The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Lance Stargazer on February 07, 2009, 02:54:55 PM
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**The notebook is bound in blue dyied leather with a strange family crest over his surface, and the capitals ACS is seen in gold at the bottom right corner of the book in golden *
*the first page of the book holds the image made in colors of what seems to be three figures. The first is drew in blue with blonde heair, tho the left is there another a bit shorter than the first with exagerated features like pointed ears and an auburn long hair dressed almos tin the same colors as the first figure, and in the middle a smaller draw also drew in blue with blonde hair, In the back the image of a house and the fields as some words are written over the figures.*
(http://forums.layonara.com/photopost/data/500/Argos_family.jpg)
The draw seems to have some years from now, but the book is clean an ordered written, well the best it could be done by a boy, and teenager, As the first pages goes a lot of things can be read about, not like a journal but like chores or rammblings, some in elven, some in Common *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen :
*he looks oddly at the header*
ha.. Well I suppose that if Dad does it that way must be elegant of something.
*he then continues on his writting*
Well, I have decided to see what is so wondeful in writting things on a book, Mom likes a lot the books, she has a very strange one I saw once when she was asleept or meditating or whatever she does. It has a lot of pretty pictures. And a lot of things I don't understand.
Dad and mom lives happily... *he writtes at last *
*pondering over the almost blank page he frowns* This is hard *he says *
-How is that they manage to writte so much . *he shrugs at the frustration *
*tired and with a blank expression he just close the book, tugs it under the bed and jumps down the bed *
I'll better going to play with Jurn.
*he runs out the room, under the inquisitive look of Keira, the lady who is in charge of taking care of him, she looks at the door then start to count, after 10 seconds the boy goes back into the room looking deseperately for something, The lady looks at him with measuring look and finally the boy notices her looking at him, with a smile Keria points behind the door, the boy sight got iluminates as he reach for the wooden toy greatsword behind it, as he reaches for it, and "sheathes" it on the imaginary sheath over his back he runs again out the room, this time the lady stands as well and with calmed expression she follows him out the room and out the house towards the house of the Tempest *
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From Argos Stargazer quill and pen :
*Over his room the diary is over the floor opened alongside the wooden sword, the boy is laying over his bed sleeping tiredly with a smile, the mark of a hit and prominent bruise over his left eye makes it very clear the reasons why the boy was so tired, behind him has pased the years of sickness after the attack on Mariner's hold and the flood. also behind the days of suffering in the halls of the Toranite temple who served him to recover, all that matters to him now is what can be seen around, a warm home in not the friendly of places, two people who are in charge of him, his father and his mother, the uprising of all kind of conflicts they have, but alse the inmense love they show to themselves and to him.
After living all this , the boy does lays happily not even noticing all this *
mmm.. What can I say, I am getting it, Lance kept me working all day, why he does not allow me to play simply, he said that in training i will find the skill to defend myself, he is way to skillfull as I have seen, but he does not teach me to fight, nor anything , I just stand there moving the sword up and down ... nonsense if you ask me.
Then my mom and his books again, she say its good to know, and that in knowledge I'll understand a lot of things, She started to spoke me of what she does to live, recording things, I guess that is why she has too many books, maps and diaries.
I wonder what happened to uncle Marcus, I want to go and play with sons again, Miss Jill uses to be very nice to me, as well, But well there is no comparison with the pies of Miss Tegan, Jurn is really fortunate in that, All the pie he wants, and at the moment he wants it, At least that is what he was saying, I just wonder how much pie he eats dialy ?
Dad is again, he left this night after the training was done, I'll miss him, no matter he put me to work as creazy, Mom said he had something to do with his duties, I wonder why he left so much time, why he cannot be here all time like other parents does, Mom also travels a lot, but she is here often, I love how her reads me stories and life of great people, she is way too patient, at least that is what people says. She and dad has some trips together as well, I have asked them to take me along one day
Oem Veewlalala!!!... I asked them to take me to that city Audilee o Audiria, they frowned at me, for a moment I tought i was in problem, but Dad put me to do extra training, and promised that he took me when time comes. Anyway, I'll ask them tomorrow again..
That place uncle Marcus spoke, seems to be a nice place, also they said the beach is conforing, and I never been on a beach.
*After this an unordered ramblings written in no intelegible order as the handwritten seems to start losing strenght*
Jurn ela il oeec, ira lailew anirilan ira nyill myl oillaanam anirill sa... E'cc anailnyir ires....E'cc anail...
*Finally the mid age woman observing the scene picks the book and reads it, observing the boy sleeping she smiles as he yawns as well , closing the book puting over a small desk in the room, and hangoing the woden sword over the rack in the wall, with silent movements she blows a candle leaving the room in complete darkness and closing the door *
Sleep well young Argos, sleep well now that you can .. - Keira says as he leaves the boy to his sleep, heading herself to her bed as well -
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen
*The silence around the house reigned that night, as the young boy is seen sat over the desk reading what he has just finished to writte *
I don't understand.. . and i don't like it.
Strange things happens here at home, It happened again, Mom and Dad have troubles again, I can't help but to get worried.
It happened again, Mom come to the other day and was so confused, it pains me to see her that way, I love to see her smiling, and when she and Dad take me on stroll and to eat pie, she smiles a lot, but sometimes this happens, she come back home alone, with no smile at all, and seems distracted, so shocked, it's during that times that she prays and meditates a lot, I guess she is fine, I asked her and why would she lie to me, Nor she nor dad lies,
I have finally asked her, what is wrong with her, I wonder that she might be sick, there is no other explanation, I came to her with her favorite book and a piece of pie, and spent some time with her in the studio, I sang her that song that Dad loves, that one about a knight and honor, that seemed to have helped to improve her mood, she blushed a bit and a slight smile crossed her face, then I asked her if she was sick.. I don't want to her to be sick. her features changed a bit and she pull me near her and hugged me tighly almost whispering to me :
" I am fine, dear heart, you are so kind to get worry, but there is nothing wrong with me, I am just asking for understanding and patience, bur with you here what could harm me, no?"
Anyway. Dad usually does not come home in some time after this situation gets fixed, Still mom steps for him saying that he has duties to attend, She is a bit sad when she says that usually after times like this one.
Keira says that I shoild let they handle their own problems , but how can i do such thing, they are my parents and i love them..
I just don't understand .. Well * a smiley face is drawn upon the sheet * As long as she is fine, i would not get worried.
I need to protect Mom from Dad?
AS.
*As the boy finishes reading he closes the book and adjust the small and new added brooch it has and tugs it behind the bed, then runs of as he hears the palyful tune of a guitar coming near the window of his room*
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From Argos Stargazer quill and pen
*Argos looks so confused observing the scene, As his parents are resting together in the reception room, his mother was holding the knight as he rest with a smile, her face shows the smile she lacked for the last days, like if they both were really enjoying the moment, he hessitates to come closer, and finally decides to leave them alone walking towards his room, the laugh of her mother can be fill the house, as hours pass.
The boy sits himself on his desk putting away a small wooden shield, and opening his journal from down his bed *
Well. Dad is finally home, I am really confused now, mother is other person than some days ago, She was with the same attitude until three days ago, she came back from a trip to Mistone, and when she returned she was her usual self, quiet yet smiling, and kind, We have resumed the elven lessons, That is good in a way, it gives me chance to spend time with her, She is so lonely sometimes, with only his books and all, I guess that is why dad brought all those shelves full of books and maps some years ago, as a gift he said, Mom spends lots of time there.
But i really don't get why this change, I have seen this before, Jurn says that Miss Tegan usually gives bad times to Mister Sall when he does something ... er... Sall way in his words, I really don't get what could that mean, but he was trying to say that every parents has problems, Only the gods could know really, With Ell and Lance, seems to be real hard sometimes, and then after few days all is back to normal, I must not be complaining, usually after this mom is happy and does not take much atention if i don't do the right exercice on my morning training, the eyelash trick works wonderfully * a small grin apears on his face then he keeps writting * Dad on the otherwise seems to be upset when I try that on him, he speak highly of duty, and because of that sometimes i feel bad to try to get away of things. I guess he only wish the best for me, yet, he barely know me, how could he know what is best for me?, It's still time I have not being sent to that campment in Audira that was promised to me. he says he does not lie, and he has acted true to his word all the time, not to say that Ell would surely pusnish me if I would say That father would lie to me.
About the training is going well, Dad has started to teach me some new tricks, sword and shield use as he fights, he knows a lot of war and strategy, at first I did not want to stop training with the greatsword, But then he started to say the uses of each weapon, Being the great sword a infantry weapon used to break pikes, and set behind the lines to recieves charges, he was explaining me that formation, and well after that, i understand that it's true that one must know all the places in order to work efficiently as a team. he gave me a Wooden sword and a shield .
I have started to train with those, I must say that it's hard, because now i have to be thinking of two movements, but in the end it will be good, if I learn to fight as he does. Mom fights that way anyway. So it must have it's uses.
This morning I spoke with dad about mother, he seemed a bit shocked on the question, he said that he is a knight and that he is under a vow, wich is sacred to him, And that Mother know of this code of conduct, he spoke me of Toran, and he tried to explain me his duties, I must say that he is always caring for people, what worries me is why he puts everyone else first than mom, he tries his best to help, then why he makes Ell suffer ?
*the boy frowns as he keeps writting* I don't get it.. I simply don't .. but mom need someone to watch for her, and i'll be that one then, Dad brought her a some blue roses to her, after that she has been gigling all day, but will he harm her again. Is this part of the love ?
If that is so I don't want to fall in love.
Anyway... Dad is good to her, most of the time, and I must not complain on him, he does what he needs to do.. that is what mom says, but there is some hollow sense in her voice as she says it.
*the boy applies some sand over the wet ink to help it to get dry, and hurries to put the book back of his bed with a hasty movement as he hears steps and laughs coming his room way, he stands and run towards the door only to see his parents walking hand by hand in travel robes, they smile and call for him, the knight and the lady smiling to him, for a moment all his doubts disipate as the three of them leaves for a picnic on the lake *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen :
*The sunny day al alongside the Prantz field, the young boy is seen walking at the streets simulating a patrol on the city, watching from behind a human lady is watching him carefully, studying around for the happenings on the city *
Well what can I write about it I finally see Audira with my eyes, the place was rather ... er... sandy.. yes that would describe it quite well, I was hoping to finally see that Az'zattan temple, Uncle Marcus spoke once of a bautiful lady in there, I was so excited to see her, Well , after all Since Anya is always speaking on how Jurn features are so cute and adorable .. I wonder what does she sees on him.. I think I have to work harder on that, Mom says that I am a handsome little one, but what can I say, that she might be biased, Well, I guess only time will tell, Anyway who needs a girl in his life?, Well Dad and Mom are always in trouble, and in my view that does not make any sense, Keira still speaks of how things are not as simple beetwen them.. but I see it quite and simple, Dad harms mom, Mom got sad, and dad does as well, Anyway.. I don't know what to think on the situation really..
Oh true.. the trip to Audira.
Lance ( Remark to himself : Dad ) came home saying that we were going towards Audira to see a carnival, I was so excited, A shame mom did not come with us, it has been a while since we got out just the three of us ( Remark : Maybe not a shame, but a planned movement ). Well the trip to Audira was calm but for a small incursion of Giants we got thru desert, I finally could see why dad insist so badly with the shield, I saw how he figthed them and how he was sending the blows off and using some techniques he has not teached me, As he explained later, he used the strenght of his oponent to his advantage, alloing him to strike and then hitting with the shield to make them lost equilibrium.
Audira was filled with people, As I understand it was to be an execution there, a man who made a lot of things to people, and finally got caught. Dad was with me the most part of the day. Then he said he was going to see something about the prisioner. he started to explain me, about Mercy, he seems to be fond speaking of that, But his attitudes sometimes are not like that, he is way too strict, but he keeps saying that evil per se, exist, but most of it came because nobody gave a caring hand to the so called evil. That way of thinking i like, means that if you help people they will eventually turn good, he said that not enterely, but at least a chance of redemption must be given.
Well, when he was moving towards the gathering i stayed in the temple, I was speaking with the Main priestess of the temple ( a Dark elf per se ), she was explaining me how the temple works, eventually i met some people on the temple, but they were too busy with chores, when it started, I was outside helping with some blankets, when A big blow happened near the beach.
It happened too fast i did not react in time as some debris fell upon me, thank goodness i was near a tent which recieved most of the impact, but i ended bleeding on the floor, I must say that I was so scared, People was running all around, and I saw a body laid near me... I cannot even write the feelings i had on that moment, I was so scared, Mom usually is there to protect me and help me, but in that very moment i was alone, Nor dad nor mom near there and that person there in need of help. I was so shocked on the impression, when i saw Dad running near the temple, he was carrying a man also wounded , Dad was wounded as well, but he was putting all his effort into bringing that man into security. I feel ashamed. he shows no fear nor doubt, and I was just there sitting meanwhile people where on the floor even unable to move, I overcame the fear with shame, and gattering all in my mind i stand to move to help the man in the floor, Mom has teached me the basics of healing and i just like to think that served to save that man's life, As I started to clean up the wounds a young initiate spot me, and came to my help, when she came to our help, we finally got the man into the sanctorum of the temple, It was until very late that I found that this girl who helped me was really pretty, I must say that being with her made a bit easier the task of helping around. I so wanted to see Lyna again.. Oh yes Jornal, her name is Lyna or at least that is how she said she like to be called.
Hours past fast as more wounded came into the temple I saw Dad running alongside the town a couple of times.
When we finally got together, he was like never before I have seen him, he came to me and checked me for wounds, he was bleeding and walking oddly, he said he was dazed and that he cannot hear me well enough, but fine enough. I asked him what happened, he said that the man that was about to be executed escaped putting in peril a lot of people, he said that that is the proof of true evil exist. yet, Mercy can be a tool for the evil to gain trust and win over the inocent, he said that he was using some kind of magic to blow things over the city.
We spend some hours there as we waited for the next caravan home, yes Diary.. exactly what it means, it means i would not stayed in the temple, it seems that the priestess said that I will stay when Mom AND Dad will take me to the temple, yet i don't know what to think on the situation, Mom does not be quite fond on the idea of me leaving home, she worries too much, but i am strong and she sometimes does not see that, She cannot be with me all the time, and this trip proves it. yet, In this trip i understand as well how much i need her sometimes.
The way home was eventless, when we arrived and mom saw us, she dropped the vials she was holding and ran into us, she was mostly concerned upon dad wounds and state, Dad was looking at her with a smile, not even caring for she frowning at him and her complaining about his lack of self preservation.
I must say I almost enjoyed that Dad was calling all her atention. Dad stayed home after this, in bed and mom were attending us with bandages and curative salves. I don't know but in the very deep i think she like to see dad that way, they seemed in real good mood as he was in home, Dad singed to her that old song he sings for her almost dialy.
yet this trip has been quite enligthening, I was wondering why would that man truly wanted, was that escape attempt a desperate calling for help, Does really mercy has just a tool of the wicked and evil? , I don't think so, Whar would I do on his place? what would dad do on his place or Mom? Nobody wants to die, i think.. yet all those people and some of them dead by his plot, it puts me to think.. Is that a mockery towards the az'zattans I think, Would that man know that with the az'zattans there would be a better chance of him to be able to escape.
Even yet I think that now he has proven himself to not be truly repent, Does that man even reach salvation or redemption?, The high priestess said that it could be, but one must weight the chances of his salvation towards the intents, Redemption goes far beyond words, it must be measured on deeds as well as words.
At least now that I am healed of this experience, I feel a bit more grown, and I see dad in a diferent scope now, that is what to be a knight means , to help others without losing the sight of what defines oneself, Even at the cost of your own ?
If that is so, Then I have misjudged some of his attitudes, yet that does not give him the right to harm mom, nor to be like he is with her. I am healed now and my vigilance stands, I just wonder. ..
Argos Cilinya Stargazer.
* The lady finishes to read the lines and observes the boy with a renewed look as he mets with Jurn near the lake, she then closes the book as they start to wrestle and they both fall into the lake, she runs to help them got out the boys between yells and laughs *
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From Argos Stargazer, quill and pen:
*The young boy is carring some oils and pelts as he acomodates the finished goods at home, he looks around with a sight as he sees Anya pass in front of his house heading towards the tempest home, he shakes his head then returns to the duty of acomodation , once that deed done, he goes towards his room passing to say goodnight to his father, Lance Stargazer, the so called knight of Balance lays on the reception room sitting nervous looking at the door with concern on his eyes he gives a quick look towards a cart made of roses that lays near the place, noticing Argos , the knight smiles a bit and give his son the good night, and a good job words, The boy moves towards his room closing it with caution, he gets his journal off his bed and opens it as he sits *
Well... he is here at home..
This feels just odd, you know.. I expected him to come and left in few days, yet he has stayed here for two weeks and half now, Dad is with us, or with me I must say.. This feels odd, he brought that cart of Flowers but since he is here , Mom has not been around a lot, I saw her in the very same state that she is when she is harmed, I even saw what i tought to be a tear when she was distracted observing the said cart, that is strange, She does not cry, I haven's seen the day she cries, I must have be mistaken, The fact is that she has not been here a lot on this two weeks, I have spoken to her, and she said that she has duties to attend eslewhere, that i must stay and learn all I could from Dad.
I miss her.
On the other hands have been real enlightening this weeks, I finally Am learning what does Dad for living ( other than being a knight, of course ). he Is a tailor of some skill, I have been helping him to do things, common things if you want it, but he said that those blankets would serve to any person who might need it, he looks a bit sad to be here, I have seen him speaking about his duty and the war in Mistone as he sleeps, yet why he has so hurry to leave, and if he wants to leave what is keeping him here.
I met one of his friends, or at least he said he was his friend, it was a halfing that said his name was Tod, he came and greet Lance ( Remark : Dad ) as a comrade, and Dad well just answered him in his courtly and polite way, As Dad was busy with some pelts I used the chance to learn form this friend of him, I asked why Dad is not here so often, what is so wonderful out there to make him want to stay out, he was shocked on the question, he said that Dad spoke a lot of us, that he was doing the fight to prevent that war to arrive home, I just don't think that war is really happening, I think that is just a excuse dad gives for staying out home.
