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My name is Feawen Silimaure, it means Freed Spirit. It is a name given to me by my father, who followed the path of enlightenment and tried to instill in me the same understanding and values by his teachings and his own perceptions of the world. His name is Luthien Tiwele, which means wind dancer.
I have no other siblings no other family, and my mother passed away while giving birth to me. Her name was Amarie Lissesul, meaning generous spirit. When I was old enough, my father explained what happened to her and that she died while giving birth to me, and reassured me that it was not my fault, that she was simply not strong enough to carry me to term. I was born too soon and was much smaller than most of my Elvin kin. He also told me that I was fortunate to have been survived. He shared with me many stories about her kindness and generosity, which drew him to her during one of his many adventures.
For as long as I can remember, his patience and understanding never wavered, and he took me with him every where he went. I remember my dad fondly for the views he instilled within me. We were close and the stories he would tell me as we traveled together through the great woods, I remember to this day. We did not have a traditional home, and it never bothered me. I suppose because I had none to really think about that I had nothing to miss.
I remember at night, he would put me down to rest that he would hold me close until I would fall asleep to his soothing voice telling me stories of his journeys throughout the land, though one day I woke to a burned out fire, the dew covering my skin, and my father gone. At first I was scared, but then I understood, it was my choice to make to either follow my father's path he had began to show me many years ago, or to follow a separate path. He had given me the means to make that choice as I looked upon the monastery walls before me in the morning sunlight.
Through him I learned that possessions were unnecessary, all I needed was within. The clothes on my back and the food that sustained us provided by the lands, and that the true nourishment came from the spirit and enlightenment, acceptance that what we did have was enough and that we needed no more. I learned that I could survive simply.
It was within the monastery walls as I observed the new world I had chosen to embrace as my father had, that I began to truly understand. I never knew if I would see my father again but I had made a choice to pursue and perfect what he had begun, young and full of enthusiasm and wishing to understand and experience the world through an enlightened mind, I spent many years studying the world and beginning to understand that beneath the world I could see, lay greater understanding, waiting for me to fully grasp how grand it was, and the potential it held.
There were a great many things that I learned I could do to help others, that I could do to strengthen myself, that If I could focus my mind in such a way that I could even heal myself. I have not reached that clarity of mind yet though I am striving to understand that the potential is there. I have taken the step in perfecting my body into an instrument itself, strong and lean by working the fields at the monastery.
The monks have been kind to me, in letting me stay and learn from them as much as I can. They have been most patience with me, and their wisdom brings me ever closer to understanding myself. My own meditations have become deeper, and calmer, though there are things I have yet to let go of that keep me from true enlightenment, and I am not completely sure what they are but letting go of something I don't realize seems to be a great burden on me that I hope in time I will be able to realize and let go of. The monks have left that to my discovery, and they have also accepted that I have decided to leave as well and journey on my own. They have given me a simple set of clothing, a few true, and provided me with a path to follow that in the journey I should find my way.
I have also left a note there that should my father return someday he will know where his daughter has gone, and why. Perhaps on my journey I will again find him, and he will be as proud of who his daughter is, as I am of him, and the view of the world he gave me.
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Winged Trade, Spring Dawning 6, 1453
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Dear Father,
It has been many years since I woke to find you gone, and made my choice to follow the path you started me on. since I have left the monastery, I have come to find out that life is not so peaceful among the cities, that the world is harsh, cold, and can be very unforgiving.
It has made me realize that I have to adapt to survive. The lands still provide for most of my needs, but I have found that to survive there will be a few things I need to help me along my path. I have been collecting what I can from the land to help trade for the cost to acquire what I need.
I have met a few people along the way, Miss Therise, a very poetic bard, who it seems is cursed, and Sir Daniel, a cleric of Roferein. They both have helped me retrieve an item for the Captain in Port Hempstead and return it. I admit that without their help, I am sure I would not have been able to do it alone. Admittedly, I am not nearly strong enough to do things on my own as much as I would like.
I have also met another elf, her name is Valanca. She is a priestess of Ilsare. She maintains a distance, I believe that fear and anger sometimes have a hold of her heart. She has helped to teach me alot of patience, and persistance.
The world is much bigger than I imagined it to be father, and there is alot to learn yet. While I could have stayed at the monastery, I think there is more to learn, from experiencing life outside, to appreciate and help me on my search for deeper understanding of self.
~Feawen [/FONT][/COLOR]
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Dead Eye, Spring Blossom 25, 1453
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Dear Father,
I miss you, and as strong as you have taught me to be. I can not change that feeling, of how much. You are always a source of comfort and understanding and it is difficult to find anyone like you whom I can trust with my thoughts and feelings.
I have recently met a kind man, his name is Kell Ereptor. He has provided for me a gift after I almost fell to the goblins in the Red Light Caverns here. He thinks that I have potential to be more and has tested my skills by asking me to acquire for him a box of purple mushrooms. I have provided them to him and now work to repay what I owe the Angels Guild. It has never been my intention to take more than I could gain from the land but I admit the lure of being able to do something to help the people of this land, drew me further in than I expected.
From my observations of these people, I have learned quite a lot. Most will say one thing and seem to mean another, some are afraid of saying what they mean. Friends it seems are not always to be trusted and I wonder how it is then that they can be considered friends. People will also talk behind your back rather than confronting you.
My friend Valanca is a fine example, she speaks her mind, though she can be wrong at times because of her own life experiences so far. In doing so though she fails to view life from varing perspectives. She has recently tried to listen however to my own thoughts. Genuine as her attempt is, her friends make me feel unwelcome.
For now I think it is best to keep my distance and see what happens and focus more on toning my own body and skills to help those I can and repay my debts. I am concerned that should I fall into the trap of holding onto those here, I will lose my focus and the path I have set myself on.
~Feawen[/COLOR][/FONT]
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World Tree, Summer Home 7, 1459
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My journeys have taken me so far to the deserts of Dregar, to help recover two boys whose parents fell to the giants who live in such harsh lands. Their parents, their family fallen in a raid on their caravan. I was with Argos and a strange fellow named Rottie at the time.
