Winter Night 4, 1473
It has been 6 years since I left home, and six years since I have wrote to tell you, how I am doing. I am here in Center, waiting for a friend who has sent me a letter, after spending countless days enchanting for Cailomel's shop. I thought I would be scribing by now, and I have made a few scrolls, but my focus has been turned away from scribing into enchanting which requires a lot of study. I am doing well though. I am able to make ability gems that I can practice setting into stones, and soon I plan to even start practicing on diamonds.
I have met the love of my life and him and I have a home together just outside of Castle Mask. It is a beautiful home, but it seems to have turned into more of a warehouse as we work hard on our respective crafts.
His name is SehKy, and I love him more than anything. When he holds me there is no place else I would rather be, when he kisses me, I want the moment never to end. You would love him Mom and Dad. I know you would. He tries to do things for me but I know that asking would cause a conflict between his guild and myself, since we are working for competing establishments. It does not matter to us though as we help each other collect things when we can to help each other out. Small stacks of timber to aid his arrow making, feathers when I can find them, though the toughest of all I can not even lift a pick to strike the veins of copper ore we may come across, but I can polish and cut gems pretty well.
He is Ilsarian, mom and dad! And the love comes through his heart so much. I think though that I surprised him with my honesty when I told him how I felt for him. We were sitting along the grand crimson eagle memorial in Port Hempstead and it was then that we talked about it and decided that we would date at first to see how it went and how we felt about each other. He wrapped his arms around me as we sat on the cliffs in Lar, and I feel at home there with him. That was about 4 years ago now. Neither one of us has expectations of the other, and sometimes we spend lots of time apart. He always manages to find me though, and it makes me wonder if I have become predictable.
I love you Mom and Dad and I miss you too. I promise that soon I will try to come home and visit, and hopefully SehKy and I can come together. Oh! I almost forgot to mention. The Headmaster of the Tower Academy has taken me under his wing to teach me more scrolls. Oh Mom! You would simply love the library here. It is so big! I wish I could write more but I believe that my friend will be coming soon. I will write again though as soon as I can and know that I love you both very much!
With all my love,
Breanna
Gateway, Spring Dawning 15, 1481
I don't know if I am a fool or not, but I have befriended a dark elven kin, perhaps to say I befriended him is not the right words to convey what has happened, and I know that if my other friends knew, they would judge me harshly.
There is a gentleness about him though he hides it and denies it. I believe he is just used to no one believing in him and so its easier to hide. Part of me believes him too, that while I should report him, in my eyes he has done nothing wrong.
Listening to him and Tyra, though. It confused me, I did not mean to eavesdrop on them but it happened, and startled me. I am unsure of what to make of either of them but there is darkness in both their hearts that I can not deny.
The talk of killing, of allies, of twisted plots, even of deceptions has me shaken. I don't know now whether I can believe Sehky or Keela or even Nym, now that I know his real name. Which maybe is a lie to me too. I think the only thing I can do is try to keep my distance and not be swayed by one side or the other.
They are all people who I care for very much. I just don't know what I have gotten myself into and if Master Omer knew. I so pray he doesn't know. What would he think?
She sits down by the rock, in Orcs Watch, taking out notes she has found tucked away in the library shelves and re-scribed in her own hand reading them over and over again. Wiping at tears that don't seem to be willing to stop.
The sun has long since stopped but the glow of light from her own bow sitting beside her provides her light enough to read by. She carefully marks the date before re-scribing the notes into her journal.
Gateway, Summer Home 22, 1484
Known as the Prince of Hate, Lord of Spiders, to some as the Avenger.,
The garb of Priests of Baraeon Ca'duz are predominantly black and stained with dark shades of green.
Around their neck they wear a medallion in the shape of a spider, the symbol of their god. Most are also masters of disguise, especially when carrying out a long anticipated plan of retribution.
He is known to be unfriendly towards Katia and Enemies to Aeridin, Az'atta, Beryl, Deliar, Dorand, Folian S'pae, Ilsare, Lucinda, Pruinilla, Rofirein, Shindaleria, Sulterio, Toran, and Vorax.
Beneath the notes she begins to write her own thoughts.
So this is what Sehky has been trying to tell me. Everything I loved, everything is gone. I loved Nym, I poured out my heart to him. I told him everything about my dreams, I trusted him. I wanted to have faith that he could change, but it was always me he wanted to change. The times he held me close...Folian how could I have been such a fool. How could I be so wrong? I have no one left anymore. Andrews song, his comfort, just a temporary salve against my own failings. I do not know what I am going to do. I made a promise to Protector Storold to aid him. I must keep my promise, and to the guards. Something good has to come out of my own failings. I have to make amends to the families of the guards. I know now the name of Nym's Lord, his handler, as Keela put it. Something I have never known before. Something he kept guarded from me, even Duchess is too dangerous to be trusted but I have to do something.
Perhaps speaking with the Captain of the guard again will help and give me some insight I did not have before, and these clothes. I need to change them. I am far to recognizable as I am.
I wish that my friends would understand why it is I am trying to walk this path alone, it is not that I do not want their help, their protection. It is that I do not want anyone else getting hurt because of my own actions. I had hope that perhaps if I was alone things would be easier, there would be no attachments, but maybe it is the attachments to those I love that make this so difficult, and I need them more than I think. The Captain believes it is unwise of me to involve others, that word would spread to the wrong people. That the more I speak about it...I do not want to be alone though. At least I know there are others watching out for me, I just wonder if there are not as many watching out to get me.
Keela wishes me to stay in the Tower, to remain safe there, but I wonder if she understands how much of a prison it seems. Protector Storold wants to meet me there to study, and the Captain wishes my help. Folian please guide me because I feel like a caged creature right now and I do not know what direction to go.
