The World of Layonara
Character Development => Development Journals and Discussion => Topic started by: Hellblazer on July 25, 2009, 05:36:24 AM
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[SIZE=16]Wren and I got off of the boat a few weeks ago, and we proceeded to get me some things he thought I would need. But after we got them and went out of the store, a large crowd had appeared in town and I got scared. I lost sight of him in the crowd and unfortunately I then got lost.
It's a few hours later of searching for him that I stumbled on a familiar face. Argos, the one that had fled at night the temple. Not the first one and not the last one. I wasn't sure what to expect out of him, it was apparent now that he was following Toran. Was he going to arrest me? Was he going to take me down right there and then? People can take a long time to change for the better, but it takes no time for them to change for the worst, and I was scared. He recognized me also, but he was calm and caring.
We talked a little bit of what had happened, and clearly he says he has moved on, but he is only lying to himself. Slightly irritated at his attitude later on the evening I told him exactly what I thought. i was surprise that even his friend agreed with me. I think he was even more surprised.
I am keeping a very low profile for now.. I don't know who I can really trust beside Wren, and I haven't seen him since that shop.
Looking for him across Mistone for the past few weeks, I have done some little jobs for those who were even willing to talk to me. I have also explored the lands. It is vast and so much different than the desert or even the deep. I have come to learn a lot of new spells too, some I learned all by myself, by simply analyzing the potential, others with the scrolls I found. Two of those spell are very interesting for me. The first is called Magic weapon. It has the ability to make my arrows even sharper. The other one is flame weapon. At first when I read the scroll, I thought it would surely burn my arrows to bits. But no, the magical fire didn't burn my arrows but it is almost as if it imbued them with fire. I could see the effect of the heat when it hit my targets.
This makes me wonder. What if there was a way for me to do this, but without having to cast a spell on them? Could it be possible for me to practice this ability so much and master it so that every arrow I touch, instantly becomes imbued with those effects? I remember reading something about special archers back when I was at the temple in Audira, but I don't remember what it was exactly, there was so much to read about. I don't know who to turn to for this kind of information.. even more who would want to help me find out that information. After all, the look on the faces of the people in Vehl told me right away what I could expect. Although they didn't try to lynch me, I could see that many were afraid, many wanted nothing to do with me and looked at me with disgust. And more would be all to waiting to see me alone to kill me.
Argos might have been right. Maybe I need their help after all, if only to stay alive.. but can I trust them?[/SIZE]
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I have still not found Wren, I hope he is alright.
On the other hand, I have met some new people. Some by chance other presented to me by Argos and Annabelle. The first one was by chance while I was practicing or at least trying to, imbue my arrows. I was having little luck, until he arrived at the camp fire, engrossed in some book he was reading. It appears that he is able to actually do to his sword what I want to do to my arrows. Although it's different, for him it's some kind of ability he has to tap in each time he wants to use it. Through our talk I have told him what I wanted to do and he told me he knew someone who could do what I was seeking to do. Her name is Jilseponie. He said he would introduce me.
The others well not really introduced but still. As Annabelle and I came out of the kobolds camp, we stumbled on a mean spirited woman called Tyra. SHe scared me and while I was keeping away she kept insulting me, while Annabelle was trying to explain to her what she was doing. Later on a commander of Rofirein arrived, her name is Jennara. I jumped when she just came by myside and whispered hello. I was cowering behind my ox and didn't see her come. We whispered for a while about that Tyra. Apparently she has a big mouth that doesn't think before acting and that she is also cowardly. Sayign stuff but not doing them because it would bring her trouble. I am glad that this seems the truth, maybe I wont really have problem with her. Jennara also told me that the law of these lands would protect me if any one tried something to me. It's somewhat reassuring. Later on came a man by the name of Storold, Anna knew him. He appears to be a teacher at an academy, and we talked a little. He will leave a note to a certain Elohanna, to see if she would be interested in teaching me. He also appears to know Jilseponie and told me where I could find her. I will wait though. Might be best if I am introduced to her instead of just popping up at her door step.
In any case, I have learned new spells today. And I have also made my first arrows. It will take a lot more for me to make them easily, but it's somewhat rewarding to see that I am not useless as my father said I was.
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I have met with Elohanna, she was very reticent of taking me as a student due to what I am and told me she needed time to think about it. But in the end she said that she couldn't take me as a student of the tower but could as a personal student. It's not definite though, we still have to talk and she wants me to see her in fort Llast. I will be able to further my understanding of the al'noth with her, and hopefully with Jilseponie, once I finally meet her, I will be able to learn her ways. To combine the al'noth with my archery painlessly and effortlessly is a dream for me And I wont let them down.
I am so happy also, I saw Wren! finally! He was in Way fare just in front of me when I portaled in, I jumped. He was silent at first, probably in thoughts but when he started to talk he asked me why I was hiding myself. I explained to him that the people of these lands were not as tolerant as he was. He then told me of great heroes that helped these lands, heros of the same race as I. That I should not be ashame of who I was. And that if I was to wear the hood, it was not by shame, but so others would not be scared. I still don't think it is wised for me to just walk in towns with my hood, but maybe with time when I am more known and understood that I will bring no hardship to people.. maybe then I will be more accepted.
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I have reached a point where I have become stronger in using the al'noth once again. If my father could see me now, who would be the useless in between the two of us?
I have met with a strange person that calls herself Darth. She thinks that I have made some kind of a permanent deal with her to keep her secrets, but truly.. if I was to speak of what she plans to anyone, they would surely think of me as crazy. We had a long talk about how our race were dying off because of how they act between each others. There is some things that are true, but others that is totally false.
And now I have a task. Miss Elohanna gave me my first assignment after she asked me to show her what I knew and what was my interest in the Al'noth. Now I have to make her a scroll of each spell of abjuration from the first tot he forth circle. She didn't' tell me what I needed, that is part of my assignment to find out what is needed. She is a rather nice person, and even apologize on how she had greeted me at first. I think this could be a very positive learning experience for me.
Now to meet this Jilseponie I was told about. She is the key in all of this for me to master enchanting my arrows by simply touching them. There are other things that she can do also, as I was told. And I can't wait to meet her, a long life dream to combine my magic to my archery.. In the mean time I will keep training my concentration and trying to move the Al'noth from my self to the arrows without casting the spell.
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Miss Jilseponie and I met finally. Introduced by Iradril in his absentminded state that he had stumbled on us while we were already talking. She said that we needed to travel together so she could judge of my skills and see if she would teach me. She is rather nice though and I hope I show her that I have what it takes for her to teach me. It's been sometime since I have seen her, I should probably send her word.
Beside that I have found that trying to get the skullcap I need by myself is.. deadly. I managed to escape, but only barely. I think I will have to result in buying the supplies I need from other adventurers.. which might be a slight problem. I will have to tell Elohanna of this step back. As the skullcap is the main reagent needed for the agjuration scrolls she wants me to make.
In the mean time I have spent a lot of time with Tray and Vrebel, both are nice and protective of me, which is good. We have met with many people and they seem to act as a barrier telling them that I am shy, which seems to stop them from prodding further. Vrebel even made me a nice compound oak long bow. It's a shame I can't use it yet, but I know he will smile when I will be able to. And Tray has offer me many new spell scrolls that I didn't have, which was also nice. We have visited many places I have never went, I find it enjoyable to travel with the two of them.
Beside that, I have seen a few times Wren ever since we traveled from Audira to Vehl together and I got lost in the crowd. but the last time I saw him, he completely ignored me, even though I was standing right beside him. Even when I told him I was going to leave because there was too many people at that gala, that it made me nervous. He still said nothing at all to me. Not sure what that means but I left frustrated at him.
I think I'm going to go and visit my friends at the temple in Audira. It has been some time.
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There has been a few things that has happened lately, firstly one that really scared me. Tray went and openly mention to a total stranger that I was a dark elf.. what was he thinking? Good thing the other person didn't pick up on it. But unlike what he whispered back, to me that I should stick around with him and Vrebel for protection, they won't always be there to protect me, and what then? But things are alright, they are still fun to travel with. I even made them a little surprise, made a new outfit for when we travel alone. They really liked it.
I don't know why though, but I now feel uncomfortable with Argos.. or is it Alazira.. or maybe both.. I saw them get close, and the closer they got.. the more uncomfortable I became.. It's a strange feeling one I don't really get. We are just friends me and him.. and I should be happy if he finds happiness with someone he deems worthy of him.. but still. I don't know. It churned my stomach around and brought sadness in my heart for some reason.
On the other hand though... I met someone intriguing that I don't really know what to make of either. A woman that was sold like me, to be a slave, by the person who was taking care of her like me. She was always winking at me and all and smiling when we were traveling with that group of dwarf up in the forest of dregar. It's strange and it also was making me feel the complete opposite than what I was feeling when I saw Argos the same day. It. was exciting.. confusing too. Her name is Mai. I don't know what to make of that either.. I'm really confused lately about a lot of things.
I know my goal, I know I can reach it. But yet for either Elohanna or Jilseponie, things are moving quite slow. For one is my inability to find the materials I need to make the scrolls. Although she did send me a letter that she wanted to meet soon to discuss something. I hope she hasn't changed her mind about teaching me more about the al'noth. And on the other hand, Jilseponie has been a total absentee. Beside meeting her at fort wayfare and her telling me she wanted to travel with me to gage my abilities, and without a doubt to see if I was even worth training, she hasn't been around to make up on her desire. And without her guidance.. I don't know how far I will go. But I am not going to give up. I have been training a lot, both on my marksmanship, but also on trying to imbue effortlessly my arrows without the use of a spell. I was aiming to high at first, trying to get to the arrow right ahead. Instead now I'm trying to channel the energy to my fingers without again, using a spell. It requires a lot of concentration, but in the heat of the battle, the time to sit down and concentrate is not one I will find. I need to be able to do it on the stop, with all the chaos around me, the sound of the battle, the magic being flung around. I need to be able to do it there and then, without thinking. But the first step is to master the channeling part. I am sure this is the first step, how else can you imbue the arrows without that step?