They are friendly, that is to say they are friends. They are very protective, and Argos himself seems to be driven to prove something. Rottie as if he has nothing to prove accept that he is not his kin.
We returned the now orphaned boys over to the authorities in North Fort and hopefully they will see them to a safe home. I do hope to soon travel to visit them again. There is talk that they will wind up in Audria in the hands of the Azattans. Atleast they will be safe and well cared for, and hopefully that will bring them some comfort in this difficult time.
After my return from Dregar, while I was standing by the lake in Fort Wayfare, my thoughts drifted to you again Dad. You and Mom, and how much I miss you both.
I was met by a man, a follower of Vorax, a human named Xian Shu. He lost his parents much like the little boys I had just helped. And I can't help but wonder if in some way I am not to help him too. We had a friendly discussion and eventually wound up in the Arena of Fort Vehl where after a friendly wager, I felt it best to console his loss with a kiss on the cheek.
Maybe we are to help each other in some way. He says I should not blame myself for Mom's death, much as you have told me but part of me does. Even though I know you both love me very much. Even though I will never know mom more than through your own memories. I am sorry I took her away from you.
The lands here are as troubled as my own mind at times, as the waves beat the shores, the storm is not letting up. Something has to give or Port Hempstead will be lost, and so may people will be displaced.
May peace find their hearts in this most troubling of times.
Feawen Silimaure
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My dearest Feawen.......
For it has only been a few days since you last left the sight of my eyes and yet my heart already longs for your return.
As I sat by the fire that day in the Ire Mountain range..I had a feeling of inner peace come over me...then I noticed you fastly approaching on the ridgeline. From that very instant, I felt that feeling again that I only sense when you are near....
As I watch the stars flicker in the night sky, I find myself thinking of where you are...what you are doing...and pray that you are safe and warm. I remember my father and mother when I was just young Elf. He would come home after his daily training exercises and run and hug my mother ever so tightly and say to her..."For you are the one I fight for my love.."
On our adventure..Ragnar spoke the word of "Love". I asked him why he spoke of this word...but did not reply....My mind was racing from that point on.
I thought to myself....
Shadowleaf, could it possibly be?.....Could you be so lucky to maybe have this happen to you?....What Mom and Dad had?...Was this some sort of sign?....Was I destined to be with this beautiful and sweet lady I have come to know and admire??....
My mother used to take me for walks thru the woods and tell me..."If you want to win a ladies heart...you need to treat her with respect and honor...if they so deseve it, you will know when you have found the one just by trusting your heart"...
The dawn of new day begins as I finish this writing to you my dear..
When you mentioned "Soul Mates" in my ear that day....what my heart was feeling for you, instantly was no longer a puzzling mystery to me.. You make me feel like no other my dear...for you are on my mind when you are near and when you are far....The long nights I lay without you seem like an eternity...until my senses are replensihed upon the site of your return. I feel empty when you are away and full when you are near.
I tell you this...
I know the love my parents shared and how they interacted with one another...I see that in us.
I watched my parents laugh together and share intelligent conversation my dear...I see that within us.
I saw how they made each other very happy thru the years...and had an inner sense about how the other one was feeling... I feel that in us.
I have givin it many day a thought me lady and have come to realize this.......
The feeling I have for you is....Love...
I would consider it a honor my dear, if you would be my companion to share this life with me......
Shadowleaf.....
*small picture of two doves flying off together is drawn below*
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My Dearest Leaf,
I have felt the wind blow through my hair as I run along my path, and never chanced a glance back. I have walked my path mostly alone, thinking this is how it should be. I felt my path was meant to be alone, focused and true as an arcane archers arrows flowing swiftly through the air.
I have felt this way, but in all my training, in my own thoughts, I have always tried to find what I am meant to. The path to true enlightenment, of understanding and truth. I am not sure ultimate what that truth is, except when I stop a moment and truly think about us. I find the truth is simple, understanding is acceptance, and true enlightenment has been the path of growing with each other.
I find in you my soul mate, who could simply be the only one who understands me, who can lead me true to my heart and my chosen path. When I see you, I wish to be with you and understand us. When I am with you, I hope that you would do more than hold my hand, when you caress my cheek, I hope for more.
I hope to see you again soon, and hope that Chess finds you well. I am sorry for my distance of late but I do hope to change that distance soon and make my way back to Mistone. I have found myself in need of making a necessary trip to Dregar, a promise that needed to be kept.
~Your Feawen Always
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*scribed in Elven*
My Dearest Feawen....
I was so pleased to see Chess once again, he looked tired from his journey back to me..so he is enjoying some fresh chestnuts and water while I write this letter to you...
Your training is going to be one of life dedication and discipline...and I know that you have the inner strength to accomplish your goals in this world and anything your heart desires..I want to see you fulfill all of your dreams and find your path of true enlightenment..., I am willing to help you achieve those goals in any way I can my dear no matter if it takes a lifetime...
I do not know exactly why I was forced to leave my peaceful Forest village after the Orc raids, and begin a new life on Mistone..but one thing I do know..Is that our paths probably would of never crossed if that fateful did not happen. I do believe that everything happens in this world for a reason my dear..and that somehow we were destined to find one another. My life has been much happier since you have come into my life..you make me feel content and at peace...
I would like to take this opportunity and ask you of something... In your 100+ years on this planet, have you ever had someone special in your life? Someone who made you feel very special in return? If so, are the feelings you have for me comparable? I have never had a companion in my life so i have nothing to go on in terms of feelings...all I know is that, there is not a second of time that passes by that I wish you were with me...holding your hand softly, looking into your lovely green eyes and the feel of you lush brown hair running through my fingers.....
Once your travels bring you back to Mistone, and our paths cross once again...I would like to take you a quiet place where I like to relax and the same place that I am writing to you now from. Once we have arrived, I will get nice arm fire going and make you a good meal... After dinner...we can just sit in each other's arms and talk into the night and count stars...I do miss you so my dear......
Grom has been asking me about you too...He has really taken a liking to you my dear...but then again...why wouldn't he?
I long till our paths cross again...
Shadowleaf...
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My Dearest Feawen....