Mar 27, 1488 years since The Great Cataclysm
I still feel the pain, dizzy and sick when I think about her. I had not heard her there, her steps more quiet than usual. My own failing to expect her at a moments notice, or not at all as was usually the case. I simply did not have my guard up, then as she spoke up I heard her.
I thought it to be only a routine visit, I showed her what I had been doing, everything. The wood I had been collecting to turn into dusts to make parchments from. She seemed genuinely interested in what I knew. I was reluctant to tell her everything, the reasons why so I just told her I was practicing for my mentor. It wasn't a complete lie, Storold does have me scribing sometimes for him to learn, but she did not need to know it had nothing to do with him.
It was a good cover story, believable but she did not need to know everything. I can't tell her everything without putting others at risk. I can't put my friends at risk. I will endure anything to keep them safe.
After awhile of talking, she wanted more though. She ask of things I had found myself unable to go through with since my heart is bound. I am his. I am not hers. I could never be. I didn't want to do what she asked and it took all my will to stay true to him. I would say it angered her but it didn't, she seemed to genuinely take pleasure in hurting me, when have I become so weak. I tried to stand against her, but she is stronger, quicker, trained in her profession, a torturer and assassin.
Her sting as she hit me for refusing to do what she asked, the way...no matter what I did, she continued to...I can't even write it here. I don't know how much longer I can take working for her. I don't want to go back. I don't want to become as she says. She took me with her to the bandit caves in the Thunder peaks, and says that it will be the sole survivor left to remember us both. I wanted to forget every moment. I felt sorry for the bandits but also in some ways I wished I could have taken their place instead. I don't want to be like her, I never want to be that cruel, that evil. It makes me sick to think she wants me to be like her.
The more I thought about it though, the more it seemed to become overwhelming. I wanted nothing more than to see Aden, to feel his arms around me. To just cry to give up. Thankfully through our Longstriders I made it back to Center on my own, after she left me to do whatever it is she does. Storold appeared, and while I wanted to tell everything to him, as he has been a friend. I just couldn't talk about it. I couldn't form the words without completely losing what control was left.
Then Aden appeared, My Long strider continues to keep him safe from harm, to bless me with his comforting spirit in my life. Though I couldn't. I could not tell him what happened. I could not speak the words. I wasn't ready. I had to leave to clear my head. So I left and walked for how long I really can't say. I scarcely remember giving the ticket to the captain, or disembarking at the Hold. I scarcely remember anything until he took my hands, looking into my own eyes.
At first his touch felt like her own, and all I could here were her own words, as she snapped my fingers, one by one. I felt like I was in a nightmare but it was real, and it made me sick, so sick to my stomach, that I got sick all over myself. Barely missing Aden. He is so sweet, so patient and so understanding. I can tell by the look in his eyes how much it hurts him, seeing what she does to me. I don't want to go back but my friends, they say I have to face my fears. I have to stand up and do what is right. I can't hide. They don't understand what its like though, how hard it is, and without them there, without help I simply can't do it alone.
I am not as strong as her, and even Lemont's words, his thoughts, though helpful, with such limited knowledge about Duchess, It is hard to find a way to change the circumstances. And to stay around her means she will ask me to do things again I don't want to do.
Gorm says he is moving, that he may be willing to sell his house after, and maybe I can offer to buy it from him. I have much work to do though to raise the money for it. But I need a place to truly call my own. A home even if temporary for Aden and I, for just us. A place to feel safe.
Seplar 13, 1488 years since The Great Cataclysm.
For the moment my thoughts has been distant, thinking about the reasons I had been going through with this, and Daniel's advice filled my thoughts, even Lemont's own advice. I had faced my fears of Miss Duchess. I had told her that I could no longer work for her. I told her I wanted a life of my own, a family of my own. Whether that is to be with Aden or not. I hope it does. I love Aden dearly. I think others are beginning to suspect there is more between us, though I try to tell them it is friendship its getting harder to deny. And now we have to be even more careful. Tyillian has been sneaking around, and has seen us together quite a bit.
Back to Miss Duchess though, she released me, though I can not say it ended well, it did end better than expected. She knows that others know of her house now, but I refused to tell her who. I told her I couldn't betray them. I wouldn't no matter what she tried or may do to me. I simply couldn't betray them. I should feel worse for my betrayal of her, but I can not. Not now that I know what she is capable of. I suppose that is part of what troubles is that would they still be the people who have shown their true colors if I had not been the one to betray them, or would they be changing to a better person?
I am not sure, all I know is I am changing, in so many ways. I am no longer meeting with my mentor for the reasons I expected. Yes I want to learn what she can teach me, but now more than ever because I can see the importance of being able to change my appearance, in an attempt to help others.
I will not hide as all it does is make me weak, it gives them something to use against me. It's not going to be easy but I have to try. Keela has spoken to me even however briefly and I felt a hope that maybe we can mend our friendship, maybe she can let go of the past, as I am trying to let it go pieces at a time.
Tyillian calls me a shadow, though I have never thought about it, I suppose she is right. I could be speaking openly with my friends about what matters most to me but as as soon as some one comes that I don't know. I am much like Miss Yawa's locket. I clam up. I retreat back into my own thoughts. I don't know who to trust and I let my frustrations get the better of me. I really do need to apologize to Ty'riel and Miss Fleur who I barely know. It is not their fault that I have reacted badly. It's just hard for me when I try to help to be shut out, but I think that more than anything I have to let go in some ways too, or it will eat me up from within and it will keep me from having the happy life I dream of with Aden.
Looking back up at what she has wrote already she realizes she has veared of what she intended about Miss Yawa and thinks a bit