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Silly silly silly me. There I thought that I had figured it all up, that all was clear and that I knew what was expected of me. I thought I was brighter and wiser than that. But apparently i am not. What can I say, my father was right. Well not totally, but partly. To say I risked my life for it them, them that I thought I needed them. But no, I did not need them. I had misunderstood all of it. So much time wasted, so much pain I felt trying to get close to them, but never being able to reach them. Just out of my finger reach each time.. those pesky skull caps. But as I met Elohanna yesterday, she told me that there was a misunderstanding. She didn't want me to make the scrolls, just to give her the list of ingredients needed to make the scrolls... i swear, I was feeling like jumping in the water and let me drop to the bottom of the sea, as much as I felt ashamed, even more so that Mai was there when I met Elohanna after receiving the letter saying she wanted to see me. So I spent the day today, going over the recipes for circle one to forth circle of abjuration scrolls and I am almost done taking down all that is needed.
While Elohanna and I were talking, Mai was goofing around in the background, juggling with pin cones. She was wearing that beautiful purple dress that really fitted her well. Since I have gain some trust with Elohanna, and that she already knew I am a dark elf, I felt comfortable enough to take my hood down, to the surprise of Mai. I thought she knew, with all the time we spent together down in haven mine and on the trek across dregar. But I guess I was wrong. She looked at me shocked, but not the wrong way. I guess it was a pleasant surprise for her, and somehow.. I can't explain it, she seemed to be even more friendly and closer after knowing. We talked for a while after Elohanna left, until we were disturbed and I had to cover myself again.
After going into the glooms wood and covering ourselves from the annoying rain. We managed to dispatch all the undeads from that place and got her a nice cloak that will help her avoid things. We went to Vehl to have the tailor work on it and when we got out, we stumble on Argo and Alazira... Again I started to feel sad slightly and uncomfortable, but Mai managed to keep my mind off of it. I hate lying to Argos, but I couldn't tell him what was wrong when I don't even know what's wrong myself. And with all the excitement and all that traveling, there wasn't much time for me to pay too much attention to that. Also with Mai there, it made all of that seem a lot more bearable, even if I could hear all of Argos and Alazira whispering about me.
Once the trip was done, Mai and I decided to go take a swim At the Stormcrest. I was looking at Mai swim after I managed to warm the water slightly with my multitude of fireballs and combust spells, but didn't went in, what can I say, I don't know how to swim. That's where we made camp with Annabelle who joined us soon after.
On the other hand, I have still not receive words of Jilseponie. But it doesn't mean that I am not training. Like I wrote before, I am still concentrating on channeling the al'noth through my arms down to my elbows and to the end of my fingers. It's painstakingly long, and sometimes I gets headaches with the hours of concentrating I have been doing, but the other day I was surprise to feel a tingling sensation in my fingertips. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination, or that I have strained something unconsciously or if it means I succeeded in channeling the al'noth, but I will try and try again. until I succeed.
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*A simple letter is slid under the door of Elohanna. Inside a fine, white parchment is folded neatly in three. Once unfolded, the reader can see a graceful handwriting of red ink.*
Dear Elohanna,
I am sorry it took this much time to get this list to you, but I have been slightly busy wandering the world. There is so much beauty on the surface, that I find myself loosing myself in the exploration of the many lands. Things are so much different than the deep. There is much peace and tranquility here. Much more than the books of the temple ever described.
I have completed a while ago the list, but unfortunately I was no were near Fort Llast to leave it to you. I hope you can forgive my tardiness.
Joined to this letter is the list you asked me. I truly hope to see you soon.
Tyillaan Selaama
*As the reader would turn the page she would see an other white Parchment written with red ink. The same graceful handwriting as the other page*
lesser ink
1 skull cap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey
average ink
2 skull cap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey
greater ink
3 skullcap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey
Level 0
Resistance
1 spell of resistance
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser ink of abjuration
1 dust of green stone
level 1
shield
1 spell of shield
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser ink of abjuration
1 dust of fire agate
level 2
resist Elements
1 spell of resist elements
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser abjuration ink
1 dust of phenelope
Level 3
Magic circle against Alignment
1 spell of magic circle against Evil
1 blank scroll of oak
1 abjuration ink
1 dust of feldspar
Level 4
Stoneskin
1 spell of stoneskin
1 blank scroll of oak
1 abjuration ink
1 dust of alexendrite
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I.. I am wanted. I can't believe that. I have always endeavored to stay clear of trouble with the law, and yet because of a crazed elf, me and other people that went to that meeting and now wanted by the law. I even heard of a witch hunt, people bringing in heads of dark elves they killed. I am still scared of the situation, but Mai has been supporting me through this. I was scared that the people I knew could get drawn into this unwillingly, even more for her. But she told me she new what the risks were. I'm not to sure why she told me that she new what she was getting in to... all of this is strange and.. I have found myself to think of her greatly in the past months. Missing her presence when shew as not here with me. It's somewhat like what I had felt when Argos left the temple, but without the sadness.. just longing to see her. It's confusing and I don't really understand it.
It's all because of a meeting that we had at the fire of the goblin waste lands. We were talking about trying to find tokens.. relics items that would destroy some anti-magi pillars, and one of the elf there, Valaca or something, went and spread lies that we were up to no good. Iradril, Deutches and I were there, and we had to leave for our own safety and the others left too.
Speaking of Deutches.. I don't know why she kissed me on the cheek, but it was weird and then I couldn't stop thinking of Mai.. why is that?
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So much things has happened lately that I do not even know where to start.
Firstly I have completed my assignment toward Elohanna, and am now waiting for my next one. I hope she brings me something challenging, so I can learn more about the al'noth, how it works and to better understand it.
I have traveled with Jilseponie as of late, and she gave me praise for my understanding of tactics and also how I handled myself against the constructs. But the best news is that she said she would train me. I am truly happy about this. She has given me the assignment to train at dallos lake fishing the trouts there. Saying that I had to be as good as hitting them 90% of the time. I have to say that that is not a hard thing to do. As of yet I have hit them with all my shots. But I keep at it, and as she suggested I train to enchant the arrows I shoot, concentrating so that the Al'noth moves from my finger tips to the arrows. It is hard, and strenuous, I wounder how she does it without even thinking about it. But if she is able to, then so can I. I will master this I know I can.
An other thing important happened to me. It's so strange and so new still. For month now I have felt butterflies in my stomach each time I thought or saw Mai, I couldn't explain it. I had and still have a hard time keeping my mind off her too. But when she talked about lover's on our trip following that horse Sadie.. I'll come back to that later, I didn't know what she meant, and a few days later at the Stormcrest we had a long talk. And in a quick motion she kissed me. My first kiss, I was breathless and couldn't say a word. After that she taught me to swim, it was interesting to say the least, terrifying also, but she was there and she reassured me. Then.. then w. when we were tender like prunes... she took me to Vehl to the inn, the rest is best to be committed to my memory, but only to say that I have never felt that way before. She was right when she said that it was like I was tying to keep in my emotions and pleasure until I couldn't. Now we are a couple, I think.. it's hard to say, all of this is so new to me. But she said she had no expectation, just to do what I felt like doing what felt good. I don't know where this will bring me, but I am excited to find out.
Now for that horse.. what is there to say. I knew something was wrong the moment I set my eyes in hers. When we finally got to Jasmine the which I got to understand that the woman in the horse clothing had brought this up to herself, and was punished for stealing the brooch that belonged to Jasmine. I managed to convince her to give it back and she was transformed back. The most beautiful lizardfolk woman I ever seen, but such a.. well I forgot the name of the female dogs. And then she left, without a second serving of what Jasmine could give her, and so we left too.
In my many travels as of late, I have learned many new tricks and spells, and still I think I will learn more soon. I just hope that I can master enchanting my arrows without any spells soon.
I wonder what Mai's up to now...
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What's the use..
Today I did something that I should be proud of.. But what's the use.. As Darth, Vrebel, Tray and I were preparing to continue on our expedition, A man came running to us, bleeding profusely, yelling that his son had been kidnapped. Without thinking, we jumped into action. Uncaring of our own safety, and without even thoughts of compensation. At least for me. But really what's the use. Here we fought countless bugbears, I know Az'atta would have cringed at me for what I was doing, but I was trying to save a life. To offer the gift of longevity to a small boy so he could later on learn of the peace she can give through her redemption, hopefully. And as I noticed later on, the boy was a follower of Deliar, a friend of my precious Goddess. But again what's the use. As soon as Darth open her mouth about me coming from Audira and that her father could explain to the boy what it meant, after he asked why I was all covered up. The father became agitated and decided to hastily leave the area with his son in tow. So I say once again, what's the use of aiding and willing to put your own life to help others. What's the use in willing to better myself and become more than I am.
I look at the world around me and understand that it seems easier to be greedy and ask of others more than they asks of you. Using them for your own gain, as someone is trying to do so to me, than it is to do good deeds. It is easier to fall into the path that leads to evil, than uphold what is truly good and could be richeous. Life is precious and shouldn't be taken in vain, even your own. But even with all the good deeds I do, rare are those that sees it and can see past the color of my skin. No matter how much I try to devote myself at becoming a better person, it will not be even be acknowledge by those I try to help. They all seem to have their reasons. My race, the fact that even if I wasn't there, others might have done the same as I did. But the fact remains. Temptation to take the easy road is always sweeter an more attractive than the road I strive to stay on, as the lady of peace inspires me to become.
So I say what's the use.