The nights have been cold and lonely without you in my arms my Love...
I have watched Ausir and Orn rise and fall in the night skies for the past few weeks now, without your reassuring touch to keep my mind at ease.... When you are not within the sight of my eyes...my heart aches until my eyes are once again filled with your petite loveliness...
When I travel through the vast forested lands, I see the beauty that nature has given us, and I see the same beauty in you my dear...The other day, I noticed something that usually I do not see in the forests.. Under a large tree there was a single standing Rose... I thought to myself.. "Why is a rose growing out here in the forests, and with not another single rose growing around it?"... I leaned over to look at the flower...I realized that this flower was something special that I have discovered. This Rose was as vibrant in color as I ever seen and it seemed to shimmer when my finger touched it?... I sat down and admired this rose for over an hour, just watching it gently sway with the wind. As I sat there, my thoughts about the Rose began to shift to thoughts of you.. This forest flower reminded me of you in so many ways. The beauty that this flower admitted outward, made me think of how you make my heart feel when I am with you. My thoughts of you began to run deep and I felt I had to write down what my heart was feeling at that time....
"My Forest Rose"
Delicate in nature...yet strong at heart....
For I fear the day to come when we are apart....
As I wander the forests without you and all alone......
This feeling from deep within my soul I have been shown....
A feeling of sincere compassion and unmatched Love, my heart has for thee....
With eternal tranquility, inner thoughts of you that run wild and free...
Weather be it in the mountains, forests or in the desert sand.....
My only wish is that you are close by my side, and we are together walking hand in hand...............................
Upon completing this writing, I noticed that the rose was emitting its heavenly fragrance...a fragrance that reminds me of your scent my dear.. No other scent can compare to the one of "My Forest Rose".
I pray that you are well and out of harm's way my love.. I am not a whole Elf until you are back into my arms once again....
Shadowleaf.......(a picture of a rose is drawn under name)
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My Dearest Leaf,
I hope that the path of our little friends finds this letter safely to you. I could not find 'chess' as I am sure he is with you. So I enlisted the aid of a beautiful raven. I hope that chess is not jealous because he is the sweetest little friend who warms my heart when I see him, as I know he brings me letters from you. My heart aches without you near, and even more so when I know it hurts your heart as much. Each time I receive your letters, your heart is felt closely and it makes the sun shine so much brighter. Though still the shadow of missing you and having your arms around me is felt deep within.
Aside from my father, I have never had anyone care so deeply for me, nor have I found myself ever able to hold onto anyone so deeply. I miss you My Beloved Leaf, and everytime I take a moments rest beneath a tree, I feel you closer still as if watching over me from afar.
I am smiling as I read your poem and I have committed it to memory, to my heart and to my spirit so that it never leaves me. I love how sweet you are, and how gentle and even your quiet stillness when you hold me. I love the softness of your hair and how it tickles me when the wind blows just the right way. I love the sound of your breathing and the way it feels as it blows across my ears and I embrace each moment with you so deeply.
I will be home in your arms again soon, and pray that you will be there to meet me too, beneath our tree, with the blanket of leaves to embrace as we hold close each other close and also as we travel again with our friends.
Your Forest Rose
Feawen
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Dead Eye, Autumn Dark 25, 1460
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Dearest Dad,
I have good news. Though from your eyes and being as protective as you always have been of me, it may not be as good. I wished to tell you that I met someone very special. He reminds me very much of you. His name is ShadowLeaf A'nadivian, and in him, I find contentment of my soul.
I would tell you where he is from only he was never told himself by his parents, in an effort to keep his people safe. It seems no matter where we come from parents always seem to remain the same. We have become close dad, so close I don't even need to speak sometimes for him to know my thoughts. He is a Ranger, and his animal companions have become friends of my own as well.
I have taken him back to Alindor to show him around and to even introduce him to the Rangers of the Wolfswood, as I believe they have much he can learn on his own path.
I know you would love him if you met him dad. He has the most gorgeous locks of black hair as dark as night, and his dark green eyes I can simply find myself lost within. Though in him I don't find myself lost. I find that I am learning more about myself and embracing the moments that we have together each of them. The love I could see in your eyes for mom, I can feel in my heart for Shadowleaf.
Dad! He has asked me to marry him, and I said yes! I know that you keep your distance so that I may walk my path alone and learn what there is to learn on my path, but I wish you to know that I love you and I would love for you to be at our wedding. I miss you.
~Feawen[/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT]
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Gateway, Autumn Twilight 15, 1462
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Dearest Dad,
Shadowleaf and I have spoken about it and decided with our seperate paths taking us apart so often that it is not necessary for us to have a ceremony that binds our hearts. We are content with our life much as it is already and the ceremony, the ring, and the dress are merely symbolic and truly our hearts know how they feel about each other.
I hope that this does not disappoint you dad, but I know that you are perhaps the most understanding man that I know, and you will be happy for me so long as I am. Dad. I am happy. Truly I am, and still I remain dedicated to the path of enlightenment but without experiences in my life to call my own, there is no true way to know enlightenment. Granted that Leaf is more than just enlightenment, he is my beloved, and my center, and clarity of thought when the clouds fill the sky.
I love you dad always,
Your Freed Spirit
Feawen Silimaure
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*scribed in Elven*
My Love,
I again, want to apolize for the the buisness I had to conduct with Fehriel the other evening while we were in Lor and could not go fishing and have dinner together.
I do want you to show me how to fish with a pole, line and worms. The have a fine meal together by the fire and just be together.
MY heart has been touched that your path of travel has led to my eyesight more often. Everytime my eyes lay upon your beauty I know that you are safe, and with me.
Chess will wait for your reply my Love. I wish the minutes away till our travels bring us back together once again.
Shadowleaf
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A letter returns only a few days after in the grip of the tiny and familar chess who looks as those he is content and fed well.
My Dearest Leaf,
There is no need to apologize, as in our journey together, we must understand that our dedication is not exclusive to each other, but to the world around us as well. I accept this and would not wish it to be any different.
We will have our time together, when it is the right time, and we will enjoy it and embrace it all the more for the patience we have had to learn along the way.