Tod was a bit angry at some of my toughts. he said that I would have been thankful to have Lance as my father, that has procured a home for us, instead to leaving out to our luck, yet I think mom does a lot of that, she is always here with me to look for me, and she even cares for dad when he comes home bruised and wounded. In a way I think there is more behind Dad that what the eye met, Why this little halfing as has expresed not being on his guild nor his church speak highly of him, Is this a prepatation from him ,
Tod said that he knew Mom as well, and that Miss Ell, she calls her and Dad, had been together a long time before they actually got together, I wonder how they managed to be like this.
I'll ask mom how she and dad met, that is if she ever returns to live with us, Dad said that he will be home for a month, I wonder what will hapen once that month is over.
I must get to sleep, tomorrow's training would be hard to achieve and yet Iam so sure Dad has more work at the table for tomorrow.
*with a yawn, he lets the ink dry and puts sand over the page, closing the book and tugging below the pillow as he lays down to rest, That very knight he dreamt of the himself ataired as a knight, fighting a giant Jurn for the safety of a Anya in distress, he woke up in middle of the night after the nightmare, and was unable to sleep again that night *
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From Argos quill and pen .-
* The boy room sat on a small room in a bunk bed, laying with eyes open observing at the decorative roof, the journal lays in his belly open as a small candle scares the darkness on the place *
Well, finally I am here . Dad and mom finally brought me here, I am happy and sorry to even doubt of them, This is far more diferent Than I ever tought it will be, I feel peace in here, A peace I had not felt long ago.
My first month here and I am still getting used to this. It's totally strange. I feel real strange. Well, The mother of mercy teachings are trully fullfilling, yet I feel strange here. I don't know what to think.
They gave me extra shores when I retook my training exercices with the sword and shield, they instead put me to paint some fences, and to clean floors, They say that there is a teaching there and that a sword would harm more than it saves, The priestess almost fainted when i told her I prefered the greatsword. Anyhow I am so happy to be able to help people, Today I helped to save a man life, This man came in a caravan, and was attacked by giants. he barely survived as he arrived at the temple.
That was a good thing.
Mom and Dad stayed here from a week after they reached for me, I have never seen Dad like that, he was with a absent look on his face, like here but not here. And mom went inside with me to look at the instalations. They were together and went to see me everyday before they leave, I already miss them, I miss home, yet I have duties to attend, I wonder if that is how dad feels when he stays away from home.
I don't know what to think, I already sent a letter to them, yet no answer has reached me as well , I wonder what would be Jurn doing, Surely he and Anya must be having the time of their lives withot me to bother them.
I must stop thinking those things. I wanted to be here in first place, no?
And I must take it seriously, otherwise I would not be able to learn if I got distracted.
ACS.
*The night wind blows over the window as a nice breeze starts to fill the town extingishing the small candle light, and the silence reigns over the night*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen.
*the young man walks attired fully in his red tunic as he helps the priests with the healing his eyes reflect the long nights he had trobles to sleep, as the night comed down to Audira, the silence fills the temple when everyone take time to sleep. Everyone except the Argos
The young man goes out of the temple in the night. carrying his book and a walking staff. he sits near a torch in the beach listening to the sea and feeling the breeze on his face*
Peace.. All here is peace ...
As for my training continues, It is coming to fruction , Now I know the difference amoung the salves and the reagents for healing and the ones to kill pain, soon at this rate I'll be able to do curations over with the same skill Mom does. My body is getting stronger as the moons come and go.
A year has passed, and finally I'd be able to go home to see Mom and Dad, if he perchance is at home at this moments, I'd wish to see her so much. This year has been enlightening. In a way I felt guilt to a lot of things I have said on dad, The peace of this place, the teachings of the mother of mercy, all came to make me undersand a lot of things.
Toran is a force to be reckoned on the realms, his ways are not the most easier, but what noble deed is easier, they impose a lot of restrains to themselves in order to be better.
And what I can say of the wise god, he recognizes the power of redemption, and forgiveness, acording to stories he found the forgiveness, for the lost of the Llama long time ago. I wonder sometimes why they can't see each other in good terms.
Lance is a good man, I finally understand that I had no right to judge him, he was yelling for help. I remember those stories about his past, About how it came to name me. his choices. And to prove that he loves mom, I just wonder how hard was for him all those years protecting mom, and for mom not being able to "bless" him. Not an easy situation I must say. I can't help but to think what would have I done on their place.
I am so blessed, I wonder if this was a signal, I am to carry his burden of his shoulder, Argos Dragonbane he said, he said that he would give me his true last name, but why would he still think that. Mom said he is a good man, and that he would never commit an evil deed on purpose. Lance Dragonbane, the son of the tyrant. And Lance Stargazer the knight of balance. Who my father is? That is an easy choice, he has lived with that burden for too much, And I will relase of it with my mistress help. So I pick the name of my father, the true one, I don't care if blood says otherwise, I am a Stargazer, as his soul has become that instead of the son of a tyrant. And I am proud of those deeds.
His eternal search for redemption, With me it comes to and end. In Az'zattan mercy and Toran's ligth that he finds so alluring may he find peace.
Argos Cilinya Stargazer .
*after some hours passed and the young man lays himself in the sand, he can't help but to fall aslept with a reasuring smie*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen.
*The young man is seen gathering his things. as a young woman observes him from the door leaning on the door, they look at each other, from time to time, they say that sometimes there are looks that could speak more than ten thousand words, they smile a final time just before the girl leaves with a sad smile *
It's almost time. I must go out to see the world, It's not that I don't enjoy this place, but this is not about the enjoying, this is about salvation, and the gifts I have been given would be of better use on the outside. Word has reached me from home, Seems that Anya got married, well good for her I hope.
It has been sometime since I have been on the outside, and the time for my ordering will be soon, I simply can't phantom all that is in my life now, I feel the teachings on myself, I long for helping, yet I've sacrificed a lot in order to become what i am now. I wonder if this is part of my own enlightment , of my own Redemption.
Dad trained me to be a knight. That is what he said, yet I feel that in this disapointment I gave to him , its something we must undertake for his own redemption. I have to see the world. I am setting off to travel tomorrow in the morning, just the day after my ordeal, A trip of enlightment.
Mercy to all , love for all existing life. A noble tennants per se. I wonder where my path will take me, I feel good thinking on how to use the power that has been granted to me, yet I still feel this urge to fight evil, It's this rage that polutes my soul, And that I have been learning to control to soothe with the calming hand of the Redemtress.
I Sent a word to Keira to bury my old things. The very reasons and the life I had before comming here. I need to pray. There should be not a place for doubts now.. Otherwise my very soul is at Stake.
*Argos finally finishes to set his things together and start to pray deeply in meditation as if the tears would cleanse the guilt he feels*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen. - Of the true nature of the men
*Argos lays down sleeping tired with a restless sleep, his room in the temple is messy, and unordened. The hands of the boy with marks of punishment, self inflicted at most , as the journal lays down behind a chair, like if it was thrown away *
Why ? Why ? It has to come this way.
You are weak Argos. . so weak... so soon to the goal and not able to fullfill it. I failed and fell to temptation, what kind of man am I ?
My troubled soul yells in pain and the same time i don't repent on my acts. What happened there was simply not fair, and by my actions I may save lives. But at what cost. I tried... i really tried.. But maybe i am unworthy. Mom, have i failed you ? or would you be proud of your son after this failure
It happened earlier, we were returning from North Fort in a peregrinage for helping the sick, when our caravan got attacked, the caravan guard got on the task, but the bandit force was one to be reckoinded. they waited and prepared a good ambush. using the sand to cover they hide caltrops and other traps amoung the sand, so the camels could not escape. They forced the attack from the sides, aiming for the goods. The attack was so chaotic, as the fire started to rain upon us.
I can't restrain myself, I jumped to help to defend the goods. As i saw i started to dispense heling beverages to the guards when I heard a yell on the rear, I ran to see what was happening as i saw Calim, one of the guards whom i have been befriending in audira, was figthing with a bandit, the bandit had already blind him throwing sand at his eyes , I ran to help but my training was not enough, I jumped aiming for the arm that held the sword trying to disable the bandit, but he saw my movement and with a swift movement he raised the stroke towards Calim as he turn arond to block my movement hitting me on the face with the shield. Calim hitted him in the shoulder,but with the same movement the bandit disarmed him and threw him away.
When i got myself recovered, I could saw the whole scene as the bandit was hitting Calim and he was only able to use the shield to defend. I saw a girl hidding under some mantles, the fear on her eyes, and I could not hold more. As The bandit continued to strike down Calim, I... I took the blade with my hands, the grip of it easily fit as in my younger years, and I ran towards the bandit, It was too late, I don't know if Calim did that on purpose but as the bandit stroke him , his wood shield shatered on the damage done and the fire it had helded, leaving the bandit guard low. I stroke him from behind, just wher dad told me.... I am sure that it was because the great effort Calim put against him I was able to defeat the bandit. After the cold gaze of the bandit went to the sword then to me. the time stoped for a moment. As the actions I have commited were drifting on my mind, Once I got back on myself. I threw the blade to the floor, and look at my hands now taited in blood, I look back at the camp as the guards leading by the caravan master started the retaliation of the offensive. I came running to check on Calim. My fears became true he was beyond any healing save , he laid there with the cold embrace of death on his eyes.
I picked the potions to continue the healing, but was stopped as the girl and her mother threw me a thankful look, In this act, I might have saved their lives, but at what cost ? My soul ? My very foundation ?
As we were regrouping and counting our deads. I felt the look of all my brothers, They would not be looking at me with anger, nor repression but pity, that is even worse than any hate, and I fully understand their way of action. I betrayed the beliefs, And myself .. but what would have Az'atta do?
What would be my father do?. And was not the sacrifice of Calim enough to be mourned over, It could have been me, and then those two, the child and the mother.
My hands ... I have punished for the acts of my soul .
What should I do? Someone .... Answer me ?
DID I DID WRONG ?
Argos Cillnya Stargazer.
* The wind blows calmed over the city, a tense peace can be heard as Calim grave is erected on the temple grounds *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Searching the truth.
*The night fell upon the desertic city of Audira, the moons high as the hour pass. There is almost no movement apart for the the merchants finishing the last details for the trip in the morning, it seems to be a regular night in there, until the pale light of the moons finds a man walking with his traveler clothes and his pack on his back, ataired in a simple tunic, scarf and hood, walks with decidide step over the sand towards the docks, his sight hide in the hood would only show to the one who could see it a mixure of determination, and confusion, the will to do the things, yet not totally sure to what to do, as he continues he is seen getting lost in the docks *
And it has come to this .
I am unable to keep going, i cannot stand myself in there, All the looks, and the voices, All the teachings yelling me that I am tainted, I need to go away form here, to find who Am I really.
This is not the time to go back, I came here as a boy, but now i start my travel to become a man, and to know what kind of man I am. Today a part of me died, Mostly it started the agony the day Calim died, that still troubles my soul, and yet I feel proud of it. That is why i need to leave, My mistress forgive me for not being worthy of your mercy, yet In your wisdom you might have show me the way, Maybe this was not my fate, and I can help the world other way. Or maybe I am wrong and in time I'll come back, But that i need to find by myself.
Ell and Lance, they did everything in their power to suistain me all this year, i have lived my life depending on them and giving them worries , That won't be that way anymore. I am sorry. I failed you two as well , since you both put my hopes in this, and yet i failed to your expectations, you'll know about me when I am ready to see you.
For the meantime , you mi journal would be the only one who knows where my trips will take me. Away is the first step. Today would be living and leaving.
Tomorrow.. Well ... we'll see.
Argos Cilnya Stargazer .
*Without the boy to know, a pair of eyes was set upon his departure, A young girl that has been observing him during all his stay, she stands there motionless, she had seen the man for long nights. and now this would be the last time she saw it waliking out the temple, a single tear apearing in her cheek*
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From Argos Stargazer quill and pen .- A letter home
*A closed envelope comes to the Haft lake district home where Lance and Ell have his home, the house seems empty or at least silent now, as if there are something that might be absent. Keira has stayed not desiring to leave the couple, even if there was a long time than her services are not needed, She recieves the letter but as she reads the remitent, she decides to store it for the parents to read *
Dear Mom:
Maybe by now you already know. But i have left Audira, looking for my own self. It turned that I was not ready for taking the test of faith i was so in need to get, and in this I have failed you, and Dad. I am sending this for you to know that I am fine, Alive at least.
I have to let you know how thankful I am for all the things you both has done for me this far, and yet in exchange I paid you with failure, I am heading towards The gods knows where. Please don't be worried about me. And don't look for me, If i fail in the life i have chosen, then it would have been my fate, to know that i was not cut for the life I decided to persue.
Rest asured that I keep you both on my heart as every step I take, I think of you and its not my intent to worry you, yet I can understand now a lot of things about you two, and I must say that you did a wonderful work, you were the ideal parents, and you got away your diferences by the love you have for the world , I am so proud to be your son, yet I cannot live under your shadow always, I must make yourselves proud of me as well, that is the least you both deserve.
Saying this I bid you my farewell, not forever, just for a time, I'll come back to you when I am ready to do so, when I am able to look at you at the eyes and feel like i am doing good enough to your eyes.
With Love your son ...
Argos Stargazer.
*the letter is sealed with wax made in hasty way and coming from Vanavar lands*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Living the life, the way of those who fail.
*A large group of wagons are seen stationed over the port, the caravan master yelling orders as the ones putting the goods on the caravan, in a tent a silent man with weary look cleans off a second hand long sword ahd a shield, the light of a candle lighten his corner where the rest of some second hand vegetables stands unfinished *
Well, I am still alive. that is a achievement per se.
I've found myself the way to continue on this trip, I've joined this caravan serving as guard for them to allow me to travel with them, at least I got food and drink for free, until now I've achieved to keep a low profile traveling on this islands, I must say that I've seen a lot of intesting things, I was able to get a second hand sword and shield for helping me to continue on.
The guards around the caravan they are dedicated man, yet some of them I'd better would don't get them quite near me, some of them are simple men, people who has been mistreated by life leading them in and endless stairdown of despair, not that it allows them to act the way they do, some of them are brutish. I even had to stood up against one when he tried to hit a wench in the bar, I got beaten instead of her, but at least she is safe, yet I hoped that I could have done more for her, I must look over me as well on this day, I now see what I've missed in home and what that friend of dad told me once, tod was his name if i remember well, the lacks, and how is that Mom and dad always had all covered at home. Yet beggars can't be petitioners the adage says, so I stay on this road.
Taking this sword again, It still feels odd, yet comformtably familiar, And the shield training that dad gave me, I start to see the real advantages of this style, I am relearning the old tricks of the trade, mostly obvserving the other guards. It would be hard to compete with them at this moment, Discipline would win the day dad said.
To think in the time I've spent on this life, Three months had passed since i left Audira, and all the life I knew, And yet the trip is far from over, It's a new start, like a renewal, and yet I feel this hollow, this desire burning on my heart, this impulse of Writting them to say them I am fine, But what would that acomplish. I'd only prove with that that I am not man enough to face the concecences of my own actions, that is not what I want. I don't want to be a burden for them anymore. yet I know that If i come back they will recieve me with open arms, then I if only doing that I'd prove myself of not being worthy of the love they gave to me. I'd better have been laid death upon the place where dad found me.
Learn as much as you can, and never stop learning she said, I guess that is what applies here, And this is a lesson I never will forget.
May the gods watch over my parents,
*The man stands inmobile as the dream finally beats his will, a smile is shown on his face as he dreams of the life he left behind *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen - Die another day
* The rain falls unto the swamp as the caravan stops for the night, the man stands alone during his shift as he keeps guard upon the goods that the caravan is taking to the final destination, the man with a stern look watches up to the stars as he likes to do, when a sound returns him to his duty and shakes his head to retake concentration*
Another kill, and it does not feel well, but what else I had to do? , I am here to guard this people , everyone here trust in that i won't fail, together we work to survive, yet I still feel bad for the bandit, who was him? Might he had some family? Was he loved ?
All those questions will remain unsolved, I can only pray for that nobody depended on him, yet he made his choice , and the consecuences has been unfold, yet i must not express my concerns, not here, not with this people, They will see it as a weakness, yet It's nothing like that, There are strenght in feelings and good will, there are virtue in helping those who needs it, For goodness , I must sound like Lance right now.
As for my parents still no news of them, nor for them I just hope they are doing fine, But I am totally sure that by now they had been in troubles at least a couple of times, and yet they have been reconcilied as they always do.
Stop with this Argos, you don't need to return to that, you are on your trip now, remember, I'll see them when time is apropiate.
For now I must retake my guard post, There would be no good if we got ambushed, my shift almost start.
ACS.
*The man can't help to return his sight to the skies again as if he is looking for something there, his distraction got broken when a violent sound return his atention to the duty, and so in the middle of the night the batle breaks upon the caravan *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen
*The wind was cold as the demoralized caravan walked thru the deserted marsh, half of the goods were lost on the last attack, and now only the Leading cart was the only that stands able to move, the men walked fast tired and hopeless, trying to reach the next town as soon as they could*
Woe on us.
We have lost half of the men, and trying to reach the a homlet to rest, The caravan master face is filled in anger, and yet, he was fully aware of the risks of this trip, Taking this route would cut time he said, but was it worth the risk, the results show that a no is the absolute answer to this, I am tired and wounded. yet I have to stand for the sake of our lives, and the ones that were lost in the way here, We owe them that, their deaths would not be in vain.
My hands aches and I can barely see, yet I can only pray for my strenght don't fail me when It's most needed.
I raise my pleas to the gods for their protection, Oh mother of redemption, I have no right for asking you for protection, and yet I've lived this far.
I must stop with this, strenght must not be wasted on writting, I need to go back to guard duty *
Argos Stargazer
*The silence of the march is broken by a strong sound, as the armed men prepares for the worse, The young man arms and legs did not answered in time, as the darkness fell upon him before he could even rise the sword, as his concience is getting lost he could only see a light in the forest, then only darkness *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Morning at last
*The light of the morning hit on the face to the man, awaking him with violence, as he opened his eyes his natural reaction was to be on guard, all due the rough times he had on the past year, The life on the road, and the constant presure of the caravan trips, and the hard beds of the bad inns and the cold floor, does that to men, yet what he saw when he finally opened his eyes shoked him more than the battles he had seen in the past months.
