared her secret, she cast a shapechange spell and took the form of a red dragon! I am very impressed, and only slightly left lackluster. She says there is no impulses sharing her form, but that she also is unable to breath fire. She also says the form while physically greater than her own is far weaker than a real dragon of that age. After talking a bit more she left to her home and Ella left to to her training.
I may be wrong, but I think I have come to terms with this dragon whelp form and understand its urges and how to keep them in check. I guess I also have Ella and Ms Dawnstar's visit to thank for it. I didn't realise how far the dragon's urges to hoard and know secrets had crept into my own actions. But after being so rude to friends, I was forced to see them in action. I am hopeful that I will recognise them when they start to rise up in me again.
`Aerimor
-
After a couple days in the form of the whelp, I awoke in the form of a human. A female one at that. I was visited by my brother and found his standard male perception able to accept I could wear the skin of a drow but not a female. To be fair, I did not consider it as a likely myself, but was more than willing to go with it. I found Ver was not able to handle this skin very well and left after making sure I was okay. I was then visited by Ella and we went into town. I assumed the name of Sorshia for ease sake, and passed for female to the eye. Ella let Ms Dawnstar in on the secret and we chatted for a while. I can say I did not see what was differant about being human or female...I mean my hands were even the same size. (Rolled will checks of 18 and natural 20) Ella told me that if I remained in the form for a month, then I had room to talk.
After a while, we left to Folian's Vale, and had some more conversation. That was the only time I felt the feeling of the form over my own. (17 will check or so.) But the differances were so very subtle, as I guess they should be. I guess the only way I can put it without sounding so male righteous or ego driven is that I just was willing to hear more of my feeling at a conscious level. Normally I/we make my/our desicions frequently as a gut reaction and then sort out my feelings on the details. This time I was a little more open to the details as I made my desicions. I acredit this to the female essence of the form. I can not see that being intrinsically human. And on that subject. The worse part of the whole experience is that my rounded topped ears, that were not even covered by a decent hair cut, felt soo odd. I know in light of the entriety of the form this shouldn't of even been a thought...but it is what it is.
`Aerimor/Sorshia
PS: I forgot to mention another odd experience. I attempt to enter Reverie and was unable to. I trie dfor a long time and then I found myself waking up from the failed attempt. I had been asleep and that is not all I had visions of flying on dragon wings still in my head. But this is something I have never expereinced before..obviously. I think it was a dream. Are not the lesser races having dreams? It was not as clear as our reverie and when I awoke I found it hard to hold onto any real details, but with that said...it was pleasant. If I find mysel fin such a form again, I will attempt to ..dream again.
-
My latest potion induced challenge was that of wearing the skin of a dark elf. I have no love for this skin, the urges and whisper of it are vile. This form lives for chaos and for blood. Ella ws there when I changed, the change is always difficult. I guess I scared her, I do not even remember what I did or said, but she left before I could sort things out in my head. I was afraid to give much room with this skin and thusly spent most fo my time alone and meditating. Even as such, I could feel the urges to go, out ...and cause havok, to make my presence felt.
A day or so later I was visited by Ella and Ver. Ver's contempt for my skin was obvious and made things more dificult. We got into a heated argument for a few moment. I think most fo it war of my own feeling, but I am sure the skins urges were pushing me along. IT felt good to clear the air when we did. I was then pushing Ver on his...our ingrained believes of Sun Elves only marrying sun Elves. I do not know if I believe it anymore. But I am a little preoccupied with keep a tight leash on this skin to explore in depth at the moment. I will just say, when I have time, I think I need to look at some of the traditions ingrained into me and choose for myself if they are fitting or not. The conversation turned to wether humans and elves should ever marry, I think NOT!! And the next thing I remember was wanting to go hunt some humans and take a look as their hearts....to see what makes them different. I was gearing up and moving out before Ella and Ver even knew what happened. This part is not easy for me to write, but they had to appeal to me and with great persuasivness to have me listen to them, for me to look again for my own morale compass. I know that if a human had been handy at that moment, I would of lost my way. Through their calmness and caring....and no humans in the area, I was finally able to regain my perspective and shut the skins urges again to the back of my mind.
I do not care for this form yet. I think if I were to wear it, for any reason, I will have to become more resolute in my control of wearing skins. In short, I am not comfortable enough yet to try to wear the dark elf skin except as part of this test.
I am for the first time, truely concerned with what forms may next come.
`Aerimor
-
A few more days have passed and I remain a dark elf. I do no tknow the reason for this skin to last longer than the other. If I am to learn a lesson or the like before the magic of the potion changes me, I am slow to come by it.
As such I will just update my journal. I had the dark elf locked away without a single urge making its way to my top most thoughts. And then I took a short rest and awoke thinking of spilling blood. Poor Ella was just commign for a visit. I do not know if I was going to attack her or not, but I guess she saw the look on my face and took to the shadows. I guess her training with Nighteyes is paying dividends. Keeping the skins in check is always hardest for me right after reverie or making the change. I was able to get my control back on the skin before I caused any real trouble. But ... I just don't know if I was goign to hurt her or not. But i know it was a possibility. I do not have any love of this form...to state the obvious.
A couple days later with me feelign once again in charge of myself and twice as on guard Ella and I made a delivery to Riven in the Twin Dragon Inn. I still do not know if Dark Elves are allowed to travel through that town...i though tit not best to ask the guards and never saw anyone other than Riven. Either the voices where quite or I had my will in full effect, becuase I never had one stray thought while on the run. I told Riven I am out of the gathering business, at least for the time being.
Ella seems decided on breaking up with Brian...all to the better. Its been in her heart and actions for months now. I hope they have there face to face soon...for everyone's sake. And Razeriem keep ssending money to Ella, it appears he is a successful gambler. But Ella warns me its having a detrimental effect, I will take her word as I am in no condition to go find him myself.
`Aerimor
-
My latest skin in that of a kobold. Either I am becoming a lot better at this quickly or this forms will or personality is weak and thusly easy to dominate. //Will checks of 17,18,19,20,20. In any case I remain on gaurd for any treachery, as it is a kobold. What ever the reason, it is a refreshing change after the dark elf. I am unable to use my long bow in this form, not that thats any big deal at the moment. And this skin is scaled and weak, but its does seem almost naturally prone to the shadows. It is also easily overlooked. In short if its continued weak will persists and I could take this skin at will, I could find uses for it. As for the Dark Elf form I would not dare put it to use until I found a way to lock off or control its base nature.
Ella finally had her talk with Brian. The two have parted ways. Hopefully I will be able to be a friend when she needs one, but that is far from uncertain until after this trail is through. I wonder where Ver got off to? He is due for a visit, I hope everything is fien with him.
`Aerimor
-
Another few days spent in the skin of a kobold. I am now very comfortable in this form. It a breath of fresh air after the Dark Elf. I appreciate the ease with which it is controlled and the dark whispers ignored. (Will saves of 17,18,18,19 and 20!!!! after the first days average of over 18.) I have to assume another change will be comming soon. This skin is not causing any troubles. I remain firm on my dedication of vigilance however. With only little over a week to go, I have no desire to fail due to overconfidence. I will take a long rest once the trial is over, for good or ill. That will be a nice change of pace. Not having to worry about whispers visting me in the reveries.
I saw Ella again. She seems well and is focusing on her training.
I have yet to see Ver in a week or more now. I wonder where he has gotten off to?
I have made it a multi-daily habit of meditating and focusing my will to help keep watch and control on the skin's inner urges. I find this practice suits me very well. I will keep this routine even if there is no need for it associated with the outcome of this trial. I find it a very good way to focus my energies, plans and thoughts. Its like a waking reverie that focuses on the future and present. I think I could use it to become more aware of my inner thoughts, the calls of nature about me, and focusing on my combat. I have heard stories before of those that can acheive such a state in combat, acting through the chaos of battle with clarity of thought and action. I think this discipline would mean the world to me. I will keep at it, I may even seek tutoring by a more accomplished soul at meditating and maintaing discipline.
*** Journalist's note-Ask Ms. Dawnstar if she has any names for those that would be willing and capable of teaching me to increase the focus and depth of my mediatations.
I do not find myself fearful of the remaining forms to come during the end of this trial. For I can now see the end in sight. I just have to continue my diligence. If it is enough, then it will be. At least I know I have enough will to see it through its time requirments. The state of my finish of course remains in the air.
With replenished heart and focused will.
`Aerimor Lightbringer.
-
*penned in a differant script than normal and then appears to be crossed out later*
How dare the old crone do this to me. Make me an outcast?! I will show her, I will suck her eyes..... *the scrawl abruptly stops*
*Aerimor's normal penmanship resumes*
I do not remember writting the above. And its not in my scrawl, but i have no doubt I penned it. This skin is a protent and dangerous foe. Much quicker and stronger than the kobold. I will be strained it seems to keep this one in check for the remainder of the trail. I hope noone comes to visit! I have reason to believe I took out this skins frustrations on those few unfortunate victims I could find...the animals of silk wood. This is unacceptable... I go to meditate and challenge this skin's spirit for control.
~Aerimor
//Noone outside a town at all tonight that I could find and thus noone to RP with. I decided to reflect the worriesvin my journal in place of interaction with non-exsistant people online. Will checks of 1,4, and 17.
-
I am not sure if the trial is now officially over, or officially begun. It appears I am very dense when it coms to speaking metaphorical symbols and solving puzzles continaing them. What I did learn from my final test is that it is good to have friends. Thank you Ella. And that I need to remember to keep my heart open to the nature of which I serve. I need to not take everythign on me myself. While it is my life and thus my trials, nature is part of that, and me. I must remember to not get so caught up in myself that I loose perspective. I am worn from the ordeal, but things will soon be back to regularity, whatever that ends up being. First I need to see if tere is anything that I missed of note, and then if there is anything I cna do to help Ver or Ella along.
~Aerimor
-
I feel great, like a weight has been lifted from me. I feel I have direction again and a path to follow. I have been reinvigorated. I made a trip to Storan's crypt with a party and laid some undead to rest. Went to red caves and spilt some goblin blood. Gave a mum to Ms Dawnstar for being a mom. Went to Ella's thinking place with her and taught her a few basic dances. She did not grow up as an elf per se and I think it will help her find her balance, pun intended. And then I studied more of the Can't from her. We had both been so busy that our lessons were at temporary stand still. But no longer. Kalesh and I went out for a run and played together. Went to Krashin for something to do and ran through battle in my panther form with Kalesh at my side. All in all, life is good again. I feel I have found my missing balance. I was so turned in knots trying to find a direction, i was out of touch with the day to day. But everything is brighter now that the trial is over and I have direction again.
~Aerimor
-
Yes, I do say I am complete for the first time in a long time. I feel the missing balance in my life. The leaves are greener, the birds chirp sweeter. It is like a dampner has been removed from my eyes and my soul. I do not know what lies ahead for me on the path of the skinwalker, but the soulsearching I had to do while preparing has paid off many times over.
Kalesh and I are closer than ever before, I can understand and feel his thoughts and concerns, before it was differant. Now its like we broadcast our emotions to each other.
I feel like I have a place for me in the world, not just that I was attempting to make one.
I can even say Alatriel and my bond of friendship has strengthed. Heck even Verideth is not as trying. He too seems to be making peace with his life in Mistone. I see he is opening up to Lasheriel, even though she is not of the true people. I am afraid to look to deep, else the upbringing of my kind may spoil the pleasure. But for now, I say bless them both. She is an elf, that should be enough?
I favor my panther form more than any other at current. Its like an old friend in itself, but everything it brighter and hapier.
As for my new companion, the form of the dragonwhelp. I think I have finally come to terms on how to work with it. The one thing my trial taught me was that these forms of a skinwalker have there own personalities and own darknesses of spirit. I also learned that it is very difficult to keep the stronger personalities in check, let alone for long periods of time. What I have been experimenting with, and successfully, is to let one thread of the form's personality leak through. This seems to allow the form a way to chanel its personality without too much of it seeping through. It also channels all of its spirit and personality into one point. This makes it tremendously easier for me to be on my guard for influences from the form. If I only have to keep aware of one emotion, the control is infinitely easier. For instance the part of the dragon whelp form I have decided to allow to seep through is greed. One can define a dragon in many ways, but the inate greed of the colored dragons is strong. I find the form is sated if I allow the emotion of greed to seep through. The form is appeased and I have no difficulty keeping the rest of the personality in check. And I still can control it on matters of greed, but this is the only area where it presents any influence. I think this may well work, I will have to continue to try it as I bulid my power to take on the more powerful forms, the ones with more sinister hearts and stronger wills.
All in all this have been a very enlightening and wonderful couple months. I know peace that I have not felt since being a very young boy. Well that is not entirely true, when I first met Kalesh.
It is with happiness and balance in my heart that I conlude this entry.
~Aerimor
-
Wow not much has happened and yet the world has moved. I am still happy and feel the balance inside like never before.
Ella has stated that she has an interest in me but does not wish to rush anything. I also find her very attractive, but will not risk the friendship. So as things are there is just some coy flirting. That pleases me for now. I will need to sort out some issues before any relationship with a non sun elf could go anywhere. I was raised to and am expected to marry a Sun Elf. Just part of the culture of course. Having my family's approval means a lot to me. But at what cost? I do not think I was, or at least i like to pretend I was never as racist as my people. And since coming to Mistone, and starting this path as a skinwalker, I know I am not as judgmental based on skin. However I also know I am still racist and I still hate Dark Elves, Driders, and the monsterous races. I still strongly dislike gnomes and dwarves. Nothing I am able to do about any of it at current except to try to keep an open mind and take what knowledge is offered each day for what it is worth. Which brings me to the next earth shaker.
Verideth has decided to return to Voltrex. I curse him in part and wish him fortunes with the rest. He is unable to accept the multitude of races here, especially any dark elf. He is also less than pleased with the drudic presence on Mistone and wishes to return to a stronger counsel. Now on the part I cheer for him. He is taking the wood elf, Leshariel with him. They have been together for a long many weeks now and he clearly likes her. But he has kept her at distance, because of her race. He admitted to me that he loved her and then said he was going to take her home to meet father. There is no happy ending in that. I just hope to neither lose a brother nor father out of it. Most likely Father will disown him and Leshariel and he will move to another part of Voltrex and attempt to live happily ever after.
I wish Ver well for my own interests too. If there is some way Father can accept he desires and his feelings for a non Sun Elf. Maybe he could do the same for me, if my heart went for another. While Mistone has many races, there are painfully few Sun Elves. I must either return to Voltrex, turn celibate or embrace the possibilities of a non Sun Elf. I think my heart is willing to do the last, but my mind is yet resolute against it. So I keep living one day at a time and am hopeful the heart may wear away the minds resolve. As for returning to Voltrex, I can not yet. As I said I have found balance within myself and am as happy as I can ever remember. My days in Mistone are not yet through.
I will miss Verideth and do hope for his happiness and success. Even if his leaving was very rash and cowardly.
~Aerimor
-
It still has not settled in that Ver is no longer around. Think I am avoiding it on purpose and been side tracked by events.
Elohanna Dawnstar is being hunted by her church. From what I can piece together, she and Jaelle took a powerful Urn and the church wants it back. I have to assume it is in relation to Laura, maybe its a source of her power, or a source for more power. In any case Ms Elly is on the run and Ella found Elly's children left alone. Ella and I have been sitting the kids ever since, a few weeks now. The children are fine, but miss there mother. Nemo is shell shocked, but will be fine. When I was out gathering supplies a member of Elly's church came calling and found Ella alone with the children and demanded to know where Elly was. Lightseeker was very rude and demanding. I came home after his inquires had been going on for a while. I asked him to step out and spoke with him; he was not beyound reason. I told him I did not have any idea where Ms. Elly was and would tell Ms Elly that she should turn herself in.
A couple days later Shiff had his meeting on Laura. What a waste, he wanted everyone to do nothing. A lot of help that is. Lightseeker and a Toranite ..Anne where at the meeting and both got mad and left. I can't blame them. Brian and Shiff both wanted to reform Laura. Whatever, if she is a vampire, the best way to reform her is to return her to the balance.
A few days later word got back to me that Brian was planning to assassinate Lightseeker, I could not abide that. I went to the temple, found Lightseeker and let him in on the threat. I am sure this will come back to haunt me and Brian will find out. But it would not have helped Elly's cause, the children's situation and it is just cowardly and wrong. If he challenged him to a duel...I can rest my morales, but I can't knowing allow such a cowardly act on a man duing his lawful duty. Lightseeker was much mellower and calmer at this meeting, even towards Ella. Makes me think he was just trying high pressure tactics to get information. Sounds like a solid tactic.
Ella and I being forced into a house together playing parents for this many weeks has forced us to consider doing more than playing the part. I think it has now went from mostly flirting to to something with a potential future. This means trouble for me. Guess I will have to face my upbringing and see if I can be happy failing my culture, my line of pure blood and the possible line of the Lightbringer name. All for my possible happiness. I often know that we sun elves heap too much onto ourselves and restrict our ability to just do what is right for the sake of tradition. All the additional time has allowed many addtional lessons of the Cant. We have been using it to speak about Ms. Elly in frotn fo the kids without upsetting them. I admit I miss out lessons by the Haven lake.
Well I think its time to become my 'Kitty' self and chase the boys around the house. Since they do not get out as much as anyone would like, its the best exercise they get. And its a lot of fun.
`Aerimor
-
Things appear to be back to normal with Ms Dawnstar..thank goodness.