I love you My Leaf and soon our paths and the timing will come together. Please be assured that I love you.
~Your Forest Rose Always,
Feawen
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Gateway, Autumn Harvest 29,1460
*sends Chess with a note to find and deliver it to Feawen before leaving for Leringard*
(scribed in Elven)
My dearest Feawen,
I have come to a point in my life where I must fulfill one of my father's training lessons. I will be leaving for my expedition to Krashin's northern territories after I finish this letter to you.
I felt I should leave word with someone just in case I should not return. I must endure the elements and the glacial cold for a total of 7 days straight. I will use my thoughts of you to try to keep me warm through the long cold nights alone.
Should I happen to succumb to the harsh conditions up there and fall, I want you to continue on with your path, seeking true enlightenment and become all you desire in this world. I hope you and your father do find each other someday, I know he misses his daughter as much you miss him.
I want you to know that you have touched my heart in so many ways, that mere words cannot begin to describe my feelings for you. You are truly a lovely lady and I am honored to have had you in my life up to this point. I can only pray that I survive my training and return to view your beautiful self again. Hopefully, I should return back sometime in Autumn Dark. If Chess does not return to you soon after that time, Im afraid it means that I have fallen to Krashin's cruel environment and failed my survival training.
If this does end up taking the life force from my body, there is one thing I want to you to always remember.
I love you, Feawen Silimaure.
Shadowleaf... [/FONT]
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Would my path of enlightenment be meant to go on alone? Surely it can't be, surely to find balance within, it is to be a path shared with another. Could the wind be so cruel as to take my Leaf down a path he may not return from?
I have faith in ShadowLeaf that he will return, and I have faith that when the time is right we will begin a family of our own, how long or when that will happen its as yet unknown. I know that when he returns from Krashin though, he will wish to meet a friendly face, with a warm embracing smile. So I will wait in Leringard for his ship to return, because within me I know he will.
The Forest Rose can not be without the Shadow of her Leaf.
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My dearest Love,
Even though only a few days have passed, I am still savoring our dinner together that night on the little Island in Stone. I am truly blessed to have someone with such a caring heart that is filled with compassion become a part of my life. As you noticed upon first seeing me that night, I was not well on the inside. I felt a certain sadness and had feelings of self doubt, something to which I am not used to feeling. My training has not incresed as I have wanted it to and I let that get in my mind, in a hurtful way...as you witnessed. After your gentle relaxing massage, that I almost went to sleep during, my mind began to heal. The touch of your soft silky hands made me become conent just lying in your arms, looking up at your beautiful aura. I have been thinking a lot of what you said to me that night, on what I need to look more for... Patience.
As I have come to know the inner Feawen, you have shown me so many ways in how to harness ones mind and remain calm and collected. I have never seen you get upset even, which I know comes from your dedication to following the path to enlightenment. After I left you in Stone, I walked the rest of the night, thinking about all the things you said to me and I found myself smiling till dawn. Thank you my love.
I am glad I did not burn the fish on the fire and removed it just in time *laughs*. I was glad you liked your meal and would love to do it for you again sometime in the near future. The times I am around your soothing nature, I feel I have all the patience that I would ever need. That is why I have such feelings for you my love, there is no other person that makes me feel the way I do when I am around my Forest Rose.
Grom loved the Salmon fillets and has already asked when we are going again. He was upset with me a little after knowing that I was with you that night. He wants me to tell you that he loves you too. Please never change my love, I feel you are a blessing for that which has been brought to me, my guiding angel from the heavens that watches over my travels and well being.
Plese be safe my love. I care for you so, and patiently wait till we are reunited once again in the future.
Your Love,
Shadowleaf
*Picture of a rose near a tree is roughly drawn below*
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My Beloved Leaf
Each bite of fish I take I savor and am reminded of our time together, each moment not only just Stone, as it reminds me of how embraced by your love I am, and how honored and treasured you make me feel to do so much. You, Chess, and Grom are my family, you are my home.
When I leave I find myself looking back at the path I walk and how it always leads me back to you. Never does my heart stray or waver from you, never will it. I don't wish for it to as I hold onto you with all that I am.
When I was in the monastery, my brethren there would try to teach us that things of this world will only hold you bound to this earth, and that until you are ready to release them will you ever truly reach enlightenment.
I am not ready to let go of you or my father, or chess or Grom. I have a path that I wish to follow and I pray that it will be a long time spent with you so that I may enjoy you love, your warmth, and then way you hold me gently. There is still much in my path that I need to learn, beyond being able to let go.
I almost wonder if my father has already found the end of his journey and let go of what binds him to this world. I would be comforted if this was the case and why I have not heard word from him in these many years.
My Love, let it matter not what others believe or think or feel about you, that you should place such a measure of your self worth. Let only what you know and feel and the true intentions of your path be what you find peace in.
You can not and should not let the judgemental glares of those around you change who you are inside. I hope that in this life I can show you much of what I have learned so far and help you to find peace within much as I have.
I truly enjoyed tending to you so gently, to see you relax and become content to my touch. I love to see you peaceful My Leaf, and to feel that you know how much I love and care for you. I know that soon we will again meet on the little isle though I would be just as happy meeting under our tree and eating cold fish, and enjoying the sweetness of your kiss, so long as we are together.
All My Love,
Your Forest Rose
Feawen
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My Love,
Chess is so anxious to deliver this letter to you, he can not contain his little self and is bounding around with anticipation as I write this.
All of my animal friends truly do love you Feawen. I see them look at you in our travels together, they treat you as a part of me and have been asking of you often.
I have read that there will be a party with song and dance in Leringard soon. I would love to accompany you to this my rose.
When I find out the exact date, I will send Chess to you again.
Be safe my Love,
Shadowleaf
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My Dearest Love,
I would love to join you for this event My Beloved and can not wait to design a dress fitting for this event.
I am always happy to see our little friends bound into my life and receive your notes of affection and the way that Chess curls up next to me as I write back, letting me rub his tummy and gently hugging my hand as I do so.
Our family is so precious to me. You are so precious to me. Also have you had a chance to think more about what we have discussed, is there anything more you can remember?