He was in a bed in something that looked like a hospital, along the wall a lot of makeshift beds were disposed with more people laying there, some people in robes were procuring the healing to the sick, Argos laid there still and trying to figure out what his eyes told him, he was alive, for some grace of some power he was alive, and yet confused, he saw to the high ceilings and the ornate walls, keeping himself still trying to no being noticed.
Then he saw it, On one of the windows a symbol that he was so familiar with , the Anhk of Toran, all watching over the realms, his fear disapeared for a moment as it was replaced by confusion, he tried to sit over the bed, but an intense pain on his shoulder and his legs prevented him to do so, he yelled in pain and and laid down again focusing in making the pain of the wounds go away, Almost imediately he felt the warm touch of two hands, to come upon him and hold him as the world started to being filled by voices and the darkness fell again upon his eyes and concience *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- A light from the past
*Argos lays on the bed, resting as his bandages are cleaned and changed by the priests, he smiles at them, but his smile betrays fear, A fear to met someone in that place, someone that migth mean the failure on his venture. Even with that he sits proudly and helps the healers as much as he can, the jounal lays at his side open as the ink dries itself. *
Alive.
The trip ended quite badly, I am lucky enough to be alive, yet it was a total failure, the good priests have been taking care of my wounds and I can walk barely, how much time has passed, that is something I might try to learn as I got better, Acording to the priests our caravan were ambushed by some kind of darkelves in the swamps near the Citadel of Huaghin, not many made it, It seems that I fell one of the first an that is why I was spared, And thankfully they were traveling near the swamps when they heard the sounds of battle, Impresive, I can only wonder if this is some kind of joke the fate has thrown upon me, Again tended by the very temple of Toran, 15 years later, this is so hard to believe. Almost laughable.
Until now they have no clue of who I am, I told them that i am a guard of the caravan by name Cillinya Not necesarly a lie, but I am afraid, this people will send word to dad If they know Who I am. I must get better and stand, can't allow myself to lay here for much. My trip for enlightment has stoped but is far from ending, The gods , Toran maybe gave me a chance. And its not one I plan to throw away.
My body pains me , but not as much as my soul, this good people has taken good care of me, that is for sure, I'll give a donation to the temple when i can do, The vast majority of my things are here, yet my sword is broken, and I'll have to start looking for a new one as soon as I can walk and work ,
I need to persevere . Here they come now. Time for my healing sesion.
The light brights again to me, on this day.
Cillnya Dragonbane.
*he relaxes as the priest finishes with the bandages, and they keep a small talk , when the priests finally leaves the boy takes the journal, checking that the ink has dried and then closes it and hugs it close to his heart, in his face a smiling face, but behind that mask the sadness , and the dream of being able to cry *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The light at the end of the tunel.
*The young man is seen walking thru the gardens wearing a white and blue robe, in his hand his old book mistreated but with a new fold that covers most of the family crest that is over the front , he walks with serene pace observing around looking for a bench, his body has healed yet he bears the mark of the battles before as he still limps a bit, his sight full in peace now, he walks towards the bench and sits, opening the book he prepares the ink and the quill and start to writte down *
Huagjin, Such a beautiful city,
All in light with his marmoled walls, This place can make Prantz look as a small town, all the movement all the people who lives here. Its so wonderful place, yet its expensive I must say, I have been on the city once, I'd not risk myself too much until I am fully healed, but that will happen soon, I feel stronger every day that passes and well I have brough another sword, that would make much easier to find job once I got out here. Well I don't even know if I want to leave this place.
The priests did an excelent work on my wounds, and I feel thankful for them, this people has saved my life twice now, I cannot be more thankful to them, I have started to help them in the care of the other sick, they were not sure at first but I proved them i am able to do it. My skills are not as good as theirs, but I can change a bandage quite well, and apply the aloe almost without spilling it, I have been always good at this.
I am starting to listen to what Toran is saying thru their priests, and its hard to see how is that I never listen this words from Dad, or at least I never listened them as I do listen this ones, This ones speaks of Mercy, but not only that, I have seen how they practice, and I can do all those exercices by memory, Those are the ones Lance ... er Dad made me do, The raising of the sword, the technique to properly hold the shield and the sword, Some of them even practice that style dad tried to teach me, to use the oponents weight against themselves. Its a nice trick.
Someone has been speaking with me, A girl and I think she likes me in a way, she is always coming to speak with me and sort of taking personal interest on my wounds. Celia is her name, and she has done more confortable to be here, To her I spoke of what I did to be her, I said not all to her, yet my reasons stands for not speak all I know, yet she has been a positive influence on my recuperation. She adviced me to speak to a priest about my feelings. that I did. I looked for a wise man that she introduced as her mentor, Father Victor of the Long sword he said was his name, she explained to me that he gave up his last name and put the name of the order as a proof of faith. That i won't discuss here, his commitment seems to be out of questioning.
With humbleness I spoke part of my story. I told him why I am alone, I told him of the lives I've cut, Why i took the road and the intense pain i felt about that, I could have not hold more, those lives were yelling me at night, Screaming for how i've betrayed them, how could i prefered to cut the problem instead of saving their souls, at first i had my doubts, i was expectiong the look of pity, the familiar feeling of being observed as scorn and pity, I was so afraid of that, I did not want to see that, Instead the man listened to my story , and after some moments of meditation he put his hand on my shoulder, with a kind smile he said,
"You did what you had to do, young one, I feel your pain, since killing must be a last act of resort, yet in your actions you saved more people, Otherwise more inocents would have been harmed, what you did... its called duty son, You act on duty and mercy for the people who was unable to defend themselves. you should never feel shame for doing the right thing, Alongside the way you'll find a lot of obstacles, and test that might put doubt on your heart, Its not an easy path the one of duty, its long and winding. yet so fullfilling in the end, knowing that you are making the world better, even if it does not change the world by it, you are cotribuiting in some sort, a grain of sand at time, Saving a soul each time, Duty presents in strange ways son, And almost always as we don't expect it or wanted it, that is why its not easier to fullfil it, yet the most diligently we do our duty, more stronger we become son, Just don't feel bad with what you did, and fear not what duty has for you, not fear and be ready to answer, as i said before it might look hard, but you'll find yourself sleeping better at night"
After hearing him I felt real better, their words made me feel good for first time in long time, I can remember now the sight those women throw at me, at the moment i was so confused to see the whole scope of my actions, I was so centered having pity of my own failure, without taking in acount that with it I gave them something more important.... life.
How can that be good. Now I am so sorry for not having that sword, the symbol of my failure, can be a symbol of hope, and duty, Is by this that I have reached my redemption. It means not everyone thinks I did wrong, and by that I have not failed ?
All this questions are filling my mind and soul now?
How can I act better, how can I get myself centered with all this ideas, Is this one of those "duty" tests ? I could not know. I guess Only time will tell,
I am after all only a man.
[strike]Cillnya Dragonbane [/strike]
Argos Stargazer of the house Dragonbane.
*After reading the name he just write the man crosses what he was just signed putting a new signatuere over it . With satisfaction he closes the book after the ink is dry and stands to walk back towards the sick quarters to continue helping with the healing *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The house of healing, duty, redemption.
*The young man is seem preparing some reagents for healing, potions, bandages, panaceas are awaiting to be acomodated over the kits for the travelers, with a serene smile the man keeps putting them in order, one by one, as the night advances and the moons wathes him with weary eyes, they have acompanied this young man alongside the way now, they know what hhe has done , and how many nights he resisted the impulse of crying, they know what he is thinking. and that those toughs are quiet now, Because for once he found peace *
I am getting quite fond of this place, Since i started to walk I see that i am needed here, my scarce skill at healing has helped some people, and well even as my hands are not as skilled as the priests I am helping.
I have my things ready to depart, yet for some reason I don't want to do it. the path does not call me as it did on Audira, even as if I am not tied here, I feel good to help, I have started to hear the words of the priests, they speak of a lot of things about how important is duty and the salvation of those who cannot defend themselves, I wonder why is that i never listened to dad speak like that, yet, he is a knight, his actions speak for him its said, I wonder how is that mom fell in love with him, he seemed to be always strickt and in a way closeminded, yet I see him diferent now, as I hear this people speak, I even found a story of him leading a group to defeat a Shadow lich, how is that I did not know that, And he lead the rescue of Quantum winword the former hand of Toran, he seems to be important, but yet when he is home he acts as if he was only a normal man.
I asked around for him, I was cautious to not to be too much inistent, I don't want to raise suspects when those are no needed, I am starting to think that i will be here for long time, since I can go, yes, now the problem is that i don't want to go, I have started to learn and listen the word of Toran, and his premises sounds like something worth of respect. Will be this the light I have been searching, I feel aprobation instead of pity, encouragement instead of shame, What does this means ?
Is this the way to my own redemption, Is this my true call ?
And yet I am confused as I hear that some of the tennets are the same here, I've learned of the problems dad has been for defending his ideals, I found a record when he was tested, of course that not many people doubt of him now, but as i learned he was marked as tainted when he started his service, To be born under the evil blood of a tyrant and enemy, Does that make him evil? If that is so , I am an orphan and son of the street, that makes me a thief? No. blood has its place, but are deeds what must be measured.
I must say I feel happy here? What should I do? Shall I writte them?
I need to attend to service now... Maybe some meditation would help to clear my mind.
Argos Stargazer, In his way to redemption.
* The boy stands and checks that the ink is already dry before closing the book and start walking towards the common room sheathing his sword at his belt and carrying the healing kits to deliver them around the place, as he walks he goes humming that old Tune his dad used to sing. one about a knight fighting for honor *
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- The binding, a kind apart
*The man is seen hessitantly observing the stone near the altar, his hands shaking in excitation and fear, he is about to give a great step, hessitantly he looks back to the girl and the other priest that come with him, he looks back giving a last look to them, they exchange words some of encouragement, some of advice and hope, the girl shows him a letter sealed that he previously gave to her, with a smile the boy turns towards the stone. So luring and so frightful at the same time, he closes his eyes and with a small pray he steps ahead touching the stone.
The fight of wills started as a blue light is emitted from the stone surrounding the man. he clenches his hands over the stone, his face showing the effects of the pain on his body, his concentration focused as he stands whatever feeling he is having at that very moment, For a moment the time seems to stop on the scene as the light starts to fill the room, a small tremble is heard, the girl and the boy cover their eyes as the light strike their faces, The whole room is surrounded by the light.
So the silence reigned on the place *
I've decided it. I will have to take that step in order to be better, I will atempt to bind myself to the bindstones, Dad and mom are chosen and they have done great deal of good to the lands. Its worth the try.
I have been spared once, and my life as it was lack of sense, Today I'll prove if I am worthy of all the goodness i have recieved, This will put to test to my call, The great Leader has saved me twice by now, my life does no longer belongs to me.
This is a great risk itself, I've thinking over this matter for some months now. and well I feel I must do it, That way I'll have more chances to make a diference on this world to made my parents to feel proud of me, If I am not able at least I will bother them no more.
I know... this is a way to deal with my own fear of dying, I might be shortening my trip, I must confess to you my journal, I am afraid of not being able to do it, And to perish on the attempt, I don't want to die. Not as that, But one must face their own demons, and if I pass this test, the benefits would be quite the best.
I'll be like dad and mom, Able to cheat on the soulmother, and fullfill my dreams easier.
I've written a letter to my parents, in case this goes not good, yet Toran has saved me twice, I put my faith on him on this step, he cares over me, he always have done it, for me and for my family, Dad and mom. I still don't know how works with Mom, but I am sure in a way he cares for her, She is Lance test, what could be more important to him.
The letter will be sent in case of my demise. I've made her to promise to do it, and she is coming with me with the promise of not crying.
I must go and do my last prayers, and get myself ready ...
With Love....
Argos Stargazer. Son of bound heroes.
*As the blinding effect of the light passes the withnesses stands claring their eyes, for a moment fearing the worse, the girl already with tears on her eyes observes Argos kneel on deep pain his hands still clenched on the bindstone, not moving as the rest of the light start to go low, with uncertain step they aproaches the body touching gently his shoulders, cold to the touch ad without a move.
Then Argos eyes opens with surprise, he falls back with a gesture of pain and liberation at the same time, with soft voice he mutters.... it worked.... as the darkness fall upon him*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen. .- Over Faith and duty, mussings over Redempion, family and Love.
*The last sunrays strike the white walls of the citadel as the young man stays sit alone with a tired face drinking some water and eating roast, his muscles tense and tired after a hard day of work, he look upon the horizon with a hopeful eyes as the ships sail away in the azure seas, carrying the man toughs towards home, he shakes his head at himself as he starts to pick up all his things, and walk back to his bunk*
This late weeks have been gone quite well, I am fully recovered by now thanks to the virtuous hands and cares of the healers here, they are not only virtuous but wise and brave as well, The process has been long and painful, but I have found a second home in here, As a token of gratitude I asked them to allow me to help in the healing house with the scarce skill I have, well its scarce when I compare myself to them, But I think I've done enough for saving people. Could be a penance for the ones I have cut down, yet I don't repent of the actions that led me to this place, and to this life, In a way it has made me a man. I don't have more doubts over myself, I have done the right thing, One cannot wait for the people to change as that, One must lead the way by example, But there are evil out there, People who are evil, is there any hope for them? Certainly must be a way to clean their soul, But if not, must be dealt with them, Redemption is not found on life only, One can repent on the verge of death, When the soul is nearer the gods.
Redemption, Is there a way of redemption? It must be, if not then the world is condemned to be tainted and unable to heal, yet its a dangerous trip that one, One must walk that with caution, Redemption must be sought, nor granted for free, Its said that what is given free is usually wasted because its not measured so worthy, This reminds me that carnival on Audira, The one of the criminal who put all those lives in Danger, I remember how dad reacted that day, how he was so angry at that man, and even saw his eyes burn with something like hate at times, Now i understand that it was not hate, It was a genuine anger, A holy wrath instilled by his beliefs.
His beliefs I wrote, I am so surprised to say that right now, all this time the light was in front of me and I was so blind to even see it, The hand of Virtue has saved me, and put me back on the way. soon I'll have to return home, and see for my family. I feel guilt for how i left them, yet It was needed, I just hope they are good enough, In Toran's light today I wish that.
This last weeks I have resuming my physical activites, they even allowed me to join to the exercises of the knights in training, I must say I needed that exercise, Its nice to have this routine again, but for a change this time I find a challenge here, The training is quite disciplined, and the future knights show dedication and bravery, not to mention that their techique is quite well developed, some of them at least, I've been improving my own technique as I practice with them.
Its not all of course attending to services has keept the rest of the day busy, Listening to the great leader wisdom those words feels like water healing my soul, with each day I feel even better. At first it was to go with my friends, but staying there simply feels great, I feel motivated to keep on, And what could make a man feel better than to help others in need.
Some time has passed, and I cannot stay hidden here forever, My parents deserve to know where I am and what has happened to me. I'll see them soon hopefully.
I wonder how they are? What would they do when they see me? I am mostly worried about mom. Is my choice going to break her? I love her, yet... I was a fool all this years, Dad had a very hard time , not only her. I don't get how it was that they did not destroy each other. yet they stand as unite as they could be. They raised me, And healed me, I would never be the man who I am, if not for them, Now it's my time to support them, Now its time for Argos Stargazer to made them Proud.
Argos Cillnya Stargazer, Proud son and living proof of Toran's miracles.
*As the man walks down the inmense stairs he found himself with a girl and another man who walks with him smiling and joking around the silent streets of the citadel, A cat look at them as the last rays of light dies on the horizon, The trio is lost over the streets.*
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and pen .- The way of the knight, The son and the father.
*Argos is seen attaired in his armor as he prepares his pack, he alone checking on his sword and shield, ataired for the trip, this is something part of him had desired for too long, yet his enligthening made him to wait, to learn, to remember how to believe, So the young man takes his things with a smile he got out of the temple, after a small prayer he starts to walk out *
It's finally time, My learning here has come to an end, and yet I have to face the life I left behind, in the proper way, with the help of the great leader I am recovered now, and Ready to face my demons, I am with him a reflection of the justice and redemption, that is what i must be.
I saw him, Dad came to the temple and i saw him between the crowd, I was lucky enough for him to not to see me, but this is not going to last forever, I want to speak with him, to greet him, but not like this, I have to present myself to them whole. And for that is that i must keep going. There are a lot of injustices to be righted, And souls to be saved. That is how my call is, I feel HIM within me, he has saved me twice and his light cured my soul and body, My trust is fully with him. May the hand of Virtue shine your path Argos. ..
I will miss Celia, and her father words, I have found in them like a second family, they surely don't think as high of me, but That is how i feel regarding them. yet they stay here, so this is their place, and i could always go back towards here to visit them.
I have been accepted at the church, even my training is far from over, But i need to prove myself and this test will prove my resolution.
I'll make them proud of me, And my Lord will be watching over me, From him i got strenght lended and the will to keep going.
This was my last service on Huagjin, I'll make my way towards Mistone. I have to learn over this, And yet to face my demons.
Toran give me the strenght.
Argos Stargazer, in Toran's holy power, proud son and humble servant.
*As the crowded streets start to fill with activity the man walks towards the portal, checking for coins he passes some of them to the one in charge of the portalm he then steps in, without hesitation, knowing that beyond awaits for him the truth of his path.*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Mistone at Sight
*The City of Gold, Port Hempstead, observing a comon day amoung his myriad of habitants, the sun raising high as the noon aproaches , and with it the ship finally stoped in the dock, The man attired in blue trenchcoat is seen going down with serene step and a smile in his face*
Finally I am here.
Ready to recover the life I've Lost, or left. The place looks great for start a lot of people, Dad seems to be to spend days here, I just hope not seeing him for now, not until I am ready. I need to start looking for acomodations and make myself ready to met him when the time arrives, and mom, How i miss Mom... I could always had gone home first, but I still need to see what I can do on my own, I am not ready, nor I am returning to give more problems to them.