Things with Ella have gotten past friendship. If she was a Sun Elf, I'd have pushed for more of a relationship than friendship months ago. But as it stands I still wish to try for more. I am afraid of what my parents will say, and if they will disown me. But it is what it is. I am not being truthful with myself if I do not see what can become of it. I find her very attractive on every level other than that she is not a Sun Elf, from her sense or humor to her self-reliance, to her sparkling eyes and innocence. I plan to make a short trip home to my parents and at least let them know what is happening. I can also check up on Verideth. Who knows maybe they will surprise me and not straight off disown me? I am afraid if they do, that is the last straw for the traditions of my people. The core of it is so just and right. But the centuries of tradition and supremicist views have taken it off course. I always thought I believed as my people do becuase I was taught to. But the more I find answers within myself and view the world through other eyes, the more I find that for every good thing I was taught, there are five things that are nonsense.
I feel I am on the verge of a major change on how I look at things and people. Have i been too harsh on the other lesser racs of elves? Yes I think so. Have I been to hard on the other lesser races? At times, but I still think I have them with correct perspective.
On second issue I was in town, Hempstead the other day and a Noble? of the City made rude comments about Ella. So I mimicked Ella's actions and of course the Noble turned on me. She claims she is from Voltrex. If so it was long ago because she has lost view of her elven heritage and appreciation for life. She is a petty, mean old witch. We had a few verbale sparring rounds where she said I was a disgrace and I told her she was not an elf any longer and should look inside and find the truth of my statements. The Lady then called Trent over and accused me of trying to rob her and insulting her. I told Trent I'd go with him, that her accusation of theft was a bold faced lie and as far as the insults went, well the truth is the truth and she didnt like what I had to say. Trent walked me out of sight and told me to stay out of sight that the Lady was a viscious woman. A few minutes later Trent came back and told me that the 'charges' were dropped. The Lady then was obviously pressured into apologising to me. She came over reluctantly and told me in half terms she was sorry and offered to buy me off with coin. I told her it was nothing personal and that if she needed help finding the old ways and appreciating life I'd help.
That's the last I remember, I was talking to her, and she was speaking to me and then I was walking repeatedly into an alley corner. I think after reflection and conversation with Ella, who was close by, that the wench cast something on me, had something cast on my by some unknown mage or touched me with a magic item. With money any of those three options could of been true. But one way or the other she was responsible, even if it was a friend of hers acting on their own accord. I went to Trent, again. I told him that I thought a friend of the Lady's cast soemthing on me. He asked me if I had been drinking. And then when that failed said that I was making serious accusations about the Lady. Since I mentioned her friends and not her, I took that to mean, shut up and walk away. That if I pursued it without a lot more evidence and powerful allies he'd reluctantly toss me in jail or out of the city. So I was ready to leave when Ella started into him told him he was a lousy guard, that the city laws were ... I grabbed Ella and escorted her out of town before Trent was forced to take action. I will not say Trent is a good person by any stretch but I also do not belive him to be an evil one. He did give me answers even if he would not say anything broadfaced. This just goes to show how corrupt Human cities are, this is their pride and joy of a city and it's run and controlled out of the pockets of the nobles.
I have more to say, and I may write it later, but time is short.
~Aerimor
-
I am now returning from Voltrex and am worn and tired. The visit was not a great one but I guess went as well as could be expected. My parents spent a few days trying to talk me out of a relationship with a non Sun Elf. After they finally gave up on that, they decided to say I was very young and it was acceptable to have a physical relationship with a Wild Elf as long as I realise my duty and pick a suitable mate afterwards. I told them I had no intentions of entering into any relationship if I was not prepared for it to be a permenant one. I of course do not know that a relationship with Alatriel will be a successful one, that we will end up returning to just being friends, or that things will go sour. But I assured my parents I every intention of seeing this relationship to whatever path it followed. That was the final straw for my Father, he told me to leave, that when sense returned to my head, I knew where to find him. I could tell he was torn between his love of his son and his love and expectation of tradition. I think he will eventually come around and very grudingly accept this, but refuse to speak about it. I do not think I have spent my last visit under my parents roof. But only time will tell. I am glad to have the ordeal over. At least the unknown is not hanging over my head. Now when this ship arrives back in Mistone at least I will be able to see Ella and speak without reservation from my heart.
~Aerimor
-
Well to say Ella was glad for my return was an understatment. I think she was as fearful of the results with my parents and I was. It was obvious to us both that even though we spoke no words, that our relationship was obviously and enjoyably changed from that moment on. We may not know the course our relationship will now take, but the fear has been removed and we will enjoy the path on the way.
The next day was very enjoyable, we spent the day at the crossroads fishing and flirting. The night that followed was likewise enjoyable, enjoying the each others company as we spent the night under the stars. The following day things were much back to normal, gathering aloe and greenies. But each day is brighter for the company and companionship of an exciting and warm friend. And I look forward to each new day with a fervent enjoyment of life. I have never felt so in touch with the land around. I do not know if I would have been ready for this step with Ella if not for the test of the skinwalker. I am now doubly thankful and sure of this path. I have my renewed inner peace and conection with the force of life around me. I also now have love with a friend that I may a few months previously only turned a blind traditional eye of my people towards before.
The only thing remaining for me now is to find a way to put this zeal of life to work for the great oak. I will have to try to find a course when I am not pleasantly distracted.
~Aerimor
-
Sometimes it is ask and recieve. I was fortunate enough to meet the Heirphant last night. He is as I imagined, but he is also more. Rhizome is a character, and very worthy of the title he wears. Unlike kings and most rulers their is no pomp and circumstance with him, he speaks as an equal. His force of personality lends as much weight as any ruler I have ever met. I can not discribe that authority with which he speaks. It is obvious he has the wisdom of ages and yet remains in touch with those around him. I think the thing I appreciated the most about him was is obvious appeciation and enjoyment for life. A lady friend of his accompanied him, Muireann, and watching the two interact was a pleasure. It makes my heart smile, so very similiar to the feeling when Ella and I share our playful moments.
In any case, he asked what he could do for me, and when I made it known that I was a skinwalker he went a step further and told me if I ever had trouble on that paths to seek him out. That he has seen such struggles before and could help me along the challenges. I told him I was seeking an opportunity to do as my calling of a druid demands and serve the land and animals around me. He asked if I needed anything and asked why I did not just proceed. I explained that since I arrived in Mistone and contacted those druids that would speak I was told to simply tend the farm and nature, destroy abominations and await for further instructions and I reluctantly was doing so. Rhizome told me that that message was foolish and joked he hoped it was not from him. That I had the blessing of the Heirophant to identify the problems as I saw them and come up with a plan of action for them. He then told me that when I came up with a course of action that I could then call for him again and he would look it over. He said he would then see to it that I had the resources needed to follow them through. He also said that I should look towards the allies I already have. I will have to consider what allies I do have when I come up with a plan of action. I know Ella will be with me whatever I choose. And I am sure Elgon would lend aid. I think the rest may well depend on what is planned and at stake.
Before he departed he asked once again if there was anything I needed to start me on my way. I at first said no there was not, but I then thought of a mundane request. I had just that week bought a necklace of resistance and was coming to value its protective aura, but was unable to wear it with my symbol of the Great Oak. I knew there was a spell to infuse a mundane amulet with the power of a holy symbol. I knew there would be no better person to perform such a ritual than The Heriophant and I made it known. He seemed to not find it a foolish request at all and performed the ritual. When he was done I could feel the amulet had become a conduit to the life around me and would serve me well.
There is much more I would say, but most of it is hard to put into words. I am very glad for the well timed meeting. I now have had the restrictions placed on me removed and have been set into action by the Great Oak itself. I am excited about what the future brings on almost every front now. My greatest challenge now will be to remain in balance and to not neglect any of the facets of my life.
`Aerimor
-
Well will wonders never cease? Iradril is a damnable dark elf! Ella found out mostly through accident and told me later. As fate would have it, Ella and I ran into him in the crafters hall a couple days later, and we three had a long discussion. I cannot say I believe a thing he said for for now, I'll go with the relevant points. Iradril's statements and case is that is is unlike his kin. That he fights for good, that he can name allies such as Rhizome and a gold dragon. He claims to have fought in many battles for good including helping the great oak. He claims he never lied. He claims he is a legal occupant of Hempstead (like that means much as corrupt as they are) and he only hides his appearence for the sake fo others.
I contended that he is a liar. That in failing to tell Ella or me his truth, that he was indead lying by omission and purposeful deception. I told him I have walked as a dark elf and know their vile evil heart. I told him that he is a time bomb waiting to go off and hurt or destroy those around him and those things he claims he fights for. I told him I knew the battle with the dark elf heart and he was a danger to all. I told him we have a right to know him as a dark elf so we can decide if its worth the risk of associating him. Just a couple weeks ago a dark elf assassin killed my party for unknown reasons. For all anyone knows it was to get information about Iradril. In the end after a long exchange he admited I knew as much about the dark elf heart as he did, he never refuted being a danger to those he was around and those things he cares about. I told him I would not choose to associate with him. If I was forced to side with him for a short solid goal, I could for the greater good, but I would never spend one moment longer. I was too kind. I wished him a noble death in battle of those noble beliefs he professes he has before he ended up betraying them. I even went so far as to tell him I did not hate him for his situation or deception, that I only pitied his existance. He had no words of response, it is obvious he knows I speak truth of his condition: that one day sooner or later the heart he may have so valiantly fought against will win its day, and in that one moment of weakness, everything he ever accomplished will be undone. It is truly a sad thing...evil that knows it is evil and can do nothing about its nature.
This is of course is only if the whole thing is not a sham. I do not know why but I do believe parts of it. But I do believe it enough that if he asked for me to end his torture I would perform that coup de grace. If he is as he says all I can do is hope he takes my advice, finds a noble fight and goes down in a blaze of glory. He manages to come to such a noble end, I will do him an honor no dark elf ever deserved, I will give him an elven burial. Of course it will be on Mistone, I have nto lose all my senses.
I wonder if Ella sensed my weakness of resolve on dealing with Iradril? I hope not, I tried not to show compassion for such an abomination. But I must admit to myself, I did think fondly of him before I found out his true nature. This is a very sad thing, I just pray he does the noble thing and removes the threat he represents to everyone and everything he claims to care for.
The only other thing of note, besides that Ella and I have spent as much time together as any two fools in love, is a party into the red lights. Ella, myself, Ben and a few others quested to the bottom of red lights and removed yet another leader of the goblins. On the way back out we ran into another small party. One of the members a Tomi whatever started 'speaking' to Ben in the Cant. I was actually able to follow it to some degree of success. After the two parties split, I questioned Ella on wether I followed the main flow of the conversation. Ben overheard and freaked out as he is so prone to do in his old human years. He was outraged that I was able to understand his secret language. I think that was the great offense. But his voiced protest was that I would somehow magically betray the whole language to those that would destroy those who spoke it. Ella actually defended me before I had to. She told him that if he expected to be taught the Elven tongue, which she was already teaching him, that he would have no problem with me learning his secret cant. Ben in his usual manner ended with a flurry of complaints and conceded it was acceptable as long as I was careful and that I better be or members of the sect would gut me from navel to chin. That human just likes to worry and complain too much. I wonder how he was when he was young. He actually is most likely more mellow now, but his has his moment of blatant orneriness. In any case, Ella said I did correctly follow the meaning of the conversation even if I had a long way to go to perfecting it.
~Aer
-
I have not written in a while and lot has happened, but as most of it is minor I'll just hit the real three topics.
I went with a party of adventurers I met in Leringard to put down a insect menace. Some Elven lady has made concoctions to transform insects into monsters. Highly agressive, some as big as houses and all unatural. The strain it put on the woods near Leringard is tremendous. Very few animals were still seen in the woods, the rest in hiding or forced to move elsewhere. After fightning through waves of mosquitos, bettles, wasps, grubs, and centipedes we arrived deep in the woods near a river and found a house. As well as some house-sized electric beetles and half insect/ half humaniod creatures. The party had some difficulty crossing the river due to giant leeches. And when the party threw in large quantities of salt, which I would normally detest as well, and tried to cross in mass, the insect people attacked. Aeronn, Marcus and Aesthir fell in that battle but there were still eight of us to carry on and later carry them back. That gods-cursed dwarf Bruener kicked in the front door of the house first thing, which was trapped and everyone was sent flying or worse. He survived it unfortunately. Caerwyn found a box of vials: the source of the transmutation I'd bet. Timulty took them later to have them identified and destroyed. I will have to check up on that. The one other thing of use on the door was a note form the bug lady saying she was out in Leringard picking up supplies. We located her in the merchant district, where she was expecting us. She is not very worldly for the record, she let Timulty talk circles around her. Anyway, came to the end and she decided she'd rather not be killed or turned over to the law and left. Of course she had some giant ants cover her departure. So what is the real fallout? We set the balance more or less back to normal in the woods, ran her out of the area, destroyed months of work and let her get free to do it all over again! This really upset me, made me angry. That night when I went into reverie to relive the event and see what could of been differant, I felt a diferant branch of the skin walking tree open to me.
It seems that my high level of anger was actually a good conduit to a few forms. I can now shift into Gargoyle, Harpy and Minotaur. And those thread of their personalities I wrote of before that helps me maintain reigns on the evil force of the form. Gargoyle's thread for me is in anger. Anger is what allows me to bring on the transformation. Bloodlust, anger's little cousin, is the thread to Harpy. And also fittingly enough battlerage is the thread I use for Minotaur. I think this pleases me, for I have experimented with the new skins and I remain in almost absolute control. But I do touch the threads while in those forms, so I believe in the wrong circumstance I may find myself more open to anger, bloodlust, and battlerage correspondingly. I mean, its not a big deal if while in wyrmling skin I become more greedy, at worse that should start an argument and I can have enough time to revert to myself. But in the heat of the moment these newest forms are more dangerous, an impulse could lead to an axe swing at a party member. I will have to be careful with these until I find my and their extents. But for now they are very useful tools for my fights against the unbalanced and abominations. If I had this gargoyle form only a day before I could have shrugged off all but the house-sized beetles bites. Everything has a time and place, and this was obviously the time for the transformation, I will not lament it further.
My last noteworthy entry is Verideth has returned to Mistone. Aparently the further he pressed himself into the Arcane studies the weaker his bond with the land became. Even for duty and tradition he could not make that sacrifice. So I am sure he had a round or two with the folks and returned to my side. He knows I know exactly what it is like. Its seems he and Leshariel became sperated while he was in Voltrex and he is unable to find her again. He has tried her home and a few other favorite places of hers. I have helped him where I can, but I think something went wrong or sour. I shared with him the news that Ella and I were together and he was shocked, but not condemning. For Verideth I will take that as acceptance. Things remain beautiful with Ella, we complement each other in so many ways, from the battle field, to our ways of looking at things. Her heart is definitely more noble and good than mine. She always has to save the wounded, spare the repentent and sooth the child. While I would not act in the same manner, I find it very appealing. That she can care for others at such a fundamental level. While my views focus on the cycle, on caring for nature (and nature can be cruel), and on treating others with respect. Sometimes sacrificing must be made for the greater good, if a few families must die by creature attacks for a town to get the message to stop over hunting or logging, than is a worth while price. If I myself must face the soul mother to weed out an infestation, then I gladly pay it. Which, for the record I did while clearing out the hallowlight forest, darn assassin vines earn their name! I do not suppose she will ever change me really and I hope I never remove her bright outlook on the world, for I think it is that almost innocent belief in good that I find most attractive. In the begining I was taking Cant lessons from her only for the excuse to spend more time with her, to figure her out and appreciate the company. But I must say somewhere in all the lessons and my only desire to accomplish challenges put before me...and to impress her to some level... I have become a fair hand at this Cant. The problem with the language is that there are no words and the same action can mean fifty different things depending on the angle performed and what preceeds and anteceeds it. But I can understand it when others sign now at a reasonable level of competence and when I begin sending the signs I am begining to have some success myself.
~Aer
-
These new forms take a toll on me. I do find myself more on edge or easier to make made after I have been in them for a while. I spent yesterday running aroung as a panther to just have enjoyment and peace of mind. I found out that my conection with my animal forms is stronger as well. This is a great boon, I may switch out using them in combat to ease the wear on my mind form the taxing tolls of the evil in nature forms. Now with that said, I have had no loss of control with the new forms....well I have charged off into the next wave when it was not the most prudent, but no actions against myself, nature or my companions. This idea of threading one part of the form into myself when I trasform is genious, it seem to make all he differance. What is a little detox afterwards?
My realtionship with Ella is exceptional, she is a great match to my personality. Granted we do not see eye to eye on, well, a lot of things, but I like that. It keeps perspective and I find it exhilerating. I am glad I did not let tradtion stand in the way of happiness. I wonder what else my people have gone astray on over the centuries?
Ben is almost becomming likable. Even if he is becomming an old complainer. I think that is what makes him happy. I am really begning to understand the interactions of Cant between Ben and Ella when they use it without asking. I still have many weeks of practicing before I can make my intentions as easily understood without words. If it was not Dark Elven in nature I'd be most interested in learning their hand sign. But I can not think of any use to warrant justifying anything they have done.
I am becoming something of a tailor. If I keep with it, I may become somewhat of a master. I do think I have learned about all there is to learn form making bandages however.
~Aer
-
I really should learn to write more often, sometimes so much happens between entries.
I attened the raffle ended up winning a flag of might, a diamond bulls necklace and a scroll. I was then told by Lin'da post fact that items can not be sold. And then after the auction was over and I posted to trade it she had the nerve to slander me in public. That is one Sun Elf that has lost touch with our ways. And that is from someone doubting many of our ways!