I miss you My Beloved and I look forward to your next letter and visit from Chess.
All My Love,
Your Forest Rose.
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My Love,
As I watched Chess come back to me joyful and energized, I knew that he had found you doing well which made me feel content.
I am honored to have you by side for such an event. A new dress you say?, I could not imagine you any more beautiful then in the one you wore atop the tower for me that one cloudy windy day. You are quite breathtaking my dear, I would always welcome the pleasure of viewing you in a new dress that you have made or bought for that matter. I will feel that I am the luckiest guy at this entire event to have you on my arm.
I am honored that you have accepted my invitation my Forest Rose. I hear that this festival might even have music in the streets which should be fun for us. Do not worry about bringing any coin for food, drinks, games, because I will take care of all coin needed for us that night. I have a few jobs lined up and making some good coin off of them and I would like to treat you to a pleasant and joyful evening my dear.
To answer you about my thoughts as of late....
Well, I have given some more thought to it. I have been finding myself occasionaly sitting in various sea port's, taverns and pubs trying to maybe overhear a word or two that would bring my memory back, but mostly the loud bar patrons muffle out any conversation close by. I wish I knew more my Love, but I wanted to forget everything from that fateful day that it happened, till those days I set foot on Mistone. Its been almost 5 years now and I have not really thought about it until just recently. I will keep trying though.
I trained myslef to block it all out. It may take some time for me to let it re-enter my mind. I will remain patient and see where my mind takes me.
Everytime Chess comes back and jumps into my arms with your note, a sudden rush of wind with the fragrance of you fills my senses. I sometimes read your letters over and over by the fire at night. I look out deep into the stars and wonder where are you right now?. I then know it not matters where you are in bodily form...for we are never apart in spirital form and are always together in our own special way.
Love Always,
Leaf
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My Leaf,
I always hope that I bring peace to you my love, as its my intent to bring contentment to your spirit as best I am able. Please know my love that before you and I can truly be happy together even more so than we already are. You must find peace within. This is why I am so insistent that you try to remember as much as you can, even about your past which I know brings you a great deal of uncertainty and pain right now.
I am also very thrilled that you invite me to go with you different places, as I love spending time with you. Whether that is traveling on grand adventures throughout the lands or on your arm at a dance. I am content either way. From what I have seen of the traditions of this land it is custom to have a new dress for such occassions of dating and I if I am to be honest, well I like the idea of picking out a new dress that you will enjoy seeing me in. I love the way you look at me when you are taken. Though I truly know if I were not even wearing a dress. You would look at me the same. It is I who am honored to be asked by you to such an event.
I Love you my Leaf and I hope that you are at peace right now, content and safe beneath the stars. I am sorry I could not send this particular letter back by Chess, but I thought he would like to travel along with me for awhile and found a falcon who is friends with Chess, who was more than happy to do the task.
Always and Forever,
Your Forest Rose
Feawen
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My Beloved,
I had to write you and ask of what was troubling your mind the other nite when we were with Daniel and others. You mind seemed to be somewhat distant on our adventure that night. The times that we would stop for a quick rest and I would look over to you, I did not get that warm smile in return as I usually do and your attention was elsewhere. Your soothing touch or the occassional quick gentle kiss is what I missed that night as we traveled down into the spider caves.
Then when we left and headed back to Folian's Vale to depart our own ways and you were still not yourself it seemed. You frowned at my offer to walk you home afterwards. I also do believe your home is always with me my Love. Although we are apart for many days on end, I assure you, our home will always be the place that we end up back together again.
The look in your eyes when you spoke of Dan's and Bella's child I could not understand. I did not know if it was longing for our own family or second thoughts somehow. I know we have talked about our family and we will definetely talk more in the future on this. I so do want to raise a family with you someday my Love. For us to be able to take the children on picnics and fishing would be heavenly.
I have dreams somtimes of us doing such that. We have a son and a daughter. I see you sitting in the tall grass weaving your daughter's hair as the wind blows across the fields. The sight of you two together brings tears to my eyes my love, you two are the most beautiful ladies I have ever seen. Then me and the boy and out running around and playing tag and hide and go seek. We all have a fine meal together and we clean up and head back for the night. We walk the trail holding hands as the children run ahead cheerfully. I have had this dream more then once my Forest Rose....more then once.
I have always told you that I want you to confide in me anything that might be puzzling or bothering you on the inside. I am not only the one you fell in love with, but I am also your best friend and I want you to tell me all that you feel.
Please be safe till our arms embrace each other once again.
All my Love,
Leaf
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My Love,
I have been givin that task to fill an entire chest full of Rye grains. The only problem is that i do not know where they grow?
I know that your travels have taken you over may different lands and was wondering if you have come across these types of grains before? When your travels bring you back to me, I was hoping that maybe you could accompany me in the this search? I will gladly split the True with you once I receive payment from Enzo. He is also wanting me to collect another full box of Stirge feathers for him too.
I know that do not value currency much, but this True will help you purchase some things that will help protect you in your travels. If I know that you even just a little more protected from harm's way, I would feel more at ease knowing that you are safe.
All my Love,
Leaf
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My Dearest Leaf,
I have come across them in my travels to Dregar, that is the only place I know they grow near the bugbears there. I know, however that it is a very dangerous trip, and would not feel comfortable with you going it with just me.
What I will offer however is to keep you safe as I can sneak by most anything without much trouble. I will try to help you collect these bits of rye to help you and Enzo accomplish what you need.
Payment however is not required, thoughtful however as it is. I would not ask such to help My Beloved.
All My Love,
Your Forest Rose
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The dream was absolutely unbareable and I know it is only my fear that is trying to grab hold of me. The thoughts of what happened to my mother surfacing in such a way I can not help but try to push it from my mind or else find myself consumed in the nightmares.
I miss my father, and the journey to help My Beloved find his own parents are only reminding me how much I miss him. I want to have children with my beloved but I admit that the dreams... They scare me. I would not have changed a moment that I spent with my father but I do not want my own child to be without a chance to know their mother. I do not want to miss watching my own children grow up.