*that short is the entry for his journal, not even signed as he used to do. The excitation was too much. The patience growing short, and the desire growing up. The man is seen getting lost amoung the streets of the big city*
(http://forums.layonara.com/photopost/data/101682/medium/Arrival_to_mistone_.jpg)
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Argos Stargazer, The knight in training
*Argos is seen checking his acomodations over the temple of Toran, in Fort Llast, the man looks at the room with distracted look, a small cell with a bed and a desk, the light of the candles are spill giving a feeling of confort and peace on the room, with a smile the young man sits over the desk and opens the old journal, the book that holds most of his secrets and start to write*
How can I describe how life is going, I am finally on the road again, and Toran has keept me safe this far, I am spending the knight here at the temple, I came to present my services, I just came to learn that the war on Mistone is a truth. an horrible one, I see the fear in the eyes of the townsfolk, it feels stronger than in Prantz, Dad was out fighing this all this years?
Well But back to the present, Mistone holds certainly odd spots and sights not to mention extraordinarie people, I am now fully armed and equipped, I bought a fullplate at the guild that dad works at. I finally was able to met to the man who made my old wooden greatsword, he seems to be a bit strict, his voice is calmed an polite, and his look well. surely a man that lives of the nature, All clad in leathers and the smell of the forest following, Gladly he did not recognize me, I have enough with what I have lived.
I've met most extrordinaire people here. and yet the sights that my training has gave me, I have met a man who names himself Ash, one of the most nibble man I have seen, he moved real fast and well I cannot help but admire his progress in battle, I'd never be able to reproduce those movements, that is why I carry this old trusty armor and the shield.
*The man smiles as he writes that*
On other regards I met a group of people the other day, they were like just chatting over the lake in Hempstead, its a peaceful place, and a lot of people pass that way, The road to Vehl and wayfare, there was a strange woman with pink hair with a friend of her, Abi and Berak were their names if I remember well, Alongside a maiden whom catch my atention almost inmediately, she was bandaged at the left side of her body, as if some bad accident happened to her, She said her name is Anabelle, Bella for short she said with that playful smile, she semms to be unconfortable with the ettiquete, So i had to back up a bit.
It turned that just before we were going to start that trip another lady came to us, her name is Samminya or Sam for short, she has the most odd way of speaking , she is quite smart and seems to be always looking for confict, at least with words that is , She is quite good at taking debates, almost fun if i have to say an adjective.
we started the trip towards the Brech mountains led by Abi, As miss Bella was coming with us I took the duty of her safety, I wonder what I can say about that, Duty seems to be a full part of the life and gladly, I remember those words in Huaghjin, that never feared the face of the duties or what they could bring. I feel a bit ashamed to say that this duty was indeed joyous, I really enjoyed to protect her, Standing in front, fighting with all my might to make her safe, It really helps one to sleep better.
The trip did not end as well as I should hoped for me. I fell on the way back to Vehl, I was just not strong enough, yet I am happy, The binding is already starting to made worth all the pain it brought. I was striken and furious in a way, Not even able to see her to arrive to safety.
I must get the positive of this trip, We reached towards the Ulgrids fortress, an acestral halls of the dwarves, Our allies the Voraxians have strong presence there. Those walls and halls made of stone are certainly a sight per see. But it is really cold up there, We went thru the halls made of stone and ended resting over a dock, UNDERGROUND. That is something I would never believe I could see posible. I've started to keep a book as mom does for taking notes of this kind of strange sights.
When we got there Miss Bella said she needed to change some of her bandages, I wonder what happened to her, as the scarce recolection i have that happened to her in an accident in her parents farm, I tried to not press the matter forward, I figure she is enough unconfortable speaking of the matters, I offered my help to change the bandages, but She said that here are some in parts she would prefer to not to show, I felt so dumb to even ask after she said that, I helped her removing my cloak and put it in front of her to allow give her a bit more freedom of movement, It was a wonderful sight once she finished, the light of the place was magical and well, with all the things happening there I had that wish of singing,
I'd never would have done that, Miss Sam keeps calling me bard after that, she has some strange ideas running on her head, It is strange how people always think on the worst. Sam has started to call us love birds and all that kind of references to Miss Bella and me to be a couple, its not hard to see that there is the way friendship is, I am a knight.. Well want to be a knight after all, the conduct i showed was nothing than respectful towards the group I went with, and of course I have to be courtous to the ladies on the road. More those like Miss Bella, She was my duty after all, I had to keep her safe.
*Argos look up sighing a moment after reading what he just wrote*
I guess not a lot of people understands the way of the knight, Sam might be smart but obviously don't understand what the duties of the knight stands, I should stop to justify my own actions. My concience is clean and I help people that is what i do.
On other hand I had another emotive encounter, Rottie was in Vehl, yes Rottie The very same big fellow from Audira temple, I don't know what to say It was a confusing enconter, I never tought what would happen when I found a trace of what I left in Audira, Fortunately the big boy did not asked anything about my fast departure that night, Nor why I now follow another path, I won't judge him, I accept him as someone who desires to be better, one who desires to change and to act as a positive influence in the realms. His path is no easier, he'll find all kind of obstacles on his way, his race for starters, Never accepted nor for creatures nor civilized lands. I must strive to help him as much as I can.
I am in the right way.
Argos Cillnya Stargazer, Friend and knight.
*He realizes how much he has written and yawns heavily, he stands and check for the lock on his temporal room before he goes to sleep muttering a small prayer *
(http://forums.layonara.com/photopost/data/101682/Argos_and_Bella.jpg)
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- a face from the past, Reintroducing the bard.
*Sitting on a bed on the wild surge inn room, Argos finish his dinner and put his hand to writte over his journal *
I can't believe he is here, Jurn he is here , I could not have be more happy really, My best friend went out home and met me here, who'd believe that, certainly Toran works in marvelous ways, Boy has been years since I have seen him, Since my departrure towards Audira, he is still as shy and mysterious as he used to be, Drama is his thing as always, We had not much time to speak tough, But it was real good to see him, to finally met someone in whom I can totally trust.
It was odd at first when we met us over a campfire, I was resting over the fire thinking and meditating as he aproached in his usual reserved way, It was real ankward the way we recognize each other. I could not help it but to stand and give him a big hug, Time flies and this kind of encounters is what make life worth of living, he was telling me of his life, he finally followed his dream and become a performer, I am glad he did, he is real talented and I really want to go and see one of his performances, he says he has done a number or two on his parents tavern in Hurm, I'd like to go and see him, maybe if I work hard enough we cound perform one of our old songs. Who knows.
I am just kidding, I have no time for those things now. I have a lot to learn, A lot of time to recover in my training. All this years has taken its toll and I need to keep the good work in order to advance in my training.
Leave that alone, Argos, your duty stands and you know that, Don't restrain yourself of enjoying the moment, I mean Jurn... hello!!!! ...
*he looks at the paper a moment and ponders on what he just wrote he sighs and says,
- Now I am writting nonsenses-
*he pass a line and with a smile resumes his writtings *
Well this encounter was totally unexpected, yet I can see why he is my friend , I honor his friendship, he did not mention a thing about mom or dad, he was just there worried and enjoying our time together, Far past is the times of childhood, now we are men with our own responsabilities, and our lives ahead of us, and even after that,. It feeled the same, To be with him and joke around , my For a moment I was so tempted to give him a good right punch as the old times.
He did not mention anything about home , we just spoke of what had been on our lives, Or at least that the intent when the most rude elf I have seen in my life apeared, i feel ashamed to use this kind of words about a lady. But she was grumpy and not to say that her common left a lot to desire, She seemed to had traveled with Jurn in the past , and in a way to be stricken with him. I just wonder if Anya would have been like that but i was blind enough to see that, After all he always was the ladies man.
*Argos frowns and sighs as he look up and finishes the last zip of the grape juice *
Well This elven lass Aylanna was her name if I remember well. Started to hit me with his staff, Jurn seemed to know about that because when she started to look at me he yelled "Duck" If i were listened my arm probably won be in much pain as it is now, the lady has spirit and more strenght than her tiny arms could show. After all I was not going to stand her attitude I awaited and parried the next strike she tried to do and i finally took of her staff of her hands. Actually it was quite funny to see the anger in her face , She started to throw theaths to me, I of course eventually returned thwe staff to her. Under the promise that she won't be hitting more people.
We ventured together into the campsite of those goblins who raid near Hlint, the three of us really stroke a good hit on those. The caravans would be safe that day.
At the end of the evening, we rested and we departed. I know I have not to do it, But I asked Jurn to keep the secret of my sighting. I'll return home soon, I don't want to them to look for me. I'll met them when I am ready ..
Toran be praised, you who send friendly faces to my encounters, you who bless my path with emotions.
Argos Cillnya Stargazer
*Argos spends some time spreading some sand over the paper to help with the dry and lays down observing the ceiling of the room, humming an old song of his childhood till he falls aslept*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- When the ghost of past reaches you.
*Argos lays down on his tent just outside Hempstead pond, his journal lays beside him as he tries to sleep *
What can i say?
That I deserve it? No I don't deserve it... How they all could know? They judge and they point their fingers to me, As if i did something wrong, I did nothing wrong. But everyone look at me as if I am the bad guy of the story, Its a burden I don't want. I don't accept .
Where to start, Where to begin with to made them all understand that It was painful , that Its not something i wanted to do, but something i needed to do, and yet everyone stands in their high heels saying, Oh Argos ... act this ... do that.. you should be thankful ... what they could know.
All Started some hours ago, I met Miss Bella on the fields, I felt so special when she came and met me, And called her bard, I still feel odd in my chest just to think about that. Anyway, She was kind enough to acompany me towards the ire mountains. I guess that is how they are called, Its a nice place, but having her beside me really made the trip enjoyable, even after the ambush those gnolls set up on us. I was shocked , she was barely alive when I reached her with a minor blessing, I felt totally relieved when she stood again after laying there almost inmobile. We saw a heart shaped lake up there and a tower. A trip worthy of repeating one of this days.
Once we made it back towards hempstead we met with Miss Sam, I really don't know how is that Bella and her are so good friends, I reall don't get the 'proximity they have, I mean Bella is so kind, so nice. and Sam is .... Well just Sam. Mom always said that before you speak make yourself sure that what you are going to do is better than the unconfortable situations. Even as she is I consider her my friend by Bella proximity, and Well In time i hope to be able to see thru her mask of social reject.
Oh... That woman must be jinxed.. The show totally started when She apeared. And she was not helping the mood with her coments. Calling us both love birds, A situation that could of course only bring gossip, chaos and hectic times to anyone involved life, We explained that we are only friends. .
That is what we are after all . But then Another one Appeared .
Milady Daniella Stormhaven, yes Dad's friend , of her I know to be real devoted and a real ally and defender fo my dad, She seemed to be able to recognize me, she smiled and come to me greeting me with disbelief, What would I say, she inmediately asked me for my father, I told her that I haven't seen him. She frowned at me , took me aside and started to tell me that no matter what was in the past my future lied on Toran now, Like if it were another way. I saw To Miss Sam whispering things to Bella. It was one of the most unconfortable situations I've lived this far, After miss Stormhaven left, Sam started to press on the matter as if I was in love with her.. For goodness what imagination has that elf, and how problematic can she be, I don't see miss bella worried or anything, Maybe because she knows Sam quite better than me.. or maybe because she don't care, The case is that I explained to her that Miss Daniella could be my mother. Sam seemed convinced at least that I was telling the truth.
We moved towards the benches, and we were having the usual Semantic fight with Miss Sam, when Mis Sallaron apeared, Oh My goodness. why have to be him? so disrespectful he started to speak to me as if he had any right over me, and start to order me to go home and visit, She was complaining about the fact of listening to his wife, And started to embrass me in front of my friends, he said that if i don't go soon home, he'll tell Mom that I was being rude and spending time with ladies and missbeheaving. I felt my soul falling to the floor. I felt so ashamed for Miss Bella. to put her friendship as something as filthy as Mister Tempest had done it. I just ignored him but I can't avoid to feel a bit threathened. I haven't seen my parents in some years, What if they believe him? I meant they probably Think of me dead or something.
I must visit soon
Once Sallaron left, The galery continued, I saw Tod again, my some years has passed and he still looks the same, he sounds quite wise tough. and for once I apreciated that he did not mentioned anything about going to visit home, he behalf in good way, he was entretaining us with his stories and projects, Its good to see people like him around. he is a good friend of Dad and I can see why, he is friendly and open , honest and fair in its trades.
he shared some pie with all of us. before he left.
The hours passed and Miss Sam finally had to leave the place, leaving the lake for miss Bella and myself, She grew concerned about Dad, yet she does not understand as well , she was questioning me. Why do I follow his path if i don't like to be like him,. That situation put me to think, I wonder that I am figthing a life that I grew for, I was training for knight since my early years, I am good at it. And Toran spared me. I answered her,
I know Lance is not a bad person, and i really want to believe in himas a father, but I can't forgive him what he has done to mom, I told her of the situation, on how I strive to be a better man than him. It was all going good when he appeared .
Chaynce Baldu'umur, Uncle Chaynce himself apeared over Hempstead. My How is posible that such person is so close friend of Dad, he is rash, rude and made the worst coments of the night. Due respect to the friendship for Bela I'll not write down here what he implied upon us. Again I'll only write that i told him that we are friends.
He leave us after I challenged him to a duel, he does not seems the kind of person to know where to keep himself shut.
Well he left us after some minutes , Leaving me and bella in the most unconfortable situation ever. I barely was able to see her in shame of what he implied of us doing.
I need to go home soon before the gossip spread, I don't want to harm this lady who has done anything but to give me her friendship. I've promised to not to harm mom, I think Bella should be under the same. I won't allow her to be harmed by my friendship.
With Toran as withness that I swear
Argos Stargazer, Knight in training
*The moons hit the small tent as the nigth pass and the young man dreams on times long lost of happy childhood*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Facing our demons. The prodigal son returns.
* Laughter can be heard over the house again , The elven lady serving the food in the table with the young man sit over the chair that has been empty for 4 long years, Somethung in the house feels strange, as if the music had returned to an old instrument, As if the happines decided to return to the house after a long vacation, poets could call it inspiration, others simply the light of the love that only can be beetwen Son and mother , The boy eats his mother food with a slight smirk, he does not like it, but he could not wish to eat in no other place at the current moment, nor with any other person *
Home!!
Its hard to say that word without feeling excited, I finally am back, Mom looks so shinning, as i remember her, And her usual mood, so helping and shy, Things does not change a lot over the years it seems, as usual Lance is not home, and well her food is still something not real good, but well she is my mother, she can't be all perfect, And I Always can go to see Miss Tegan to sneak some pie of her kitchen.
Who I am trying to fool, I no longer would do such thing, I've grown up, even ir i feel so confortable here, I know this is no longer my place, I mean I feel so welcomed here, And yet I won't be a burden to them, to her, I've started my service on the temple, Officially i meant.
I am able to do small miracles now, I feel HIM inside my blood and my soul, vibrating around me, Making me seeing the glorious world he desires for us, I still don't picture myself as I am now, I was not accepted as knight, but that does not mean I'll stop trying right? They say i Lack the formal education that other paladins are given, but well , I don't like it , but who i am to question the descicions made by Church. They are the voice of Toran after all, I am merely the son of one of his knights. And well my time in the Az'attan temple might have to be with some of his choices.
Well Enough of this, Even as I am happy to see mom, I can't deny to say that Coming back here has its dose of Saddness, I saw Anya when i came to the place, she seems happy, married and all , she even have a baby, I wonder what would have been of her ... us... if I've stayed here, That would have been my son?
Yet, I am happy for her, I gave her my blessing, she like tryied to harpy me around for not being around all this time, I simply smile at her, and said that i was on trip, There is no need to fill her with the details, why to make her more worried, If she thinks of me as a slacker , That is better than she to know of my failures. Nor she nor I deserve that.
I am shocked Dear Journal, Before I decided to come back to home, I was with Miss Bella and Miss Sam, after the traditional interchange of semantic arguing, We went into a trip around mistone again, I don't understand them, really, they seems to be real good friends, yet I feel odd around them, I could not hide it anymore, I feel real good with Miss Bella, I have seen myself day dreaming, But there are something that worries me, in fact is something that I cannot help but to Admire of her, her dedication to the Weaving of the said Al'noth, She sometimes got lost in her toughts and discussions with Sam, I feel sometimes displaced by it, but to give a tought to it ,Its simply stupid. She has her way as i do have mine. I should leave that it that way.
Over all the shocking things I've found is That .. Well I still can't find how to write this .. Mom was married before to be with Dad. I wonder .. well I could not understand why ? if she was married, well Why to be with dad, that harms her. Was her marriage worse than dad? the name of the hiusband seems to be Wren Thendor.
I had to know.. I simply had to know.. I asked her, why? And she mentioned that she met Wren almost at the same time she met Lance. . er dad...I feel odd listening to the story really, Mom seemed to be real affected of this, I felt bad for asking but its something I have to do, I need to know..
She said that when she came to Mistone, she was so naive that she fell into a trick to marry this man Wren without not even knowing him, Well she said that he never was home for her, and that eventually she decided to leave him, to be with dad, I think I overasked , Why to left a man to be with other that do exactly the same?
She got ed by my questions, I had no other thing to do than question myself about all this, I mean she and dad are not married, and Well Dad and Wren seems to be good friends as Mom says, that simply sounds odd, I don't get it. Yet I have to let mom with her own demons to fight with, She seems to have enough hard times with dad, For me to give her more tribulations.
I have to go to her back now, I and eat something of her food , She has accepted me into her life again, after all this four years, We are a family again, she I don't want to see her suffer again. I'll be there for her if she nees to speak, but enough for now.
I have to wonder, Why Dad and her are not married tough.
Argos Stargazer, Prodigal son
* As the couple laughs the sound of the door opening break all the movement, the knight had come back at home, Lance can't help but to smile brigthy observing his son sit on the table but holding his desires he turns towards the Ell, catching the glimpse of her happy smile over a moment , he return the sight towards the son, both knights stand the gaze without a word for moments, until Ell Comes and takes Lance hand to lead him towards the table *
(http://forums.layonara.com/photopost/data/101682/medium/fateful.jpg)
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- New faces, The shinning ligth of Toran
*The blue leather book is seen open over a small table in the simple temple of Llast, the young knight is seen in a simple tunic praying under the scarce light that the moons lend to the night. the calm enviroment invites to the peace , and the meditation.*
Toran has been good to me, Oh indeed he has been, Blessing me with good friends, and lessons of life, I have met a lot of people and have seen a lot of places with them, It has been broader than Miss Sam and Bella.