I held my attempt at a meeting for druids, only a few showed. Pallena, Elgon, Ver, and a shifter! named Coyote. We ended up clearing out Storan's but much more importantly I was able to ask him questions about being a Shifter. He is much further along the path. He says that you must just be strong of soul and dominate the forms. I admit I am afraid to try this after my expeirences with the Dark Elf and Drider forms during my testing period. I have felt their evil touch and I am afraid to loss a confrontation with those forms. I will need to meditate on this and see if I am ready for the risk. Obviously it works for him, but that leaves me with no promises for myself. Also of note is the fact I do find myself easier to anger or just more volital. I feel Ella notices it too. This of course leads credence to Coyotes way, if I do succeed by his ways, there is no given attrition to the forms, thus no side effects.
I have been avoiding prolonged use of my forms while I make my choice of how to proceed. And I have found that the form of the bear is a great tool in battle. I am at the moment at least in love with its combat effectivness. Of course my main love remains that of the panther.
This is a very confusing time for me all in all. I wonder if I would suceed in an attempt to simply dominate my forms. If there was a measuring stick or a way to practice more I would gladly use them. But this path was never so clearly defined.
I met a man by the name of Marec, and he interests me. He is a monk and has some unique personal codes. We see eye to eye on most things and I find his dedication to his fighting style in a way similar to my dedication to my animal forms. I find his focus of will power and thought in battle similiar to my battle to control my forms. If my will power is great enough, I can control my forms as easily as he does his fighting styles. In any case, I enjoy his company although he did profess he is a Toranite and that worries me.
`Aerimor
-
A farmer had a problem with missing livestock and a few adventurers decided to help. The short of it, was that there was a child inflicted with lycanthropy responsible. After much ado, we found the child in his own skin and Ella took on the role of mother. She took the part to heart, and I swear her good deeds will one day be the death of her. But whose heart would not have melted seeing her with that child? We eventually tracked down an "expert" in the field in the Great Library. He was able to put the boy/creature into a stasis and took the boy away... It was so that somehow the boy could be used to kill his sire. Apparently the silver back sire is a powerful and ancient werewolf. I admit, I would like to see such a threat to balance put to earth. Ella of course would not leave the child and after the expert saw that that was how things were, he agreed to take her along as the child's advocate. I do not know where they are or if she is okay. I can only pray for a swift and safe return.
And now if I run into Elgon I will be forced to contend with him without Ella's lead. The two had a falling out. This pains me more than any simple child creature could. From what Ella told me, Jaelle...surprise surprise.... is the catalyst if not the reason. Apparently Raz and her concieved a child... poor dumb fool... and Jaelle won't tell Raz. And Raz doesn't know. And the two had a fight and parting of way. And Ella went to advocate on Raz's behalf...once again the good heart of her getting her into trouble and places where she does not belong... and Jaelle lost control and began sobbing. Then my lost brother, Elgon, tried to turn it on Ella. Telling her she was cruel and mean-hearted. Boy is he off on this one. Ella seems to think he is smitten with Jaelle as well and prefers her weak and in his comforting arm. I do hope she is wrong, but I have always named his two weakness that I have seen. Too much compassion for the damned dark elves and too much time spent with Jaelle. Nothing good can be gained from spending that much time with that *explative.* I do not know if she is evil or just stupid and selfish, but it is clear she cares only about herself and anyone that thinks different will get burned. While I have never cared overly for Raz, I do pity him in this. He is just a fool. Just on second thought I remove my pity. His views and lifestyle directly led to this. A firm example of reaping what one sows. I just hope Elgon is not on the same tainted path. I hope Ella and he can come to terms, it will make it easier for me to see if he is open to reexamining his situation with Jaelle. And the dark elves and the poison they represent to us all. Hopefully he will listen to the call and realize that his attack and rebuffing of Ella is a clear sign of the insidious taint that is Jaelle.
In fact I was in the advanced crafting hall in Hempstead two nights ago and there was Jaelle, carrying another man's child, laughing and carrying on with some other poor sap. I guess she got over her life shattering grief. Or Elgon's embrace is that of a great healer. I wonder if she carries the child and when she becomes round with it, if it will even slow her escapades with her slew of 'admirers.' I think I will try to watch this hyper-drama unfold from the edges and see if I can find it enjoyable. Somehow I doubt I'll see anything but the waste and betrayal, but I'll see. Maybe I'll catch one of these grief moments and judge her performance for myself. And see just how foolish people are.
I miss Alatriel. I do hope she returns soon.
I still shy away from my forms, stealing their skins only when I am in need. I need to find a time to have this challenge of will. But I will wait until Ella returns. I feel to attempt it with a weakened heart would be a fools action.
I had a fight and a make-up with my brother. I think we needed to have our harsh words so things can get back on track. It appears that it is official he is over Leshariel and now officially with Sun. He refused to accept Ella, but he freely goes from one non Sun Elf to another. I said as much in our fight. I believe he worries about my skin walker path as well.
The other other item of note I can mention is that I keep adventuring with Marec and find I like the man. He has a strong sense of honor and acts with thought. Traits that are not all too common in this land. I also admit I enjoy watching him in combat. He is another of those that fights with their hands and discipline. I still attempt to put some of his techinque into practice in my animal forms. His techniques are powerful with only his strength and speed behind them. With the strength of the bear or the speed of the panther, they would be devastating. I will have to work on this in my spare time, when things are not so hectic. Or see if he'd be opposed to helping me to translate what he does into a similar style designed for animal forms.
My heart longs for a meeting under the stars the way my people gather at home. When Ella returns, I think I will hold one for just the two of us. Show her more of what it is to be an elf and remind myself as well. It will not be the same without the elven music, but we will still make it work.
~Aer
-
Blast Elgon and Jaelle to the hells. Ella returned for a brief visit again, she still cares for the werewolf. I am coming unraveled.
Ran into Elgon and Verideth after meeting Ella. Elgon said he did not owe Ella an apology. I told Elgon what I thought of that. Told him Jaelle is a chaotic abuser, that she can not help but use and discard. That he is a brother, even though his blood is not pure. In anger, I tried to pull him into a confrontation, first with words and then in action. He stayed his weapons but engaged me with words. I think the anger is bleeding into my soul, I have difficulties telling anymore. I miss Ella. I use her for my moral compass. Even if I disagree with her wasted efforts to save everyone in trouble, I find it refreshing and a steady point to look at myself.
I know I am coming apart, I've died twice recently and both times the soul mother took her price. I have never even glimpsed her before, so strong in the ways of nature and balance I was. No, since speaking with Coyote, my confidence is shot. I now know I am not following my path the right way and I'm afraid to challenge the will of the forms in a battle for keeps. I will have to. I am losing by trying to stay in stalemate. But I can not gather myself without first speaking with Ella. I need her in my corner.
I know I said some very harsh things to Elgon, out of anger. But I also know, I truely felt them. He is conned by the wench Jaelle, and he is duped by the dark elf, Iradril. For all his good traits the blasted half-man can not judge character. He is as bad as Ella. Both of them thinking everyone deserves a second chance and that they can be saved. Bloody big-hearted fools. And darn my own eyes, I love them both.
I can not deal with it at the present. If I begin another argument with Elgon, I may totally lose it. I may have to hunt down his mistress and relieve her for her own life force.
Ella left and both Elgon and I helped Ver collect sapphires. Noone talked and Elgon kept trying to get himself killed. He came close enough once, that I was forced to break off my battle and rush to his side. We both almost died from his death wish. We managed to keep it together, collect sapphires and leave. As we were sneaking through enemy land, I shifted to my whelp form....my safe form. Well my only non-natural form that was safe. Not any longer, as I was following the other two through a group of worg riders, I caught sight of a necklace one of the filthy creatures wore. And I lost it, the dragon greed took over and I snatched it and ran. The rider quickly caught me and.... my second visit with the soul mother. I can no longer trust any of my skins. I must remain with my natural forms until I can regroup and have my battle for control.
I hope Ella returns soon, I do not know how much longer I can keep it together with no one to speak my heart with. I could talk to Ver, but he has been judging my path for too long now. I think I will remain in my animal forms as often as I can, everything is right, peaceful and in harmony when I walk as the cat or bear. I only need to hold out for a while longer, I know I can still manage that. But I could seriously use help finding an inner balance, aligning my energies or building my discipline.
Who else can I turn to? Rhizome made an offer, but he is impossible to get in touch with. Coyote, but I think he will not understand, and thus be a detriment. Blast, I have no one of my belief, no druidic brothers to turn to. It will have to be Ella. I do not know who else could help me. But I do think it will be a battle I am forced to wage on my own.
~Aerimor
I am sorry Elgon, but even if I spoke with anger, I did so from convictions and with your welfare in mind.
If something happens before I am able to speak with you Ella. I here and now intend to speak with you. And you are my heart and my morale guide. I love and miss you.
-
*Ths entry is broken, sloppy and filled with more errors than normal, but returns to a more normal appreance towards the end.*
Things continue to get worse.
I snapped at Ella when I last saw her, and I know she is under great stress.
I have been battling the voices of my skins for the last four days. We have battled to a stand still and I grow weary. I must rest before I continue this battle of wills.
Every trouble in my life, they bring before me in searing agony. My recent fight with my brother. My parents refusing to accept Ella because she is not a Sun Elf. My blow out with Elgon. My short temper. My inability to find the path of the skin walker. My relecutance to accept Zain as Ella's child. My current inability to truely accept Zain into my heart because he is human. My verbal acceptance of Zain as my child and thus assured disownment from my parents. My fights with Ella over nothing other then their whispers. The look in Ella's eyes when she told me I was worthless until I got this under control. The last image is the one I can not yet defeat in my battle for domination with the voices of my dark path. I am so exhausted. But I know if I give up now, next time will be worse, so I press on. I write this now, to log events in case of the worse. And I will sleep when I am done. Yes, I will sleep, I know I can not reach reverie in my current state, they would bring the fight to me there with my guard down.
So far I have fought my battle from my beliefs of balance, cycle and nature. I know these forms have their place in our world, and I know they serve balance. They are each useful and with purpose. But if my hand can direct theirs, they become great weapons for nature. It is this strong belief and connection to the subtle song that all things sing, that I draw my stamina and conviction to continue this battle. When I have been forced to rest, I have done so in the cloak of my panther form. The voice have yet to breach me there. I know my battle would have already been lost if not for my bond with the Great Oak. But if I am going to take the battle to those voices and secure my victory I must do more.
I must find better weapons and weild them justly. I must find more will and fight harder. I must win this battle and soon. I know Ella is right, I know she carries our son. After holding little Fianon, my heart sings that I have a son as well. I must win this little war and quickly. Ella needs me, and my son needs me. I can only imagine Ella's stress form the werewolf trials and my own temporary fall. The stress can not be good for either of them. No I will win this battle before I next lay my head down. And I will go home to see them both.
Yes, I can see the end. I can see Ella and I together, laughing and playing with our baby boy. Yes, I see victory over this temporary trial. I see where to draw my strength from. I will next fight for the three of us as well. When I write again, it will be again as Aerimor, love of Alatriel and father.
This is what I needed. I am again focused. I know how to will this battle for myself, for Ella and for our son. I will now take a brief respite as a panther, and when I next awake. The voices will know defeat, I come for them with no fears, only victory in my heart.
~A
-
//This is a player account of events as the character is currently unable to keep a journal in any form. When he is up to speed, his journals will resume from there. Until then I'll keep events as they may be pertentiant to role play and CDQs. The average roll for will check for the entire ordeal was a 4 if you take out three high rolls. Aerimor was more aggressive than I intended *shrugs*//
Aer woke up from his respite to the sounds of a messenger bird. Elgon had sent a message claiming Ella needed help now.
Aer met with Elgon and Ella, to discover that she had miscarried their child. Rage began to build from beyond the door where the voices live. He had not concluded his battle for control with the shifter forms.
The three went to Ellohanna's to seek help and discovered no one home. Ella charged Elgon with gathering a group to save their other son that they intended to adopt, the Werewolf, Zain. Elgon departed.
After comforting her as much as he was able, Ella said she had to return to Zain, that he needed her. Aer admitted he had not concluded the battle for control and even now the voices we preparing to bring the battle to him.
Once Ella left, Aer turned inward to do battle with the shifter forms out of necessity. He'd of preferred to put it off, but they had already passed the line of demarcation.
Aer stumbled upon Ellohanna. Elly tried to find out what was wrong and Aer snapped at her asking her where she was now that Ella needed help. That she was always there for Elly when the roles were reversed.
As Elly was trying to sooth Aer and the beasts within. Jaelle crossed their path. Aer flipped out blaming her for Ella and his fallout with Elgon and through slippery slope, the loss of their child. Jaelle never backing down turned his venom back with outrage. Aer lost all control and surrendered to the voice of rage. Once the Minotaur form took the reigns Aer chased Jaelle down ignoring the pleas from Elly.
Elly attempted to dissuade Aer with magics of pain and control with no effect. Jaelle attempted to turn his attacks and then to protect herself. Aer finally caught Jaelle and left her body where it lay. Elly caught by shock fired off a few more spells and removed the small part of Aerimor that was keeping her from becoming a target. After Aer cleaved Elly asunder, he managed to surface his will through grief and disbelief to take control of his body shedding that of the Minotaur. Arkenon in outrage from seeing Elly killed blind-sided Aer in his elven skin. Now pure anger poured through and the Gargoyle came to surface. After a long fight and heavily wounds from the previous fights, The Gargoyle was slain and Aer along with it.
Aer's soul was whisked away to Hlint. As his body form, it took the shape of his old friend, the panther. Aer ran to his place of solitude and fell to the voices in his head.
Verideth (Aer's brother) tracked Aer down and carried his panther form to Voltrex by the fastest means possible, the portal in Blackford.
Once taken through the portal Ella managed to catch up with Ver and beg Aer's body from him. Ver left at a loss of what to do and Ella drug Aer back to Blackford castle.
Unable to rouse or move him Ella left and returned with Elly.
Aer remained locked in battle with the forms in his mind and was managing to hold a stalemate in his fortress that was his panther form.
Elgon arrived in rage and demanded Aer's blood. The ladies shielded Aer and tried to turn him away. Elgon spoke in fury that just because Aer lost a child, that does not give him the right to kill another. The part of Aer's mind that remained, heard Elgon's rage and words and still took Elgon at his word.
Aer ceased his 'useless' fighting reverted to his elven form and was quickly swept away from all but the corners of his own mind. Aer's body ceased its breathing and waited for the inevitable.
Ella noticed and made her most heart wrenching plea of not being left alone. The diligent and honor bound parts that remained of Aer pulled for control, and made their plea that Ella keep her word and end his pain and the pain he'd cause others. Ella refused and Aer expended that last will he had and forced one last change to panther.
Aer fell into quiet unconsciousness and was taken by Elgon, Ella and Elly to Elly's house. He was left to rest and his body finally recovered. Elgon long gone. Aer regained consciousness and began his life as a panther. What remains of Aer remains locked away in one corner of his mind and the shifter's voices in the other. The panther prowls the middle keeping guard while Aer's mentality remains hidden and wallowing.
Aer's body and almost his entire mind remains that of a large and playful panther. Absolutely devoted to Ella. And completely removed from the pains of his losses, actions and failure to defeat his shifter forms. //Darn you Coyote!//
//~D Sorry it's so boring to read. But I'd rather give play by play. Without Aer's personality (who thought he had one) your left with mine.//
-
*The following has lots of empty spaces, marks of ink where a pen rested for far too long and the lines slant up and down in no congruity. And multiple repeated words and a couple repeated sentences. Punctuation and capitlization is overly forgotten.*
I can not bring myself to write of recent events yet. What of them I know. It all hurts too much.
I have lost everything and only have myself to blame.
The council of Druids formed and called me forth for judgment. They collared my ability to transform. I have no place to hide. No place for solace. I miss the panther already. I keep telling myself rationally that this is a good thing, that they did help me. That now I have the chance to fix my problems and not avoid them. I tell myself that rationally.
The council went on to say that there are no dark voices, that any voices I heard were supplied by my own mind. That my fears, or lack of strength, supplied not only voices but the form to evil and unbalance. I lost control of my rage, my percieved voices and killed Jaelle and Mrs. Dawnstar.
Before my loss of control, I lost my unborn child...Alatriel miscarried. Now I have lost Alatriel as well.
I used to always be in such control ...at least of myself. Now I can not even ....I am so far out of balance inside and out. I need help.
I will find my brother and see if he can help, but I hold out no hope. I know what he knows. I need to find Rhizome again or some new avenue altogether. Truth is, I might be too ashamed to even speak with Rhizome if I did cross his path.
I don't know where to turn. I just know I need to face Mr. Dawnstar soon. So their family can move on and I don't hold out hope for myself. I guess I hope he demands more from me. I think a heavier punishment would help heal my soul if not my mind.
Jaelle and I have come to terms. I thought she was going to be the hard one to face, the hard one to reconcile. But I was wrong she was fairly easy, I guess it helps that I never cared for her after all. Of course, she holds a chip over my head forever now, but there is nothing I can do about that.
I worked the fields where Mrs. Dawnstar called her fire and ice upon me. That is as close to normal I have felt since ....since. The ability to work with my hands, doing grueling, tiring, monotonous work. In the dirt. It made things easier. Life was just simplier. I see a lot of physical labor in my future. It should be something I can not mess up either.
*Is not signed or marked.*
-
No peace or balance finds my soul. I wander lost and confused...and hurt. I have managed to come to a agreement with Ella. We go to get silver for Zain together. We also release out pain on the goblin masses. I think she knows I can't love her unless I find peace in my heart again. But truth is, I do love her. I am just too afraid to risk showing it or, more correctly, feeling it. For now, I think I need to surpress my feelings....then I can not lose control again. A tight reign for now. I will loosen the hold as time goes... right?