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I've been training on the fish Jilseponie asked me to train on, and I have found that they are easy to get, even though that Giant is a pain the right cheek. At first I was trying to avoid him and go around, but after a few times, he almost surprised me and I had to kill him. He didn't give me any choice, and wouldn't stop attacking even if I told him I didn't want to kill him. So I had no choice. I decided to move my training ground after that.
That's where I am now, in Dalanthar. Training on the trouts schools I have found there. They are really to easy to catch. But the good news is that I think I am getting better at it. I have felt the Al'noth move from my fingers a few times, but I don't know if it staid imprinted on the arrow once it left my fingers. But I am getting better. I wanted to tell Jilseponie when I met her there, but she was in a hurry to rejoin a group that had left for the rift...
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a69/Emcha_Audio/Tyillaantraining6.jpg)
The rift.. nightmares of my past. I have been asked on a few occasion to go there, and each time I have felt this suffocating fear. How can I be this afraid of a overgrown cave? Part of it is being scared of being recaptured and put back on the slave market again.. but I think .. maybe.. that part of it is fear of stumbling on my father once again. I have grown much stronger in the Al'noth since he sold me, and my skills at archery has increased greatly also. But still, what would it be like to meet him face to face? Would he try to finish what he started the first time? Or would he try to kill me this time? I don't know, and all I know is just the thought of that place gives me chills down my back and shortness of breath. No one knows about this but Tray, he kinda figured it out when he asked me the first time about going there.
On an other news, I have almost completed to gather all the iron I need for my construct bow, but I have still lots of silver to gather. No news from the dwarven army for the sand bags I have ordered from them.
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With the room that I rent, almost completed, I have found a new place to train. I have set up an archery range in my huge room. It gives me the chance to practice without loading up the kitchen of fishes. But at least I can train here, no matter what the weather it is and I can do it undisturbed by monsters of all kind.
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a69/Emcha_Audio/Tyillaantraining7.jpg)
I'm just excited by all that is happening lately. Elly's teaching of the Al'noth. Jilseponie training me to become an Arcane Archer. Mai and I getting together and exploring life sweet pleasure, love and more. Life is being good to me at the moment, and I will enjoy it to the utmost.
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An archer of my talent should be able to do her own arrows, was what Tray told me the other day in Vehl. While it is true I am training bows so that they never run out of arrows, and specific arrows for specific task. It may be beneficial to my understanding of what Arcane Archers are. Jilseponie had told me that I had to be ready to defend my party and those around me at all cost. This is a sacred duty of the Arcane Archer that goes beyond the simple fact of being the ultimate archer.
And so, I have started to train fletching and bow making, in the hopes to better understand the principles of archery. Not that I am not already very proficient, but one can never know enough.
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a69/Emcha_Audio/TyillaanTrainingfletching.jpg)
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For the past year now, Jilseponie has been training me to better control the flow of the Al'noth that flows through my body. "It's a mind thing" She said, and so she has been giving me some concentration exercises while she was doing much to break my concentration. But in the end I think I could finally feel what she was talking about. I could feel the Al'noth move upward from my center to my shoulders, and then from my shoulders down to my arms and slowly to my forearms. Finally after much time and much concentration I finally felt it reach my finger tips through the shaft. The training shown me how to release the arrows with the sought effect. It is not as potent as I have felt her own, and I still have much to train in, but now I know how it is done.
She told me to prepare myself as soon I would have to go through some test, to prove my worth. I have no idea what king of test that is, and she would not give any precision, but I feel it will be something quite life changing. I know I can do this, and I will.
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Hmm I am sorry my diary if I didn't put pen to paper more this last year. It's not that I had nothing to write about, but more of .. I don't know... Lack of interest maybe.
Well first of, my trainings keeps going on. The fishes and the archery range in my room are getting their fare deal of my arrows. I feel I am this close to getting my dream finally realized. Still all this training is making me bored, but yet I keep going and going.
Maybe that's why I haven't seen Mai in almost a year either. Last time I saw her, I showed her my room and she loved it. She also loved the gifts I gave her, and well lets say that Night I hoped Elohanna wasn't home. But her visit are becoming sparser and sparser. Maybe she had her fill of me, I don't know. Maybe she needed to see her priestess more.. Maybe she just got bored of little me. I hope not..
But even if I do love her.. yes I think it's love.. so new to me, but I am pretty sure it is. Even if I do love her, I can't let her absence put me down and distract me from what I have to do. Training that much has the merit of keeping my mind busy.
I have also thought a lot about what Elohanna asked me. How did the Al'noth helped define me. It is truly a hard question. And I think the answer is, that the Al'noth is as much a part of my very being as the bow is. It has molded my mind, my spirit into becoming better. Always wanting to learn more and become better at what I do. It has giving me the strength to endure the loneliness, but also given me the way to simply hide who I am better from the others when I needed to. Not because I am afraid for them really. But because deep down in me, I have always hated what I was. Always hated my skin and eyes colors. Always hated what my kin did to the outside world. And through the Al'noth and archery, I have found myself. I have found I could help out people, mostly my friends. Help to protect them, make them stronger themselves. I don't think I would be who I am today if I didn't have the Al'noth in my life. And maybe this is the only thing I could give thanks to my father. No matter the scars on my nose and chin, from the beating he gave me before selling me. He showed me I could be better than him in every way. That, might be the greatest gift he could have given me.
I'm not sure if this is what Elohanna would like to hear, but this is as close as what I can think from what she asked.
So bored... I miss all my friends, Tray, Vrebel, Duches, Argos and Alazira, Gorm, Log, all of them, but most of all Mai. And I'm tired of staring at that fire place. Time to take a walk.
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*Tyillaan wakes up in a jump from her reverie, sweating profusely and screaming, it takes a moment for he to realize that she is in her own bed, her room, in Elohanna's house. Still trembling she drags herself out of her bed, taking with her the red satin sheet that she bought for her and Mai. Wrapping herself in it, she sits in front of the fire, rocking back and forth, the tears still falling over her cheeks she looks into the fire for a while before finally taking her journal, and with a trembling hand she starts to write.*
Why... why? Why would Az'atta let her own children die, when she could have saved them?.. Why would she sacrifice the life she has sought to protect and better? Doesn't she realizes that by the inaction of her church, she is in fact destroying her very principle? That they are as guilty for the murder of her children, than those that plunged the ceremonial knife into them? By doing nothing, they have in fact made them selves accomplice of their murder, betraying their own brothers into their fate.. Breaking her very teaching of not brining harm to someone.
How could they just stay there and mourn the life of their supposed friends, comfortable in their beautiful temple and their beautiful garment, safe from harm, while they were being tortured to death?
I can not believe that this would be the wish of Az'atta.. I have lost faith in them.. in their ways of perceiving her love and grace.. In their hypocrisy. They would be able to defend themselves in the church, but they can not outside of it? They cannot defend their own people while it is clearly written in her words that they should?
"Do not, however, take up weapons or dress yourself in armor unless it is to prevent harm from coming to yourself or others."
They have become idle and complaisant in their ways, forgetting even her own precepts. And by their own actions they have not prevented harm to come to their own brother and sister from. They disgust me.. all of them.
I and Rottie alone, in the whole temple, were ready to try and save them.. To not be idle and to try and prevent harm to come to them. Rottie and I alone from all of the followers of Audira, were ready to sacrifice ourselves to obey her teaching.. And with the help of those that seems to cherish life even more than her own follower, we tried to saved them. And the word tells me I have turn my back on Az'atta? We were not attacking their people.. we were trying to defend our people by taking them back from the clutch of those monsters.. And today I am forced to see, that even those who follow the redemptress, are still monsters within themselves. Crocodile tears as long as they are safe in their own house.
It was horrible, I saw them being murdered, while I was unable to do anything for them. We had managed to break the link between the controls and three of the wards that were guarding them. But we were too late. There was still one ward left, but Iradril was sure that it didn't prevent them to cast their sanctuary spell and escape. But instead they stood there and left themselves be sacrifice to the masses and to Caduz.. That lady priest.. she even offered redemption to the one that was about to kill her.. The word was right.. she was a true Az'attan, truer than the sight himself, or the word herself. They could have saved them.. if they only acted instead of praying for a miracle. If they had sent their Az'atta's sights mercs, they would have probably been able to save them, while the day was still shining up on the surface, before the ceremony even started.
I am sicken by them, distraught that all those years I have believe in a goddess that would betray her own followers at the moment they would need her the most, by imposing inaction and allowing harm to come to them. Lying about her own edict.
Mai where are.. you I need you so much.. My world has fallen apart and I am alone in it...
-
About four month or so ago, I had the joy to see my love again.. I swear our time together are getting thinner and thinner.. And she was acting so strange too.. distant, uneasy about something.
The reason why I had not seen her for so long, is that she was on the other side of the world, pursuing shadows or something.. not to sure she really didn't talk much about it. We had decided to spend sometime and go venture on Krashin, the cold would ultimately bring us together I thought, enjoying our own warmth around a good fire. And in such it happened, as the trip went on she became more of herself. We rested at the fire, cuddled, and I thought things would be back to normal, but as I woke up from my reveries.. she was still sleeping, but not peacefully. I tried to wake her up gently, even by whispering softly to her ear. But instead she jumped awake, rolling away and as she got up, she unsheathed her sword looking around like a rat looking for a way out of a sinking ship. It took her some time to realize where she was, and then she was back to her distant self. I tried to talk to her more about what had happened, but she became closed, only telling me that she had a dream of a shadow .. or a woman .. not sure. She felt the need to end the trip quick and she pressed the pace back toward the mainland, so she could see "her" priestess to talk about things.