When I close my eyes though I can see it all happen so slowly, so vividly, and I am alone. The baby comes to soon, and as I look down on my own stomach I see the outline of a face like demon, horribly ugly as blood trails down my legs to the ground below, like it is pouring from me, and the baby comes still born, it is not the only child though, as I cradle the child I have longed to hold lying cold and lifeless in my arms, another pain forces me to my knees as another child is born, one that is recognizeable as complete evil.
I don't know why these dreams are filling my thoughts but I try to steal myself it is only a dream. I have never had dreams like these I can remember as though I am awake and watch it take place right before my eyes. I can see and smell and hear and feel it happening.
Why is this happening to me? I am uncertain.[/FONT]
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The trip to Lans port with my beloved was to be a trip to see the sights, to see the cliffs of a beautiful port along the sea. Another way that I could share with him the home that I grew up in, and how beautiful Alindor is.
What we heard upon our approach though was the thundering of drums filling the air and the preperations for a battle against Trolls. Listening to the captain felt as though the city was very ill prepared for the onslaught that was about to hit this beautiful city, and I could not imagine the devestation that the Trolls would cause, nor the terror that the people could be experiencing at the thought of losing their homes.
The port had of course fought off the Trolls before, and as I went to scout under request of those present, the enormity of what was about to happen gripped me. It was not that I was afraid of dying. Death and I have met intimately many times before, even the Soul mother knows my name.
I was not scared of the upcoming battle, but for the others of the Port, as I crept through the hundreds of Trolls with an ominous feeling that with the few gather troops that the town would fall if we did stand and defend the bridge that would make the Trolls invasion easier. We had to hold the bridge at all costs to protect the Port.
The first wave came as I had never fought so hard in my life, each directed kick more focused than the last, each swing aiming for the most damage that it could, each potion determined to keep my those fighting along side us, alive as long as we could.
The first time the world went black I do not even think I felt the pain, only the blackness and the eventual pull of my consciousness back into my body. I felt weakened and tired, but I could not let even my own situation stop me from protecting those who needed us. So I got back up and went back to fighting side by side with the dwarves, with Kerne, with Yurax, the song of Andrew inspiring and the determination of Galathea encouraging.
The battle regardless of victor was epic and to be part of it was incredible, with the third wave striking though the pain within became unbearable, it was as if their shaman saw directly into my soul and used my nightmare against me, and in that moment I saw the death of my beloved Leaf and I simply could not bare the thought.
It was not long after that Kerne and his mighty Vorax came along and raised the fallen of us, as we again prepared for a battle that never came. As we waited, Andrew tried to encourage us to end the battle once and for all but we were all to worn, to tired to continue, and it seemed as though the Trolls were as well.
Lans Port will surely call on us again, but admittedly for the first time I was simply to tired to try to continue to fight, and was glad to make our way back to Fort Wayfare through portal kindly provided by the people of Lans Port and to make our way back home to the dapple green, where Leaf and I could relax and just collapse into each others arms again.
Dad you would have been proud of your daughter today, she fought with all the strength she could manage and was even inititated as a battle sister by the dwarves. I have never felt more part of something than in the moment Kerne wiped the Troll blood on my forehead and called me a sister.
I miss you Dad and I hope that our paths again meet soon.
Always your Freed Spirit
Feawen Silimaure
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I recently took a trip back to Alindor to see if I could find my father, to hopefully hear even a whisper of his whereabouts, but I had found nothing. It has been so many years without a word from him, and I am concerned that something is wrong.
I do hope to return soon with My Beloved Leaf to again persue the search but I am certain if I continue down this path, worring about something I can not change, it will only end badly.
I do miss my father, but I think I need to find a way to let go too. I love them both dearly and I have to think that my father in his own way is telling me to live my life as a freed spirit.
~Feawen
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Bright Eye, Summer End 23, 1468
How could I think of saying no? I thought when he began to speak of finding someone that he had been looking. I thought that he no longer loved me because I had not been driven by the need to formalize our love in a ceremony.
Yet he asked me! He wants to marry me, he wants to. And now the day is almost upon us. Soon I will be Mrs. ShadowLeaf A'nadivian. Oh Dad! I never expected to fall in love when I left home. I admit my own fear has kept me at a distance from most, my training a convenient excuse, but I love Leaf with all my heart, and I want to be the mother of his children.
Never since you and I traveled together have I felt so loved and cared for. Never have I trusted someone so much with my own life, my own heart, and now I believe we truly have a chance to find a future together. I know it is soon after leaving home, but dad, he is my heart. He knows me truly better than anyone else. He has the most beautiful hair like midnight and in him I find peace and contentment. I find that balance between night and day. I try to prepare now, to find a dress, to find the perfect ring, to write my own wedding vows.
Dad! I am fumbling over my own words! I wish so much you could be here to see your little girl getting married. I wish mom were here too.
I love you dad!
Your Feawen Silimaure[/COLOR][/FONT]
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Gateway, Spring Rain 1, 1469
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The day we wed a gentle rain and I became Miss ShadowLeaf A'nadivian. I gave away the only gift I could aside from a small golden ring with a perfectly cut diamond set. It was the day that I gave away my name for the only reason that anyone should give away their life, freely, lovingly and to become part of a bigger purpose.
Together we stood beneath the canopy of leaves that protected us from the rain drops, holding tightly to each other hands, gazing warmly at each other as we made our vows to each other. Within I knew how I felt towards My Leaf, and that there were no words that I could find to truly express it, as simply a look conveys how we feel.
But as I listened to him, his soft voice, I could see how much he loves me. I could feel it and I could hear it within me, and each and every word spoken a treasured memory that I will never forget as a moment gifted to me by the wind, and whispered in my soul.
From the moment my eyes first saw you that day in the Moors, without having even met you, I knew that you would become a special part of my life. It has been 10 years since that day and here we are my Love, standing before friends as our hearts become one.
Feawen Silimaure, I have and always will love you like no other. You are my inspiration, my guiding light and my heaven sent angel. Since you entered my life, I have come to know and understand the meaning of true love, when you care for your companion more than you do for your own self.