I continue to try to meet with Mr Dawnstar to make amends with Mrs Dawnstar, or, failing that, seek punishment so he and his family may carry on. Maybe myself as well, if the punishment is just.
The only solace I find is from two places, one is in battle when I am turtling behind my shield and being wailed upon. But this form is so weak, so frail. How did I ever acomplish anything as an Elf? I know the Druid council wants me to learn to love and respect this form. But it is tough, my elf face.....my form is a weak one.
The other place of solace is in menial, montoneous labor upon the earth. I have volunteered days to the Hempstead farmers. Those that will accept my help anyway. I turn fields, deliver live stock and turn disease from their crops when they ask or allow me. I even shared some healing on the results of a nasty accident. But right now the best is simply working the earth with a ho or shovel. I can lose my mind in it, everything becomes simpler.
My morals are slipping. I partied with Iradril for the first time since I learned he was a dark elf. What does it matter? We are both monsters with weak wills. We know mine.... and he is too scared to end his life before he ruins everything he ever worked for. If he died now, he could do so as a hero... a first for a dark elf. But he chooses to continue living each day, waiting for his will to slip and his monsterous heart to take control. Yes, how can I cast words of righteous anger when for now we are brothers. How doth that sting my heart, even with the armor I have built around myself, that arrow still pierces true. I am no better than a dark elf as I am.
I can still do good? I can still work for the balance and shelter of the great oak? Can I still accomplish enough to repair what I have wrought? Or should I do as I have told Iradril and seek to return myself to the cycle?
I still need help in the worse way!
I must make amends with Ella.
I must find a way to either save Elgon, or become close enough to him again that when he falls, I am in place to catch him
I must find Mr Dawnstar and have judgment, so his family can move on. And I can hope, one hole in my heart can begin to mend.
I must find a way to appreciate this elven form again. Or at least respect it. My heart, as ugly as it may be is still Elven. And even in this pain, I know i will never accomplish anything if I can not repair at least some of its damage.
I must find a way to eventually face my emotions, my anger and rage especially.
The first two I have an idea on how to accomplish, but I am lost for real options for the last two. Lots of time I guess?
Fates be kind and send me a solution, I swear I will attempt to listen!
~Aerimor.
-
I almost lost control of my emotions today. I was speaking with Ella and she kept chipping away at the wall I have erected to guard my emotions. And before I knew it the tears were falling. I wish it was not true for her sake, but I love her so. To look at what I have turned her into.... Oh I remember what part of it was, she spoke of the future and us trying to have another child. She is such an idealistic fool, how I miss her. As soon as I realized I was on the verge of letting my emotions control me, I slammed the door on them as best as I could and left. Before I did, she said she had someone she wanted me to speak with. Someone that could help. I would try any snake oil, shaman's charm or faith healing for her. But I hold no hope. Until I find a way to face my own demons, what good can anyone do me? And I can not face them until I find the quiet in my being again. My spells are more difficult to draw forth then ever before, if I do not find a way to find balance and restrengthen my tie to nature soon, I may be no more than a weak elf with a wooden shield and appreciation for animals.
I am afraid to let my emotions out, but I think I will have to anyway. I think I will plan a trip to some far away spot, days from any people. Then if I loose my way again, at least I will not be able to harm another soul. I do not know if I should tell Ella or not. If I don't and that is the end. Well I'd like to say good bye. But if I do, she may try to stop me or follow me. Now that I have penned this, I imagine I will tell her. There will be opportunities to get away; she has to visit Zain often. And at least she will know what happened if I fail...again.
I am now very afraid. I have never before feared death.
I don't think it is the death I fear. I think its being unable to keep my oaths, repay my wrongs. Sadly, I do think these things are more important to me then my own life.
-
I still fail to catch up with Mr Dawnstar. I continue to await judgement and resolution with Ellohana.
The only peace I find is still when I work the earth. I think I have added as much sweat to the Hempstead fields as a few of the farmers themselves. In a way I guess we both are doing it to survive. I am not sure if I could keep my emotions locked up tight if I did not have this simple release.
Ella said that a man Grembeld was claiming to be Zain's uncle and looking for him. She thinks it could be THE werewolf in human skin. I shall stop by Wayfare, where he claims to get messages and look for him. I think I know something about spotting a monster lurking in mundane skin. Maybe I can be of some real use.
~A
-
Things are getting no better. I feel my mind remains shatered. My thoughts are not like before, they are confused and jumbled. I fear something snapped that may be beyond healing. Couple that with the fact I have atempted to wall off all strong emotion and I am a wreck. I must find balace inside myself soon or be lost.
I ran into Elgon and attempted to make peace with him. I do not knwo how we took it as I ws overcome with grief and tears. I refuse to let such strong emotion find hold on me, they may lead to anger and rage... And I refuse to touch those emotions. Not after what was happened.
I talked with Ella. We discussed things. And together we decided I will find someplace remote and face my emotions. And I loose my battle, better to die while attempting to save myself than waiting for it to slowly overcome me. Know that she knows, ...at least if I fail. She will not have to wonder. She was the best part about my life. She completed me. Even got me to consider everything I learned as a Sun Elf growing up. Well I think its message in some cases was lost over the milenia
I went to visit the Dawnstars, only Mrs Dawnstar was home. I apologized again and told her of my plans to 'go away'. I figured it migh tbe better if she didnt have details. Ella can always fill her in later if she desires. Mr Dawnstar remains away. But Elly told me that Mr Dawnstar was seeking to have Ladt Creekskipper speak for him in regards to my crimes against he and his. But Mrs Dawnstar did not think Lady Creekskipper had yet been contacted. I told Mrs Dawnstar I'd be available for a week and to send either of them my way. After that I had to go for a while. She thanked me and I left.
I am taking this time to try to make final peace and get my 'house' in order. I leave here in my journal a copy of my will. I am also filing one with someone in Voltrex and arranging for one to be sent to Alatriel if I am gone for longer than two months without contacting her.
~Aerimor
*A folded copy of a AErimor's will is left folded in this page*
-
Finally! I crossed paths with Mr Dawnstar. Maybe I can have resolution with him and his before I part. I believe this may be crucial if I stand a chance of overcoming myself and regaining balance. He was understandably not very talkative. He said he desired for the courts of Rofirien to judge me and that was his word as the speaker for Mrs Dawnstar. the gods have no sway with me, but this is more than fair. I go now to turn myself over to the authorities in the Fort Vehl temple. Finally maybe my soul can have some peace. I know the druid counsel punished me, but I never felt it was for the same crimes as I go to confess now. I plan to confess to the crime of murder for Mrs Dawnstar. The murder of Jaelle, while she was with child. These are as Mr Dawnstar stipulated. But if I am submitting to them for that much I might as well confess to the attack on Arkne..i think his name was..and make it a clean start. Granted Arkne attacked me, but by that point I feel his attack was more than justified and even my attempted defense of myself an act of agression.
If I see Ella I will tell her, but I leave now. So Ella if you are reading this for any reason Ella know that time was of the essence. Or I would of told you.
I am actually looking forward to this. I do not know if this is a result of my shattered mind or I hope, a soul wishing to regain its honor.
~Aerimor
*note added later in fresher ink*
I spoke with Reus of the temple in Vehl. He said I should return at //whenever this goes down// . He said the correct official will be available then. I wish that they could of started the process already. But I can wait a few more days. This may prolong my confrontation, but it will be well worth it.
//GM's please feel free to refrence Krysthalien's journal as he will make an entry as well. I of course do not know when that will be, but I did not want to be the slow poke. =) //
-
I anxiously await the comming trial. And yes I am anxious.
I spoke with Mrs. Dawnstar, she said that when I was still giving advice, I gave her some and she now decided it was sound advice.
I do not remember it. But she said she is retiring from adventuring and rededicating herself to her family. I can't say I gave her that advice, but I agree with it. She is young yet and will have many decades left to pursue more adventuring if she desires. She also said Mr. Dawnstar was going to do likewise. I am glad for that. I have only her word that he is a good father. I know for over a year, I spent more time with his children than he did.
I miss Mrs Dawnstar's children. Especially Aurhi. Seems I will never get to be uncle Kitty again.....
//unsigned
-
I continue to await the trial. I can hardly think of anything else.
I continue my work in the Hempstead Fields, helping any and all farmer's that will accept my assistance. I still find the tolling physcial labor and motoneous actions to be the only soothing thing for my shattered mind.
Jaelle approached me and asked to 'cash' in my debt to her. She asked why I hated her. I explained I did not hate her and then listed my 10 reasons or so for disdaining her. She then asked for me to not hold her sins against her child. I told her that would be done no matter any debt exchanges between us. And lastly she asked that I attempt to look out for her child if the need arrises. She made it sound as if she would not be surprised if she was removed form the picture some day. Well I listed my clauses and specifications. Mainly that is coudl not come into conflict with the vows I had already given as a Druid or my personal vows to Ella. We worked out a pact that she found acceptable and I gave my oath. The best thing for her child in the long run may be for her to not be in the child's life. But that will be for her to decide for now. Of course now that she had me to swear to look out for the child for the time being, if she become a threat to it. I will have to remove her for it or vise versa. Let us hope that the power of motherhood helps straighten her out. I have enough problem of my own, without getting into more. And that is if the Roferiens do not sentence me to death....
~Aerimor
-
I ran into Ms Creekskipper in Hempstead and asked her to take me into custody. On my way to Vehl I had the fortuen of running into Ella and got to let her know face to face that I was finally being taken into custody. As much as I try to remain emotionless, there was no way I could tell here our possible final farewell without being overwhlemed. Well now the ball is rolling and there is nothing I can do but await its stopping point.
When we arrived at the Roferien temple in Vahl, Reus this time agreed to keep me in custody. I presume since this was the second time I was turning myself over he went easy on the restraints. I am under house arrest and confined to a room in the temple. I heard the lock tumble when they left, but everyone knows that was just a token action. He could of had me confined in the Vehl jails, but instead afforded me a small room with a window in sight of a line of trees. I think he may of known the favor he did me, but even if he did not. I am very thankful, I am not sure I could survive being confined indoors, cut off from my bond to the earth for a grat period of time. At least not now, not with some many internal issues. Its till feels like I have shards of glass in my head when I think sometimes. When I do feel my heart it is more wounded than I ever thought possible. I of course still wear the locking amulet, so I can not even touch my natural forms. My concentration and focus are shades of what they were. Yes, I am very thankful for a simple window.
Now I wait, with nothing to do but think. I will ask for a bucket and rags, when next they feed me. At least I could task myself with cleaning this room like it has never been cleaned before. I miss my work in the fields. I believe it helped keep my bond alive but it also served to trick my mind and wear out my body. So I could at least find release in monotoneous physical toil.
I also spoke with Arkne and made peace. He was very easy going about it, so I have to assume that I at least did not inflict any lasting injury on him.
I believe I am at peace with myself in regards to those I have injured to what degree I can be. Or will be after my sentencing. I do not believe my soul deserves to be chased from this existance. But if they order it, I will accept the easy way out that they offer. I am fully commited to this sentencing as long as I am not left with a slap on the wrist. I have never witnessed Roferien law and punishment in action. But I do not think I have to worry about them being too lax.
I have written letters to Mrs Dawnstar, Mrs Thornwood, Alatriel and a few of the farmers I have been helping. I will ask if they can be sent. I guess I should write one to Ver as well, but I do not know what to say. And i know I should write one to my parents, but I do not have the heart to do such a thing. I am sorry Mom and Dad, but I wouldn't even know where to begin.
~Aerimor
-
The trial and sentencing can not come soon enough. Even if these are my last days, I can not wait for the end of this imprisonment. There are times when I am all but unable to calm my mind. My world is now five paces by six paces. Well and the window. Without the window looking out on those few trees, I think I'd of landed myself in the Vehl jail already. When I can reach reverie, I often wake with some of the worst memories of my childhood. And of course of the night I am to finally face justice for. I have no idea how I ended up here any more. My memories are becoming blured. It hurts to think sometimes. I can seldom focus my mind any more. I am becoming more distant and out of touch of reality. I gain prescious little conversation from the cleric that bring my meals. And noone has come to visit. Not that I blame them of course. I can not pen how much I desire to just see Ella's face. But I know she has her werewolf son to care for.
Things were never suppose to come to this. But then I wonder how many before me have said the same. My story is new to noone. If it wasn't for my connection to the nature and the world's life force, I doubt I could still form sentences or thoughts. I think I heard my dear friend Kalesh a few nights back. I am sure the guards kept him from entering the city. My friend your voice did my spirit wonders, do not do anything so foolish as to put yourself in danger.
What was I writting? Yes, I was writting of how slow the wheels of justice turn. I can only hope thet they near their revolution, wether I remian in their path of not.
~Aerimor
-
The days become longer with each setting sun. I am not sure I will last until my trial if things do not quicken. I have pulled out my old meditation techniques and they help greatly. But they are lacking. I miss my physical toil in the earth. I miss clear thouhts. I can not keep focus or concentration for
long in here. My heart remains heavy and my thoughts scattered. I have thought about walking out that door a few times already. I think it would get me a hastened trial or sentencing, be it execution or not.
But I can not just throw my life away. Not without finding out if I can yet be helped. I know Alatriel could use my help if I have any to offer. She is surely overwhelmed by trying to find a way to help her son. I think the worse part of this confinement is knowing that door it just a symbol that it could not stop me. I think i may have torutred myself more by choosing this room over the hold cell. Granted i'd have no window, but I'd also have no choice about being confined.
I have cleaned my room spotless ever day but still I have hours to fill. So i have made a regamine for myself. I wake up and make my bed. Try to focus and find clearer thoughts in my mediations. I then run in place and do some other physically tiring activities that do not require much space. Crunches,
sit ups and the like. I wish there were more things I could do, but I do not know any more that require so little space. I then am usually fed. I stare out the window for an hour or so, trying to will my connection with nature to strengthen or at least not diminish in any case. I then scrub the room from top to bottom. They have been kind enough to provide me rags and water for such purpose. I then am fed lunch. I then write a journal if I can. And attempt another cycle of meditation and physcial activity. I do try
very hard to kep my self physically drained. But with every passing day, it requires a little longer session of activity. They have been providing me with a wash basin and and change of clothes.
Being a church all they have in great supply is robes. I remember thinking how silly robes look. But truth it, they are very unconfining. Can't say i'd wear them if I am set free, but for now they are comforting. I offerd to
clean my own sheets and robes, but the cleric said its easier to add my wash to the rest than to make available to me the suplies to wash it myself. I just didn't want yet another person or three to have to do stuff for me. I am in enough peoples debt. I offered to at least pay for it, but once again I
was told it is not neccesary. If I still wanted to make a donation at the end of my stay, the church would take one then.
Then comes evening, the hardest time of the day. Everything around here gets quite, and most of the staff is not elven. I try again to pen a journal if I have one. And then try to focus and meditate. But without the physical activities to focus on, but instead knowing I will be alone with my broken thought all night again I do nto have much success. I wish I could learn some more advanced focusing or meditating techniques. A few of the older druids I knew practiced them and an occasional wizard friend of father's. I then try to commune with nature again, and at least that is easier under star light from the window. This almost complete isolation is tough. But I think maybe some things inside me are resolving themself on their own. Or maybe I am just wishing. What would I not do to speak with Kalesh or Ella! I would gladly talk with Verideth or Elgon. Heck at this point I'd talk to about anyone. The clerics that bring my meals are polite but really refuse to talk to
me at any length about anything. Any way if I am lucky I then find reverie and start the cycle again with morning light.
~Aerimor
-
//The following are a collection of daily journals, not all of them but enouh to get the point across. They are entered as one jounral entry for everyones ease.//
More of the same today. Meditate, exercise, eat, commune, clean, mediate, exercise, eat, wash, commune, mediate
count the paces from wall to wall, count the stars in my window of the sky.
I am sure tomorrow will be the exact same.
~A
Today was the same. Only differance is it was a windy day and I could smell more acuratly the sea breeze and a hint of the trees I so longinly look to.
~A
Today was the same. nothing to note except I think I had a decent reverie for a change last night.
~A
Today I had a new guy give me morning and afternoon meals. The regular guy was sick from what he said. This new guy Tony is younger and was willing to talk to me for a few precious minutes. He refused to come inside
the room with me, but he was polite enough. Gave me a peice of gossip too. Aparently the Roferiens are busy. A trial is upcoming for a half-orc that went on a rampage in hempstead a few weeks ago. It seems that is were the
roferiens have been focusing their energies. I guess maybe they have not forgotten me after all. I think I am just lower priority since I am here by my own actions. Its a small peice of light, but I'll take it. I wish Tony new more but, he is young and performing his duties.
~Aerimor
Today was back to the same routine. No more Tony, no more conversations. I reveries very well last night again. And my morning meditations went deeper and I felt beter afterwards. The afternoon one however was back to normal.
I think it was the prospect of having someone to talk to that made both the Reverie and the meditation more successful.
~A
More of the same today.
~A
Nothing new today. The walls feel tighter than ever before.
~A
I hope the half-orcs trial is well under way. I am getting stir crazy again. No reverie for the last two night. And the meditations are helping but not as much as they use to. I could really use a change of pace. Or at least a confirmed date for trial. Something tangable to look forward to.
~A
-
Ella came to visit me today! I could not of asked for a greater gift. After all our troubles she still has faith in me. And I know her life has to be hell. Trying to comfort her son and find him a cure. Well not find the cure so much as find out the information to take the cure by killing Z's sire.
I hope that we get a second chance. Altough I still contend she could do better for herself. I told her if the Roferiens see fit to kill me after making me be confined for so long, I would come back and haunt their church.