Where shall I start. Oh well yes. Of course Aarcus, my brother in faith well, kind of. Its strange and yet admirable how this man has dedicated his life to the hand of virtue, yet, he does not do it for recognization, because he is not even part of the church, not a knight, and Toran acts in the world thru his sword, not thru words, not thru blessings. He is real good with that blade I could learn something about that, from him, but he asked me to train him, he gasped as well when he heard that my father is. . Well you already know who he is, So i am not writting that again,
Miss Lily, A shining light in the middle of the night, A priestess of the Life giver, Its a good change to see her, It is almost inspiring, and at the same time sad, I used to be like her, In her eyes I see the inocence I've lost since my departure from Audira, I feel pain looking at her, its like seeing that part of me that I have lost, I am ashamed to think like that, I am weak, She is strong, why? because she has not given hope as I have, To expect that everyone is good and that evil can be reached and healed, Its simply too wonderful to be true. My failure has proven that, and yet my path has been set for a greater purpuse, so she might be part of my own redemption? To help her to keep inocent, To help her to stay the way she is? . To protect her of the harsh that is the life. If all the people could see the world thru the eyes of inocence as she does. This would be a better place , the world finally don't need the knights and the wars would be over. A good dream but nothing more than that.
Agmu.. Augm. . Bah. .Noks. . That is a dwarf that is really a case apart, One that fights with his inner rage, I have seen some of his attitudes and well I am scared to leave him alone in a room with. . well with another person, he is rash, impulsive, and beligerant, And those are his good qualities, he for some reason seems to be in real good terms with Aarcus, he is always trying to guide him to make him to listen to good intents and ordered plans, At the moment he has failed totally on that attempt. I hope to see what can be done with him, he is to be put under observance, he still can be saved from himself, he follows Vorax as he claims, but the father of battle is more than just charging and killing there are ways and methods.
I miss Bella, I have started to make potions to keep her and miss Sam safe, This people i mentioned and myself did a trip last time, It was my first tme down those caves , the ones that are called of the red lights.
There is something evil down there. I assaulted me, and simply breathing there was painful, I hate to be this weak, just to see the face of Lily as she worried about my condition, and me unable to do something, It is simply too much for a man to overcome. And yet its something i have to do. In due time.
I haven't seen mom, I have a lot of supplies for her. Must go home soon .
*the scriture goes scarce to more scarce and lost any sense aftert this point, just to be signed at the end of the page *
Argos Stargazer, initiate knight in service of the hand of virtue.
*The night pass calm in the temple , but the young knight was unable to sleep, the sun greeted him as the first ray stroke gently his hair in the morning, like a caress, he simply smile as the sun reached his face, the man eyes finally close, he smile as he imagine a voice calling him from his dreams*
Rest now dear Argos, The night has passed ,
Nothin's gonna harm you, Not while I'm around *the man finally sleeps as the imaginary voice keeps singing on his dreams
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- The weaves of the past on the beaches of the present.
*Argos is resting in a tent near the beach in Krandor, a happy smile is drawn over his face, the morning rain falling over the tent, whispering silently of a soothig sensation all over the place, the remanents of a pie and bottles of juice are about all the place*
My first date with her. I barely can't believe it, she accepted to date me, and it came the most strange way. I asked to look for somethings properties, and It simply slipped away from me, I said that I had to compensate her in a way, Like sharing a pie and juice with her, then she came with the question.. Are you proposing a Date, Argos?
I must say i did not expected such thing, But I am happy for that to be happening, Now i just had to make sure it happened befiore Jurn appeared with his usual charm, to make her forgive me, now i am being silly.
We had not even set a time for a date, But its odd how Toran make things work, Some days after that somethng real strange happened, I was gettin go out of the temple heading to my usual patrol when a lady came near me, she was real fair in all senses, but her voice delated some saddness, or that was my impression, she came to me and started to speak with me, I must admit she has the role of mysterious lady quite well developed, She did not said her name, bur she wanted me to guess it, planning a cunning game speaking it on elven, I feel a bit bad to foil her game, _Another thing to thank to my mother and her discipline.
Yet then the strange part started, She started to flirt with me, My goodness, Then her words shocked me, She said that my father were going to marry her, I wonder why I don't know of this things, She said that Father was planning to marry her, even at despite that She was engaged to another man, My uncle Chaynce nonetheless, How shocking, That is not fiting of a knight. Hard to even believe, She said that he was in love with her before mom.
Why would Lance try to marry with a woman that is already taken, It simply does not make sense, yet something on her voice sounds odd, yet she said that that she and Lance did not ended well, she said that they tried to be friends but that eventually he deserted on her. That sounds like totally like him.
I felt odd, was she trying to hit on me, I really did not felt confortable at the situation, as the things with Bella are progressing, I should not give an open to distrust , yet I could not simply step away , that would be against all rules of ettiquete to be rude, yet The most strange thing happened, This lady Sil'via was already almost upon me, when she apeared, As an angel to the rescue, Bella came to us and see the whole scene, I felt real bad for that, but much to my surprise, Bella was not even angry, she looked at us and give Sil her best smile and greeted me with a big and sweet smile.
Sil saw thru my intentions and She asked her if I were "her" man, She did not claimed property over me, But she stood front for her date, Such a life saver.
Sil'via left us as she said that, Bella stayed at my side for some more minutes, I was still shocked on the revelations of the day, There was something that did not fit on all the story, Or maybe it fit too much, What if Dad wwas only with mom due being rejected by this lady first, yet its odd , She was flirting with me , with the son of her ex love. I don't even could figure what ... could even push one to do such thing. After this strange happenings, Bella asked for her date, And no way I could deny that to her, right?
After all it was a precious night at Krandor, the moons on her eyes have that charm, I am thinking i ma falling in Love tonight, Even with all the weirdness of the last days . This night made me forget everything bad and odd. all that matters is the here and now. The Bella and Argos.
I feel I could beat anything today ...
Argos Stargazer, Simply as that.
*The young knight awakes at the morning looking at his open journal, listening to the rain, he just curl up and return to his sleep sighing happily*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Of the love of the Redemtress.
*Argos keeps vigilance outside the room at Vehl, attaired on his turncoat, his hood lowered and resting leaning at the one of the chairs, his eyes wary for any movement, Vehl is not usually a place whereone should rest with cionfidence and the young knight know of that, For thise who knows him well enough , his inner tribulations are more than aparent, yet his duty make him stand, a half bottle of grape juice, is served beside him, So the hours passed*
Why her? Why now?
The past apears again, over my life, is that this failure would never leave me alone, May I be marked by it for the rest of my life? The face of the redemptress has come to reclaim the debt I left so many years ago. She could not sent a better Avatar to met me, a clash of fates, And might be in a way , The way she show he forgiveness? Or a way she ask for retribution, I owe nothing to her, I am a knight of Toran myself now, I am bound to the needs of the great leader, I guess that is why I feel this burden now. I can't leave the duties I had, The ones that truly defines me, I have picked the way of redemption, I mourn upon the loss of the inocence i had, But it something that has to be done. My call is a bigger one, and I can't live in the fear and pain any longer, I did what was needed at the moment, And I am proud of it, Dad would have done the same, and How could the great Knight of Toran be wrong, isn't it?
Rottie is not the same as her, Rottie is strong and carefree, he is open and independant, he has faced the perils of the faith and holds it strong, he tries real hard to be shinning example of the faith of his mistress, he has the strenght to answer and to defend himself, and his ideals, he always have been so helpful, and so willing to help, even a silly and inocent, My.. I start to see a pattern here. yet he can't defend himself, he walks tall showing himself as he is, he could always run and ironically in a way He'd be able to get the acceptation he is longing for, On that I hope I'd be able to help him, People tend to remember the mistakes too easily, and forget the good deeds so fast.
But she.. Miss Tyilaan, A shy and cute dark elf, I remember her, and the bad issue upon this is that she remember me, She knows, of my failure and my departure to look over my true self, and she is blunt enough to say that I must forgive myself, Of course I want to, But its not as easy. I can't but to think what could have be of me if I'd stay there, yet I 've decided to not give much tought to it, I've lived under that shadow for too long, It is just that she took me off guard, So shy, so helpless, I am a knight after all, Or well want to be one, I could not turn my back to her, All the contrary, I feel compeled to help her, to protect her, to spend time with her, Not for repaying but to empower her, To made her dreams of freedom and redemption realize, Toran sees the redemptress worthy, Its not easy to turn away the seed of evil as Az'atta has teached us it can be done.
Of course I asked her about her presence on the place, She told me that another elf brought her to the town, She felt like trapped on Audira, and she went out of it with the help of the one who saved her on first time , An elf by name Wren Thendor, see the surprises life brings, The very husband of my mother, This is too weird to be true, Must be some kind joke fate is playing on me. I'd wish so much to met this man, Or elf or whatever he is, I am starting to think of him as a myth. I've paid her a room in the inn at Vehl and will stay around her for this week, I have to. . no I need to know that she will be fine here, Fine that is a figurative spech, Like if her could be safe anyplace. Stop those comments Argos for goodness sake.
I've Introduced her to My Bella, She seems to have accepted the fact of her friendship due the only fact that she is my friend. So kind soul, just her simple prescence can lighten up any room where we are together, she listens and understands me, Oh.. My I am doing it again. I have to keep this objective. speak of love will do no good, we are friends , until she decides to take me. I'll be ready for taht day.
In the meantime I have to look over Tyilaan, well don't have, I want to do it. And maybe If i am patient enough I finally be able to face this Wren Thendor, so I can ask him all my doubts, To face him man to man, he might have the answers I long for.
Till then .. I'll keep vigilance
Argos Stargazer, knight of redemption and duty
*The young knight ,moves around the chair closing his book as some people moves near the door where his friend is resting, he stands and takes the hilt of the sword under his cloak , ready for the worse*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Musings about Death and family.
*Argos walks from one side to the room with a nervous step obviosuly angered, The book open in the small table, the light of a small candle make the shadow of the knight move playfully over the wall, twirling and moving all over the place as if trying to make the troubled knight to smile, failing totally on the task*
This is so ridiculous.. and they tell us that we are self righteous, They should look themselves into a mirror.
Life has been hectic, but what do you Expect Argos, really? Well lets start from the start, Death. always so near, creeping upon us. I am really grateful that I am bound really, It has made the whole effort worth the pain, Not to mention that It has made duty much more easier to achieve, Coming back whole is still a painful experience, not something I am so willing to repeat, By now I've blessed to not seeing most of my friends to die, I don't know how would I react to this, Nor Bella nor Sam, nor Rottie nor anyone else. its nothing i'd wish to see. yet I've fallen more than once in defense of my comrades, I need to become stronger, need to make myself invencible, In Toran's grace I've found the power to achieve good deeds, he is within me, stronger each time , as the water that fills a dam, slowly increasing, slowily filling me, Its a wonderful sensation, to do miracles in his name, But I have to be wary, If i am not with caution the dam could break, What use has his powers if not used for the well being of the ones who can't defend themselves, For them I could die if I have to. yet this is nothing i wish to do willingfully. The evil will have a hard time trying to bring me down to harm my friends and allies.
Last days I met some people, interesting would be the words I could use yes, The elves mostly. So carefree and open minded, They were going down into a cave full of spiders in the fabled silkwood, Miss Bella and myself just ran into them, The couple of Elves that seemed to be half brothers were named Raz and Zari, as they introduced themselves, As I said they were so care free, and well she is real odd, all a girl I must say, yet she could never be compared to Bella in my eyes, But again I am going down to that, I am glad she was there with me tough, and sad at the same time due the outcome.
We proceeded into the cave, and I could say it was the odd trip I had in times, I mean this people are supposed to be advenmturers, they are supposed to be tough and used to danger, But This lady zari, was scared all the time of the spiders, There was upon a time that she ended well .. not quite dressed due fear to have a spider on her clothes, All was going well till we reached the deep level of that cave, What I saw there, It was something worth of reckon, A Spider as big as a house, or maybe even bigger, I saw the creature as the Elf known as Raz charghed at the creature. The battle was hectic, AS I saw the battle defending bella from a tactical position, The nasty thing broake thru our lines. I saw it coming on our way , It simply came out of me, I could not have done anything else even if I could, I jumped front to face the dread creature before it gets Bella. I did not know what happened until was very late. All went black and then I woke up far from that place, My body aching for the experience of being spared of the realm of dead.
I realized in time of what had happened. I took the nearest caravan towards Haven, the only caravan disponible. Death is no good thing per se, and being bound usually make us to put less importance to what it really is, To die is part of the cicle they say, but for short is the fact that one can't see the person who dies after that moment in the world, I have not tought of it, tough , till this events happened, I wonder if that is the way Toran shows his wisdom, My father he is his knight and he is the role model of my life, Even if like it or not, I have to be better than him, but at this rate its I am a failure, I waited there to see if the group emerged towards the city, but what I found there was not The group, but to Tod, yes Tod, I greet him and he did the same, I don't know how we ended discussing about dad again, he was saying that I don't value him, the usual speech, I told him that i respect him as a knight, That I am proud of his deeds, but Thjere is no way I culd tell him, Not till I and mom forgive him, The problem are not his deeds as a knight, but his deeds as parent. Tod said something that really put me to tough. he Said that he will inform me when he die so I could go and tell him of how much O would be proud of him . That indeed has some sesnse, I haven't tought about it really,, What would happen if he ever does not return from the realm of dead, what if he just don't wake up tomorrow,
Those fears must be quenched, Tod has some right over this issue, but yet, I simply can't let that go as easy as that,
yet.. It made me wonder. .
I have to thing on important things, Some hours after Bella showed up on Haven, I was ashamed to see her, I fell defending ehr, yet it hold no importance for her, she ran, jumped and hug me with strenght, that moment I was totally out of me. She moved fast back for my shame. IT seems that she overreacted, But at least it is good to see that she got out there safely, and I was really happy for her to see that she already was able to call that Ball made of light to do her bidding,
I must stop writting here ,I dont' want to writte down soemthing I will regret later ..
ITw as not simply the most good of days ..
*Argos listen to the conmotion outside the room and looks towards the book, before he leaves towards the common room*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Abominations everywhere .
*The sound of sparing and heavy panting is echoes over the training hall, the lone man is seen striking the training dummy once and again after all, practicing all basic forms and styles of Sword and shield he is able to remember since the day he started to train for a knight, his face shows anger and frustration even as the cuts and movements he does lands where they are intended, the speed of the excercies increases as the time passes, and so the frustration of the man, after some minutes of continual practice the young knight do a final final strike, the sword escapes of his hand and lands far from the dummy, the uoung man kneels panting heavily*
Speaking of weird things, My goodness.
This month I've seen so many weird things, Animal men, or men amimal Aberrations per see, Or aren't they ? I ended helped a couple of towns with a problem that seemed quite similar, I can't beleive what my eyes saw, Men who was able to turn into beasts, by now all I ahve seen are assesins, by rage? of by choice? I've thinking a lot about this, I tend to believe that there is goodness inside each being, but this is something hard to understand.
What causes this affliction? I've made a research and I've found its kind of a disease, yet one that can't be treated by normal means, I've seen some information on the temple regarding this creatures, mostly a crusade made by a great knight long time ago, Clarissa is her name I thik, She has retired to the citadel, and her reports has served well enough. but no teport could compare to what I saw, all the rage all the viciousness.
Two kinds I've seen this far of the said creatures, Rat and Wolf, being the first secretive and sneaky and the second ones Vicious as the animal they represent, yet what makes them more dangerous is the cunning they show, the "wererats" were trying to stop the town from progressing stealingand smuggling the goods that caravan were bringing to the town, I wonder what would be of that town if we haven't discovered them, It turned that one of the villagers was one of them, I don't know if the change happened later or before, What I know is that he betrayed the trust of his friends and allies, How strong is this disease that make you commit such low acts? Or was that only a reflection of the own man desires? Could any of the afflicted be cured? Redeemed?
As for the werewolf, That beast did a great job with the scheme, I am ashamed to fall totally for it, And due that a lot of lives were lost that day, lots of inocents, and We almost lost Lily as well, She was disased. what would have done if she turned to be diseased , would I have what it takes to strike her down? She is my weakness as well , A dear friend, But this care is a weakness my enemies could exploit against me? I have been prayed for guidance, and to shun this feelings i have on me, It would do no good to anyone.
It is bad enough that my training has not paid enough , Those creatures, their bodies,so hardended as Iron, My sword could only made small bruise them, I need to practice, I need to become stranger.
yet can this creatures be redeemed? Are some that could be truly inocent amoung them? and how Might i find the sheep amoung the wolves..
I feel frustrated, all that blood, all that mayhem
Argos Stargazer, Seeker for hope.
* The man stands slowly and walks towards where the sword fell, he pick it up and walks back slowly, his eyes in calm expression , he look again at the dummy and whisper some words to the blade, a light sparkles upon the edge, and he smile a bit and breathes heavy, then jumps to the dummy again *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The frozen stepes of the north.
*Argos is sat over his bed at Toran's temple looking at some raw gems quizzically, he shakes his head and throw the alexandrite towards the bag and then he let him fall back to the bed tired and curl up over the bed with a smile*
What can I say?, Elves are just strange. I was traveling in the busy Docks of Leringard when I met with Miss Zari, yes that cute elf that had a loathe for spiders, She was a strange sighthing in that place, her clothes all fancy in bright colors, As I said totally out of place, I walked by the same street and she spotted me and greteed with a kind smile. This girl seems to be odd, I mean she does not even know me well enough, and she was like totally open and friendly, After our conversation, she asked me to come with her, Seemed that she was planning a trip with her family towards the north, the land named Krashin, she asked me to come to keep her warm, at first I tought she was like joking, Later I realized of my mistake.
Well she introduced me to her family, two more elves, her half siblings as I understand, The first one a male elven swordman that goes by the name of Zakariem, or simply Zak for short, since they seemed to prefer the shorter names, he seems to be a man of action and not many words, as I saw him his skill with that blade seems to hold great potential, his balance seemed to be perfect landing each strike where intended, his strides are graceful a perk that he shares with his family.