When we are together, we show our love, share our thoughts, ideas, secrets, and we have deep compassion for one another. I vow to keep these things always present in our lives and to keep communications between us ongoing at all times. There is nothing that I wish not to share with you my Love.
When we are apart, we both know deep down inside that the other one is always with us in spirit. I have come to realize that you and I were destined to come together for a reason. I have come to understand this as us being each other's soul mate. I vow to always cherish you and our internal bond together till the day comes when I will take my last breath in this world.
It has become my natural instinct to watch over and protect you from harm's way 'Wen. This is something I feel very strong about my Love, the sight of you ill, hurt or even sick makes my body feel the same effects.
I am glad that you have trained your body well enough to take care of yourself when I am not with you, but know this, I will always watch over and protect my Forest Rose, even if it means that I shall have to sacrifice my own life to save yours.
There has never been another lady who makes me feel so special on the inside as well as the outside. Since you became a part of my life 'Wen, I have never had other feelings for another lady, like the feelings I have for you. I vow to never abandon you or have other special relations with another woman.
Not just because it is the considerate thing to do, but just because I have no desire to be with anyone else, I have you, and you are everything in a lady I ever dreamed for.
My most beautiful Feawen, I stand before you here today still sometimes wondering what have I done to be so blessed to have you in my life. My mother always said to me when I was a young Elf, "Good things come to those who wait my little Leaf".
10 years ago my wait ended as our hearts came together and now they become unified by the powers granted in the High Protector. Looking into the future, I see us growing together with love, honesty, empathy, and the gods willing, a family of our own someday.
I, Shadowleaf A'nadivian, love you Feawen Silimaure, as my confidant, lover, and my soul mate. I consider it an honor to have you as my wife in our journey through life and many years down the road, grow old and watch our children's children grow up and become fine skillful elves such like their parents AND grandparents were.
In that moment my heart was bound to his, and though the words had not been there before that moment, they came in the next as our friend Daniel spoke to wake me to the moment.
My Love, My Windblown Leaf, My Midnight Dream. You came to me a apart of our destiny blown to me by winds of fate neither of us expected. You came to me to make me whole again. I think of our endless possibilities when I gaze into your eyes.
I think of the love of a creator placing the finishing touches on an amazing work of art, and you are that final touch who I treasure each moment with and cherish endlessly. Each moment you show me more and give me insight to a world I never knew before.
Today before our friends, I promise you that I will always love you, that I will always remain faithful and true to you. That I will always support you, that I will tend you when you are sick or just because I know you enjoy it so much.
I will always be patient and understanding. I will always be here for you and love you with a resolve that will never waver. I promise to be here to kiss away each tear.
I promise that you My Windblown Leaf, to always be true and share with you all of my fears, all of my dreams and to listen always and support you in everything we do. I promise as long as you will have me ShadowLeaf A'nadivian!
Now bound together always, by promise and ceremony ShadowLeaf and I have begun our lives together Father. I wish you could have been here to share the moment with us but I know the moment has not come yet for us to be reunited yet. You and mom are constantly in my thoughts though. I know this letter will find you well and warm. That though your steps are quick, the falcons fly with the aid of the wind to let you know that your little girl is always thinking of you.
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Mulnari, Augra 16, 1472, at 16:09:45
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"Breathe, Relax, calm, focus. You can do it Feawen. It will pass." I can hear her reassuring voice over and over again in my mind as the contractions threatened to overwhelm me, and again she was right. Minda's calm voice and gentle grip on my hand there for me, as much as My Beloved Leaf's where, as again I tried to settle back into the bed, as she left for a little bit to check for the sister's arrival.
Something about this time didn't feel the same though, as the pain became more unbearable and closer together. I could feel my beloveds hand gently rubbing my back trying to comfort me and for awhile it to helped but the pain would not go away, and for awhile all I could think about was the pain, I could not even hear him speaking. The pain the fear I was try to keep under control but not even all the training I had could stop the feeling something was wrong, terribly wrong with our precious babies.
As the pain progressed and came closer together the Aeridinite Sisters arrived, and encouraged me to try to breath through the pain rather than holding it, and then the most horrible pain came, as I felt a gush of liquid running down my legs and soaking the cot beneath me.
I could hear voices at a distance, the sounds of Daniel's voice trying to be reassuring, when did he arrive? The sounds of Leaf, of the chatter of the Sisters, and their encouragement but the pain I could not stop and our children were not supposed to be here this soon. Why is this happening to me to our children? I was doing everything I was told, I was following directions as I was told, resting when I was supposed to. I felt like I was on fire and shivering at the same time, and like I didn't have a choice but to focus in the moment as the pain kept me there.
Again the feeling of a contraction came and I could hear the encouragement to push this time. They were coming, much to soon than they should, but I pushed as well as I could, with a determination and strength I am unsure where it came from, but with each contraction I pushed, with Leaf's aid when I felt so tired I couldn't push very well, and then Orion graced us with his presence. I remember wanting so much to hold him, I couldn't hear him crying; I was so scared until they said he was breathing. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms and see his beautiful face. I just knew he would look like his father, with the same beautiful black hair, and the green eyes that I would instantly fall in love with.
But the pain came again and it was all I could think about before I felt myself loosing my hold on the world around me, the blackness and peace of death, a temporary escape from the pain, it must have been the peace that my mother felt and tried to escape to as I was born. Was I dying, were the nightmares to pull me into their embrace? Was it my time too? A golden warmth surrounded me and then the all too familiar pain, welcomed me back into the real world to resume my duties as a mother, my life given back to me through the grace of Toran.
There she is, my beautiful little Rose, a beautiful little girl. I wanted to hold her in my arms but exhaustion embraced me and held me tightly in its arms, as much as I wanted to hold my precious babies. I felt the warmth of the bed embracing me unable to fight the exhaustion. I don't remember much after, I don't remember any dreams. I don't remember hearing the sounds of our baby girl crying, though Leaf tells me that Minda brought her in to feed several times, as her little body demanded it of me.
It wasn't until I was more awake and aware that Leaf finally shared with me the fate of Orion and Hunter, our precious little boys. We had two sons! I do not know what I did wrong, but I feel this pain inside me that I have never felt before and it will not go away. I can see the pain in Leaf's eyes too, sadness, gratefulness and relief seem to reside within his heart too.