I can not even begin to write what her visit meant. We did not really talk about anything. But life was good and I forgot where I was and what I did while she was here. I know I'll make it through to the trial, if she can endure taking care of Zain almost alone, I can keep sane long enough for them to decide to kill me or help me get help. I will just have to try harder with my communing and meditating. I am sure there is enough power inside me and instilled into me by my connection to survive a few months of a cell.
We both blame ourselves for what happened with our child. And maybe someday we will be able to move on. Heck knows I understand life is tough and everyone dies. But its differant when its your child and you feel you could of done something, anything to protect it.
This is still too much for me. I need to go run or meditate.
Know my love goes with you always Ella. If you are given only on reprieve I pray it goes to Zain. He deserve every chance, after what he was saddled with at so young of an age. Whatever my future is, I wrought it myself. Zain had no such luxury.
~Aerimor
-
After more weeks of the same, Ella and Mrs Dawnstar came to visit me. It was wonderful to see Ella of course. But Mrs Dawnstar's apperance puzzled me. She said she had been having some troubling finding with her divination magics. I guess she still wants to think of me as a friend, even though I shattered that bond. I can refuse her nothing so I answered her questions as best as I could.
She wanted to know if I remembered killing Jaelle. I answered that I of course did. Then she said she didn't think I had. I hoped for a minute that meant that Brian or someone took advantage of the opportunity to kill Jaelle. This got me thinking I do not actually remember delivering the death blow.
What slim hope I had was crushed moments later when Mrs Dawnstar said she thought she killed Jaelle. Might as well been by my hand then. We both know _IF_ Mrs Dawnstar killed Jaelle is was by accident. And that accident came in reaction to my actions, then logically I am just as guilty for the crime as if I commited it by my own hand. After all that was clearly my intent that day, and any doubt that could of been given to me. That maybe I would not of went through with it, was lost the moment I cut Mrs Dawnstar down. I am obviously guilty of intent, and she died due to magics cast to attempt to stop me.
Mrs Dawnstar seems to want to blame herself. I guess she believes I will be visiting the executioner and that if she can carry part of my crimes I may survive. As much as I do not wish to meet my end yet, I will not let Mrs Dawnstar blame herself for my actions. I do not yet fear the gallows, axe or however they performs executions. I can only hope I show as much resolution if it comes to be my fate. My heart would die for Alatriel, but maybe I could at least find the honor in death I lost in life.
So, Mrs Dawnstar...Elly. If you ever read this, please know there is only one thing in my life I truely would ask to be able to take back and it is the events of that horrible day. I am sorry for all the pain I caused you and others. But you are guilt free in this Elly. Do not take blame that is not yours. Your are a greater friend that I apparently deserved. I am glad I was there for your family when you were in need. Those months when it was just Ella and I taking care of your children. When Ella and I had a possible glimps into our future, where amongst my happist. They wil be in the forefront of my mind if I face the executioner. I pray you never have to tell Ahuri what happened to Uncle Kitty. And since the only way you will be reading this is in event of my passing: For the months since I took care of your children, up until that day-I considered you my sister Elly. I pray your life finds peace and you and your husband find the life that lets you enjoy your family. And the only thing I ask, is that you do not hold my actions against Ella. She is innocent in this and needs all the friends she can get during this time. Remind her Zain needs her.
~Aerimor
-
I never thought I would say this, but I have grown accustom to the walls. I no longer fear them. I long to be outside and in the woods, or working the Hempstead fields. But I am no longer obsessed with just getting out of here.
The daily routine running into weeks and now months has helped calm my thoughts and my fears. I guess having a set repeatative no surprises schedule has helped clear my mind. I have found myself thinking clearer in any case. Or i have calmly slipped into insanity, in either case, there is more peace here. I miss the soil, trees and animals with my every fiber. But besides that, everything her is provided for me. I do not have to do anything more than eat. I of course continue with my physical exertion and meditations. I believe the physical exertion helps calm me and make my fears and guilt bearable. It also allows my mediatation to become increasingly more productive.
As I have said I have come to terms with what I have done and failed to do. I do not fear my fate. My only regrets are failing those I loved and killing Jaelle and Razeriem's child. If the executioner is what it takes to allow my soul to proceed into rebirth clean, then I welcome it. Everything has cycle, and if I can atone for my crimes in this life at least I will pass with a clean slate. I believe I have a lot more to attone for if I live than if I am killed. I know that the executioners axe would be the easy way out for me. If I live I will have to spend a life time atoning. But as I have noted before, it i out of my hands now. I will not attempt escape as long as I have control of my facilities. I believe I would be giving up all my reincarnations for whatever extended life I found in this one. I hope Ella does not ask it of me, I think I could still deny her this. But I would again be hurting my love. I must believe that we will find each other in the next life, if ours together in this one comes to an abrupt end.
Ella, I love you moe than anything in this world. If you are reading this in wake of my death, then please find heart. You have much to live for, including your son. I have left you most of what little material things I have. Please use it to take care of Zain and yourself. Do not hate the Roferiens, they only do as their god demands. And he in turn only does as he must, he is the face of balance that is justice and law. Both can be harsh, but without them everything would be lost. You could as well blame Aeridin for taking the spark of live from our child. Or Illsare for gracing us with our love. Our lives are touched by all 'gods' for they are no much that names put to aspects of life and creation. But if you do hate Alatriel, you will be lost. you wil be lost to Zain, yourself and to me as well. If you do not find peace in this life Ella, then there is no promise that we will be reunited in the next life. If I die before you, be it because of this senencing or many years later at the hands of diseased wolf or some other seemingly innane occurance, I will wait for you between worlds. I will stay my reincarnation until your soul finds mine. We will have our lives together in this life or the next. And whatever forms we take, you will have my love.
With all my love forever,
~Aerimor.
-
I keep my routine strictly, it is the best way I have to comabt to duldrums and monotonious days. I feel better in tune with my birth body that I ever have. While it is still far weaker than I had grown accustomed to. It does have far more strength that I had given it credit for. I no longer have even the slightest degree in shame over my natural form. The daily regamine has worked wonder for my confidence and abilities in this regard. Maybe I am trying to find the good in the bad, but time spent here may end up personally of being a posative thing. if it was not for Ella's removal and that she has to go through her trials alone, in hindsight this may of been a good path to willing to choose.
Speaking of Ella, if I am going to keep my part of our love and partnership, I have to try whatever I can to talk the Roferie's into allowing me to help Zain. She mentioned that her wizard may have a lead into helping Zain in a couple weeks. If this turns to be true and I am still withotu a set trail date. I will at least try to compel the Roferiens to allow me to gain temporary leave to help a inocent. Maybe they can geas or quest me with magics to assure my return. Or even trust my on my word with truth magic to show my true intent. In any case, the worse they can say is no. If I am going to seriously going to be Ella's partner, i must find a way to support her. And right now that would mean helping her with Zain. Zain the child she has all but adopted and I think that is only a formalitiy. If noone has come forward yet to claim the child and if Zain survies this ordeal. And i pray he does, I know in my heart he will become a permentant part of her life. And thus mine. I need to find a way to accept him fully, hopefully I will be able of such a emotional binding in the days to come. For now, i only latch onto Ella emotionally, I still have much inner growth to obtain.
And on the topic of inner growth, they say prisoners find religion. I guess in my own way that is what I have been doing. But I have no use for the gods or more approperatly any one god. I have been playing at this for years, it was time for me to finally accept it. The gods are nothing more than names given the the aspects of the world. They of course balance each other out as the word is balance. If it ever ceased to be in balance..it would cease to be. For example Roferien is just a name given to represent the powers of law and order in our world, standing in direct and proportial opossition to the powers and influences of chaos. Those that follow and worship Roferien in my opion are just pulling power for the world's natural AL'noth though a lawful heart or mind. Thus they themselves taint or change the magic to a lawful one. It is the user that puts the flavor so to speak on the natural resource of Al'noth. A Shadonite and a Toranite pull from same pool of magic, but do to their personal imbalances force the magic to reflect themselves. i have had much time to think, and for me this makes the most sense. I do not see Gods playing in the life of mortals, if there were Gods why choose to act through man? There are too many problems I have with that concept. And as such while i never worshiped Aeriden, I called myself aligned with him. But really all i was doign was naming myself in alliance with nature and life. I do not regret such a declaration. But now I simple believe i was being naive and idealistic. If I consider myself anything now, i consider myself aligned with the world and working to keep any force from out powering its opposition. On a more personal level, while I am having a terrible time continuing to accept many of the laws and customs I was taught as a Sun Elf, I continue to belive on my personal codes.
People must treat each other farly. People must have laws laid before them or true chaos would spread liek wild fire and destroy the balance between law and chaos. People must be held accountable for their actions, for only people in my belief can destroy the balance and thus damage our world beyond repair. As my actions upset many forces in the world. One bad day and I can not fathom the damage I did. The ripples of my actions still casue Mrs Dawnstar and her family grief and personal woe. If i would of killed Jaelle and Razeriem's child beyond being saved, that may of been the straw too many. I know Ella respects and like Razeriem. If I killed his child that may of broke his friendship with Ella and then who would she of had t talk to? And left truely alone...she may of foolowed my path or attempted to break me out of my confinement. And If I was forced out of her to help attempt to save her, I beleiv eI would of lose myself. And any chance I still have to do good and uphodl and repair my druidic codes would of ben lost. Yes due to the imperfections of man, setient races, chaos is the force that could most easily upset the balance and destroy all things. That is why I believe it is my and our job as men to protect nature, the world and ourselves from the chaos that is inside us all. Look at the damage one day of chaos in my life caused. The forces of Law take constient vigilance to balance the few occasions chaos is allowed ot run rampant.
What we buidl in a life time can be destroyed in a day, that is why we must pick up the peices of destruction and work to rebuidl what was destroyed. If we fail to do such, they next time it will not be the building that was destroyed but the foundation upon which it stood.
I begin to fear, if I remain in here much longer I may become a self-elightened philosopher. But I am not sure this is a bad thing. From reading what I just wrote. Maybe I can find forgiveness in myself? I am mortal and thus imperfectly accpetable to chaos, if i fail to giv emy chance to ammened the damage I have done or to rebuild the building that chaos destroyed. Then if I am struck again by such forces, i will lose my foundation. I believe I almost did such this time.
Well that is an insight that will make my evening pass quickly. I will have to seriously consider this enlightment.
~Aerimor.
-
My last entry was indeed a very powerful one for me. I think I may of found the grain of enlightment I so desperatly searched for. I have been shrouding myself in guilt for my actions. When I should of been working to repair them from the start. I have decided I will let this be a catalyst for me, I will use it as a forging of will and be renewed in those fires of chaos. I will be the blade and strike against our perfection and protect man and nature form the forces that have burnt my sould.
I must speak to the Roferiens and convince them to allow me to save Ella's son, to save my son. The hell with my parents and the traditions. This child needs love and someone to fight for him. As Ella choose to campion him, so shall I. My first words to the Roferien's fell on deaf ears. But i will compell them, I will appeal to the laws and honor. Surely they can not allow a force of chaos such as a werewolf to run rampent at the risk of such a small player as myself? I think Ella will have a chance to make play to help Zain, if it is true, I will be there if at all possible. Maybe I can convience them to send a squad with me? Surely they have sent forces to help with situations of equal improtance. And if they sent 4 or 6 of theirs they would easily be able ot keep and eye on me and keep me from escaping. Althought by now, you'd think they would of notice that it is I who have cound myself to their cell and their sentencing.
As little revering as I have been able to do in recent months, I indulge in even less as of late. But this is s good thing. I find I am now able to enter a deep mediation almost at will. The few times recently when I had any trace of a panic attack form my confiement I was easily able to brush it away by finding the peace inside of me. I believe there is more on this path if I continue to devote my time and energies to it. But the part that appeals most to me, it is this looking inward that gives me hope that one day I will be able to face my Shifter side again and remain untouchable by the voices inside me that allowd my restraint to fall and my base emotions and urges to run free. I even now wish to have that day again, I think I would of been able to stave off the intial lose of will and transformation into the Minotaur and ambracing of anger. And I do now fully believe, I would never of struck down Mrs Dawnstar, that was such a gut reaction to being attacked and wounded while enraged. I believe that if it repeated the moment i saw it was my friend Ellly, I would of stayed that swipe of my axe.
I now tell myself not to dwell on the guilt, or cripple myself with the action. But to use it and draw strength, to see my failure and know how to prevent it. I know now how that part of my mind used its ploy to make me see what was not true. I will never fall victim to myself in that manner again.
I hope to find the mental fortitude to never have to doubt myself in battle again, but for now, I will question my impulses and be vigilant for what I have seen before. I must remain on guard be build my armor and weapon to protect me from all attacks external and internal.
i think my philosophies may lie close enough to the Roferiens that if I can convince them part of my punishment should be in trianing or reflection with myself. That they may, I hope agree to allow me to recieve spiritual help form one of their clerics or men of personal faith. The religion part of course would fall on deaf ears to alrge degree as I do not believe in an entity itself, but if they had someone that could help me look inward and guard from chaos. There claimed foe, it could help me to further my path to self-elightenment? Now i fear i may of been locked up to long, do I soudn like a mad man? i pray not, or all is lost. Maybe I will allow a friend or even one of the Cleric to read my journal from the recent few months and tell me if I am on a path to salvation or a path of self delusion and damnation.
Locked alone, all I have it myself to rely on. And I feel that I am far healthier in mind and body then when I arrived here. But I always thought a mad man, never kne whe was mad. In either case, I think I would be on the way to my path. I just wish I had more to practice. I have mastered the basic exercises I tired myself with long ago.
I always spoek about how I would love to put the moves of animals into my fighting style. And as I have nothign else to do, mayeb I will draw a few digriams. If nothign els emaybe I will get a good laugh form it some day...if I make it out.
~aerimor
-
First laugh I have had in a long time...too long. It felt good. What made me laugh? I was trying to diagram how to incoporate the way animals move and attack into my fighting style. And if it can be done it is beyond my current abilities. No matter how I diagram or think of it, a club is just not a bear paw, a staff just isn't a panter claw and a scimitar isn't a wolf's maw. I kept trying to draw little pictograms of how the movments could be used, but I ended up drawing this fearsomly cute bear with a lightning club. And I could stop there I added the wooden door shield and topped him off with a hat and boots. I have enclosed the drawing here, I do nto knwo if it will be funny later in life, but it was the right medicine today. I had not laugh in over a year now.
As for my fighting animal forms, I think I will have to call that a horrible failure. Weapons just do not lend themselves to duplicating an animal's weapon. But I will stick with learning what I have from them. When and how to be swift, strong or agile. When to snake in for the throat or just rely on a good old fashion whallop upside someone's head.
I do miss Kalesh and I do miss the connection I felt when I took on the shapes of my friends.
With time I may find my way out of here and be able to gain the druid counsel's acceptance and have this lock on my abilities removed. For not it is something to hope for and work towards.
~Aerimor
*A bad drawing of a bear in a hat and boots weilding a giant lightning club and ginormous wooden shield is folded and placed in this page.*
-
It appears that my trial has been set. I am both relieved and very nervous. Just a couples weeks until a new begining, unless they put me into jail proper. But in this life or the next, I feel a great change is on the horizon from this trial and sentencing.
My days now have great weight to them again. I hold true to my daily routines and they still off me solace. But in a much deeper manner than when I first started them. I think I can come to terms with what I have done, why I did them and what I must now do. I guess that sterotype of men in prison finding religion is once again very approperiate. Even if my religion is a self realized one.
I have been assured Alatriel will get word of time and place for the event. Verideth may show or not, but besides those two, there is noone I can call friend that I can have any faith to at least bear witness. If Zain ends up in particular need that day, I may well face the justicars alone. While that saddens me, it is no longer an event I am afraid of. I do not know if representation will be provided me, or if I will only have myself to speak on my behalf. No authorities have yet ben by to take my words or accounts and I do not know how the laws in this land truely work. I was always focused on the laws of nature and the way individuals interact.
Less than a month of waiting to go, I feel like I have been in here a lifetime, so I guess a few more weeks will be easy. I have not had visitor's in months now and hope I will see Ella before my trial. Or she will at least send me word if she can make it or not.
~Aerimor
-
Ella came to visit me today!! Its been a long time since I had a visitor. And Ella is of course top of my list. She looks so weary now days, the strain of lossing a friend, miscarrying, worrying about me and constant tending to Zain. Who she just hopes she gets a chance to help. I know in my heart she will get her chance. I just wish I could help as well.
If I am going to be a parent to Zain, I have a lot of work to do. I know nothing about him. The only things we share is having a beast inside us, knowing what it is like to rampage and of course Ella.
Ella said the work orders for the house finally came through, I had given up that they would ever catch up after the Mariner's and LEringard disasters. I would like very much to see the house ready so we can bring Zain home to a stable enviroment. One that is his and ours alone.
I did my best to reassure Ella, to let her feel the confidence i have that Zain will be fine. Maybe that is the balance that must be paid. Maybe my time will be called to extend Zain's back to that of a normal human child's. If that is the case I will gladly accept that. I think Zain can do Ella more good now than I can. And he deserves a chance, I had mine after all.
Not that i am ready to give up. No I am past that stage. I know there is much work I could do yet in this world, starting with Ella and Zain. To clean up the chaos that stoel both of their lives and give them a measure of order and regularity. A chance to start again and build new lives together.
But what will be my fate will be, I am comfortable and at peace with my role in life whatever it may be. My doubts now lie with wether I will have a chance to redeem myself through acting or dying. In either case, my work in this world is not done and I may yet have my chance.