The second one was Milady Zira, yes .. yes I know. Journal, Zari and Zira, her presence was troubled me for a moment, she came with Zakariem to meting Zari, she could easily pass for miss Zari twin, she was a bit busy with her own bussines as I untroduced myself to her, she answered politely and returned the bow, she seemed a bit distracted, of course i did not expect for me being the center of atention right there, in fact i felt a bit strange amoung them. as if totally out of place.
At least amoung them was a known face, that sand man Amgine.. Lantife.. Landin.. Ah.. some sand company name, the one bella and I met some days ago. I don't really know how i got involved in this .. But we ended traveling to the north stepes of Krashin, I am sure this is one of the strangest trips I've had in my whole life, and look that one can see a lot of things in Venavar,
Well anyway, Miss Zari wanted so much for me to "warm her" there. I barely believe seh was like hitting on me so seriously, I mean has she no decency or that? I should not think those things of a lady tough.
Why the elves are weird you ask? Fine enough .. I am telling you.
We ended in a cold cave, they took me there to do acampsite in the botom of the cave. . for me to sit to "warm up" Miss Zari . . we cross a mine of alexandrites on the way, and by the sound of it, it turned that they won't carry them because they were too heavy, well .. There you go Argos, cutting and carrying the gems , acomodating them into a bag. and heading all the way back to Leringard. When we come leringard.. it turned that nobody really needed the gems. So here i am with a bunch of useless purple gems in my pack. hah!!
Amgine and miss Zira was like in their own personal argument / fight / discussion, whatever word you want to put there. She was so centered on that, My .. speaking of feeling like not being there, At least she respected my wishes of not bless me, that is some of the good side of being blatantly ignored i guess. Zakariem sir was like fighting himself, always wary and standing guard around. I have to recognize him that he never gots distracted. he is always keep the watch .
Well anyway.. here I am now trying to found a sense to something that obviously doesn'th have it. and with a bunch of useles gems
Wait till Bella hears of this. she'll die of laught on me,
Argos Stargazer. unwilling collector of gems and entretainer of Elves.
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- So... Broken.
*The journal set upon a small tiny table, is open with some sheets teared, and Ink around it spilled , the page reads :
Bella... why?
She is gone ? Why I am not surprised ?
And Why i can't just rip this out of me.
Toran .. . send your benditions and your peace to your favored soul
*The night passes slowly and silent with the young night resting over his bed in a n urestfull sleep *
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- From the ashes.
*Argos stands quietly looking at the empty room, he sits on the bed wearing only his pants, his tunic over a training dummy, his sight is lost in the way, and his expression seems as if he has not with any intention to get some sleep *
I stand in the face of duty , I stand in the face of duty, I stand in the face of duty,
Non sense..
What one has to do to pass this test ?
I was rejected again, Lack of discipline they keep saying , I just wonder what do they expect? I do my best every year? is this still worthy of trying? I .. I simply don't know, Maybe my path lies elsewhere.
Life has stroke badly always, and It has shown me that usually what i think i want is not the thing i usually get, Or maybe what i get is what I secretly want? I've been praying on this regard but yet the answers keep eluding me, Maybe this is the first test i have to pass if i want to be a knight? Or maybe this is the message of Toran that i should not be a knight if i don't want to be as dad.
Anyhow not much i can do at the moment but to show dedication and service to the great leader. I've made a lot of mistakes this year, And there is no one to blame but me. My house is broken as my heart was, I don't want to think more on this matter. I wish to stop feeling. It simply not fair. and all its his Fault .. Lance's fault.
But It is my duty to redeem him, isn't it? Shall I have to bring this burden and help him, I know this is affecting him as well, more than he coule even accept or show. he simply won't let that weakness to show. Or so it seems, he is paying for some pains in confinement at the temple, I never tought it would be so painful to see him that way. I think that deep I care for him, he is my father for Toran's sake and i've turned from this responsabilty, from this burden from too long . I won't do it again.
In the other hand, Life is not that bad,. I guess I have been blessed. Or healed by the most weird thing i nevr tought it woulc be happening to me.
Well journal do you remember miss Zira? Its really strange how the events turn, She is my lady now, she healed me.. figuratively speaking, I think I will secretly thank to Bella for this, I .. love her? DO i really love her?
how could i know ? She made me feel special as if I were walking over the clouds. I simply had to tell her, I had to give it a chance to this feeling.. and. . well I feel a bit silly really,..
She said she don't want to die of a broken heart, and she could not say the words, she said she did not know if she felt the same way, but yet. she kissed me that night.. what does this means? how can you be with someone without knowing if you love that someone? .. And how Toran allowed my heart to be filled by an Ilsarean?
What is the meaning behind this? Why I am feeling this warm inside my chest, why I feel i can beat everything, With Toran in my heart and her beside me.
She has accepted the limitations of her deity, and accepted my conditions, I don't feel well on this . well yes and no, I clap on her dedication for not allowing her instict of healer to taint my soul with the dread of Ilsare touch, but ... Does that means to be really love? Would I love her the same if she from some time on decided that she want to "protect" me with her blessings?
Would she love me ? would she learn to say the words?
And why I feel I have acted wrong in making her change on this regard ?
Its the right thing to do... Its how things must be done.
She is proving herself showing restraint on her part, At least that speak of her discipline, I admire that on her, she seems to be easily distracted by smaller things, but well I guess that is part of her charm, The truth is that she came to my life to show me how special she is, how is to be in love again.
Toran Be praised on this, I've faced a bad year , but he has deem me worthy, and his power I felt on my arms, body, heart and mind, as a whisper that aspires to become a yell , I have to help it to become a yell . I will be heard enough in the valleys so everyone could hear of his glory.
I am chosen .... maybe not knighted
I am favored .... who needs to call himself a knight?
I am .... A favored Soul .. and shall stand proud for the way that he has elected to me
Argos Stargazer, Favored soul of Toran.
*He keeps the posture standing awake for several days now , in deep meditation as if trying to figure the new path open to him and his life. *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Love that creates and destroys
**The room of the inn is a mess, the silence of the night is broken by the sounds of the broken glass all around the place, Argos lays still tired and resting his hair all deorganized, laying on the bed all covered in blankets , there is a strong smell of alcohol around the whole place *
How this can happen now?
On all the people of the world , how could they .. .
What can i do now? I am alone again. Well no.. Calm down Argos , Calm down.
I shall not fall on this again, this nets you nothing, I've smashed the rest of the botles on the wall, I'll pay for the damages that is for sure, but I cannot have this temptation with me any more, I have to raise, not for me but for those that rely on me.
She.. she finally said it, She said she loved me. I feel strange in her words, words have power, Words can make things posible that is for sure, and her words are said with joy and sorrow, she said that she has given up the idea of not being broken hearted, That eventually I left her due old age.
How can she speak as that ? so cold and so loving at the same time ? Is this what is ment to be ? She has kissed me and well her has made me think on things, No more booze on me. At least not as it was, Restraint Stargazer, Restraint.
I nonetheless can't avoid to get worried. Mom and Dad does not aprove this, From dad i am not surprised, but mom? It started with a misunderstanding I was being gentle and just .. . offered her my room, what do she thinks That i would be doing with here there I was going to sleep on the couch, ..
Like if I would disrespect her that way ..
yet I don't know. . she has spoken to me about that , but it must not be done, We barely know the other, and her attitude is starting to change towards trust, that is good i guess, nonetheless we are not married.
She said that she likes to get out and date with me. I am wondering what does that mean, I mean I've dating her all the time, I procure her ... *Shrugs*
She is kind and caring, But what do you expect from an Ilsarean, She still has leave out her instincts of "bless" me. What this test means? I feel some guilt on this, but .. . I have the will to fight for it.
One step at time Argos, One step at time. And eventually the gates will b open for you so the adage says.
I must keep the vigilance, and endure on the test. .
For her sake. . and more important ... for mine
Argos Stargazer, Tested ...
*the calm comes back to the wild surge as the patrons return to their own bussiness *
-
From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Father and Son
- Are you alright? - the young man asked to the knight that was sat behind the bars.
*As the man raises his sight , with tired voice he answers *
- Good enough my son, Come near , come near .
*Argos hesitantly moves near him and kneels , the knight extended his shackled arm to touch his son shoulder , with a weary smile *
- I am fine Argos, Don't worry, this was sought by me, a way to find the path, to not lose it, A way to find balance. *a sad smile apears on his face * I hope you understand soon.
- She told me - *The young man answered, his face breaking not able to finish the sentence , but his angered voice and his eyes full of blood betrayed his toughts* - I am sorry Father.
*Lance looked at him trying to sustain the disciplined look * -Don't be, she is not dead , and she is still your mother. And you must not disrespect her.
*Argos shunders as he says that, but sustain the look at him* Anyhow just wanted to see how you were, I know you don't recieve too much visits of late,not that I care too much of course.
- I've failed the test for knighthood again, Lance , I am sorry, But I think i am going to quit it, I don't feel like if it is beffiting me anymore,.
*Lance returned the look with a mixure of feelings * You should not give up on That Argos, you were the best trained for that, you only need to find the focus for it.
*Argos looked back at him with angered look * Find the focus? Look at you dad, how you can even say that to me?
- I know what you mean by that, And know this..
- I am not leaving Zira, you heard me? - he finally busted towards him -
*Lance just give him the look, the shackles restraining him to do any other action *
-You are looking for enemies were allies are, I did not say what troubles you, you did. *Lance said in low voice *
- I wish you luck my son, Just remember who you are, before anything else, Just remember where you stand and to whom you serve first. -
*Argos sent him a killer glare * Lance, Why? I've done all in my power for being helpful to you and mom, I tried hard, And The least I hoped is support of my family. But what can expect from you that keep voting against me in the knight test and her that decided to break my family because ... well she'd have her reasons,. but in a way I know its your fault. We are not you both you heard me?.
*Lance looked at him returning the glare * How dare you to speak me like that? I never judged you Argos, and your attitude speaks of the ignorance and confusion you are passing thru , yet I forgive you for your ignorance, and will pray that you'll find as forgiving as I am now to you.
As for the test, No words would convince your stubborn head I had nothing to do with it, And I am ashamed that your skill goes to waste, you were born to do great things, but you are too afraid of grasping that destiny.
You are not a failure Argos, but you want to be one, On that regard I cannot help you more, I love you my son, And will love you even when you come to me on this attitude. I am proud of being your father, But Why does that serves if you are not proud enough of yourself..
What will happen when you have to choice to do the right thing? Will you be able? As I have? Would you be there saying No.. I did not make that, Its dad's fault ?. I honestly hope you don't.
*Argos just looked at him his fist clenched * Lance. I should not have come, I came cause I promised to mom, she cares for you, But ... well maybe she is right, Maybe she is too good for you. *A smirk on his face *
*Lance keeping his calm posture just looked back at him* I love you Argos, but you are blind to your own self concived truth, I won't speak of your mother due respect, But just question yourself If there is any truth in your words . and if there is al the judgement would fall into the way you are dealing.
I wish you well My son, the visit time is over. I must return to my prayers.
And so do you to your chores
*Lance simply make it sound the small bell and turn his back to the young man to kneel and start praying again *
*Argos with his mouth open just turn himself storming out of the building , with Tears on his eyes *
-
From Argos Stargazer's quil and pen .- For Duty and Love .
*Argos is seen sparring hard with the dummy by the Stargazer's hidden shrine, his eyes filled in determination retaking the base poses of the style as fast as he can, his eyes fiilled in anger as he strikes and strikes again *
My. What is wrong with the world? Mom is mad at me again.. I am sorry to say this but I don't think she'd love me anymore, I don't know what is wrong with all this mess. What changed? My family is no more. Dad has steped back but i still see how his gaze got lost , I don't like that, he says he is fine, but part of him died already. Its simply not the same.
yet On the other hand. I should stop worrying about them, for doing that I am missing the Blessings i've sent to my life, Zira and I are better than ever, she has not cast a single blessing on me, and she does her best to help me, I just wonder... Will this work ? I shall expell the doubts of my heart and mind, and must keep my faith into doing my duty. If i don't fail to it, there is nothing wrong with it.
Yet I am worried at times, she is too ... mmm.. I don't know how to writte this, It seems that marriage is far from us now , the idea does not please me a lot, but we have been dating about a year now, and I respect her, I cannot think of her as other thing as my lady. and shall respect that, But. maybe i am getting idealist here, Dad had that vice and look how it ended..
Will part of me will die as well ? Begone doubt, Begone .. I am not him,
She loves me and i love her, The world seems to be against us, Ell , Lance, Razariem , Zari, Miss Daniella, Everyone has stated we'll fail. and We won't.
We can't ....
We shouldn't.. ..
**The page trails off *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .-
*The inn room is quiet, as the young man walks without shirt wearing only his pants, preparing some oat and wheat for break fast, he looks lovely towards the bed and then proceed with a smile on his face, Once the breakfast is done with the preparation, he goes and sits picking up his cloak and hugging it, rubbing it against his face, the cloak might be old, but still looks new, due the enchantment used on its elaboration, he then opens his book and start to write*
Dear journal, Duty is certainly hard to follow at times, this has been by far the most hard trip I've had in some time, The wolfwood rangers captain asked us for a capture mission. And I swear that has proven to be quite hard this far, and did not end as good as I expected. We in a way of speaking failed. the por girl ended dead by an odd disease. a shame really.
It was a trip that lasted for almost a week, and I see that i need to keep on my training, I got distracted and end badly wounded for the trip, my previous armor was ripped all over, I am so glad Zira gave me that new one, It could not come in better moment really.
She was a blessing to my trip, she was beside me all of it, and she stood when I was in illness, She supported me all over even if I've been the poorest of fiancee to her, Always busy , stoping to see her only when the time allows it. yet I know she understand I can see the sadness in her eyes, the longing, when she is with me and hugs me, she holds me as strong as she can because she knows i won't be there for her the next day, Yet she is wonderful. Beautiful and sweet. and well I can't feel a bit bad but to not to be able with her always, she deserves the best, what she has given to me it has no price.
I wonder why the people tend to be as that, on this trip I felt anger, This salesman, so greedy so ... I won't stain my soul with the words that comes to my mind and bring this feeling of indignation to my soul. I am ashamed since To achieve my goals I had to rely upon my father's name and for what , Is not my word good enough? I had to put in stake my heirloom in order of the goal of the group, My father's cloak... how could I see him to the face or mom's having losing it, And yet at the moment i felt was the right thing to do. I did not wanted to hae that woman dead, the net would serve for taht, It was quite nice of Rottie and Noks to come with me and Zira to recover it, they even gave part of their earnings to buy it back, I am so glad to have friends as this ones.
Then here I am, Spending the night with Zira, She is lovely, and in a way I should have not stayed , I feel this urge .. I feel that . . I don't know.. I don't regret to be with her, she needed me, how could i fail her, Ajnd why I feel this wrong, I need enlightment, I love her and I want her happy,
*he shakes his head* Snap out of it Argos, enjoy the time with your lady, you'll have the time to do the meditations when alone in the road again, Gladly you have the cloak back, so no dishonor fell on your name, I won't matter tough I did what I had to, But I wonder if Dad or mom would understand my proceedings, Its like if I don't know them anymore, Dad and I are getting together since Mom leaving him, I have seen him and we even share a pie together. I see his look on me, yet i don't know if that is disapointment, Or Pride?
I've tought and i will present myself for the test again, I'll prove them why Toran has embraced me with his kind light.
Thank you my Lord, Thank you for allowing me to serve on your name, and for the chances of striving myself into the holy service
Argos Stargazerr , Blessed in Toran's name by love and Friendship
*Once he finish with the book he spills some sand over it to dry the ink and then closes it, he puts on his tunic over his body and then take the oatmeal bowl he finished to prepare , moving towards the bed , to take out of reaverie to the lovely lady that lays there
Morning Stareyes , *he just whispers as he presents the bowl to her*
*
-
From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Jinxed
*Argos stands outside Toran's temple in Llast, glancing at the architecture his hood up to protect himself from the rain, he reaches for his necklace and closes his eyes muttering a small prayer, as he then heads out towards the road to Hlint*
My.. how is that this kind of things always happens? Toran send me your patience please, I've stayed in prayer and meditation for a whole day now, I had to leave the temple, I was starting to smell, need a bath, it has been good and enligthening , at least my soul feels at ease today, yet the answers eluded me.
Where to start ? Well .. he start I guess. Finally met with Zira for a well deserved Holiday, Geez ..a week without knowing of her not seeing her, As time passes I find duty taking me more away from her at each time. This is odd since I am doing toran's work, and i am not part of the church, not that it matters too much really, but some acknoledgement would be good for a change, I don't persue it tough, Toran has set me on this path for a reason, I should not doubt it.
Well.. I was troubled for me and my Stareyes. When we had finally a chance for a holiday, Then demons and pit creatures spawned from nowhere , She is wonderful tough and don't complain, its like if we had the call to do the goodness to the land naturally. OF course it was the right thing to do, I would do it again, and she .. well she did the same. By every holy sword in the world, we barely spoke during the trip.
This at least have good things tough, I finally have made peace with Miady Samminya, after my rash beheavior, she might not say it, and she will never do it, because in that she'll be accepting she cares for me , and i don't think she'll like to accept that idea herself, and I think we are fine now. she has forgiven me , Maybe she won't forget, But i won't ask for such thing, I was acting rash , and she has been kind enough to forgive me.
On the other hand Is this man Kolby, always pressing me about being stuffy, My if he only could see himself in the mirror, I think I understand him, even if he says that I confuse him to death, he is more likely to me than he would like to admit, and yet he enjoys to pick on me for my rigtheousness, maybe a way to tell himself that he is not like me, A self defense mechanism , I've heard of that.
We found this girl, That ended being a pit lord or something, Even if i forgive her. Cursed be the tonge of Samminya.. She spoke to this girl and in the next second she was already leaning over me and hugging me , in front of Zira, For goodness, this has been weird. I felt totally weiird on this , What I have to do to women stop jumping over me?, I am taken for goodness sake, and then Sam and her gossips saying i had three women, And then That crazy lady Rory, Who she thinks she is ? she speak with mom, and mom is telling my story life? with wich purpose ?
I feel awful fo my dear heart, She always have to deal with this, I feel like if i were cheating to her, I know.. she says she is fine. . But ... Am I really the one to blame in this?