I waited a long time.. maybe two days, camped outside of Hempstead for her, but to no avail. I only saw her two weeks later, for a very short time, so short that I don't even remember what we did. Just that I died on a trip while she was there. Oh right.. We were ambushed by some rather nasty giants trying to emprison us in the opal cave. The healer of Katian refused to raise me, and Argos had to do it himself, with great pain at that. I haven't seen her since though... it's been over 4 months now.
I wish I would be more to her, someone to confide to maybe.. making our relationship more complete.. but is that really what people are for one an other when they are a couple? I don't know. I just wish I would be more, this way.. maybe I would see her more. I'm forced to wonder if we are even a couple still. Or if I'm just someone else to go see, when there is no one else to see.
-
I feel like I have been abandoned.
Az'atta, my friends beside Elohanna, Jil, Vrebel, Tralek, Duches who always keeps pursuing me, and Darth, more of a cohort than a friend. But all the others, I have not seen or heard in a year at least. Of them the one that the absence hurts me the most is Mai. I guess she just forgot about me. Since that last trip in the mist forest on dregar.. I have had no words of her at all, no letter, no nothing.. and I think it's time I face the plausible truth.. I was just .. a distraction I guess is the word. I am sadden by these thoughts, as I do not know if they are truth or not, but someone once told me that if you take away all other explanations, the remaining one, even as improbable it may sound, has to be the truth.
As I have written in a previous entry, I can not let my feelings or pain get in the way.. if I do I will never advance in life. instead I will have to learn to live with them. Has she opened an Pandora box, helping me explore the desires and love I had for her? Did she even had any for me? I have no answers for those questions, only her has. But I guess I should have known that opening myself that way to someone, would have ended this way. I am a dark elf after all. But no one ever told me about this, about the desire and love. I guess they all thought I would be to reserved to open up to someone that way. Maybe they were right, maybe they were not.. I don't know. All I know is that I feel like this huge empty space in between my stomach and my heart, one that wasn't there before. I don't know what it is. The two person I needed the most have apparently turned their back to me, one without word, the other without proof but the tongue of the word at the temple. And the nightmares continues also.
But with all of that, I have kept perfecting my skills. Pushing me even further and further. Some times to the break of exhaustion, but this way I can at least not feel what I am feeling when I do not do anything. But with all that training, I have finally mastered what I was seeking for so long. I have become an Arcane archer. But that is only a beginning, there is a lot more to learn, a lot more to discover.
I wish I am wrong.. at least for Mai.
-
Time is strange. Mai comes and goes which is better than her just being gone.. I guess. But at least I see her a bit more now. And it has also gotten me to think.
I don't know why but I think I'm envious of her. Is this normal? I mean we are lovers, and we love each other, but yet I envy her.. more precicely her skills.
I know that she can't have her arrows explode in a fiery blaze. Or that she can't enchant her arrows just by the touch, like I do. Or that she can't guide her arrows in mid air like I will soon be able to do. But yet.. I envy her. She always seems to be able to find the best spots to shoot, that will do the most damage. Would I still be an az'atta, that I would never have even considered this at all. But she has abandoned me, and even if I do respect life. I respect the life of my fellows more than those trying to steal it from them.
I have to find out how she does it. I could always ask her, and maybe I will. I'm sure she would love to teach me. But for now I have to try and figure this out. I know that there is a range for it, she needs to be a bit closer than me to the foes for her arrows to be effective. That's one thing I will try to work on first I think. keeping just the right distance.
Also I have noticed that her skills at hiding and moving silently are much better than mine. It's something I can train easily here in this house with the wooden floors. If I hear my footsteps then I am not doing it right. From what I have seen, Mai rolls her footing more. She doesn't seem to stomp her foot down, like we are used to. A bit more cat like. Knowing how to hide and how to walk without making a sound, could be very useful in places I can't use the Al'noth.
And well lastly, as a bit of a surprise to me. I have found out I had some skills with very simple locks. It's a bit amusing. Of course I don't want to steal people belongings.. but it could be useful to open locked doors of places a group would need to enter to save someone for example. Or to get that special treasure that would elude us if no one had those skills.
That's a few things I can work on. A side project as one could say. Maybe it will even bring Mai and I closer and spend even more time if she trains me, but I don't want to force her. If she is with me, I want her to be because she wants to. Not because I manipulated things for her to be there.
Well I since every one is asleep, I might start with my training, see if I can walk around the house without waking anyone.
*She lets the ink dry, the book open, and starts to walk around the house.. not very silently at all.*
-
I am not in much mood to write anymore it seems. Partly due to not seeing Mai much lately, and also because I have been gone from the room a lot too, which I guess, doesn't help with not seeing her much either.
It's been over a year now since Az'atta supposedly decided I had turned my back on her. A year where I have found myself to be empty in many ways. Maybe that's why Mai is seldomly there. But what I know is that, it seems I have lost some joy in life. I don't know. I have been part of something, a group, a family for a large part of my life, and now for the last year, beside a few friends, I have no family. Which has left me alone, empty and with a lot of time to train.
I have found out recently that I could shoot faster, if instead of preparing one arrow at a time, I prepared two, and kept one in my hand while I shot the other. It's somewhat less efficient in some ways, but in others, it is very good. Also it seems that my arrows have become stronger. Well not the arrows themselves, but the enchantment I naturally put on them now. It seems to have gotten stronger.
Also, I have made some progress with my other trainings. I can't stop the wooden floor to creeks at home yet, but at least I have figured out how to roll my steps so my heel doesn't thump on the floor anymore. on the other hand, I have managed to open a very simple lock the other day. It was a small chest that I saw at the inn. I approached it very carefully, looking to be sure no one was around, and tried to open it. To my surprised I did manage to open it. I peeked inside and then my surprise was even bigger. It was a music box, and it started to play as soon as the cover was opened. I can safely say that I didn't stay there much longer. I casted an invisibility spell and moved out of the inn as other people were leaving. My heart was pounding strongly in my chest. It was.. exhilarating. But I don't think i would really steal from people. I wouldn't like it being done to me that's for sure. But i guess it will be useful to get to places I can't normally get. Or even open chests that have clues that are needed.
On shooting like Mai or Tod does.. that's an other story though. I think I understand the principles in it, but I have yet to see if I could do it. I mean, it's not I haven't tried.. it's just that, well I don't get it right, and it is frustrating. What's their secret? is it how they knock the arrows? how they aim.. what? Just frustrating. I will figure it out though, I know I can.
-
It has been sometime since I wrote in you Diary, and I apologize.
I have been quite busy in the recent months. Acquiring all that I need to train my yew bows is a daunting task. But I have many people who are helping me.. at a cost of course. But it is going well. I have more than enough arrow heads for my iron bow. My cobalt, adamantium and titanium arrow heads are almost complete, except for the last. Gorm has made great lean way into acquiring the platinum I needed for the bow parts, and now he is going for the platinum for the arrow heads. Not to mention what he brought me for the silver arrow heads. And I have started to get the mahogany for the arrows shafts. Morunas brought me all the feathers I needed already, which really caused a storage problem, luckily, Chackar is helping me with that. I only realize now how many friends I have made since I came here. Tralek, Vrebel, Gorm, Chackar, Morunas, Jilseponie, Elohanna, Alazira, and many others. It warms my heart.
Beside that, I have kept working on my sneaking skills.. walking silently at home at night, trying not to wake the others. I think I am starting to get the hang of the walking part. I'm not sure though, but I make the wooden floor squeaks less often now. I haven't been able to duplicate what I had achieved with that simple lock, but I keep trying. On the other hand, I think I have understood the range of where I should shoot my arrows for maximum damage, but, I don't know.. even then I'm not getting it as good as Mai does.
Mai.. wine of my heart, I miss her dearly. She had came by a few times, but it has been a while now since I have seen her. I still keep a candle lit in my room, and in my heart, to symbolize me waiting for her. When it's about to burn out, I light a new one, telling my heart to keep strong. All I can hope for, is to see her back in my arms soon, safe and sound.
-
*Tyillaan watches the candle, the small flame dancing around on the whisker. It's soft light lighting part of the room, where the fireplace softens the other with its glow. She rests on the floor facing the candle, her diary opened in front of her.*
I think it's time I face the truth. Either the soul mother claimed her, or she has left me without even saying goodbye. It hurts, so deeply. Loving someone but being unable to share it with that person. Hoping to see her come through the door and take me in her arms. Waiting and waiting and waiting in hopes to spend just one more minute with her. But to see and feel that her touch, her smell, her laugh are all but distant and fading memories now, a blurry visage through the rain battered window. A ghost of what once was beautiful, but so far away now. I am unable to resist my tears anymore nor quell the shortness of my breath when I look at the gift I have been keeping for her, in the hopes she would come soon for me to give it to her.
I should have known better, but how could I? I had never loved before her, never experience the tenderness of a loving touch on my cheek. Of gentle whispers mused to my ears by the warmth of a fire camp, and under the dark canopy of the sky and all its beautiful stars. All of that is but a figment of my imagination now. A beautiful dream, but nothing more. She is of Xeen, I should have known better. My visit to her temple has made me understand, fear and intrigued me about them. For her I must have been the innocent conquest. The one thing untainted by others, pure to be plaid with. I come to wish sometimes that I would not have known the gift she gave me. That I would not have tasted the fruit of her tenderness. She said that we had something special she did not want to lose. Silvery words for an innocent heart. Sweet as the most succulent honey, but a poison that would have the strongest of gods fall to their knees to die.
But even as I write now, my heart bleeding of it's last hope for a better tomorrow. I find myself hoping still, that all of this was just a bad dream, and that I would wake up, seeing her gentle eyes looking at me, calming me. But alas, it is still the hope of the innocent, that dreams of the ever after. Oh cruel awakening to the monstrosity that life is. The slow suffocating knot that tears at my throat.