I kow some druids believe a union between two people is restrictive and stops the druid from looking out for what's best for balance and nature. They think one becomes to attached to personal desires. My words for them, each person is differant. Some will be distracted, and some strengthened. I spent many nights alone an in despair, I would not of made it through with my sanity if not for Ella. And for those that would counter and say without Alatriel I'd never of had my fall. I say the fates are what they are, I would in the end met the same forces of chaos. They would of just been later than sooner and I would of been alone instead of having a friend.
I told her I wait until the day I can hold her again and if the day did not come again in this life to keep her eyes open. That i may return to her in another form, maybe the Kitty that she oringally fell in love with in the first place.
~Aerimor
-
Today is the day, when I set my pen down and finish washing and dressing I head to trial. I am very anxious, and I am pleased to say I am not fearful of the results. I have made peace with my soul and know I will get my chance to continue on the life the fates have choosen for me. I am only to happy to have the door to a new life standing before me. I have faith my strength will not fail me if I am sentenced to death. I belive only life imprisonment could break my will now. If i am returned to confinement for a number of years, I believe I will loose my chance with Alatriel, i certainly hope she does not wait for me any longer. I hope Zain forces her into the moment of life, else his will be over before she realizes it. She or we will have to learn to cease the moment and make the most out of life with a human son.
But I wander from topic and time is short, for once in a LONG time, time is short! What a beautiful idea, just for the novality of it. Things have been the same and unchanging for so long, even today is a glorious event.
Point of this entry being. If this is my last.
I always loved you Ella. It just took a long time to deconstruct the biases, racism and traditions that were saddled on my by my people. I do believe at one point or another each of their laws served a real true purpose to protect my ancestors. But times changed, the world nearly died and was reborn. Did the Sun Elves change? Not really, maybe they added a few more customs and laws to further isolate themselves from the chaos of the world, to protect what they knew and what they had grown comfortable with.
Along with many other things, I have been forced to realise what it is and how it came to be. I do not blame them on the whole. But at some point my people will have to wake up and again think for themselves and relaise the world has changed and continues to change. if they do not, I do fear for my people's future.
Back to the point, the only point. There is nothing about you I'd change except the suffering Zain's condition and my folly have put you through. You were and are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, tan lines or not. And I hope to have the chance to help you free her from the prison of torture she is now held in.
With love always,
Aerimor "Kitty" Lightbringer
If I am dead, have me buried without the necklace enchanted upon me. I am sure the magic's will cease if my life force has. Let me be laid to rest free of the bonds that held me in this life; so I may find my way in the next.
-
Well I remain in the land of the living and the trial went nothing as expected. I started the day sure I was soley responsible for the deaths of Ms Dawnstar, Jaelle, her child and myself. But after listening to testimony of the other's specifically Arkne and Jaelle, I no longer believe so.
I believe that Jaelle and I together are responsible for the atrocities of the day. Having to listen to the Jaelle obviously shade the truth and disregard the trial process illuminated much for me. I see now that she was not as innocent as my guilt wanted to paint her. She obviously could of ended the confrontation if she desired. Except that as a manifestation of chaos she is unable to walk away from conflict.
I would of accepted all blame and fault if she was not so tainted and baised. If she did not make such a mockery of the whole procedure. In a way I guess I can thank her, if she did not fire me up, I would of quietly accepted all of the blame. As it worked out, I spoke the truth a I remember it. I was uncomfortable saying what type of spells she cast on me to start the actual combat. But I do believe they attacked my mind. And I can not even now be so sure she did not succeed in an attack against my mind and purposly increase my rage or decrease my ability to control it. But in fairness, the way I was feeling before the magic attack, I do believe I wished to do her bodily harm. To get some response out of the heartless and cold wench. And in that form of that day, I hold no faith I would of stopped at bodily harm.
In the end I think the sentencing was just, except for the fact I believe the crime against the child was unaccounted for. But I believe that with the promise I made to the child my pentenance will be paid. I agreed to Jaelle to protect the child. I seriously consider wether she is the greatest threat to her own child and if it should be relocated to a loving, uninherently evil parent. I think I will stick to the letter of the agreement for now and concern myself with its physical saftey only. I can not wait until the child becomes and adult or breaks path with nature and my vow becomes fulfilled.
The child has the deck stacked against it with a monster like Jaelle and a fool liek Razeriem for parents. But I will honor my pact and offer my services for its physical saftey when approperiate.
Anyway in the end I was found guilty of the murder of Ms Dawnstar, as I should. I was found guilty of only assualt and attempted murder of Jaelle. I beleive that she as much as I got that charge dropped to what it was. It appears the court agreed at least that she was as responsible for her and the child's death as I was.
My sentence fo crimes against Jaelle were commuted to time served. I hope it haunts her to know that my time served as strengthed me and help reset my resolve. That in a hard way, she helped me and reconfirmed my belief in order. And helped me to realise the damage the Chaos inherently represents. I hope Mist appreciates her faithful's work in the name of law and order.
My sentencing for the murder of Ms Dawnstar was exection. To take my chances with the soul mother. If anything i found this lienant, but if its the law and with the understanding Ms Dawnstar would not even desire this. I guess the sentencing is just. I was given the choice of execution manner for ackowledgment of the fact I turned myself in. He put the clause on it that the manner could not be inexpedient, cruel or unduely inhumane or something. I looked to Jaelle and then back to him and stated then that my manner of execution then could not be at the lips of Jaelle then. He found no humor in this but I thought it was pretty funny, aparently a few of the crowd did as well.
I miss laughter and human interaction as much as anything. I do not plan to disregard either. I told him the manner did nto mattre and they chose the bastard sword. We proceeded outside and an executioner asked me to kneel or be bound. I tried to summon enough courage to do such and found that I did indeed have the inner strength to remain under my own strength. I then managed to find solace from the event by focusing inward and falling into meditation. Something I'd never been able to do before my many months in confinement. The blade fell and I awoke at my bindstone. The soul mother stayed her hand.
I returned to the Rofirien temple and confirmed my debts had been paid and that I was a free elf again. They confirmed such. And on that topic when did is become approperaite for a justicer to called the accused by his race instead of name or titel as the accused? I find great affront by being refered to as 'the elf.' I was the one on trial, not my race. I think he did great diservice to Rofirien by his oversight of addressment. Why not refer to me as the dark haired one, of the right handed one? I guess he is only human and intitled to a mistake, and as long as he corrects this procedure now that I pointed it out, tha tis all it was a mistake.
I made my way to Ella's and my spot and fortunatly foudn her there. It was a long night. I knew she was alone and under great stress, but I did not realise how baldy she just needed to be held. I fear things are greatly changed between us and that she in particular teeters on disater. But we will now take this together one day at a time and find the Ella that was lost. Granted she does not exist any more, but the heart of her still does and when we reawaken that, a lot fo her pain will go with it.
For now we just need to focus on helping Zain and setting up a routine of normality. We need to put order in our life and give Zain a stable place to heal. For that matter Ella and myself as well.
Now that I am free, I feel the need to continue my path of self awakening. If I am going to be staying in the body for years to come, I wish to continue to learn to appreciate it and learn its strength. If I ever make ammends with the Druid's counsel and they lift their restrictions, knowing the strength and weakness of my own form can only help me do the same with my other forms. Maybe I can teach Ella some of what I have learned, give her a routine to find solace in. A way to channel her energies. I believe the order and structure would do her as much good as myself and if we did such together it would give us somethign new and special to share.
Everyone needs to have order and structure in their life; let me help give that gift to Ella.
~Aerimor
-
I am free, but things are not how they once were. I am a creature of habit now. I exit reverie tha same time each morning and follow much the same regiment i did while incarcerated. The main differance is not i run through the wilderness, through forest, plain and mountian alike. I can not express how good it is to be activley in nature again. My heart feels like bursting with the simple pleasures I have been without for so long. My oldest friend Kalesh joins me every morning on my treks. I think he suffered form my absence far more than I anticipated. He is a dear friend. But the cycle continued when I was away, he has now sired cubs and has allowed me to play with them. They are the cutest little kittens.
I think of the child Ella and I lost and wonder if we will ever try again. I am years away form wanting to activly pursue such and Ella is years away from being able to. I just hope Zain and Ella can mend each other. And i will do everything possible to put them in the place to try.
I intend to force Ella to start taking a morning run with me, but I have to be careful to not push too hard, but yet introduce faimliarity and dependability back into her life. With Zain how he is, I just have to bide my time. But as soon as we are back or she next travels to town, I intend to have her follow me to Kalesh and ask his permission for her to see the cubs. I think it may cause some pains. But i know it will do hear heart again to feel anything posative.
As for the rest of my days when Ella is not around, I am attemptign to restablish contacts and work on getting supplies to move the house. As i said stability and comfort are needed for Ella and Zain to start again. I have also visited those farmers of Hemsptead I was helping before I turned myself in. It does my heart good to know that most of them did appreciate me and asked with concern what happened. I have helped a few with their more serious concerns and am attempting to get the house into the area. I can not say whether I'd start a farm of not. But I intend to make myself available to those that need help with the more complex areas of life on a farm. Injuries, births, troules animals, heck anything they has the serious concern enough to ask for help with.
I do not know how Ella will take it, but I figure it will be a familiar place for Zain. After all he grew up in the general area. I hope that it will help him remeber what life was like before all of this chaos swept him away. I am sure he will have bad memories of the days when he was turned and the aftermath. But he will also have to face those eventually if he is going to heal.
I try to get use to going back into towns but find most of my nights I spend wandering off under the stars. i did find out that Ellohanna Dawnstar (Elly) is still at the temple and I went to speak with her. I will cover this in my next entry as it will require some length as well.
I eventually end up back to what patch of woods i am calling home and mediate and focus. I try to find out what I need to do next. And ever night so far it is the same. i need to find a way to help Alatriel and Zain. Alas it took a long time to hurt them both to the degree they suffer and it will take even longer to help them heal their wounds.
Now that I have only myself to answer to again, I feel very free and confident. i do nto believe myself above folly again, but I believe I will at least be able to realize any attack on myself and mount a much stronger wil to overcome than perviously. If i fall again it will not be with only a token defense.
~Aerimor
-
I spoke with Marec. I was just getting to know him before I turned myself in. He is one of those warrior monks. We got to talking and seems that a monk is a warrior who strives for physical perfection and spritiual enlightenment. I told him I was quickly becoming self-elightened, as no religions I knew of encompassed my beliefs. I also confused I took to heart the physical training. But when he asked it I sought to obtain physical perfection, I did have to slow him down. I told him I would just be happy with a new physical regiment that didn't involve only a lot of running, sit up and the like. He said that the Monastary where he trained would most likely be willing to offer guidiance and told me if I was serious they may accept me into training, but since my age is what it is, they may not. I confessed that that did sound for now compelling but admitted I could not leave Ella again. Not after all she has been through. I told him that if that is the price they require, I would b eunable to pay it, Ella is far too important to me.
Marec then offered to show me a few basic exercises and told me that it might still be possible to seek guidance from a wandering master. One that had completed his monestary training and left to aptly wander the lands. I told him if I managed to locate one I'd inquire as to a slightly more complex regamine.
Marec is very kind, but the idea of seeking physical perfection is a bit outside my scope. As I said I'd just be happy with seeing what this form can really do. I believe I am gaining the discipline necessary to attempt the first steps of such a path. But I do not believe I have enough knowledge myself to adaquatly persue such a difficult path.
I hope that when I stand before the Druid counsel, there will be no doubt among them that I did as they instructed and learned to appreciate my birth form and be in complete comfort with it. The better I accomplish that, the more easily I will conquer the shifter forms that I know some day I must again face. I approve of the restriction they placed upon me, to find comfort and respect for my elven self And then I assume to completely respect and control myself and the animal forms that I hope to again be able to assume. And lastly, with a rebuilding of self and control from the ground up, when I again open myself up the the powers of the shifter, I should stand all the chance I ever will of vanquishing doubts and using the forms as they were intended. As tools to serve the balance.
~Aerimor.
-
Ella and I had a long over due heart to painful heart. She spoke fo her need for time, time alone to heal. Her need for Zain to be free and her heart unburdened with worry for his pain and life. I asked if we were to have a second chance. I she stated she still thought that is what she desired, but she could promise nothing and would need as much time as she would need.
I of course told her she could have all the time she needed. I feel I have paid my debts to all except the counsil and Ella. She has changed so much over the last year and a half.
I find myself with some harsh feelings for Mr Dawnstar. He is gone forever while Ella and I take care of his kids, then returns long enough to pass judgment on me and demand I turn myself in to the Rofeirens. Never once did he thank me for looking after his family before he requested I leave Ella on her own. When I did cross paths with him, he treated me as only a killer and an Idiot. When I pointed out his illogical argument for not saving innocents, he all but wished me dead and treated me as a fool for caring about another life. I must say, Marec impresses me as a warrior monk, far more than Mr Dawnstar. Maybe the whole thing just hit too close to home. Or he is angry with himself for not being there for his family. But everything I heard about him, seems mis-placed.
I guess it is just another example how a touch of chaos can disrupt a life, even that of a spirtually awakened. I just hope things work out for Elly, that she either gets what she deserves sees to it that she obtains what she and the children need.
I have requested to again learn the Cant Ella was teaching me. I am afriad the lack of using it for a year has stymied my budding understanding. I am a little rusty. I still can follow most of what she is attempting to relay to me. But I am horribly inept at getting my points across to her. I am hoping it will be something we can do together again, to remind her of the past. I will ask for more lessons but not push her, if sh eis not ready.... she is not ready.
To pass my time, I have started enchanting. I figure potions can always be life savers.
~Aerimor
-
I have not seen Ella for a few days now, not since our heart to heart. I know she is at the castle paying testimony to Zain's suffering if not actually helping him. Who knows if he can tell anything of his surroundings in that state.
I am having my first relapse. That argument with Elly and the absence of Ella has left me deflated. I have been workign on my enchanting as I have littel else usful to do. I thought abour Storan's , I remember many of my solo trips in there. But now beign held to this elven form for my combats.... As hard as I am trying to make myself combat worthy I pale in this form compared to the dire bear form I use to assume. I think seriously on Marec's offer. I do think I would take him up on his advice to speak with the monestary that trained him. I would welcome the start of somethign new. And to lose myself in the same regamine day in and day out. If nothing else, I would be able to face my next Druid's counsel sure in my efforts of self appreciation.
I do think I am stronger of will for my time in confinement. For the days of being forced to come to terms with my short comming and my pains, with no help, or comfort. I do see now, I have a few chinks. But as I told Marec, I only seek to travel on the path. I do nto expect to find perfection. I will continue to build on the strength I have and when needed tear down the points of weakness and rebuild them before the whole creation falls.
I believe I still owe myself a "but" in this journal. But I can not leave to train with anyone for a great period of time. I am duty bound to Zain and Alatriel. And I am heart bound to Alatriel. I want to give her all the support and love she tried to give me and I failed to accept. I thought I was all so kind to push her away and 'save' her from the pain, to save her form the attachment to a failure. My question to myself of course was, if I saved her form all this pain, then why is she like she is? Why is she so scared and hurt. What happened to her good heart and free spirit? And of course when I had the courage to answer, I had to point the finger at myself. Right or wrong, better or worse, she just wanted me beside her. And the foolish, hurt, idiot I was at the time was so busy trying to save her from his failures that I did more damage than anyone else.
I had to turn myself into the Roferiens to give my chance at a new start. But I was foolish to tell her she was better off without me, the heart especially hers, just wants what it wants. Now I am afraid she no longer listens to her heart and will have a long road to find it again.
In short, I will look for one of these wandering master Marec spoke of, but if it does nto work out. Then it is my turn to sacrifise for Alatriel and try to start undoing the damage I caused. After all I am an elf and have many years to live. Sadly I can not say the desire to find more respect or perfection for myself will ever burn as brightly as it does now for me. Again the nature of what it is to be an elf.
But if I am to live true to my ideals of order, honor and balance. I have to set things right for Ella. And then for us. I owe her and must attempt to settle my debt to her. For if we are ever to be anythign like we were, then things need to be evened out between us, we need to be in balance as we once were. And for now the scales are weighed too heavily in her favor, and I need to help her and thus us balance them again.
~Aerimor
-
I went with Ben, Sala and Hedessa to the Ore hills in Dregar to help them get the Iron they need to fill my order of iron spikes I have in with them. As I have never been before it was very interesting to see the place and the creatures there. All except the poor Ancient Dire Bears that had been worked into a frenzy by their Orgillion masters. I know if it was no tin the midst of a battle I'd of been able to soothe there fogged minds and return them to a normal life. But the Orgillion gave us no chance in their assualt and my companions ended their lives. I can not fault them either a ragign bear of that size does not allow for more than a second of compassion from a non-druid.
The rest of the trip was without morale wounds, we destroyed a few small bands of chaos driven giants, and orgillions. And the mines they inhabited were rich with gold, iron, tin and even topaz. Gold is so unremarkable and pale before refined, I'd of never recognized it as such. Not like i have much experience with metal working or mining of course. But at the end of the day I walked away with a few bars of gold for Ella. And the Angels the tin, iron, and topaz.
Hedessa and Sala are very strong allies, thier mastery of the A'noth far exceeds my own. I was virtually untouchable with their blessings and became the wall against attacks, alowing them to call their magic and Ben to strike with his viscous blades, without to much concern for defense. I do not think they needed me in any way, but I do belive I was a contributor. Its the first time since I had my shifting powers locked that I felt like I was a true asset to a a group in a fight. It was a good feeling to have a roll in a group, and be able to perform it.