I love Melaa with all my heart and I wish that she would have had the chance to know her brothers. She is so beautiful though, so peaceful, so sweet and tiny! I fear to let go of her because she is so small, was I that small when I was born? It doesn't matter. I will protect her and care for her and love her unconditionally.
I can not help but think back to the story Leaf told me long ago that seems perfectly fitting of our little Rose. She is a fighter, yet Delicate in nature, yet strong at heart...
A long time ago a wind set in motion a leaf to come into my life, that leaf was your father, hidden in the shadows until the time was right, and when we both needed each other the most, now you are here with us to love and guide when we need you the most.
Oh Orion and Hunter, I wish I could have had the chance to hold you both, to let you know how much I love you. I know that you both are at peace and where you are meant to be. I will always and forever treasure you and keep you in my heart and a part of me.
You will never be forgotten and always loved by your mother. May your spirits be free and sore high into the beauty of the sky. May your spirits protect and guide your sister, in her life and bring comfort to your father's heart. I know he misses you so much.
All My Love,
Your Mother Feawen[/COLOR][/FONT]
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I miss you father, I wish you were hear to see your beautiful granddaughter Melaa. I miss mom too. I know you two would be so proud of your Son in law too. I know you would embrace Leaf for all he means to me. And I know I am wrong for letting my emotions get the better of me, but I believe it is more important to accept and appreciate how I feel to understand when it is needed. I can tuck them away.
Leaf and I are the new caretakers of the Krandor Hospital, and the sisters who have graciously helped us, have invited me to study under them, so that I may learn more of the healing that I was not able to learn from my brothers. I think it is so very important to grow my knowledge to further understand the path I am walking, and so I am learning alchemy too. I have started to work with making healing drafts.
I also have found that through my understanding of self, that most magic seems to bounce off of me, and that poisons do not usually effect me.
What does effect me is more though is failing others when they count on me most. I travel the lands helping Sir Daniel Benjamin when I can, and others when it is requested. I help Leaf in the hospital and try my hardest to protect our patients as much as I can. It is not always an easy path but father, Melaa is learning, and asking questions though and she is the bright light in our lives. She is so beautiful words can not even describe her. Please Dad, when you can, Please come for a visit. Please let me know you are alright.
All my Love,
~Your Freed Spirit
~Feawen
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My Beloved, I know is discouraged even more so that our dear friend Andrew has been imprisoned while trying to protect his friends in the hospital. The people of the city are distant, reluctant to come close to even Melaa. Her friends that she has made have pulled away and she does not understand.
It pains me deeply that she is hurt, that our cause is hurt, and that our friends are hurt because we failed in our mission to help the city. There is hope though with the open house that we can help reintroduce the hospital to the people. That we can open the doors and dispel the mystery behind the hospital and the work we have done.
I have been keeping with my studies that Clasina and Dorrha have been teaching me, and each day I learn more about healing potions and the herbs that go in each but still it is wearing on all of us.
Clarisse, Elohanna's daughter, and Andrew's Son, Ty have been staying with us also, though Ty I can tell is miserable, Clarisse, Melaa and him have become good friends. They manage to keep their spirits up working together, and playing and Elohanna has also been helping around the hospital as well.
I truly hope that getting out into the community will help restore our reputation and allow the city to know that we are part of them too, and we are grateful to be here among such strong people.
For now I must go as there is much to prepare ahead of the open house.
~Feawen
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It has been awhile since I have taken the time to write in my Journal and Melaa has grown older, and her father more withdrawn it seems. Sometimes for days he locks himself away in his office and barely eats.
I have tried to get him to go out and see our friends, to open up and tell me what bothers him so but he seems so closed off.
I should seek out our friends, Sehky surely can reach him. They are like brothers, at least they were. It troubles Melaa to see him like this as neither of us understand, and she feels as if it is something she has done wrong.
I can only comfort her, and let her know it is nothing she has done.
Even now sitting by the door, he won't let me in. Where have I failed you my love?
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I wished I had better news to give her about the hospital but all I could do was give her the truth. We need her to help strengthen and restore the faith of the people in our mission. She has agreed and so I have sent word to have the locksmith come and change the locks so I can give her and others keys, Leaf's absence.
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It is happening through the help and support of my dear Mage Blossom, Celador, through Lynessa's support of my being his assistant, through the generous support of William, a blessed paladin of Toran, the hospital is finally coming back to life from its slumber.
Lady Galathea has returned to offer her aid and support, and I only hope that Glitch'nich will offer his skills as well to support our cause. Though I know their help is voluntary, it is still welcomed, and appreciated greatly.
My little Rose, Melaa is becoming such a beautiful young lady and I think, and I can see her becoming closer to the Sisters, here at the hospital and her interest in healing blossoming as well.
She is always so eager to tell me more of what she has learned. And I know if her father were here she would be telling him everything. I still find it hard sometimes that his path has taken him away from us, but I also understand that he needs to find himself and I am not part of that path, I do hope for Melaa though that he returns because she misses him very much, and its hard for her to understand why he would leave.
Through the sisters insistence and the years that have passed though I have met someone who has captured my heart, again and I find myself surprised at how close we have become in such a short amount of time, but our paths were meant to cross and I am looking forward to sharing my life completely with him.
She carefully tucks his letter to her into her journal before taking out a fresh clean piece of parchment, and dabbing her quill into ink to reply to him
My Dear Mage Blossom,
Your letter reaches Melaa and I, on our way to Mariners Hold as it happens to meet with Andrew, as he has encouraged us to come visit so that he can continue Melaa's lessons, and I can meet with Priestess Elohanna to see if there is anything we may do to help each other.
In short the sisters have insisted we take this trip and get out together to get some sunlight and let them do what they do best in peace. I know this letter will find you well before we arrive and I look forward to hearing all the news you wish to share when we arrive.
Melaa says to tell you also that she misses Lynessa, and to tell Clarisse, she wants to have a tea party when she gets there.
All our love,
Your Desert Rose