Argos Stargazer . Jinxed
**the man keeps walking with a serene smile as he walks towards Hlint, humming a tune *
-
From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Away..
*Argos is seen in deep meditation , wearing his blue and white robe, kneeling over the altar with his sword and shield in front of him, his concentration is broken as Celia comes near him and playfully touches his shoulder bringing some food to him, he look up with a look filled with a mixure of feelings, she sits near him and they start to discuss , as they eat *
The test of The order of the Longsword..
I am able to present this again? is this the right path? I must say that this all has been quite strange, I've been here in Huangjin, for two weeks now, Its good to be back here in the citadel for training, Milady Daniella has sent me here to train under his father, Master Kendrik is a fair and honest man, and her wife strickt but kind. I must say I am surprised of this. In the other hand I find it quite strange really.
I've been here for two weeks from now, and no mail from Zira has reached my hands, I've been tempted to take the portal and go and search for her, but what Would i achieve in doing that ? I have to think better , and to show resilence. I've asked her for a year of abstinence before this, I wonder If i finally had broken her? no.. Must not be that way .. Maybe she is lost, Why else she had not written to me?
Two letters I've sent by now and no answer from her, I wonder what would be happening with her. But I must not falter on this, this is a test. Ï .. I.. Dont know what to do.. My heart feels that i must stay... this is a temptation... Zira. . would this love be as bad as everyone says it is ? NO.. I don't believe that. This what I feel inside cannot be wrong? how could it be wrong ? Is this a lure set by Ilsare ? I... must stay.. for her love .. I must stay true to my tennets. If i fail Then I'll prove them that they are right. that I lacked the discipline to be a knight. That I will be a shame to my father, and I won't be labeled that way.
Oh My family that is cut apart, I cant believe they finally had closed their doors to me, I guess was simply too much for them, Not like they are a family anymore anyhow. Mother said she loved me. and then she does this, They did not even allowed me to see to Keira, Lance not even allowed me into his presence. I Love them but..
Gladly my training has keep me busy, and to see this place again has cheered me, in good grade, Celia is a boon, really, She makes me smile , when I am sad, I missed her , but She is not Zira, and i can't stop thinking on her.
But I have to finish this, For her for me and more important .. For Toran
Cillnya Dragonbane
**The young couple finshes the meals and walk down toward the training arena *
-
From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The eyes of duty.
I've noticed dear journal how painful is the way of duty at times. I've seen and felt the harsh blade of it all over my life and I doubt it will stop soon on this.
What duty will carry me to do? What my blade has to do when the right time comes? Dad was right.. I was so childish. I was a coward to accept what i was doing and who I really am. I was so affraid that I blamed on him of all the bad things taht happened to me.
But what i did the last trip have no name. I almost killed her and my friend, My eyes were blurred or my mind cleared to see what I really see? I am affraid to harm them, I saw not my friend.. I saw a dark elf and someone who tried to stole Zira from me, he had hitted on her twice, I love him as my friend , we have lived a lot of things together Why I would distrust him enough to try to kill him?
And her, how could i hurt her? I fought as if she were my sworn enemy, I can remember each strike each pierce *as some tears start to show* I wanted her dead, She said i was confused, but no i wasn't It was her, I saw her clearly as the day, If i were confused i would have seen a sucubbus or a vampire, but no.. I saw .... her..
And with all my might I pierced her body, I remember my blade piercing clearly thru her shoulder and the feeling that it brought a feeling of duty, a feeling .. of joy and the most important of all ... A feeling of my heart being teared appart at the same time.
We spoke of this, Its us against the world she says. And she is right. But I am to be trusted ? I know that I love her, but at the same time, I have doubts on where this love would carry me, I don't want to harm her, And if duty takes me away as did with Dad, I'll end harming her, badly.
She stays with me, and now she's sleeping, She doesn't get worried upon this, she says this was not me. But it was. I know it was me. I should not worry her more. Some people would say I should left this pain to myself, but not me. It would be stupid to carry this burden on my own, when I have you to help me with it, So in you my Lord I'll find support to carry this pain, I know it will never go away , but with you it will be enough for i to not become a burden but a learning experience.
What do i do? My Lord, Send me your peace, I know I could not call me your knight yet, But I know that you love me, I am trying to be accepted by your church, and proceed with my training as intended.
Protect Master Kendrik and Milady Rebecca, since they have taken care for me and has done all in their power to help me to reach you, I pray you for protection for my friends Rottie, needs your guidance, I see in his eyes a too familiar feeling, part of him has died since we were taken prisioners by the slavers, The inocence in his eyes is long gone now. For him I pray to show him your light and your enlightment I've seen in his soul the potential to do good, he's a tormented soul. Help me to save him.
Finally Protect my father, your knight, From any harm, Let him know that i love him, even if i should not reach for him yet, I've understood all his teachings all what he wanted me to watch, to learn, by pain and trust.
Protect my mother, I know.. I know.. But she is a good woman, and I love her, I submit you to your will, But at least bring her no harm, Allow me to get away from her path in order she could be happy, I'd wish her by my side, but If its not her will , nothing to do about it, I am not changuing who i am, She in a way raised me to be the man I am. Just protect her .. Let her to be happy in the life she has choosen.
And finally I'll ask you for guidance for me and my lady. you have given me the freedom to love, And I've tried to keep myself into your path, I'll give you my thanks for that. And will today promise you that I'll keep on my purpose...
The test should be come near. I won't fail this time. .
Argos Stargazer's initiate of the order of the Long Sword
-
From the quill and pen of Argos Stargazer - A ligth from the past
*Argos sits on the bed of the inn, looking at himself on the mirror, a grin on his face as his hair seems to be all messed for first time in a while, having a sligth on his discipline the sprouts of a blonde beard can be seen on his face, he looks at the puoch at his feet with a intriguing look, as if expecting an answer from it , in an itempestive movement he kicks the pouch, sending it to the wall, with a Thud the puch impacts the wall and a lot of skelleton knuckles flies in all directions. With a sigh he sits and then lays down in the bed*
Women. They are a mistery on their own, I don't think there is a single man out there that can understand them, They are impulsive, rash, and well non understandable.
Guess better start from the beggining, I've met another Toranite on the last days, her name is Lucia, or as that she introduced herself, I must say that is refreshing to see her in action, she's blessed by my lord, in a way I'd wish to be blessed, She's a priestess of the hand of virtue, ordered and officialized in the ranks of the church, I must say that when i learned this i was a bit nervous, I usually don't see many of priests as travelers. I offered my help to bring her protection and assisance as a knight should do, That is what we work for no? Well even if i am not a knight myself yet.
We did some works for the locals on the southern mistone, During the trip i felt something strong. I felt my soul to be ligthening, with each blessing some weight was lifted on my soul, with each word, my heart bleed and pump of goodness, with each strike i feel justice and HIS holy might coursing thru my veins. Its something i had not felt since that day in Huangjin, The day of my true awakening. What does this mean , What else could mean, Argos. You are choosen, means that my choice of retaking the test will go well. The reward for doing a good job is the chance to do more work they say.
My convictions were tested and i think that this holds a message bigger that i could even fanthom, It was during the trip on the Vehl Crypts that We witnessed the arisen of some odd undead, All dressed as pirates and hard as nails to strike, have Toran sent her for me to protect her of this thread? Or was it the other way? We found a inteligent undead by the end of the cave, The specter and I battled sword by sword, As the battle past and Milady Lucia was striking over the rest, She came to help and when she clenched her sword into the enemy i had the chance and Toran be praised, we put the body of this undead to rest, the threat of a curse over the town. But there was nothing else that we could do on that regard.
I migth be biased, but i tought it was a deed by that necromancer on the gloom woods, it has been years since i've heard of him, Not since that three day of tracking him, he's waiting and well .. I am sidetraking here, Maybe I tought that the gloom forest would hold the answer, Its hard to explain what happened there. We faced and battled the undead of the cursed forest with no respite, I must confess dear journal that i had sinned of pride when fighting with her, I was figthing without blessings all the time till we faced the pirate leuiteniant, I consider myself good enough with my training to face most of the things we did thus that place, but Even then I felt good to be able to do so, I guess i didn't wanted to show her the powers that had envisted into me by my lord, how she would react to see what I was able to do with Toran's power, Being outclassed by rank but not by power, One of my demons to face. And I've dedicated a day of praying to this regard.
That is where the mistery got thrown over me. after we got out of the forest, She turn to me and told me that I was secretive. then she ran off to hempstead in a rampant of ire, Starting this moment she stayed away, not wanting my help, She fell to the kobolds near hempstead , I was not close or fast enough to save her, And i don't think she would like to be saved by me anyhow.
Guess that is why Dad always said, you can't love and understand women, its imposible to do both things, I'd go with love. But what to do when they start to act as that. I do not understand .. We are supposed to be like minded, we are supposed to be stronger together, I just hope she does well on the adventures and the path Toran has set to her, She outranks me.
That day we met Aunt Daniella, and she gave her a iron plate, Another toranite that gets the atention of the vault, since Argos still have to keep his toes to get his things, I guess that is because I am no part of the church.
I do need to meditate, so the light can erase this doubts and brings wisdom and understanding on where my place is, and what my priorities are . The order of the longsword is waiting,. I shall not falter, In Toran's name I won't fail again.
*The night fall on the silent room , as the young man fell victim of his own dreams of tests and great adventures*
-
From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Facing our demons.
-Be happy with your other family -
The woman said in calm and broken voice to the young man, for that moment the world seemed to freeze for him as he saw her walking into the streets of Hlint, walking away from him and of his life. as the man observe the woman walk he was unable to follow and the reality seemed to be changing as his heart got ripped by the mixure of feelings.
Then he woke up.
A dream ... again the same dream.
Laying down in the beach all wet, his eyes getting used to the star ligth, For first he in his confusion he saw an elven girl with worried face, but as the reason started to come back to him, his eyes capted the reality, a human female near his age, someone who has saved him in the past so many times , his friend Celia, gazing at him with a worried look almost crying, she was wet as himself he noticed inmediately after.
Then the clarity came back to him, he had came to the beach in the night, to face his fears, he got out without nobody noticing, Of course Master Kendrik nor milady Rebecca should know of this shame ful fear, IT would not be acceptable, this is as everything else, something he had to acomplish on his own, he cursed to himself fue his aparent failure, and thank Toran for had sending Celia to save him, She was really worried but his concern become anger when she learned what he was doing there.
Argos had not been the same since that day with the battle sisters, The day they jumped and subdue him, no matter his best effort , the very day those three throwed him to the Hlint pound and he almost died by drowning. It is not simply right that a knight have such fear for water, and it must be fought and conquered.
Once he recovered his breath he look over Celia with that apologetic smile, he had learned to supress his anger and frustration along all this years, he had learned to smile even in the worse situations, In Toran's light he'll be fine, he had to be, The world had enough complain for him to be complaining more. he had to be strong, or else he'll fail.
Alongside all this months the young initiate had been trying to beat this fear to water, with little success, he was starting to feel despertate, desperate enough to go and try to beat the fear without supervision, Even him at this state had to accept that was foolish.
He stood and tried to dry his clothes with the breze of the beach. the night was so overwhelming to the senses and the two toranites stayed there obseriving as the moons made their pass over the sky. Both under the close supervision of Toran's mighty star, always watching over them.
Celia and him argued for a while, but in the end they worked out their issues, She of course would never understood the stubborn man point of view, and the initiate himself would never accept in public to be wrong. Well maybe after much insistance.
The moonlight watched the two Toranites walking back towards Huangjin as many times before in the past,
-
From Argos Stargazer quill and pen - The test .
*The sand storm strike hard the small Settlement of North Fort, in the arid dessert of Dregar, as the cruel winds strike vilently the scarce palms and the tents at the same time, The people on the tenrs gathered around the small fires to get some warm on the night all covered in wool tunics covering their faces and bodies, chatters over the tent, a feeling of tense calm over the place, knowing that at least The giants that dwell the dessert won't dare to attack in the middle of the storm
To the casual observer , the man in the corner would not look diferent to the rest of the locals, save for his white skin and his blue eyes, wearing the same wool tunic as the rest of them, the thick blonde beard and his uncut long hair of the same color. Also the marks under his eyes , with calm and distracted stance as he holds his book *
Dear Journal .
How this happened? By all the dangers and situations I have passed, why this? why now ? Why when its so near ? I've harmed her, By my actions but I've done what I had to do, I have doubts, The prayers does not bring me confort anymore, not knowing how deep wound i have caused by my action and inaction.
How could he dare? Who gave him that right to make the choice for us? He's my beloved uncle, he's supposed to do things that are good for me, And yet he did this for our good? I am sure he believes that, yet I can't forgive him. Not only for me but for her. she asked me to promise that we were alright. I couldn't say I was, not after this, I was so close to lose everything, and maybe even her, What should i do? If this is made by someone who cares for me, what should I expect of those who actually wish me harm? how can i protect her of them? If was unable to protect her for a "good" deed.
Mother and Aunt Jill came to the rescue, they avoid the tragedy, Even Zira knew that it can't be done, but when i was there on that state, I was so near to throw all over to the board, I was so vehemtly going to say YES. And she would do the same, That is what worries me, I know of her true wishes, And I am affraid I have the same ones, at least regarding to her, she's the woman that was born for me to love. yet iut has to be on the wrong spot and the wrong faith. Or maybe the right one?
I've spoken to Aunt Daniella, It put in a way my soul to ease in helping her, yet I haven't seen her, nor anyone else since then, Its better this way, I need time in solitude, time in meditation with my lord, I've sent letters to my father, Keira, Zira and Mother, to let them know that i am alright, I've sent a note as well to the bank and milady Elohana so she could get the rent of the room, after all she's not the one to pay for my problems and The room is still being used so the trues shall be paid.
I've been wandering over, passing some days in Mistone and so tempted to go and see her, But not yet, I am still not ready, what would i tell her if I don't feel whole myself, By this seven years part of my soul is feeling dead, I am not even sure I would like to speak to Celia about this, She knows me too well, And since her advice is usually sound, I don't think i would like to hear truth right now. Because deep in my soul , I don't know what is true. I can only find one truth right now. Its us against the world . That my heart keep whispering, But how we are going to fight and win this battle ? What is the right strategy?
I am confused and lost, I've sent a letter to Master Kendrik as well explaining my procedings. I have not put down my training. and kee practicing with passion every day, this town I've helped in the past, The captain knows me and well the pay is not good, but well keep me trained and give me the chance to help people that would make me feel better. help always does.
I am better as the time passes, I just hope that i should have not caused more harm with my mouth, I slip something that i regrest now, I just hope she would understand that I was not throwing an acusation, Since I don't have proofs.
Toran help me to find peace, And Please give Zira patience and discipline to understand my proceddings. I know you won't care for Ilsare, I submit myself to your wisdom and will, but I know as well that you are a Lord of goodness, and that you do the best to give a shape to this world. For this reason I pray for your grace and light on this times and the darkest hours of your knight.
**The man look over his face reflection over a bowl of water, his other time brigth eyes now darkened by the shadows of doubt, he touches his beard as if not believing is there. contemplating the scene, without taking notice of the big figure that aproached to him on his back*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The cycle of life.. Lives ends, lives begins.
*The young man is seen, tears in his eyes sit at the bed on the room, holding the hand of the old lady, The light of the candles and the silence of the house added an eerie feeling to the room, The old lady eyes filled in joy for the presence of the man, They chat and laugh beetwen tears, remembering a lot of thing*
-What's wrong with him ? doesn't he learn ? -
I don't believe this, I came to see Keira upon hearing of her sickness , and come to find this?
Oh Dear Journal, why? Seems that as time pass, life becomes more complicated, I have not being accepted in the church yet, I am still training and well. its not easier when enlightment hides from you, And now this? I've finally accepted that My family will never be together again, It was a hard step, but now this?
Keira is very sick, I don't see how she could get better of this, She seems weak, and his eyes speak of rest, I don't want her to go, Father is not here as usual, yet I don't see how it could have helped the situation, has been near six months that I haven't seen him or spoken to him, Despite Master Kendrik orders, Its something that i should not do yet. And how i can do it with this now ?
When arriving *the word home is striked* here, I found that he has done it again, Keira says i should not get worried, That she'll be fine, But having another child under his tutelage, and a girl nonetheless, Its simply something i don't get. I know he did the best he could with me, but that is not enough, how could he expects to raise a girl,
On other regards I've finally spoken to the owner of the Twin Dragons inn, Regarding our personal project, I've found the artist for the work in Huangjin and now I only need to start to get the materials and the trues for transportation for making it a tangible reality. I don't know how the people can stand this?
People should wake up, and see what happened here, This is not a tantrum of revenge, no, this is a call for truth to be uncovered, how can people rest when they disguises Arson with measures for safety? how the people who died on the fires are guilty of any of the things this man Steel has commited. A war they say. How is posible that the autorithies could consider the threats of a single criminal and take seriously a war declaration? That is simply not right.
For now that is all, I'll stay here for the rest of the day with my Keira, but can't affort to stay much time, Duty us calling me back in Dregar soon. and the temptation is too strong here. I must not falter.
Argos Stargazer .
*As the two speaks. the small figure of Myla walks over the the room, she looks oddly at Argos at the same time she goes and hug Keira, And at the same time asks him with the curiosity that only a little girl could have .. .
-Who are you?
*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- The sword that pierces the heart, Or the sheath that holds passion.
*Argos stands quietly standing in the room, the whole world seems to be spinning around him as the initiate loses the concience falling heavily over the blue rug , his hand holding a letter and his other hand touching where his heart is, tired his body was unable to hold more finally collapsing into a deep slumber. *
Its done,
Were rottie's words the key of this? Is Toran the one who spoke to me to ake this choice? Or its just me on my own selfinsh desires that I am fighting about, I had to left her , with great grief to my heart, Left her before I pierce her heart and destroy the wonderful woman she is. It's not about that, Its about me, I am for some reason a seed of chaos for every life I touch. I know people would not say its true, but i know it is.
I feel empty at the moment, yet knowing that I've hurt her for last time conforts me in a way, she's so kind, This letter will be forever with me, and Ayle, well there is no words to keep with this, I've placed the little bear besides that flower that Lucia gave me, yet this room does not feels the same, There is a feeling of hollow that creeps everywhere, Now, I am alone.