And yet, I look still at the candle, and keep it alive day after days, weeks after weeks, months after months. I am but weak in the idea of letting go of my last remaining hopes. I cling to them as if they were my very life source. Afraid that if I let go, that I might lose what is not even there anymore. And to say that in desperate attempt to keep her close to my heart, I have named my steed after her. How much a farce must I look toward all of them. But I do not care, they do not understand.
But maybe.. just maybe.. it's time for the innocent to grow up. And let go of her dreams.
Maybe..
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a69/Emcha_Audio/Tywritinginherjournalwithaheavyhear.jpg)
-
*Tyillaan looks at the candle that is almost out, an other candle ready to take it's place and she sighs*
I find that each time I change those, it takes more and more to bring me to change them. I am losing hope that she will ever be back. No.. I have lost hope. So why am I keeping the flame alive? Why do I not receive any news from her.. of any sorts? She must have forgotten about me.
*there is a spot of ink where her quill staid on the page*
All I can do to try and forget her, is to train.. and train .. and train even more. I sometime train so much that I fall asleep on my horse coming back home. It's a good thing she knows the way by now. And in that effect, I find that my skills have improved enough, that I was able to stay hidden from the sight of Vrebel, Tralek and Darthi on our last trip down the rift. I even got the chance to sneak up on Tralek.
I have noticed lately that he seems to be able to do the same things that I am trying to learn. Maybe I should ask him to teach me.. but at the same time.. I don't know.. I always held a hope that Mai would teach me what I lacked. But with her gone now.. Maybe I should ask him.
*She watches the candle flickers, and before it fizzles out, she bring the new candle to the old one, and the flame stays a live. She then put out the old one and looks at the dancing flame again.*
I don't know how much longer I will have the strength to keep this flame alive.
-
*She looks at the candle for a moment and gets up moving toward it. With a tear flowing down her right cheek, she pinches the flame out and heads out the room, looking back toward the candle before closing the door. A rolled scroll is in her pocket as she heads to the market, a katana tied to her back*
-
I have never felt so alone. When I was shun from the church for trying to save two of her clerics and becoming what I had sought for long before I even came to know her mercy and love, I felt like I had no family anymore. I had friends yes, but no one I could call my family, except her. And now that I have lost even the hope to see her again.. I have no one left. Friends yes, but no one that I can really talk to, tell my fears and joys. Share my laughers and tears unafraid of what they might think. It's something that is unbearable.
Maybe that's why I have been looking else where for the past month or so. Not for someone else, but for something higher. And today I have found interest .. or maybe more a sense of intrigue. I don't know if it's because he seems so strong that it gave him great charisma.. or because of the wings he had, or for the fervor he shown in his own beliefs. But what he said to me about Katia.. seemed.. comforting. I don't know I need to learn more. He did ask me if I had an affinity for nature, to which I must have seen like an innocent little child. Saying I loved my horse and my little cat, well my panther.. But how much more of a silly little girl could I have made him think of me? He said there was more to nature than just fauna, that there was many gifts of life others than those that walk of fly. Like the plants, the tress, the rocks. Could it be that Katia is such inclusive that all can be part of her? I wonder if she would also look upon those of my kind? But in truth there is something about this, about being one with everything.. never feeling alone, empty. Because everything around you is part of you.. I wish to learn more.. see if this could be what I am looking for, to feel this void in me. I hope to see him soon again so we can talk more, he said he would like that. Guess it's just a question of finding the time. Plenarius is his name, they also called him the Bird Lord. Fits well with his wings.
On an other hand.. I got up the nerve to ask Tray to teach me how he does his attacks, but he didn't answer. Maybe he was just too tired from the long trip.. or maybe he just doesn't want to. I will keep training on my own then.
-
I've finally asked him again and he has agreed to teach me. The first thing he did was to actually show me the weak points of my enemies. They vary from one an other, but at least now I know what to look for. He's also complemented me a whole lot, when I was keeping the right distance, and moving around so they would lose track of me in combat. In fact.. they both have been paying to me a lot of compliments lately. Feels weird... but good.
My skills at hiding are improving, so are those at moving silently. Maybe I should start working with traps a bit more, and keep on practicing my lock picking. I'm not that great at it, but I keep trying.
There is a certain.. how can I say.. exhilaration at being able to just stand there unseen by my foes, without even having to use the Al'noth. And I find it amusing to play tricks on Vrebel and Tralek from time to time, when they are not paying attention and I'm able to move around unseen. I cheers me up somewhat.
On a slightly other word.. It seems that no one even wants to buy the Katana I had made for her. Guess I'll go and donate it to a church somewhere. I wonder where the Katia temples are. Maybe they need one for one of their people.
-
Things have changed a little.
Duches and I have.. well started to spend more intimate time together. I know she will never be able to be faithful, so we just spend time and enjoy the moments without any feelings for her. She's a friend with extra as one once said.
one of the extras is that she started to train me to be a sneaker. Where Tralek showed me where to shoot, how to flank. She shows me how to pull my foes into position where they are most vulnerable, how to use the surroundings to my advantages. And how to look for the best way to shroud my self with shadows and darkness.
I have to admit that it's satisfying to see that I am progressing.
Zira had also an attack or what I thought it was. I'm not sure anymore if it was or not, she will let us know when we visit her. But I used all my powers to help her. Trying to make us both become mirrors that the Al'Noth could reflect on us back to the attacker. I was also affected by it while trying to help her.. and Mai came back in force, feelings pain.. It was like how I was a year or so ago.. when all I could do was being hurt and cry by her absence. I don't know what it was that was attacking us, but at one point I knew that I had succeeded in freeing Zira from it. I just kept pushing and pushing on the Al'Noth so that the person could feel his own pain through his own magic. I think I did it, because after a while I just felt peace, acceptance and I was feeling myself. So I think that the person had lost his connection to us.
I had never tried this before.. I don't know what the consequences could have been if I have failed.. but I don't care.. no one hurts my friends and expect me to be merciful. It's a new trick for me for sure. Now I know that if anyone would try this again.. or any other magical attack of the sorts on me. I can reflect it back onto them.
-
*Takes her journal out and rubs the dust off of it.*
I don't really know where to start.
First, I have to say that I was slightly successful with an other scrying attempt. I found Argos, I told him what I had on my mind, and now we are through. I can not be friends with him while he hurts one of my other friends, Zira. He is stubborn, childish, egoistic. He knows he did the wrong thing I could see the doubt in his eyes at one point, but his selfishness pushed him further into his thinking. So I told him that until he fixed things, we were through. I will not support his actions, I can not support his self destruction. But when I came back home from the Audiran desert, where I found him, Elohanna was waiting for me. She asked me if I had used divination in the house, scrying. I didn't lie to her there was no need to, and she forbid me to do the same again in the house. How can a mage forbid the use of some part of the Al'noth is beyond me. I was steaming mad, and I asked her for her help nonetheless to complete what I had told Argos. That I would move away because I couldn't stand to live in the same house as a coward and someone that hurts my friends and myself. She refused because she thought she had to try and talk to him to understand and help him. I was even more mad and I decided to move all my things, only leaving the bed and empty chests.
I've seen her again lately in north point and we talked again, I wasn't mad at her much anymore. But is she disillusioned? Is she really going to try to live by an other God's lie about the sanctity of life and that no harm should be done? Is she going to become like my old faith and decide that the life of others is worthless and not deserving to be protected, letting them be sacrificed, killed and hers as well instead of taking arms to protect them? I don't know.. She said she would do everything in her abilities to protect those she cares about. But yet.. she gave her bow away. I wonder if it was her children that were being attacked, would she leave them to die or would she put down those who are trying to kill them. We had a lengthy discussion about that. I usually don't shoot first and I try to see if one will attack or try to parley. Usually that ends up with them attacking. She doesn't really agree with that, but that is how I see things. If they attack me without even trying to talk a resolution first.. they deserve to be taken down. I will not let me or a member of the group I am in get killed by my inaction.
Well that's that. that's the major things that has happened lately beside some others that I will write about now.
I have gain power again. I have mastered the ability to cast stronger spells, although I choose to cast the spells I already know, but in a way they last longer. And I have also noticed I can memorize more spells also. It's a good feeling to see how far I have progressed. How better than my father I have become. Stronger, in both my martial prowess and my connection and use of the Al'noth. Some day I'll find him, and I will show him what I have become. I will show him that he failed into selling me as a slave, to keep me away from becoming stronger than him. Even though I keep training into new paths, my strength in the Al'noth keeps getting stronger. It amazes me.
My arrows have also become more powerful. With each arrows I touch, I can feel the enchantment on them becoming stronger. I am advancing into arcane archery well, and it pleases me.
Also.. after seven months of not seeing her, of her leaving without a word. She is finally back. She was trying to act all casual and as if nothing was wrong, but I was mad, so mad at her for putting me through what Mai had put me so many times. I think she understands it, but she's unfazed about it. Nevertheless we trained again. She says I have improved. And yes for sure I have. I kept training even if she wasn't there to guide me. Kept training how to move about without being seen or heard. For that matter, I utilized something she had done with spider legs in the spider cave. But since I didn't have any spider legs, I used broken glass. To walk through it without making a sound. At first it was hard, but I got the hang of it. I'm not the best, but I know I can walk unseen and unheard from many. I've also kept training my lock picking skills, I am sure that I am getting better at this too. Opening each and every time the door of the Storan crypts tells me that now. But in the past six months I have mainly concentrated on an other aspect. One that could be as important as being able to open locked doors, since some of them also have traps on them. I am confident that I have a strong use of the Al'noth to be able to disable wards.. maybe not all wards, but a lot of them. I needed to train how to disable mechanical traps also. I'm sure with time I'll find a way to do it with the use of the Al'noth, but to be able to do it manually when the Al'noth can't be used, is also important. So I have trained on disabling traps. Small and inoffensive ones at first.. no sense into killing me while training. But I got those pretty fast. So I moved on onto harder ones, and again.. I am getting the hang of it.