I found that all the work I have put into getting into better shape has paid off. I felt lighter on my feet, quicker with the club, clearer of mind and not so reliant on my shield. I often maximise my shield and become an almost impossible to hit target, relying on my allies to do the damage while I distract the enemy. But on this trip, I felt that I need not rely so much on my shield and was able to become a more balanced fighter, striking as many blows for a change.
All in all the trip was a success and hopefully that means one more shipment of spikes for the construction folk to work with.
And I now have gold for Ella to work with in her jewelry making. I have noticed that she is temporarily at peace when cutting gems and crafting rings. I do not know if its because she concentrates so deeply or if it soothes her at a deeper level. But for now, why ever the reason, it is a good thing for her. She is dangerously out of balance. Anything I can do to help her find an inner balance I will attempt to do. We need to keep her healthy until Zain can be saved. I still beleive that when that happens Ella will be a changed person. I just hope its enough, she has a lot of pain to come to terms with.
I have tried to get her to run with me, or meditate, or walk through woods and appeciate the simplicities of life. She just does not care to try, or has forgotten how to care. I know she will have to have a grand collapse, so much of the last two yers will have to be torn down. So that she and hopefully we can rebuild. That we can put order and meaning back into her life. I know she often threw order to the wind, only focusing on what good she could do. And while i often though how foolish she was for wasting energy on such things, I always loved that part about her. How she could instantly care so deeply for a stranger, that brought bad fortune on themself. I would keep moving along, hoping that the fool learned his lesson and was stronger for it. But not Ella, she'd always stop, help if she could and make some bond at a personal level. She was always so good with people. I always told her that they'd take everything she'd let them and she'd be left peniless and broken, but she never let me diswade her from doing the 'right thing.' We had a few minor fights over some of these, but my love and appreciation for her never faltered and she remained enamored by whatever it was she saw in me. I can only hope that whatever she saw is still there and she can forgive me when she finds her heart again.
Before her I mostly exsisted, seeking to fill my druidic vows and beliefs. At least since comming to Mistone. Finding my pleasure in Kalesh and nature, seldom from those who happened to be around me. And then there was Ella, she was that spark of life, something to enjoy. Even though I shook my head at her actions, my heart only grew to love and appreciate her. Some of the things she got me to do, made me want to do, they are priceless. It is wonderful to have someone to share life's beauty with. Even if its nothing more than pushing a friend in a pond to see their astonished look and know that it will of course come back to you in time.
I love Ella and hope we can save Zain and her soon. I will never find a spark like her in life again. I am an elf, with enough time, I do not rule out finding someone else, but they would never replace Ella. Noone can, she is unique like all of nature's creations. She is my balance, or was. I hope she can be again.
~Aerimor
-
Time has ben doing what time does. It continues to run out for Zain. It takes its toll on Ella and also prepares her to go onward. It continues to test me and present oppurtunities
Zain life is dangerously thin now from what Ella and the mage say. As a believer in balance I still believe he will be offered a chance to live. Too much has happened to that child in too short of time, pulling him too far from balance for there to not be a chance as normaility. Of course if it does not present itself or we fail to take advantage, balance will do what it must and terminate he boy. He is too far outside of balance ot live as he is. My feeling may be clouded on this because I know Ella's future hangs on the line as well. But I do believe I feel he will get a chance at life. And thus Ella will get a chance ot heal sooner than later.
The toll on Ella is far worse than I thought. Its the constant sight of Zain in stasis and pain with nothing to do to help him. Couple that with her people alone the whole time I was in holding and the fact Ella feels tha tI betrayed her by leaving and she carries a wound too large for one heart. The wound with time has festered now and she is bitter about life, and people. She either no longer cares about helping other, or is telling herself that. Obviously it would be to insulate her form caring about another that could fail her as I did or be in danger as Zain is. It would of been nothing too worisome if it didn't last so long. Instead of being able to heal and move on, she has been stuck in painful stasis with Zain.
Ella and I have talked, she admitted she is angry with me, and she feels I left her. She says things are not as they were, but she still wants me in her life. I suggested we start again and build from the choas our lives are. She did not seem willing to start over, but instead wishes to try to build on what we have. I assume that means the good and the bad. Unfortunatly I do not think this will work in the long run unless she allows me to redeem myself in her heart. If she does not, than she will always look at me at least in part as a betrayer. And no healthy relationship can come out of such an imbalance between partners. For now, we will concentrate on Zain. When we have him back, we will open discussion again. For now i think it helps her to think me in pain, so I will accept her terms for now. I went through my pain, I do not hurt for hw things are, it is wasted energy now. I know my failings and have come to terms with them. I do believe Ella is the only person I still owe a debt to, but I am no longer carrying guilt and pain. I only carry debt and desire to repair what we can. I love her as much as I always have. When I attempted to have her distance herself from me, it was because I realized how fallen I was and know it would bring her great pain to remained attached. Of course what I was not able to understand in my depths of despair was how strongly she ataches herself to those she cares about. I am not sure any rational person would still be fighting for Zain. I am not even sure if his life is saved he will be able to enjoy the rest of his short life span. Recovering from such an ordeal would take decades and the human life span is so short, I am not sure if it would not of ben kinder to end his suffering close to two years ago. But Ella and I will come to terms again after this is over, either as friends or as we were. Which ever her heart desires, but it will have to be willing to allow me redemtion or there as i said will not be enough balance for the deepest of relationships. I can only hope that Zain lives, she heals and things can return to as they were. But she has seen darkness she did not know exsisted, and I have fallen to madness and attempt to walk the path that will never pass through there again.
I have incorporated the moves Marec showed me, they are just more basic exercises. he said the were ones he did long ago and more basic than he now performs. I will give him credit then, these basic excersises make muscles hurt I did not even know I had. If this is the path to enlightenment I think I might consider waiting for the next passing wagon to hitch a ride. Honestly, I feel better for doing them, it is something new. I realize they will not help me one real iota obtain his perfection, or realize my inner truth, obtain harmony with the world. But its something more difficult than i was doing and it makes me feel better about myself and that is enough.
~Aerimor
-
I was in Arindor's demise fighting Umber Hulks and had this feeling of some presence passing. I finished fighting the last of the evil beetle creatures and was preparing to head out as the presence i felt was not normal for the place and worried me. I immediatly began to leave and a troop of Umber hulks rushed down the hall and surrounded me, twice the number I had just defeated. I knew that number may well be more than i could survive, but I also knew there was that Xorn at the entance and if i ran, I'd be caught in a bad place.
I killed all but three but was very seriously wounded, so I ran around the corner and managed one healign spell before they caught up with me again. If i only had a heal potion..... Anyway i used the wall to make the remaining three come at me two at a time. I still thought I might of had enough energy to finish the fight, but it was goign to be close. And then that Xorn sensing the comotion came up from behind me and shook the earth, dropping rock on me from above. One rock took me in my shield arm shoulder and I could no longer lift it before me. The fight was lost, I was lost. I took one last swing crunching more the the hulk in front of me, but failing to fall it. Then the other hulk reach over my useless shield and sent me sprawling into the wall. i regained enough vision in one eye to see the Xorn reach down with its claws and finish me off.
The next I felt was the all too familiar tear at my soul as the soul mother took her toll again. I must still remain out of balance, for she has not been kind to me at all. 4 out of my last 6 deaths have been accompanied by her touch. If I do not find some inner balance soon, I will not live out my natrual life span. I do not thik i will mention this to Ella, I do not think she is in mind to accept it. i will just continue to do as I must and hope to live long enough to see her well again.
~Aerimor
-
I recieved a falcon with instructions to meet a Miss Rainwalker, Leaf of the Whitehorn forest. The letter was signed by Legodia, enough said there. Miss Rainwalker was there to check up on me and see if I was still a danger or if hopefully I had found my path again. She asked me what I had learned. The short of what I told her. Is that I do not believe in gods, that there is the Al'noth and any use and shape it to their needs. Most call it powers sent by their God when it is the magical life blood of our world and it will answer to any who can call it. That a Paladin of Toran or a Necromancer calls the same force and shapes it to their own needs, healing or creating undead. And thus there is no God forces, just ideals. Thus the followers of gods are really just proclaiming their views in life, an Aeridinite is saying I value life above all, while a Roferien is most concenred with law. In that regard its the follower that creates the face of their god, and its is as imperfect as they are.
To then put that focus on myself, I now know that I all along was the source of my Shifter powers. That it was my inante desire to take forms other than my own that allowed me to use the Al'noth to do just that. And furthermore that it was my fears and ignorance that gave power to the darker voices or impulses that I associated with those forms. Through what I was told and not told as I was set down my path and continued upon it, I was given doubt enough that a part of the creature came with the form. Of course now I realize there is no creature, it is all me, the form comes form my ability to use the Al'noth to take the form. And it makes beautiful sense, why else would an axe appear in my hand when I assumed the form of a Minotaur if it was not for magic? The Al'noth and fear alone are powerful forces but when I allowed them to work together, well the results are now documented.
Well she appeared to of heard what she was looking for, the very short of it being, it was my soul alone that inhabits my forms and no other. She then told me I was lucky the Council had given me a second chance and that there was no such thing as a third. She then removed the amulet locking my powers and handed me back the amulet. She then told me if I ever needed her guidance to seek her out and to not dissapoint the Coucil.
In the days since then I have come to familiarize myself with my forms again. And the first time I took the shape of the Minotaur and later the Drider, there was a bit of trepidation for me. But when I assumed each, there was silence, no dark voice whispering secrets of rage or destruction. I knew that was what it was suppose to be, but each time I let of a sigh of relief. It seems my forms and I are one as we always should of been.
I have put myself to use again since then. Hunting in Storan's and killing creatures of Chaos that gather in too large of numbers. I even went to a newly discovered cave in the Silkwood overfilled with spiders, to such numbers the woods aroudn it could never support their numbers. My party made it to the bottom and we killed hundreds of them. Sadly I know there were easily twice that number in the caves we did not cross paths with. This cave hopefully will be kept an eye on by others of my brethren. I can see it easily leading to the overinfestation of the Silkwood by spiders.
~Aerimor
-
I have kept with my physical training as an Elf. One thing I have noticed since having my powers unlocked is that all of the training has made a differance. Granted my better endurance or muscle tone has virtually no effect when I take on most of my forms, as I create the body in its own strengths. But the parts that carries over that I do appreacite it the confidence that such trianing has given me as well as the clearer and quicker mind, especially in a fight. The meditation I also still find very valuable. Since leaving my confinement I have continued to work on my meditation techinque and believe I have found a way for it to satisfy me. When I meditate now, I look inward at first, feeling and finding my inner balance, putting myself mind and spirit in order. I then turn the focus outward and find my place in the world around me. To listen to the forces of the world, the call of nature and to try to discern how I can help protect it all. I do not knwo if this makes sense, but I center myself and look to find my place in the world. I will continue the practices I started in my rebirth. I still will look for a wandering master, to see if he can set me further on the path. But I also know I will not spend years inside a monestary.
I recently visited one what helping return to balance two swords that by their natures risk the balance. One a sword of great peace and defense the other one of anger and rage. When I was in the monestary I got to see some of the life of a Monk. Part sof it had great appeal to me, the structure, the regiment, the order of everything. But nature and worldly balance had very little calling inside the place. They focus so much on inner balance, I think most do not realise you also need balance with the world arround you to truely gain harmony. I'd like to think and hopefully find out if some of these wandering masters left because they came to that very conclusion. That to find true inner balance you must also find your place in the world. If so then they may understand my dilema. I wish to seek the order and structure of inner balance but I refuse to forget my place, duties, oath and desires to fullfill my title as a druid. I will seek out one of these masters and see if such a thing is possible. If not, then no loss was made for each step I have yet made has only helped me along. Especially in comming to terms with that it was my fears and falling out of inner balance that lead to my problems. To serve the nature you must not only know your place in it, but be strong enough of self to do so.
In closing, Zain's time grows very short, if my belief is to be true. Then his chance will have to come soon.
~Aerimor
-
Alatriel's house construction has been finished. Our given residence now is in the Port Hempstead fields. I have went to the neighbors who I spent so much time helping previously and told them if they need any help with crops or their animals, that I am always willing to help. As long as I am not away on adventure. I have also offered help if anyone is injured and needs immediate care, while I am not a healer, I will gladly channel the Al'noth to cure their wounds. I hope this continues to repair the damage I have done to the Druidic name. I also hope with the help of a Druid, that the crops will be more bountiful and thus less expantion into winlderness areas will be needed. And lastly, I think I appreciate this in and of itself. I may even have Ella start a garden.
Omer asked me to attend the Tower Academy first meeting of instructors. I was not excited about it, but went as a favor for Omer. The Tower either will be a school for arcane users of the Al'noth or it will be a school for users of the Al'noth. It seems the founding members are still in discussion. If its arcane only, then my involvment doe snto matter. But if it will include druidic magics, somehow I was the only one invited to represent druids. This is a sad thought given my past. I have no desire to teach, but I can not pass on an oppurtunity to offer balance to their school that would not otherwise exsist. For instance I was the only one that questioned wether creation and summoning of undead would be taught. It seems that their only objection to teaching it was that they are based in Hempstead where it is illegal. Yes they seriously need some balance to their views. I am very open for a Druid in my opinion, so I will pick my fights on the important issues, like enabling the creation of undead. I will make note to the druid cousel in time and confirm their approval of my intentions. I sent an application and my life will be easier if it is not accepted, but as I said, I can not pass this oppurtunity to offer balance that would not otherwise be represented.
I can not express the joy at having my forms unlocked. My Shifter powers for the first time are a truely welcome part of me. I welcome and use the powers I have, knowing that the forms are all me.
Lastly, I think it is time I press Marec for more techinques or excercises. The ones that he briefly showed me and were so dificult only months before are now easily performed. I will never make his path at this rate, but as I said it brings me pleasure to perfect even these things he considers mundane. I do think I would be willing to commit to intense training if i could find a teacher outside of a monestary.
~Aerimor
-
Well I have been puttign this off, but I had a heart to heart with Kalesh. You can't force a cat do do anything it doesn't want to. But i think I got my point across. I asked him to go do the things he has been putting off while adventuring with me, like passing his blood to the next generation of panthers. It would be a shame if he did not. But now that he has had a litter, I asked him to spend mroe time with them for the time being and just come play with me when he has time. We will see how well my friend listens. His kitties are a beautiful lot. We will see how it all works out. But I feel guilty about keeping him from his own life. I needed my friend through these last few years, but now its time we take care of his needs, or else I would not be as good of a friend to him as he always has been to me.
Ella and I are still having difficulties. I will write more later when I have the insight. // after the two month long time bubble ends// For now, i just know she has been hurt so much in the past two years, she had to inact a survival mechanism of sorts and stop carrign as much about as many.
I am in love with my forms, to think I almost let them be the end of me. Now I can not imagine a week where I do not put their powers to use. Granted they seem to be best for killing, but this is a violant world. There are many enemies of nature, many beings of chaos that would tear things down just to do so. I have recently taken up forays against Giants. The numbers they have is frightening.
I find the discipline and self realiance I have learned over these last two years to be extremly useful in battle. I believe the Druid Council had more wisdom then I ever considered at first. When they told me to learn the abilities of my natural self, to unlock its secrets and respect what it can do. They sent me off on this exploration of the inner Aerimor that I am so caught up with. It was with this self-enlightenment and physical appreciation that I have come to terms with what I was, appreciate what I am, and set goals for the future. I no do not fear what I could do, but look forward to what I can do. It was in seeking to perfect the me that is Aerimor, that I have come to embrace my Shifter powers. It was in balancing my self that I have ben able to pick up the mantle of druid and be an asset to the oaths and codes I believe in. In short this is a thanks to the wisdom I did no grasp at the time I was set in motion on this path.
And this is but one reason I would be willing to represent the Council concerns with the Tower Academy if they asked me. But after some self searching, I have decided that if they leave it to me alone. I will decline the offer presented by the Tower Academy. We must pick our battles and if I am fighting this one alone, I do not believe it the best use of my time and abilities. In anycase I have not yet met with Leaf Rainwater, for her to present the siutation to the Council and see if they have an opinion.
If I could just help Alatriel find her balance again, I think life everything would be well on track. Until then I will be at hand and not tell her what she wants to hear just to appease her. I will show my love by speaking out for her. But at current, with the way she reacts when I voice such opinions, I may have a lot of time to practice new exercises and do a lot of running through the woods. But she is worth every effort. I miss the old Ella, but I do not think she will be back any more than the old Aerimor. I just hope she finds her new more balanced self soon, I miss my friend. I tried to get her to practice meditations, to run or exercise, to plan and set goals. But she is not like me in that regard, she has no use for such structure. Alas a shame, it has got me throuogh my toughest times, surely it would help her as well.
~Aerimor
-
I have also started relearning the Cant I have forgottten. It's almost like startign over. Two years of not using something you just started to learn....well I have much to relearn. Ella is teachign me some, but for the most part she is not as willing to teach as she use to be. But I ran into Ben and her givign him lessons in Elven.
In short, I beleive Ben and I will trade lessons, as Ella is not very into teaching at the current. Unfortunatly Ben seems to think the best way for me to learn would be to go on a job or two with some of his contacts. I told him that unless it was against giants, gnolls, goblins or the like, I would not be willing to consider it. He thinks I am stuffy and assures me there are plenty of rich fops deserving to be seperated from their coin. Sadly, if that is the only way I will really learn, I will have to pass. Or hire out the contacts and tell them we are going to 'pull a job' in red lights or the like.
Sadly I would love to know the Dark Elven hand code. But only if those I was with understood it and if I could fidn a non-dark elf teacher. In short, as useful as it would be, I do not forsee it happening. So i need to redouble my efforts at this Can't. I see it as being trmendouly usful on adventures to keep from alerting whole troups of enemies of my or our presence.