No family, no love, just Toran and me .. The test will be on the priorities now, That is what i have to tell me to make me go thru.
Zira.. My promises stands regardless. Even if you are not with me. Is this the true test for me? Is this the sacrifice i have to do?
I need to meditate, to think. . To forget maybe? What is that ligth at the end of the tunnel, Is that hope?
Toran send me your wisdom, you are the only one i have now.
**The silence fills the room as the man finally sleeps after rough nights and harder days *
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From Argos Stargazer quill and pen .- The waves of redemption. thorny and dark as the nightmares of the men .
*The young initiate stand in the beach, only wearing his leather pants, again this morning as everyother morning in the last week, As he takes his patrols near Audira , his campment is simple and near the beach taht so many times saw him when he was a child.
He stands there , feeling the morning wind in his face and body, his hair free in the matinal breeze, as looks to the sunrise, he stands there silent, after some minutes he holds high the desserbloom flower in his hand and walking towards the sea he drops the flower to the sea, and observes how is it taken away.
His blue eyes looking at the ocean as he tries to drift his toughts in the waves before turning his back to the sea, and start to prepare himself for the patrol.
The waves strikes the beach over and over , The words "US against the world" seems to be blurring, and disapear after the waves caressing the soft sand, Again erasing it as everymoring in the last week , and as it will erase it in the next morning.
The man dresses and start to walk towards the exit of the town. Alone holding with strenght his anhk on his hands *
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Parenthood. and love . Curses and Blessings.
**Argos sits on the couch, pondering on the course of his life, and as cleaning his chest, he arches an eyebrow upon finding the old book, how long has passed since he reached for it, it seemed as if he was reading another person memories, he smiles secretly as he sees the first page with that crude draw he made of his family, how inocent was then, he was happy and he didn't knew it , oh how he would love to have the "problems" he had now, children should not grow up, they are happy with their small duties, but they are too focused to actually noticing it,
His father once said, Its a shame that the youth is wasted on youngsters, it sounded silly at first, but now much of what his father said had made sense, The duty of leaving those you love for the duty, he wondered how many times his father had to leave home without turning his head back, to look back, he wondered how he felt when he was having his own conclussions on his own mind without having all in the account.
He just wondered . . .
As he was reading over , the poems he once wrote, the letters he kept and the ones he never sent for not making things worse, Zira is happy at least, and in the end things turned good for her, that at least it was a burden less to his soul, She had her twins, and is loved, Something he could never have given her, and well. not something he had desired anyway . . then .
How things change in few years, the once confused young man that wrote in that book to the man that he is now. A knight finally after lots of tests and a war on his shoulders, he had seen a lot of death, and his hands are full of blood now, he had taken more lives he could count , and he was not proud of it, yet .. a knight has to do what a knight has to do .
As the night advanced he turned to the small crib and watched down the two small boys, almost identical as the moons. One bigger and stronger than the other, and yet the oposite and balance of the other, Life had odd ways to teach him lessons. he had been scared of this moment, somehow he still was scared, But there was nowhere to run on this one, no exit, he had to step up and be a man, Somehow those two had changed him. how would he be called to them, when he didn't wanted them on first place, he thought it was his duty, but slowly as days passed duty became other things, he was simply proud of them be quiet when he carries with him, how they rely on him for protection , warmth and love. How wise was his lord on sending this to him. Perhaps that was the intent, Perhaps his cue to start being a man.
His companion and him had their issues, he didn't feel he could trust her as couples should be, It is odd, and stiill he loves her, somehow that cheeky farm girl had won his heart, heal it, not sure, but was preety close to it, Rory had her own issues as well, and she seemed to be better with him, he would never say that he healed her fully, same as with him , their pasts will haunt them forever, It was bad to look to those pasts, but perhaps the boys showed them something to look forwarrd, A future together . ..
Letting the diary aside , the man wrote .
""From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen, " But nothing came of it, he sighted and then smiled,
-It is like in the beggining , how dad and mom were able to write so much .- he wondered asking the same question as when he was a kid.
With that he pulled out a couple of empty notebooks in blue and gold and let them rest on the table beside the crib, looking down at his babies Ausir and Aidan filled his eyes, with light and joy, it is hard how something that small could bring so much joy .
**he start to speak to them
- Ilylaem - *he said to Ausir , then turning to Audan he spok - Ilewil -
**he was checking with her mother books of the language . he wanted them to learn his grandmother languaje, Things were discussed with Rory about leaving the boys some time with people who speak the language, But that will be on the future, his boys are for him now.
**he stayed with them speaking to them , then returns to the bed, where his tired companiong was, Resting and taking the whole bed for her, he shaked his head observing to the farm girl , stubborn, pround and still lovely, he never thought they could end together at first, but now there she was, laying down resting and tired of waiting for him , it counldn't be helped, he had things to do, before more thoughts of guilt came to his mind , he put the book gently on the table and slip into the bed, hugging her and drifting on deep sleep .
Tomorrow will be another day
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen - Wedding and love , duty and love, Is ther anything that doesn't come to spit love on your face? *
**Argos is seen practicing without his shirt, dealing with the old drills of his old days of training for knight, he stoped and cleanse the sweat of his forehead, returning the sight to his sons, they was there watching him , he was so sure they didn't understand what was happening, but they looked at his drills still with the same atention as if they were the most versed in combat techniques *.
*He had to destress out, they had an argument again, The wedding came to the subject again, he still don't understand the situation, so far things were going good. and then this came, and things started to change, they seemed to argue often, and he was felt push away in more than one ocassion, he was aware that he is not perfect, and that perhaps he had this well deserved, But what he couldn't get is how things changed, and why they couldn't get to a solution regarding that *
**He caressed the twins heads, smiling at them and looking at the preety boys that now stood in front of him , Ausir was all excited and moving around and kicking , Aidan, more conservative just look at his father as if wondering why he had the hair that long*
*Argos looked at the boys and thought of the irony on his life, how now he being a father would make his life change, he remembered some months ago to have been present as his parents married in the middle of the war, he was there for them, and lots of mixed feelings on his head, his father and mother would never be able to get a son of their own flesh and blood, and here is him now having their own, Now. the situation is. they finally married, after aeons it happened, they splitted themselves and they got back together and they married , when all seemed dificult and against all the situations they mary, and he again the shadow following him, he had no issues no big troubles , no impediments, and still he had doubts *
*he had said yes once, but a big misunderstood came it was eithe she didn't heard or he wasn't unable to express his intent well, and now she lose no chance to speak of the marriage on his face, over and over, the remaks hurting him each time she mentioned it. He managed to do it again, he knew that he hurt her with his doubts, and still it was a two player game, he is in pain as well , add to the mix, that he seemed to find Ilsarenas even in the milk, every thing was like spinning around his head , So many signals and yet all of them decieving, he probably was thinking to hard, and all that was coincidences, he should know better than to give credit to "ilsarean omens" in order to make a descicion*
*he had to think a lot , and kept his thoughts aside, he needed to pray, he took his kids with him and sit with them , as he started to pray *
"Oh my Lord. . hand of virtue, send your light to your knight on the day of need .... . "
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- The cycle around the life
*Argos seems frowning trying to figure out how the blasted diaper is placed, this usually would not a big trouble with so many women in the house, but not today , it has been one of those days that everyone seemed to be busy, Another test the knight thought.
Ausir was not making it easier for him, as if the boy knew that his father had close to no experience with the diaper, the boy kicked and rolled over to put his father patience to a test, in the mean time Audian smiled happily at the exchange , things were completly diferent with him, he liked to be clean and neat as if he had learned what the diaper use was, he did not gave as much trouble as his brother. All of sudden Aidan burst out laughing as Ausir did the final mischief to his father , without notice the big boy decided that he wanted to pee, and the knight could not do other thing than cover himself with his hands but was too late, the knight threw a glare at the big boy which started to calm down as if knowing that perhaps he went a bit too far this time. The moment of peace didn't last much , and the voice of Argos son made itself present , a big cry sound around all the room, now he noticing that not having the diaper was really not that good idea.
At this moment a worried Rory entered the room and with a frown looked at Argos all wet, she laughed a bit once she saw that her sons were alright * - Aww Darlin. you look so cute - *the woman grins half teasing half conforting him with that lovely grin Argos loved so much .
*The knight shaked his head at her, with a teasing movement he gestured to her, but after some moments he prefered to go and take a shower and let his partner to deal with the troublesome Ausir, oh that boy was strong.*
*Once he took the shower the Stargazer's castle seemed empty again, he observed how Rory was feeding his sons, he stayed at the door's frame looking at the scene with mixure feelings, there she was, the mother of his children feeding them and caring them , that woman and him had passed too much time and too many things over, how bad is for them to live as they were. Argos bitted his lower lip, for once accepting how scared he was, not for her, as the time passsed , he had learned to love that woman, to trust her and to see her beside him, and yet,.. the marriage, Looking at her there sitting and dedicating her life to his flesh and blood. it was not fair for her, But what about of him? he was not fullfilling his role, and despite of all , he was affraid of the compromise. that came to him as a shock , finishing with the dry of his hair, he entered finally into the room, and with a kiss on Rory's cheek he sits beside her and half hug her.*
- You know . .. I love you. Thank you for being here for us, *smiling * We'll be lost without you .
**AS the rain kept falling on Leringard the light went off as the new family prepared to sleep *
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From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- Songs of joy
**Leringard was calm that night, the eeric silence around the room made the moment a bit more unique to him, sitting on the coach Argos Stargazer, was looking to that letter, his eyes stern and at the same time deep in them peace and pain as he read over and over the lines, he slowly folded the letter again and put it back into the file where he kept those things then back to his backpack , it was as the letter said a harsh one, but he deserved each one of those words, still somehow it brought him peace, for once he was doing the right thing , it was a good way to start to do the right things on his life. removing the overwhelming feelings of his head, he headed out to see his sons,
Aidan and Ausir, again laying there playing with each other, the tough man stared down at them as if trying to catch their atention. he inmediatelly changed his features to look friendly and loving, a game they had secretly developed , they loved to see his father, and his father somehow as days were passing was starting to understand more and more about parenthood, those born in a harsh world. and they'll need him to protect them, to nurture them, to help them to be decent people, but over all things for love them, their mother was also there for them , but he knew for his own experience the importance of a father, they don't needed a detached father, so again time to do things right. The young man sighed a bit as he leans to pick up the babies and start to confort them , he took them to the couch and sitting there with one in each arm he looked at them, the boys calm looked at him back, awe on their eyes. he then start to do something he had not done in long time.. he started to sing.
A frind of me has hinted
that is a feeling beyond be right or wrong
That I'll get used to each change that will come
When i got the news that I'll be father
Geez. I don't know what should do
If i should laugh or cry ,
Or to learn to sing lullabies to the babies
To be honest i can tell
That i got affraid of a sock
Too little for someone to wear
That I feel terrorized for a small shirt
With mouses and buttons
that i think that i'll be going much faster than now
To the laughter house
That I can't resist the curiosity
To dream on the years to come
That being taken by a hand
to being trusted by someone
And being called Dad
*As the night goes and the songs transpired the three Stargazer's fell asleep *
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Form Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Family , duty, True call .. what does that mean ?
**Argos sits on his tent, his wife to be to come soon, she went out to find water and some food, he was in charge of preparing the tent, the desert can be hard to stand , but they will manage, even on the busy town as North fort is, The last raid of giants was succesfully put back, and so the knigth rested knowing that at least they will have a night of peace *
Well its done. I did it, you know journal, I asked her to marry me, I gave the ring and some promises , which i in the end fullfilled. Its funny cause now the twins are growing up fast, they spend much time with Keira at my father's home, i am glad and hope they help Keira to recover of her sickness.
We spoke and we agreed to have another baby, this time was diferent , not driven by fears, and wildly , but this time feels diferent, its expected and we were blessed, she is pregnant again, I really don't know what to say , other than Thank you Toran.
I wonder if this was my path since the start, I've met the students of that fancy program that Lance and aunt are doing. It feels unreal really, those young ones are lucky, It puts in perspective a lot of things, What would have i do for a program like that. but of course my mind was fuzzy and when i was their age, well My thoughts were in Audira.
It puts a lot of things on perspective, I always thought myself a failure. I was the son of Lance Stargazer, always trained and be the best on my excerscises, and yet. I failed on my test and now i am sure despite being acknowledged by the church. I'll never be like my father. And perhaps its that I was forcing it. I've been following a call that its not mine perhaps?
At my age dad had fought several wars, and was a shinning example on the church , I must say yes, I admire him for his courage, And I've been unfair to him, still i can't help the sting on my soul and sometimes it goes out in a bitterness i don't want to feel , yet its there. I on the other hand , helped Audira, but what were my reasons for it? I saw most of my childhood friends dead there, War is awful indeed. I am affraid. And yet .. what is my call ?
Why i did not went to fight to Hilm? Why did i stayed on Mistone? I do what i can for help. but now i understand more. Its her its my family that kept me away from the war. Was it is perhaps that Lance doesn't feel me as i feel Ausir and Aidan? Its the fact that i am not his blood and flesh? I don't want to think that way, My parents always had shown the love for me. same as for Myla. But now i see it. My duty was to protect my family, I was not at the war. I was where my father was not during the war . I was there for them. Am I wrong on this? Its there an answer?
**he raises his eyes as he looks at Rory as she comes walking his way to the tent, moving her hips as she walks towards him, he does a small note on the journal *
All i know is that I'll be my best to protect her and my family, Its a gift by my lord i have to take care of, Perhaps more wars will come. And Perhaps other time i'll be like my father, but not now. And that is the big diference beetwen us.
**He sets the book aside allowing the ink to dry and stands to help Rory carrying the things for the night *
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen
*The house smelled to old wood, and at the same time to new hopes, finally a place to call home, bought with sacrifice beetwen friends , Rory and him had used some time to gather the resources, and finally was ready, the roof reparied and the house ready to get inhabited, the couple smiled carrying each of them a small girl on its arms.
Orn and Keira had born one year before, and they had become the shadow of their parents, as the time passes and the boys grow up the presence of the "shorties" as the girl's brothers call them had filled their lives with the emotions that only small girls can give, Argos was still fighting with the idea, he at first thought he was cursed, to have said so many times that he didn't wanted kids and now so full of them, and yet he couldn't deny the happiness he felt to see them growing and develop. Orn was so devout and she was the one who most seek him, she started to pray with him when he had the time more than her brothers ever felt the call, it was something that he may like about his daughter, Keira on the other hand made a perfect match to the one whom she took her name of, Patient and smart, always knowing where to follow and what to do, the only thing that she didn't shared from the Big Keira was her will to speak, she was more shy yet her eyes spoke millions of ideas with a single look. They had the abilty and love from their parents, something that irritated a bit to the big boys. Yet this did not prevented them to enjoy the time together. Argos didn't felt that good that from time to time the boys had to stay with the so called aunt and uncle Keela and SehKy, that place had a lot of issues to him. the room he shared on his past, his Ilsarean issues , and above all, the burning of his room during the dark elf curse that burned most of his past life memories. Still that Elf was important for his Rory, he had to accept and trust his wife to be insight as well, he prayed yet that his sons don't forgot the path. and even if the Ilsareans were not bad people his inner issues won't let that alarm to pass out.But the only thing he could do is to pray.
This was not the time for worrying though, As Argos heard the voice of his sons and the running steps on his back he smiles at Rory and look back as the boys entered the house, all covered in mud smiling happily.
- There is a lake near the house Mom - Ausir yelled .
*Both parents smiled at the boy and nodded* Yes , there is , now you'll be able to swim there if you beheave, for now leave your boots on the outside and prepare yourselves for a bath, we don't want to get our new house dirty isn't it? *Rory said *
- Aiden stroke his brother arm - Told you. we shold have gone to bother that old man before coming home . - *The brother answered with a nod*
*to that Argos interviened* - Hey you two, stop bothering Master Shiff please, he deserves some respect, he has been fighting over this land for way before i was born and he is way older than you, the grown ups deserve your respect. What is what those ilsareans teach you? -
- Rory smiles and touched his shoulder whispering to her* Now you are asumming that, They are good people, don't believe you should be putting the blame on them without actually knowing? - *whispering to his ear, knowing the issues Argos had with the education and the ilsareans *
*Argos nods slowly to his wife to be and addressed the boys* Now you guys found and prepare your bath. your mother and i would need to prepare dinner and we then have our first dinner here.
*with that the boys moved out of the house to prepare the shower, Argos shaking his head , under the smile of his wife, the Girls just look at the other noticing that they had not the atention of their parents at that moment, they broke to cry at the same time, Argos and Rory look at each other as well and sighing happily they returned their atention to the small girls in order to calm them.*
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From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Life and parenthood.
*The silence was broke that night, Argos blinked and jumped in emotion as the yell filled the halls, too much used to it to his own liked the man looked even less nervous now, looking over to the door, awaiting for it to open, and to show the allowance for him to in. and so it happened ...
Amoung towels Keira showed her old face thru the door and with an intrinsic order given with a very look Argos knew he had to move inside. there she was his Wife to be laying down with her eyes closed and Myla holding to her new niece , Argos eyes widened as the miracle of life filled his home and family again and ran towards to check out his wife. Feeling the touch of his hands over hers Rory smiled weakly and whispering sweet nothings to her , he rested his head over her shoulders.
Then Myla approached to them and placed the new girl into the mother's arms, they both smiling .
- Seems you have talent to make pretty girls darling - Rory whispered barely and lovely, showing the intense work and tiredness she was having from the hours past
*Argos shaking his head whispering back to her* Me? No way . I was not even trying the talent is from the insporiration of our lives, one Chocolated haired girl *said non-chalantly* Just wait till my parents know of this one. Mom is going to get crazy.
*Keira saps Argos head softly* Leave your folks alone Master Argos , you got them enough problems already.*Argos inmediatelly rubs his head after that giving her a look but removng the look almost inmediately as Keira glared him back* But i did. . *looking up again and then low again * yes ma'am. .
*The new member of the Stargazer's family, A reddish haired and blue eyed girl bust to laughter changing the crying she had done so far just when he saw Argos and Keira interaction *
*The Family was happy , there was a good reason to be*