Now if I could only get the hang of how Mai and Duches attacks the weak points of the opponents. I know how, Duches and Tray showed me. I just can't seem to be able to do it yet.
-
Well I have tested my skills with harder traps with the help of Tralek and Vrebel. He said it was a trap of medium strength or the likes. I just know that I needed some tools to help me with it, but I was able to recover it. The disabling of the trap seemed easier than trying to recover it, but since it was his trap, I didn't want to spoil it for him. I'm glad though, it shows I have made much progress. Even Tray thinks I am becoming better faster that he was. He taught me an exercise that is aimed at being light footed, so I can move more swiftly in combat. The exercise itself seems a bit silly, but still. I've been practicing it with some people I know from fort Llast.. I can't imagine that I would have got to know some of the fort dwellers, but at least it serves it's purpose. Although my footing is already much faster and lighter than them, I don't think I'll be learning much from training with them.
I don't know.. it seems I am so close to discover the only thing that is eluding me. Well I know there is still something I should train in. Tracking and tracks differentiation. I've seems to be able to become proficient in all the other thins, I'm sure I will be able to get the hang of this also. But who to ask.. Duches could certainly help I think. I'll ask her, the next time she decides to grace me with her presence... right...
-
Things have moved very interestingly, better than I could ever hope. Spending lots of time with Duches lately, training.. and more. Just the other day when I saw her leave Dalanthar, I decided to follow her, using all the technics she had shown me. It was really fun, not even once did she turn back to look. Walking silently, using the shadows and every but of the terrain to conceal me. I was stalking her right.
At one point I decided to join her in the fight, so I shot an arrow without warning her, blowing past her ear a few inch. Very controlled, precise, sneaky as she said. Took down the opponent right between the eyes, with only one arrow and no stabbing of her swords. She turned around, scanning the area a moment until she saw me, her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped slightly, then we started to laughs like little girls. The expression on her face was just hilarious.
She had already told me just a few days before that, that there was nothing more she could teach me. But that I could always come to her when ever I wanted, and that I was now ready to take proper contracts on my own, that would fit my skills. I'm not really sure what that means, but if she thinks I am doing this to steal or take contracts to kill.. She is mistaken, but then again, I guess one could make such assumption about a dark elf learning to sneak around.
Today though I told her about a little technique I had been trying. Of how to roll my feet when walking at a faster pace, so that even if I was on a quick walk, I was not making any noise. That's how I was able to keep up with her pace as she was heading to the misted village after all. She didn't know her and she was impressed that I, her student, had shown her something she didn't know.
I guess even when you teach, there is always place to learn new things.
-
Even thought they told me they had nothing else to teach me, I still think there is always place for improvement. No one has ever fully master an art, there is always something they can improve if they take the time to actively analyze what they are doing. That's what I have been doing as of late.
Lets start with the little things. Opening locks. What do you need to open locks, beside the basic tools. As the pick and the prod. You need to be very dexterous that's for sure, have a sure hand, but yet still nervous in it's touch.. A controlled nervous. Why is that? on would say. It's my understanding that one that has a steady hand but without the slight nervousness in it.. maybe that's not the right term, but I understand myself, will not really feel the slight notch, will not feel when to lift or the pick and prod. You have to feel when the springs in the lock twitches and sticks slightly when you prod them just at the right hight and angle. And you have to react quickly to it and pass to the other one, else they reset and you have to start back. That was tricky for me at first, but as I have learned in the many times I have went to Storan's and open the locked door, I have become proficient at it. But there is always more I can learn to be able to open the more difficult locks.
Now how about disabling traps. Well again you need patience, courage. You obviously need a steady hand again, but this time, there is no place for nervousness in the way you proceed. You need to analyze the trap carefully, inspect it under every available angle, to see where the wires are, see where the springs are and which one you can safely take out to render the trap inert. Flagging a trap is easier when you know where it is, you just put a marking on the ground so the others know, but then you also have to know what is the safe distance, so that if it blows up, they will be out of the range of the trap. That requires basic knowledge of the traps and what they do. A spike trap is the easiest to know, unless its a spring loaded spike trap, that flings the spikes in all direction like glass shards from an exploding window, then you know they have a rather limited radius. Gas trap are always a bit more tricky, there is many things that comes into factor. The gas canister size, if there's wind, is it a heavy gas or a light gas that will move upward faster than the prior. What kind of gas is it. That one you can never really know, because it's never a good idea to try and inhale the gas, but there are sings sometime. Retrieving a trap, well that's an other game all together. How to disable it in a way that you do not destroy the trap so you can reuse it an other time, takes a lot of practice and understanding of the traps. But in the end, it's just more practice.
Hiding, well that one could seem simple, but it's not. There is many thing to take into consideration when you hide. Your surroundings for one. Do the colors I wear contrast with the colors of my surroundings? If I lay down in the snow, black, brown red, will be easily seen. Even if you wear pure white you will still be seen. But on the other hand, if you have different shade of white, light gray and light blue. Then you will fade in with the snow more easily. Why because even the purest of snow have contrast on it from the shades, if it's flat or if there is relief to it, which will produce some slight shadows. On the other hand, when you try to hide in the shade, darker colors will always be better. I find that hiding in nature is maybe the hardest. There is so many variant in the colors, in the depth of perceptions, the light and shadows. But once you get used to it, you know how to place your body to contour the rock, tree, bushes, so you can then become part of them. Wither you have the exact match of colors and patterns don't always matters, if you know how to place yourself, and chose the best spots. That requires you to have a good sense of perception, quick to look around and notice the best spots that will fit what you are wearing, but not only that. If you plan to move, you need to see the path that are available to you, close patch of hiding spots, where you can move safely and quickly from one an other, without revealing to much of yourself.
And because of that comes my next point. Silence.. Silence is king in a kingdom of noise. There is always noises around you, wither it be people whispering, walking, drinking. Birds signing, a light breeze in the foliage of the trees and bushes. As long as you can keep control of your body, or your breathing, even control over your heart to slow it down. Then you will be able to drown yourself with the surrounding noises. When walking in silence, not only do you have to analyze where you are standing, hiding yourself, but you also have to actively look where you are steeping. To roll your foot on the ground carefully, so that you do not thump your heel. To distribute your weight evenly on the greater surface of the foot, while it rolls, so that your weight do not press only in one place and risk breaking twigs. I practice a lot with fine glass on that matter. Controlling my weight while walking on a slow pace at first, and when I was getting better, going up to a quick walk, so that I knew I would be able to change position, quickly without being heard or seen. That's how I was able to follow Duches into the misted village and take down that foe, without her knowing I was there until she saw the arrow pass her by only a few inch and take him down.
But sometimes, you have to improvise. There are times where all the carefulness will not be enough. Those time you have to be quick of though. A bottle, a rock, a slight whistle, playing with shadows. Can all be used to distract an opponent so you can then silently and stealthily pass by him or her. Or even better, let you come close to your opponent so you have a better blow or arrow placement. Again, it's a question of analyzing your surroundings. How many foes are there? How far apart ar them. If I take that one down, can I do it in a way he can't call for back up, and if I do, will the other risk hearing him? All of those must be thought on an instant. It takes practice and mise en situation to get your mind to the quickness of thought needed.
The last but not the least. How to hit, where to aim. There are always week points into your foe. A point where you will do the most debilitating damage. Are you looking to give him a quick death, or a slow one? Are you looking to slow him down, or effectively prevent him from moving. Those take time to know, and time to recognize from foe to foe. A shot to the heart, the neck, the inner thigh, will generally give a quick death, although from the inner thigh, it's slower from the first two. An arrow to the knee, will reduce his movement speed, while a shot to the ribs and under arm, will reduce his movement range. A shot to the head will usually end the combat right then and there, but as the head is a smaller sized target, it is also hardest to aim at as it is quite often in continuous movement. And then there is also understanding that if the target sees you, he has the advantage to parry your attacks easily. There for it's always a good thing to use a cover. Wither it be someone fighting in front of you, or hiding behind a tree stump (although that one wont work for many shots until they understand where you are shooting from ) or even the cover of the shadows. They might still hear the shot coming, but the quickness of the arrow makes it an epic feat to evade in darkness, unless they can see through it. So it's always better to not just count on one thing, and be prepared to use many things that are available to you. Blind them, shoot them to slow them down, move and reposition yourself constantly so they can not pinpoint where you are easily. Have someone to distract them, while you shoot them from the right range so they have the hardest time to avoid your arrows.
In retrospect, it's a lot of things to know, but once you have practiced them, and practiced them again and again. It becomes natural. And that is how it is for me now. I don't always have to think where to stand, how to walk. I just do it, because I have gained confidence in my abilities and I know I can do it.
-
Well now that she has nothing more she can teach me, she has served her purpose. A shame, she was rather nice to have around, maybe I could still keep her to satisfy my other needs. I'll have to think on that. I just need to keep practicing and I know I'll get the attacks down. Only a matter of time now. I'm just tired I guess of the people that says they want to be with you and do things, but then never act on it. Keeping them at arms length is one way not to get singed I guess.
-
*Ty sits in front of her fire place, in her room and thinks before penning down her thoughts to paper*
I guess I didn't really knew them. When I first met them many years ago they seemed like amicable people. We even traveled together on a few occasion and not once did they give me the impression they were what I discovered they were.