~Aerimor
-
Well things have settled into a routine of sorts now. But I am not pleased by it. I do not stay in Ella's house for more than a couple days in a row. As many plants as she has put in it for me, and that fact so much of it is wooden, can not keep me from feeling out of touch with nature if I spend too much time in the dwelling. I will work on it for Ella, drawing my connection through the walls and feeling apart of the all, but for now, I spend many nights meditating and in reverie in the woods near Hempstead fields.
I have went to see the neighbors again and offered my help, some accept, some do not. But they all know I am here and willing to assist. Many remember me from the time around the trial when I poured myself into these fields.
I have had no word from Leaf Rainwalker or Timulty, so the issue of the Tower remains inert.
I already went to visit Kalesh, I did not let him know I was there until near the time I left. He was pleased to see me and looked well adjusted to a life where Giants to not crush him with clubs. Every time they did, it broke my heart. I am glad he has a better life for now. His kits are quite active and seemed to have gotten his better characteristics. The mothers is a good looking sleek panther as well, a good union.
With the silence between Ella and I, I have taken up longer runs and walks in the various forests, even Dregard. And many hours of meditation and reflection. I know she just needs time to find her balance, but for now thigs are strained as she is overcompinsating. She is trying too hard not to care or to be hurt. I know the Old Ella, the one that I thought of as naive, but always stole my breath away will never be back. But She has to learn to show love again, she has to care in some things and not beare for ever afraid to care. I understand she will never care for every hard luck case she meets again. But she has to be willing to live and die for something. I know she loves me, but she no longer makes me feel it. Now she is content just doing so and the hell with you if you don't get it or have doubts.
I am not sure I can help her either, I think the more I try the more she retreats to her shadows. I will stand by her and fight for her as my heart demands. I gave my heart to her long ago and it is still in love with her. But I have worries that things will never work out between us again after my failure. She still accepts my words, tokens and walks hand in hand. And occasionally I can pry smiles from her. But for now that is all there is. I hope its because she is too focused finding herself, but i fear it is just easier for her to not care more deeply, and thus I am only a sentimental attachment from the past. A teddy bear that has been outgrown. One you remember loving, remember sharing everything with, but simply outgrown and do not need to share your troubles with anymore.
I will be around for her, hopefully for always. Afterall she was the only person that came to visit me in my cell more than once. The one that kept visiting, the only one that gave me a line to the outside. Well that is not true, Kalesh came to the woods and let me know he was near, but it was seldom he could sneak close enough that i could see him. We both know the guards would of killed him on sight if he did not run at first glimpse. Sidetracked, point being, Ella has sentenced herself to a cell of sorts, and I will not stop being a line to the outside world for her. I hope she can find her line to walk and learn to express joy in life with more than gem cutting.
I love you always, Alatriel of the Shadows,
~Aerimor LIGHTbringer
P.S.: I hope that remains only curious conincidence, that I am not a light she now will always flee from.
-
Well I have learned to appreciate the meditation room Ella created for me. When I do meditate there, I can almost forget I am inside. There are elements of air, earth, fire and water. There is also pleasing sounds and smells, a vibrancy of life in that room. She did a remarkable job. I still would prefer more plants in the house, but at least there is a sanctuary for me inside the walls.
Zain appears to be coming around. I am trying to get to know him and have him know me, but its slow going. I also have to be careful about shape changing around him for now, it causes him distress. He mostly seems to be happy to have some simbulance of normality and seems to appreciate being in Hempstead fields. He still rarly leaves Ella's side, but he is becoming more confident. I have hope he will recover, even if he is a human living in a house of elves in the farm lands of humans. How very strange life can become....
With Zain's balancing, I have seen some subtle changes in Ella. She is able to show love and kindness to those she already cares about. I just do not know if and when she will be repaired enough to show such kindnesses to strangers or associates. I hope when she finds her balance again some of those views and acts will remain with her, but if she can find her way without them, I guess it will be enough. As long as she continues to love and care for those close to her, it might be enough. As she was, was unhealthy and would ultimatly of lead to a break in her, but now she at least has a release for such emotions again. And none more deserving than Zain.
How I would love to see the First put to rest and all of his victims be free of his taint. What a task for someone to fulfill. I think they'd have to kill or capture the alpha, take his blood and amke special enchantments for weapons. Discover the First's identity, location, place and time of creation and kill him there. I am sure there are special consideration in the fact he is the first and then saying it is so much easier then even starting it.
I continue my efforts to balance my self awakening and feeling my place in the weave of the world. To find inner strength and confidence, and not loose my ear to nature and my oaths as a druid. To respect and build myself as an individual and remain humble to my service of nature. It is a hard path, and one I may not bring to great fruition, but if it ended today and I found no path to follow forward, it has been more than worth the energies. I have a much greater understanding, belief and confidence in myself and with those fundimental strengths, I feel more in tuned to natures call and have no remaining fears of my shifter powers. I wonder now, if I unlock further my understanding of the world around me, if I will find greater inner secrets unlocked as well. And if I find a deeper awakening in my own being, if I will better see the energies of the world around me, and thus be better able to serve.
Musings, always a popular passtime.
~Aerimor
-
It has been a long time since I wrote in this journal. Was busy with life and never thought of it, until yesterday when I remembered how much I poured into it over the past. Well lets see if I cna updates things.
Ella is better and worse. I think she is enjoying life again. Especially with Zain and myself. But she admitted she went off with Steel and others to the deep to talk to a Shadow Dragon. Didn't tel me until it was done and I could not attempt to dissuade her. I found out in theory it was to get information or alliance to help against the dragon cult. If that is true, I can not say I wouldn't of gone. The dragon cult must be stopped. But the fact she wouldn't tell me before she left...but did now... I don't know. Guess I'll see if its a pattern of an incident. If it was but one time occurance, I am noone to judge. I am expected to forgive her and I will. She forgave me during my time of crisis afterall.
Zain, he grows so fast. It amazes me. Ella has taught him to use the short bow and he excells. As soon as he is a little larger (a year? two?) we will start him on the long bow. I have started training him in the short sword and rapier. Once agian in a year or two, we will try him with a long sword. I speak to him only in elven during our training, and he can understand intents. A many years to go before he can speka any passable elven I am afraid. His body grows faster than his elven. But he works hard on it and makes improvements.
Zain and I take many trips into the woods, forests, plains, and hills. We have made a couple trips into the mountians and swamps, but those are far more dangerous and I limit those. He is a natural for fauna and flora, he can almost name any plant or animal already. He steps much lighter then his human form would suggest. A few weeks ago I asked Zain if he the life he wanted to lead and asked him he wanted me to train him as a Ranger. I believe I could set him well on course and teach him that Ranger is not just a a fighter who lives in the woods. But a protector of plant an animal, friend of nature and force against undeath and abominations. Zain said it was his dream of dreams.
Since then we have increased our forays, weapon training, and encounters with those creatures that harm nature. I have taught him of his more common enemies, goblins, gnolls, giants. I have allowed him to assist with a bow while I broke up some camps of the frist two, that had overstayed their welcome in the forests. He did well in the face of conflict, even if I insisted it remain at bows range. I have taught him to care for animals and read their postures, movments and warnings for what they are. I have shown him the cruelties inflicted by woodsmen's traps and how an animal caught in one dies of infection or blood loss over days. I had him return one such unfortunate creature to cycle when we found it. then we hunted down all the other traps and destroyed them. Finally making a conforntation with the hunter who set them. I made it clear that if he did not find a more effective trap, that did not torture an animal to death, or learn to hunt with more conventional means, he would end up in one of his own iron toothed traps before weeks end.
I believe it important for Zain to see that force is needed, and a determination if one is to serve nature. Nature is beautiful and wonderous, but it is also cold and deadly. To off set the tone of that encounter we went to visit Kalesh and his kittens. They have shot up as well over the last few months. Zain was beside himself with the pleasure of wrestling and playing with the little ones, which Kalesh and his mate gave approval for. I think he formed a particularly strong bond with the one with a bit of a grey spot on its left ear. Yes Zain has potential, I could even see him going beyond the limited calling of a Ranger and becoming a Druid. Time will tell. For now I see him will matched for Ranger and beleive he has Ella's natural grace for stealth and shadows. If he followed in both our path would he be the first Shadow-Stalker?
As for myself. I am at an impasse in my personal trainings. I guess I am fine with that. I am happier and more centered for it. But I just can not help feeling that with training I could find a new level of tranquility and inner balance. And truth is, I feel commited to try my hand. The Druid Counsel member did all but tell me to find help outside of Druidic channels and find the my inner balance and my corner stone of strength for my years to come. I think he hopes I will rebuild, and remove all cracks from my foundation, tha ti may be counted upon and sent to where they could use my abilities in faith I could handle myself. And I so wish to prove myself to them, to show i was worthy of the second chane they afforded me. I believe it my duty to do as any member of the counsel says, for they are wise in yet ways I am not. I will look once more for a wandering master to help me learn to find my strongest foundation of soul and rebuild everything I know back upon it. If I could accomplish this, I believe my debt to the counsel would be paid in full. And then I could seek paths of my own chosing, find my own course again.
I have mastered new forms, and strengthed my magics. My favored new form is that of a dire tiger, ella is happy...I am kitty again.
Life is good, Zain is a wonder. And I love Ella more than I know how to express. I hope her secret was just an incident.
~Aerimor
P.S.: Zain has been helping me recover the humor I lost while imprisoned and grow it further. He says I am a real stiff at times. I see the humor in puns, but it is slow going on the other fronts.
Opehlia told me if I crossed paths with someone I did not like and they would not cease communications I am to say the following: If I wanted to hear from an Arse, I'd of farted. She says this is _funny_. I lack seeing how comparing someone that will not cease chatter to a fart is humorous, but I said I would try it out. Personally I think something along the lines of: Stop talking or I will try to fit my buckler into your mouth, is far more effective. And the image of a buckler in someones mouth... that has potential for humor.
-
Zain continues to grow straight and true. The pace at which he learns and develops is very remarkable. The Elven tounge still gives him difficulties, but that is becoming the only thing. Anything I teach him he absorbs. And he is beging to ask questions of greater magnitude, humans are very intriguing. I am becoming quite proud of this one. Zain is very quiet and reserved on the whole, but he also takes pleasure in helping me with becoming more humorable. I take well to the puns, naturally, it was my main stay of humour before my incaseration. With his suggestions Ihave opened them up to more mundane things and thus their apeal, so I am told. I have also taken to assinging personic qualities to objects and creatures which they do not approperatily coralate with. This i have begun to find out _can_ be amusing. I still do not grasp the humor of a 'knock knock' joke however. I fail to see why this brand of humor has any appeal. Orange you glad I did't say bannana? Yes i am, but why does that elict a chuckle?
Ella I still think of as a strong ship with a practiced crew lost at sea. She has everything she needs to succeed and accomplish her goals. Except just that, a goal. Her ship so to speak need to find her course again. I believe she is listless. I attempt to get her involved in things, anything. But she only seems interested in Zain, myself and the shadows. And at times she pulls away from me claiming to not want to listen to another senless lecture of why they system of law should be fixed or on how everything comes and goes in cycle. I think at some point we will end up with a real argument, it will be over something she still believes strongly in. I hope when that time comes wether it is with me or not, that she finds course and direction again. That she realizes its okay to feel for things again, new things. That she should care about just more than zain, gala and myself. But I hold true to my beliefs, balance will eventually find her again, and the cycle will turn. She will find something worth living and dying for. I do love her with all my heart. As a Sun Elf I did not set begin with any notion of marrying for love, but out of duty, tradition and respect. Now I am with one I love to such degrees that I do not ask her to marry. I kow that it is not what she wants, she prefers the unspecifically agreed upon comitment and bond. This is acceptable by me, I am very fortunate to be with her in an undocumented union of love and balance then to be in a marriage of unrealised balance and love. We are well matched, what she lacks in direction, I have in abundance. What I lack in impulse and free spirit, she more than possesses in quantity.
I wonder if my parents will ever accept her and thus me again. They are bound so much by tradition that they only see her blood line and not our hapiness and partnership. I still hold faith they will come to acceptance of Ella and I. I do not think they will ever come to aprove of their human grandchild however. At least not in his life time.
I have seen many new things and fought a great number of evils. Planar liches among them. My innate powers of the shifter continue to grow. No longer am I the frail elf that first came to Mistone. I continue to look inward and seek inner balance. To tap into the wisdom of the world around me and to see with new eyes. To feel for branches of my powers that as of yet have not been realised. Recently I do feel those branches of my abilities out there, some available to me, some just out of reach. As I realise what these branches represent I must determine where to apply my focus. For now, i will continue to take the safe path. I will do as instructed by the counsel and double my efforts to master my control on my powers. I will return my focus to the basics, so to speak. I will see if i can strengthen my powers on the forms I first learned to take. To know them in and out, to demonstrate to the counsel that I control my powers completly. And then, i hope, if time of need comes to be, they wil not hesitate on assigning me where I can help the most.
Some of the new paths i feel in my powers, while tempting, I believe would leave the wrong impression with the counsel. So for now at least I will pass them by. one such example being, after fighting so many, I believe i could take the form of a vampire. As with all my forms, it would be in body only, never again in mind. Think of the ways such a form could be put to use serving nature and balance. Namely, it would be immensly useful in destroying undead. I would be immune to their gazes, touches, and death magics. Maybe in the future, but for now as stated I will work on mastering what I already know. I think this would leave the most favorable impression with the counsel. And I am bound to fulfill their decreement and sentence upon me. I do believe trying to master the form of a dragon is well beyond me, so I will focus on the forms I was next able to assume. that of the Gargoyle, Harpy and Minotaur. Minotaur, the form that rose to the top that day the chaos with Jaelle broke out. Yes, i think this will be an approperiate place to restart and focus.
Now that I have a specific goal set, I will attempt to strengthen my powers, will and understanding of how the Al'noth flows through me. I will make a few treks in the comming months to places of peace and balance, places where communing with nature and opening my mind and powers will be easier.
Success or temporary set back, I will write again before too many moths pass.
~Aerimor
-
Took care of business today. I meant to take care of it for a while. I have signed Altariel as co-owner of the house. Apparently during construction since I filed the paperwork with the city the house was put into my name. I always meant for it to be in Ella's name. It was to be a house for Alatriel and Zain. In any case she is no listed as co-owner. I also distributed my will with the City of Hempstead, the correct offices in Voltrex and an Uncle there who I trust to not mention it unless it becomes relavent.
I will also leave one here for Alatriel and Zain to have compy of.
I, Aerimor Lightbringer, being of sound mind and body, do hereby declare the following as my last will and testiment, as dated on this day *day/month and year.*
It is my desire that my part of the house in Hempstead Fields in Alatriel and my name be turned over to Alatriel. In the event that this is not possible, then those rights will fall to Zain of Hempstead Fields. If he is unable to be located, then all rights are to fall to Verideth Lightbringer and then the rest of the Lightbringer line.
All materials, items, and coins found with my body, located in the Hempstead Fields or contianed within the Bank in my name of entitled by contract or debt to my name or personage is to likewise be transfered in the same order. Alatriel, Zain, Verideth and thenthe Lightbringer line. Any materials, items or physical objects located with my parents, brother or other family members are to become legal properties of those persons.
All fees, taxes and debted monies are to be taken from my bank account before distribution if they can be proved legal and unfraudulant.
If any unspecifically addressed questions, possesions, rights or previledges arrise they are to be also transfer in the same line: Alatriel, Zain, Verideth, the Lightbringer line.
Testiment:
Ella, my love for you does not deminish with the passing to cycle. We will find one another again. If not in the next incarnation than one soon after. If something has happened to me before these words are changed, then I know our souls have unconcluded interaction. And as long as that remains true, they will meet again. Thank you for being my partner and my balance in this life and even with my passing, life holds many joys and fulfillments for you. Do not squander them, every manifestation form cycle is given for your soul to grow in at least one specific manner. If you fail to learn what was meant, you will be returned in your next cycle to try again instead of ascending to the next personal growth.
Zain, my son. You have taught me many things. As mentioned to Ella everyone has spiritual goes to achieve in live. Mine may well of been to love unconditionally of race and form. To see the soul of the individual. That seems to be the repeating theme of my lessons. My path as a shifter, my fall to chaos and return to order, my love for your mother a non Sun Elf. An dof course my love and appreciation for you my human son. I do not knwo if we are destined to cross paths in another incarnation. But I hope that is the case. but if not, you have filled these last few years with surprise and unexpected joys. I hope I have been an acceptable father. For you have been a blessing as a child. I have learned at least as much from you as I have tought to you. I beleive that is a rare thing. Look after your mother, protect the balance and love nature always. You are a rare person and have much to accomplish.
Verideth my brother, know I went to cycle fulfilled and without chains upon me. I fulfilled my debts as prescribed by the counsel. I found my way as a Shifter and look forward to my challenges in his life and the next. I wish you and Lawl happiness, and hope Father comes around before he allows too many decades to pass. Live with my love and serve nature always.
Kalesh my oldest friend, i know you can not read and words hold less meaning to you then the voice speaking them. I however owe you a goodbye. It pleases me you have your own family and offspring. That your blood is given to the next generation. Thank you my friend and may we see each other again in another incarnation. If I am to be your companion, I would fulfilled and honored. May I be half as faithful and important as you have been to me.
*current date*
~Aerimor Lightbringer
Husband and partner of Alatriel of the Shadows.
Father of Zain, Protector of Balance
Brother of Verideth the Druid
Leaf of the Great Oak
Shifter