I have no idea why, beside what they claimed, that they were after some necromancer, but it didn't give them the right in any case. I saw what I saw, I know what I saw. Gimli killed that man in cold blood, and when it was time for him to face justice he tried to run away, and then Stygian came in and tried to help him escape. Up until the point where we had Gimli binded, and he was shot in the neck by the family member of the person he killed. He died gargling in his own blood. I didn't like that one bit, I was hoping that he would face trial. But even Jennara was powerless to have the law obeyed and to have it settled in court. Having some others of the group call for his death didn't help either. But right then, as Gimli was dying, Stygian used a necromantic spell, finger of death it's called, to kill the one that shot Gimli. Some would say it's revenge, others claimed that they had found the real necromancer.
In anycase, it just happens that I saw an add that was made by Gimli seeking someone to take on a contract and a target, in the market hall. Of all things, why would he make an add in a public space where any one could find it, with his name also. Either he is mad with revenge and seeks to take it out on those that contributed to his capture, or it's a diversion. In anycase, it's probably wise I send words to my allies.
It's sad really, throughout my life on the surface, whether it be at the temple or outside of it, I have made a point not to make enemies. To befriend as many people I came to trust. I guess part of the reason why, is that I am a dark elf, living in a world where people hates us and would kill us on sight, even if I have done nothing against them. So I guess It's time I ask aid of those I befriended. I'll send letters to Elly, Storold, Tralek, Vrebel, Kurn, Duchess, Marec, Marcus, Argos, Alazira, Gormungard. I'll even send a letter to Jennara, both to ask her protection but to warn her she might be a possible target.
If I had not seen that notice at the market hall.. I don't even want to think about it.
-
I had not realized how many people took a liking in me until I received responses to my letters. Most of who I have sent letters to have answered me back pledging their support in one way or an other. Some of those with more direct response that I think could be well deserved for their actions.. but at the same time could potentially place the trust the others have given me into questions. It's a delicate balance that I have to maintain.
How ever I'm a bit sad that I haven't receive any words from Marec, Storold or even Jennara. And the later leaves me more than perplexed. She was there, she is possibly one of the possible targets, yet no words. It's as if she has no care about it. Maybe because she thinks they can't touch her.. but what about the others that were there? Does she care about them or since it doesn't concern her and it doesn't concern the law, she just doesn't care? If that is so, then I guess I really misjudged her.
Why did I even get involved in the first place? It's not like it would have made them look at me with other feelings than distrust and hate as they have now. Maybe because it was how I didn't really feel well with the others, which really showed when Zariana and Raziem cheered for his death without trial.. I just felt compelled to say something that wasn't like them. Not that I really believe in the laws and all, they seem to fit only one type of people, and those that have enough connections and money to simply have the law enforcers look away when they do their deeds. Maybe I'm still slightly shook up by how my old church prefers to sacrifice her flock instead of protecting them, that even if I see someone do something truly evil I'm still willing for him or her to get a chance, and not just be summarily sacrificed. Whether it be for a god, or for the sake of illusions of laws and justice.
No clue, but what I know is that I got into this mess, and now there is a way for me not to get trapped in it.
-
Again today I have seen the gross incompetence of the law officers, called the Rofireinites. Aesthir was present when the pawn broker Jared made his statement that we should have manned up and taken by all means the mushroom in that cave, knowing that there was someone tending to them. He even said that he didn't have to spell out what we should have done to get them. It was an obvious confession that he wanted us to mug the halfling. But yet as a guard came and Aesthir gave him the report, the guard refused to do his job, refused to acknowledge that a protector of Rofirein had told him to take Jared into custody. That guard has even refused to give him his name, and to tell us who was his commanding officer. It is obvious that he was part of the corruption that plagues that city. And the rofies are simple pion unable to have the law obeyed. It's the second time I see that happening. Started with Jennara, being unable to get Gimli a fair trial, and now Aesthir unable to have his authority respected in his own town.
-
Some one has tried to frame me, already with the contract that was put out by Gimli I was on my guards, but with the attempt to frame me, I had placed myself on house arrest, until it was the right time. I turned myself in and got the trial. Tray was just phenomenal, he completely destroyed the prosecution case. We didn't even have to call any of my witnesses.
It perturbs me that dark elves would ask for my release and me being handed to them, claiming to be from the Selaama house. If this wasn't a ploy I have never seen one. Selaama was the last name given to me by Wren, since I didn't even know my own name. My father had never called me by my name, nor my mother before she disappeared.
I have to find out who is trying to frame me, and when I will. I don't know what I'll do.
The month I spent secluded in the house I've been thinking a lot. People will never accept me unless they see I am no threats to them. And this idea just came to me. What if I represented what they need the most? People always feel safer if they know that the enforcers of the laws are close by ready to protect them. I doubt each and every single law enforcers are actually rofireinites. There is surely some that are not followers of the gold dragon but still work for the laws. If I can get accepted by them, then maybe it will be easier for the people to see I am not a monster.
-
I have finally decided to come home.. after spending years away. My room was empty, but that's only due to a misunderstanding. And Elohanna had sold the house to Sehky, who I knew a little but not much and his wife, don't ask.. I thought he was with Breanna.... Love what an insipid thing. You think you understand it, but on the other hand it bites your heart out and chews it. His wife is called Keela.. and she wasn't happy at first to know that I came with the house, that was the deal. They had no choice in it, well they could have bought an other house, but if they wanted this house, I was to remain living there until I choose otherwise.
Keela first seem very nervous about me, almost as much as I was about her I guess. They explained to me what had happened. The betrayal they went through from an other like me they thought where their friend. And now I found out that Breanna not only has fallen under his spell.. of sort.. but she even miscarried a child from his. I have broken a sacred covenant of the dark elves when I told Breanna exactly what his world is about. To every details I remembered my father teaching me even though he kept me hidden from all the other dark elves. I know it shook her to actually realize how deeply perverted, monsters, manipulative, and murderers my race is. But even with that, she still think she knows what she is doing. I trust her but at the same time, I am unable to trust in her logic at the moment. She is led blindly by her emotions. And the worst part is that she knows that eventually she will be betrayed by him.. or she will betray him. In some part it reminded me of what I knew about Mai, but chose not to believe would or could happened to me. Good did that do to me.
Why is it that people can choose to ignore what logic is for the sake of a feeling. What is it in love that is so much comforting that we are willing to accept and cherish the fact that somewhere somehow we will be annihilated by it? I can understand the beauty of it, the attraction, the desires. I can even understand the need of it. But why? Why does someone goes head over heels to have the best appearance, even if he's ugly as a troll. And why does someone falls for it and falls in love with it? What compels us to seek out others, even those we know will hurt us, but just accept it?
Ever since I've talked to Keela the first time, I was wondering what pushed Breanna that way, and after talking to her.. I just don't understand. But she is my friend and will remain so. I will take no sides in this unless her Dark Elf forces me to.
And the worst part of it is, that Keela seems to think that Ilsare would hold the answers to that. That she would welcome me with open hands me a dark elf. I don't know.. some part of me still believe in the teaching of Az'atta. In the possibility for all to be redeemed if they truly seek it. I just don't believe in how they view that redemption as being an acknowledgement to the end of their lives. That to be truly redeemed you have to be willing to let others be sacrificed while you simply watch.. and do nothing. Yet when I look at the beauty of their Ilsarien temple, the love they have for archery.. I could see it. But love? Maybe it's just that love has nothing to do with it. Is love really necessary?
Keela seems to want to teach me about Ilsare, we sat there in the flowers in Hlint the other days me hidden of course, and talked about it a little, amongst other things. I think she even wants to present me to the priests of the temple there. But I'm weary. First.. it's Hlint.. for some reason.. Hlint has become part of my life and I'm always drawn to it for a reason or an other. Not always good ones either. Second it was in Hlint that the rumors were put to rest that I was the murdering archer.. I still hold the letter of judge Kirus about it. Lastly, it's such a beautiful place.. if it wasn't for the people for the most part.
I just don't know where I'm at now.. maybe Keela is right.. maybe she's not. I don't know.
-
Things have not changed for the better in Hlint, and I can't blame them.. but they should at least recognize people that tried to help them over the years.
Keela, Sehky and I went to the temple in Hlint.. a very tense moment for sure. Calisse was more compose but the other priest I'm sure would have killed me if it wasn't for her. At first Calisse was cooler but still very much apprehensive of me for not knowing me, but then when she saw I was who I am, things turned for the worst. For a moment. but even her didn't have the heart to lie to me. Maybe that's a sign maybe not. But what's turly important is that I was wrong and Keela was right. Ilsare has already accepted dark elves into her frey and even more, one of her Naive is a dark elf Talia Hycinth. If Ilsare can accept a dark elf to be a naive.. then maybe she can accept me to be just a follower.
Once we parted ways with that news, Keela, Sehky and I started to talk. They explain to me that the most important thing to Ilsare was creation of art and also encouraging the expression of art of others. Like if someone creates a bow, encouraging them to make better engraving on it to ornate it. That's something that should be easy to do. One thing that will not be is to encourage the expression love between people. After what happened with Mai.. I don't know if I can..
But maybe with time, as we will make our way to the Breathe of the muse to see Talia, maybe there as they teach me I will be able to. Maybe through their expression of love for one an other, I'm going to learn again. maybe I'll find my place now.. with Ilsare.. And that's already a comforting thought.
-
*Tyillaan stands looking at herself in the house mirror. Looking at her armors and their new colors. She wears them one at a time, rearranging them on her figure looking at them as if they were things of the pits. Finally she stops and sighs while walking to her bed. As she reach it she jumps on it and takes her journal and quill*
They are the same, but yet my armors seems to feel like if they were not of this world. There was comfort in how black my armors were, beside the one Vrebel liked the most, which I think it was really due to seeing a whole lot of me.
It took me months literally of thinking on what Sehky and Keela was telling me, and I came to the conclusion that to worship Ilsare is in everything we do, or wear. Not by vanity, or thinking that one is more beautiful than an other, or more intelligent or gifted than an other, but on a personal level as to be doing what would please Ilsare the most. And being clouded in black from head to toe is not what she would find pleasing. Not the Deity of all that is beauty, music and arts. So I died my armors to her colors, hoping that by this small thing I would get closer to her a bit more.
I found myself thinking more on what Sehky had said about encouraging others in their expression of art. To me archery is art, and wizardry is also an art in it self. So when you combine the two you make something truly unique. Well many others are doing the same, but it is still something of beauty, and maybe that's how I could encourage others. If Ilsare permits it, maybe I could become a teacher of her heartsong archers, teaching them how to combine the art of Archery and Magic together, and for those who are able to, guide then and encourage them into Arcane Archery. In this I would honor both my teachers, and her.. I think. Maybe that's something I should see with Talia Hycinth when I finally meet her.
Food for thoughts at the very least.
*She leaves her journal open on her bed for the ink to dry and goes back to stand in front of the mirror admiring her armors again, this time with a new appreciation.*
-
*She takes her journal out and dust it off*
There's so much I could write, but I feel to void at the moment to even formulate a clear thought of what has happened in the recent years. The feelings I had hidden to every one but to keela about her, the openness I had left my heart open but knowing that she loved her husband more than anything, in which I respected .. mostly. But truly I knew.. that it was safe for me. I couldn't be hurt again this way. I could love and feel, and enjoy what Ilsare gives, without fearing of being hurt. But then out of no where, Lacee comes up and mixes everything up. My walls, my shields, my fortress crumbled up within months of knowing her, and I found myself open, unprotected, feeble toward her. And she did to.. but then as always, as was to be expected I guess, the pain, the knife through your heart to your very soul. At first it was because of this Jared going about and mixing her up with his insults, making her realize the feelings she had, that what i had told her was true, about her womanhood and all. She needed time to grow, time away and I gave her the time, I gave her space, but before we left she cut some of her hair away and breaded it around my finger.. which I then put on my necklace so it would be safe, and to my heart. She said it was to remind me that she would never forget how she felt. But as I gave her space.. she found those same feelings for an other.. this Armand I had met a few times before. And at that moment I was back to exactly the same feelings I had felt when Mai had left me without news. I died again in myself. It was as if life it self was being tore away from my soul and my soul was being desiccated into thousands of pieces, pawn at, played with and tortured with it never dying but left to feel everything. And she knows it, she could see it, In the end I just couldn't hid it from her. How can I help others in their expression of arts, beauty and love.. if I can't even find it for myself.. Each time it being poisoning me to a point where I wish Wren would not have saved me, and that the Slavers would just had killed me there. I think in the end, it would have been a better fate, as I know today that what ever I do, who I am, what I am will never be taken away, no matter how hard I try to conceal it, or change it. I am cursed, curse to be lonely, forsaken by all. But my feelings for her are true, and I told her that she would have to find it in her own heart to see who she think might bring her the most happiness in her life. And this was the most heart wrenching thing I could have ever told her, because I know.. as white is white and as the fire can heat you or kill you, that she will never be as happy with me as she could be with any one else in this world, because of who I am.. of what I am.. the cursed ones.. the nightmares of the night.. the death dealers and accursed ones.. a dark elf. As I told her this, I knew that in the end I was letting her go, as much as I love her, I can't force her to stay with me or that would make the feelings I have for her meaningless, and it would not honor Ilsare, it would not make those feelings beautiful and true. As I told her that, I knew that sooner or later she would find her feelings for him blossom and she would chose him.
I'll try to be her friend none the less, without keeping hopes that she finds me to be what brings her happiness. I'll try to support her as much as I can, and help her grow into the woman she can be. But there is no more fooling myself about my future. I know I am destined to remain as is......
*she closes her journal taking her amulet out from under her armor and stares at it, by her fire place for a long moment, falling asleep there on her cushions.*
-
*She looks at the blank page, her amulet in her hands, the braid of Lacee's hair still intertwined in it, unconsciously stroking it. So many things has happened since the last time she wrote in her journal, yet she does not find the words to express them until she decides to only talk of the most recent events and even then the words comes slowly to her.*
I answered the call of friendship. Faced my deepest fears. And exposed myself as I had never been exposed before, at least more than ever before. Elly, my eldest friend since I had left the temple and Al'noth mentor, the one that had utter faith in me when most still feared me, the one that had opened her house for me to live in needed my help and I couldn't refuse her.
I met her with many others, Sehky and my Arcane Archery mentor Jilseponie, and many others that I did not know, of only saw once, at the temple of Lucinda in Spellguard. I could feel each fibre of my body crying to leave as those I didn't know kept coming closer, trying to look at me, pear through the darkness of my heavy cowl, even though Sehky kept imposing himself to discourage them. But it the end it was all in vain, as I was asked, like others, to remove the cowl. My heart that was pumping already to the brink of exploding suddenly stop and I could feel the blood leave my covered face. At that moment I felt like time stopped as all were looking at me, I could feel their gaze, but yet no muscles of my body would respond to my commands, not even to the thoughts of opening my tome and disappearing in thin air. I stood there helpless, and without the safety of the cover of my friends. Suddenly I heard her voice, Elly calling to me to come closer, telling me it was alright, and that I could show my face. I could hear her and Sehky plead for my case to the others, even though they knew that there was no escape from it. At first my body wouldn't respond until finally I willed it to obey my command. I felt so unsteady physically, emotionally.
I manage to move closer to her as she came closer to me, and even though my hands were trembling, something I had never felt this intensely before, I doubt I could have even held an arrow let alone shoot one, I moved the cowl back enough for all to view. I heard the gasps, saw their eyes hardened, their body stance change into defensive posture. I think I even saw some reach for their weapons, when they saw the darkness of my skin, the red of my eyes, and the silvery tattoos on my visage. I felt so powerless, so uncovered, would I have been without clothes that it would have felt the same as I was feeling then. There was no turning back now, no controlling who knew what I am. And yet I could still hear Elly, Sehky, Jil and even Tray vouch for me with all their intent, but for nothing. Nothing they could have said or done would have changed anything. And for most of them, if a guard had taken upon himself to slay me, almost all of them would not have even felt the slightest shame about it. I am after all a Dark elf. And by the laws of the land, they are allowed to kill me on sight. Yet no one did, no one laid a finger on me or harmed a single white hair on my head. I could start to breath, and it felt different, as if I was truly breathing for the first time in my life. Here in this room, filled with people, priests, bards, sorcerers, wizards, hunters, Law man, I stood alive, and even if I knew that most didn't trust me, I knew that I was still whole and no sword was thrusting from my heart and chest.
Elly finally explained why we were all called here, specially chosen for the task. She wanted to retrieve things that were once hers but had been stolen. Not in the conventional way, but in a much more dangerous way. We were to help her scry to her belongings and then summon them back to her. The enormity of the task was simply mind blowing. I had practice scrying, succeeded a few times. But this was so much more than I had even imagined. And if the act by itself wasn't dangerous enough, we were going to do it against my own kind. Yet I didn't fear for my self, but for all the others with us. Without speaking for the others, I already knew that if needed, I would have sacrificed every fiber of my being to see this to success, even if it meant never coming back. But where the others ready for it? As the fabled Connor explained the dangers, did they really understood the gravity of the act we were about to do? But although I'm sure that might not have known, they all decided to help Elly of their own accord, and that has to speak volume on how profoundly Elly has touched the life of those around her. I can only hope one day that I will be able to look back on my life and say that I have touch at least one person just a fraction of what she has, and that would make me feel as I have lived a good life. But still, the reality of the situation dawning on us, the mistrust was still present, and I was asked to be blindfolded so that I would not know where we were going. Did they think that through me, the enemy would be able to see? Or that I would turn on all those I cherish? Do they understand that I would die before even hurting any of them. And if ever I did, that I know I could count on Wren promise to put an end to my life if ever I turned to my kind's evilness? Nonetheless I complied, and Sehky as the gentleman he is, guided me through what seemed to be some kind of magical portal. I felt it electrify through my body, an odd sensation when you can not see where you are going. And for a long while I stood there, blind as a mole, listening to them trying to decide what their task would be.
When finally the blindfold was taken away from my eyes, I was left blinded by the brightness of the room. It was thought of me that I should help to protect those scrying, but in me I knew that I would be ill suited for that task. I had never attempted to protect someone from a counter scry, I had and still have no idea of the simple basics about it. Yet I knew that from my meager experience with scrying, I would be more useful to Elly helping her with that. And so, even though no one was there to anchor me, to provide me with their energy, I stood beside Elly ready to give all I had for her. She deserved the very least for all that she had done for me, and for the friendship that we have. And so we went on with our attempt. Through pain and fatigue, we pushed and opened ourselves to the Al'noth. Extending our power to see past the moment to where the objects where. Even if I knew that some were failing, and that the strain was starting to take a told on all of us, I tried my utmost to disregard what was happening around me, and focus myself on attuning myself with Tray and Elly, following the current in the Al'noth to the point of our destination. It felt like hours, I'm sure it was hours that passed since we had started, but we kept on and on. At one point, I'm not sure how or why, I felt the most horrible pain I had ever felt, and when I woke up I was back here at the house, in my bed. Apparently we failed at retrieving the objects, as we fell into a well layout trap. Instead of retrieving the object, we retrieved a couple of monsters, and one of our own fell in the fight that ensued. But in our failure there was success. I now know that it is possible to summon someone or something while scrying. But yet, with that new knowledge I am sadden. Sadden that we could not achieve what we had set out to do. And sadden that by our failure, Elly might still not feel complete without these objects so dear to her heart.
As I write this I still feel weakened by the experience, drained. But it will get better, at least I hope.
*She sets the quill down and lets the ink dry, reading what she had written and still unconsciously gently stoking the lock of hair imbedded in the chain of her reckless.*